#it's also a little wonky but i genuinely don't have time to fix it so lovingly y'all get what you get | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

solarishashernoseinabook · 3 months

Note

Yk, I was going to ask this in the comments, but then I thought, why not a nifty little ask?

Do you actually write all your stories by hand? And how does it work? Cuz personally I am always put off by the fact I like, don't write fast enough to be able to keep up with the sentences forming in my head, yk. And do you then retype the chapter after you've handwritten it? Genuinely curious as to why/if/.. you prefer doing it this way

I'm glad you asked! And I'm glad you asked as an ask, because this would be a weee bit long to go in a tumblr comment 😅

I handwrite most of my fics, yeah! Tho it's more of a hybrid model instead of strictly handwriting, then typing. I bounce between handwriting and typing based on if I'm having writer's block or not. If I get stuck when typing up a chapter, I save what I have, close down my computer, and pick up a notebook and start writing from the last point I remember. Not being able to refer back to what I've written previously means I'm not stuck agonising over it, and allows me to write more freely than if I was constantly going back to earlier paragraphs. If I get stuck when handwriting, I boot up my computer again and transcribe everything. Y'know that bit of writing advice that's like "if you have writer's block, your problem is actually half a page back"? Yeah, that's why I transcribe! The process of rereading my earlier writing lets me identify what's not working and how to fix it.

TRR2 is actually the first fic where the majority of it has been handwritten beforehand, because Angel bought me a gorgeous notebook to write it in (and he got me a second to continue with!). A good portion of every chapter so far has been handwritten, and some chapters were entirely handwritten before I transcribed them :D

Further reasons I like handwriting include...

...no longer worrying so much about making it "perfect", and letting a first draft just be a first draft Sometimes in the middle of writing a scene I'll realise it works better in another character's POV, or in another setting, or any number of things. Instead of going back and changing it, I make a note saying what the change is and then keep writing as though I've already made the change. That way it doesn't break up the flow of writing and I can continue on a roll! Similarly, if a line is wonky or weird, but I can't immediately think of a better one, I just write down the wonky line and continue. Without the ability to erase what I just wrote, I don't get bogged down making every line perfect, and usually when I go to transcribe it later I have a better idea of what to write

...it helps me be more considerate of my words Wait, isn't this a direct contradiction of what I just said? Let's pretend it isn't I also write slower than I type, which I find is a bonus! My brain keeps working on the words and scene while I write, and they can often end up more refined than if I was typing everything because I had more time to turn the words over in my brain. There's also just something about handwriting things that helps my brain remember them more

...it's way more versatile I can't type on phones - it's actively very uncomfortable for me (small hands yaaay). Unfortunately, this means if I'm not at a computer, typing anything more than a couple of sentences is a no-go. Notebooks are easy to carry, don't require an external power source, and I can easily curl up with them to write in the car, in bed, or outside (bonus: it's MUCH easier to see a notebook in direct sunlight than it is to try and make out words on a screen). It also means I can write at work without worrying about keystrokes being logged, people seeing what's on my screen, forgetting a USB, or - disaster of disasters - computers crashing and erasing my data

...purely autistic/aesthetic reasons :D Writing is a huge physical stim for me. Typing can be too depending on the keyboard I'm using, but writing with a pen on paper is remarkably calming in a way that very little else is. Also, notebooks pretty ❤

thanks for dealing with all that (and also giving me an excuse to ramble on for way too long :D)!

#asks #my writing

16 notes · View notes

dangans-ur-ronpas · 4 months

Text

Chapter 4

man...mann.........

SEE HERE FOR GENERAL WARNINGS AND FIC SUMMARY

Some pre-chapter notes:

Immediately after this chapter Sayaka does her whole thing. I think the timeline here is a little wonky compared to the canon timeline but shh don't worry about that

I'm really tempted to write some stuff from Makoto's POV because I think it'd be funny as hell. Makoto trying his best to take care of this self-righteous rich boy who keeps on insulting him at every turn and insisting he doesn't need or want help, but also won't leave him alone and is making Makoto do stuff for him. It's like he picked up a stray cat that won't stop demanding to be pampered and also bites him sometimes for petting him. Typical normal guy and tsundere type dynamic. You did this to yourself really.

