#like Eddie trying to invite her to meet Chris and she keeps making excuses and putting it off

[sulkybbarnes]

Now my heart is in your hands, please don't give it up

Temporary Love - Ben Platt

Read on Ao3

Buck was having a weird night. The music in the bar throbbed inside his head, the beat residing in his skull and drumming mercilessly against the inside of his forehead. He hadn’t had anything to drink yet, so the headache couldn’t be attributed to alcohol, but they all had a long shift that day and the toll of it was making itself known against Buck’s eyelids. 

Buck had almost refused going out with the team but Eddie had nudged him with a private smile, silently asking if Buck wanted to go, and the latter folded like a cheap suit. It wasn’t often that Eddie wanted to -or could- go out with the rest of them, and Buck couldn’t refuse Eddie anything anyway. Which is how Buck found himself now at a bar he doesn’t want to be at, with a throbbing headache, silently begging the alcohol gods for the bartender to hurry up with the drinks --and trying to thwart the advances of a very attractive woman that Buck was very much uninterested in. It was all a bit much even for him.

“So, what do you do, Buck?” The woman asked after she introduced herself as Lea and waited to hear Buck’s name in return. She had a pretty smile and pretty eyes that were the wrong color for him. His thoughts drifted to Eddie who was sat back at their table.

“I’m a firefighter,” Buck said with a smile he hoped came off as polite rather the pained. He didn’t want to be rude, but he needed out of the conversation before the woman’s advances got any bolder. 

“Oh that’s great! My friend’s brother is a firefighter. I’m here with him tonight,” Lea’s smile widened. “Or I would be, if my friend could just show up already!”

Buck nodded his head, spotting the bartender coming forward with his tray of drinks and thanking whoever was listening out there. “I hope he doesn’t keep you waiting.” 

“Well, maybe it’s not a bad thing if he does,” Lea said, moving slightly closer and laying a hand on his arm. “You can keep me company until he gets here?”

All things considered, she was being respectful of his space, keeping as far back as the crowded area around the bar allowed her, and giving Buck a sweet smile. Buck felt stifled all the same. A few years ago, he would have considered moving closer and smiling back. Now, his head throbbed and he wished for Lea to remover her hand from his arm. He wished he could let her down easy without feeling bad about it. He wished for the comforting weight of Eddie’s shoulder pressed against his.

Buck sighed internally, preparing for the inevitable awkwardness of letting someone down. He tried to move back a step, but found no available space behind him, so he put on an apologetic smile instead and hoped for Lea’s hand to drop of its own accord. “I’m sorry but I’m already here with--”

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie’s voice sang in Buck’s ears as he came up to them. His eyes quickly darted between the two of them, catching on Lea’s hand on Buck’s arm for a moment, before settling on Buck’s face. Eddie’s expression turned complicated.

“Eddie,” Buck felt a real smile flickering to life. 

“You were taking too long. The others got impatient.” Eddie offered, and Buck could have kissed him for interfering before Buck had to come up with a flimsy excuse on why he couldn’t keep Lea company. 

“That’s on me,” Lea chimed in, “I think I kept him.” She said with a look aimed at Buck that made it clear she would like to keep him for far longer. 

Buck gave Eddie a wide-eyed look that any best friend would interpret as please save me. Eddie, because he’s a total jerk, smirked back at him.

“Sorry, I don’t think I introduced myself,” Eddie turned his attention to Lea, but took a step closer to Buck, effectively causing Lea to drop her hand from where it rested against Buck’s arm. Eddie’s polite smile was stuck firmly in place, his voice steady. He was infuriatingly charming even without trying. Buck would hate it if he wasn’t stupidly in love with it. “I’m Eddie, I’m Buck’s-”

“Boyfriend,” Buck volunteered, his face instantly flushing as two sets of eyes turned towards him. 

Eddie, who was decidedly not Buck’s boyfriend, had his eyebrows raised and an expression on his face that battled between amusement and exasperation. It told Buck that Eddie thought he was completely idiotic, but that Eddie liked Buck enough to go with his antics anyway. 

