#i dont understand why people like me and asking them to explain doesnt help because i wouldnt know what to say if they asked.

[seraphim-soulmate]

I guess part of the reason i take care of my grandma is because I want to know what to expect when I'm around that age. It's hard to imagine what that must be like and considering I share a lot of traits with my grandmother, I'd like to be as prepared as I can be. I'm not sure if I'm hoping I'll make it to that age or not. I'm not sure if life will give me that.

#personal #i know its the loneliness that gets you #so im trying very hard to build and maintain friendships. maybe ill go live in cohouseing when im older. hopefully ill have a partner. #I'm not scared to go to a nursing home. in fact the scarier option is not being able to afford a nursing home. #jesus christ. do you ever think abojt that. #who will visit you when you are old. your friends grandchildren since you dont plan on having any #maybe ill have a partner with kids from a previous union. im sure that wont drive me insane. #isnt it fucking crazy that ill always be me. ill always be this person. even if my traits change and i get older. it'll still be me. #its fucked when you look forward in life to when you'll be old and the only thing you want is to be loved #i dont want success or achievements. i want to be loved. but im so so scared of that !!!! #i dont understand why people like me and asking them to explain doesnt help because i wouldnt know what to say if they asked. #its allegedly not about accumulating enough positive traits to be worthy of love but i dont know how to do it otherwise #i have to be worth loving. there has to be perks that come with the baggage.

[mx-darling-1]

Hello! If it's okay, can you please write some headcanons of Wally with a reader who has constant back pain? Thank you, have a nice day and remember to drink water!

Of course! I don't experience it much myself, so I did some research for the chapter! Please let me know if I represent anything wrong!

Wally Darling X GN Reader Back Pain Headcannons

❤️ When you first moved to the neighborhood, your friends quickly noticed your 'predicament'. You would struggle to lift larger objects, being extreamly in pain every time you tried. Their would be times, fairly often, when you would simply be walking and the pain would hit. You supposed that was why Wally took such an interest in you. Wally was by your side at all times, as soon as he noticed any pain he was right there to help you. He got Howdy to order pain meds, and started to get you medication that lessened the pain you were so consistantly in.

🧡Some days were worse then others, you accepted that. Wally on the other hand...he could never accept it. On your worse days, Wallys lays you down on the couch, gets you comfortable and puts on your favorite show. Hes always a bit touchy about you spending time with people other then him. But, whenever you ask him to, he invites all of the neighbors over to spend time with you. Though its important to him that they dont hurt you any worse since you were already in pain.

💛On days your pain is a dull ache, you help the neighbors with different activities. Sometimes youll make costumes with Sally, bake with Poppy, or watch butterflys with Frank. Youve taken notice to the fact that Wally is always keeping an eye on you during these days, although he takes a step back to be less obvious. At first it was definitely a bit odd and caused you slight discomfort, but the longer you stayed in Welcome home, the more you became used to it, after all, it was Wallys way of expressing his concern for you.

💚Youve grown accustomed to Wallys constant concern for you, and you figured that he just cared this much about all his neighbors. So, you decided to test the theory, just by watching his interactions with the others of course. But...he never seemed to be as concerned with any of them and his special attention became very apparent to you. This is when you finally spoke up to him, after all you didnt want to be babied or looked down upon simply because of some pain that youve grown accustom to.

You walked towards Home, asking to be let inside and the door simply opened. By Wallys command, Home was supposed to let you in whenever you asked after all. Quickly you made your way to Wallys room and knocked on the door. "Hey, Wally, we need to talk." You hear his muffled voice through the door, not to sure what he was doing this morning, but he was obviously not asleep. "Of course dear neighbor, come on it." You took a deep breath before opening the door. As his room came into view you could see Wally sitting at his vanity, his hair was still down as he was doing his makeup. "What did you need to talk about neighbor?" Wally turned to you, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

"Well, I wanted to ask why you baby me compared to the other neighbors? I know I experience pain...and thank you so much for trying to help, but it doesnt mean I cant take care of myself or do basic tasks!" Wally quickly looks panicked, waving his hands out in front of him. "No no neighbor! It isnt like that at all! I just dont want you to hurt yourself!" You look at him a little in disbelief. Although you enjoyed the sentiment, you simply werent that incapable. "Eddie is more accident prone then I am!" Wally huffs slightly, struggling to explain his emotions and desperatly not wanting you to be upset with him.

"Eddie is different!" You truly didnt understand why Wally was treating you different, and it hurt your pride, as well as your heart. He was treating you like a child, and you just wanted him to see you as an equal. "How is Eddie any different then me??" Wally looks at a loss for words for only a moment, collecting himself before looking into your eyes. "Because neighbor, he isnt you. You are so precious to me, and I simply wouldnt be able to stand it if you were to get hurt..." You head began to hurt, you simply couldn't understand what Wally was trying to say, and Wally didnt seem to know how to say what he wanted to. Luckily, a few creaks and groans came from Home and Wally spoke up again. "Youre right home!" Walky turns back you, walking over and gently grabbing your hands. "Your pain matters to me, because I love you [Name]."

Hopefully this was okay! I definitely struggled a little, but hopefully its not to noticable! Have an amazing day and remember to drink something!

#wally darling #wally darling x reader #welcome home #gender nuetral reader #oneshots #x reader #gn reader #reader with back pain #protective wally #wally darling fanfic

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hay...... Do you think you could do tadc characters with a reader who has super bad depth perception (due to an eye injury) and as a result often ends up walking into things because they didn't realise it was right in front of them?? :3 (aka me)

TADC cast x reader who has very bad depth perception!

fuck it we balling!! (admin is now on a small time crunch, theyre not going to explode if they fail to finish this before they timer is up, but they are weird about time stuff) rolls around ehehehhehe i hope you enjoy!! i must admit, admin was a little stumped on this so this might be a little..... meh </3

CAINE:

i think he blows it out way out of proportion... though im not sure thats the right word... i mean, if you manage to get close to caine (which is quite a feat considering before he didnt really. build genuine connections with circus members as well as being busy with... whatever it is he does...) he doesnt quite.. understand... so i think he insists on being your eyes, utilizing his... thousands of all seeing eyes. he can get overbearing at times so youre going to need to set the record straight and explain things to him... hes a little confused but hes got the spirit.... takes you to his room whenever things get hard (migraine, nausea, ect ect ect) and pampers you... so.. maybe him taking things too far/seriously isnt that bad...

POMNI:

has probably tossed you something before remembering your depth perception... the regret on her face is immediate, spreading over it before you even have the chance to react to whats going on... quick and long stream of apologies as she picks up the thing; it wasnt even likely anything important or fragile

eventually builds the habit to not toss things to people when they ask for something.. offers to read things out for you if you have trouble with it, as well as guiding you to dark places if you have trouble with migraines as well (while admin doesnt have depth perception he does have something funky with his eyes that make them sometimes roll and cross and it suuuucks)

RAGATHA:

oh she is so so so empathetic with you. as mentioned above in pomnis part, if youre prone to nausea or migraines, shes going to do all that she can to help you... usually lets you lay in her bed to collect yourself... helps you judge the distance things are, especially if its in a chaotic situation such as an in house adventure. if you open up to her about the reason behind your bad vision, her heart is going to hurt for you. if you need comfort, she will provide it; if you just need some ears, she will provide. generally very good about accommodating you

JAX:

has probably asked why your eyes look off, assuming they cross or otherwise arent "standard". doesnt really say it to be rude, well.. actually no this is jax hes likely just scoping to see what the deal is, though its more of a curiosity thing. gives a soft "oh" when you briefly explain why. honestly i think he has a habit of tossing things to people when they ask him for something, and i think this would carry over to you.... does sometimes feel bad, but hey! hes not trying to be mean (kinda...)

does not stoop low enough to use your poor depth perception to his advantage for pranks, though. hes an asshole but i dont think he would be that evil tbh...