I love the importance of names and stuff when it comes to how people use them. Byakuya calls Makoto by his first name but I headcanon that he refers to Makoto by his last name in his head. In one part using Makoto's first name without honorifics because why would he use honorifics, but also using his last name in his thoughts because that's how he characterizes people, including himself. Until he respects them enough to use their first name in all cases

Content warning tags: more self-deprecating ableist language from Byakuya's part. Nothing extremely detailed or graphic but I'm going to note it here just in case

< previous - from start - next >

Naegi returns eventually, and with a flurry of apologies to explain his delay.

"It's, Sayaka was just feeling a bit scared, so-"

"I don't really care." Byakuya cuts him off bluntly. Whatever they needed to do to comfort each other wasn't his business, and he frankly didn't care to hear about it either. "Just shut up and listen."

He's sitting on the edge of his bed, one ankle resting on the opposite knee with his arms crossed, his back ramrod straight. Naegi shuffles before him, emanating his usual nervous energy.

"Makoto." Naegi twitches, snapping to attention. "What do you know about me."

"Er...what?"

Byakuya feels his eye twitch. "Are you dense? You heard me," He huffs. The impatience that had been building since Naegi left him earlier was working itself up towards a real, genuine anger, and there was a nauseating pulse in his temples. "Tell me what you know about me. Now."

"Um, well..." Naegi clears his throat. "You're Byakuya Togami. And...the Ultimate Affluent Progeny."

"And?"

"And...? And, you've already assumed the role of 'heir' for the Togami family, and started managing some of the businesses...and you have a lot of personal assets, which you achieved by yourself." Naegi hesitates for an instant. "And, um...you're considered really exceptional, even among all the Ultimate students. I mean, I just read this stuff from online, but apparently you're supposed to be one of the smartest people here, and-and a lot of economists and stockbrokers consider you to be defining pillar of the market, though I'm not sure what that means...oh, and-"

"Alright, alright, enough." He waves a hand to shut Naegi up. It was all mindless drivel that Byakuya had heard a million times before, and he covers his face with his palm, feeling a strange combination of irritation by the waste of time and, oddly enough, pleased by the praise. "That's not what I meant."

"Then..."

Did he really need to spell it out? He sighs, exasperated; there was no way to make his point clear unless he says it out loud, it seems, because otherwise the dimwit boy would never understand it. "My eyes, Makoto." He fixes Naegi with a stare, though he can't read any emotion off his face at all. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed anything?"

I know you noticed, he thinks silently, desperately, to himself. There was no way he didn't, no matter how stupid Naegi was, it was his observant nature that first pointed out the irregularity of his eyesight during their first meeting, in front of everyone. And when he directed Byakuya to his dorm room on the first day, and even when he let the young heir hold onto his hood to lead him through the dark hallway. There were too many coincidences. He had to have some kind of inkling, at the least.

"I..." He hears Naegi swallow audibly. "I...did. But I thought, with how you acted, that you didn't want anyone to know?"

Byakuya feels the relief like a weight shedding from his shoulders. His suspicions were right, then. Naegi was as observant as he thought, and even without his eyes, Byakuya had been able to reach the right conclusion. "That's right. But you know, don't you?" He lets his eyes slide shut for a moment. "To try and hide it from you would be pointless at this point. So, tell me how you knew."

"When we first met, I thought there was something wrong with your glasses at first, like the prescription was wrong, because you cleaned them a lot but you were still squinting after you put them on. And, you looked like you couldn't find your room, even though the little pixel icons were pretty clear whose was whose. And when it came to videos, you didn't watch yours, but you only went to grab yours after everyone else." Naegi pauses for a moment. "And...once, while you were in the cafeteria...you were reading a magazine upside-down."

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but when they do, it's accompanied by mortification. Byakuya covers his face again, feeling his cheeks burning underneath his fingers. Had he really put on such an embarrassing display, without even being aware of it? "...Did anyone else notice?"