“This is Eddie. My boyfriend. Eddie, this is Lea.” Buck doubled down because he was nothing if not consistent with his impulsiveness. He resolutely ignored the stab of longing he felt at calling Eddie his boyfriend, and plastered on a smile that was only half fake. Relief was coursing through his veins for putting a definite end to whatever conversation was about to happen with Lea.

“Nice meeting you, Eddie,” Lea nodded at them, her smile only slightly disappointed. She seemed like a really nice person. Buck instantly felt bad lying to her, but he’d have felt worse trying to turn her down. “You too, Buck. I think I should go find my friends.”

“Nice meeting you,” Buck smiled back, keeping his tone friendly as Lea turned to leave. Technically none of this was too far off from the truth. Eddie might not be his boyfriend, but Buck would have turned anyone down because of the way his traitorous heart sang whenever Eddie was near.

Buck shifted his focus back to Eddie, finding the same look of exasperation and amusement still fixed in place. Eddie raised his eyebrows in silent question.

“It was faster than figuring out a nice way of telling her I’m not interested,” Buck shrugged, ignoring the way the movement made his head throb. He should have gone home to sleep.

“What’s wrong with you?” Eddie asked, then rolled his eyes at Buck’s wounded expression. “I meant that you look like you’re in pain, Buck.”

“Oh. That.” Buck grimaced, “I have a really bad headache. The music isn’t helping.” Nor the atmosphere, nor the press of strange bodies around them, nor the way Eddie’s expression softened into mild concern. 

“You should have went home to sleep it off, man” Eddie sighed. “Anyway we don’t have to stay long, we can leave after everyone has a couple of drinks.”

Buck started to protest that Eddie didn’t have to leave too for him, but was promptly cut off by Eddie shaking his head and clasping a comforting hand around Buck’s bicep. 

“We came here together.” The glint of amusement in Eddie’s eyes was the only warning Buck got before Eddie intoned, completely deadpan “Let me take you home, lover.”

Buck let out a burst of surprised laughter, then grinned when Eddie joined in.

“Okay, okay, a couple of drinks then we head out,” Buck said through the last remnants of amusement, his headache momentarily forgotten. 

“Sounds good,” Eddie squeezed Buck’s arm once, traces of a smile still in his voice. Buck grinned back as they both started moving towards their table. 

-----

The night wasn’t turning out to be so bad after all. Sat at the table between Hen and Eddie, Buck could let his friends’ conversation wash over him as he slowly sipped at his beer. 

Hen had given him a couple of assessing looks since they sat down, only leaning in once to ask if Buck was doing okay and nodding when he said he was tired. Eddie had provided comfort in the form of his shoulder pressed against Buck’s and their knees knocking together under the table, offering a line of warmth for Buck to lean into.

Across the table, Chimney chatted away with an arm thrown across the back of the empty chair next to him. Maddie had a shift at work tonight, but Albert was supposed to be joining them later. Buck had almost forgotten about that part until Chimney complained about his little brother always being late. The comment tugged at something in Buck’s brain, but he was too tired to examine it, and Eddie was so warm and inviting by his side that Buck had to focus all of his brain power into not leaning in until his head rested on Eddie’s shoulder. It was a painful battle to fight against his sluggish brain and stubborn heart. 

Buck had lost himself in watching everyone else nearly reach the end of their first drink, when he heard a set of new voices approaching the table. He turned to look at the newcomers, only to find Albert, an unidentified blonde girl by his side, and -oh, shit- Lea from the bar. 

Right. Her friend’s brother is a firefighter. Her friend was late. Her friend is Albert. The same Albert who was currently pulling back chairs for himself and the women accompanying him, as he offered introductions around the table.

“And these two are-” Albert pointed towards Buck’s end of the table, finishing up with introductions. 

“Buck and Eddie,” Lea said with a smile that seemed genuine. “We’ve already met!”

“Oh, you have?” Albert asked. 

“Yeah, earlier at the bar.” Lea offered, and Buck almost breathed out a sigh of relief that she left it at that. Except, Lea then continued with a sheepish, “Sorry for trying to hit on your boyfriend, Eddie. I’m terrible at reading signals.”

“Oh, you are definitely the worst at it!” The other girl chimed in, causing herself, Lea, and Albert to laugh before Albert launched into a story about his own failed flirting attempts to soften the blow. 

