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furiousgoldfish · 2 years

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Thanks for opening the inbox again, and a huge thank you for being such an awesome source of information and a great person!

Tw emotional stuff, hints of physical(?), drugs and alcohol, and general uncomfortableness

So about a month ago I was able to finally escape my adoptive parents (emotionally and psychologically abusive, neglectful, physically abusive in the way that they overworked me and I developed health problems because of it, and my adoptive mother pretty much ran a cult (hits almost all the points in the BITE model) ). I ended up going to my aunts in a very far away city, and she made herself sound like a really awesome and good person.

But she is... I wont say she is a bad person because that sounds mean and she is letting me stay at her house rent free, but she is... not great.

Firstly, she drinks, and she drinks quite a bit. She'll go outside and drink some bottles if wine and then some beer and get drunk, and like she isnt the worst drunk?? But she likes to drive people around when she is drunk and can be quite uncomfortable. She also smokes a lot of weed and keeps many many large jars of weed in the house, and will get high at random times and still drive people around high and do stuff like that.

She can be okay when she is high, but she is also high or drunk a lot of the time, and has nearly gotten into car crashes because of it (just within my time of being here that has happened multiple times).

When she isnt high or drunk she can get mad at odd things? She hasnt gotten so mad that she attacks (verbally or physically) but shes done that before in the past. Recently one of the things she's been mad at is my cousin and I spending time together, because of a mix of transphobic, queerphobic, sexist and general projection of past people believes that we will get together into a relationship. BUT I (the older one) would be the victim and the target because I'm the poor little orphan child who has gone through a lot in foster care and everything (but she is part of my adoptive mother's cult and loves her and believes everything she says).

She is super super disrespectful and downright inappropriate with my cousin,and us slowly becoming similar to me? In a way at least. She treats me like a stray dog she took in and doesnt really like what I do too much?? She goes to other people and sometimes cries about what I told her because it was "so terribly sad" even though shes put her own kids and grandkids in similar positions? She also shares my personal information to anyone she wants, including the fact that I'm trans.

She has been getting progressively more mad at my cousin and I (for context, my cousin is also on the run from their horrible parentals and dont have a 100% safe place to be, but their current guardians are better than the last) and it's been really really really uncomfortable. She has used manipulation tactics to get what she wants and has triggered our ptsd big time and then calls us weird, creepy, uncomfortable, and immature for reacting that way.

She also has had talks about how weird it is that I have trauma and absolutely refuses the idea my cousin has been traumatized.

Idk what to do because I really need to move out but I'm not ready to move out (just escaped from a cult and trying to adjust to the world without much of a support system because I wasnt allowed to know many people growing up). My cousin really needs a place to stay but with the whole rumors that my aunt is spreading if they came to live with me things would get worse (they are already seemingly getting worse).

I've also been trying to get a list of places to spend time outside of the house so I can get away from my aunt, but that can only last so long and I dont have anywhere I could go overnight (until my cousin's place is free again, but just like them coming here their guardians can get odd).

Do you have any advice or opinions or pointers or anything youcould offer?? I could deeply appreciate any insight from you.

I've uh, sent a few things in to you before and you've been a big help for insight then. I super appreciatethose times of help, thank you for doing what you do.

I'm so happy you got away, that could not have been easy. It's so fucked up they managed to ruin your health beforehand, I've been affected like that too and I despise it.

I had to look up what BITE model is, and it's Behavioural, Information, Thought and Emotional control, extremely cult oriented, and dedicated to keeping a human being completely controlled. It looks terrifying, here's a link to an explanation for anyone else interested.

I'm glad you're at your aunt's place, this sounds horrific. It's okay to complain about your life conditions anytime, even if you don't pay rent, even if you feel like you owe gratitude. It's important to be able to acknowledge when something bothers us, and isn't in line with how we want to live our life, and you're supposed to do it, at all times.

I'm responding to this as I read, because it's so long, and okay the first complaint is big – I don't think anyone abused would feel safe living with a person who drinks a lot. It's unstable, unpredictable, non-reliable, non-consistent person around you, and you do have to always be on your toes, worrying about what will happen next, because drunk people are not at their most responsible – and driving while drunk is dangerous, I'd be upset as well. It would be much safer and more stable to be in the company and under care of people who are sober, reliable, responsible, consistent, emotionally available to you, and this is not the case, and it has to be stressful, and filling you with anxiety.

Almost car-crashes are terrifying! That's human lives being treated as play.

Mad when sober is even worse, that would freak me out so much, I can't imagine how it is for you. Especially if she's attacked you in the past, it can feel like you have to pretend everything is okay on the surface, but in reality, you're just waiting for the moment when you'll inevitably be attacked. This limbo of not-knowing and always expecting it can be just as bad as abuse, I remember hating it even more. I don't know if you do feel like this, but I'm picking up from the circumstances that it's possibly a concern.

