#no wonder my mum used to comment on me never crying at films

[medicallymercury]

A History of Violence Trailer Review

so, the trailer happened…

I just feel a bit like

bros….. (usual ranting below the cut)

I’ll talk about Teddy first because what is the point of this blog at this point, if not to go on about him? I watched through most of it and I was like “wow, he’s not being slutty, this is amazing for me” and then we got to the end and I clocked into the PR job. For some reason, probably projection-related ones, I struggle to believe he’d cheat on someone. But Casualty has deigned that he must and I guess that Holbyverse infidelity is basically a minor moral offence that about 50% of the population of the city must have committed at least once. Still feels especially bad coming from Teddy; hypocrisy you can see from space or whatever I said about “New Romance For Teddy” in that post a while back. Him crying? Great, I’m horrible to my faves and I love all the episodes where he is sad. And Jan’s there for him, so their relationship hasn’t been ruined past the point of no return (which I’m not surprised about, those two were always going to reconcile). If it weren’t for the infidelity, I’d probably be really excited to see what happens next in Casualty and with Teddy but it’s kinda casting a shadow that I need to come to terms with.

Also, I’m a tiny bit convinced Sah might leave/be killed off and I have been for a while. I don’t think I’ve seen a picture of Arin filming in ages but I’ve seen loads of pictures of all the others together, without them. I thought it would be weird for them to fake-leave only to real-leave a couple months later but this trailer has also got me like 👀👀 for reasons I won’t specify because I’ll sound like a conspiracy theorist, I’m probably being silly and I’m not necessarily expecting that Sah will go but I’m definitely considering the possibility.

Brief acknowledgment of FAITH STUFF WILL NEVER BE OVER, WILL IT? Still no comment beyond that.

For all that I don’t enjoy Faith and Iain stuff, it does seem to be related to some Jacob and Iain stuff in the trailer and I’ve really been enjoying their interactions so there’s that. Honestly, Jacob joining the paramedics has made Iain feel like he’s more integrated into the paramedics as a team than he was when it was just him, Jan, Teddy and Sah.

The stuff with Stevie looks really, really good. I’m really excited to see where they go with that.

So does the stuff with Jodie and Max. And Max’s mum is back too! I do wonder if the same issue I’m having with Teddy right now might start to affect Jodie a little but at least she hasn’t got anyone she should be being loyal to. I also enjoy Dylan’s continued involvement in the Max and Jodie stuff.

New characters look great, we’ve heard about Siobhan joining and she looks interesting even if I’m still bitter about Donna, but I think Ngozi is introduced to us by this trailer so that’s exciting (though I do worry a new staff nurse means Ryan, who was slowly growing on me, is leaving). Also, Zoe returning, which is something I feel like we’ve known about forever now.

Brief, but there was Rida and Rash stuff and I hope we’re about to get a sweet romance with no horrors. I guess I love the horrors on some level, or I wouldn’t watch it, but it’s nice to have something pleasant happening in between.

Oh yeah, Charlie’s leaving. That’s the whole big thing. I know it’s a big landmark for the show but I don’t really care.

Overall, I guess I’m looking forward to it being back. The focus seems to be on the Stevie storyline and the Max and Jodie storyline, and at least that hopefully means that the continuation of the Faith Stuff will take a backseat compared to before the break. Teddy… I don’t know. I believed that the questionable things he did before the break made sense for his character, they felt like reasonable developments on his personality even if they weren’t always the writing choices I would’ve made (cough the proposal). But I struggle to believe he’d do this. I think he would have to be really going through it to do something like that, and I guess he has been really going through it, but unless the writers lean into that fact when making him do this, I think I’ll struggle to come to terms with it as part of his character. A real mixed bag of a trailer for me but at least Casualty-typical horrors are still being inflicted on the paramedics, some things never change.

[I recognise that Iain is also THE STRUGGLER right now, but this is how I made it so this is how it stays.]

#just posted it with ‘teddy isn’t a bit of a slag he’s a total slag’ on my close friends story #i forget what made me give up on holby i wonder what my casualty last straw will be #bbc casualty #shoelace fandom #teddy gowan #jan jenning #sah brockner #anti faith cadogan #iain dean #jacob masters #jodie whyte #max cristie #rida amaan #rash masum #semi anti charlie fairhead? #im just ambivalent to him #also paige and dylan but i don’t like to tag if mentions are only in passing

[simply-not-an-egg]

A List Of Messages From Ex-Family That Fill Me With Rage - Part Three (BD Edition)

*I went NC with these people in October 2023 after years of suffering. I've wanted to post about them in the past but never did being concerned for them potentially stumbling upon this. I have far too much rage in me to give a shit now.

**Messages are from my biological father (BD for short), and half-sibling on his side (HS for short).

***As some context, I had been trying to rebuild a relationship between us all after moving out to live full-time with Mum at 16 (a true angel on earth). It was amiable after 3 years, and then I was stabbed in the back. This was the downfall.

****I see a therapist on a regular basis, but in saying that I do also suffer (medicated) anxiety and depression, and I am also diagnosed Autistic and suspected ADHD.

*****Obvious TW for psychological/emotional abuse. Anything in bold is a comment from me.

"HS was rather distressed at the content of some of your messages" Ironic considering she started the conversation with the same sorta shit but I BET she didn't tell you what she had to say about you, huh? Guarantee there was no mention of her telling me about how you called her a "rude and ungrateful pric" in the middle of store and pointed at her. Guarantee there was no mention of her telling me about her mother calling her a "fucking idiot" because of her own ADHD. No, those things just so happened to be left out of the conversation huh? Because, of course, *I'm* the bad guy.

"This has also upset her because she genuinely wants a relationship with you" Cool. I wanted one with her too. But she hurt me, as are you know, in a torrential way. So, not my problem - she shouldn't have been a bitch in the first place.

"... the way you were treated here, for the most part, was perfectly okay" The self-harm scars and persistent suicidal ideation, along with the attachment issues and untrust of others say otherwise but okay babe.

"You were raised here in the same environment as __, __, and __ and none of them have any of the same issues" None of them had a disability. And it wasn't the same. There was favouritism whether you want to admit it or not. Ntm, two of the mentioned lived majority at their dad's place so they didn't have to deal with their mother like I did.

"The first six months of your life was a stressful and busy time" Idk why they were so caught up about this in particular, but I agree to this sentiment, yes, they were.

"I could not just take time off" The issue wasn't that you were working. The issue was what you did when you came home. The 1 time Mum left you alone with me to do some grocery shopping, she was home within 20 minutes because you couldn't handle the fact that the helpless, colicy, newborn baby was crying. You prefered playing your playstation instead of taking care of me. You left Mum to do everything for me. You went so far as to sleep on the fucking couch because god forbid you have to listen to your own baby crying in the night because they're hungry or need changing or just need a cuddle.

"I had a photo of you on my work station" Hooray! You did the bare fucking minimum!

"I'd visit you every night after work" You didn't. There were witnesses, and not just my mother who worked tirelessly to keep my helpless newborn baby ass alive. On occasion you visited WITH her, but you never went on your own volition. It was always Mum and my grandmother (who FLEW FROM FUCKING BRISBANE TO CANBERRA) that were caring for me. And sadly, it always has been.

"I had to work full time whilst your mother stayed home" Plenty of father's create wonderful relationships with their children even working full time. As do mothers. This is not an excuse for your behaviour. And again, you loved your alone time and playstation more than me once it came to being home (once again, this is all documented whether in writing, in photos, or filmed).

"No different to when __ was born" It was though. You actually slept in the same room as her. You actually got of your ass and helped with her when needed. You actually willingly spent time with her after work and built a relationship with her. You didn't treat her as nothing more than a trophy to show that your bloodline lives on to some degree.

"You were a pretty happy kid until high school" I wasn't. And oddly enough everyone else around me seemed to see that except for you. Maybe if you'd been more attentive you would've understood that, no, Emma was not, and never was happy around you. Her silence was due to her being afraid, not content.

"I wasn't in a position to push" You were a parent as well. You had every right to push for an earlier diagnosis.

"... I never bought you new clothes. It was becasue you never asked" A child shouldn't have to ask for the bare fucking minimum. But why am I surprised? You refused to pay child support all these years and consistently forced Mum to pay half my fees when you could most definitely afford them on your 6-figure pay compared to her minimum wage job where she would be LUCKY to scrape in $50k a year. Fuck, even the last birthday present you bought me wasn't even all you (it was a diving with sharks experience that cost $250. I scrape in $10k a year, if that, and *I* can afford that. You make $180k+ per year. Make it make sense).

"You still didn't communicate your needs to me much" Ever stop to consider that I did but at some point stopped trying because I realised it wasn't doing jack shit?

"You voluntarily and happly came with us on holidays" Ever stop to consider that I was too scared to say no?

"At times frustrations would boil over ... this is pretty normal for any household dealing with the pressure of every day life" I agree, but what isn't normal is bullying your own children, belittling their existence, and giving them lifelong trauma because your happiness was more important than theirs.

"It's a male trait to want to fix problems" It's an autistic trait too. Yet somehow I always had enough empathy to understand that people just need to be comforted and not every tear-fest has to have an "answer". Sometimes people just cry. Sorry that isn't a good enough reason for your emotionally immature brain to understand.

"Sometimes girls just get emotional and cry" So do boys. It's not exclusively a female thing. But god forbid, again, that someone cries without reason. It isn't very "tough" of them to do such a thing.

"You won't be <perfect> as a parent either" No, I won't be. But at least I'll know how not to traumatise my children which, as a child of abuse yourself, you'd think you would have learnt as well. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree though, so it seems.

"I do think you have created a world in your mind where you believe the way you were treated here was far worse than what it really is" "For me, it was the worst day of my life. For you, it was just another Tuesday."

"Don't misunderstand that as an invalidation of your feelings" Riddle me this - WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE THEN??

"I wish you a quick recovery from your current state" This is just fucking funny lol.

"It may explain why you can't see that my intentions were always good, even though they were" Ah yes, blame me being disabled for not being able to see your apparent nobility throughout the years. Even though it's clear as fucking day to everyone else around me that your intentions were definitely not always good, and even if such a thing was the case, just because it's what you intended, doesn't mean that's what happened.