Meanwhile, Buck was trying to find a safe place to look. His options were Chimney’s bewildered expression fixed on him and Eddie, or Hen's questioning look that was quickly turning into a teasing grin. 

Buck turned to Eddie with another wide-eyed look that communicated save me. 

Eddie looked as if he were trying very hard not to laugh at Buck’s misfortune. He had on the same look he reserved for when Chris got into trouble for something Eddie found hilarious, but had an obligation to disprove of as a parent.

 Eddie’s lips gave him away with an upwards twitch as he shrugged then hid his smile with a sip of his drink. Buck was getting no help from him this time. He’ll have to do the explaining to their friends.

Buck ignored Hen and Chim’s questioning looks for the moment and let his forehead knock against Eddie’s shoulder in defeat. Underneath him, Eddie’s shoulder shook with silent laughter. 

Buck was too sleep deprived for all of this.

-----

“So you told her you had a boyfriend instead of just letting her down easy like any sane adult would?” Hen asked with amusement coloring her tone. They were getting the second set of drinks, but Buck knew it was more of a guise to get him alone and talking. None of them had even finished the first round after Albert and his friends joined them.

“I don’t know, Hen, she seemed nice and I had a headache. Didn’t wanna be accidentally rude to her.” Buck shrugged, the motion once again making his head hurt. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“I’m sure that’s the only reason you did it.” Hen gave him a knowing look, although she was kind enough to not elaborate on what she knew. “And Eddie just went with it?”

“He’s my best friend,” Buck said, as if that explained everything. And maybe it did, because Hen just grinned at him again and nodded. “And any way, it’s too late now. It’d be even more awkward to try and explain the truth.”

“Chim is going to love this. You know you and Eddie are gonna have to pretend to be a couple now or the jig is up right?” Hen said jokingly, then laughed at Buck when he flipped her off. “Nah but seriously, we’ll move the conversation away from it if it comes up. You look like hell, Buckaroo, I don’t want that pretty head of yours exploding with overthinking every word you say tonight.”

“Thanks, Hen,” Buck smiled gratefully. He appreciated her more than he could ever say. He knew that even though antagonizing each other was second nature for them, Hen would have his back whenever he needed her to.

“No worries, Buck,” Hen grinned. “Now let’s get back before that boyfriend of yours starts getting worried.” 

Buck groaned as Hen laughed at him some more.

-----

Hen kept to her word and steered the conversation clear of any relationship status related talk, but that didn’t stop it from coming up naturally anyway about forty minutes into their second set of drinks.

The conversation had turned to Chim and Maddie, after Albert exclaimed his excitement about becoming an uncle and then volunteered that his brother was dating Buck’s sister. 

“Buck and I will be the most fun uncles in the world! Right, Buckley?” Albert boasted with an infectious grin. He raised his hand for a high five that Buck returned with enthusiasm.

“You know it!” Buck said with an infectious grin of his own. His headache had quietened down to a mild throbbing that he could mostly ignore. 

“Wow, your team must feel like a family,” Lea gestured between them, “With Chimney having a baby with Buck’s sister, and the two of you dating.” 

“The 118 has always been a family, even before any of that.” Buck replied vaguely but honestly. Hen, Chim, and Bobby had been his family from day one, and Eddie had his back regardless of the nature of their relationship. 

“That’s true,” Chim agreed with a smile. Hen had somehow managed to brief him on her conversation with Buck -probably by texting him- and he was playing along, despite his visible amusement. Buck knew that he and Hen will rip him for it later, when he looked less dead on his feet. “We’re always in each other’s pockets. Our Captain is married to one of Hen’s closest friends, and Hen and her wife sometimes watch Eddie’s kid. They’ve also already volunteered their time to help with our newborn. As did the Buckley-Diazes over there.”

That last part was aimed at Buck and Eddie with a wink, eliciting a low snort from Hen. So they weren’t escaping fully unscathed tonight. Buck gave Chimney a weak glare.

“Just the Diazes, Chim. We’re not hyphenating,” Eddie replied as he laced his fingers through Buck’s on top of the table, serving the purpose of causing Chim to splutter on the sip of beer he just took. People really didn’t give Eddie enough credit for his subtle sense of humor. 