Kinda stunned that you're being judged for the possibility of getting into a relationship with a COUSIN, people will just say anything? I'm so sorry, you do not deserve that kind of phobic projections on you, you should be free to spend time with whoever you please, without anyone getting mad. It sounds like the projections are wild and completely misplaced.

Being disrespectful and innapropriate with your cousin also crosses a line, nobody would choose to live with a person who disrespects their loved ones, and it's becoming clear you're stuck there, and stuck tolerating this. Also pretending to be your saviour but then crying to other people how difficult it is to hear about your pain – that's a violation of trust. Who would want to tell someone about abuse, only for that person to go spread it around with their own narrative of how it burdens them? Sharing your personal information and your trans status is also invasion of privacy and a breach of trust, that's awful anon.

I hope your cousin and you are a support to each other, and can offer some solace and emotional peace to each other, because it sounds like the world is not treating you with love you deserve.

What the aunt is doing to you is not okay, manipulating a person sick with ptsd is absolutely disgusting, lowest trash behaviour. Victim shaming and blaming them, also, garbage and trash behaviour, gross. Nobody should ever be doing that to you, for as long as you're alive.

I understand you can't immediately go and need some time to gather yourself, to make sense of your situation, and to find some stability within, and that's normal and okay. I wish you'd be treated better, because this toxic treatment can make the trauma worse, or prolong it and normalize it since you still have to suffer abuse, but you're progressing, you're moving forward, and even if it takes time to move, it's okay. I believe in you, and I know you'll go to a place that is safe and fills you with security and warmth.

It's smart to spend time outside! I often did that too when with abusers. It is sad that outside can be draining and doesn't work long term.

I wish I could give you an advice, but all I really can is acknowledge that your situation is bad, that you've done everything right, and that you're right to be disappointed and upset at how badly you're still being treated. Based on where you came from, this might seem like something small, easy to overlook, but it does stir emotions in you and you're able to register it as wrong. That's a great progress to make!

You've escaped from worse than this, and I believe you'll do whatever recovery you can under these conditions, and then when you find a way, get even safer, get a place that makes you feel protected. I wish you the best of luck, if anyone has any other piece of advice for anon, please share it.

#cult abuse #ask #alcoholic caretaker #abusive caretaker #abusive family members #toxic environment #anxiety-filling environment #recovering from abuse #escaping abuse

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retvenkos · 3 years

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alright, Olive, I'm back with a weird question. (but first of all, I hope you're doing good! how awfully rude of me to not start my ask by that) because you're so good at psychoanalyzing people (and I adore your rambling thoughts), I was wondering if you could maybe help me? I've always wondered who my godly parent would be in the PJO universe - it's been the biggest mistery in my life since I was 8. I just haven't found myself in any figure of the Olympus, maybe because I'd be the child of a minor deity? I've thought about Apollo, and I genuinely like it, but idk, maybe I need a more thorough analysis. I've also gotten Iris and Hemera from other people? I just think your piercing mind could see right through me. anyway, this is weird lol, I hope you don't mind me asking this! and don't worry if you can't answer, it's totally fine. 💜

asdfgfddfgfd, when i get my two weeks off for summer break, i should just do placements for inquiring mutuals because honestly it's one of my favorite things,,,

also, before i get into it (because i have some thoughts™), i'm going to plug one quotev quiz that i think is better than the rest when it comes to these matters: this godly parent quiz.

now, clara, i am not nearly as versed in pjo cabin placements as i am in hogwarts houses, but i'm going to give this my best shot:

first, i think i would be remiss not to mention that you are a libra, and libra is associated with themis, (idk really what that means since i'm not into astrology, lol), but themis isn't mentioned as one of the gods with a cabin, so i'm disregarding that. if we are following this logic though, i think that aphrodite is also associated with libra, so perhaps you could fit into that cabin? personally, i don't see it as strongly as i see others, but you do have a hopeless romantic streak, and a strong sense of community, which could sway you in that direction.

as for apollo, i'm going to unpack that for a minute, because it's very interesting that you'd place yourself there, and i'm on the fence with that myself, lol. (this is very stream of consciousness, so let's see where this section takes us)

i definitely see the association with the arts - music and poetry - although in my mind apollo has always been the performer, and less of the creator. i always associated the muses more with the creation stages of music and poetry. like... the muses are the fashion designers and apollo is the model going down the runway. or the muses are the writers and collaborators in the writers room and apollo is the actor or director. so, while i see the association, i think it's a little weak, because you strike me as more of the quiet artist who's behind the scenes, rather than the bard singing in the pub, trying to get coins. but, you know yourself better, so maybe it's a good association.