KINGER:

honestly? same. like i dont think that he has bad eyes thanks to an injury, no rather i think its just because hes OLD!!! so theres times where you guys fail to be each others eyes. you have terrible depth perception, he is shortsighted... uh oh... good news is that hes always keeping an eye on you (no shitty pun intended) due to him constantly worrying about you, so the chance of you somehow being in the way of danger is fairly low.... probably.... if you tend to attract it, though, or are on the clumsier side, rest assured that hes keeping you in the pillow fort!/lh

ZOOBLE:

probably doesnt even notice it at first until you bring it up in passing, and honestly i dont think their view on you would change. sure they would try to be more accommodating for you since theyre not totally apathetic, especially since youre a friend and/or partner... but theyre not too... emotional, so unlike ragatha they wouldnt outwardly give you an excessive amount of.... pity? care? im struggling to find the right word, im afraid... will let you vent about it, though, if the issues that come with it cause any stress.. otherwise doesnt bring it up too much unless you bring it up, both because they dont think its too much of a big deal as well as not wanting to pry

GANGLE:

very sad very empathetic if you ever open up to her about the events leading up to your injury (assuming you remember/it was something that happened in the real world that carried into the digital world), and perhaps sheds a tear for you. helps you read and write things if you struggle with it, as well as even wrapping her ribbon around your eyes should any random bouts of nausea roll in. generally very sweet about it but is very careful about not stepping over any lines, tends to ask before doing something (especially with the blindfolding/nausea thing)

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #jax x reader #kinger x reader #zooble x reader #gangle x reader

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ WVBA At A Party ☆

So uhh tw for alcohol mention,emetophobia other than that its ok

Glass Joe

- doing his best not to get thrown into a dance circle

- anxious as fuck

- piston hondo (drunk as shit) keep trying to explain star wars lore to him

- hes just nodding and pretending to understand, he cant because hes speaking in japanese

- had some drinks & passed out because he doesnt take alcohol well

- woke up on the roof because some drunk bastard decided to put him onto there, theres now a investigation about trying to find who put Joe on the roof

- will hold your drink for you

- keeps getting dragged into doing dumb shit by aran ryan

Von Kaiser

- buzzed, looks like hes on the verge of death

- at the karaoke bar, killing it, yess grandpa slayyyy one foot in the grave one foot in the rave

- keeps chugging like hell, look at him go

- teaching some random people how to do traditional german dances

- randomly starts sobbing

- bear hugger has to stop him from chugging another bottle of whiskey

Disco Kid

- thrown into the dance circle, killing it

- spamming everyones phones with really positive texts

- "YUO AR TAKENTED SNF CAN DK SNYTHING YKU PUT YOU4 NINF UBTO" (You are really talented and can do anything you put your mind into)

-"thank you : )"

- "YOU SRE LIVEF ANR 4SKEBT2D,,,,ÖOCE YOURDRKF" (You are loved, love yourself)

- wasted

- giving out free hugs

- had a really good dance off with aran ryan

- fell down a flight of stairs and got up like it was nothing

- dancing the pain away

Piston Hondo

- avoiding the dance circle like its a death sentence

- explaining the star wars lore to glass joe in japanese

- will hate himself in the morning

- speaking really broken japanglish with bear hugger

- keeps lifting up von kaiser & running away as he holds him

- partying hard

- randomly starts speaking about stuff, you could be talking about how you ran over a man and his son just yesterday and he'll be like "Do you like sailor moon"

- tried to eat a glass of water, sad because he got stopped

- randomly got stuck in a british accent

King Hippo

- passed out on the floor

- someone help him please

- people keep trying to use him as a trampoline

- randomly gets up and starts to talk about sea slugs

- he just leaves after that,he is done

Great Tiger

- only sober person here

- has to stop piston hondo from explaining the star wars lore to random people

- making sure everyone is hydrated

- victim of disco kids positive texts

- gathers drunk passed out people and puts them somewhere safe so nobody gets hurt

- oh my god he is on the verge of tears from all this stress he needs help

- ended up sobbing into disco kids arms after it all got too stressful

- he could really use a break

- will hold your drink,may switch it out with water if he decides youve had enough for tonight

Don Flamenco

- too distracted too go to the dance circle

- keeps singing & referencing dumb stuff while anyone talks to him, he just has 0 thoughts right now

- "i feel like im never gonna amount to anything in my life, it just feels like im destined to end up dying alone-"

- "FIESTA SALSA QUİNCEAÑERA-"

- "why do i even bother"

- drinking cocktails like someones gonna take it away from him if he doesnt inhale it within 10 seconds

- keeps trying to call carmen

- stumbling like hell

- someone needs to tape his mouth shut

- asking the dumbest shit ever to carmen as he texts her

- "would you still love me if i was a muppet,,"

- "would you still be able to control yourself or would you need to be used like a actual muppet??"

- "i dont knwo im durnk"

Bear Hugger

- will not go into the dance circle, ever

- singing sea shanties & suddenly has the personality of a ye olden sailor

- someone convinced him to wax his legs

- confused as shit when he wakes up in the morning

- listening to hondo infodump about sailor moon, intrigued

- will laugh at anything, laughed at Macho mans left eyebrow for a solid 40 minutes

- passed out for a hour after that

- brought a random frog from the nearest pond & named it Buddy, buddy was never seen again after someone threw him out of a window

- ate candle wax, he just did, he somehow stomached it

- sober yet wasted, tapdancing on that line between mentally not present & aware

Aran Ryan

- drunk but has a camera, recording whatever happens

- "guys... this little pocket sized eejit is stuck on the roof... what the fuck.. get him off of there"

- will do anything you dare him to do, got dared to throw someones TV out of the window, the rest is history

- eated a bees

- chased piston hondo with a chair, you havent known true fear until a irishman with a camera & chair is chasing you while yelling like a psychopath while youre talking about star wars lore

- called glass joe "Glasses Jonathan"

- mourned the loss of buddy with bear hugger

- on his hater routine, texting back discos positive messages with mean messages

Soda Popinski

- sober, enjoying the show

- in the dance circle, busting it down

- dehydrated because theres no soda :(

- trying to convince aran ryan to eat a pair of headphones

- gives out water to anyone who appears drunk & asks for a drink telling them its "strong stuff" Just to see them smile & hydrate themselves

- enjoying the karaoke

- also mourning the loss of buddy, thought he was really cool

Bald Bull

- scared of the dance circle

- drunk but his social anxiety is still acting up

- mom i threw up pose when he zones out & stares into the void

- standing in the corner or clinging onto don flamenco because he cant manage crowds well

- getting second hand embarrasment from don flamencos singing

- people keep using the top of his head as a mirror

- clinging onto the nearest extroverts he knows well

- "what if everyone thinks i look like a complete idiot standing in the corner"

- Just really anxious & stressed, he doesnt manage social events well

- needs some silence

Super Macho Man

- thinks hes a good dancer, looks like hes having a stroke, dancing is not for him, especially drunk dancing

- people keep calling him grandpa

- sobbing over any minor event that effects him even slightly negatively

- sobbed over the loss of buddy

- crying over everything

- sobbing on the bathroom floor because he threw up so hard he felt like his soul left him

- hes literally just crying

- tried to do karaoke through his tears, couldnt sing the tears away

Mr Sandman

- pushed into the dance circle, accidentally made a conga line, who knew a conga line full of drunk men could be so fun?