“Yeah, Chim, stop making assumptions! Buckley-Diaz is a mouthful.” Buck played along, squeezing Eddie’s fingers once and delighting in the way Chim narrowed his eyes at both of them. He also pointedly ignored the way this conversation and the feel of Eddie’s hand tugged at his heart. Eddie quirked a small smile at him. 

“Whatever, man, as long as you two are babysitting you can call yourselves whatever you want,” Chim recovered easily.

“You know, I had a strong feeling you two were together, but no one ever said anything so I thought it’d be rude to ask,” Albert chimed in, completely unaware of the way Chim’s eyes widened comically or the way Buck’s heart jumped at his words. “It’s just the way you two are around each other and Chris, you know? Must be nice having that kind of bond.”

And oh, right. No one had thought to let Albert in on what was happening. Buck thought faintly that that was going to be a far more awkward conversation to have than if he had just let Lea down gently. 

Well. Fuck.

Eddie, as if sensing Buck’s distress, pressed his shoulder firmly against Buck’s to offer silent comfort.

“Well, Buck has been a real blessing for us. Most days I have to fight him for my son’s attention,” Eddie replied without missing a beat, squeezing Buck’s hand. He was always so calm and steady where Buck floundered. Always capable of balancing a situation. “And it helps having someone there to pull off the good-cop, bad-cop routine about having desserts for dinner.” 

“Not that we need to do it that often,” Buck interjected without thinking, “Chris is an angel.”

“Chris also has Buck wrapped around his little finger.” Eddie’s smile was a soft thing, causing the moment to warmly envelope the two of them. His warm brown eyes held Buck’s until he forgot that there was ever anyone else sat at the table.

“That’s something for you and Maddie to look forward to, Chim. Good luck controlling your kid’s sugar intake with these two around.” Eddie finished, gesturing between Buck and Albert, and effectively snapping Buck out of whatever haze he had sunk in. 

Across from Buck, the new trio smiled widely at whatever laughing answer Chim gave. Buck felt a new type of exhaustion bleeding over him.

“You okay, Buck?” Hen nudged him with understanding itched onto her feature. Buck hated how obvious he must be for her to wear that expression.

“All good, Hen. Just need to sleep it off.” Buck couldn’t hear her response over the loud thudding in his ears.

Nestled on the table between the two of them, Eddie’s fingers were still interlaced with his.

-----

Buck and Eddie had finally managed to say their goodbyes to everyone a little while later and make their exit. Buck’s headache had come back in full force towards the end of the night, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep it off. He mused that Hen might have been on-to something with her comment about overthinking, then quickly derailed that train of thought. 

Nothing good would come out of dwelling on the events of tonight.

Buck made an impulsive choice that turned into a funny situation. Eddie went along with it because he was being a good friend as he always is. Nothing to any of it. 

Buck reasoned that it also meant nothing that they spent the better part of the night holding hands or leaning into each other, since it was all for show.

Upon arriving to Eddie’s house, Buck said hello to Carla for the second time that night then made his way to the kitchen. With a glass of water acquired, he allowed himself to walk back into the living room where he collapsed on the sofa with a groan. His car was still in Eddie’s driveway from when he had dropped it off there earlier, so that he and Eddie could share a cab at the end of the night. 

He and Eddie had stopped by to see Chris off to bed before they went to the bar, their shift having ended just before his bedtime. Buck promised Chris that he will see him again the following day since both he and Eddie were off, and he intended on keeping that promise.

He hadn’t really planned on drinking tonight, so he already regretted the two beers he ended up having. They couldn’t have possibly done his headache any favors. The idea of driving back to his place in his current state physically pained him, and so he found himself leaning back on the couch with an arm thrown over his eyes. He was aware of Eddie and Carla conversing in the background, but he must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew was Eddie gently shaking him awake.

“Buck, it won’t help your headache if you sleep sitting up. Trust me.” Eddie said as Buck blinked awake.

“Shit. Sorry, was gonna grab some water then leave,” Buck ran a hand down his face. “Guess I dozed off.”

“You’re not going anywhere.” Eddie shook his head. “You’re dead on your feet, and you were drinking earlier.”

“I only had two beers,” Buck argued weakly, but Eddie’s unimpressed glare shut him up. 

