#me and my 10 cm cyst............ that's like. a tennis ball. inside my body. waiting to cause me more pain. can you even comprehend ??

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

ngl i'm obviously grateful for the fact that medication exists that can make me function as a human without the extreme period cramps once a month and without the vomiting due to pain.

but the fact that the medication instantly and very obviously also made me. like. fully numb to life. is really not fun and i really don't think it's fair that those are the two like........... options... that exist

#i stopped birth control after i had a panic attack in a shop in london bc i'd felt increasingly anxious for years #and it just completely ruined my holiday #and after the first 3 ish years without any hormones my body reverted to my teenaged troubles #rn we're taking this birth control to keep the cyst from growing even more until it's my time for surgery #so i'm like. it's acceptable and i'm okay like this #bc it's not nearly as bad as it used to be #and i'm allowed to stop taking it if i want but if i have to choose rn between the two evils #i'd rather be a lil numb #also means i'm less actively upset at my job that i hate. bc i'm just kinda numb. win win ?? #it's gonna be an interesting follow up appointment though bc i cannot live longterm on birth control #if it comes to that i'm just gonna be like 'bro we'll just call it quits on the uterus situation' #bc i'm not trialing the spiral or the other invasive and scary option #when hormones alrEADy fuck me up #it's either migraine city or anxiety city or apparently now depression city #and i would just like none of those thx #i'm not having kids with this body so like. i don't need ovulation #i've had 16-17 years of it. i think i can be done now #my endometriosis journey is slow rn but we're just holding out until november #me and my 10 cm cyst............ that's like. a tennis ball. inside my body. waiting to cause me more pain. can you even comprehend ?? #this is so tmi but i'm just like. so tired of this numbness ? #i'm not usually an emotional person but considering that i was kind of like this back when i was 18-22 #no wonder my mum used to comment on me never crying at films #insane to think i actually socialized at uni #anyways #time to go to sleep to wake up early and go teach at a place i really don't wanna be at ✌🏽🤪