- watching aran ryan eat weird shit & cheering him on because he thinks its funny

- bald bull tried to make a "man me a sand" joke to him, ended up looking like he was having a seizure

- "Mr sandman.. Sand.. The man?.. Sand man.. Uhhh, man him a sand-"

- "bull please lay down"

- enjoying bear huggers sea shanties

- trying to get glass joe off the roof

- fell asleep using a freezer as a pillow

Extra

- narcis showed up to tell everyone that theyre losers & left

- doc louis left early with mac as soon as the alcohol drinking started

#headcanon #punch out #bald bull #punch out wii #don flamenco #piston hondo #glass joe #aran ryan #punch out headcanons #narcis prince #punch out!! #doc louis #little mac #alcohol mention #emetophobia tw

[study-core-101]

Popular Study Methods I dont like

(By Jay)

A list of study techniques that dont work for me at all. But study methods can work amazing for one person and then just complicate studying more for another. If they work for you, awesome, i'm happy about that. These are my personal experience with them, a lot of people wont relate and thats fine, people are different. But if you relate why these common/popular methods dont work for me, know you arent the only one and that there are more options. People might tell you "this method is amazing, you should do this" and there for you is shit.

Memorazing

Avoid this. When you memorize you dont learn. You cannot conect concepts because you dont understand. One thing is memorazing formulas, which is nessesary, but memorazing everything doesnt work. Understandment is way better. Yes, we need to remember and storage the information in our memory, but memorazing is different. Knowing the theory ord by word is shit if you cannot explain it in different words, conect it wit other concepts or put in practise.

Flashcards

Yep, studyblr favourite study method. Bear with me.

For me, it is a really passive way. When i make the Q&As of the flashcards, i remember the answers. I dont think. I associate the words. And then, when the test has the questions phrased different, my mind goes blank. It seem liked i learned because i remember but i wasnt actually learning.

Now you are probably thinking "use it for vocabulary". That doesnt help me either. Maybe it helps for knowing the meaning in a reading, but writing? I cant remember the spelling. For learning to spell a word i need to write it down. Use it in a sentence. Reading it over and over doesnt do anything.

All-nighters

Oh god, there is nothing worse than an all-nighter. One all-nighter will ruin your sleep schedule for weeks and tired=learn less. Plus, too much all-nighters lead to burn out.

With better time management, all-nighters wouldnt probably exist, or at least, be reduced by a lot

Also, as someone with chronic migraines, an all-nighter'd only give me a week straight with only terrible pain and i prefer failing a subject than that (i'd had to learn the hard way that lesson. always prioritaze your health)

Pomodoro

It's a little bit hypocrital of me to put it here, as I usually reccomend it to others. But personally? It just de-motivaties and stresses me. (disclaimer: it is a good technique, thats why i recomend it even if it doesnt work for me).

I'll explain why. The only way i can do a lot of productive stuff together (or just a long assignment) is to "get in the mood" or have like a "streak". I usually have to power through the first 5-10 minutes of studying and then i get super motivated and do a lot until my brain asks for a break. When the timer rings, it breaks it and i have to repeat the rutine again. It wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt that i work 3 or 4 times faster when i motivated than when i am powering through.

Also, having the self-impose deadline of a pomodoro (i know it isnt technically a deadline, but for some unknown reason, my brain processes it as one) makes me nervous and gives me anxiety. Just knowing the timer is going to go off anytime un-focus me. It's unnesesary stress.

#study motivation #studyblr #study #study aesthetic #study blog #studyspo #study-core-101 #student #study community #studyinspo #study techniques #study methods #studying #study tips #study time #pomodoro method #pomodoro timer #pomodoro technique #flashcards #all nighters #all nighter #study core 101 #study core #study method #studying tips

[bathroomtrapped]

saw ask. so let's say hypothetically (not really) all the apprentices are autistic (they are) headcanon them

saw ask ‼️‼️ i completely agree unironically and i keep that in mind when i consume/write/draw saw content. jigsaw apprentices? more like PDA autistics anonymous jfc

i (shamefully) am not an amanda-guy and dont have pretty much any headcanons about her overall so sorry about that but ill do some bullet points for the apprentices bc ive thought TOO MUCH abt this

adam

1. the most obvious PDA manifestation, though i think its strong in mark and lawrence for sure, adam just doesnt mask his. he pretty much built his life around maximizing free will and full control over his schedule

2. constantly reducing sensory input with music and being baked. his apartment is dead silent and dark 24/7 tho

3. honestly i think adam has shocking high levels of empathy. most people in his life wouldnt peg him as someone who would struggle with that but i think its what sets him apart from nearly every saw character. hes so isolated but desperate to understand and connect with other people, even if hes in the shadows

4. studies high class targets and their mannerisms. it helped him function during a few job interviews

5. hates eating, hates effort so pretty much eats like shit. very few specific, cheap, prepackaged meals that he can handle. anything that isnt a time commitment to prepare and eat

6. talks too much to overcompensate (not sure if people are able to understand what hes getting at and ends up rambling)

lawrence

1. i hc him as a narc as well which (as you can imagine) combined with PDA makes instruction/criticism/responsibility stressful so hes constantly overloaded

2. same as above, combined with asd i think its the biggest reason he has that canonical low empathy (similar to mark)

3. can only eat incredibly plain and simple foods. rice, bread, vegetables without butters/oils etc. very picky

4. very little auditory sensory issues after so many years in a hospital and needs noise in order to function (including sleep)

5. started wearing pajamas under his suits after a few years in residency because hes already tired 24/7, the terrible fabric on top of that just makes him insane

6. struggled through med school because lectures are hard to interpret and hes more of a visual learner

7. so much eye contact

8. remember that dog picture in his wallet we see for like 5 seconds? i cant imagine someone like him enjoying the texture or sporadic energy of a dog and makes it sleep in dianas room at night. its not allowed in the office and he meticulously cleans all of the dog hair the second he sees any

9. absolutely allergic to change in every way

mark

1. low empathy as i mentioned before

2. he wears a lot loose fitting suits in canon which i think are for sensory reasons. he clearly prioritizes comfort with those (interesting) track pants?