It wasn’t often that Buck slept over at Eddie’s, but when he did it was on nights like this one where he was too tired to drive back or had had something to drink.

“Alright,” Buck agreed with a sheepish look, “Just get me some pillows and I’m all set.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Eddie shook his head. “Come on. We can share the bed.”

Buck was too tired to argue or even think much of it, so he allowed Eddie to pull him up by the hand then followed him silently to his room. The fact that the world swayed as Buck moved told him that staying the night was the right decision. 

Once changed and in bed, sleep was quickly weighing Buck down. He wasn’t aware of much but Eddie made him take some aspirin and drink more water before he lost the battle against his eyelids. 

Buck murmured a thank you, and was asleep before he could hear Eddie’s response. In his dreams, kind brown eyes smiled at him and a warm body offered a line of warmth against his side. 

------

Buck woke up way earlier than he wanted to on a day off. A glance at his phone told him it was only four in the morning.

His headache was completely gone, replaced by swirling thoughts and the remnants of sleep.

By his side, Eddie was asleep close enough for Buck to feel heat radiating off of his body even though they weren’t touching. Buck let out an inaudible sigh as he felt the last dredges of sleepiness escaping him. In its wake Buck was left with images from last night and some wild hope pocking at his heart.

To distract from the latter, Buck started thinking about awkwardly explaining things to Albert once he saw him again, but that plan backfired when echoes of Albert saying I had a strong feeling you two were together sounded in Buck’s mind. On the heels of that came Hen’s knowing look, the ease with which Eddie assumed his role as Buck’s “boyfriend”, and how it wasn’t that different from how he acted as Buck’s best friend. And to top it all off, waking up in Eddie’s bed, at Eddie’s home, made Buck’s heart ache in an entirely new way. Eddie by his side, close and warm. The house around them a painful reminder of Eddie and Chris and the place they held in Buck’s heart. It was the type of pain Buck was willing to take if it meant not ruining what they had.

Buck sighed softly, unable to hold it in this time. Next to him, Eddie shifted until he was on his side facing Buck. 

“It’s way too early for you to be thinking this hard,” Eddie mumbled, his voice soft enough as to not break the quiet around them. Buck’s heart jumped despite the gentle tone.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Buck whispered back. He was looking at Eddie and marveling at how beautiful he looked rumbled and with sleep-heavy eyes. Like this Eddie seemed closer than ever before, so within reach if only Buck would breach the few inches between them and touch him.

“Sure, I could hear you thinking,” Eddie joked, and then pressed a smile into his pillow when Buck pocked him in the side. There was little light to see by, but the glow of the streetlamps outside were enough for Buck to make out Eddie’s face and his amused expression. “Want to talk about it?”

“You’re half asleep.” Buck argued weakly.

“I’m a dad and ex-military,” Eddie said with a smile lingering in his voice, “Trust me, I’m awake. What’s up, buddy?”

“I’ve been thinking about last night,” Buck started, glancing at Eddie to make sure he was still awake. “About why I turned down Albert’s friend?”

The last part ticked up into a question without Buck’s permission. Eddie nodded for him to keep going, and then when Buck said nothing, “Why did you turn her down?”

“Why did you play along?” Buck asked in return. It wasn’t what he intended on saying, but it came out all the same.

“Because you’re my best friend.” Eddie answered steadily, his voice low but clear, “Because you looked like you’d rather be anywhere than there with her hand on you. Because I knew we can easily sell being a couple, and there are far worse things than spending a night being your boyfriend.”

Eddie brought a hand up to rub at his face in what looked like frustration. Maybe that last part wasn’t meant for Buck’s ears. So much for Eddie’s Dad Superpowers. Buck’s lips twitched into a smile.

“Yeah, I didn’t mind being your boyfriend much either.”

“High praise.” Eddie breathed out on a laugh. He reached out and tugged at Buck’s arm until Buck was on his side too, facing Eddie. “Why did you turn her down, Buck?”

Buck thought about where he wanted to start. A more reasonable person might opt out of having a talk like this here and now, when Buck was in Eddie’s bed with no non-embarrassing way out if their talk went badly. But the thing was that Buck trusted Eddie with his life and his heart, and he trusted him to be kind no matter what he thought of what Buck was about to say, and any awkwardness caused by the situation would be something they can laugh about later. Probably, much later, but still. 

