#like what if someone’s bias doesn’t get a smut scene and then they’re sad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gyeomork · 5 years

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(mark tuan x reader)

genre: fluff, smut, angst, soulmate! au

warnings: sexual content, cursing

word count: 6k

a/n: i got sooooo carried away with this one but the way mark was really looking tasty in the concert i just- anyway his new tattoo ugh i guess that kinda inspired me. mark is my second bias so i really had fun with this. i wrote actual smut this time so sorry/ you’re welcome (depending on what you like or dislike). anywHo i’ll go. enjoy ^3^

ever since we were children, mark and i were very close because of our parents. our moms were there for each other all through high school and college and marriage and labor. so i guess mark and i were kind of bound to become best friends. and we did. and all through middle school we kept trying to find each other’s soulmates. we were obsessed with the tattoos on our wrists; mark has a small heart and i have a rose. everyone was born with some sort of item on their wrist and according to my parents, when they turn 20 the tattoo will glow when they’re near their soulmate. when we entered high school, we decided to give it a rest and that we’ll find them when the time is right. up until high school, mark and i stayed below the radar; only hanging out with each other and not talking to anyone else really. but once high school hit we made two different friend groups. we didn’t drift apart, we still hung out but not as much as before. then mark joined the basketball team and it became a whole different story. he barely had any time for me anymore because he was always with ‘the guys’. between freshman and senior year we probably only hung out once a month and that was because our parents wanted to see each other.

during junior year i got a boyfriend and it was the first time i was ever in a relationship, i was willing to do anything to make him happy. we didn’t show each other our tattoos because we wanted to have a relationship without the pressure of being each other’s soulmates on us. we were a month or two in the relationship when he asked me for nudes. i was hesitant at first but i sent him some under the pressure of my so called ‘friends’. the next day at school everyone stared at me with wide eyes as i walked down the hallway. i made it to my boyfriend and asked him what was with everyone today. he said to me ‘maybe you should keep your goodies to yourself and then they’d stop staring’. i soon found out that he took my nudes and posted them all over my social media because i trusted him enough to give him my password. mark runs up to me and embraces me and curses out my now ex-boyfriend. he walks me out of school as everyone was laughing at the scene. he drives me to his house and comforts me with my favorite ice cream and cheesy rom-coms for the rest of the day. that was the closest i felt to him in the past 3 years.

we started hanging out like we used to again and everything was great. until senior year started. he was back to hanging out with ‘the guys’ and me with my group. we still saw each other often enough for me to ask him to come over and watch one of our favorite shows together, ‘stranger things’. but when i asked him he was with ‘the guys’ and i guess he wanted to show off or make himself seem cool. he said to me ‘why would i want to with a whore? if i wanted you to suck my dick it would’ve been done already’. and it was like i felt and heard my heart shatter. i never felt so betrayed in my life. the person i trusted the most, felt the closest to, loved from the bottom of my heart and was best friends with since practically birth was now my worst enemy. a tear dropped from my eye without even having to blink. i just walked away, i couldn’t even get out a ‘fuck you’. nothing. i walked home in devastation. i blocked him on everything possible and avoided him as much as i could for months. my parents started to worry about us but i just used the ‘i’m busy’ excuse.

this went on until i absolutely had to see him, which was his 18th birthday. his parents were having a little get together with only family and close friends before his actual birthday party with all of his friends. we were in the middle of dinner when mark’s parents decided to give speeches about how proud they were of their son. when they spoke on his kindness, i had to bite my tongue so hard i thought i tasted blood. i let everything they were saying go through one ear and out the other until somehow they reached the topic of soulmates. for some reason that caught my attention. i find out that mark has found a girl in our school that has the same small heart on her wrist as him. huh. so these are the important things i miss out on. i start thinking about other things that i’ve probably missed out on in mark’s life and begin to get kind of sad. i quickly shake away those feelings and go back to fazing everything out. thankfully i make it home without having to make eye contact with mark.

prom quickly approaches and i am reluctant to go because that one day of junior year still haunts me. my friends ensure me that no one remembers or cares anymore and that i should go because if i don’t, i’ll regret it for the rest of my life. i finally agree to make them stop bothering me. the night comes faster than i expect and i’m already inside sitting down watching everyone have fun. my friend spots me sitting down by myself and drags me out to dance. i’m enjoying myself until it feels like everyone has their eyes on me and is laughing. i try to ignore it but the feeling soon gets so overwhelming that i have to walk out to catch a breath of fresh air. i walk out the door and spot someone on the stairs. i guess they’re having just as a bad night as me. they turn around to see who came to join them. it was mark. if i thought my night wouldn’t get worse, i was unfortunately wrong. he looked as of though he’d been crying. i freeze and contemplate going back inside and scratch that idea out of my head. i walk down the stairs past him and plan to continue down the block but he calls out for me “y/n”. his voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking. “what could you possibly need?” “to talk to you, i need my best friend back” “oh really or do you need me to suck your dick?” i ask in a bitter tone and walk off. i take an uber home and spend the rest of the night crying; i fall asleep to the sound of my own sobs.

