#just the absolute worst most garbage take (from a queer person!) policing the fuck out of queer men and their bodies right out the gate

[yeetlegay]

Not for nothing, the representation of Porsche’s bisexuality means a lot to me as a bi person who didn’t figure out my identity until my early 20s. The journey that he goes through in the first half of the show, from a presumed straight man to a bisexual man in love with another man, is written and acted with so much empathy and grace. Porsche’s feelings about his identity and presentation of self are allowed to be confused, hesitant, and complicated without him being homophobic or misogynistic. The result is a more subtle arc of self-discovery, but such an important one. Porsche may not have deep-rooted internal prejudices but he still exists within oppressive structures that shape all our lives whether we want them to or not. Even though he doesn’t deny or dislike his feelings for Kinn, he does quietly struggle sometimes with the discomfort of being queer in a world that sees queer as “other.”

I think part of why this hits so hard is Apo himself. Now I don’t really follow the actors very closely and I try hard to separate the art from the artist, so I don’t want to place too much weight on this. But I do think Apo really brings a particular level of empathy and nuance to Porsche’s identity that deserves appreciation. Apo has spoken a number of times about how much he struggled with homophobic treatment in the Thai film/TV industry through the course of his career. He was often asked invasive questions about his sexuality, made fun of for the way he dresses and presents himself, and demeaned for being feminine or not masculine enough. It seems to have been a key factor in his decision to leave the industry (and even Thailand) entirely.

To be clear, he’s never made any public statement about his sexuality or gender identity, and it’s no one’s business to presume or ask about how he identifies. The problem was that, regardless of how he actually identified, homophobia had a big impact on him personally and professionally. Homophobia (along with all other forms of hate and violence) doesn’t hurt just queer people—it hurts everyone, because it confines and regulates people’s lives/bodies, and punishes deviations, big and small, from the norm.

Apo has some pretty incredible gender vibes to be honest. Something about his mannerisms, his face, his fashion choices, his presentation, just strikes keen envy in my nonbinary bisexual heart lol. And he brings that nuance into Porsche’s character so beautifully. Porsche gets to be tender as he is tough, someone who cares for his loved ones and shows affection without being demeaned for it. He’s allowed to be this strong, tall, muscular guy without it being prescriptive of his internal feelings and personality and how he presents in his voice and mannerisms. No one (least of all him) is policing his body and gender in the way queer people, particularly queer men, so often deal with. He gets to just be.

The freedom in that, for me at least, feels like a revelation. I feel loved when I watch Porsche, because his journey as a bisexual man isn’t rooted in his own repression or external prejudice. Even when he identified as straight, he didn’t behave or present in a way that was engineered to convey heterosexuality or even masculinity. He was already comfortable in his skin, and figuring out his sexuality was more of an internal journey than one centered on his body and how the world perceives it.

Obviously there’s nothing wrong with identity crises/questions/discoveries that do involve repression or homophobia (mine certainly does, thanks Catholic school 🙃). But I think it’s really neat that Porsche’s arc doesn’t, because it brings up questions that often get buried under the avalanche of homophobic/misogynistic/transphobic shit that unfortunately we so often have to wade through to come to our own queer identities. And that’s why I mentioned Apo’s experience, because I really think that as someone who’s had such a hard time in the industry in the past—precisely because he does step outside rigid gender norms—he really gets how homophobia shapes a person’s understanding of their own body. And consciously or unconsciously, he created in Porsche a character who could be free, for fucking once, of that heavy weight around his neck.

So basically, I hope he knows how much that means to a lot of people, not just me. And I hope that playing Porsche has given him some amount of comfort or healing or validation. He gave homophobia and misogyny a massive middle finger through this character, and I hope that and his continued outspokenness about his experience make everyone think twice before policing people’s gender and bodies.

#kinnporsche #why don’t queue stay #apo nattawin #it also strikes me as especially ironic that one of the early discourse vultures we had to bat away from the fandom was bitching #about Porsche and Kinn not being ‘visibly queer enough’ bc they’re ‘masculine’ and ‘straight-presenting’ and Porsche fucks women #just the absolute worst most garbage take (from a queer person!) policing the fuck out of queer men and their bodies right out the gate #while Porsche to me has a veritable OCEAN worth of nuance #and actively bucks against cishet normative ideas about masculinity and queer men #imagine being that fucking focused on prescribing what queerness SHOULD look like instead of seeing what queerness CAN and DOES look like #anyway I fucking love Porsche I love his bisexuality and I fucking love his gender #and I fucking love Apo for giving him to us

[drivingsideways]

k-drama rec list

Prior to 2020 I’d maybe watched 2 k-dramas in my entire life, but this year I got sucked in, thanks to some great recs, and y’know, *gestures * everything.  