"It was just me and Sayaka at the time, and Sayaka was the one that pointed it out first." There's a note of sympathy in his voice. "But, she thought that maybe you were just out of it, because you looked really tired...and neither of us told anyone else! And you stopped when people started coming in for lunch, so I don't think anyone else saw."

That was a small blessing. But here he thought he had been so careful...what a disgrace.

"Alright. Putting that aside, I imagine that what happened earlier tonight must have confirmed your suspicions about my sight, am I correct?" A particularly defined piece of Naegi's hair bounces as he nods. "Let me say this right now. I have no intentions of letting this...detriment, of mine, become common knowledge. And even someone as half-brained as you can understand that there will be consequences if your tongue is loose?"

"Half-brai-? Yeah, no, I wasn't planning on telling anyone." Naegi reaches up, the green jut of his elbow bobbing as he scratches his head. "Is it okay if I ask why you don't want anyone to know, though?"

"...Need I remind you of our circumstances?"

"I meant-! Like..." he waves his hands around, trying to find the words. "Like, I don't know. If, hypothetically, we weren't being coerced into trying to murder each other. Would you still tell the others?"

"Probably not." Byakuya replies immediately. Even without threat of a killing game, to bring himself to admit such weakness to them - peers or not - would be downright foolish for one of his stature, regardless of whether it was one of their group who was responsible for the injury in the first place. "We'd still be trapped in here either way, and it's not like any one of us is the Ultimate Opthamologist."

"But...we could help you?" Byakuya feels a sharp pulse of pain in his head, and he clicks his tongue. Naegi's voice grows more hurried. "M-maybe we can't help you fix the problem, but couldn't we find other ways?"

Byakuya can't help the short, mirthless snort that leaves him, as his headache thrums to life again, and he presses fingers to his temple. "Enough. You're even stupider than I thought." He sighs, voice stiff and slightly strained.

He presses a hand over his eyes, enveloping himself in darkness. The coolness of his palm is slightly clammy, and he latches on to the feeling. How nice it must be, to be able to trust people so blindly. He thinks to himself. It was the one luxury he couldn't afford.

"I will compensate you appropriately once we leave here for keeping my secret, but in the meantime I have no more use for you. Leave."

He waits, expecting to hear the sound of clumsy, shuffling footsteps, or the shut of the door, making Naegi's exit. Instead, he receives a quiet, disbelieving: "...Wait, what?"

"Did I not make myself clear? Remove yourself this instant." He repeats again, louder, irked by the disobedience. Usually, people cleared out of his way on his order, whether they were servants or not. But still, there was no movement from the other boy. "What, are you deaf? I said-"

"Yeah, I heard you. But I don't get you at all." He sounds upset, somehow. "You don't want to tell anyone. But I already know, and you don't want...you don't want me to help you, or anything?"

Byakuya snorts, a derisive sound. "What could you possibly help me with?" It wasn't like he was helpless. Today had just had too many unpredictable, stressful elements, which led to this...strained and delicate state. It had been a fluke. Nothing more. He says as much with an air of dismissive confidence, trying to feel as sure of that as he sounded.

"But, I think the days after this are just going to get even worse, right? Kyoko mentioned that the mastermind behind all this probably isn't going to stop giving us motives until something happens." At that, Byakuya clicks his tongue. It was annoying, but he - or rather, Kirigiri - were correct. "I...I can help with some little things, at least. Like I did earlier today?"

Like earlier today. He considers it for a moment; for as annoying and pushy as Naegi had been - forcing him out of his room for some food, clumsily prepared, then leading him back - it hadn't been an entirely unpleasant experience. Naegi was not butler material, that was certain, but he was obedient and seemed to know his place.

In any ordinary situation, Byakuya might have flat-out rejected such a suggestion. It was unbecoming and pathetic to accept offers made out of pity, and foolish to take on partnerships where the odds weren’t in his favor. Makoto was able-bodied, decently observant, and hopelessly bound by human connection - Byakuya was blind and cut off from his wealth and power.

But…there was also no real evidence of Makoto’s intent to kill. He was too caring, it seemed; too hung up on helping others, and easy to read. It would be a risky gamble, but Byakuya had taken more dangerous wagers.

It is only because of my eyes...if not for this, I would have no use for him.

