#k.e.w.k. overshares

[killemwithkawaii]

Reason I think I got The Tism #193709:

I don't understand dishonesty.

Like, I grasp the concept. I know what a lie is. I am capable of lying I have lied before, and I know other people lie. I know some lies are 'good and polite' and others are 'mean and harmful' (its not always clear which is which though). I understand the motivations behind lying, stealing, scamming, and generally taking advantage of other people for your own gain, but like...

Why? I get lying to spare someones feelings, or for safety, or to not ruin a surprise. I understand stealing if its out of necessity. But, don't maliciously dishonest people who fool others for their own gain (or for 'fun') feel... idk, Bad about doing that...? :/

#k.e.w.k. overshares #neurodivergent problems #anyway im pretty sure i just avoided being scammed ✌️ #(but feel silly bc its OBVIOUS to EVERYONE i ask but i still felt the need to ask them bc I'm never sure 🤡)

[killemwithkawaii]

[CW: Kewk overshares (but it's a good thing!)]

I GOT CALLED BACK TO MY DAY JOB NO MORE STRESSIN I CAN FULLY CONCENTRATE ON CRINGE TODAY YESS!!! 😭🙏🎉🎉🎉🍻

#k.e.w.k. overshares #confession: my broke ass has been unemployed for months bc slow season #(which is why i was getting aggressive with the commission advertisements in the last couple weeks) #But i go back tomorrow so im strictly spending today having fun (which likely means spam on your dashes fair warning) UwU 👌

[killemwithkawaii]

Why didn't anybody tell me that, upon the stroke of midnight on my 30th birthday, I would suddenly be struck with the irresistible compulsion to completely refurnish my bedroom???

#k.e.w.k. overshares #*turns 30* ...MY FURNATURE CAN NO LONGER BE PLASTIC #I CRAVE THE FEEL OF WOOD AND STEEL #(and also scented candles... SO MANY fucking scented candles...) #so yeah if anybody has been wondering where I've been for the last week and a half (?) the answer is: #obsessively refreshing the 'free stuff' page of craigslist #scouring thrift stores and garage sales #and prowling the streets of local neighborhoods in hopes of snatching up spring cleaning freebies #PSA: It is the time of year that rich people yeet perfectly good shit on the street #keep them peepers peeled and GO GET YOU SOME SCRATCH N DENT TREASURES FAM YOU (AND ME) DESERVE IT 👀✨ #I already got a book shelf some little knicknack shelves to go on top of the book shelf two cube shelf things and some shoe racks #for like $25 + cost of gas ✌ UwU 🏆 #and now im off to hunt down a dresser because I am an Adulty Adult Man possessed 🤷‍♂️ #Edit to my own unpublished draft: DRESSER AQUIRED (SHES DIRTY AND COVERED IN STICKERS BUT SHES MINE AND SHES BEAUTIFUL QWQ ✨)

[killemwithkawaii]

......

I wore my Capsule Corp hat on a whim earlier today. I hadn't put it on in months.... fuck QwQ

#k.e.w.k. overshares #tw death #i don't think ive ever talked about dragon ball on here but i am calling for a collective group hug asap #Toriyama gave the world so much #and inspired so many (including myself) to create in return #He'll always be missed but forever remembered because of that #[now if you'll excuse me 😭😭😭🥹😭😭😭🥹😭🤮😭]

[killemwithkawaii]

Emotional hangovers are so fucking stupid.

"Oh, you went out and had an especially good time in a highly stimulating environment for a few hours? Nice going, you just cashed in 3 days worth of dopamine. Get Meh, jackass."

#k.e.w.k. overshares #neurodivergent problems #tw mental illness #“spare dopamine? spare dopamine ma'am?” #cried like a little bitch (/pos) at the Glass Beach show and got handed a setlist for the first time ever #[not pictured: Me up on cloud nine while down on my hands and knees in the pit] #that was thursday and im STILL ankle deep in the dopamine red 📉🤡 #its a pattern that makes me warry about having more than a mildly pleasant time #because i know im gonna pay for it later and have to very carefully plan accordingly #ideally: day of rest/prep ➡️ afternoon of rest/double check prep before Fun Event ➡️✨FUN EVENT✨➡️ 1-3 days of emotional & physical recovery #[So Manageable ✅️ Very sustainable ✅️ Such fulfilling Adulthood ✅️] #thankfully i feel the emergence from my blanket nest cocoon coming but for now im slapping the snooze button a couple more times 🔋📈 #thanks for being patient about ask and dm replies and art updates #(i feel like a jerk but that emotion is self-inflicted #bc you guys are great & know im a barely-functioning Adult that has a Job and also does irl stuff sometimes so thank you ily 🫰🥺)