the following morning someone rang my doorbell. my parents weren’t home so i took the responsibility in answering it. and it wasn’t a surprise who i opened it to. “what do you want?” i say flatly. “y/n, i know you’re upset but i just want to talk to you” he looked distressed and i almost felt sorry for him. “upset is a fucking understatement” i say crossing my arms. “i know that doesn’t even begin to explain how you must be feeling-” “feeling?” i scoff “since when did you ever care about my feelings?” “i always cared about your-” i cut him off. “oh really? let me ask you this then. did you care about my feelings when you called me a whore so loud for everyone and their mom to hear?” he opens his mouth only to close it. he looked like he was struggling trying to find the perfect words for his pitiful excuse. he looks up at the ceiling and blinks away what seems to be tears. “nice, mark, nice” i begin to close the door. “wait” he holds his hand on the door “please” his voice fragile. i close my eyes and take a deep breath. when i open them i look straight into his glassy ones. i somehow see all the emotions he’s feeling in them. but everytime i look into those dark chocolate orbs, i remember the cold asshole behind them that completely invalidated my feelings and i just couldn’t deal with that right now. “no” i say simply and close the door.

i manage to avoid mark all summer and my first year of college and the summer following. so much so that i didn’t think he went to the same university as me. and for a moment in my life i actually forgot about him and was content.

i decided to apply to a job at a cafe close to my dorm to help pay for my books and tuition. fortunately i got the job and would be starting the next day. when i enter the following day and see who is training me, it almost made me want to quit immediately but i thought of the greater good. “hi, i’m y/n the new trainee” i pretend like it’s my first time meeting him and hold out my hand for him to shake. he slowly takes my hand and shakes it, a stunned look on his face. “mark” my heart begins to race because it feels like i haven’t heard that name or thought of his face for decades. i have to admit, mark has always been cute but now that i’m looking at him for the first time in two years, i’m only now noticing his attractive features. it seems as if his face structure has gotten manlier though. his features have definitely gotten darker and intimidating and god we were still holding hands and staring at each other and it’s making me sweat. i let go and avert my eyes elsewhere. he clears his throat “so uhm i’ll be training you today. follow me” i follow him to what looks like the break room. he retrieves me an apron and hands it to me. I put it on while he also grabs a slip of paper, a marker, and badge holder from some drawer. he writes on the paper in all caps ‘trainee’. “y/n you said your name was?” he looks up at me. i nod; happy that he’s also acting like it’s our first time meeting each other. he writes my name on the paper, slips it into the badge holder, and reaches to clip it on my apron. “you have to wear this raggedy thing for a little while but in due time” he points to his name tag and taps on it “you’ll have one of these bad boys” i snicker and he smiles at me. we go back to the front and he’s showing me all the gears. all the while he was very friendly like the old mark i used to know and it brought me back to the days where we’d push each other on the swing so hard that the other almost fell off. but one time mark actually did fall off and broke his arm and my ass got beat… anyway, he shows me most of what i need to know for now and suggests we do a practice run.

he walks out the door and walks back in, pretending to be a different person. he bounces to the counter and says enthusiastically “hey! how are ya!” i laugh and reply “i’m doing well how are you?”. he flips like a light switch “did you just laugh at me?” he furrows his eyebrows and raises his voice. “no sir i-” “no! because that was a disrespectful manner towards a customer!” good thing other co-workers haven’t shown up yet because they would’ve genuinely been worried with the way he was yelling. “i apologize sir-” “i would like to speak to your manager!” he returns to his normal self “and see just like that you’re fired” i just stood there with my mouth agape. “coffee deprived customers could flip on you in an instant so just be aware of that ok” i just nod. “so its best to just stick to the script” he reaches over the counter and taps on the script he gave me. “let’s do this one last time before someone comes and is like what the hell are you doing you’re supposed to be training her” he says while walking towards the door.

the next practice run i follow the script exactly and i make it without getting yelled at again. “that was good but try not to read-it-like-this” he says mocking my choppy reading. we both laugh and i lightly push him. our laughter dies down and we’re left smiling at each other with gleaming eyes. mark clears his throat and checks the time. i look away and purse my lips from the borderline awkward atmosphere. “the others should be getting here around” someone walks through the door “now”.

it was around rush hour and the cafe was bustling. i was kind of having a hard time working the cashier efficiently so mark came to assist me. he was close to my side, close enough for me to feel the warmth of his body heat. one hand was on his hip and the other resting on the counter ready to tap something on the monitor if needed. it got to a point where there were too many people coming in and i wasn’t moving fast enough. mark put his hand on the small of my back and guided me away from the cashier “hey it’s getting really busy right now how about you go on break” he nodded and smiled reassuringly. i went to the break room kind of embarrassed that i couldn’t work quick enough. i felt like this, a job where you just take money and tap stuff on the monitor, was something i was incapable of. i bit into my sandwich with a frown on my face. mark soon joins me in the break room. i sits next to me with a huff. “today has probably been the busiest day all year” i just hum in response. then he notices the expression on my face. to anyone else they would think i was fine but mark has know me for too long to not catch on to my antics. “hey what’s wrong? what happened?” he turns his whole body towards me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “hm? nothing” i shake my head. “y/n” he says in a recognizable serious tone. “i just.. i felt like i couldn’t do it. like i wasn’t fast enough” “y/n, it’s your first day, i was the same way. the manager at the time made me go home because i was so slow” i chuckle “and the line was still backed up when i was doing it by myself just now. one guy asked for the manager and i told him he’s looking at him” i try to hide my shock. wow so those two years i avoided him he went and became a manager. i really should’ve done something instead of watching ‘the office’ in my spare time. “so don’t worry, i’m not going to fire you. i know these things take time. good thing i’m training you it’ll take less time” he smirks at me and i smile. butterflies let loose in my stomach from the smirk but i quickly catch them. oh how i missed the magic mark possessed that could take me out of a bad mood in almost an instant. i missed his humor. i missed his stupid self. i missed my best friend. i missed him.