If anything, the darkness around them, the way the air held its breath so nothing but their voices remained, the comforting presence of Eddie in every inch of this room --it all made Buck want to spill his heart out right here and now. So, Buck did what he does best. He took the jump, and trusted Eddie to have his back.

“She wasn’t what I wanted,” Buck answered. His fingers toyed with the light blanket thrown over him and Eddie. “Or, well, she wasn’t who I wanted. I think that’s been the problem with everyone I’ve dated or turned down over the past-” two years, “few months. That I keep comparing them to the person I do want, and no one measures up, Eddie.”

Eddie’s hand gave an encouraging squeeze where it held Buck’s arm. A comforting weight that kept him grounded. Keep going, it said to him.

“You said you knew it’d be easy for us to sell being a couple. Why did you say that?” Buck’s eyes reached for Eddie in the dark, trying to make out the look Eddie wore. Warmth seeped into Buck’s skin where Eddie slowly moved his thumb soothingly.

“We spend all of our time together, and I still want to see you and talk to you when you’re not around. You’re the person I trust the most in the world with my son. The person I make space for, wherever I am.” Eddie’s quiet voice did nothing to slow down the rapid dance of Buck’s heart. “You heard what Albert said. What he thought. We’re already doing it, Buck. Most of it. All the important parts.” 

The last part was a plea for Buck to understand, and he finally did all at once. Here he was thinking he’d be taking a jump alone, when Eddie planned to join him all along. 

“We’re doing it all. Just. Not the more fun parts,” Eddie added in a weak attempt at humor. His voice shook a little. The first real sign of his nerves.

“Should get right on that,” Buck’s heart ached with longing and happiness. He extended a hand to brush it against Eddie’s jaw, and smiled when Eddie’s eyes fluttered closed. “I turned her down because she wasn’t you. No one could ever come close to you. You’re my best friend and I’m so grateful for that. For you taking me in and trusting me with Chris, and if that’s all you’re willing to give then I’ll take it.” Buck couldn’t stop now that he started. His thumb brushed against Eddie’s stubbled jaw, and Eddie didn’t stop him. “But I want more, Eddie. I want this,” Buck gestured between them, “and everything else too. I don’t want to have to pretend to be your boyfriend. I want it to be real.”

Eddie moved swiftly, pushing Buck to lay on his back and hovering above him, only a breath separating their faces. This close, he was painted in light and shadow, expression half hidden but his warmth unmistakable above Buck. His warm eyes caught Buck’s and held for a moment.

“I want it to be real too,” Eddie breathed against Buck’s lips, then kissed him without waiting for a response. And Buck kissed him back. Of course he did.

He thought that he could stay here in this bed and kiss Eddie forever. If Buck felt comforted by the press of Eddie’s shoulder to his before, it was nothing compared to Eddie’s weight above him, his fingers running through Buck’s hair, his lips mapping Buck’s face and capturing his lips again and again and again.

Buck was half afraid he would wake up soon to find out this was all a cruel dream.

Against his lips, Eddie laughed. “Not a dream, Buck.” 

“Didn’t mean to say that out loud.” Buck pouted, and got another kiss for his trouble followed by more laughter from Eddie. “No laughing at me. I don’t like you anymore.”

“Of course you do,” Eddie smirked, but the expression quickly dissolved into amused fondness. “You think I’m dreamy.”

Buck groaned out a protest then yawned. He pulled Eddie closer to hide his face in Eddie’s neck when his yawn elicited more laughter. 

“We should sleep, we’ll only get a few more hours of it before Chris is up demanding breakfast.” Eddie murmured, planting a kiss to Buck’s temple. “We can talk more about this in the morning, okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” Buck murmured, already being lulled to sleep by the cadence of Eddie’s voice and the warmth of Eddie surrounding him. “But, just so you know, you’re mine now. No take backs.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, bud.” Eddie pressed a small smile into Buck’s skin.

Buck fell back asleep with Eddie curled against his chest, and Eddie’s hand soothingly running up and down his arm. The weight of it safe and welcome.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fox #terryjeffordss #dimshums #the fake dating fic that no one asked for #my stuff