"...I'll consider it." Is all he says instead. For the time being, he was still managing fine on his own. "But let me be clear now on some expectations. When we're around others, I expect you to not be so casual with me."

"Okay, got it."

"I expect you not to reveal anything regarding my condition to anyone, not even that girl you're so intent on fraternizing with."

"W-wait, do you mean Sayaka? I'm not-!"

"And don't overstep your bounds. If I don't ask you to do something, don't do it." The only thing worse than an incapable servant was an overly-presumptuous one. "If you're not sure about something, ask me."

"Can we please go back to what you said earlier?" Naegi asks weakly.

"Your infatuation with Sayaka is obvious, even to me." Byakuya replies bluntly. For a moment, he considers alerting Naegi, letting him know of his own suspicions regarding Maizono, before reconsidering. Saying something like that might jeopardize their newly-established agreement, especially if Byakuya didn't have any real proof to back his claims. "It was quite pathetic, listening to you hang onto her every word like some lost puppy."

He watches pink crawl over Naegi's neck. He's sure the other boy must be making some kind of amusingly mortified face, but it's not one he can make out anyways, so he continues: "On my part, there is not much I can do to compensate you while we're in here, but I won't ask you to kill for me, or lie on my behalf, nor will I ask you to die for me. I have no intentions on relying on anyone in regards to this game that we've been made to participate in." It was rather humiliating to admit it out loud, but it was the truth; there wasn't much he could offer while they were trapped in here. "I will also provide monetary reimbursement for your services once we leave here. Is that an amenable condition? Do you have any other requests?"

It takes the other boy a moment to find his words, likely still stunned from the earlier scathing remarks. "So, you won't ask me to carry out killing for you...would that even work, with the rules of the game?"

"Who knows? But I'm not interested in trying it out. You're not a suitable pawn for that sort of thing, and I don't like leaving dirty work to someone incompetent." There were still too many unknown factors; the rules regarding accomplices, and the extent of Naegi's loyalty. It was better to use the other boy only for what he was offering, and nothing more. "I doubt that the mastermind has any motive that can be used to move me to act recklessly, especially with these conditions. But enough about that - what do you want for serving me?"

"Er...nothing?"

That surprises him. Surely Naegi hadn't forgotten who he was talking to? "Excuse me?"

"There's nothing that I really need right now. I guess the biggest thing I want is for all of us to escape this place safely, but...I didn't offer to help with any intentions in mind. I guess please don't sue me when we get out of here?" He chuckles, a bit awkwardly. "I mean, I won't ask you to, like, kill for me either, or anything like that...I don't want to hurt anyone here."

Really. Even in a game designed for murder and betrayal, here he was nursing this innocent belief that they could all get along peacefully. "Fine then. But don't tell me you'd be satisfied with such paltry conditions? You know I can give you anything you want outside of here? Land? Power?" He quirks an eyebrow up at Naegi's hesitation. "There are even medical procedures that exist to add height to your frame, that would usually be out of reach for someone of your stature."

He can't help the smirk that pulls at his lips as Naegi sputters again, indignant and flustered. "Are you making fun of me?" He asks, suspicious, and Byakuya can imagine him, simple features pinched into a look of uncertainty and embarrassment. This was quite fun, this meaningless teasing; it was pointless, certainly, but it was amusing at least.

"Maybe I am. What are you going to do about it?" He rests his chin on his palm, and tilts his head with a languid smile. Naegi fidgets under his gaze, and turns away.

"Um, I don't really...need money, or anything. I'm not doing this for that." Byakuya opens his mouth, about to explain how he was capable of quite literally changing Naegi's meager peasant life, before he was interrupted. "But, you said that you can do anything?"

"Just about anything imaginable."

"Then can I ask you to save my family?"

The question takes him aback a bit, and he blinks. Of course, not everyone was like himself, with such estranged relations, and of course Naegi, with his average background, would have a loving, average family to go with it. He doesn't remember observing Naegi in any particular distress during the showing of the first motive, but then again, he hadn't been paying much attention.