the rest of your shift went smoothly and you didn’t need to ask mark for anymore help. he still teased you on occasion though. we both leave the cafe together. i get ready to ask mark where he’s going but a girl runs up to mark and embraces him. she kisses him and interlaces her fingers with his. “oh sorry y/n but i have plans, see you tomorrow” and with that they walk off in the opposite direction i was headed. that must be the same girl that was mentioned in mark’s 18th birthday dinner. that’s his soulmate. for some odd reason i feel a knife go through my heart. i try to brush it off as i walk home but the feeling is persistent. so persistent i shed a couple tears and my tattoo starts to burn.

months pass of me working at the cafe and i am no longer a trainee, obviously. mark and i have relit our old flame. i unblocked him on everything and we begin going to the movies, the park, and even each other’s dorm rooms. school has been in session for god knows how long now and we found out we live in the same dorm just the other day.

mark came over because he was suddenly in the mood to bake some cookies. he takes the cookies out the oven and tried to take one and eat it immediately. he hisses when his finger makes contact with the baking pan. “you have to make it cool stupid. god you’re about to be 20 in 4 days and you’re acting like you’re 4” i laugh. “why didn’t you stop me! you know this is how i am, ever since we were little” i stay quiet, trying to act like i didn’t hear what he just said. he sighs “y/n, i can’t keep acting like this” “like what” i act oblivious. “like we don’t have a past” “well frankly mark, i can” “well frankly y/n, i don’t want to” he started getting defensive. “‘don’t want to’” i repeat his words. “ want.. do you ever think about what i want? hell do you ever think about what i need? have you ever thought about what i need?” “ yes all the time” “that’s bullshit and you know it because if you thought about what i needed you wouldn’t have embarrassed me” i feel tears well up in my eyes. “y/n you’re still on that, that was junior year!” “yeah and that one moment in junior year ruined the rest of high school for me. everywhere i went i felt like people just looked at me and saw whore written across my forehead. and my quote on quote ‘friends’ didn’t help, they just told me to get over it. so that’s why i don’t believe you thought about what i needed all the time. because you would’ve thought about what i needed and i needed you” the tears finally spilled and i could see the guilt on mark’s face. “y/n..” he stands up and reaches out for me. “no you’re right. it was junior year. water under the bridge” i choke out a laugh. “no i’m not-” i cut him off “if you really care about what i need you should go because right now i need space. away from you” mark freezes. he puts his hands on his hips, looks up at the ceiling, and lets out a deep breath. he looks at me one last time and leaves my dorm.

four days pass and it’s mark’s birthday. in those four days, our works schedules were supposed to overlap but he hasn’t come to work. i kind of miss him there poking me in my side to make me jump in front of the customer. i contemplate whether or not i should text him happy birthday, instead i get a text from him.

mork ❣️:”y/n i know you need space right now and i do care about what you need but this is a friendship so i think the feeling should be mutual. and right now i need you more than ever right now” [8:47 pm]

mork ❣️:”im scared y/n” [9:03 pm]

mork ❣️:”please.” [9:04 pm]

a period at the end of the last message. oh it’s serious. i decide to put my pride to the side for his sake.

y/n :”i’m coming” [9:04 pm]

i make it to hs dorm room and the door was slightly open so i just walked in. i went straight to his room and walked in without knocking. the lamp on his desk was the only source of light. mark was hidden in the darkest corner but it was visible that he was crying and still is. “mark” he sniffs. i make my way over and sit next to him on the floor. “what happened?” i caress his back and do my best to fix his messy hair. “my.. my tattoo disappeared” he manages to get out between sobs. “what? how?” i remember when i was younger my parents told me that if i were ever mean to someone else, my tattoo would disappear but i always thought that was a way to scare me into being good. i never knew these thing actually happened. “i called my parents about it and they said it happens when one person or the other doesn’t deserve the tattoo, they both lose the tattoo. they asked me what i could’ve possibly done to make it vanish like this but i couldn’t think of anything. somehow i still feel like i did something wrong” he runs a hand half way through his hair and keeps it there. “can you think of anything that she could’ve done?” i ask sympathetically “i don’t know” he says quickly and i can already tell he’s lying. “mark” i look him straight in the eyes. “i don’t want to tell you. you don’t like talking about the past so i want to respect that”. “i don’t care anymore. that was the past and i’ve come to realize that there’s nothing i can do about it. so go ahead, tell me what happened”. “prom night” as soon as he says that i remember. “that night i took the girl you always see me with to prom” i nod knowing who it is. “we thought we were perfect for each other because we had the same tattoo. so it was only right we went to prom together. half way through she went missing and when i found her she was making out with your ex” i tense at the mention of him. “i was heartbroken. when i was on the stairs my tattoo was fading in and out. when you blew me off that night i was devastated and felt like i had no one. i couldn’t really blame you, i was a complete dick” “i’m sorry i should’ve been there for you” “no it’s fine, you’re here for me now, that’s what matters” he gave me a small smile. “it’s not your fault” he furrows his eyebrows at me. “she made your tattoo disappear” he becomes sulky. “will i ever find someone y/n? what if i stay without a tattoo for the rest of my life? i want to love someone, i want someone to love me” he’s about to cry again so i hug him, letting him bury his head in the crook of my neck. “shh no don’t say that. i’m sure you’re going to find someone. the universe wouldn’t be so cruel to someone like you”. we stay in each other’s arms for a while without saying anything. then mark breaks the silence “thank you” “anytime. also happy birthday” he chuckles out a thank you, the vibration from his chest spreading throughout my whole body. i break the hug “personally, i don’t think this is the way to spend a birthday” i get up from the floor and put my hands out to help him up. “i think we should eat cake” “i don’t have cake” “we’ll make cake”.