3. i have joked with my mutuals about his off-putting, autistic ass stare countless times

4. terrible liar because he has less control over his facial expressions and mannerisms. he ends up making too much eye contact and thinks that brutal honesty is a good idea. he has an almost nonexistent filter

5. he reminds me of that brand of autism that a lot of patriarchs have, the kind that goes unnoticed bc theyre the head of the household. meat and potatoes his entire life, strange rituals and routines everyone has to get used to

6. extremely black and white sense of justice and a poor understanding of hierarchal authority. he doesnt get why people are above or below other people and struggles with those concepts

7. everyone in the precinct knows not to joke with mark because it will always fall flat and have to be explained. mark has rly funny but dry and blunt humor himself

#saw movies #larry.txt #i seriosuly think abt this sm also whoops sorry abt the obvious bias #i write lawrences pov more often so i have more to say on that

[urfavtwat]

so I have a friend who ghosted me twice and I know the easy answer to this is cut them off … yes but it’s not as easy because we did communicate and it just sucks that I had to find out she got engaged through rumors and we saw each other a few times then she ghosted bc she called off her own wedding so I gave her the spce she needed but you know it’s been two years she been dragging this same excuse instead of asking for help I offered but still she insisted that she suppress it anyways fast forward I find out she gets married through social media . I just want to know if I’m on the wrong for reacting and being frustrating with her . We spoke even before and she failed to update me and now that I confronted she keeps justifying her ghosting by say life happens it’s about practicality also the fact that everyone has a reason that’s not known to one another just to justify her not communicating with me and ghosting . What can I say to her ! Any thoughts and I just want to know if I’m

So, I’m going to make multiple points here and look at some of these points from a variety of angles but i will just say before anything as a disclaimer I’m seeing it as one guy with very little context. All things like this are entirely case by case and you would know this person better than me so anything i say just take with a pinch of salt.

I think whats best to really consider is a) the reason she ghosted you particularly. Was it you amongst many others or was it you because of a significance you play in complicating their emotions etc. b) how close you were.

The simple answer aside from cutting this person off is as an outsider looking in it doesn’t really look like she owes you anything. Whilst i risk sounding blunt saying this I’m a firm believer in the fact no one is owed or should expect anything. It’s decency to get an explanation and i would hope you would get one. I have been ghosted by people very close to my heart and the one thing that hurt was the lack of explanation, i just wake up and bam I’m blocked. But whilst its nice to get one by no means would anyone have to nor would they have to ask you for help.

Now context is paramount as if you are being blocked along with 50 people then that would suggest she just wants to be alone and maybe doesnt want to have to tell the whole world updates on her life. Getting married is a massive commitment which im sure is exhausting enough so maybe thinking to explain it to people you dont have to isnt the most appealing as it probably gets to a point where it becomes exhausting going through the motions of telling someone again.

By contrast again contextually dependant maybe she is blocking you specifically because you play that role in complicating emotions.

Additionally how did you approach the subject when you knew? If this person is struggling to stay afloat did you go to them with support and excitement of their news or did you immediately go with hostility and confront them? As if this was the case it could play support to why she struggles to communicate with you. These things go both ways and its definitely worth looking back on how you acted to see if you were the most approachable version of yourself.

Alternatively maybe you were approachable and understanding and supportive and maybe the reality of all this is that you deserve better and people who treat you to the same high regard in which you treat them.

Ive been in your position and i truly do understand how you feel and what i have discussed above is things i found years later when reflecting on the way i acted and by no means is intended to be intentionally challenging.

To summarise, people don’t owe you shit, know your worth, however if you truly feel mistreated as hard as it is and i know it is, it might be time to throw in the towel on this one.

I hope this had helped and provided some insight as an outsider looking in and i hope its maybe provided a new perspective to become either more understanding or to clarify emotions you already felt. I wish you all the best.

#anon #ask #an absolute novel sorry readers

[etherealspacejelly]

Okay so. This is a bit of a rant that I cant give my parents and... You're really supportive and all. I get that this might be too much, so... If you dont wanna answer this, dont. Its okay. It has helped me already to write it. And this is very clearly different to your usual asks.

Im not officially diagnosed with Autism or ADHD. Im very weird, struggle with a bunch of stuff and definitely have anxiety disorder. I kinda fell into depression? Im out of it now. Got a CPTSD diagnosis too. All the fun stuff.

Anyways. When I was in the clinic and people kept telling me I was super duper intelligent and basically could therapy myself and none of them understood that this self awareness was partially the fault of my depression, it felt like shit. They told me I was too socially adapt to be autistic and too focused for ADHD.

But they did say I could have a really high IQ, but didnt have a reason to test that.

When my parents asked why it was important to me, I didnt have words. I guess I always felt like the robot or the alien or the black sheep and that I had to make an effort to fit in. I always felt like I was missing out.

Would knowing change anything? I dont friggin know, Dude.

So why am I telling you? Its probably because you're really nice about these kinds of things and everything concidered, maybe I just wanna hear one person tell me that its okay to want to know even if it doesnt change anything. I couldnt explain it to you. I just wish I had been tested. Maybe things wouldnt have been so hard then? Maybe I could have been happier, you know.

This is a bad little pipeline to go down, but hopefully it makes sense to you anyways. Im trying not to think that way. I wanna know for myself. I want that stamp on the paper telling me Im not making it up. Validating my struggle, I guess.

Anyways. Im sorry for barging into your asks like this. Do you have any tips for people like me, who are just kinda... drifting?

oh sweetheart :(

im so sorry that you are going through that. i dont have any tips for you unfortunately, but what i can tell you is that you are not alone. there are plenty of people out there who feel exactly like this.

knowing you dont fit in but not knowing Why is such a common experience for late/undiagnosed folks. it is not at all unreasonable to want to understand why you feel the way you do, even if it wouldnt really change anything.

there is no such thing as being 'too smart' or 'too social' to be autistic. i was never considered for an autism diagnosis probably for the same reasons. we come in all shapes and sizes, and our symptoms present all sorts of different ways. and when you throw adhd into the mix things get even more complicated, and the adhd and autism can even mask each other a little, making it even harder to get a diagnosis despite the high comorbidity rate.

i see your struggle. your struggle was my struggle, for many years. just because it doesnt show outwardly doesnt mean it isnt there. you deserved to get the help you needed. and im very sorry that you didnt. i didnt either.

i hope that things improve for you as they did for me.