But it wasn't like it was impossible for him. In fact, it'd be far easier for him to hire the private investigators and personnel necessary to carry out the task, than any police force or government. "Fine then. How many people do you need me to save?"

"My parents, and my little sister Komaru." There's a note of relief in his voice. "Komaru should be starting high school this year. My dad's a realtor and my mom works part-time at the hospital-"

"Save it for when we get out of here." He didn't really need to know Naegi's entire life story. Nor did he particularly care. "We'll put this contract to paper when we have a lawyer around, but in the meantime, we'll seal it verbally." He wasn't particularly fond of non-written agreements, but for now he would take what he could get. And he wasn't planning on giving Naegi any reason to disobey him, anyways. "Do you, Makoto Naegi, agree to assist me to the best of your ability and only on my order, and to not disclose any details regarding my current condition to any person, so long as we are within these premises?"

"Yes-? Yes, I do." He says, words fumbling. "Um, I, Makoto Naegi, agree to...to assist you, Byakuya, as best as I can, and without sharing your secret to anyone. As long as we're in these premises."

It was a clumsy paraphrasing of his own words, but an acceptable one. "Fine. Then I, Byakuya Togami, will swear on the Togami name to return your family to you safely, as soon as we-" He pauses. "As soon as I have safely left these premises. And compensate you monetarily for your assistance during this time."

"Wait, you don't need to-?"

"You'd be insulting me to refuse it. Rescuing your family would be a simple thing for me, and you underestimate how much I'm valuing your labor right now." He reaches out and jabs a finger into Naegi's chest. "Right now, you are being asked to be my eyes, more or less. Consider that an honor."

He hears a quiet whoosh, a sharp intake of breath. Maybe the other boy was realizing the weight of what he had offered, and how much Byakuya was relying on him to uphold his side of the agreement. Or maybe he was simply relieved, his family's safety secured.

Whatever the case, Byakuya didn't know, nor did he care to try and interpret it too deeply. He was full, and tired, and ready for bed. "If that's all, then leave. I'm going to sleep."

"Alright. See you tomorrow morning." As he rolls over to lie on his bed, he listens to Naegi’s footsteps padding towards the door behind him, before pausing with the soft creak of the hinges. "Good night, um...sir?

Byakuya snorts, eyes closed. "Just call me as you did before. You're hardly an official servant, so don't get so comfortable." He lifts a hand to wave over his shoulder. "Turn the lights off on the way out."

The quiet flick of the light switch. The faint red behind his eyelids was replaced by black. "Good night, Byakuya."

He listens for the shut of the door. He doesn't say anything back.

< previous - from start - next >

#thpff #thpff chapters #danganronpa fanfiction

9 notes · View notes

criminal-sen · 2 months

Text

Okay, worst part about not having tumblr mobile is DEFINITELY the inability to vent whenever I please. Like yesterday, I was at the laundromat and had this. surreal experience where four washing machines in a row ate my quarters and refused to regurgitate them into the coin return. I've never had a single quarter genuinely truly Eaten at that laundromat? So having it happen at multiple machines made me feel like I was in weird, shitty Bizarro World (more likely, some mechanic 'fixed' them and wound up fucking them up even more? But i didn't reach that conclusion til later)

And then, since I'd just spent the last few minutes cussing and banging on the machines, I turned to the one other lady that was there and told her what had happened. Figured I owed an explanation, and maybe she'd also had it happen so we could like have a shared moment or whatever? But she. didn't say anything back to me??? And instead just shot me this wary, dagger-filled glare??? So at this point, I reach this little tipping point where my mood officially goes into 'FUUUUUUCK' zone and go out to my car and sit there Fuming and um. would very much have liked to post this rant about it right then.

And yes, laundromat scenario wasn't the worst thing in the world but it DID make me realize that tumblr mobile is one of the ways I use to calm myself down after Dumb Shit happens. Most of my vents go into drafts but they're still uh. vents. Maybe I need to carry around a little vent journal or smth idfk. I don't think it would have the same effect, though? Because the ability (whether I use it or not) to Share With Friends is, I think, the main draw.

