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ratherashleigh · 5 years

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STUFF I LOVED ABOUT SUPERGIRL 417 -- a list by me

THAT’S RIGHT, A LIST OF STUFF I LOVED. BENCHES, MY SHOW IS BACK AND I MISSED IT SO MUCH.

lions and tigers and bears, i mean lena and alex and kara supergirl, OH MY.

this is the show i want to watch for the rest of my life.

jesus i’m crying at how much i needed this episode for lena and kara and my poor poor heart. they did everything right. kara backed off and didn’t force her help onto lena. they remembered lena and alex should damn well be friends by now, and of course alex trusts lena even if she maybe shouldn’t.

okay sidebar. i’m seriously torn over whether i think lena was wrong to help lex, because it’s been very unclear about whether or not she knew it was even slightly possible that he could end up with powers. everything this season has been blunt object to the face levels of “lena wants to cure cancer!” and the powers thing was a hypothetical discussion over drinks and thanksgiving dinner. but she didn’t know he had broken out of prison, she thought he was technically still in custody. why wasn’t he entitled to her help? disregarding that it was all bullshit, because again, lena didn’t know. this is actually a really pressing issue in relation to the criminal justice system: what level of medical care should prisoners be entitled to access? at worst she’s guilty of being gullible as fuck, but besides that, as far as she knew she was saving the life of a dying man she was legally in contact with, and i’m deeply curious to find out how they plan to play that out given the interviews with katie that were released over the weekend. because if she knew he was going to become superpowered, then, girl, you an idiot. if not, i mean, she’s still an idiot, but for very different reasons.

AND THEN THEY ACTUALLY TALKED, AND YALL I CRIED.

“this is how lex had powers. is that a part of your research, too?”

“this is why i didn’t want to work with you. because every time i think things are getting better with us, you display an inherent distrust of my intentions. what is so wrong about helping humans protect themselves?”

“because someone like lex could get a hold of the technology and use it for evil. which is exactly what happened.”

“you look past all of the good we’ve done and see red whenever you feel vulnerable.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this. this is why it’s so important to me that they clear up whether lena’s actual intention was to give people powers because this is the justification for doing dangerous things. the dangerous thing itself can never be the justification for its own happening.

“lena saved argo with this. she rescued sam. she cured bitie’s cancer and she saved james’ life.”

and then in comes alex to make me feel every ounce of how much i ship the fuck out of agentcorp, right in the middle of a supercorpfest. my multishipping haaaaaaart.

“you’re right.”

lena and alex: SAY WHAT NOW?

“you’re right. if you hadn’t made harun-el, james wouldn’t be alive. you saved him, in a way i couldn’t. i do see red, sometimes. and it’s not an ego thing, or allegiance or anything like that. i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. and since superman left and lex has been free, it feels a lot heavier. if my enemies are strengthened, if i’m weakened in the slightest bit, i could lose and i just can’t. i can’t lose. i’m sorry, lena.”

I JUST. AN HONEST CONVERSATION LAYING OUT EXACTLY WHERE THE TWO OF THEM ARE REALLY, HONESTLY COMING FROM. THAT’S ALL I FUCKING AS FROM FICTION SOMETIMES, AND WHEN I GET IT IDK WHAT TO DO WITH IT OTHER THAN WEEP.

“bygones?” “bygones.”

THIS WAS AN ALLY MCBEAL REFERENCE.

and then lena made a bomb on the fly. i’m scared and aroused.

anyway, i want to watch these three solve crime together every week, the end.

some other stuff that happened, all of which i loved wtf:

alex tenderly touching lena’s face, i mean checking she’s alive, i mean idk what i mean except i’m gay.

“kal left me here to protect earth.” kara, this is the saddest thing you’ve ever said, and you say a lot of really sad things.

“everything lex does now is because i failed.” however, someone really needs to explain the concept of causation to kara.

james my lovely son, i love when you are a cliched idiot and then you show up at your sister’s door and cry and ask for help.

kara setting off the DEO alarm.

“i come offering donuts. and my help.”

hayley taking supergirl’s peace offering donuts.

every second of jesse rath’s face when brainy got his ring back.

j’onn cosplaying as a quidditch player with his nimbus 5000.

i’m sorry i actually had severe whiplash from everything to do with j’onn this episode. that was like watching some completely unknown character and it was jarring as hell.

CARL LUMBLY.

