#knowing how to defend yourself in a pinch with little resources is quite literally a requirement to becoming a fucking soldier

[coockie8]

wait there are actually people out there who think roy would be completely 100% useless in a fight without his alchemy???????

I cannot even begin to express how much I desperately hope any and all posts I've seen that even remotely imply this are joking, because, unfortunately, yeah, some people do genuinely seem to believe that, and it drives me insane.

#fullmetal alchemist #Roy Mustang #I'm sure it's like 80% because the shows/manga play up the ''useless in the rain'' jokes way too much #and I don't think we ever see him actually fight without his alchemy #but regardless of all that I still think it's fucking obvious that the trained military Colonel would know hand-to-hand combat #he just clearly doesn't favour it #I'm not saying he'd be fucking *amazing* at it #he obviously favours his alchemy for a reason #I'm saying claiming he wouldn't know how (which is what you're saying when you claim he'd be useless without his alchemy) is insane #knowing how to defend yourself in a pinch with little resources is quite literally a requirement to becoming a fucking soldier #you'd be piss poor at your fucking job if you caved the second you got unarmed :/

[adlunametadastra]

What is Sexy?

Earlier this morning, I was having somewhat of a conversation with someone whom I enjoy talking to. The topic of “sexy” was presented, as in he referred to me as being such. I rebuffed that notion on the grounds that, well, as I told him, what I see as sexy in my mind is most likely very different from both his and the overall conventional ideal. Let me explain.

To Me...Sexy is Femininity. 

Femininity, to me, is a state of mind in which a female who identifies as such thoroughly and genuinely enjoys being a female. They enjoy being feminine. They enjoy engaging in feminine type activities such as primping (hair, makeup, skin, mani/pedi, etc.), dressing to suit their body type, and overall just being a woman, sexual power and all.

While I do in fact identify with my sex, female from birth, I...have ZERO of these things!! For one, wearing “sexy” clothing will trigger a panic attack. It always has. Second, I have zero patience for primping beyond basic hygiene and maintenance such as putting on deodorant, brushing my teeth/washing my face, and otherwise making sure that I look human before I leave the house. 

Sexy...is a State of Mind.

It is in fact a state of mind, however one identifies, that spurs the confidence and belief in one’s sex appeal/physical attractiveness. For instance, if you have self confidence, you want to treat yourself well, from working out regularly, eating right, and dressing well. You want the world to see you how you see yourself. Me? While I 100% focus on eating right and being active regularly...I have the ability to dress well, but not the motivation. And yes, I need to be motivated by some external factor. Otherwise, I can leave my domicile in footie pajamas, a cap, and a jacket and not give ONE SINGLE FUCK about what anyone thinks about it, or me. 

In other words, my state of mind doesn’t align with the notion of a handsome man (such as the one I was talking to this morning) thinking of and seeing me as...sexy. It befuddles and bewilders me with more often than not provoking a response of incredulity. Put simply, I never have, I still don’t, and likely never will believe a man telling me that he thinks I am “sexy” when I have never seen myself that way and still don’t to this very day. It’s not meant to be deprecating, but rather bluntly honest. I just don’t, and won’t ever, see myself as sexy.

Sexy is...Knowing Your Sexual Self.

Well I mean, this is self explanatory. I turned another year old today and, in the back of my mind there’s an ongoing list consistently reading off a list of “never have I evers”, from kissing, to holding hands, to sex (and all manners/variants of it), to receiving flowers/gifts, to even being told that I’m beautiful...which is another point.