Hmmm what else. I'm working on some little Nemu arts rn (was gonna finish that pen n ink but it's sooo wonky looking and I just can't seem to make it look decent? And I think the main reason for that is bc I haven't spent nearly enough time drawing her, or any women for that matter). Also have decided on my next Big Art - gonna tackle that Mayu/Szayel art where Szayel is using his weird udon transformation to function as Chair. I want to really go hyper-detailed with it and make it look like a.. statue or some shit. But haven't even started lol

#i am Talking #about some stuffs:3

6 notes · View notes

melancholiepeufiable · 6 months

Note

hello!

i know it's been some time since the final renaissance update, but it impacted me a lot and i needed to collect my thoughts,, so, sorry if this is a very late contribution to the debate. also obligatory warning that i am not a native speaker so my explanations might be a little wonky at times hahshd

to say it plainly: i sobbed, i laughed, i trembled and i melted with this fic. it had the perfect dose of everything; of pain, doubts, things being broken and then fixed with enough love and understanding that it reeked through the screen into my feelings as well. and you got my heart racing with every update!! my week revolved around your scheduled updates, however crazy that sounds.

like you said, it was cathartic. and painful. god, my heart ached so much every single time charles doubted himself and seb's view on him, and it ached when he longed for something as human as love with such resentment towards himself. but in the end, your brilliant writing soothed me like - pardon my perhaps nonsensical comparisons - those rays of sunlight in winter, when you've been freezing outside and they hit the skin of your hands and for a moment you think, wow, there is something more to this than just suffering. your writing style evoked such vivid emotions in me i thought i might be one with charles, lol. i love it, love it, love it.

you helped me realise a lot about myself in the process of reading too - and again, i am sorry for this little oversharing, but you also helped me realise that just like charles found out in the end, getting help might be worth it, and i will be getting it. it probably seems insincere,, but yeah. i am being genuine. your take on daddy issues hurt in a way where you realise that, damn, this is too realistic and hits too close to home, unlike those glorified scenarios on certain social media. bravo.

while i'm here, i would also like to mention that i read your other works, rouge et blanc and act of god. the latter in particular made it hard to breathe at times - not in the anxiety way, but in the in-awe-thanks-to-the-genius-storytelling way. you have this skill of uniting the reader and the main character to the point where they think alike, and it was only in the end when i noticed the escalation of the obsessive elements, that's how immersed i was in seb's unreliable narration. bravo again. (also, the religious imagery? chef's fucking kiss good LORD)

i don't want to go into detail over specific scenes in renaissance because this would be even longer than it is, so i'm just gonna wrap it up by saying: please, if you can, keep creating!! i don't mean it as putting pressure on you, the thing i want to say is that your art is absolutely brilliant and loved, if you ever doubt it. thank you for creating this fic and i am soo looking forward to anything you create in the future!!

-diem

hi anon ❤️

dw about it being late! my own reply is late as well haha, sorry (also dw about the english, you’re perfectly fine).

aw shucks, thank you so much. it’s always so lovely to see how much a work can reach someone, and to hear how it is has affected you is simultaneously joyous and tear-jerking (sorry about the pain it caused).

ahhh i love love LOVE that comparison to the sunlight during winter. might be one of my favourite compliments ever! it’s always sooooo pleasing for a writer to know that the reader is experiencing things almost as if they were the character themselves. thank you!

getting help is absolutely nothing to be shameful of, and i’m so proud of you going to get it. i wish you the best ❤️ (thank you again! i didn’t want the father complex to be dramatised bc in reality, it’s a lot different than what’s shown on tv).

ahhh and you read the others??? thank you omg! haha, thank you for liking act of god sm, i’m so happy that the general consensus has been positive. i was so nervous to post it, but i’m glad the religious imagery and seb’s unreliability managed to get through to the reader.

yes!! i will keep creating as soon as i get out of the writer’s block. i’m so grateful for your message and the support. have a great day! all the love <3

#f1 rpf #sebchal #f1 fanfic #renaissance fic #my inbox

5 notes · View notes

arethereanyoriginalusernames · 4 years

Text

Fanfiction review : Unexpected

Disclaimer: Do not send hate to anyone mentioned in this post. If you plan to respond in anyway to this post, I ask that you remain civil to everyone. Also, this review is an opinion post. Do not take what I say here as fact. Thank you.