we get to the kitchen and put some music on. i make the cake batter all by myself and throw it in the oven because when it comes to baking, mark is hopeless. we have our own little dance party and karaoke while waiting for the cake. when i take the cake out and go for the frosting mark gets a text. his facial expression automatically turns sour. “what is it?” i walk over to him. “she texted me” i take his phone from him.

my love 💝:”sorry markie i got caught up with family issues, i’m coming right now” [10:24 pm]

“family issues? has she ever told you about said ‘issues’?” i finger quote issues. he shakes his head. i scoff and tap my fingers across the keyboard.

mark :”i don’t think it’s a family issue if you want to suck someone else’s dick, i think that’s a you issue and if you can’t read behind the lines, we’re done, over, finished, broken up” [10:26 pm]

i start giggling and mark snatches his phone back. “what did you do-” his eyes widen at what you replied and he started giggling too. “anyway let’s get back to this cake”. we begin frosting the cake and i couldn’t fight the urge to smudge frosting on his adorable cheek. i laugh and start running when i see him with frosting on his fingers. the chase doesn’t last long because mark grabs me by the waist from behind and smears frosting all over both my cheeks. we were both weak from laughter to fight each other anymore. i leaned back onto mark’s chest and he didn’t make an effort to move so neither did i. the rest of the night was spent watching movies, me doing mark’s makeup, face masks, wrestling, awkward positions.. a lot of awkward positions.

work days at the cafe somehow became even better because we no longer had to act like we didn’t know each other. the hours went by quicker and the work didn’t feel as burdening. since mark was one of the managers, he made sure that our schedules damn near always overlapped. when we had to close together, he’d walk me back to my dorm room. if he didn’t have class the next day and he was too tired to go to his room he’d stay with me. he has a small space in my closet for his ‘sleepy sleep’ clothes as he likes to call it.

summer came around and we both went home to our parents. since we’re older now, we hang out whenever we want and wherever we want. this included a lot of trips to the beach because he wanted to watch the sunset and look at the stars. he loves to talk about our lives and where we might end up. he has now accepted the fact that he no longer has a tattoo so he doesn’t talk about that too much. he says that ‘it’s ok, as long as i have you by my side as my best friend i think i’ll be alright’.

the night before my birthday mark took me to my favorite spot. the cliff that looks over the beach where we love watching the sunset and stars. he lays a big blanket for the both of us to sit on. the sun had already set so the moon was reflecting off of the almost still water. the light was highlighting my prominent features and i didn’t even notice. out of the corner of my eye i see mark staring at me with a small smile on his face. i look over to him and smile “what?” he just shakes his head and looks down at his hands in his lap. “why did you take me so late? we missed the sunset~” i say with a pout. “it was kinda a last minute decision” “wow so you didn’t have this planned for my birthday beforehand! it was last minute and rushed huh?!” i push him playfully. he laughs that damn beautiful laugh that could cause world peace “no, no i did i just didn’t know if i should do it”. “well what is it?” i say curiosity in my voice. “y/n i..” he signs. “i don’t want you to turn 20” i open my mouth to question him but he continues. “i don’t want you to find your soulmate. because i want you. i like you y/n. i don’t want you with anyone else. but i don’t want to ruin your happiness with my selfishness. so i wanted to say this before you turned 20 so it wouldn’t jeopardize you losing your tattoo like me. i was so blinded by that tattoo i didn’t realize what i had right here” he lays his hand on top of mine. i was so taken aback that i just sat there and stared at him. “say something, please”. “i.. i like you too mark” we were inches away from each other. the moon was acting as a spotlight and the sound of the waves created an atmosphere that felt like we were the only people on earth. “god i just want to kiss you right now” he slightly furrows his eyebrows. i take the initiative and kiss him first. his lips were ever so soft as well as his hands cupping my cheeks. the kiss was passionate and filled with longing. he licked my bottom lip and i granted him access into my mouth. his tongue explored every inch of my mouth. i threw my leg over him to straddle his lap and the kiss got even more heated. he put one hand under my shirt and gripped my hip. the other hand was grabbing my ass, both were pulling me closer to him. “you’re so beautiful” he kisses down my jaw to my neck. i remove my shirt to give him more access and he kisses lower. i bite back a moan. i feel him start to grow beneath me and i grind down onto him. he groans and flips me onto my back. he takes off his shirt and i stare at his bare chest in awe. he returns back to my lips and slides his hands down to my shorts and damn near rips them off. my hands were lost in his hair while trying to deepen the already deep kiss. he slips his hand inside my underwear and sinks a finger inside me. i gasp at the new feeling. “fuck babe you’re so tight”. he continues working wonders on me and slips in 2 more fingers, stretching me out. at this point i’m a moaning mess. he feels me getting close and removes himself. i whine at this but he pays me no mind. he slides down my underwear and tosses them to the side. he opens my leg and connects his mouth to my heat. i moan out his name and i can feel him smirk against me. he works on me until i feel a knot tie in my stomach and unravel itself. he looks up at me as i release myself “i love seeing you like this” he gets rid of his pants and boxer briefs. my eyes widen at the sight of his dick. then is when i realize that i’ve never actually had a dick inside of me before. he sees the worry in my face “babe what’s wrong? if you want me to stop just tell me”. “no it’s not that it’s just that, i’ve never done this before” he raises his eyebrows at me. “baby” he kisses my cheek. “are you sure you want to lose it to me?” i nod “i’ve never been so sure in my life”. he kisses my forehead “i’ll go slow. don’t be afraid to tell me to stop if it hurts too much ok” i nod. “i need to hear you” he cups my cheek. “ok”. he grabs my hand entwines our fingers. he lines himself up with my entrance and i close my eyes, preparing myself. “no, babe, look at me” i open my eyes for his to hold mine. he slowly eases his tip in and watches my face twist from discomfort. he waits for me to give him the ok to keep going until he’s completely in. he buries his face in my neck, concentrating on not moving until i was ready. he was clenching his jaw hard and fisting and unfisting his hand. then i was finally ready for him to start moving. he went as slow as i needed until i wanted him to go faster. he was thrusting into me at a speed i didn’t think was possible. i wrapped my legs around his waist hoping that he would go even deeper. my free hand was holding onto his shoulder for some leverage. he began kissing and sucking on my neck again and i was in heaven. i was practically screaming his name and i was glad no one was around because they would’ve thought it was a murder going on. “i’m close princess, you’re doing- so- so good” he said between groans. his breathy moans were going right into my ear and it was turning me on even more, if possible. he raised my hips even more and snapped his hips at a new angle that brought tears to my eyes. the amount of pleasure mark was giving me was unbearable. i felt my walls contract and hold onto him. i shut my eyes tight and released with a yell of his name. he kept going to reach his high though and my legs started to shake. i could tell he was getting ready to pull out when i tell him i’m on the pill. this is the only time i’ll thank my period cramps for being so deadly. he kisses me deeply after i tell him that. he releases inside me with a loud groan. he rides out his high and finally pulls out. we lay next to each other for a few moments to catch our breaths then he gets up and opens his car. he comes back with clean clothes. “i forget you always have extra clothes in your car” i chuckle. “it’s convenient” he smiles at me. “i thought i had clothes in there too, why is it just your clothes?” i look at him confused. “because you look cute in my clothes” he pecks me on the lips.