LENA IN THE HOSPITAL.

LENA IS A SOFT RED FLANNEL SHIRT IN A HOSPITAL BED.

LENA’S HOSPITAL BLANKET BEING FLUNG LIKE A CAPE FOR THE SCENE TRANSITION.

LENA SHOWING UP TO SEE LILLIAN DRESSED LIKE THAT.

i can’t. that jacket. those pants. those shoes.

poor bb lena being prone to migraines, why would you tell us this i hate it.

hearts are overrated organs romanticised by poets and simpering women LILLIAN OH MY GOD WHO HURT YOU, WOMAN?

anyway so not to harp on a dead horse, but i really really need them to clarify what exactly lena thought was going to happen with the harun-el. especially because, okay, bear with me. if she didn’t know about the powers, at this point they have in fact manipulated kara and lena into the exact same position as each other: they’re both keeping secrets that aren’t actually bad things to have done, except by virtue of them being kept secret. because lillian isn’t exactly wrong when she suggests lena’s friends will abandon her, but her reasoning is flawed. it’s the secret, not the act. but how can they play that out without it coming into direct conflict with kara’s secret keeping. yall, this is delicious and i love it, and i hope this is where it’s going and not that lena is just a reckless fool who literally didn’t care that she was possibly handing over superpowers to a megalomaniac.

the way alex said “i came to ask for your help, lena.” oh my god my heart.

also, i’m sorry, alex stopped to change into her dumbass catsuit and lena just what exactly? stood outside the bathroom door?

“crazy lex-girlfriend.” kara danvers.

“can never turn down cake-- she’s lying her heart’s as fast as a hummingbird’s.” i... love kara. i love her so much.

and then the way she talked bitsie down from trying to break her knife on kara’s fist. i am made of hearteyes and so was lena.

speaking of karas that i love: “i speak english better than you.” ily katya zorelski.

kelly olsen my love, giving recommendations for professional help and not trying to be the professional help herself SOME GOOD SENSE.

eve’s password being ILoveLex is pretty fucking funny, but lena guessing it is hysterical.

filed under things i didn’t love: kara’s outfit when she showed up to talk to james.

eve’s total inability to make the image inducer work right at the moment she’s on tv is… convenient.

meanwhile, back at prison: LENA IN A VEST AND SKIRT AND LKDHJSKDS.

was lena actually full of shit here? i feel like my ability to read mustache twirling villainy is off lately, so i literally cannot tell if she was playing lillian or not.

AND THEN EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL.

“i have nothing to do with lex luthor.” uh huh, sure you didn’t buddy. this is the most realistic “i’m not a nazi i just want everyone different from me dead” thing this show has managed to insert here.

“oh poo…. enjoy the show.” i want eve to stay forever.

and then katya zorelski murdered a pack of senators, but inconveniently didn’t kill lockwood. annoying.

and then alex and lena were having a very gay slumber party at lena’s and i died.

AND NOW WE HAVE A FOUR WEEK HIATUS BECAUSE WE CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS.

#supergirl spoilers #stuff in a list by me

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garden-of-succulents · 7 years

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So what I said to @iamneversleepingagain was like, "WHOOHOO FUCK YES THOROUGHBRED AU" but what I appear to have meant was, "Thoroughbred stopped being a happy horse story when my own experiences with horses got upsetting and traumatic, so my Thoroughbred AU will not be happy either." Except, maybe it eventually will be? BUT BITTY AND JACK BOTH GET HORSE TRAUMA. And Alicia gets to be a casually profane horse trainer. And there are mentions of animal death.

Eric spent so long dawdling over his phone that he had to hurry through tacking up, and he and Señor Bunny still arrived at the arena late for their lesson. Alicia didn't comment on it.

"Let's warm up at the trot," she said in greeting, eyes crinkling with a smile. "Counterclockwise."

Bun shifted his weight at the last minute as Eric mounted, so it took an extra effort to pull himself over instead of falling off, but he managed it in the end, then took his reins up and got his horse quiet before pressing him into a trot.

It seemed to be going fine; Bun was eager to get moving, felt joyous to be moving out. "Nice and easy, that's it," Alicia called, and Eric was fixing his posture, adjusting his leg position, as they passed an advertising banner that flapped slightly--and Bun shied.