I think I’d held off watching kdramas because my impression of them was limited to romances that I didn’t enjoy at all. But this was the year I discovered the equivalent of “gen fic” kdrama- dramas that had wonderful ensemble casts, strong story lines that weren’t entirely romance focused and also a variety in terms of themes and styles. A big plus was that I found so many of these dramas had women leading the writers’ room, and seeing the effect of that in the story telling. (Notable exceptions: a certain “star” writer who should please stop inflicting her badly written, formulaic crap on the world, yes Kim Eun-Sook, I mean you, and whoever wrote that trashfire Flower of Evil)

So here I am with my own rec list! Caveat- these are mostly not the dramas released in 2020, I’m still playing catch up! :)

Under the cut for length

My Mister/ My Ahjussi  (2018, Written by Park Hae-Young, Directed by Kim Won-Seok, starring Lee Sun-kyun and Lee Ji-eun aka IU) 

This was definitely my absolute favourite of the shows I watched this year across western/ asian media. It’s a story about the thread that binds us all and the ineffability of human connection. It’s also a story that deconstructs ideas of masculinity and honour and shame in a non-western context, but with an extremely compassionate touch.  It’s a story that doesn’t shy away from showing the consequences of material and spiritual poverty; and how one can so easily feed into the other. It’s a love story that isn’t a romance, except that it’s a Romance. It’s about finding salvation in one another and in the kindness of strangers.  It’s about choosing life, and picking yourself up off the floor to take that one last step and then the next and then the next. The one quibble I have with the series is that it could have been better paced, it does get extremely slow after the half way mark. But god, do they land the ending. Both Lee Sun-kyun and IU turn in absolutely heartbreaking performances, and fair warning, be prepared to go through an entire box of tissues watching this series. 

Life  (2018,  written by Lee Soo-yeon  and directed by Hong Jong-chan, starring Lee Dong-wook, Cho Seung-woo, Won Jin-ah, Lee Kyu-hyung, Yoo Jae-myung and Moon So-ri.)

Medical dramas are very much not my thing, and I wouldn’t have taken a chance on it except that @michyeosseo said I should, and she was right! It’s a medical drama in the sense that it’s set in a hospital, but rather than a “case-fic” format, this is actually a sharp commentary on the corporatization of health care, and the business of mixing, well, money and what should be a fundamental human right. Writer Lee Soo-yeon was coming off the global success of Stranger/Secret Forest S1 when this aired, so I understand that expectations were probably sky-high, and people were disappointed when this show didn’t give them the adrenaline rush that they wanted. On the other hand, I thought that this outing was really much more nuanced in terms of the politics and also how the ending doesn’t allow you the luxury of easy-fixes. This show has a great ensemble cast, and while it took me a while to get used to Lee Dong-wook’s woodenness (i ended up calling him mr.cadaver after watching this and was surprised to learn that he’s very popular?), in the end I was quite sold on his version of angry angst-bucket elder-sibling Dr.Ye Jin-woo. His best scenes were with Lee Kyu-hyung who turns in a lovely, achy performance as the paraplegic Dr. Ye Seon-woo who just wants to live a normal life. The love story between the two brothers is actually the emotional backbone of the story, and I think they landed that perfectly. 

My one quibble with writer-nim is that she ended up writing in a forgettable and somewhat (for me at least) uncomfortable romance between the characters played by Won Jin-ah and Cho Seung-Woo. I think part of my uncomfortable-feeling was that I got the strong sense that the writer herself didn’t want to write this romance, it was as if she was being made to shoe-horn it in for Studio Reasons, and she basically grit her teeth and did the worst possible job of it.  I do wish we could have absolutely had the OT3 of my dreams: Moon So-ri/Cho Seung-woo/Yoo Jae-myung like, c’mon TV gods MAKE IT HAPPEN, just...look at them!!!! 

Anyway, that apart, I think this was a very engaging series, and by engaging, I also mean thirst-enabling, see below. 

 Stranger (aka Secret Forest  or Forest of Secrets) S1 & 2 : (2017-, Written by Lee Soo-yeon, directed by 

2017′s smash hit aired a much anticipated second season in 2020, and I managed to catch up just in time to watch that live, so that was thrilling :D . Writer Lee Soo-yeon  mixes up thriller/office comedy/political commentary in an ambitious series. I think S1 is more “exciting” than S2 in terms of the mystery and pacing,  but S2 is far more dense and interesting in terms of political commentary because it takes a long hard look at institutional corruption and in true writer-nim fashion doesn’t prescribe any easy solutions. Anyway, please enjoy public prosecutor Cho Seung-woo and police officer Bae Doona as partners/soulmates kicking ass and taking names in pursuit of Truth, Justice and just a goddamn peaceful meal, along with a stunningly competent ensemble cast. Also yes, Han Yeo Jin is a lesbian, sorry, I don’t make the rules. 