#inbox #ask #inbox open #autism #adhd

[beesmygod]

Somewhat embarassing writer question- how do you write characters that like screw up so well? I think I sometimes get stuck in a neurotic rut where like I always want characters who aren't The Bad Guy or something to do the right/smart thing or like not make them look bad and realize its probably holding me back writing wise

not embarrassing to anyone but me i think; i honestly take a long time to reply to questions that ask me to explain my process because i get overcome with the waves of sheer terror that come with being in front of a live audience. im know how i read from an external perspective; i represent that contingency of people who position themselves as some sort of authority on taste and/or artistic creation who themselves are only capable of making subpar and shallow works. uhhh like, its embarrassing to be caught thinking so hard about something you do that sucks, if that makes sense. esp when im a v critical person lol. so, like all things, remember that this is one idiots perspective on writing.

anyway:

i understand this problem even if i dont think i succumb to it as much as i used to. i think there are a few avenues to think about this starting with:

are you afraid of audience reaction? this is a common fear i see pop up that i think is very overblown by people who cut themselves off at the knees creatively over the mere concept of being yelled at by an imaginary person. the comforting truth is that not enough people will be reading your comic to find a reason to get mad about it and the people who do read it will be doing it in good faith. and if they do get mad....thats teh power of art babey!

does the bad behavior make sense? it doesnt have to be morally grey or logical, it just has to be COMPREHENSIBLE that someone would do what they did. a reason for an audience to react poorly to a character's choices is because the character's motivations are inscrutable to anyone but the author. if the audience is not privy to a character's intentions, desires, goals, or habits, a bad choice may come off as random and arbitrary. like, you can do that, but you can only do "i did it to be random" so many times before the audience loses patience with the cast and starts to wonder why they should care about people with no sense of self-preservation.

is it important that the character is right? i almost always default to what would be the funniest/more interesting/quickest action depending on what i'm trying to do with the scene at the original time of writing or while making the actual page lol. i only choose the cleanest option when i need to get myself out of a scene for my own sake

i hope this helps. thank you for asking something that made me think

[suck-a-egg]

A possible au that has been entertaining the hell out of me for months but everytime I try to post it, I forget it immediately.

long story short: Domino survives, they go into hiding until after order 66. This is going to be hard to explain so stick with me

After Rishi, it turns out that Droidbate was more or less stunned but left behind by the others. He has a weird feeling and decides to stick back. He gets out of the building in time to watch Cutup get eaten by the eel and the flair go up and the other three make their way to the "inspectors" and sees Rex kill the eel. He runs and cuts Cutup, haha, out of the eel's stomach because I dont understand how stomach acid works and I don't care to know.

Newly released Cutup and confused as fuck Droidbate, now watch as Hevy sacrifices himself and they bust into the old station and find him burnt up. Listen, if Echo can survive an explosion so can Hevy. They somehow got him stable, don't know how and don't really care.

After Fives and Echo leave with Rex and Cody they get in contact with the "survivors" and give them a comm channel to contact them on and they all talk regularly. The twins give the comm channel to 99 the morning of the invasion but he never gets to use it.

After the citadel, Echo still gets blown up there's literally no way of stopping it, the comm channel goes silent until Umbara where Fives just wants an outsiders opinion and starts talking to them again.

When Fives finds out about the chips, Fox shoots Fives in the shoulder instead of the chest and one of the Corrie guards patches him up. Fives, understanding that if he stays with the GAR then he will be killed, contacts Domino and is smuggled off the planet and back to their little base that they made in a corner of Rishi (Kamino doesn't really pay attention to the moon anymore). Rex doesn't know where Fives; went he just knows he's alive and has no way of communicating with him.

Fast forward towards the end of the war, Rex and the bad batch find Echo caught in the wires on Skako Minor. Rex tries his hardest to try to somehow get in contact with Fives but he's just left at a lot of dead ends. He tells Echo about Fives to a certain degree. He basically just tells him that he went AWOL and doesnt even try to explain the chips or anything. But Echo, being one of the one only people to know about the comm channel, just calls Fives one day and has him explain it.

Domino, now knowing that Echo is alive, tries to convince him to leave the GAR and come with them. But since Echo is not done fighting yet, he chooses to go with the Bad Batch. But Domino makes him agree that if he's ever in trouble or needs help that he will contact them but once he does they will take him "home" to be with them.

Hunter figures out that Echo knows some type of squad outside of the ones that he has personally met because he hears a little bit of their conversation due to his senses. But he chooses to not say anything.

Order 66 still happens and the events of season 1 of the Bad Batch still happens.

After the fall of Kamino, Rex contacts the Batch asking them to go on a mission with him and they somehow end up captured (Omega included). The group that captured them are allies with the Techno Union and they easily figured out who and what Echo was and are trying to take him back to Wambor. The captors for some reason didn't take their equipment, so Echo, now panicking, contacts Hevy specifically, because he's the least likely to freak out, and asks for help. The batch has no idea who he's talking to but Rex has an idea after he hears Hevy's voice.

Rex starts to basically interrogate Echo, asking how long he had known, who was alive, why he kept it a secret. Echo breaks down because he doesn't want his older brother to be mad at him but he also wants to keep his other brothers safe and away from the war.

Wambor shows up an hour before Domino does and they have already taken Echo and hooked him back into a computer and have him completely out of it.

Domino busts in and Hevy and Droidbait find Rex and the rest of the Batch. They let them out of their cell and start asking them where Echo is but get cut off by Fives and Cutup on the comm line telling them that they had found the final Domino. Everyone rushes over and finds Fives cradling Echo to his chest while trying to calm him down. Fives ends up carrying him out of the prison and back on to the ship that they somehow commandeered.

They get poor echo back on the ship and after some questioning from Rex, they take the Batch back to the marauder but when they try to get off of Domino's ship, Echo doesn't go with them and chaos ensues.

You didn't see this, E

#dont worry about it #the clone wars #the bad batch #domino squad #domino twins #arc trooper echo #arc trooper fives #the clone wars hevy #clone wars cutup #clone trooper droidbate #captain rex #sergeant hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb omega

[imeanhesqueer]

what fanfic are u referring to when u said u left a hate comment on it and we shouldn’t ask if we don’t know.. i know u said don’t ask but im curious.. can i have some context or something please 😭

omg ok, so im referring to the whizzvin scat fic.

the context and stuff is gonna be under the cut because even though it's not a huge deal to some people, it's still pretty gross and if someone doesnt wanna see an explanation they don't have to

anyways, in 2022 someone on ao3 wrote a fan fiction about marvin and whizzer from falsettos where marvin asked whizzer to basically... use him as a "toilet". basically it was a falsettos shit and piss fan fiction.

the basic context of the fic out of the way, im gonna explain a few reasons (that i picked up on) for why its so hated, other than the main one which is the fact its a whizzvin shit and piss fic.

first off, to me and others, it seemed pretty clear whizzer didn't want to participate in the activities marvin was offering but marvin kept coercing whizzer to accept the offer until he finally did. marvin also practically spiked whizzers coffee with like laxatives or something dealing with gut health?? marvin said he didn't spike anything but like.. if you put a "drug/medicine" into someones coffee that they didn't want or consent to, thats spiking a drink. the whole fic is already gross and the fact there was barely consent makes it so much worse.

second problem with the fic was that the author labeled it as a "satire" when it clearly was not satirical. it was pretty obviously meant to be a serious fic about piss and shit fetishes and you could tell that. they wrote the fic so detailed and seriously and i personally think that they should've owned up to it instead of hiding behind the "satire" tag to excuse what they did.

third, they also labeled the fic as "for falsettos twt" which also was just shitty. i seriously doubt that 99% of falsettos twt wanted the fic. personally, i think that if there was a handful of people that requested/demanded this fic (dont understand why??) just send it to them instead of dragging a whole community into it. though, id rather the fic not be written at all. bottom line it was shitty to drag a whole unsuspecting community into it.

lastly, i just think the fic in general was plain disgusting for so many reasons. its just very gross and i hope the author gets help because this fic was just vomit inducing.

bottom line is that this fic sucks and that i think you shouldnt even try to read it. i cant stop you if you do but you were warned. overall tho, hope this explained things a lil better/sorry if this explanation traumatized you.

also lmk if i might've missed anything/recalled something wrong btw because im not perfect/i didn't analyze this fic because i can barely read the first sentence without vomiting in my mouth.