and after that, what always strikes me about apollo is the volatile contradictions of his personality. i mean, he's associated with the sudden death of children (rightfully so, i mean he slaughtered all of niobe's sons), along with his sister, artemis, but he's also a healer. he's like that "i'm a healer, but..." meme, which is funny as hell but also a little concerning. like, in many stories he is that godly sort of intelligent strength, but also he's really volatile and has quite a temper on him. i don't really think this relates a whole lot to you, because i get the vibes that you are generally mild mannered, but when something pisses you off, you let is really simmer. i feel like you aren't one to fly off the handle - if you do, it's probably been stewing within you for a while, and whoever your anger is directed at really knows that you're upset, and they knowingly pushed you to that place. i feel like you're more of a grudge holder than hot-tempered (but girl, same).

and then, of course, we have apollo's prophecies. now, maybe this is me reading too much into your scientific mind, but i think you are concerned with the future, but also don't think too much of it is predetermined. i feel like you are more of a trailblazer than that, and might just be prone to ignoring or actively working against anything you saw in the stars, asdfghgfsdfggfdsdfggfd

oh, and, apollo just has so many unfortunate romances, and on one hand, i have you quoted that you are more of an eponine than a cosette, but also, no hate to apollo and his tragic affairs, but he's openly mocked eros, and that truly gives off the vibes of working off of one (1) braincell, and you are too good for that, clara.

and just going back to personality, i think you have a lot of flexibility that just doesn't fit with the apollo cabin.

tldr; kinda but no?

now, i'm gonna kinda hop back into possible theories.

one of my gut reactions was the say athena, but after thinking about it, i'm still a little unconvinced. you have the intellect and pride for this cabin, and i feel like you would get roped into helping a lot of heroes like athena, but you also just have a charm to you that athena lacks. part of athena is that she's unapproachable and her pride is excessive. you, again, are too flexible to be athena. she's staunch where you are willing, and i feel like the rigidity of her nature is too constricting for you. it's very similar as to why i didn't place you in ravenclaw.

i also considered nike because of your competitive streak, but this placement kind of takes away from the underdog vibes i get from you. the righteous fury... the glee in the moment... it's definitely there, but i feel like there's a level of unsurety to your psyche that you don't really get with nike.

which leads me to my final analysis, where i think you would do well as a child of tyche.

let me go through this. so, i mentioned your competitive streak with nike, and that is 1000% evident in tyche. tyche is all about luck and fortune, and i feel like competition is a shoe in. children of tyche like to dabble with the unknown or the novel - it makes life interesting. they like to go against another and see where the cards fall, and if lady luck isn't on their side.... well, tonight's just not their night. they have a secure base to fall back on, and that allows them to stretch their wings and fly.

furthermore, with nike, victory is expected and guaranteed. luck is far more fluid and unpredictable - it's harder to pin down. you can have a lot of luck and a lot of things working in your favor, but still, the desired end result isn't set in stone - it's likely to happen, but there's always risk. this risk leaves for an air of quiet self-assuredness that isn't overbearing. there's always uncertainty in the mix, and that leads to less overt confidence. it also adds to the thrill (or the anxiety).

plus, i think that the gap between fortune and certainty (a pitfall of risk) leads to a lot of checks and balances that i really see in you. there's a lot of clear headed logic that gets weighed against ambition and desire, and it makes for a kind of pragmatism that doesn't stomp out dreams, just looks at them realistically.

which means i feel like a lot of people ask you for advice, clara. it also makes you a decision maker for sure. you might falter for a moment, but in the end, you make a choice and you live with it.

also, i have a personal headcanon that children of tyche are really well rounded, which harks back to my gryffindor analysis of you, where i mention that you have many tools in your box. you are able to manipulate many different things, and you can look at them from many angles, and i love that for you.

i also think this is a good placement for you because luck is all about what-ifs. it's about actively manipulating the world around you. like i said when i mentioned apollo's prophecies - i don't think that you do very well with the predetermined. some things, certainly, but one (1) you are too stubborn to believe you can't change things (oh, the contradictions of a gryffindor and child of tyche), and there's also a level of desperation that things won't always be like this. luck can come to anyone in any place. this is definitely tied to your bleeding heart - you care for people who have fallen on hard times, and you can't help but pray that it's only temporary.

oh, and i headcanon that tyche holds grudges sO BAD. she is only outdone by nemesis and hades.

anyway, this was long and it winded, but TLDR; i hereby herald you a child of tyche. you are my lady luck, clara.

#asks #mutuals #lol i need to get a tag like:#olive psychoanalyzes friends #anyway i hope you like this! i feel like i kind of raked apollo through the coals asdfghjhgfdfghjhgfd #but lISTEN you don't get to be one of the big name gods without being messy as hell #but lol now i feel like i need to re- assess my status as a child of hecate because i didn't go this in depth for mYSELF

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