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serenasoutherlyns · 7 months

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passionately, i'd say chapter 3

“I wouldn’t tell that to the next Mr. McCoy,” Adam says. Claire doesn’t think not to look at Jack.

ao3

“I wouldn’t tell that to the next Mr. McCoy,” Adam says. Claire doesn’t think not to look at Jack, sharing a quick look of amusement that makes her heart flutter. If only Adam knew, Claire thinks. Would he fire them? She doesn’t think so, but she does think he might separate them. Then again, he’s always commenting on how good of a team they are. Maybe he would turn a blind eye. He still doesn’t know about Jack’s sexuality, though Claire doesn’t think that he would mind. The glance is over as soon as it begins, but it gets Claire thinking. What had Jack’s ex-husband been like? What had Jack been as a wife? That she couldn’t imagine.

Claire had never been the kind of girl who dreams about her future wedding, of marriage. But now that she’s with someone with whom that was not a possibility… well it makes her think about how she might like it, after all.

It had all started in Jack’s office, late one night as they worked. Well, it started before then, with quick brushes of their hands, charged looks. With Claire catching Jack openly looking at her with desire, with Claire doing the same, daring her. All care that she had for being the latest in a series of assistants had flown out the window about two weeks into working with her, when she had realized the way her thoughts lingered on her boss, the way she distracted her, was strong enough to listen to.

That night, about everything that Jack did had attracted Claire to her. How she took down her hair, how her hands looked holding her fountain pen, how her face scrunched up in concentration. When she looked in her eyes one second too long for Claire to resist, she had said it out loud:

“You can’t keep looking at me like that if you want to keep our relationship strictly professional, Jack.”

“And if I don’t?” Jack had said.

“Then I suggest you kiss me, right now.”

Jack had leaned over the table and done so, softly at first, then urgently, all the energy the two of them had held back from one another coming out all at once.

“Can we leave this for tomorrow?” Claire had said when the kiss broke, her voice shaky with pleasure.

“Yes,” Jack had responded, “let’s get out of here.” And they had. That had been the start, and no energy had been lost yet. It had been a month of after work drinks and dinner dates, a month of sex whenever they got a spare second.

Margot Bell had found out two weeks in when Claire showed up to a Saturday night out positively giddy after an afternoon with Jack.

“The next Mr. McCoy,” Claire says that night in Jack’s apartment. They’re listening to records, eating takeout, and drinking whiskey, like they do at least one night out of the week. “I wonder when you’ll meet him.”

Jack goes along with it, saying “I wonder where,” she says.

“A bar gala,” Claire decides, “he’ll be an age-appropriate defense lawyer. A silver fox.”

“Ooh, am I a silver fox?” says Jack.

“You’re a cougar,” Claire responds, earning her a dirty look. Claire smiles back. “Would you get married again?” she asks, not thinking about the implications of it until it’s out of her mouth. Jack looks taken aback but recovers quickly.

After a bite of noodles, she says, “I was not a great wife, Claire.”

That’s not an answer, Claire thinks, but she’ll engage with it. “To a man,” she says.

“Well there’s not another option, is there.”

“If there was,” Claire says. Jack considers it.

“To the right person, I think so,” she says into her bowl. “But it’s kind of a moot point.”

“Maybe so,” says Claire.

---

It had taken her a surprisingly short amount of time to adjust to being with a woman. Sure, she had kissed women before, even gone a little further. But Jack had been her first time with a woman, her first relationship with one. She had initially surprised herself with her attraction to Jack, had wondered if her intelligence and authority had been what was doing it for her. It hadn’t been, not with how she thinks about Jack’s body, not with how a look from her gets her blushing.

And how she thinks about Jack’s body. Constantly. It keeps her occupied as she goes about her morning routine, at night. It overtakes her mind at work sometimes, she’ll be mid-conversation with Jack and remember eating her out the night before, her moans echoing off the walls, her thighs beside her ears. Or she’ll remember Jack behind her in the shower, her arm wrapped around her body, making her have to lean against the wall for stability.