#asks >:^) #falsettos #this fic is awful #i like dont even wanna tag falsettos but i am #sorry for the ranting and rambling

[that-one-weeb-but-it-transformer]

Can you do tfp ratchet bulkhead and Starscream human s/o with POTS(or just a chronic illness if that is to specific)crying because they’re tired of family and doctors telling what is and isn’t wrong with their body and giving them unhelpful advice.

I’m sorry if this is too much but I’m going through this right now and I really just need some comfort. It’s cool if you don’t feel like doing this one though.

The Bots with a S/0 that has POTS

Notes: I'd love to do it for you! And homie if you ever need a hug. I got you. I can understand how difficult things like this can be so if you ever just wanna talk even if its a hello how are you. I'd be happy to talk to you. Also have a hard time writing Starscream I never know why

Characters: Bulkhead, Ratchet, Starscream

⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

⊷⊶⊷⊶Bulkhead⊷⊶⊷⊶

Doesnt exactly understand POTS no matter how much you explain it to him

He knows though, if you go up. Theres a possibly of you going down hard

He's a sweet soul so he's always asking how your day was

And some days. Its just bad

Some days when he picks you up he can already hear the arguing before you even get out the house

"Take your meds!"

"They don't work!"

"Be reasonable Y/n!"

"They don't work!"

Bulkhead even knows they dont work. And you're brusing easier.

So what does he do to try and cheer you up?

"Hey why don't me make your bruisies into drawings! Miko does that with my battle scars!"

It makes you feel happy that someones actually trying to make you feel better

He acts like you dont even have anything wrong with you

Well he accomidates the best he can. Like sticking his foot out when you start to fall over to atleast catch yourself on something

Miko recommended him they should tucktape pillows to his peds

You called him crying just wanting him to pick you up after a mentally abusing day

You're doctors are trying to put you on a Home IV and you heard your parents talk about simply just admitting you to the hopsital

Bulkhead gladly picked you up and you dont wanna talk about it

Okay thats fine

"Oh! Miko picked up your favorite! Its in my glove box!"

Chinese hot dog buns with a bottle of water. Full of salt. And a great comfort food for you

Two in one

Especially when you've been crying alot

"Are you gonna stop being friends with me if my family puts me in the hospital?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"People dont like being friends with problem people..."

"Ah! That's a bunch of scrap." He defended, "You're awesome!"

He's text book defenition of emotional support

He checks up on you regularly as you often take naps

Knows your whole medication list by the dinosaur stickers you label them with and your whole when you gotta take what

He helps you decorate your medicane bottles, makes them less intimidating some times

You actually draw little deerpy bulkheads on your medicane caps now

When you have to go get refills he'll drive you and the pharmacist thinks the bottle Decor is cute

Calls you a good influence to the little kids who get scared of medication

Its all thanks to Bulkhead really: he's there for you

⊷⊷⊶⊷Ratchet⊶⊷⊶⊷

Actually

He had to find out himself, or more of force it out of you.

All the brusies and the suddenly going pale. He knows your secretly taking pills too

He doesnt exactly know what your doing

But he knows you're hiding something

"What are you taking?"

"What? Nothing." Y/n spoke dry swallowing the pills as quick as Y/n could, no one had to know.

"What are you taking."

"Nothing Ratchet."

"Y/n."

Y/n eyes rolled, "its medicane."

"Are you sick?"

Y/n looked at him and nodded shortly, "in a way yeah"

And thats how he learns about you having POTS

He ask how your doing physically and not much about you mentally

He tends to stay away from connection in general due to the past but with you he wants to be invested but doesn't completely at the same time.

But once you call him real late at night crying he's emotionally invested.

He's a doctor yeah but knows squat shit about human bodies, so it's more of you see Ratchet as a "friend" (yeah right your invested) than a doctor

"They wanna put me on a home iv." Y/n told him, all curled up in his passenger seat, "I already know it won't work. I've tried it before."

"Perhaps diffrent Medication?" Ratchet suggested.

Y/n shrugged, "I...I'm tired of med's Ratchet."

"I know." He spoke, "Are they giving you any other options?"

"Service Animal. More Meds or an IV." Y/n told him, "Dad just wants to leave me at a hospital."

Ratchet's in silence, he sitting in thought, "Perhaps that's for the best. Perhaps not a hospital. But to leave."

"You mean like take a break from my family?" Y/n questioned, "I guess..."

So Ratchet let you room with him for a few days.

Its kept secret.

You're very happy that you're not as bad as you usually are. And was happy to see Stress was making your dizzy spells worse and more frequent.

Luckily you're relaxed with Ratchet and he asked genuine questions about what your illness truly is

So he makes sure you eat, drink lots of water, always keeps tabs on you.

And to enforce you eating and drinking, he forces himselves to take scheduled breaks

Those forced breaks allow both of you to relax and even allow Ratchet to work better.

But sometimes you still gotta just like lay down.

Even if its on his work space.

"Are you alright?"

"Just a bad one is all."

And he leaves it at that. Sure he still watches over you but he's not gonna baby you

Not over something he knows you have in control

But occasionally he does become helicopter mom

⊷⊶⊷Starscream⊷⊶⊷

Could absolutely careless to be honest

The veichons probally cared more about you than anything

That was in the beginning of course

Until he realized alot of the veichons started taking random ass breaks with you

Litterally sat in the hallway with you while you're tryin to even out

High altitude on the nemsis especially if your on the dock makes it worse

He teases you about it: saying fleshies are scared of height

But like no bro. Your about to litterally pass out

Thanks Breakdown for atleast be like "ayo. She's litterally dieing."

He finally sees this is a bit more than a height issue

No shit

He finally starts taking notice seeing you napping alot in Knockouts medbay

"Great. A screamer and a neglecting mech is in the medbay." Breakdown grumbled.

"Ignore him," Knockout spoke waving off Starscream.

"Excuse me-"

He's basically ignored by the others.

Breakdowns basically your big brother and Starscream being neglectful of Y/n's health does not make him happy

Starscream finally comes around to ask you what the hell is actually happening.

But it turns into and arguement: you dont wanna tell him, and you're tryin to just keep tears back from before he picked you up w/ a ground bridge

"Doesn't matter."

"It quiet obviously does if you're little medbay group is all over it."

"Oh please." Y/n grumbled the stopped, Y/n feeling Rocky, "shit..."

Y/n immediately takes a seat, right there in the middle of the hall.

"Becoming Dizzy?" A passing Veichon spoke.

"Yep."

Food was tossed a packet and a bottle of water by the veichon, both being terribly thrown Y/n's way.

"Thanks." Y/n spoke leaning over to grab the bag and water then looked up at Starscream and sighed, "I have POTS."

"You have what?"

So there you are explaining it to him

He's upset you didnt explain it to him sooner.