Part 1

Part 2

#tw #child abuse #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #child neglect

[early20sfailingplenty]

BIG EMOTIONAL HEAVY VENT

TW; implications of r*pe, unhappy home life, wishful thinking ie the sinclairs, bad parenting, emotional neglect i think???? 

part of why i cling to the sinclairs sm is bc i dont ever really feel LOVED in my life. mum always makes comments which make me feel bad (most recently, “you make really funny noises when you’re uncomfortable *mocks me for two minutes by making the same noises* it’s really cute” after she said, “the only reason it takes me ten minutes to do your hair but it takes you half an hour is because i dont stop when you say it hurts” or “your hair is really dry” and then tells me what to do about it and then gets pissy when i say i don’t want to and makes it out like i’m being lazy) and her partner straight up doesn’t care about me. i tried to show him something today i was proud of (my study desk layout) and he said, “this is a desk?” and just left and my brother (previously my nb sibling) doesn’t really care either and he suffers like i do and i just dont ever feel loved or needed or wanted in my home life. 

since i was 15 when i found out that i wasnt made under nice circumstances (you know what i mean) i’ve tried so so hard to be my best self every day so i can make up for how i was made but ive never felt like mum’s proud or like she loves me and today my brother, who’s at his dad’s, phoned up and mum wasn’t even really listening to him and kept eyerolling at me and it’s made me re-realise that she never should have had us and i feel sick and sad and like there’s no point to anything i do because she’s never gonna be proud or anything

and now i’m crying and i just think i cling to the sinclairs bc i truly wanna believe they’d love me for ME. i’d be in a terrible and tragic situation if i lived in ambrose, i know, but if i was very lucky maybe they’d love me or keep me around bc i can cook and clean and i’d be useful and idk i’m just upset and im stressed and i’m scared and i’m crying and i want

bo to say, “oh, darlin’, c’mere” and pull me into him so tightly that all i can do is rest my head in the crook of his neck and he kisses the top of my head and we just stand there like that

vincent to cup the back of my head and bend down to press our foreheads tightly together and make his “mmf” noise bc he can’t get close enough and neither can i

and for lester to cuddle with me and jonesy while we watch one of my favourite films and if i cry, he just sighs gently and tucks me into his side and cracks a joke to make me laugh

i’m just really upset and no one in my house really sees me, i can’t help feeling, and i have to wonder how much i contribute to this situation and if i make it worse than it is or if it IS actually like this bc im always questioning my thoughts and my actions and it is so tiring bc i’m never enough for myself or even for my parents no matter how hard i try. i told mum i only got 4 hours the night before last bc i was up late studying and she said, “you’re an adult, it’s your choice” and YEAH but like ???? that was a good opportunity to say something like being proud??? 

whether i do or don’t study, she’s never proud or if she is, she never says so i wonder why the fuck i bother but at the same time i bother bc i need to make a good future for myself or i’ll be stuck here in their house forever and nothing scares me more than the thought of becoming my mum. i used to admire her so much and i used to want to be her but nowadays whenever she’s like “you’re so much like me” or her partner tells me i’m like mum, i cringe and feel white hot jolts of fear and i can only think ‘please no’.

idk just since i was 15 ive been more and more aware of how much my mum shouldn’t have been a mum and it makes me feel like i ruined her life so i keep trying to be my best self to compensate but she never seems to notice

and i cant stop crying holy fuck okay that’s enough i just gotta post this, get it outta my hair, then i gotta finish up this stuff i’m working on and if i’m lucky i can go to bed early-ish (before midnight) - gotta be up at 530am for work tomorrow😩

#im looking for some comfort if anyone has any <3 #or some tough love if you think that's needed #whatever you wanna give me #<3

[let-me-luve-you]

It’s the...for me

Tom Holland x Sister

Summary: A fun night with your brothers turns into something else when a fun little game goes wrong.

Warnings: Angst, rude brothers, tiktok challenges

MASTERLIST    BUY ME A COFFEE

Siblings night. A night that is always your favorite. It was a night where you met at Tom's with Harry, Sam, and Paddy to play games, eat dinner, watch tv shows and movies, and to just catch up uninterrupted. These nights used to happen once a week. Then they went to once a month when Tom started his movie career. Then it went to once or twice every time Tom was home for longer than a couple of weeks.

Your family were your life. You were just younger then the twins. But still older than Paddy. You still lived with your mum and dad as you started college. You were becoming a social worker so you can use the skills you learn in school to run The Brothers Trust in a few years. Help lighten the load of your mum and dad.

Today had been full of finals. Something that had you stressed. You have the day off tomorrow, but you still had 2 more finals to go later this week. So a few hours hanging with your favorite people were going to be the best destresser you could find.

Sam had cooked a delicious meal for all of you. Harry was filming blog style so that you all could post the video on social media for fun and to let fans of Tom see what happens behind the scenes.

After deciding to make some dancing TikToks to post on Harry's page, Paddy decided to do one of the trending challenges. Harry thought it would be fun to do the "it's the...for me." Instead of going back and forth with one another, Tom suggested having one sibling sit in front of the other four. The four would take turns saying 3 comments each before they switched spots.

Your brothers went first. Saved you for last. All of there's were just funny ones that fans have always talked about. For instances, "it's the eyebrow for me" Harry had said to Tom. That had everyone laughing, including Tom. Some were serious, but it was all fun. You were dying to see what your brothers said to you.

"Okay Y/N turn." Tom said clapping and rubbing his hands together. "Boys, you ready?"

"Let's do it!" Paddy said. "It's the still lives with mum and dad for me."

"It's the avoiding us when Tom's not here for me." Sam said.

"It's the never being on time for me." Harry said.

"It's the being clingy when I'm home for me." Tom said.

You laughed when your brothers did, but inside, you were crushed and heartbroken. Even if they were joking, it's very hurtful. Do they really think that, you thought. Am I really that bad? They kept going for their round before stopping and it seemed like non of them were just jokes.

Tom and Paddy got up and went to the kitchen to get snacks and drinks. Sam and Harry fought over what tv show to watch on Netflix. You stood up and went to the bathroom. You didn't need to go, you just stared at the mirror trying not to cry. You finally pulled yourself together and left the bathroom. You sat down on the couch next to Tom since it was the only spot left open. You guessed Sam won since you were watching Tiger King.

After the first episode, Tom turned to you and asked,

"Y/N/N are you okay?"

"Yeah you've been super quiet." Sam said.

"Yeah. I'm good." You tried to give a reassuring smile. “Just tired. Finals week is finally catching up to me.”

“Well, if you want to call it a night, we can.” Tom said wrapping you in a hug.

“Yeah. I’m going to head home. I have a final tomorrow that I need to review before bed.” You hugged each brother and headed back to your parents house. You went straight to your bedroom and finally cried the tears you had been holding back since the game.

Days had passed. Finals were now finished. Your mum decided to cook dinner to celebrate you passing your classes. All of your brothers were coming tonight. It was the first time seeing Tom, Harry, and Sam since that night. You’ve seen Paddy but haven’t really talked and hung out with him.

When your brothers arrived, you were still hanging out in your room watching tv. Tom knocked on your door.

“Hey Y/N/N! How were finals?”

“Tiring but good. Passed all my test and all my classes.” You said not taking your eyes off the tv. Tom looked at you weird. Usually you would hop up and give him a hug. Especially since you haven’t talked to him or seen him in a few days.

“That’s good. Um..” He looked back towards the door, “Mum said that dinner is ready.” He looked back at you.

“Okay.” You hopped up and walked past Tom towards the dining room where the rest of your family was sitting.

“So tonight, we celebrate Y/N finishing her classes and tests with passing grades. To Y/N!” Your dad said holding up his glass.

“To Y/N!” Everyone repeated copying your dad’s movement.

After sitting quietly at dinner, only answering questions with short answers, you moved back to your room.

“Y/N is acting weird isn’t she? It’s not just me?” Sam asked his brothers.

“Yeah. She was quiet the other night and she was quiet tonight.” Harry replied.

“I wonder what happened?” Tom asked.

“It started after the game.” Paddy added.

“I think I know why.” Harry cringed. “I watched the video from the other night. We were really rude to her. I didn’t realize at the time, but looking back, man we were rough. Here take a look.” Harry said holding out his phone. The boys all looked at it and cringed at their horrible behavior.

“I’m going to go talk to her.” Tom said getting up and heading to your room. After knocking and being let in, Tom moved and sat on your bed between you and your tv. “Y/N can we talk for a second?”

“What’s up?” you said sitting up and looking at your hands.

“I’m sorry for all the hurtful things I said to you during the game. There’s no excuse for what I did, but I’m so sorry.” Tom said putting a hand on your leg.

“Yeah. We’re sorry too. We shouldn’t of been so rude. We were just trying to be funny.” Sam said walking in.

“We didn’t mean any of it.” Paddy said.

“We promise. We love you and don’t want you to change. You are the glue that holds us siblings together. We love you just the way you are.” Harry added.

“Y/N, what we did is unacceptable, but will you forgive us?” Tom said.

“Yeah. The fact you figured out I was upset and figured out why on your own shows how much you care for me and how much you actually regret saying that. Of course I’ll forgive you.” You said smiling. “But let’s not play that game ever again. Or any like it.” You all laughed. The boys all piled onto your bed to watch the movie you were watching before they walked in.

#tom holland #tom holland sister #brother!tom holland #holland reader #holland!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x sister!reader #angst #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #y/n holland #brother!tom holland x sister!reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland angst #holland!sister

[firstdegreefangirl]

If you are open to Ted Lasso requests, then Roy Kent/Keeley Jones + sickfic and snuggles?

Oh, nonnie, this got WAY out of hand. But I had SO MUCH FUN writing it, so thank you! There's a lot going on at the beginning here, but I swear there are sickfic and snuggles under the break. I hope you like it!

Read the whole thing in one click HERE on ao3!

The morning gets off to a late start, right out of the gate. The team bus leaves late when they lose Nate again (this year they knew to check the luggage hold, but no one thought to look in the upstairs bathroom, where he was “looking for a little extra privacy, sorry”) and there’s more traffic than anyone could have predicted.

Altogether, it means that the team hardly makes it to Sheffield with time to drop their bags at the hotel before they’re due at the stadium for the game.

Roy tosses a duffel bag onto one of the double beds in the room he’s sharing with Ted tonight (not by choice; it turns out relegation means there’s not enough money in the team budget for all four coaches to have separate suites. Last away game, he and Nate had been roommates, but Ted has some big idea about everyone spending equal amounts of time together in the name of ‘equitable morale,’ and apparently coaching staff isn’t exempt.)

Really, he should have taken the job with SkySports.

At least then, he wouldn’t be pulling a furry green unicorn out of his bag and sitting it carefully by the pillows.

“Security object, Roy?” Ted points from across the room as Roy reaches for his phone. “Respect. No shame in a man seeking a little comfort from-”

“Fuck off,” he snaps, but there’s no real heat behind it. “Phoebe’s mad her mum wouldn’t let her come on a sleepover with the team this weekend. Asked me to bring Captain McKibbin along instead, the little idiot. I … promised to send pictures. As proof.”

“Hey, I get it. My boy’s done many a Flat Stanley in his day.” Clearly, Ted expects him to know what this means, so Roy nods if only to save himself the explanation. “Anyway, we’ve got to meet the fellas in the lobby, head over to the field – pitch.” A full year in, and Ted still struggles with the vernacular sometimes. It’d drive Roy nuts, if the guy hadn’t done so much to help him and his career. “Is, ah, will Captain McCarlson be joining us for the-”

“McKibbin. Captain McKibbin, and he will not. Phoebe says he can stay here, to ward off any bad dream monsters.”

“Well you be sure to let her know that I intend to sleep snug as a bug in a rug tonight. No, two rugs!” Tim points at Roy with both hands, then spins around and opens the door to the hallway.

He still hasn’t gotten a chance to catch up with Keeley before the match starts. She and Rebecca had driven out separately – something about girl talk and lattes – but he knows she’s around somewhere. The owner’s box is a little different everywhere they go, but never too terribly hard to find, and he catches a glimpse of her bright pink peacoat when he looks around during the opening lineup. She's sitting between Rebecca and Higgins, and as soon as she notices him watching, she waves happily. He lifts a hand in response, then tucks it back against his chest, turning back to the pitch and squaring his shoulders as the first half begins.