[killemwithkawaii]

[CW: Kewk overshares]

I think I need a break. After some reflection, I've realized that I've lost sight of the point of all this and have to admit that this blog and participating in fandom has become more of an obligation/ responsibility to others than something I've been doing as a fun hobby for my own enjoyment. Feeling like I 'have to' instead of 'want to' has resulted in a lot of unnecessary guilt and frustration, and has sapped away the joy i got from it originally. So, I'm going to take a step back to work on irl stuff and focus on doing creative things for myself for now. I don't know how long I'll be away, but i will be checking my notifications from time to time and I do fully intend to return when I'm back in the right mindset! Until then, thank you all for your support and understanding, be kind to yourselves, do what sparks joy, and remember that your f/o(s) and your senpai love you very much 🤗💕💕💕

#k.e.w.k. overshares

[killemwithkawaii]

Mitch, look! I think you might like it!

...goddamnit you know what i needed this today thank you Meadow 🍓🐇💖

#k.e.w.k. answers #meadow-chan #k.e.w.k. overshares #low dopamine already had me on the floor and then dysphoria ran up and sucker punched me in the mouth this morning #so thank you for reminding me about cute things that only exist for the sake of being cute (they always spark joy) #...dear god it even has a heart-shaped nose... QwQ 💯👌 #you cant see them but trust me the tears i am crying over this plushie are *clenches fist* SO MANLY YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE 💪💪💪✨

[killemwithkawaii]

Full disclosure: I caught a cold like the moment I announced I was back so bare with me darlings qvq 👍

#k.e.w.k. overshares #i was such a good noodle and got both my shots this year too 😫 no fairrr

[killemwithkawaii]

*procrastinates doing the thing I wanna do by doing something else I've been procrastinating and therefor feel like I'm still procrastinating despite technically being productive(???)*

#k.e.w.k. overshares #spoiler: i washed a sink full of dishes and took a nap instead of answering asks #(but now im making a dumb post to trick my brain into switching gears) #(HA HA TAKE THAT NEURODIVERGENCE 🖕✨️✨️✨️)

[killemwithkawaii]

Extended sad boi hours are OVEEERRRRR 📢📢📢

"GET DEISOLATED, IDIOT."

#k.e.w.k. overshares #tw mental illness #self isolation #“YOU ARE GONNA BE CHRONICALLY ONLINE AND TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT.” #(I'm good y'all- being neurodivergent and adjusting to a new work schedule while also having a uterus just fucking sucks lmao)

[killemwithkawaii]

[CW: Kewk overshares, mental illness, negative self talk]

I feel like I'm constantly in a cycle of feeling ambitious and brimming with creative ideas, planning a bunch of projects at once, making them HUGE and biting off way more than I can chew, feeling rushed and frustrated during the process, being unsatisfied with whatever work I actually manage to do, then crashing, burning, and wallowing in self loathing because i did all that AGAIN when will I LEARN [SCREAMING] 🙃🙃🙃

I had so much I wanted to do during April... it was obviously too much, but it's so hard for me to estimate what I can actually accomplish in a set amount of time until I actually try to do it, and now here I am 😮‍💨 So, I apologize for the lack of posting and ask answers lately. I have a lot if sweet messages in my inbox that I keep spacing on or haven't had the executive function to answer, but I want you to know I really appreciate them and am thankful that y'all take the time to interact with me despite my inconsistency and unresponsiveness. 🥺💖 It's something I'm trying to work on, and hopefully I'll find a good balance one of these days... thanks for sticking around in the mean time 🤗💕💕💕

#k.e.w.k. overshares #tw mental illness #tw negative self talk

[killemwithkawaii]

[CW: K.E.W.K. overshares (but its good!)]