"Hey, hey, hey," Eric coached, reining him back. Bun, prepared to run the second before, dropped down to a walk for a few paces as Eric patted his neck and spoke soothingly. "No need for that, Mr. Bun. We're all okay here. It's not gonna hurt you." He looked over to Alicia, nodded, and nudged Bun back up to a trot.

Eric steeled himself the next time they passed the banner. He would be absolutely calm, absolutely confident; there was nothing to be afraid of. It was going well. And it looked like it would go well for a third time, too, except--

Bun didn't shy, exactly. They were almost past the banner when he snorted and kicked, and Eric found the reins pulled under his hands as his horse tried to break into a canter; when he pulled back, Bun arched his neck and turned sideways, and the fluid horse under Eric turned rigid and jerky; Bun was doing little mini-bucks, dancing a couple steps, then jumping again, working up to a full-out tantrum. Eric tried to respond, calm him down, move him forward, but Bun's head came up and Eric's face almost collided with a rigid, quivering column of neck.

Eric went back to 4-H with his very first pony; as his legs were tensed to bail, he grabbed the pommel with one hand, gripped his rein with the other and pulled out, bending Bun's nose back to his knee and guiding him in a circle. Going around like that, Bun couldn't get enough clearance to jump, and after a few times around, his neck started dropping, his body relaxing under Eric's legs, until Eric could relax the reins and let go of his saddle.

"Eric, drop your hands," Alicia called. "You've got them clutched up by your chest. Relax your seat, and ask him to come over here."

Eric was trembling almost more than Bun was, when they set out for Alicia. He was having a hard time breathing steadily, without crying. He felt like saying--

"Okay, dismount," Alicia said, reaching out to take Bun's reins. "Let's take a break, okay?"

Shakily, Eric kicked his feet out of his stirrups, swung his leg over mechanically, let himself drop. He pressed a hand against Bun's warm shoulder, then followed Alicia as she clipped Bun to one of the leadropes hanging at one side of the ring, gave him a pat, and went to the plastic patio furniture that served as an informal spectators' area.

"He's got some jinkies to work out, hey?" Alicia said with a smile, then sat down. "Hey, it's okay. How are you doing?"

Eric had dropped into his chair like a puppet with its strings cut, then pressed the back of his hand to his forehead. He unclipped his helmet, put it on the table, and moved his hand to his eyes, letting the incipient tears soak up into his glove. "That was, uh... I dunno, I'm just a little nervous. I coulda... I know I should've responded better, I just..."

"Bad feedback loop," Alicia agreed. She put one hand out, level, and then another on top. "He starts out antsy, you respond." The bottom hand replaced the top. "You get antsy, he gets nervous." The former top reclaimed its position. "You get nervous, he gets scared." Eric nodded as her hands started to whirl, fighting for position until they fluttered up over her head. "So let's take a minute to calm down, okay?"

"Yeah," Eric agreed weakly. "Yeah. I know I'm just being stupid."

He bit his lip, rubbing an upper arm with his other hand, and Alicia peeled off one of her gloves. "Here, give me one of your hands." She felt up the back of his hand, then pulled his glove back down and started rubbing it briskly. "Your hands normally cold? They feel cold now?"

"Not--normally," Eric stuttered. "I mean, I guess they're cold now. It's probably the air conditioning."

"You're not diabetic, right?" she asked, waiting for his nod to confirm before she got up and went over to the vending machine that stood next to the office door. Instead of going for her wallet, she unclipped the ring of keys on a carabiner on her belt, used a short stubby one to open up the face of the drink selector, and scrounged some quarters out of a box down below; then she closed the face up, fed the quarters in, and came back with a can of Coke.

"Okay, so," she said, after popping it open and shoving it at him. "What just happened is, your horse got scared. It happens. It's pretty natural. It's what they do." Eric nodded, shooting a glance over at Bun and feeling disloyal for agreeing as his horse placidly chewed on his snaffle. "And maybe it kind of reminds you of times when that hasn't gone well. So what happens then is, this part of your brain, way deep down, that you're not in control of, goes: 'Holy shit! This friggin' animal is gonna murder us! Do or die! We gotta get out of here!'"

A watery smile got onto his face despite Eric's best efforts. None of his trainers in Georgia, not even Katya, would have sworn in English, especially not casually like Alicia did. And yet, he had to interject. "That horse is my best friend," he protested. "Bun wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

"Eric," Alicia said seriously. "I know. He is a really sweet horse. There is not a mean bone in his body. He'd never deliberately do anything to harm you." She paused, then said, "But let's face it, okay? He did hurt you."