------------------

I like sorbet. I do! I prefer it to ice cream, and I would gladly eat half a tub without hesitation. But if I were to eat it every day? I'd get sick of it. It's always bothersome when something like that happens. Especially in literature. Sometimes, a short story is more enjoyable than a lengthy saga. Good things can come in small packages....

... what was I talking about again? Ah, whatever.

Anyway, let's talk about zoophobia fanfiction.

*****

Those who have had the misfortune of reading my last fic review may recall that I went through each and every chapter of TDL's story. This time, however, this will be structured in a sort of ramble. I will be discussing things in sections, and I will give my overall thoughts at the end. This is a review of "Unexpected " by a "Kalum16" , who, if my memory serves me correctly, goes by @kartoonluv on Tumblr. Now, this review was not requested by anyone, so if Kalum (who I'll refer to as KL for brevity's sake) wishes this review to be deleted, I will comply with his wishes. Also, I suggest that you read this on fanfiction.net before continuing with this post.

******

Something I would like to get out of the way are my views on romance and the story's pairing. I'd like to bring these up now as I will be mentioning them later on.

Firstly, I have never been in a romantic relationship. However, I have been in love before, and I know people who are or who have been in relationships. That being said, I have considered that perhaps my lack of experience will mean that with certain things... I might not get it. The importance of certain events may be lost on me, and I may not be able to connect with things couples do.

I would also like to confess that Kayla x Damian is one of my least favorite ZP ships. The idea that after Damian basically harasses Kayla, manipulates her and Zill, and basically makes their lives miserable for his own gain, that he can be rewarded by getting the girl? Not exactly something I jive with. Also, (and this is my interpretation) I do not think that Damian's feelings towards Kayla are genuine. By that, I think (due to how little they know about each other) Dame is more in love with his idea of who Kayla is. Or, if we weren't going to look to deep into it and say that it's because he has a thing for Christians, it would make Dame's attraction pretty materialistic. Neither idea really screams "good ship!" to me.

********

That being said, let's discuss how the pairing is handled here. I'm actually on board with this depiction of the relationship. For one thing, it seems that Kay and Dame have become friends. They clearly care about one another before starting a relationship, and the story makes it so that they can relate to each other. This takes away my issue of these characters not acting knowing each other well, and thus the feelings they have towards one another come off as genuine.

I think that the story makes them out to the a cute couple. However, I still have a major issue with it, and the story as a whole.

Basically, (after a while) I think it's boring.

To best explain why, I would first like detour and discuss Damian and Kayla individually.

*******

Ladies first. I have mentioned in previous posts that I enjoyed the first chapter of this story. Back then, I had not read beyond chapter 1, as I hadn't realized that the story had been updated. And you know what? I still stand by that. In chapter 1, Kayla feels a lot more interesting than she is in the comic. It's interesting to see Kay in a situation where she basically gets what she wants, but she ends up hating it. She struggles with writers block, self doubt and regret. It's sad to see how apathetic she's become, and how she no longer holds the ambition she once did.

I also liked that she still had some internalized prejudice against demons. It made sense, and it made what was going on more interesting as it created inner conflict. Now, if the story was just the one chapter, I would have bought that her falling in love with Dame would have made all her prejudice go away. I mean, you would need to wrap it up by the end.

But we got more than 1 chapter, and thus the evaporated prejudice feels kind of contrived and like lost potential. Hell, it would have been interesting if an ongoing subplot involved Kayla conquering her prejudice by learning about demons and debunking the stories that I heard as a kid. Her just yeeting away her prejudice because she falls for one guy feels kind of lame, and going forward, Kayla feels less interesting in the fic.

Originally, she had all this regret and self doubt. While it's great to see her doing good, her issues feel like they've almost all been resolved by a makeout session. Throughout the story, Kay doesn't grow or develop in any way. Her only real issue is "I'm in love with Dame and ppl don't like it, woe is me"

There's this chapter where Dame meets Kay's parents, and I feel like I should be invested, but I'm more confused than anything. The story points out that Kay's parents were ok with Zill (who's part demon, part whatever the fuck), but they're not ok with Dame. I mean, yes, he's the antichrist, but have they not figured out that their daughter is into some weird dudes? Like, they're perspective is painted as "oh, Kay was such a good girl, and yadda yadda", but, again, they were ok with Zill. You'd think that that relationship would at least make them question that idea? Also, why are Kay's parents deer? Am I missing something?