Richmond is playing well; Isaac has stepped up and really filled Roy’s shoes as captain, and all the lads are on the same wavelength, without having to say much of anything to one another. He hates to admit it, but Roy wonders if the seamless communication doesn’t have something to do with the scavenger hunt they’d hosted in the locker room last night. Ted had blindfolded half of the players, and made the other half sit on the bench and shout directions. The whole thing had been a mess, but then they’d passed around the bottle of vodka he’d stashed behind the clean boots as a prize, and everyone had left smiling. If that’s it, Roy can’t deny the results, but he’ll damn sure try.

That’s what he’s thinking about a few minutes later when he turns around again, looking for Keeley in the stands. He’s always looking for her, when he doesn’t have to be watching every second of the match. She’s almost always watching him right back, before he’s even looking at her. And half the time, he’ll feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. Even if he can’t check it until halftime, he knows it’s a comment on the quality of the plays, or the other team’s kits, or how much she likes the view of his ass from the box.

But now, when he looks, he can’t find her anywhere. He looks again, trying to pick her out in the sea of Richmond jerseys. Most of the faces are strangers, but he can distinguish between them. All the way at the top, where Keeley had been sitting before, it’s just Rebecca and Higgins now, an empty seat folded up between them.

Roy stares for a moment, waiting for her to reappear with a soft pretzel or something. But she doesn’t. Eventually, Rebecca catches his eyeline, and shakes her head. Her lips move, but there’s no way Roy can make out the words. All he knows is that Keeley has disappeared, and judging from Rebecca’s gesture, she’s been gone for more than a few minutes.

Something isn’t right; he can feel it in his stomach. And in his knee, but that’s more from the impending winter. The feeling about Keeley, that sits deep in his gut, twisting and knotting around his organs as he turns back to the pitch.

The lads are lining up the next play, but Ted, Nate and Beard are spread out along the sideline. Roy sidesteps around Beard, almost trips over Nate when he moves back just as Roy passes behind him, and finally comes to a stop next to Ted.

"Coach?”

“What’s up, Roy?” Ted doesn’t turn toward him, but he leans in Roy’s direction, and he knows he’s got the man’s full attention.

He hears the announcer take notice of his new position, the commentary echoing around them.

On Richmond’s side of the field, former team member turned coach Roy Kent is vying for the attention of head coach Ted Lasso. The players are lined up; what could he be saying?

But Roy doesn’t say anything. He just points, arms still folded across his chest, until Ted looks up to the stands behind them.

Both coaches now, looking up at the audience. Surely they’re not surprised at the show of support for the Richmond Greyhounds? They’ve sold out almost every game since their relegation …

The rest of the announcement fades to the background when understanding spreads across Ted’s face. Roy knows he’s seen the empty seat, knows he’ll understand the concern Roy can’t put into words. He raises an eyebrow when Tim looks back to his face, and the other coach nods.

“Just be in the locker room for halftime, yeah? The guys are countin’ on you for a speech to hype them up for the rest of the game.”

Roy jerks his chin up and down, then heads for the tunnel that’ll take him out of view of the crowds. The announcer’s voice comes behind him again.

Coach Kent, now heading off of the pitch. Makes you wonder what’s going on for the Greyhounds. Have they sent a coach away in the middle of a match, or did he ask to be excused? And why? But gameplay continues without him …

It’s only a few steps before he’s in the locker room, trying to shake off the memory of the last time he’d left the pitch before a match was up. It’s empty, no signs of another occupant, but the solitude gives him an opportunity to fish his phone out of his pocket.

No texts, no missed calls. Right away, he dials Keeley’s number.

If you’re looking for the PR Manager for the Richmond Greyhounds, leave a message for Keeley Jones after the beep. If you’re trying to reach your best friend Keeley for a round of drinks, hang up and text me. Oh, and Rebecca? If it’s too long to text, I’ll check my emails soon. Kisses!

“Oi, it’s me,” Roy all but grunts into the speaker when Keeley’s voicemail recording is done. “You’re not in your seat. Not that you have to be, but Rebecca hadn’t seen you, and I didn’t …” he trails off, suddenly afraid of sounding clingy and controlling. “Anyway, call me when you get this.”

He stares at his home screen after he hangs up, a selfie Keeley had nabbed his phone to take. He’s got an arm wrapped around her shoulders and his lips pressed against her temple, and her face is scrunched up in laughter. It’s ridiculous, the first time anyone but a blood relative has ever been his background, but he can’t help smiling at it, even as the worry knots itself tighter in his stomach.

When he can’t stand it any longer, he texts Rebecca.

You seen her?

Her reply is almost instant.

Not since she left. I have her coat, phone is in the pocket. Heard it ring.

Well, shit. She doesn’t have her phone, and as far as Roy knows, nobody has any idea where his girlfriend is.

But then there’s a sniffle from inside one of the toilet stalls. He’d know that sound anywhere; it’s the same noise Keeley makes every time they watch a Disney film together, right before he teases her for crying and she pokes fun right back at how he’s not.

He’d peered under the doors when he walked in, checking for feet, but he knocks on the stall anyway.

“Keeley?” He calls, pushing the door open slowly. Sure enough, she’s inside, sitting with her feet tucked up onto the seat, head wedged between her knees and hands clamped tightly around the back of her skull. “Babe, what’s going on?”

“It’s so … it’s so loud out there,” she whispers, but doesn’t look up. “All the yelling and shouting and cheering. It’s a good thing, I know, that the fans are engaged, but it was just pounding on my brain, making my eyes go all spotty. I tried to stick it out, Roy, really; I know how much these games mean to you, to the whole team. But then I felt like I was going to vomit and-” Keeley chokes on a sob. “I couldn’t find anywhere else quiet to go.”

“Right, well come on,” Roy reaches out slowly and squeezes one of her shoulders. “There’s got to be somewhere better to sit than a men’s toilet stall. You’ve met the lads, they’re disgusting.”

Keeley chuckles, thick and teary, but drops her knees and lets Roy pull her to her feet. As soon as she’s standing, she wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face in his chest. It can’t be too comfortable; he hasn’t taken off the Richmond windbreaker he wears for every game, but Keeley relaxes when Roy doesn’t push her away. Instead, he locks his arms around her shoulders and walks them both slowly back until he can drop onto one of the benches. Keeley stays leaned against him, but brings one hand up to cover her eyes where the harsh lighting seeps in.

“Alright, now, what is it?” Roy asks, when Keeley hasn’t said anything for a while. “You seemed alright when we left this morning.”

“I was. Or, I thought I was anyway. Just a little tired, maybe, but that was all. It was fine until the car ride, but then I got really queasy, and my head started throbbing.” Roy reaches up to scratch his fingers gently through her hair and she sighs. “It got a little better when we got out of the car, but then it was just so-”

“Loud, I know,” he finishes for her, then they both fall silent.

Exhaustion. Nausea. Headache. His sister had those symptoms once, just shy of eight years ago.

Shit.

“Keel. You don’t think you’re … You – we – couldn’t be … you aren’t …"

“What?”

“Um, pregnant? I know we’re careful, but …" Keeley cuts him off with a laugh that turns into a whimper, and he tightens his hold on her.

“No. Definitely not. Not this week, for sure. Just a migraine, I think. Used to get them sometimes, but it’s been a bit.”

“Good,” Roy sighs. “I mean, someday, maybe, but not …”

“Not yet,” Keeley agrees, and something goes warm in his chest, knowing that they’re on the same page. Right now, they don’t need to worry about anything except getting Keeley back in fighting shape.

“Have you taken anything?” She nods against his chest.

“This morning, um, in the car. It didn’t help much. Just need it dark. And quiet.”

“OK, that’s alright,” Roy whispers, dropping his voice even quieter. “It should be almost half, what say we find somewhere else for you to hole up before everyone comes barging in like heathens?”

He’s not sure exactly where they can go, but he knows he’s got to get Keeley out of the locker room before they clear the players off the pitch. She shrugs half-heartedly, and lets Roy pull her back to her feet. He doesn’t have a plan yet, but he starts walking them slowly toward the door as he looks around. There are no offices in here, no treatment rooms or storage closets.

He hasn’t checked the time since he found Keeley, but he’s played enough years of football that his body’s internal clock can feel the seconds ticking away. There’s maybe two or three minutes left, and Ted wants him to give the halftime pep talk. If he asked, if he explained everything, he could probably get out of it, maybe trade Beard for next week or something. Keeley needs him.

But the team needs him too.

All at once, it hits him.

Rebecca.

Rebecca doesn’t have a role in the halftime routine. There’s nothing happening on the field and she almost never comes to the locker room before the match ends. And she’s got a car here; that’s somewhere quiet Keeley can sit, at least until the second half gets underway.

He wiggles his phone out of his pocket again and reopens the text thread.

Found her in locker room. Migraine. Can you meet us and take her outside for halftime? Ted wants me to give speech.

Rebecca doesn’t reply, but a minute or so later, Roy hears the steady click-clack of her heels coming down the hall. Keeley whimpers, and he presses a kiss to her hair as the door swings open.

“Hey,” he says, shifting around to look at Rebecca.

“Hello,” she whispers back.

“Hey, Keeley, Rebecca’s here now,” Roy tips his face back down to whisper against the shell of her ear. “Think you can make it outside with her?”

“We can head back to the hotel, Keeley, if you think that’d help? It’s only a few minutes’ drive.”

“Yeah, ‘s quieter there,” she says, but doesn’t move.

“And I’ll meet you there just as soon as the match is done, hmm?” He runs his fingers up and down her arm, shifting away slightly. “Here, want to take my sunglasses, block out some of the light?”

At that, Keeley squeezes her eyes shut and turns her face up toward Roy. He chuckles and slides his glasses over her eyes, then brushes a kiss to the tip of her nose.

“Alright then, off you go,” He lets Rebecca take her by the arm and lead her back out of the locker room, trying to ignore the way his heart clenches at the sight of her trudging away, hunched over against her own discomfort.

He’ll be back with her soon enough. But the door has no more than swung shut behind them when it bounces open again. Jamie and Sam are leading the pack, the whole team piling in around him.

As usual, their energy is infectious, and Roy finds himself slapping hands and patting backs as he makes his way across the room to where Ted is bringing up the rear.

“Hey, Roy, you get everything all squared away?”

“For now. Rebecca’s taking Keeley back to the hotel; she’s not feeling well.” He should have known better than to hope that Ted Lasso would ever let anything drop with a simple explanation.

“Well that’d explain the text message I got from Boss Lady asking if she’d be alright rooming with me tonight.” Roy’s eyebrows go up at that. “And I’m guessin’ from the look on your face that she didn’t mention anything about that to you? Aw, geez, I hope I didn’t spoil a surprise or anything. But the cat’s out of the metaphorical bag now, isn’t it? So I might as well tell you that I told her that I was a-OK with switching up the room arrangements if that’s what’s best for everyone tonight. Thataways you can keep an eye on Keeley, and down the hall we can have Biscuits with the Boss: Evening Edition. How’s that sit with you?”