we get dressed and lay back down on the blanket. i lay my head on his chest and my leg between his. his hand is lightly caressing my side with his fingertips, the other was checking his phone for the time. “we have three minutes before your birthday” he says with a frown on his face. i look up at his moon lit face “i’m gonna miss this mark” i brush the hair covering his eyes away. “really why does destiny have to be so cruel?”. “i don’t know. i must’ve been a serial killer in my past life to be so mistreated” i smile at his ridiculous joke. “i hope your tattoo comes back and you find someone that you love from the bottom of your heart. i hope that they make you happier than i ever could” “you too” his eyes begin to water. he checks his phone again. “we have one minute, can i get one last kiss?” “of course” we kiss one last time and we felt every single one of each other’s emotions in it. finally, the kiss breaks. we sit up straight and mark checks his phone. “happy birthday” he smiles while a stray tear falls down his cheek. “thank you” i smile at him. i feel my tattoo start burning and i wince. we both look at it glow in anticipation. the rose turns into an infinity symbol and stops glowing. mark winces too and looks at where his tattoo use to be. it starts glowing and soon forms the same infinity symbol. then our tattoos glow together. we look up at each other and smile. “i love you” mark says before kissing me the first of many kisses to come.

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saintscoffee · 6 years

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Commentary regarding Icebergs (6 to 8)

(6)

Ice: After failing six times to capture the “impregnable” Iserlohn Fortress, the Alliance military higher-ups decide that the problem was that they didn’t have enough of a scrappy underdog narrative trope going on

I love Ice

Ice: Elsewhere, it’s Reinhard and Kircheis’s turn to gaze out over a balcony.

I seriously love Ice

Ice: Elizabeth would like me to mention here that Schenkopp is fucking hot

Elizabeth has good taste

Ice: You may have noticed that Dusty has been lightly flirting with Yang since the first time we see them

Is there any character that Ice will let be hetero?

Ice: Dusty Attenborough has been around at Yang’s side since “My Conquest,”

What is Conquest? Did I miss an episode?

Ice: Yang’s reaction to seeing that his new assistant is a woman is many things—awkward, rather rude, definitely extremely unprofessional. We quickly learn that part of his discomfort comes from the feeling that his friend Cazellnu

Oooohh, I hadn’t caught that

Ice: I suppose the “surface reading” of Julian’s outfit here is…..it was the ‘80s??

Nah, fam, Julian is just terrible at dressing himself

Ice: he knows he looks damn stylish

I guess our tastes are very different

Ice: Other things I love: those turquoise shoes. Julian. Please be a fashion blogger rather than a soldier, it’s your true calling.

Do not and it isn’t, Ice please

Ice: Reinhard and Kircheis are in fact standing on a balcony together at night looking up at the stars…talking about Alliance military assignments yes but, in a very poetic, romantic way.

Sure they are

(7)

Ice: while Schenkopp and co. rush around Iserlohn kicking ass and taking names—names and computer passwords, I guess

I still love Ice

Ice: For reasons lost to the sands of time (at least, unknown to us)

Poetic, I see LOGH taught you well

Ice: As an example of an inconsequential but unfortunate change, they made this random dude’s hair way more boring. Poor guy.

OMG

Ice: The original here conveys much more character though the body language.

Remasters: Yang, put your feet down and behave.

Ice: Believe it or not, changing poor Julian’s outfit and pose here

Screw Julian, there was an army lady in the old version and then they erased her in the remastered, I’m mad!