Sometimes, when she gets that way, she all but makes Jack agree to go home before six so they can fuck. And they do, everywhere in Jack’s apartment, the bed, the floor, the wall in the kitchen. They come close, a couple times, in the office. Jack would put a hand on Claire’s knee and slowly move it higher; Claire would give her fuck me eyes from the couch as she sat at the desk and Jack would be pulling on her coat, telling her they’d have to come in early the next day to finish everything.

As Jack rests next to her one of those evenings, Claire is still not satiated. She kisses Jack’s toned arm, raises herself up to kiss her lips, her neck.

“Oh my God, Claire,” says Jack, raspily and wanting. “You can’t get enough.”

“Of you?” Claire says. “No, I can’t.”

---

“Oh, Sally,” says Jack.

“Yes. Sally. Miss Bell our opposing counsel?” says Claire, knowing damn well Jack knows what she means. Don’t you know me by now she repeats in her head. She knows she has no reason to be jealous, but that doesn’t make it happen. She knows what Sally and Jack were to each other, too, having looked into Jack’s former assistants. Still, she wants to see Jack squirm, which she does.

“She was my assistant,” she says.

“I see,” says Claire.

When they get into the cab back to the office, Claire can’t help but give off cold energy. Sometimes she still gets worried about being the girl who dates the boss, especially being a repeat offender, especially with Jack being one too. Do they have any chance of lasting?

Does Claire want them to?

“Claire, you can talk about it if you want,” Jack says. “We’re going to have to have this conversation at some point or another.”

“Yeah,” says Claire, “at some point or another.”

“Fine,” says Jack. “Leave it on the table, and it’ll stare us down until we give in or it breaks us.”

Claire knows she’s right. “Fine,” she says, “am I just another in a series, for you?” Jack is wounded, Claire can tell. She wishes she hadn’t put it that way.

“No,” is her response. “I hope I haven’t done something to make you feel that way.”

“You haven’t,” says Claire, and she hasn’t, not really. It was assumptions about her history.

“My marriage was a mistake and a failure. Sally and I slept together for a couple months and when she moved to the public defenders’ office she completely ran out of time for me. And Diana… Diana took it very hard.” Jack is making admissions Claire doesn’t expect to hear right now. “These are all very different situations, it’s not like I’m doing the same thing over and over again. It’s almost coincidence, Claire.”

Claire’s not sure she’s able to take that explanation, but she can consider it. And she really, really likes Jack. That much she’s sure of.

“But I’m important to you, right?” She asks, making herself the most vulnerable she’s been with Jack.

“Very,” says Jack. “You’re very important to me.

---

Someone from work was going to find out, eventually. It may as well be Elizabeth Donnelly.

“Elizabeth,” Jack says, her arm bouncing away from Claire. They’re sitting on the grass in front of the river with hot cups of coffee, watching the ducks and geese swim. “How are you?”

“Good,” she says lifting her son into her arms. “We’re just headed to watch the boats.”

“How lovely,” says Claire, “hi bud,” she waves to the little boy.

“Enjoying the afternoon?” Says Elizabeth, knowingly.

“It’s a lovely day,” says Jack.

“So it is,” says Elizabeth. “Nice to see you two.”

---

“Would you get married?” Jack asks her out of the blue one cold night. Claire suddenly empathizes with the panic she had seen on Jack’s face when she asked her that same question.

“To be honest,” she responds, “I have no idea. Not any time soon.” Claire puts down the journal she’s reading, Jack puts down her novel.

“That makes sense,” says Jack. She seems satisfied with Claire’s answer. Without saying anything else, she takes Claire’s hand in hers, pulling her towards her. They kiss slowly, saying everything.

---

“You two sort this out,” says Adam, “I’m going home to my wife.” Jack and Claire have been in a deadlock argument all day, sorting out which person to charge. Claire wants to charge the brother, Jack thinks it’s the father. In the end, it’s Jack’s decision (well, it’s Adam’s decision), but she won’t move forward without Claire’s okay. It’s sweet, and noble of her.

“Claire, are you really, really dead set on charging the brother?”

“Yes, I am,” she replies.

“Then fine,” Jack says, “let’s charge him.”

“We can give the police a little more time before we make an arrest,” says Claire.

“No,” says Jack, “we’re charging the brother.”