“Honestly, Ted, I have no opinion on what time of day you eat biscuits,” Roy sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “But thanks. I think. For making sure I can be there for Keeley.”

“We’re all on the same team here, right? What’s good for the goose and all that, we’re at our best when everyone is at their own, individual best. Hey, speaking of, there are some guys in here, waiting for someone to put a little extra pep in their step for the back end of this game. If you’re not up for it, I can see what Coach Beard has up his sleeve, or-”

“No, it’s fine,” Roy cuts him off before the rambling can reach full speed again. “I’ve got this one.”

He turns back to the group, and yells for everyone to listen up. When he’s got their attention, he takes a deep breath.

“What you’re doing on the pitch today, it’s fucking amazing,” he starts. “Not the score, though that’s pretty alright too. But that doesn’t matter half as much as how you’re playing. Hell, you assholes keep communicating this well, you’re going to put us coaches out of a job. I know Ted’s all about the rhymes and anecdotes and shit, but that’s not … I’m not a walking greeting card store,” everyone chuckles, Ted included. “But get back out there, keep working together, and dammit, make the four of us redundant!”

There’s a round of half-sarcastic applause, then Ted steps forward.

“Alright, y’all heard the man. Don’t get tired, get us fire—well, actually, don’t get us fired. That’s not … take the sentiment of what Roy said, but do me a favor and don’t take him literally. I like working with y’all. Anyway, Coach Beard’s gonna take it from here, walk y’all through a couple plays for the second half.”

The players cluster around Beard and his whiteboard diagram, and Ted finds his way back over to Roy at the back of the group.

“You know, if you need to head out a little early today, we can pull through without you. Sometimes a team is strongest when it’s split up to work on all the different things it needs to get done. Like taking care of each other.”

Any other day, he likes to think he’d insist on staying for the rest of the match. But if he’s honest with himself, he knows that he’ll put Keeley first anytime she needs him to.

“That’d be great, Ted. Thanks.”

“Hey, no problem, Roy. I’ll come check up on y’all when we get back?” Roy nods and shakes Ted’s hand quickly, then slips out of the locker room while Beard is saying something about the Sheffield players having “lots of power, like a high-watt light bulb.”

He doesn’t have a car, doesn’t feel like waiting on an Uber, so it’s a half-hour's walk back to the hotel. When he gets there, Rebecca is already waiting for him in the lobby.

“Ted gave me your room number,” she starts, as soon as they’ve said their hellos. “Keeley’s up there lying down. I, uh, I assumed yours was the bed with the unicorn on it?”

“It’s Phoebe’s,” he groans. “But yes.”

“I’m sure.” But she’s smirking like she might not be. “Anyway, Ted’s things are already taken care of, and I think I got everything of Keeley’s into your room, but she unpacked her entire suitcase first thing, so I might’ve missed some shoes or something.”

“No problem. She’ll get them back, I’m sure. Thanks for taking care of her.”

“Anytime, Roy. Really. I’m just down the hall, if either of you need anything.”

Roy nods his thanks and steps into the elevator.

He swipes his key card to unlock the door, then turns the handle and pushes it open slowly. The lights are turned off, and the curtains drawn, so he makes his way carefully, trying to remember if these rooms have any wayward furniture for him to stumble over.

Thankfully, the walkway is clear. He sits gently on the edge of his bed, smiling when the Keeley-shaped lump of covers shifts closer to him.

“Hey, babe,” she mutters.

“Hi,” Roy presses his lips together and pats what he thinks is probably her knee through the blankets. “Feeling better?”

“A little. Rebecca gave me water. And it’s quiet here.”

“Yeah, it is.” He’s not sure what else to say, but Keeley saves him from having to carry on the conversation.

“There’s a unicorn on your bed. ‘S soft.”

“His name is Captain McKibbin,” Roy replies, rolling his eyes even though he knows she can’t see from here. “I’ll tell Phoebe you like him.”

“Please do.”

“Anything else you need?”

“Just you,” she says, and it’s so quietly honest that if Roy weren’t already pretty sure he’s in love with her, it would have sealed the deal. He toes his shoes off and shimmies out of his windbreaker and trousers.

“Alright, well shove over then,” he teases, nudging her shoulder until there’s room for him to lie down beside her. When he pulls the covers back, he recognizes the hoodie she’s wearing as the one he’d crammed into the top of his bag when he packed last night. It’s three sizes too big, and she’s got one of her own just like it, but she looks far better in Roy’s than he ever will.

As soon as he’s lying down, Keeley is turning over and fitting herself against his side, tucking her face back into his bare chest. It’s still early in the evening, and Roy knows that if he falls asleep now, he’ll spend all week regretting it. But Keeley needs the rest, and there’s not much he can do without turning on the TV or lighting up his phone screen.

Besides, one afternoon nap never killed anyone, right?

So he closes his eyes and listens to her steady breathing. When Keeley wakes up, hopefully the worst of the migraine will have passed, and she’ll feel more like herself again. Roy knows they’ve got a pass on team bonding tonight, if they need it, and he doesn’t want to push Keeley into anything she’s not up for. But rumor has it that Beard found a pub with a bowling alley in it, and that’s bound to be entertaining, no matter the scores at the end of the night.

For right now, though, the only thing that matters is Keeley, curled up against him and warmer than all the blankets stacked on top of them. She’s asleep, and he’s following close behind, and nothing matters beyond the comfort they share.

Not migraines, or bowling, or trick plays, or shoes that might have been left down the hall, or anything but Roy and Keeley and this moment together, in the dark and the quiet.

Just them.

#thanks for the ask! #katie writes #anon love #ted lasso #roy x keeley #roy kent #keeley jones #phoebe #rebecca welton #kw21 #prompt fill #requested #just them

[blu-joons]

Home Away From Home ~ Lee Minho

As you ended the call, you couldn’t help but let a tear roll down your cheek, quickly wiping it away as you watched your family disappear from the screen. Slowly, you closed your laptop down, placing it underneath your bed frame.

You pulled the duvet a little tighter around yourself as you tried hard to fight back the tears, feeling the material of your pillow dampen. Your first Christmas not at home with your family was always bound to be hard, but you never imagined just how hard it would be.

As he walked up the stairs to grab a jumper from his wardrobe, Minho could hear the sniffles coming from your bedroom. He stopped in front of the door, leaning up to it he could tell straight away that something was wrong.

Quietly, he opened up the bedroom door where he saw you curled up tightly under the duvet, his heart shattered as you continued to shuffle, unaware that he had even opened the door, let alone perched himself on the end of the bed.

His hand reached out and rested against your foot as you turned back to face him, wiping under your eyes, offering him a weak smile. His smile matched your own, wishing more than anything that he could make all your tears disappear.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say as he moved to sit further up the bed, “I know it’s hard for you being away from them, is there anything I can do.”

Your head shook, turning onto your side to be able to face him. “I can’t believe it’s Christmas tomorrow and here I am crying, you must think I’m a right idiot.”

“I would never think that,” he assured you, brushing his hand over the top of your head. “I understand how hard it is for you, I’d hate to be so far away from my family for the holidays.”

You’d spent plenty of time away from your family before to be with Minho, but this time just felt so different. “I promise, I’ll pull myself together in a minute and we can get back to celebrating.”

“Take all the time in the world, I’m not going anywhere. And who cares if it’s Christmas Eve, it’s not Christmas yet, so you’ve still got a couple more hours to let go of all your tears.”

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you up to lay against his chest. “I wish that I didn’t have to cry, I’m a grown adult, I should be used to spending time away from home and being in Korea, but it just feels strange.”

“Your first Christmas away from home was always bound to feel a little bit strange.”

His hands continued to massage through your hair as your tears began to subside, sniggering at the damp patch you’d left on Minho’s white tee, forgetting all about the jumper he had intended to come upstairs to grab.

He’d spent enough time away from home himself to know that it never got easier, especially on special occasions. Birthdays, weddings, festivals, it all still hurt for him even if it was something that he had been doing for a few years now.

“Why don’t we settle downstairs and try and distract you?” He suggested, kissing the top of your head.

You nodded, glancing up at him. “That would be good, but didn’t you have plans with the boys tonight, you can’t cancel on them now, it’s far too late.”

“It’s not too late at all, I’m sure they’d understand.”

He climbed back out from under the duvet, reminding you to come back downstairs whenever you felt ready too. After finally getting the jumper he needed to save himself from the winter chill he had back downstairs and straight into the kitchen.

Once your tears had dried, you sat yourself up, grabbing one of Minho’s shirts to replace your tear stained one. You could hear plenty of banging downstairs as you walked around the bedroom, tidying it all up a bit.

After sending a quick message to the group chat with his members in it letting them know he wouldn’t be able to make it, he began to raid the cupboards for all the things he knew would put the smile back on your face whilst you enjoyed a movie together.

Eventually, you made your way back downstairs, settling on the sofa for the movie whilst you let Minho continue causing whatever chaos it was that he was messing around doing in the kitchen.

A few minutes later he appeared in the room, a bag of chocolate was hanging in his mouth whilst his two hands carried mugs of hot chocolate covered with as many of the trimmings he could find around the house, marshmallows, whipped cream, whatever you liked he had endeavoured to find to make sure you were happy.

You smiled appreciatively as he placed them down on the coffee table, making himself comfortable by your side. Instinctively you laid into him, feeling his arm wrap tightly around your body, making sure that you were relaxed.

“Thank you for doing this, it all looks so cute,” you hummed.

In response, a kiss was pressed to the top of your head as he used his teeth to tear open the chocolate bag, placing it between you both. Somehow, he’d even managed to find a spare bag of your favourite chocolates, pulling out all of the stops to try and cheer you up.

You could never completely forget about not being with your family for Christmas, but Minho was doing the best job in making sure you tried not to worry too much. “How did you manage to get so many of my favourites so quickly?”

“I had my ways,” he chuckled, refusing to share his secrets. “I told you that I’d do whatever I could to try and make you happy. So, in saying that, I think it’s only fair that you pick the movie that will see us through to Christmas day.”

“Are you excited for Christmas? I know it’s our first one together in Korea, but you’re also away from your family, and that can’t be easy either.”

He’d spent many Christmases away from his family as a part of Stray Kids it never really phased him anymore, as well as that, he’d spent a long weekend at home just a couple of weeks ago to make up for not being able to be home at Christmas to spend it together.

“Of course. I get to spend it with you, how could I not get excited about that?”

“I just wondered, maybe I am overreacting a little bit.”

His head shook, pressing his hands to the side of your face to make sure that you were looking at him. It was impossible for you to overreact in such a situation, he knew exactly how you were feeling and sympathised entirely with you.

“Do you know how hard my first Christmas was away from home?” He asked, not expecting an answer. “I cried for most of the day that Chan ended up having to ring my mum to calm me down, it’s just like with anything else, it gets easier with time. I know how you’re feeling, I was the same, you’ve just got to find all the positives out of the situation, like being able to be here with me.”

You sniggered at his comment, poking against his hip. “I guess that is a pretty good reason for me to look forward to being here.”