WOMEN ARE IMPORTANT

Ice: In two sentences Yang undermines the fundamental concept of this war: that they’re fighting for an ideal, for honor or love of their country or hatred of the empire.

Ice: the motivation he offers them for fighting is that living is preferable to death.

*claps*

Ice: he hates the war not just because of the unnecessary death, but also because of the way it cuts off people’s choices and individual agency

*CLAPS*

Ice: While he urged his soldiers to fight so they don’t die, he himself feels the burden of fighting so that other people don’t die, so that other people have the choices he’s turning down himself.

*claps while crying*

Ice: Oberstein

*prepares fighting gloves*

Let’s do this

Ice: Here I would just like to point out that Oberstein is set up as a clear parallel/foil to Yang.

Very true, one of the few things I noticed while watching the show

Ice: Like Yang, Oberstein is deeply pragmatic and keenly intelligent. His vibe here comes across like “what if Yang but no soul?”

I’ll give you this one

Ice: as we get to know them better. (Well, get to know Yang better anyway; can anyone ever really be said to “know” the enigma that is Oberstein…?)

*fingerguns*

Ice: Original!Yang is so beautiful and sad and sleepy.

They wanted new Yang to be badass (probably)

But sad and sleepy Yang is the best Yang

Ice: Between this and the waitress scene in the last episode we’re amassing quite a “Blumhart waves awkwardly at random women” collection.

I still can’t believe he survived that fall and decided to flirt with the first lady he saw

(8)

Ice: The sinister Oberstein

This makes me cackle because I imagine Oberstein hunched back and rubbing his hands like those old villains going muwahahaha while my interpretation of Oberstein is more: Take a deep breath, Paul, take a deep breath. You’re surrounded by idiots, but you can do this.

Ice: Oberstein is the most fun to have at parties.

Yes, he is

Ice: we learn how this aspect of Oberstein’s personality (to the extent that he has one)

Just because he doesn’t trust anyone, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a personality, Ice!

Ice: he has a perfectly rational desire for treasonous revenge on a large scale. I’m serious: I’ve made it pretty clear that I can’t stand Oberstein, but his ambitions are noble.

So, you’re like all the other men of Rein’s army

Knows that Oberstein is right, but man f*ck that guy

Ice: Oberstein is seemingly only capable of acting in the most Machiavellian way imaginable, at all times.

Fam

FAM

If that was true, then worse things would have happened

I was warned about Oberstein

I was expecting a lot worse

Oberstein is very tame

Especially after Kircheis kicks the bucket

Ice: Also, Bratty Reinhard is my fav.

SAME

Ice: Anyway, back to Oberstein, who absolutely does not understand why Reinhard would ever unfairly privilege one person over another in the workplace:

HE UNDERSTANDS, HE JUST DOESN’T AGREE WITH IT

Ice: Oberstein does not experience a full range of emotion—it’s part of what makes him such a good strategist, because he can easily see the most efficient path to whatever outcome will result in fewer lives lost. His vision isn’t clouded by complicated factors like emotional attachment or personal bias. He sees people as numbers:

I’m getting mad

Ice: It can’t be explained with logic, which means Oberstein can’t explain it. And that really gets under his skin.

I declare that everything that you are saying is stupid

But, now seriously, is this really how most of you see Oberstein?! Like a rational monster that doesn’t comprehend at all feelings?!

Cus, wow, your interpretations couldn’t be so far from mine

Ice: Oberstein believes that ends can always justify the means; Kircheis feels guilt over every death that results from his actions, however indirectly.

*claps*

Ice: But Reinhard needs Oberstein, or he thinks he does

Nah, fam, Rein really needed Oberstein

And I’m not just saying this because I like him

I mean, I am saying it a little

Rein is popular and attracts passionate people

He needed someone who could be cold and calculating to bring him back to reality when he got too far in his ambition

Ice: I think Reinhard’s instinct here is to protect Kircheis from the darker side of the task they’ve set for themselves, and also, of course, to hide an aspect of himself that he worries Kircheis would find distasteful, or disappointing.

I’m not against this interpretation

Ice: Kircheis, as I’ve covered at length, really fucking HATES OBERSTEIN.

COMPLETELY

DISAGREE

Sieg is suspicious of Oberstein

Oberstein is a man that values completely different things from him

So he’s cautious around him

He wants to see how far this man wants to take Rein

How much “sin” he will suggest to Rein

Because this is their dynamic

Kircheis is the “angel’s whisper”

Oberstein is the “devil’s whisper”

If Yang is Rein’s equal, then Oberstein is Sieg’s

Sieg is afraid that Oberstein will lead Rein to a point of no return

But at the same time, now Sieg can focus on pushing Rein “to the light”

Like I said above, one of the jobs of Oberstein is to call Rein back to reality, something that Sieg also did

However, they do this in different areas – making both their jobs easier

Oberstein doesn’t need to care about Rein’s morals because Sieg will take care of that

And Sieg doesn’t need to care about suppressing Rein’s more aggressive side, because Oberstein will take care of that

Of course this all went to hell when Sieg left for Valhalla

Which curiously also restrained Oberstein’s actions

Why do you think Oberstein approached Sieg first?!

Ice: No, the relationship between Reinhard and Oberstein never becomes romantic, so please put that cursed thought out of your mind before I do it for you.

I’m starting to think that Ice’s first instinct when two characters interact is to gauge if they are shippable

Ice: But, like so much in LoGH, there’s a lot more going on here than the surface-level reading.