Eric could feel his face crumpling, and he raised the Coke to his mouth, trying not to let it pucker up. Trying not to cry.

"Your parents showed me video of that fall. Okay? Not his fault, he didn't mean to hurt you. But you move that hoof an inch over, Eric, and he would've killed you."

"It was my fault," Eric whispered, trying to get his tongue unstuck from his mouth. "We were coming at it from the wrong angle, and I..."

"It happens, okay? It happens to everybody sooner or later. This is a dangerous sport. It's why we wear helmets. You didn't do anything massively wrong, okay? It was just a mistake."

Eric closed his eyes against tears, then nodded. He wiped away his cheeks with his glove again. "Okay."

"And look, it's okay to come back from that and not feel gung-ho about jumping back on the horse, okay? My husband broke his neck once, and he just said, y'know what, I am so angry at that fucking horse I don't wanna deal with it again for a while. He took his compensation money, we went to Fiji for a vacation. My son, he got into a really bad accident, hurt the friend he was riding with and the horse he was on had to be euthanized. He didn't get back on another horse for almost a year. You're not the only one, okay?"

Eric took a deep breath. He took a drink from his Coke. He said, "Okay."

"Okay. Yeah. And it happens. That's normal. And it's normal to feel scared, okay? That's part of the process. Humans and horses, we both evolved to be afraid of shit, okay? It's what kept us alive so far. That's something you gotta understand if you're gonna be a horseperson, y'know?"

She waited for him to nod before she continued. "So. Something happens, and on this subconscious level, there's this alarm going off way back in your head, like, 'We're in danger, pal.' And your horse picks up on that, so now you're both wondering where the sabretooth tiger is hiding, waiting to jump out at you. You're not really thinking about how to work together, how to calm down and do the job. I mean, you're trying, but the worry is way more important and distracting. So that happens." She flipped a hand to the arena. "And what your body is doing is, it's getting ready for fight or flight. Your heart's going faster, you're breathing faster, your blood pressure's up. You've got all this adrenaline all of a sudden. It's like your brain's just decided, 'If we don't survive the next five minutes we're dead, so we might as well use all the energy we've got right now. And then you stop." She smiled sympathetically. "Someone pulls you off your horse and sits you down, and as soon as that really upset energy rush is gone? You're tired and shaking, your hands are cold, there goes your mood. Your body just sucked down a ton of resources in being scared and dealing with it. So." She flicks a finger at the Coke that Eric's obediently drinking. "Get some sugar for energy in you, replenish your electrolytes. After this, you hydrate."

Eric took a minute to give the Coke in his hand a newly appreciative glance. He'd just thought Alicia was being nice.

"Your hands still shaking?" she asked him. After a minute where he couldn't really tell, Eric held his hand out and spread his fingers. They didn't feel rock steady, but they weren't visibly trembling, either. "Feel good enough?"

Eric shrugged. "Guess so."

"Very tough," she said wryly. "So, we're gonna make this a short one today. Okay? Usually when this happens, I'm not gonna sit you down and give you a lecture. One of the things you'n me are gonna work on are, keeping calm and happy, not getting that upset. You'n Bun both. But right now, I think it's better if instead of pushing you too hard, we go out there, do some groundwork, end on a good note, and try again next week. Sound good?"

Eric nodded, took a deep breath, and dragged himself to his feet. He finished the abbreviated lesson. And he kept his face averted as he took Bun back to his stall, past where Alicia's son was mucking out stalls.

He did watch Jack surreptitiously as he untacked his horse. He couldn't really imagine having a regular conversation with Jack, much less So I hear you have a major horse-related trauma. As nice as it would have been to ask, the nice part would have to involve asking anyone except Jack Zimmermann.

"What a good Bun," he whispered instead, when his tack was put away and he was just grooming Bun and feeding him wisps of hay stolen from his haynet. "You're the best horse." He scratched between Bun's ears until he dropped his head, eyes drooping in pleasure, even when Jack scraped his wheelbarrow on the ground and carried it outside. "You're the best friend I could ask for."

#stuff i wrote #horse au #zimbits #omgcp #ALL TRAUMA ALL THE TIME #god i wish my childhood had competent adults who told me what was going on #instead of just leaving me alone with freaked-out horses #sorry for inaccuracies #my parents only ever bought me 3 (three) riding lessons

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