You shrugged as you ate the pretzels

No he's like genuinely upset

He's been watching over you this long and just now knows about this

How does he even research POTS? He did search it up but he just got pots you cool with

Soundwave helps, in the side research

Though he doesnt have much space to store you snacks, he knows the medbay has snacks for you

He also knows that you're most comfortable in the medbay as you're often sleeping more than 1/2 the day

So. He's often visiting the medbay even more than usual now

Even if your sleeping alot more and he doesn't get to talk to you as Much as he wants to, your health is more important

Keeps you away from the flight deck

Because if you suddenly get dizzy and tip the wrong way well.

He doesnt need a spark attack

#transformers #tfp #transformersprime #tfp headcanons #tfp ratchet #tfp bulkhead #tfp starscream #headcannons #tfp decepticons #tfp autobots #x reader #tfp x reader headcannons

[bigmack2go]

No i dont think u understand!! I love heartstopper with my heart and all and im greatfull for all the representation but theres just so much i will never see myself in tv or media.

I want to see a kid having two(+) crushes and despair bc „why do i have to choose?“

But instead of the kid chOoSiNg ThE BeTtEr PeRsON iN tHe eNd i want to see them end up with BOTH because you dont have to choose! You can love several people in a romantic way and theres NOTHING wrong with it!

I want to see a girl that doesnt get along with other girls or a boy that doesnt get along with boys( or just isnt the same as other boys/girls)

I want to see a kid that just doesn’t belong to either. I dont wanna hear „not boy enough for the girls and not girl enough for the boys“ and have them struggle with the other people. NO! I want them to wonder for themselves who they are! Have them realize they dont belong to both or to either BUT TO NEITHER!

I want to see an outcast that isn’t all „boys at school never look at me. Im just not a main character…“ give me a kid thats an outcast but „WHY??? WHY AM I AN OUTCAST?? IM NOT EVEN THAT BAD WHY CANT NO ONE SEE THAT???“

Give me an authistic kid that doesn’t realize its being picked on until its to late. I want to see then masking and learning to unmask! I dont want to see not because „what is your problem?“ but because What is my problem? I want to see them struggling to name their feelings and even understand themselves! I want them to have to explain themselves and their actions but not being able too because THEY DONT KNOW EITHER!! I want them to be told their not authistic because „if you were authistic [insert authitic stty]“ i want them to accept that they have a disability and learn to live with it, not to say „aUthIsM iS A GiFt“ because for it fuking isnt! Its a condition! But that doesn’t make you less worthy of anything.

I want a kid that gets made fun off and KNOWS it but they cant do anything about it because the bullying is so passive that everyone’s just like „hAvE YoU eVeR cOnsIdeReD tHeyRe NoT aCtuAlLly AgaInSt YoU?” And being told to just engage with them, but of they do that then everyone will know theyre a fool and they fell for the passiveness and „did u actually think we wanted to be your friends ha ha“

I want an adhd kid that wonders „what is wrong with me?“ „why me???“ or „why cant i just be like everyone else“ i want them to struggle with asignments and get burned out and shit! I wanna see them nit asking for help because „istg if one more person asks me what dont you understand im gonna lose it!“ because „HOW AM I SUPOSED TO KNOW WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IF I DONT UNDERSTAND IT?!“ i want to see them react negatively when they meet another kid with adhd thats like them instead of „i fInNaLy FoUnd SoMeoNe ThAt UndErStAnDs mE“ because

„THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT WAS GOOD ABOUT THIS WHOLE STUFF! I COULD NEVER FIT IN AND THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT IT WAS THAT I WAS UNIQUE! AND NOW I DONT EVEN GET TO HAVE THAT ANYMORE“

I want a kid that is of faith but not the same faith that they were raised with.

I want to see a christian kid thats friends with a muslim kid,because w h a t d o i c a r e? Maybe one of us is wrong. Maybe were both wrong. Maybe were both right! There is quite literally no way to find out!

I want to see them both struggle because the musilm kid hears shit like

„you realise that r the same ppl that k!ll3d ourlikes back in the day..“ (but why r they so nice then?) from one side, and „blah blah are you/ your parents terrorist(s)?“ (where’d u get that idea from) from the other

And the other kid hears „you cant be friends with a blasphemer“ and „you realise that everything you stand for is homophobic and what not“

Even better; give me a GAY christian that goes to church on Sundays and to pride on Fridays!

Give me an abuse surviver that was emotionally manipulated. Someone who thought that was normal. Some one who’s been lied to. Someone who has to change their whole worldview because everything they believed to be fact wasn’t. I want to see them growing into the person that did that to them in the first place BUT AGAINST THEIR WILL! I want them to fight against it! I want them to struggle because they don’t wanna hurt anyone but they know they’re toxic. Not in a „im just a burdain anyways i should go kms“ way but in a genuine way where they do genuinely bad things sometimes without realising it. But they can win that fight and the y D O N T have to become the abuser.

Give me an emotionally traumatised kid. A kid that keeps apologising and that panics when things go to good!

I want to hear the story of a bullying victim that changes school and it actually gets better and they panic about it.

I want them to genuinely believe their new friendgroup secretly has a groupchat without them. I want them to genuinely think people are laughing AT THEM when they r laughing in private. I want them to genuinely believe that no one gets it. I want them to genuinely think certain people dont want to do with them and r just being polite every here and there because „they r so cool! There is no possible way they would actually wanna be friends w me“

I want everything in they’re life to grow to be better but they just dont. They just watch their life improving while they dont heal. The damage is done, the glue is dryed. You cant do anything about it anymore. Its to late.

They genuinely think they cant heal anymore

A gifted kid that struggles more than everyone else and „they must have switched something up! Theres no possible way that my iq is barely 10 under einsteins.“ because they keep struggling.

Gimme a dyslexic kid that doesn’t go „why do i not get this“ but instead „why does everyone else get this??“

Give me a discalculatic kid for whom its the other way around! I don’t wanna see the same thing that every kid has with maths like „dO yOu GuYs ActUaLlY UndErStAnd ThIs??“ no! (They dont prolly but thats just normal) they go „how come i dont understand this when everyone else seems to do it somehow“

A kid with generalized anxiety disorder being misjudged as paranoid. A kid that panics because of the most obscure things. „What if a metheor destroys earth“

If your feeling funny connect it with ocd!

„What if everyone in my family is zombies? I cant just ask them that because if i do they know their cover is up and then they dont have a reason to not do zombie stuff anymore“

(I actually genuinely believed that for three years straight and i had so many panic attacks.)

I dont want then to not ask for help because „thats stupid lol! Everyone will think im a dumb kid woth too much fantasy“ but instead „if i ask for help IT’LL GET WORSE!“

A boy that has everything!

His parents have much money, he’s white (dont experience racism), he’s straight (no homophobia), cis, a boy, has friends, nothing stressful in his life „so why do i feel so damn bad?!“

A kid that digs into their past and theyre grandparents and stuff and find something they just didnt wanna know!

This is the representation i need! I need to see the other representation too but it��s not done with that!

There is so much more that kids think they will never see themselves in when watching tv etc. and they WILL grow to belive that they are wrong or not normal for that if that doesn’t change!

