#its allegedly not about accumulating enough positive traits to be worthy of love but i dont know how to do it otherwise

[seraphim-soulmate]

I guess part of the reason i take care of my grandma is because I want to know what to expect when I'm around that age. It's hard to imagine what that must be like and considering I share a lot of traits with my grandmother, I'd like to be as prepared as I can be. I'm not sure if I'm hoping I'll make it to that age or not. I'm not sure if life will give me that.

#personal #i know its the loneliness that gets you #so im trying very hard to build and maintain friendships. maybe ill go live in cohouseing when im older. hopefully ill have a partner. #I'm not scared to go to a nursing home. in fact the scarier option is not being able to afford a nursing home. #jesus christ. do you ever think abojt that. #who will visit you when you are old. your friends grandchildren since you dont plan on having any #maybe ill have a partner with kids from a previous union. im sure that wont drive me insane. #isnt it fucking crazy that ill always be me. ill always be this person. even if my traits change and i get older. it'll still be me. #its fucked when you look forward in life to when you'll be old and the only thing you want is to be loved #i dont want success or achievements. i want to be loved. but im so so scared of that !!!! #i dont understand why people like me and asking them to explain doesnt help because i wouldnt know what to say if they asked. #its allegedly not about accumulating enough positive traits to be worthy of love but i dont know how to do it otherwise #i have to be worth loving. there has to be perks that come with the baggage.