Kay serves really only one role here. She's Dame's gf, she'll defend the relationship to the grave, and she cares about him. She doesn't become much more than that, and every chapter feels like it's redundant in reinforcing that idea. Like...ok, we get it, let's move on.

*******

Does Damian do much here? Not really. He's mainly the inverse of Kayla for the most part, being "I will defend this love, no matter fucking what". The issue being constantly brought up about how he's the antichrist, so "oh no, that makes things difficult ", is always resolved in about a chapter.

The story feels like it's trying to give Damian some development. I mean, I guess he stands up for himself against Kay's parents, and defends her from his? Oh, and there's that moment where he's like "Yo, I have no control over my life, I don't wanna be a prince, you make me happy ", etc. But not even this really does anything. The meeting with his parents feels like a repeat of meeting Kay's parents. We even get the one parent approval, one on one talk, and it's the mom, just like before. Oh, and Dame's emotional "I will reject prince-y ness to be with you " speech? All that leads to is them having sex.

Ok, well, that last one I might give a pass. I don't find sex to be that big a deal, but I know some people view it as this super important thing, so maybe through that lense, I could see sex as being an emotional payoff.

*******

One thing I won't give a pass is chapter 2, which really didn't need to be here. Jack never shows up again, Kayla can be subtracted from this chapter entirely, and the only build up to this was a couple lines in the previous chapter. The chapter itself is alright, but it feels like it should have been it's own separate story. My only idea as to why this chapter should stay is that, apart from Kayla in chapter 1, this is the only chapter with development. Damian owning up for being a shit is great, and it shows some of only god damn growth for anyone here.

Another chapter that didn't need to be here was whichever was the chapter when Zill showed up again. Admittedly, I skipped this chapter almost entirely. Look, he and Kay broke up, and they're dating different people. That's it. That's all we need. I read the first few paragraphs and the last few. I feel like I don't need to read the entire chapter to know that it's just reinforcing the idea of how great a couple Kayla and Damian are. You know, like basically every chapter in here.

*****

My biggest issue overall with this story is the relationship. As much as I've been ragging on this fic, KL is very gifted at writing. There were some instances where a reread or two could fix some wonky sentences (sounds like me reviewing my posts), but overall he does have a good grasp on it.

That being said, the relationship, the core of this story, is not interesting enough to warrant all six chapters. The only issue Kayla and Damian face are the opinions of others. They never have any reason to question the relationship, question themselves as people, or think about how to handle things. It would have been a lot more interesting if we saw them develop the close relationship the story portrays them as having. It would be interesting if we saw them learn more about each other, or discover ways to deal with each other if one of them is being a dumb bitch. We get it. They love and care about each other. The world around them think it's weird. Every chapter just reinforces the same idea again and again.

I think KL could easily make this better. There's a bunch of plot points that are never brought up more than once that could be interesting. For instance, Kayla struggling to write new songs. We could see more of how she and Dame deal with that instead of having them mention "oh yeah, the problem is fixed now ". Does Damian ever earn Jack's forgiveness? Does Kayla learn anything new about demons?

KL, I believe you when you say these two care a lot about each other. And yeah, seeing how they make their relationship work in spite of what others think is an interesting idea on paper. But the characters don't become closer to each other or anything. Why would I be concerned about the issues presented in the story when I know that they're just going to be resolved in the same way?

You know it's kind of like sorbet...

I would still nonetheless recommend this story tho. Again, as much as I've ragged on it, I still think that the story is good. As mentioned before, I don't have much experience with romantic relationships, so perhaps something here could be lost on me. I'm curious to know anyone else's thoughts.

I apologize for wasting your time

- Spooky S Skeletons

Ps. Yes, quarantine is messing with my head :) just bear with me

20 notes · View notes