Part of the treatment plan that's been recommended to me is seeing a therapist. I was really hesitant to do it initially because I've never found a therapist I clicked with in the past, I was worried that bringing up all my trauma would do more harm than good, and I'm just generally against sharing my tragic backstory with people who haven't gained enough XP (unless they trigger a special overshare cutscene through specific dialogue routes). 🤷‍♂️

Well, the therapist I was matched with called me this morning to tell me that our meeting tomorrow had to be a video call instead of in-person, and after talking with them for about 2 minutes, I felt WAY more at ease about the whole deal. They sounded around my age, called me my chosen name, were generally real casual in their speech patterns, and my queer-dar went off IMMEDIATELY. I didn't really make the connection before, but now that I think about it, all the therapists I've spoken to in the past have been middle-aged cishet women who were very nice, but couldn't quite fully understand my struggles as a queer person and how it's played huge a role in my development and traumatic experiences. Now I'm actually kind of looking forward to therapy??? Feels weird to say, but in a good way! ^^👍🌈

#k.e.w.k. overshares #tw mental illness #holy shit im not gonna have to use my formal speech filter its gonna make things so much easier 😫👌👌👌

[killemwithkawaii]

Yan san x Yan reader but one of them just has a really big goofy silly temp obsession with the other and starts to slowly find another new toy to "love" while the other tries everything in their power to keep their s/o loving them and then at one point the other just snaps and goes into feminine rage mode(can be applied to sal too because male rage🤢🤢 and everyone needs some feminine rage in the lives) and they maybe kinda lock the other up in the basement of their house and they MIGHT make the other eat their crush without them knowing but idk idk

[CW: No more Mr. Nice Kewk, I am transmasculine and full of rage)

Alright so this ask really rubbed me the wrong way and I will tell you why Anon:

Masculine people have a right to their emotions and to express those emotions without being shamed. Men are allowed to be angry, just as much as they're allowed to be happy or sad. Don't come into my inbox and tell me that an emotion is bad if it's felt/expressed by one gender but good if it's felt/expressed by another. As a transmasculine person who feels a great deal of shame whenever I feel any amount of anger, however justified, because of the stigmas and societal pressures put on masculine people, their emotions and how they should or shouldn't express them, I am not going to stand for it. It's perfectly fine if men being angry and expressing it in unhealthy ways personally makes you uncomfortable (hell, it makes ME uncomfortable), but saying 'all masculine anger is disgusting, but it's okay as long as he's angry in a ✨f e m i n i n e✨ way (whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean)' isn't very feminist of you.

P.S. Rage can be very hot or very scary no matter the gender of the person expressing it, and having a yandere snap, kidnapping your darling and locking them in your basement (then possibly feeding them the flesh of their crush without their knowledge) has no specified gender 🤷‍♂️

#k.e.w.k. answers #tw sexism #tw cannibalism #tw yandere #tw kidnapping #tw delusion #k.e.w.k. overshares #i wrote this rant on the trans day of visibility but had to go to work before i could post it so the transmasc rage carried over to today💅

[killemwithkawaii]

I really have to stop saying 'I'm gonna do so much horny posting on [this day] >:3c' because it jinxes my libido like every fuckin time which makes it impossible to horny post RIP QwQ

#k.e.w.k. overshares #it will inevitably return but its just frustrating in the meantime #bc theres good shit in my inbox and i always love getting spicy asks and i cant do them justice like this just UUUGGGHHHHH

[killemwithkawaii]

I've needed to cut my hair for months and so I am posting about it because if I post about it it is Written and I will Do It because now I Know that You Know that I have been living the Sad Sheepdog life and it must End TODAY.

MITCH CUT YOUR FUCKING HAIR YOU MISS YOUR BANGS DO IT

#k.e.w.k. overshares #??? #tw mental illness #lol executive disfunction hacks #me @ me: IM TELLING ON YOU #my hair is usually cut pretty much like my default s/i but my bangs have now grown to my chin and it makes me big sad (plus i cant see) qwq #FUCKING GO THEY KNOW NOW GO GO GO GO GO ✂️✂️✂️✂️

[killemwithkawaii]

So I guess that was actually like a pre appointment before the actual psych eval but describing my symptoms and having the the doc say '...okay for ADHD treatment...' without me actually saying ADHD was ✨️✨️✨️SO FUCKING VALIDATING✨️✨️✨️ 😭🏆

#tw mental illness #k.e.w.k. overshares #feelin fine feelin valid we're on our way folks uwu 👌👌👌