#like you really hate jewish people that much? begone

[chocobox]

hopefully i don't sound too 'woe is me' about this (i do i started waxing poetic,) i'm just trying to sort out my own feelings. that said...

i think i'm too hard on myself about trying not to feel sad that i can't ever really be a part of the self ship community the way i was anymore. i don't think it was about validation, as i tend to parrot, as much as it was about connection. i liked feeling like i could share this part of myself with others who could share their parts in return. but now that i'm as far as i am in my understanding, there is no going back even if i wanted to.

it is not a community that believes in forgiveness. it's built on 2010s tumblr politics, the type where you find the bad guys and fight them off. the type that doesn't believe in humanity. i knew the risks when i took them (said like a soldier lol.) i'm ultimately glad i separated myself from that community because it has spurred a lot of self growth and maturity i wouldn't have obtained if i had continued to obey the dni rules of my mutuals. i don't consider learning the truth to be a mistake, i'm aware now that the behavior i myself partook in was wrong, and i'm better for it. i just wish other people would have listened when i said 'actually, no, he's not a nazi' because he LITERALLY WASN'T!!!! but when i posted about him i forgot that the people who saw that post weren't seeing me, they were seeing a label they had already been told how to perceive. that's the bad guy from the bad show, this mutual has gone fallow! alas, i may use them for dopamine hits no longer! begone!

i just hate it because like. i know i wasn't doing anything wrong! i am a person who would never in a million years like a fascist! but so many people just immediately came to conclusions based on false assumptions. i almost wish i had done something bad, then at least the reaction would have been justified. no, this could have happened to any tv show. aot had just enough subject matter for people to twist into lies for it to become as hated as it is. all people know are that there are nazis, and the titans are jewish people. so they come to conclusions. but the characters they assume are nazis ARE jewish people. and then it all falls apart! because surprise, it's a narrative ABOUT antisemitism & fascism, not a narrative in favor of it! eeeeeveryone inside the walls is jewish. all of them. and there are a few nazis in there... but they're jewish children who are being exploited by the nazi government as child soldiers. so still jewish. and all of them have incredibly complicated trauma on the matter that gets explored in a nuanced and empathetic manner! Idk i'm just rambling about aot at this point lolol but my reason for talking about this is just what i said and have been saying.

i simply wish the community was truly a 'community.' it's only really for people who fit a narrow and flawed perception of how to be 'moral' with extensive virtue signaling dnis and all of the right opinions, which you've always held, because god forbid someone dredge up an old discord screenshot to justify a petty grudge. but i also hate proship communities. i hate the way they have no standards for what is and isn't okay. i hate groupthink. i wish people could form their own opinions. and i don't lack a community per se, i have many amazing friends who i am lucky to have in my life, i just enjoy new people. i enjoy self ships and self inserts and seeing other people creatively love themselves. it's just sad to know i can never be a part of it the same way again, not only due to my own disillusionment, but because unless my self ships are palatable, even if i can find mutuals who are chill and get it, they can't... reblog my posts. it's as though i'm stuck in the shallow waves of a tidepool, watching as everyone else plays in the ocean. sometimes people will come my way and offer me a bit, but they'll never invite me over with them, for i'm covered in sea urchins! what would the others think? and i don't hold it against anyone, i don't want anyone to sacrifice their community and end up like me. i just think i'm allowed to be a bit sad all the same. i do miss sharing en masse with people who will share back to me.

#antisemitism tw #sparkletwinkles #ntm the way i saw so many people f/oing like. child abusers and characters who Are For Real Fascists #clay puppington? no one bats an eye... but Levi on the other hand.

[ladystarks]

Whenever I face antisemitism I'm just shaken to my core, like...logically I know people hate Jews simply for existing (bc we're "cheap" and "run the media" or whatever BS you wanna believe is justification enough to hate people for) but I was never brought up in an environment where we hate people for what they were born into?? I was taught to judge people based on what they do and not what specific group of people they belong to. Is that such a novel concept?? To base your opinion of people on their own actions and not awful stereotypes?? But no, people continue to hate Jews and continue to believe in damaging myths that have been perpetuated for hundreds of years. If you blindly do this then guess what: you're an antisemite and should shift your perspective.

#antisemitism #i'm just tired #tired of ppl literally backing every minority and yet still ignoring the antisemitism jews face every day #in our personal lives #in the media #but yeah if you want to be ignorant and an intolerant antisemite then sure #hate jewish ppl for literally no reason #judge every one of us as just bc you hate mark zuckerberg or whatever #i just do not understand baseless hatred #and i wish ppl would actually examine their prejudices rather than gobble them up from their parents/peers/community and never question the #personal #i've reached a boiling point today #and i know i lose followers every single time i post about being jewish and guess what? your antisemitism is showing #like you really hate jewish people that much? begone