“Exactly, and it might not seem like it yet, but it does get easier,” he assured you, kissing against your forehead delicately. “It’s just like the first day you moved out here to be with me, you were a mess, but you persevered and now you’re fine. We can ring your family when time zones match, and I promise that I’ll give you the best day ever to make sure that you still enjoy Christmas as much as you do every year.”

You settled your head against his chest, embracing the soft feel of the jumper that he wore. “Thank you for always being there for me, I’m really glad to be spending Christmas with you. I hope you know that Minho.”

“I do, and I’m glad that you’re here with me too. But if you don’t hurry up pick a film, there will be trouble,” he joked, brightening up the mood like he always did, “it’ll be bedtime before we get around to watching anything.”

“Let’s just stick on whatever, we probably won’t pay that much attention to it anyway.”

“Is it me or has Christmas come early,” he seductively whispered into your ear.

“I was thinking more about all this chocolate we have to eat, but whatever floats your boat babe.”

---

Masterlist

#stray kids #stray kids imagine #minho #lee minho #minho imagine #lee minho imagine #stray kids scenario #stray kids reaction #stray kids drabble #stray kids one shot #stray kids fluff #lee know #lee know imagine #minho reaction #minho scenario #minho drabble #minho one shot #minho fluff #skz #skz imagine #kpop #kpop imagine

[yeaahishowedupatyourparty]

bella’s diary: entry 1: love. 

this entry’s for you, dad. 

i don’t know if you’ve ever heard but i’ve tried to talk to you a lot since you’ve been away. though, i don’t think there’s ever been a time i’ve managed to say everything i’ve wanted to without getting tongue-tied or feeling stupid. praying isn’t my speciality; you shaped this family into a lot of things, but religious has never been one of them. so, here i am wondering if our hereditary skill of the written word will do be justice...worth a shot, right? 

i’ll start with the obvious. i miss you.  september 22nd came and went and for twenty-four hours, people dared to talk about you. anastasia, mason, leo, brody, miles...even mum. they actually found the time for us all to come together. and then the 22nd ended & it was almost as if it never happened. you’re on my mind everyday, though. i hope you know that. 

anyway, now that you’re dead i’ve been meaning to ask you if reincarnation and life after death exists? because i have a theory about myself; it goes something along the lines of me exploiting love so severely in a past life that i’ve been reincarnated with the punishment of love being the most painful thing in this life.

this life has given me sixteen years with my #1 man, my first love, only to tear him away before it could be seventeen. the crazy thing is, sixteen years is a long time to most people; it’s enough time to take a newly born baby and drag them into very young adulthood. for us, it was sixteen birthdays, sixteen christmases, hundreds of school runs and about a bijillion late night conversations in your office. 

yet, i look at the eighteen years miles got, the twenty-three brody got, the twenty four mason got, the twenty-five leo got and the twenty-six anastasia got, and can’t help but feel cheated. somehow, the ten years between stass and i were full of incredible memories of you that i’ll never be able to paint myself into. it isn’t their fault, a part of me will forever hate them for it. 

time works in crazy ways because sixteen years wasn’t enough but you’ve been gone for just two and it’s been two too many, dad. how is that possible? brody’s a dad, mason almost was, anastasia lives here now and miles and leo hate each other. you’ve missed all of that. 

i finally met lawson and as soon as i did, i understood why you picked him. he reminds me of the version of you that mum still gushes about; twenty-something, blue-eyed and charming. had you not died, i think i could easily love him just how you wanted me to. tolerate his smart ass comments with a strained smile, hold his hand at events and follow wherever he led us in life. 

if i still had your love, playing with romance would feel more appealing. i’m ungrateful, i know. so many girls are looking for that young, slightly arrogant, sparkly eyed, ambitious boy to run in and sweep them off their feet so that they can start writing their love story together. just like you & mum..

but that’s the problem, you see. finding someone when you’re young leaves you so many pages to write together, so many scenes to build in the reels and reels of blank film dedicated especially to the two of you. it’s all fun and games until one of you dies, isn’t it?

look at mum now; forty-something with a whole lifetime ahead of her without you. you were her world and now that you’re gone, her best years are behind her no matter what she does. now i listen to her cry every night when she thinks miles and i are sleeping; i cry with her. 

if life is nice enough to bless our family with health and abundance, then this is the rest of my life now. i’ll cry for you until grandma & grandpa die, then i’ll cry for the three of you. mum’s time will come and i’ll cry for her too. then, anastasia...leo...mason...brody...miles...i’ll be crying until it’s just me. until i’ve cried over this family so much that the sadness becomes resentment. 

why on earth would i want to be with lawson & accept my fate as his widow one day? after working through life together the way you want us too. then, our youngest child will sit in their bedroom and listen to me cry until no sound comes out...and they’ll do the same to their youngest too, and before you know it, we’ve started a generational curse that never had to happen.

joel is 46, my teacher and somebody i think you’d absolutely love if we didn’t have sex on friday night. out of context, you’d probably have him down as someone to take to the pub or play a few rounds of golf with. even if he isn’t and you’re sitting somewhere thinking what a jackass, i’m pretty sure i’m in love with him. he’s the man i see myself doing the whole love thing with. 

i know, hypocritical. if we’re being morbid about it, being with him will make me a weeping widow quicker than being with lawson will...but it’ll be easier, because no matter how long we have together; i’ll never be his first. he’s done the whole buying a first home, being a first time dad, getting married thing. 

he has hindsight and he knows love before me.  he’ll never look at me and let the feeling take him over so aggressively that he makes a stupid decision.  he’ll never get down on one knee with shaking hands. he’ll never yell at me because i’ve upset him and he’s new to it all.  he’ll never be broke and take me on a date in our living room lit by candles because he forgot my birthday. 

good. 

i don’t want the sentiment because the cruelest thing about human beings is that they give it you knowing full well one day, when they have to leave for whatever reason, it’ll turn into grief and you’ll have to lug it around for the rest of your life. 

just like leo will do to harper just like mason will do to kendall just like brody will do to disney  just like you did to mum  just like lawson would no doubt do to me given the chance. 

with joel, i get to play the calm after his great love expired. it’s peaceful. we’re happy. 

i’m happy.

i hope you’ll forgive me for that.

#itsbella #bella x joel #bella x lawson #bella x james #bella x patricia #bella x leo #bella x anastasia #bella x mason #bella x brody #bella x miles

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and Go to London chapter 19

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress, musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and  breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air, escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there  she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 (smut)

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 (smut)

Chapter 8 (smut/roleplay)

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 (smut)

Chapter 13

Chapter 14 (smut)

Chapter 15

Chapter 16 (smut/ s&m) Chapter 17

Chapter 18 (fluff-smut)

Triggers:   self-loathing; crying.

Tag list:  Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank  you    so  much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too  ☺️   (I    think  I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to  tag     you, tell me ☺️   ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo   constip8merm8     penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming   alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira   @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog   @lunedelorient​  @michelle-1185​  @madbaddic7ed​     @summersong69​

The day that you had waiting since you started dating Henry finally arrived. It was May 5th, his birthday. You wanted to make that day as special for him as possible. Your plans before quarantine included a big surprise party. You were going to invite his friends from London, other friends that you thought might show up if they weren't busy - like Armie, Luke and Jason; his family and people who worked with him in The Witcher. You were pretty excited about it, but eventually, your plans went to hell once it was announced that you needed to remain isolated until further notice. But you wouldn't let that ruin his day. You woke up early to prepare him a nice breakfast and start to prepare the necessary ingredients that you'd later need to make lunch. He already prepared his birthday cake the day before. You ordered a few presents for him online and hid it with the summer clothing that you had to buy online since you'd only brought winter clothing to London. You put a collection action figure of one of his favourite online games and put it on a little gift bag and tightened it to Kal's collar, with a little tag that read "Happy Birthday Daddy, love Kal". You put a few new books for him to read in a box, next to a cool Superman t-shirt and a teacup with the logo of World of Warcraft. Inside the box, you also added a drawing of him and Kal that you made for him in the previous weeks while he was playing games. It's been a minute since you last draw something, but you surprised yourself to see how incredibly real it looked given the lack of practice. When Henry woke up, the first thing that greeted him was a nice breakfast on the bed with you and Kal. He was so happy with Kal's gift and the fact that you decided to include him. After you'd finished eating, you went into the living room to check the rest of the gifts. He loved every single one, especially the drawing. He was really impressed and immediately put it on next to the pictures that he had with his best buddy. You cuddle in the couch and kissed for a while. He couldn't stop smiling you were on cloud nine. Your plans were working perfectly and his day started the best way and you intended to make it amazing till the end. Around 11 am you decided to start making lunch. In the meantime, he was in a room that he was using as an office for work and playing games, having a birthday party with his family over a popular app called zoom. You were not part of it, because even though his family knew about you since the beginning - Charlie accidentally told their mom about it when you were dating unofficially- they hadn't met you yet. Quarantine not only had screwed your plans but his as well. He was going to Jersey in the second week of that month for the Durrell Challange - a marathon organized by the Durrell Wildlife Conservation Trust with the intentions of to help raise money for them to be able to continue saving animals- and he was going to take you with him to introduce you to his family. - So, where is the lovely lady you cannot stop talking about? - his mum asked him. She was alongside her husband. In the chat room, there was also Charlie and two precious kids; some of his older nephews were there as well; his brother Simon and Pierce were there as well. His other brother Nick was missing from the chat because he had things to deal with regarding his work in the Royal Marines. - She's cooking; she wanted to prepare a special lunch for my birthday - he explained. - When are we going to meet her? - asked the woman curiously - Well, probably in September for the Durrell Challenge. After quarantine, I have to get back to filming the series and I don't think I'll have time to fly there before that date and she has a movie to film after this, probably will in July if quarantine is over by then, after travelling to America is allowed again. - Is there a chance that she could join us now? I don't want to wait so long to see her. - she insisted. Henry asked them to wait as he stood up and went to see you. He found you and told you that his mom wanted to meet you. You accepted but you were nervous. Your ex's mother loved you and treated you as her daughter, but in the same time, as much as Jared loved his mother, he didn't pay much attention over what she could think about his desitions. Henry, on the other hand, you felt like his mom's words were holy. What if she didn't like you? What if his family didn't like you or wanted you with him? That thought scared you because you knew that his family was the most important thing for him. You tried to hide your emotions and act normal. You entered the room and shyly waved at them and sat on the chair Henry had left for you to sit on when you watched him play games. - Hi sweety, how are you? - his mother greeted you. She was beautiful. - I'm Henry's mom, nice to finally meet you. We could not stop hearing wonderful things about you. Quite an impressive young lady. - she remarked and you blushed. - Thank you. I'm great! Thank you for asking. How are you? Hi everyone! - you saluted the rest of the family members. Everyone said "Hi" back. They seemed nice. - I'm beyond excited to meet you and a little sad because my baby is growing so fast- she said looking at Henry, who laughed at the comment. - Mom, I'm 37. I stopped being a baby a long time ago- Henry pointed out, grinning. - You will always be my baby. The five of you will forever be babies in my eyes. Babies but also wonderful men. And I'm so proud of each of you. - So tell me more about you, darling. - she pleaded. You told them about your parents and that you had an older brother. - Do you have any nephews? - No, my brother does not want to have kids and his single, so I don't see it happening and even if he changes his mind about it, is not happening in a close future. - you informed her. - Well, if he doesn't have kids, at least they still have you to give them grandkids.- she replied smiling. Henry said "mom" and gave her a look, indicating she said something she shouldn't have said. You looked at the floor and thought "shit". You sighed and spoke again - Actually, I'm not sure.- you confessed.- I have had a conversation with Henry about this. I'm not sure I want kids. I never did before. Henry was lovely and granted me time to think about it; to talk it with my therapist to see if that's something I can do because I'd like to make him happy and for him to have his kids someday. That's why I assured him that if I decide in the end that I definitely cannot have children, I'll set him free to find another person who does. I'll never take away that from him. So don't worry, you'll be a grandma again someday.- you said and faked a smile when in reality you wanted to cry because you knew that they probably thought you were awful. You excused yourself to go check on the food and said goodbye to everyone. Once you were alone in the kitchen, you let the tears fall quickly, just in case Henry showed up. You couldn't ruin his special day. You couldn't be selfish and let your feeling messed up his mood. He had to have an amazing day. Henry showed up a little bit later. You were checking on the food. He kissed you on the back of your head and hugged you. - She shouldn't have made that comment. - he apologized. - She didn't say anything wrong. I'm with you. She knows you want kids, so she assumed that I wanted them too. It wasn't her fault that I'm a big baby that gets emotional about everything.- Great! You didn't want to screw up his day and now tears were rolling down your cheeks. He hugged you and kissed you head while you rested on his chest. - I wanted her to like me and now she probably hates me. She probably thinks I'm the worst girlfriend that you've ever had and thinks that I'm making you waste your time when you could be with a woman that knows for sure that wants kids. I'm so sorry! For everything! I'm the worst. I'm not sure I can make your biggest dream come true and I'm also ruining your day. He cupped your face with his hands and made you look at him. - You're not the worst. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never felt this happy in my life. I love you like I never loved anyone before. And you didn't ruin my day at all. The day has just begun, we had all the rest of the day to laugh and have a great time together. And my mom doesn't hate you, babe. She felt sorry for making a comment that made you felt uncomfortable. She apologized after you left. - She shouldn't. She didn't say anything wrong. She's so sweet and loves you so much. I want her to like me. I want all of your family to like me, but her above all. - you admitted - And I'm sure she does and she'll like you, even more, when you got a chance to meet her in another circumstance that isn't being in a chat with a bunch of strangers to you, looking at you like if you were a new animal at the zoo that they're seeing for the first time. You said that you're a big baby but that's not the case; you're a perfect functioning woman forced to talk to lots of people that you didn't know. I shouldn't have put you in that situation. That was my bad. I wanted to introduce you one by one, so you got a chance to be looser and not anxious. I'm sorry. - Don't apologize, baby. I love you.- you said and then kissed him. He was beyond wonderful. You cleaned your face and grabbed his hand and walked him to the living room. Your guitar was there, so you grabbed it and settled in the couch next to him. You told him that you had another birthday gift for him and then started to play the song you wrote for your boyfriend.