I’m starting to think this is Ice’s catchphrase

Ice: My read is that Reinhard and Kircheis consummated their relationship in some way that was a lot less symbolic than what we saw.

Write the smut, Ice

Sorry

#logh meta

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velcroboyfriends · 7 years

Text

2016 Year in Fic

I really enjoyed doing this write-up last year, and damn, a lot has changed! So I thought I’d do this again and take stock of my writing this past year.

I was ridiculously prolific last year, but due to a variety of factors I really didn’t keep up that volume this year. As someone who doesn’t often feel the spark to write, what kept me going this year were fic exchanges and prompt memes. I feel fortunate to have communities like AO3 and DW to keep me writing even when I’m drained and anxious and feel incapable of it.

So here are the results:

Fic List

1. Miles High - 1853 words. It’s quite telling about my early-2016 experience that I didn’t write a single word of fic between January and April. Disaster had struck in my work life, but I made the decision to sign up for Smut Swap 2016 anyway, and I was glad for it. This was my first Poe/Finn/Rey fic; we’ll see if I have another in me when Episode VIII rolls around. I just really wanted to write the three of them fucking in a spaceship, okay?

2. Slash: Romance Without Boundaries - 2516 words. I have only the AO3 volunteer community to thank/blame for this pile of trash. They play a game called Slash, in which competitors are challenged to write cracky pairings in weird situations. This led to me writing such pairings as Batman/Grantaire, James Bond/Remus Lupin and Will Graham & Tigger, as well as a very bizarre song parody about Aaron Burr’s encounters with a Drumpf-shaped sex doll. idk you guys. I’m sorry.

3. Bluebeard’s Wives - 1661 painstaking words. I wrote this for Not Prime Time 2016, and I’m really glad the exchange forced me to, because otherwise I would never have written the work I’m most proud of. I wanted to write something dark and twisted and beautiful, and to capture Hannibal’s inner monologue with all its vivid imagery, and somehow I halfway managed it. This was the first fic that ever earned me a place in a fandom spotlight post, and I’m very proud of that. It was my first Hannibal work and will probably be my last, but I enjoyed it.

4. On Not Being Alone - 4103 words. It took me til August this year to write something born purely of the desire to write, not a deadline. I’d been binge-watching Critical Role all summer, and after I reached the scene that precedes this fic in canon, I found myself in a whirlwind of writing. I wrote this near-obsessively over the course of 24-ish hours, and it was incredibly exciting to want to write again. It’s just a PWP, but it was so refreshing.

5. In the Middle of Summer - 2344 words. This was the only Richlee fic I wrote all year, and I’m sad to say it’ll probably be my last. There’s a chance I might pick up interest in participating in the fandom again - and I still get stupid hearteyes over the both of them - but the spark has just waned. I wrote this for a challenge for Richard’s birthday, and without that event I probably wouldn’t have written it. However, I did have fun with one last hurrah.

6. Between the Two of Us - 4584 words. Aand this is where I embraced my trash-goblin self and started writing Critical Role RPF. Even while I was gorging on CR all spring and summer, it never occurred to me that people would write RPF about the cast until I stumbled upon the awesome Five Minute Break. At first I was like ‘ew no’ but then I read it and was hooked. My giant crush on Liam melded with my new-found fascination with sub!Matt and a new fandom obsession was born. This was also my first seriously kinky fic!

7. Girls’ Night - 3218 words. This was partially written because of the criticalkink kink meme, but also because I felt bad leaving Marisha out of the fun in my Liam/Matt fic. It was my first time writing any sort of femslash, and I loved it.

8. I’ll Pencil You In - 3107 words. I entirely wrote this because of criticalkink and the little Liam/anyone reverse-prompt I set up in there. Normally I would never have thought to write Liam/Sam, but I ended up enjoying it a lot, primarily because of how the power dynamic shifted their characters. It was also my first time writing kink negotiation, which was really fun.

9. Break Time - 996 words. Again, this was written for criticalkink. The prompt got into my head and wouldn’t go away. I tend to struggle with writing kissing, so this was a fun little challenge to write a fic that simply consisted of the build-up and the kiss.

10. Like the Bright Morning Stars - 3855 words. This was written for Yuletide. I was scared of this fic for the longest time, because smut is (obviously) my favored terrain and my recipient specifically said they did not want any sexual content. So for once I had to focus on plot and emotions and world-building, and that is HARD, Y’ALL. It’s very easy to churn out some sex; not so much to craft love. But it really paid off, because I loved this and it seems like a lot of other people did as well!

11. Into My Arms - 1843 words. Another prompt-fill from criticalkink. I had a lot of fun writing something simple and sweet and in a position/circumstance I had never written before. I also enjoy a good text convo in fic, so that was fun as an opener.

Total Word Count: (so far) 30,080 words.

Overall Thoughts: Word-count-wise, I wrote less than half of what I wrote last year, but just as many individual works, which is pretty good. And it’s far, far better than 0, which had been my usual word-count for the past five years before last year. If last year was an exercise in writing for fun, this year was an exercise in pushing myself to write even when I was tired or sad or anxious, and I learned that I’m capable of a lot more than I thought.

Personal Best Story: 100% Bluebeard’s Wives. The vignette style, the imagery, the spare narration, the nuance - I’m proud of every word. If I ever write something better than this, that will be an enormous victory.

Personal Favorite Story: I really like I’ll Pencil You In. It was the first CR RPF story where I really felt like I knew what I was doing, and I really like that even in a scene of bondage and domination, there’s palpable softness, intimacy and sweetness between two friends.