I FIND ABSOLUTELY NO VALUE IN BEING TOLD THAT I AM “SEXY”. I have no real connection to this concept so therefore, this means absolutely nothing to me. Not one thing. Sexy is...a person enjoying who they are, wholly, and to the fullest, and in a way that is attracting to their intended audience, as it were. Maybe this can be blamed on my conditioning growing up, because I was never ever told, not even by my own parents, that I was beautiful. It was always “wise”, “smart”, “timid”, “stubborn”, “difficult”, “crazy” (I refused to do what I was told. Ever.), and otherwise treated as if beauty, even if not in the conventional sense, wasn’t something that would ever be applicable to me. Add on to the fact that I was always (and I do mean ALWAYS) the ugly fat dorky friend whom boys would use to get to my prettier friends, and yeah, this slowly but surely helped shape my psyche into something that just didn’t, and wouldn’t ever, believe that I could or would be seen as sexy, desirable, pretty, beautiful, hell even a human being that exists on the same plane as others, unless it was for the purposes of a joke or, as previously mentioned, tricked into feeling like i was just so they could get to my friends. 

Now...onto What is Sexy to Me.

I grew up watching martial arts movies and action/adventure movies that honestly influenced the archaeologist that I am today. From Double Impact, Kickboxer, and Lionheart (all starring Jean-Claude Van Damme), to Indiana Jones movies and The Mummy series with Brendan Fraser, I wanted to travel the world, be able to kick some serious ass, do what Indy did/does and get paid for it just like he did, but with my own little twist.

Then...the show Xena: Warrior Princess entered into my life, and suddenly, my views on what is sexy evolved.

Now, I had this naturally 5′11 Woman, who had raven dark hair, pale blue eyes, a real woman’s body (including thighs that touch), and there she was, kicking ass. Xena mastered every weapon that men knew how to use, from her fists, to the Bo staff (seen here), to the sword, and her whip, but she also had weapons of her own distinction, such as her chakram, her “pinch”, and...her womanly appearance and beauty which were often played to her advantage. In my fragile state, here was this tv icon who showed me that women who were smart, clever, cunning, resourceful, strong (physically and mentally), capable, and self sufficient were not only just as good as men, but better. And it was THAT concept that equated, in my mind, to a kind of beauty that couldn’t be replicated in conventionality.

So...What Exactly Makes Me Feel Sexy?

Here I am, in my mid 30s, fully accepting of the notion that primping doesn’t make me feel sexy, but practicing my Bo Staff does. Getting my hair & nails done don’t make me feel sexy (but the process itself triggers my synesthesia which is a good thing overall), but learning how to use a sword does. Taking a martial arts course does. Knowing that I can make my own money, be completely self reliant, defend myself and others, and use my loud and unapologetic voice to speak up and out against shit that doesn’t sit well with me, whether socially, politically, or academically. I find that, despite my size, my ability to do yoga without falling over (lol!), my ability to fix my own toilet, that I can kick down a door, speak 4 languages (aside from English), and much more things (like getting myself out of sticky situations) to be sexy, because it represents PERSONAL POWER. AND I FIND POWER INSANELY AND STUPIDLY SEXY.

The fact remains that, while a lot of women (if not most) will primp, pamper, and otherwise soothe their egos in order to feel sexy and feminine, I would much rather have a long sweaty session of kickboxing or tae kwon do (with my wrists and knuckles wrapped) while listening to Daughtry, Eminem, and Panic! At the Disco. Instead of walking around in satin this, or silk that, I have a pair of plaid flannel pants with the matching top and some slippers because I get cold easily and need to be warm at all times. Feeling powerful and capable makes me feel sexy, not putting on makeup and jewelry and going for a night out on the town. Apologies, but if you handsome bastard happened to be suckered into wanting to date me, it will be your task to consistently make me feel physically, sexually, and emotionally desired. Otherwise, sexiness will never even cross my mind.

While I demand to be surrounded and wooed by men who are conventionally sexy/handsome/well groomed/well dressed/intelligent, et.c, like the one gif’ed here,

He will also have to be good (as in more than understanding) of the fact that I am not conventionally feminine, sexy, or even beautiful. I know about things that others aren’t even aware of, and due to being a synesthete, I literally see hear and feel the world differently than others do, so of course I will never be like other women. 

And that, folks, is quite alright with me.