I've never gone with the wind, just let it flow Let it take me where it wants 'Til you opened the door, there's so much more I've never seen it before I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings But you came along and you changed everything

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier crazier crazier

I watched from a distance as you made life your own Every sky was your own kind of blue And I wanted to know how that would feel And you made it so real You showed me something that I couldn't see You opened my eyes and you made me believe.

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier, crazier, crazier oh

Baby you showed me what livin' is for I don't wanna hide anymore

You lift my feet off the ground You spin me around You make me crazier crazier Feels like I'm falling and I'm, I'm lost in your eyes You make me crazier, crazier, crazier Crazier, crazier

He took the guitar from your hands as soon as you finished playing the song, made you sit of his lap and looked directly into your eyes. Without saying a single word, he said everything: he was as crazy for you as you were for him.

Disclaimer: in the fiction, she wrote the song for him. In reality the song belongs to Taylor Swift (for the Hannah Montana movie soundtrack) the song is called Crazier.

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #demivampirew

[peteywillproceed]

Hot Mess

Author’s Note: I really don’t know what this is, but I had fun writing it! If you’ve heard Hot Mess by Cobra Starship you will know EXACTLY where this came from! I’d just like to say thank you for everyone’s lovely comments, you guys really are so so sweet! Anyway, hope you enjoy! x

Summary: A party you never expected to attend turns into more than you could’ve believed.

Word Count: 3,612

You peaked through the slats in the blinds, glancing up the street as the familiar roar of the engine rumbled in your ears. Electric blue streaked towards your house, the speed totally inappropriate for your tiny road, but the face behind the wheel was set with a shit eating grin and it sent shivers down your spine.

Tom made it look so effortless, one hand carelessly on the wheel, the other running through his mass of brown curls. He was chewing something today, drawing your eye to the way his tongue ran deliciously over his lips, and you stared mesmerised as he swung into a gap in the street and pulled out his phone.

Your pocket buzzed, and you disappeared from the window, knowing exactly what the text said.

Running your hands one last time over your dress, you fled down the stairs and out onto the street, barely remembering to lock up behind you. The car door slammed somewhere across your road and you spun on your heel, stuffing the keys into your pocket, and catching sight of Tom leaning against the open passenger seat.

“Well, hello darling,” he drawled, and you felt heat creep into your cheeks.

“Hello yourself, Thomas,” you winked, walking towards him and pointing at the open door “How polite of you.”

“Wouldn’t get used to it, mum told me to be nice today.”

“How sweet, still doing what mummy dearest tells you.”

You laughed as he clicked his teeth, sliding onto the expensive leather and spreading your skirt across your legs. He’d left the air con on and goosebumps rose on your arms whilst he shut the door behind you and crossed round to the other side. You took a moment to run your eyes over him, privately enjoying the way the crisp, white shirt stretched across his chest, his fingers fiddling with the cuff links as he moved. He was wearing the navy suit you’d only seen him wear at weddings, and you wondered what could be so important he had to drag his ex-girlfriend out of bed at eight o’clock on a Sunday night.

Plenty of people had asked how you knew Tom, especially when they saw he was still your phone background. Mostly, you played it off as simply knowing him through school, and very few people actually knew the truth. For about two years whilst Tom had been filming Homecoming, you’d been seeing him privately, neither of you wanting to make a big deal out of it considering the circumstances. It had ended mutually enough, although you still wished you hadn’t spent those three weeks crying, and you’d been friends for a good three years by this point.

Never, though, had he asked to see you so urgently.

“So you gonna tell me what’s so important I have to curl my hair, Tommy?” You arched your eyebrow as he climbed into the car and threw you a look.

“Y/n, since when have you called me Tommy?”

“Since I want to know why I’m not in bed!”

He sighed, gunning the engine and shoving the car in reverse. Slamming his foot on the accelerator, you shot out of the space and down the road, swinging round corners and passing red lights like road rules meant nothing. Yeah, you hadn’t missed his driving.

“It’s a stupid party my mum’s organising, I couldn’t think of anyone else to bring.”

“You? Multi-millionaire ladies’ man Tom Holland didn’t know who to bring?” You scoffed as he hit your leg.

“Hey! When you’re hot shit you’ve got choice!” he protested.

“More like hot mess,” you pointed out, and he pursed his lips.

“You liked it enough when we were dating.”

“And that’s precisely why we are no longer dating.”

He laughed, glancing over to you as the city lights raced by. Truth was, you might have been the one to end things, but you’d never lost what you felt. Anytime you saw him on the cover of some glossy magazine, posing for the next promotional poster, you felt the familiar tug on your heart strings, the constant sting of the reminder of what you’d given up. But then he said stuff like that, and you wondered why you’d even cared in the first place.

“God, I wish we could do anything else right now,” Tom groaned, throwing his head back against the head rest as he brought the car to a halt at a red light. You gulped, tracing your eyes over the rippling skin, and tore your eyes away before they betrayed you.

“Well, what’s stopping us?” You shrugged, reaching over for the radio and turning the knob. “God, what is this shit?”

“That’s good music I’ll have you know,” Tom slapped your hand away and the car shot forward. You grabbed your seat, watching nervously as the speedometer climbed slowly past the sixties, into the seventies, until it was just a blur of small, white numbers, and Tom was laughing in your ear.

“I forgot you hate my driving, darling.”

When you didn’t respond, he simply smirked and pushed his foot further on the accelerator, rock music blaring louder in the background, and you wondered if that would be the soundtrack to your death. “If you’re going to crash, please put the tree through your half of the window.”

“I’m not sure I can control physics, darling.”

“Call me darling one more time and I’ll prove to you I can.”

Tom laughed at that one, and a warm, fuzzy feeling you hadn’t felt in a long time crept through your veins. It was slow, but it felt like you were vibrating against the seat, and you could barely focus as he turned the car onto a mountain road and you started climbing into the sky.

“What’s this party even for, anyway?” you murmured, long nails digging into your palms to distract you from the way he bit his lip.

“The Brother’s Trust, we’re trying to get new donations for a hospital, there’s only a couple of grand to go.”

That stopped you, confusion hitting you like a truck. “What?”

“Darling, you spent two years with me, I’m not that much of a selfish bastard y’know.”

You nodded, processing the information. This dude, this annoying, frustrating, uptight dude had helped to raise enough money for a hospital, and you had simply missed it. The warm fuzzy feeling was back, and you almost groaned at how much your body ached to stand next to him, inexplicably drawn to the way his fingers curved around the steering wheel. You were still blitzing down a narrow road, but the scenery had faded until you were only focused on him, and nothing else. Maybe you were going crazy after all.

After what felt like an age, Tom swung into a bay in front of a brightly lit restaurant with people streaming in through the front doors. You’d spent the rest of the trip mostly in silence, until Tom had asked you to pass him his phone, and you’d laid into him about the dangers.

“Ready, darling?” he appeared on your side, arm held out to help you out of the car, and you couldn’t help the roll of your eyes.

“Still trying, Thomas?”

“Always.”

Loud, vibrant music pulsed through the glass doors, urging your body to move to the beat the minute you stepped into the room. Hundreds of people littered the dance floor, dressed in evening gowns of all shapes and colours, and you suddenly felt underdressed, your simple, white outfit feeling too boring.

“You look beautiful,” Tom whispered against your ear, sending shivers across your body.

“Am I even going to know anyone here?” you asked, trying to push the thoughts that were running wild in your mind to one side.

“Sam, Harry, Paddy, my parents maybe. I think some of the cast might be here somewhere…” he trailed off, casting his eyes round the room when you were suddenly grabbed by the elbow and let out a small shriek.

“You must be Y/n!” a face you placed instantly appearing in front of you. “I’m Zendaya, Tom has told me so much about you!”

She pulled you in tightly for a hug, and you let out a strangled chuckle and glanced nervously at Tom. “He has?”

“Oh yeah, tonnes!” she beamed, and now you were really confused. Who talked about their ex-girlfriend voluntarily?

Behind you, Tom cleared his throat, and a jolt of surprise ran through you to see the blush evident on his cheeks. “Daya,” he greeted, kissing her on the cheek “Do you have to be taller than me every time I see you?”