Search: WWW  (2019, Written by Kwon Do-Eun, directed by Jung Ji-hyun & Kwon Young-il, starring  Im Soo-jung, Lee Da-hee, Jeon Hye-jin)

GOD. Where do I start? +1000 for writer Kwon Do-Eun saying “fuck the patriarchy” in the most grandiose way possible, i.e. absolutely refusing to acknowledge that it exists. Yes, this is that power fantasy, and it’s also a fun, slice-of-life  tale about three women navigating their way through work, romance, national politics and everything in between. It’s true that I wasn’t entirely sold on the amount of time spent on the romance, and I really wish they’d actually had a textual wlw romance, though the subtext through the entire series is PRACTICALLY TEXT. But still, it maintains that veneer of plausible deniability and I think queer fans who are sick of that kind of treatment in media have a very valid grouse against the show. On the other hand, personally I felt that the queer-platonic vibe of the show is very wonderful and true to real life, and it was only reinforced by the ending. This is a show written by a woman for women (like me), and it shows. 

Hyena  (2020, Written by Kim Roo-Ri, directed by Jang Tae-yoo & Lee Chang Woo, starring  Kim Hye-soo and Ju Ji-hoon )

Those of you who’ve been watching hit zombie epic Kingdom are probably familiar with Ju Ji-hoon’s brand of sexiness already. I had not watched Kingdom and got hit in the face by Mr.Sexy McSexyPants’ turn as a brash, privileged-by-birth, up and coming lawyer who gets completely runover by the smoking hot and incredibly dangerous fellow lawyer/competitor from the other side of the tracks in the person of Kim Hye-Soo. When I say they set the room on fire, I mean it, ok. Every single scene between these two is an actual bonfire of sexual attraction and emotional hand grenades, and they’re both absolutely riveting to watch. “Flower of Evil” wishes they had what this show has- an actual grown up romance as opposed to a thirteen year old twilight fan’s idea of an adult romance. 

The “lawyer” shenanigans and the “cases” are hit or miss, and I think the occasional comedy fell flat for me. But that’s not why I mainlined like 6 episodes of this series overnight like a coke addict, and that’s not why you’re going to do it either. It’s so RARE, even in these enlightened days to find a female character like Jung Geum-ja: hard as nails, unapologetic about it, and not punished by the narrative for it. The best part for me is that she feels like a woman’s woman, not a man’s idea of what a Strong Female Character should be. Anyways, when I grow up I want to have what Kim Hye-soo has ok?

Other dramas that I watched this year, quickly rated:

The King: Eternal Monarch (3/10 and those 3 points are only for the combined goodness of second leads who deserved better- Jung Eun Chae, Woo Do Hwan and Kim Kyung Nam. Please head over to my AO3 and read my attempts to fix this garbage fire and rescue their characters from canon)

Flower of Evil (-10/100, dont @ me)

Tale of the Nine Tailed (5/10, I think it succeeds at what it set out to do, which is a light hearted, sweet fantasy-romance-melodrama, plus “second lead” Kim Beom will make you cry as the hot mess of a half human/ half fox spirit ALL TEARS character. I think if you’re into kdrama romances as a genre, this is probably a good bet?)

Signal  (7/10,  This was the first full kdrama I watched this year and would definitely recommend. It’s a police procedural with time travel shenanigans and has an engaging plot, good pacing, texture and compelling performances. My one disappointment with it was the way they wrote Kim Hye-soo’s character. As literally the only female character to survive in any way, she was given short shrift, and toward the end it really began to grate on me.)

Six Flying Dragons - (7/10, also would recommend if you’re interested in Korean historicals. It definitely already feels a bit dated in terms of styling and production values, and even scripting and acting choices. But it has a good balance of fantasy and history and political commentary. I was not a fan of Yoo In-Ah’s performance in this series, but it’s not anything that would make you want to nope out of the series. It’s GoT , if GoT was thoughtful about politics and characters and not the misogynist, racist trashfire that it became.)

My Country: The New Age - (3.5/10, and that’s 3 points to Jang Hyuk’s fan and 0.5.points to Woo Do Hwan’s heaving bosom. If you like your historical drama/fantasy with very pretty men, very gay subtext -seriously RIP to show makers who thought they could hetero it but didn’t account for Woo Do Hwan’s Tragic Face- lots of blood and tears and very nonsense plot, this is right up your alley. I probably would have enjoyed it more in other circumstances, I think? But this one just annoyed me too much at the time! 

I have a couple of more dramas to watch on my list, that’ll probably carry me over into 2021, so see ya on the other side! :D

#k-drama #kdrama rec list #2020: A YEAR #i'm a queue for you