She really trusts her judgment. Claire feels respected in a way she never has before. “And if I’m wrong?” she asks.

“Then we drop the charges and charge the father,” Jack says. “It’ll be fine, Claire.”

“Okay,” says Claire, “good.” Jack gives her a kind smile.

“Now let’s get out of here,” says Jack.

As they walk to the elevator, Jack’s soft hand brushes hers, and Claire feels herself relax.

---

“You’ll be fine, Claire,” Jack says. “I ride this thing every day.”

“I don’t,” Claire says, “Those things are death traps.”

“I’m very experienced,” says Jack.

“You didn’t deny that.” Claire crosses her arms.

“I’ll drive around the parking lot, you can try it out first.”

“Fine,” Claire agrees, half to get Jack to stop asking her. Jack beams.

The ride ends up being surprisingly exciting and enjoyable. The bike rumbles and the cars in the garage pass her by, her arms wrapped around Jack make them fit perfectly together.

“Okay,” says Claire. “I’ll do it.”

“See,” says Jack. “It’s not so bad.”

---

Before Claire knows it, they’ve been together for six months.

“This is my longest relationship,” says Claire when she realizes it. Jack is laying on the floor in front of her (amazingly working) fireplace reading that day’s paper.

“Really?” Jack says, Claire can tell before she thinks about it.

“Yeah,” Claire confirms. “None of the whats-his-faces from law school lasted very long, neither did Thayer, and everyone in between hasn’t even gotten further than a few dates.

“Interesting,” said Jack. “How do you feel about that?” She sits up and rolls out her neck, stretches her arms above her head.

Claire shrugs. “Good,” she decides. “It’s nice. I um,” she pauses, considering what she’s about to say. “I love you.” It almost makes her wince, the loud sound of the words themselves.

“I love you too, Claire,” Jack says without a pause.

“And I think you’re great,” Claire continues. “I like you, too.”

“You’re pretty great yourself,” says Jack, standing. She turns the record that has just gone silent to side B. “And I like you.” She walks to Claire and kisses her on the forehead, then the lips. “I love you,” she says for good measure.

---

“You did great,” says Jack when Claire comes back from court. “I’m sorry I could only stay for the first half hour.”

“That’s okay,” says Claire.

“So, your first solo armed robbery,” Jack says. “How does it feel?”

“Good,” says Claire. “As good as it can to prosecute, that is.”

“Right,” says Jack. “I’m glad. The jury is with you, you know.”

“I don’t know,” says Claire. “Juror number three was nodding right along with Melnick.”

“Danielle is convincing,” says Jack. “But I think juror number three just likes to nod. He did it with you, too.”

“Good to know,” says Claire. “You never know though.”

“If you have to be sure, don’t write, said W. S. Merwin,” says Jack, looking up at Claire from the desk.

“Right,” says Claire. “Well I’d like to keep writing.”

---

Danielle catches on quick. She comes up to the two of them at the bar one evening and says, “Congratulations, you two.”

“Hello, Danielle,” says Jack, “it’s good to see you too, please, sit.”

“Can’t a girl be happy for her friends?” she says. hanging her briefcase on the hook under the bar, ordering herself a drink.

“Yes, she can, and I appreciate it,” says Jack with a smile.

“How long?” says Danielle

“About half a year,” says Claire, figuring if Jack will, she will too.

“Wow,” says Danielle, “pretty serious. You’re happy?”

“Very,” says Claire.

“Good,” says Danielle, “good.”

---

They’re dancing in a lesbian bar in Montreal that Jack dragged Claire too. She had wanted to stay in bed all night, but Jack convinced her it was worth it to see some of the city before the weekend ends. They sway to the old pop on the speakers, Claire’s bouncing to the beat, swaying her hips, and from the looks of it, Jack likes what she sees.

“It’s nice to be here,” she says.

“Somewhere where everyone’s gay?” says Claire. She’s comfortable calling herself gay now, whether she’s bisexual or not (she’s not sure anymore, looking back).

“Somewhere nobody knows who we are,” says Jack, coming up to Claire, grabbing her hips and pulling her close. Claire makes a surprised, happy noise.

“Agreed,” says Claire, and kisses Jack hard, like they rarely do in public. “How does bed sound now?” she says.