“Grow then!” she replied, turning back to you with a grin “I’m far more interested in Y/n!”

“You are?” you asked, but before the actress could reply you were interrupted by two familiar, boyish faces, and the exasperated sigh of the one trying to shepherd them.

“Y/n!” Harry yelled, nearly jumping on you in excitement “I didn’t know it was you Thomas was bringing!”

“Neither did I until yesterday,” you laughed, embracing them in turn. “Nicki, it’s so good to see you!”

“You too, Y/n,” she smiled, although she sounded confused as she shot Tom a wary glance. “I think we’re all surprised to see you! I told Tom to bring a date!”

“Mum!” Tom hissed, and you laughed nervously.

“It’s fine, I’m just here to support Tom. I had no idea you guys had raised so much money!”

“Well it’s mostly due to Thomas,” Sam shrugged, punching his brother in the shoulder “not all of us have twenty three million women running after us.”

“And men, don’t forget them,” Tom winked, and everyone burst into laughter.

“Speaking of, is Jacob here tonight?” Zendaya cut in, and you suppressed a giggle as Harry turned to gawp at her.

“Err…some…somewhere,” he stuttered, and you nudged Tom with a smirk. He seemed to have clocked it too, narrowing his eyes at the exchange as Zendaya remained blissfully unaware.

“Great, imma go find him and make sure he’s not drunk off his arse yet,” she grinned, waving as she raced away across the dance floor, pulling Nicki with her.

“If you’re going to try and sleep with my co-workers, mate, I’m gonna need a few more drinks,” Tom look pointedly at Harry, who was still staring after Zendaya’s fading back.

“I wasn’t!” Harry protested, and you shook you head.

“Yeah right!”

“Oi, shush you! Just because Tom’s totally into you again does not give you the right to rat me out!”

You started laughing at first, not realising what he’d said, but the stunned silence quickly had you trailing off as you ran the words back through your head and it hit you like a tonne of bricks. “What did you say?”

“Oh, nothing,” Harry backtracked, thrusting a clear liquid into Tom’s hand and backing away. “Enjoy the party you two!”

You turned to Tom, arms folded across your chest as the boys disappeared, seeing embarrassment written across his face. “What did you tell them, Tom?”

“Nothing, I swear!” he gulped down the liquid and tossed the cup in the bin. “They’re just idiots.”

You frowned, surprised at the disappointment that coursed through your veins. When Harry had said it, you couldn’t deny the spark of hope that had lit in your chest. But before it could spark into a fire, Tom quenched it with just a few words, and you suddenly felt deflated.

“Well can I at least get a vodka and coke then? If I’m gonna deal with that bullshit all night, I wanna be at least a little drunk.”

Maybe, if you let the alcohol take over, you’d forget about the tingles that shot through you every time Tom smiled at you.

***

You lost track of time pretty quickly after that, spending most of the evening wrapped round Zendaya’s arm. You were sure it was early morning, but you’d thrown back too many shots to care, and now you were on the dancefloor whilst some pop song blared in the background and you shook your body to the beat.

“You seriously can’t dance!” Zendaya yelled over the music, and you threw your head back with laughter.

“Tom says that toooooooooo!”

She raised an eyebrow, smirking dangerously. “I thought you two were broken up?”

“Oh we are!” you giggled, too drunk to notice the implication in her voice. “But we’re still friends!”

“Babe, that’s what they all say.”

The song was slowly fading out into something much sultrier and darker, and you froze, feeling eyes on you from somewhere in the room. You spun around wildly to see Tom watching you from across the bar, hair splattering across your face and sticking against your slightly damp forehead.

You waved happily whilst Zendaya laughed next to you, but Tom’s eyes were still fixed on you, and a wave of cockiness washed over you. It was the way he looked in that God damned suit, clean lines off set by his mess of curls, and you couldn’t help but imagine the way you’d move against him if he were right next to you. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe the feeling had always been there, but now you were running your hands over your dress and trying to lose yourself in the music, hoping he’d take the hint.

The lights had dimmed and you were sure nobody could see, but so what if they did? You couldn’t keep denying how you felt about Tom, and it was about time you let your hair down. So when the warm hands wrapped around your waist, you sank back into his chest and gave in to the feeling that was so familiar yet completely alien.

“Thomas,” you whispered, gently moving your waist against his grip.

“Y/n,” he replied, bending down till he was whispering in your ear. “Just exactly how much have you had to drink?”

You giggled, not sure whether you were drunk on Tom’s whispers or the alcohol. “Not a loooottttt.”

“You mean to tell me you were eye-fucking me from over here whilst completely sober?”

You knew you couldn’t answer him without giving away just how fast your heart was beating right now, and instead you spun to face him, looping your arms around his neck, and taking pride in the look of shock that passed over his face. You pressed your forehead against his, wondering just how much you’d regret this come morning, and let out a breathy sigh.

“Cat got your tongue?” he whispered, but it came out more like a stutter. You moved your hips in time to the music, casting a quick glance over your shoulder to make sure nobody was looking over at you.

“Just want a little dance,” you winked, moving his hands so they cupped your hips.

Silence stretched between you, neither one of you breaking the eye contact, determined not to be the first one to give in. You trailed your hand down Tom’s chest, hearing him suck in a breath as you moved lower, and you smirked, suddenly remembering why.

“I forgot you were ticklish, Tommy.”

“I suggest you don’t go there, I’d rather not make a scene.”

You bit your lip, looking up through your eyelashes and held Tom’s gaze. You tried not to get distracted by the pools of brown or the smug smirk that stretched across his face, instead focusing on the way he moved against you. You felt sparks of electricity race through you, lighting little fires that burnt every fibre of you skin. Hot desire spread like wildfire to your toes and back, finally falling into place in the little pit you tried desperately to forget about. But when his hands slid below your waist and squeezed your butt, you were a gonner.

Suddenly, your lips collided with his, and for a moment you couldn’t tell who was kissing who. You were tangled together, moving like it was your last few days on the Earth, and you clung to him like he was your oxygen. It was intense yet familiar all at once, and you wondered why you had ever let this, him, go. You were breathless and desperate, barely fighting him as he backed you up against the wall and pressed his body further against yours.

“Is this okay?” he whispered, and you glanced nervously over his shoulder.

“Can they see us?”

It was dark in the corner, and you were pretty sure nobody would notice two bodies tangled together in the dusty nooks of a random restaurant. But even with your heart beating out of your chest and your brain alight with a thousand naughty thoughts, you knew you needed to be careful. There was a reason you’d ended it in the first place; you didn’t need to end up in the papers now.

“I don’t think so,” he dropped his voice, but he seemed to think better of kissing you again. Instead, he grabbed your hand and tugged you towards an open door, pushing you inside and locking it behind him.

Before you could think, he’d gathered you in his arms again and pinned you against the door, his hands wandering across your body. You didn’t fight it, giving in to the familiar touch and hot breath against your cheeks; you wondered how red you were, suddenly grateful for the lightless cupboard you’d stumbled into. You let your hands fall to his trousers, fumbling with his belt until he grabbed your wrist and jerked back.

“Wait.”

The look in his eyes was urgent, and you felt foolish, feeling heat flare across your body. “Sorry, I, uh, I thought, uh, actually I don’t know what I thought.”

“No, no, it’s not that I don’t want to,” his words came out in a rush, and you stifled a laugh. Even now, three years older but still a complete idiot, he’d always be a dork. “It’s just…you ended things because of this. You didn’t want to be public. Why now?”

You were tempted to say it was the alcohol messing with your head, that by morning this would all be over, neither of you would remember anything, and you’d go about your business like normal. Except he was staring at you like a man possessed, and you couldn’t deny the desperation you saw there. And what about you? You couldn’t just forget about the way he made you feel, the small sparks he set you alight with anytime his skin touched yours. And kissing him just then had felt like you were floating so high you wouldn’t come back down. Giving all that up, all over again, felt like way too much.

At least if you told him now, there was chance.

“I’m still in love with you,” you blurted, and you could swear his eyes lit up. And then, much quieter “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

He was quiet for a moment, until he brought his lips to yours and placed the lightest, sweetest kiss you’d ever felt against your skin. He gripped your chin, fingers gently holding you in place, and pulled back so your noses touched, and your fingers were interlocked.

“Well that’s good then,” he nodded, and you practically melted under his touch. “Because neither did I.”

Then his lips were back on yours and you were kissing once more, fire scorching your nerves and the feeling in your core sending forks of lightning through your back. You were completely and utterly lost in the feeling of him, caught in his headlights as the taste of vanilla and mint filled your body.

As he started tugging at your dress and his lips moved to your mouth, you knew you were done in, and if this moment meant you gave your heart away, then so be it. His smell was so intoxicating you were melting with every stroke, every kiss, and you wondered if this was what it felt like to be high.

Slowly, as you sank to the floor, you ran your hand through your hair and wondered how you’d let this all become so fucked up, when it had always been so simple. You knew how you looked right now, and you didn’t care; this was what you’d wanted, and there was no way you were letting this go.

“You’re a mess, y/l/n,” Tom whispered, fingers slipping over smooth fabric, and it was almost too good an opportunity to miss. With a sultry smile, you leant forward, choking back a moan as you placed your mouth near his ear.

“A hot mess, actually Holland,” you hummed.

Then you were lost, falling completely into him as you made the choice that would change everything.

And you just didn’t care.

 Taglist

@zabdisamor @jinxfanfics

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smut #tom holland au #tomholland!au #peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fanfic #tom holland fanfic #tom holland one shot #oneshot #peter parker one shot #au #peter parker smut #fluff #angst #tom holland fluff #peter parker fluff

[7deadlycinderellas]

No more math and history, ch7

Ao3 link

Second session comes to a close. 

Hide and seek only takes two hours this year (Arya long ago found the best hiding place, underneath the kitchen employees snack table behind the mess hall, but Clegane rats her out this time). The Wizard of Oz goes off with no stage fright and no flubbed lines, and only one munchkin who has to run off to the latrines prematurely. 

The dance comes, and Arya even wears a skirt for it.

The dance is over now, and around the campfire the lingering counselors have plundered the prize smuggled in yesterday in Loras’s truck - two whole cases of beer. There wasn’t enough to go around for anyone to really get drunk but most of them were at least nursing a bottle. If no one got in trouble, Brienne would be none the wiser.

Most of the unit counselors have left, begrudgingly. They’ll get their revenge when everyone at activities has to work tomorrow all day when the kids are gone. Meera had taken one bottle and snuck off for solitude. Ygritte had grumbled the whole dance, she was stuck on lights out patrol the last night of session. Bran left too, laughing that alcohol and wheelchairs didn’t mix. 

All around the campfire, everyone’s drinking their beer, laughing and singing.

Arya and her companions are off to one side, and a couple are still fixated on the skirt. 

She holds out the ends of the fabric, showing Shireen. 

“I pretty much live in jeans and sweaters and hoodies up north. I haven’t worn a skirt or dress voluntarily since my junior school days when we had uniforms. Well about a year and a half ago I tore the knees out of my favorite jeans. I was going to throw them away, but Sansa fished them out, cut the inseams and patched the gaps with one of our dad’s old flannel shirts.”