Most Underappreciated Story: I was expecting a lot more traffic on Miles High, because I was writing a really popular pairing in a very popular fandom - but I suppose that when there are a lot of works going up in a fandom at once, it can be even harder to get recognition than it is when you’re writing for a very small fandom. And I don’t think my heart was really in it, which probably showed in the writing.

Most Popular Story: By hits alone, it’s On Not Being Alone, which makes sense, as it’s a simple PWP about a popular pairing in a small-but-growing fandom. By kudos, it’s Like the Bright Morning Stars, which is nice, given that I really didn’t think it was that good until it got such a fervent response. It also wins for kudos-per-hit, with ~19% of viewers giving kudos.

Story with the Sexiest Moment: Girls’ Night, man. Every inch of that is ridiculously sexy to me. The face-sitting, the manhandling, the dualingus... yes. Last year in my response to this question I mentioned that I felt my sex writing was getting a bit stale, and in the latter half of this year I feel I rose to the challenge and really mixed things up.

Most “Holy Crap That’s Wrong Even for Me” Moment: Basically all of Bluebeard’s Wives. There’s gore, there’s murder, there’s twisted relationship dynamics... yeahh. I also felt very wrong writing CR RPF, and continue to feel a bit weird about it - but I love it too much to give it up.

Story That Shifted My Perceptions of a Character: I felt like I really got to know Hannibal through writing Bluebeard’s Wives. I began to understand his way of thinking. I also really changed my perceptions of Sam through I’ll Pencil You In, by exploring him in a completely unfamiliar situation and entering subspace for the first time.

Most Fun to Write: Writing those crackfics for the Slash games was really fun, but also nerve-wracking. It’s hard to say if anything I wrote was purely fun with no worry involved, but I probably enjoyed myself the most writing my two Liam/Sam works, because they’re so good for one another and Sam is just a ball of joy.

Hardest Story to Write: Bluebeard’s Wives was a slog through hell as far as the writing process went. When I was done I was happy, but up until that point I had no clue what I was doing and nothing felt good enough. I considered every single word to within an inch of its life. But it all paid off, I think.

Favorite OC: The only OC I wrote this year was the nameless girl from Bluebeard’s Wives. I liked her, though - she was defiant until the end. She didn’t buy into Hannibal’s shit.

Biggest Surprise: Every moment of my Slash game fics was a surprise. Buffy almost getting the Half-Blood Prince’s book, Batman rescuing Grantaire, Hannibal eating Voldy, “The World Was Wide Enough” being rewritten about a Drumpf sex doll, AVPM!Ron seducing Voldemort with Red Vines, Will Graham shooting Tigger, James Bond kissing Remus, Jack Sparrow rescuing Enjolras... it’s all fucking weird and surprising, and that’s the beauty of the game.

Most Unintentionally Personal Story: I really can’t say any of my works this year ended up very personal. Perhaps what’s personal is how many of my kinks and trash-goblin shipping tendencies I revealed.

Favorite Lines/Scenes:

The morning-after scene in Between the Two of Us feels very true to Matt and Liam’s dynamic, and very tender.

I loved writing kink negotiation in I’ll Pencil You In.

From my Slash fics: “There were many reasons why Buffy always avoided the Hogwarts library. One was that studying was, like, so 1996, and that any sixth-year worth her salt (liberally sprinkled in a circle to ward off whatever) did not bother with books. The other was that creepy librarian who kept telling her it was her destiny to save the world from vampires or whatever. That was super species-ist, for one thing - didn't Professor Giles know that anti-vampire bias was waaay 15th-century? Buffy had hoped the world had come further than that. It was sad enough when that werewolf professor had to quit without her adding to the whole problem. As if.”

From Bluebeard’s Wives: “He cooks a wonderful meal for the three of them. He offers to give up his portion. He washes their hair in the bath. He washes their feet. He sketches Abigail into a copy of Gentileschi's Judith Slaying Holofernes, Bedelia by her side, holding the figure of Holofernes - Hannibal himself, in this copy, although he has never been a self-portraitist - as Abigail slices at his neck. Blood sprays forth in a fountain. Will hangs it upon the wall unsmiling. He brings home a scrappy little spinone, the lovely thing's ears drooping with long fur. Will says the city is no place for a dog. And none of it is enough.“

All of Girls’ Night. Just all of it.

Lines/Scenes I’d Like to Change:

Basically all of Like the Bright Morning Stars. But it seemed to work for readers, so what do I know?

I’d like to let Finn shine more in Miles High; ditto for Laura in Girls’ Night.

The pacing in Break Time could have been a little more leisurely; same for Into My Arms.

Top Five Scenes I Wish Could Be Illustrated:

Vox Machina taking the stage in Like the Bright Morning Stars

Hannibal’s copy of Judith Slaying Holofernes in Bluebeard’s Wives

Basically all of Girls’ Night

James Bond kissing Remus and then being decked by Sirius

The kiss from Break Time

2017 Writing Ambitions:

I just want to keep writing, be it fic or RP or the possibility of non-fannish fiction. I’m not going to set an ideal wordcount, because I’ll end up disappointed, but I just want to write more than 0 words. And I want to write at least one thing I’m truly proud of.

Fic ideas for this year:

Sequel to Like the Bright Morning Stars - titled Like the Rolling Waters and in the works for SFBB 2017!

The last two reverse-prompts from criticalkink: Liam/Matt playful jokeyness and Liam/Laura/Travis threesome (!!!!)

MOAR POLYMACHINA

And whatever the hell I think of next!

#my fic

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