“Hm,” says Jack, “give me a few more songs?”

“Whatever you like, Jack.” says Claire. “Whatever you like.”

#law & order #jack mccoy #sficx #claire/jack #kincoy #claire kincaid

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serenasoutherlyns · 7 months

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passionately, i'd say

chapter 2 of my woman!jack au. ao3 rewrite of s5e10 house counsel.

“We would’ve been more comfortable in Aruba,” Jack says.

“You prosecutors don’t have the time for frivolous travel like we do. It’s too bad such a great mind is wasted on this office. Third in the class,” Paul volleys right back with a nod to Claire. “But I’ve never lost a case on account of my 2.5, have I. And what do they say, the C students end up kicking the A students in the ass? That’s probably not it, oh well Jackie, I can’t wait to do it anyway.”

“We have Furini on tape,” says Claire. The case is a slam dunk.

“Another A student?” says Paul. He’s smug.

“Law review too,” Claire says, trying not to seem too defensive. “But you don’t have to be to see where this is going.”

Jack leans back a little in her chair and pushes her hair behind her ears, tousling it ever so slightly. Claire likes Jack’s hair a lot. She likes the shine, how soft it is to touch, how it smells like coconut and honey. She does dye it, Jack confirmed one day, looking in the bathroom mirror. She had to get her roots redone. Claire likes her faint crows feet and smile lines, too. She presses play on the cassette. “Mr. Parks is all taken care of, Vin. Bada bing, bada boom.” “Good job, John.” “I think the meaning is obvious,” Jack says.

“Sure it is,” says Paul. “They were talking about Miss America. Look Jackie, I hate to burst your bubble but this case is gonna go the way of all flesh.”

“Because you’re the defense counsel?” Jack says, playfully incredulous.

Paul grins and cocks his head to the side. “Motion to suppress. That tape will never be heard by a jury. Oh, and Anna sends her love. She wants you to come over sometime.”

“Tell her we’ll all go to Aruba this weekend.”

“Sounds wonderful. See you in chambers, Jackie, Miss-”

“Kincaid,” Jack says.

“Miss Kincaid. She seems like a good one,” he says on his way out.

“Jackie?” Claire says when the door closes.

“Yeah, well. Old nicknames die hard.”

“You two seem close,” Claire says, not even trying to hide her annoyance. He wasn’t her typical type. Jack generally has little patience for macho posturing. For dick measuring contests. She does usually win those, however.

“Exes,” she says. “Two years and we never did anything but argue and try to beat each other at pool.”

“Two years,” Claire says. “I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“I didn’t,” Jack says, her voice matter-of-fact. “Ask Carolyn Waters.” Claire thinks she would not have gotten along with 23-year-old Jack. ---

“It’s about the battle, Claire, not the prize,” Jack says.

“You would agree with me if it was anybody else,” is her response. “You’re acting like defending a mob boss is some sort of noble cause.”

“It’s all a part of the game,” she says. Jack can really piss Claire off. Something about Paul Kopell brings out her cynical, egotistical side.

“Last I heard, it was about justice,” Claire says.

“Justice is a story we tell to make ourselves feel better, not something we can reasonably seek. Effective prosecutors should do their best to let it be the byproduct.”

“Of what?” Claire says, knowing that Jack was about to say;

“Of winning, plain, simple, and as often as possible.”

“I’m not in this to score points,” Claire says.

“Well you better change that, Claire, or you’ll never sleep again,” Jack says with that charming, fond, smile. It’s hard to stay mad at her when she looks at her that way. Claire does her best imitation of a frown.

“Adam, we have the tape on Furini. If we’re lucky, he won’t want to spend the rest of his life in prison.”

“Good,” says Adam in that tired but sure tone of his.

---

“I meant what I said, about winning,” Jack says, and takes another sip of scotch.

“Do we really have to talk about work?” Claire responds. She’s had about enough of the case today, and Jack will not let this go. She insists on winning her over.

“What else is there to talk about?” She says, and she has a point. It’s not like they do much else.

“You could ask me about lunch with my mom,” she says after thinking for a second.