I could go on abt this and maybe i will tbh but in the coments lol

(I didnt do anything abt racism because im a white person and i dont experience it! I dont think i should talk about stuff that i dont know about as much as someone who IS experiencing it does)

#representation matters #representation #mental health #autism #adhd #polyamory #bullying #burnout #nonbinary

[sprngcat]

another solitaire theory i guess?

so, I was talking with my friend about Silent Hill's plot and she explained me that Angela's (a character from the game) final arc is really important to understand her trauma and why does she act the way she does

basically, when u meet Angela for the last time, u can see her on a ladder that is on fire, and she talks a lot about no one helping her get through her pain, because no one would have made it anyway. she asks James (the protagonist) to stay away from her and let her die in piece, so her pain can go away, then she kill herself..

I think this could be very related to the end of solitaire, especially because, like Angela, tori keep people away cause of her personality and pessimistic way, the whole book we have the impression that tori doesn't let people help her, she just run away from everyone, even Michael, and lie if someone asks if she is okay, cause she doesn't want to be a burden to her friends and also doesn't think someone will understand her perfectly.. if her pain doesn't go away, then why talk with someone about it? what would change if she does that? that's her thoughts in my perspective.

and, again, I think that fire at the end of both storys can be related to the perspective of "barrier"

the two characters run into the fire to hurt herselves and to stay away from people outside, and I think this can mean some things

fire, from my point of view, in both situations can represent a barrier that the characters put up from their internal world to the external world. they have already been so hurt that they have given up giving chances to the people around them, as they don't see the prospect of change in the short or long term. so they put themselves in a dangerous situation, which even hurts them, for fear of the external being worse

besides fire hurting tori because, there, she is in danger, its hot and she can like, DIE with a lot of pain, fire also hurts who tries to get closer. i think that this can be a metaphor to tori hurting Michael with her way to express her feelings, she act like she doesnt care to nothing and anyone and, as the time pass, Michael starts to get tired, cause he thought if she doesn't want him there and dont wanna be his friend, which is even the complete opposite. tori just is too scared to let someone get closer, but she loves Michael and appreciate he as a friend, she knows he is a good person and that he truly cares about her.. but she cant just delet her fears, unfortunately

but, even Michael being insecure about tori's feelings, he just RUN INTO THE FIRE FOR HER!! he pass all the barriers, the fire, her fears, everything, cause he wants to be with her. he loves her. and I think this is the most beatiful thing about their relationship

so, thats it!! i hope i am not going nuts with this but, in my mind, this makes completely sense lol

i am terrible at explaining my thoughts so... sorry if its confusing, i truly tried :,)

kisses!!

#alice oseman #heartstopper #michael holden #solitaire #heartstopper series #words #literature #tori spring #osemanverse #solitaire alice oseman #silent hill #theory

[spikeinthepunch]

i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

#good god long post in coming

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

You may remember me from such films as "You Will Never Be A Woman", "Your Skin Is Thicker and Rougher Than That Of Woman", "Your Pores And Connective Tissue Are Arranged Differently From Those Of A Woman", "Your Bone Structure, Including Jaw, Brow Ridge, And Hips, Is Obviously Male", "You Have A Man's Hairline", "Your Ring Finger Is Longer Than Your Index Finger", "Your Navel Is Above Your Waist", "Your Body Stores Fat Differently Than A Woman's Does", "Your Saliva, Sweat and Urine Contain Male Pheromones", "You Are Biologically Incapable Of Menstruation and Pregnancy", "Every Somatic Cell In Your Body Contains The Y Chromosome", "Children Are Confused When They See You", and who can forget: "Your Parents Will Use Your Real Name When They Bury You".

I gotta agree with you on almost all of that, my real name is actually unisex, i didnt change it. Graves also dont say male or female on them, and with my friends and family being loving and accepting im not worried about it. That is if im even lucky enough to get a grave with a headstone, those are expensive and well, I'm a millennial and I don't wanna leave my family with a shitload of debt. When i die ill probably be cremated and sit in an urn on a shelf for a few decades, or ill be spread about in some place i loved during life. Its funny, i actually dont want to be cremated even though its the cheapest option in my country. If i had complete control over my burial all id do is make a deal with a farmer, and ask to be buried "raw", wrapped in an all natural hemp or unbleached cotton sheet, and have a tree planted over top of me, that way i can fertilize it, and have a bench placed nearby, and a dirt footpath leading to me so that my family and friends can come see me for a "visit" after im gone. Thats what id like, and to be honest I'm more worried about being embalmed and buried with a body full of embalming fluids and preservatives thatll pollute the nearby enviroment in a casket thatll do the same, fuck that shit!!

But yeah no, like I said I agree with you on most of that. I don't deny the truth and live in a fantasy land of denial and such. However the second last one is untrue, adults have a harder time with it than their children do, and thats if they even give a shit, because most of society doesnt. In 3 years ive never once met somebody with genuine hatred for me in real life. You people seem to only exist on the internet, and you people are a very very small minority. Like i said, nobody in the real world cares, they're all too busy living our own lives and understand that people like me exist, and it isnt worth the time out of their day to bully me and put me down. But back to the one thing I dispute about what you said, the children! Now children aren't confused when they see me, because they see a female. Why? Well, after 3 years of hormones and some laser hair removal i dont look like a man, I don't look like "something" in-between. They see a woman, albeit taller than average, I'm well past the point where parents have to explain anything, I blend in in public places. People don't know unless they've known me for a while or i tell them. So yeah no, there's no confusion when children see me. Hell my mom and I went out tonight looking at stereo equipment at a few different stores and it was "may I help you ma'am?" and such.

So uhh yeah, I think you may be the one who's confused...

On a side note:

Before I came out I was very transphobic and hyper masculine because I figured nobody would expect me to be trans or gay or anything else if I showed hate and acted hyper masculine.

So that brings up the question, are you trying to bully me to distance yourself from who you truly are? Are you confused and/or hiding something deep down that you know to be true? Coming out isn't as traumatic and hard as some folks make it out to be. It is what you make of it, I was scared shitless until I did it, and i didn't lose any friends, get disowned by my family or go through any bullying in real life. Everything I feared never happened. In fact it was the opposite, I found my social circle and my family to be encouraging and happy for me. I was extremely depressed with my gender identity, my body, and in general, I was just so depressed. So when I took the plunge and finally did it, after 7 years of debating and planning, i truly came out of my shell and into my own. I was happy, free, and my mental health stabilized and got better! I had hope that things would change, that I wouldn't be stuck, trapped in a body that disgusted me for the rest of my life. It was slow, like I said it's been 3 years and 2 months since I started hormones and such. But in year two I started seeing the person I always wanted to see looking back at me in the mirror. Around the same time society started seeing me as a female too. It was a slow transformation, but I had hope that I would get to where I'm at now, and well here I am lol!

So yeah, next time you go around trying to shit on somebody for living their best life and doing something positive for themselves. Look inside yourself, and ask yourself why you feel the need to bully somebody for who they are? You might realize something, that it comes from jealousy, a feeling of failure or self hatred. This "ask" says alot about you and your own insecurities. So yeah, when the time comes and you've figured out why you feel the need to bully people, just know that I don't need an apology or anything. I'm not offended, instead I feel bad for you, and I hope you can find peace within yourself one day before its too late...

Sorry about the novel sized answer, I just felt it was necessary.