“How was lunch with your mother, Claire,” Jack says, mock-interested (because she can guess how it was). She leans into her space Claire leans in too, matching her challenge.

“Awkward and unpleasant,” she says. Claire takes a sip of her pinot noir and rests her her chin on her hand. “She wouldn’t stop going on about my biological clock.” Jack lets out a bright scoff.

“You’ve got some time on that one,” she says.

“I’m in no rush,” Claire says, and brings her bottom lip between her teeth. She touches Jack’s calf with her own. Jack places her hand on her knee.

“I’d hope not,” says Jack. “Cause, I’d be of no help.”

“Thank God.” Jack raises her glass to that.

“Anyway,” she says, “if you get too focused, you’ll drive yourself insane.” Claire goes to respond, to say something pithy, but Jack doesn’t let her. “I’m being serious, Claire.” Claire opens her mouth and closes it. She lowers her head and picks it back up. She puts her hand on the back of her neck.

“I know,” Claire says. “I can feel it happening.”

“So stop,” Jack says. “Don’t beat yourself up if you lose a motion, hell, if you lose a case. Move on, and do your best to win. But if everything is about justice, and you don’t get it, you’ll--”

“Make myself miserable, I know.”

“Good,” says Jack. “You’re getting it.” She touches her shoulder affectionately. Claire sips her wine.

---

“Your friend plays the game by a different set of rules,” Claire says. She’s standing, leaning over the table. She’s been pacing the room, trying to come up with a way to reindict and coming up empty. Paul Kopell is certainly a smart guy. “He and I are not playing the same game anymore, Claire,” Jack says from the couch. She is sitting back, sunk into the leather, her heels are on the floor and her legs are tucked under her. She’s been staring off into the distance for ten minutes, thinking about what, Claire can’t say. This revelation concerns her, she wonders what Jack is about to get into.

“Is that disappointment, or the sound of your ego deflating?”

“It’s contempt,” Jack responds. “He’s reprehensible. First day of law school, ‘What’s the cornerstone of the adversarial process?’” She rises from the couch.

“I don’t need the socratic attitude,” Claire says. Jack walks up close to her, comfortable. The top of her blouse is unbuttoned and Claire’s eyes linger at her collarbone as she tilts her chin up to face her.

“Just answer the question, Claire.”

“Two independent counsel, arguing points of fact and points of law before an impartial judge and jury,” she responds reluctantly.

“Right,” Jack says. “The operative word being ‘independent.’ Paul crossed a line.”

“He didn’t do anything illegal, Jack. He listened to Dasso brag. You heard the tape.” Claire rests her hands on the desk behind her. Jack stands across the room from her with her arms crossed, anger apparent on her face-- she’s even a little red. Her hands are balled into fists.

“He facilitated the operation of a criminal enterprise.” Jack is enraged. That must be why she hadn’t said a word for so long. “How do you think he knew Lempert’s spending habits?”

“Maybe they had cappuccino together,” Claire says. She can’t help the it. Jack is reaching at best but there was no telling her anything when she got like this.

“The juror questionnaires,” Jack says, realizing mid-speech. “How much do you owe, how much do you make. He knew exactly what he was doing in voir dire, he asked the questions that would find him the person most likely to take a bribe. I can’t believe this,” she says.

“I’m not sure I do,” says Claire. Half of her is trying to spare Jack the pain that finding out something like this is true would cause her. “Paul Kopell goes the extra mile, every time. I just didn’t expect him to drive the car into a wall.”

The clerk leads them to it. Claire sees the devastation in Jack’s eyes, the pain of betrayal. It’s heartbreaking. In the cab back to the courthouse, she takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Jack sighs and squeezes back.

---

“Twenty-five years ago, Paul stayed up until 3:00am with me teaching me the rule against perpetuities,” Jack says.

“Smart has nothing to do with honest,” Adam replies. “What are you gonna do?”

“Burn him at the stake,” says Jack. She looks tired.

“Even if we can implicate Kopell, it’s only an E felony.”

“No,” says Jack, determination and rage in her voice. “It’s an A felony. Conspiracy to commit murder. Paul picked Lempert’s name.” Jack is taking things to far, Claire thinks, or she’s going to. She thinks about asking her, if this were any other attorney, would she do something like this?

She thinks better of it, but tries to sway her anyway. “You don’t think he knew they were going to kill Lempert?”

“It doesn’t matter. He set the chain of events in motion. Do you want to convict Dasso?” Claire and Adam nod. “Paul can give him to us.”

---

“You son of a bitch,” says who must be Paul’s wife.

“Anna, calm down. You could’ve called, Jack, you have my number,” Paul says, bursting with anger, spitting the words out.

“I’m sorry, it fell out of my rolodex,” says Jack. The room feels like it’s going to light on fire.

“Are you happy, Jackie?” Paul says bitterly.

“Happy yes, I’m so happy to discover one of my closest friends is a felon.”

Paul actually laughs. “Even if Dasso bribed the clerk, what the hell has that got to do with me?”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid, Paul.”

Anna looks Claire straight in the eyes as if to say how could you. “This is really getting your juices going, isn’t it,” she says.

“Anna, if you can’t let me proceed, you’d better step outside.” Paul gestures to Claire. Jack makes a stop motion to her, and though she wasn’t going to leave anyway, she appreciates the show of respect.

“Paul, you can put an end to this, right now,” says Jack. “Give us Dasso.”

“Give you Dasso, who the hell do you think I am? You know what, Jackie, you can’t even carry my briefcase, you never could.” Jack shows how hurt she is: her eyes dart to the side, where Claire is standing. She can see Jack starting to lose her composure, like she’s going to cry, or like she’s going to hit Kopell. “I’m gonna get this bullshit charge dismissed and then write you a civil suit that will have your great-grandchildren answering motions.”

Paul storms out and Anna is close behind him. When the door closes, Jack sinks into the couch. Claire sees one tear roll down her cheek. She goes to take her hand, but Jack pulls it away.

“I’m going to go get a cup of coffee,” Claire says. “Want anything?”

“I’m good,” Jack says. She looks out the window.”

---

“I don’t need your sarcasm right now, Claire,” Jack says as they walk back to the office. It’s fair. Claire could stand to be a little kinder.

“Look, Jack,” Claire says as she takes her arm. “Don’t you think this is getting out of hand?” Jack stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk and turns to face her.

“Do you want to convict Dasso?” Jack asks.

“Of course I do.”

“Well I’m fresh out of ideas,” she says. “This is the only way I can see of doing it.”

Claire looks at her and sighs. Jack is right. Her argument against Kopell is sound. But she hates seeing Jack so distraught, so hurt. They haven’t had a moment to themselves since the arrest.

“Alright,” Claire says, takes Jack’s arm again, and walks them down the street.

---

“He’s a murderer,” Paul says. “He’s my client. I don’t judge him. I defend him. It’s what I do.”

“You don’t have to climb into bed with him,” says Jack. “That’s where you’re wrong. I have to get into his bed. I have to think like him. I have to attend his grandchildren’s christenings, I have to eat his mother’s cooking. It’s the only way I can defend him with any kind of passion. How can you not see that, Jackie?”

Claire can see Jack start to bristle at the nickname where she hadn’t before. It was like watching two angry dogs bark at each other.

“That’s your only agenda?” Jack says, disbelieving.

“Hell no,” says Paul. “I do it because I like it. I do it because it’s fun. I climbed macho mountain and it feels damn good.” Jack grips the table tightly. Claire is disgusted. Jack must be too. He really isn’t Jack’s type, after all.

“We’re offering you a way out,” Claire says. Paul looks at her like she’s nothing. Jack bites her cheek.

“Maybe you should hear him out, Paul,” Anna says.

“Absolutely not,” Paul says, stretching the first word out to five syllables. “Don’t you see, Anna? He called this meeting, that means his case is weak. This is a game of chicken. And you just blinked. See you at trial.”

---

They convict him.

The foreperson stands and delivers a “guilty” verdict. There is no celebration, no after-work drinks, no congratulation from Adam. Nobody is happy.

“That sounded like more than a game,” Claire says as the elevator door opens.

“You better take the next elevator,” Jack says. “I wouldn’t be very good company.”

#law & order #jack mccoy #sficx #claire/jack #kincoy #claire kincaid

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