They still had a whole box of Ned’s flannel shirts, waiting for them to find a use for them. Robb and Jon were both still too slim to wear them. Sometimes Arya would pull one on, letting it fall down nearly to her knees, and pretend she could still smell him. Ned had always smelled like pine and snow to her, no matter where they were.

“I loved it, because of that and because Sansa made it just for me. But I only wore it once.”

“I forgot about that,” Sansa admits.

Arya feels herself turning red, and she knows it’s not the beer, she’s only had half a bottle. 

“I wish I could. I wore it to school once, one of the only days it was warm enough.”

She had always shaken her head at Sansa, who wore dresses and skirts to school all the time, with or without leggings or tights, no matter the amount of snow on the ground. She could be shivering under her winter coat and hat and boots, but still refuse to change.

“I didn’t really think anything of it, but everyone else sure seemed to. Mum fussed over me all morning and when I got to school, I kept hearing whispers and snickers. I even heard someone say ‘guess she really is a girl after all’. It was mortifying, and I never wore it again.”

Shireen frowns, even harder than she was before. She had taken exactly one drink of her beer and had winced.

“Why would people act like that just over seeing a girl in a skirt?”

Gendry snorts. He’s only been sipping his beer, and with a pang, Arya remembers that his mother had always said, that his father had just been some drunk. 

“They probably thought they had wandered into some teen flick and she was having a dramatic makeover into the class beauty everyone would want.”

Arya feels herself burn, and she knows it’s not the beer talking. 

“Yes, it was like they thought that just because I wore a skirt that I would stop playing sports and start hanging out at the mall and fawning over boys instead.”

Gendry starts laughing so Arya sticks her tongue out at him. 

“Nope, you’re not getting any fawning, none at all. Mum was the worst actually. She always thought that one day I would wake up transformed into the proper girl she wanted me to be, like Sansa.”

“You and Mum never did see eye to eye,” Sansa admits, quietly. Her two bottles are both empty and there’s a tinge of sadness to her voice.

Arya pulls her knees up to her chest. 

“She could never understand why I would rather go to the park with the dogs, or to White Harbour for a game, or beg Jon to teach me to drive on a Saturday instead of, I don’t know, getting my hair or nails done like you.”

“It wasn’t always perfect between us,” Sansa admits, “Sometimes I could be too much even for mum. You weren’t around that time I threw a tantrum because she said I couldn’t go clubbing with the rest of the cast after the Music Man closed, because it was after curfew.”

Sansa’s quiet for a long moment.

“I wonder if she would fight me again over this next year.”

Arya flops flat on her back. 

“You did fine on your A-levels Sansa, and you’re hardly the first person to take a gap year to work.”

Shireen frowns off to her side.

“You’re out of school already? I thought you said you were seventeen?”

Sansa nods, then giggles.

“There was some fuss with our birthdays when we both entered school. I turn eighteen in October, Arya’s seventeen in November. I just finished my A-levels, Arya’s going into her last year.”

Sansa quiets after this. Arya knows she had agonized over this. She had done decently on exams, true, but she really did want to pursue acting. The theater scene in Winterfell, indeed, in all of the North was so very small, that her only hope was to leave and move somewhere like the Riverlands, or hopefully the Reach. And all for Sansa’s confidence, leaving home like that terrified her. 

Shireen turns her attention to Arya, who suddenly feels the need to take a long swig of her beer. 

“What are you taking?’

Arya grimaces, “English, maths, biology, phys ed, and Braavosi.”

She bites her lip. 

“Mum would probably still say that’s not enough.”

The beer isn’t helping, her stomach feels like there’s a rock in it. Part of her wants to keep going, but is terrified of letting it out. Across the campfire, Loras has started making out with Renly Baratheon, the boys head counselor, and no one is paying any attention to the group in the little corner. 

“Do you remember Ned Dayne?” she asks Gendry, eye half-closed in his direction. Gendry snorts, like a bull would, not like he’s laughing. 

“I hated him.”

Arya scoffs. Ned had come to camp with them the second year, invited along as the son of a long time family friend. The rest of the Brotherhood had liked him, Gendry had not.

“You did not hate him, you were ten. Well, last year Ned came north to stay with his aunt for a few months.”

Sansa’s eyeing her oddly, trying to work out the timeline and looking wary. 

“There was a beginning of term dance. I didn’t really want to go, but Ned offered to take me because he thought I was afraid to go alone, and- Gendry wipe that pout off your face-”

His pout is extremely obvious too, even Shireen’s giggling in his direction. She had never really understood why him and Ned got on each other’s nerves so easily, having always chalked it up to them just having different temperaments.

“Ned and I are just friends, we both knew it…” her voice thins and turns rough, “Mum didn’t seem to get the memo though.”

Sansa interrupts. 

“Was that what-”

Arya nods. 

“She couldn’t stop going on about how sweet we were together, and and, how happy Dad would have been…”

That was the part that had hurt the most, that it felt like Mum had been using Dad against her, even if that hadn’t been her intention. 

“She tried to convince me to take him to this fancy charity event she was planning for the company, and I just, I got so mad…”

Tears threaten to spill out, and she wipes her face with the back of her hand.

“I told her that I wasn’t going to go to her stupid event, alone or with Ned. I told her that she was never going to understand me and that I wished…I wished that Dad was still here instead of her.”

Arya’s crying now openly, and the others are just watching her. 

“Her and Bran’s accident was the next day. Mum died thinking I hated her.”

Arya’s so lost in her words, that she doesn’t even notice when Sansa roughly tipsy-tackles her.

“She did not. You had a fight over something stupid and you lost your temper and said something you didn’t mean. Arya, it’s not the first time you’ve done that. She knew you didn’t hate her.”

Off to the side, she can hear Shireen opening her mouth.

“So much for not being in a film. Is this where we all share our deepest secrets? You already know mine.”

The tone seems almost bitter for Shireen, but Arya could hug her at this moment, for taking the attention off of her confession. 

“Then my turn is done, someone else take a turn.”

Sansa squeezes her one last time, whispering into her hair. 

“You’re so much more lovable than you seem to believe Arya,” she spares a glance in Gendry’s direction before letting go and standing up, “Maybe you’ll come to see it yourself.”

Once Sansa leaves for the other side of the campfire, it’s quiet for a few minutes. Arya studies the stars, feels the warmth of the fire at her back and breathes in the soft scent of smoke. It’s true, she does feel a bit lighter.

After several minutes, Gendry breaks the silence. 

“After we left camp the last time...the foster mother I had after molested me for most of that year.”

Arya feels her throat go dry, her mind go fuzzy. She thinks she makes some noises but none of them are words, or at least she hopes they aren’t.

“At least you’re using the word now,” Shireen comments, and Arya feels even more almost words try and get out.

“Shireen,” she starts off, “Wasn’t she the one who-”

Shireen nods, but Gendry isn’t paying attention. His voice drones on like a tape stretched out from too many plays. 

“I’m not sure if Melisandre was her given or family name either. That’s just what she told me to call her. She hadn’t been living in King’s Landing long before...I should have known she was strange from day 1. I’d never even heard of the Lord of Light before, but she made me keep the little religious rituals. That wasn’t really so bad…”

He swallows roughly. 

“She was really affectionate right off the bat. I didn’t think anything of that either, I’ve had some foster parents who freaked out if I so much as bumped into them and I thought this was better. It didn’t help that she was beautiful. “ “She really was,” Shireen admits, swigging her beer. Arya notes that it’s mostly gone now, as though Shireen had been using it to distract from the conversation. “Like, film star beautiful.”

“Then the weirdness started. She would stare into her little flame on her altar for hours, or spend most of the day speaking in a language I didn’t recognize. Sometimes she would corner me while in this state, and get way too close.”

Shireen’s finished her beer, and stood and set to leave. Arya doesn’t blame her. She feels well and truly drunk, her head swimming and her stomach threatening to turn itself over. 

“Then it got to the point she would try and kiss me while muttering some shit about the will of R’hllorr. It would be a lie to say I didn’t enjoy this at first. That’s why some of it feels like my fault, like I should have done something earlier.”

Arya hates every inch of guilt on his face. 

“You were what, fifteen then? You couldn’t have...would you have thought differently if you had been a girl, or younger?”

Gendry won’t look at her now. 

“But by the time she started saying things about bloodlines and sticking her hands down my shorts I knew everything was wrong, but I didn’t know how to make her stop.”

“I’m so sorry,” Arya starts, turning on one side to face him, “That was horrible. She was supposed to be a parent, no parent should ever do anything like that.”

Gendry chuckles roughly. 

“I had a decent reputation with the social workers. I wasn’t a problem case. I still led off with the religious ranting, because I still thought they might not believe me. They did though, and even leaving with another bin bag, I was ecstatic. I was in a boy’s group home for a few months until Davos took me in. Those months were when she went to Dragonstone.”

Arya’s eyes go wide. 

“They let her?”

“They had to build a case. They could bar her from taking in other kids or working at a school, but until they got all my statements, they couldn’t stop her from traveling within the territory and preaching.”

“Did they-” 

“It was easier after Shireen. Because of what she did to her, with witnesses, they got the order to hold her against her will within the day. She’s in an in-treatment facility now, and has been declared unfit to stand trial. Diagnosis of hallucinations and delusions, apparently they’re religiously oriented quite a lot. Until she’s not, what happened to me is just a file in a police station.” 

Arya sighs deeply. Her mother had always been very religious, and while Arya had rarely shared her enthusiasm, none of it had ever frightened her.

She remembers that Gendry never really put any stock in the barely there prayers and religious songs at camp, she always thought he was in the same boat as her. 

She watches Gendry’s face, his eyes half closed, his lips set straight. A horrible thought hits her suddenly. 

“I didn’t- nothing I’ve done when we’re...I don’t make you remember it do I?”

Gendry sighs, and reaches out to push a bit of her hair back over the side of her face.

“No. I didn’t tell you this to make you pity me, or so you’d treat me like I was going to break.”

Arya feels her eyes water as she asks, “Then why did you tell me.”

Gendry exhales roughly. 

“I guess I’m just so sick of feeling like it’s a secret. It’s not something you can just drop on people. What I said earlier this summer was true, it was much easier to focus on work and school instead of trying to date. But it’s not just that. After what she did to me, it was really hard to think of trusting a complete stranger again. It took me a long time to warm up to Davos and his wife, and even Shireen.”

Arya sighs softly, breathing in the night air. 

“But you trust me?”

Gendry runs his fingers along one of her cheeks, and even though it’s gentle and simple, it makes her skin tingle.

“I do. Besides, you’re not a complete stranger. What Sansa says was right though, you’re so much more lovable than you give yourself credit for.”

Arya scoffs, though her heart swells inside her. 

“You too,” she whispers. Gendry shakes his head.

“I think that’s just you, and maybe Shireen. I think your siblings only put up with me because of you. Everyone else seems to think I’m a giant prick.”

Arya pouts. 

“That’s not true!”

Gendry laughs. 

“It’s fine. The people who actually matter don’t.”

He flexes his arm and rolls Arya closer. She presses her nose into the side of his neck and breathes in deeply. Warm skin, hint of suncream.

They’re quiet for a time, and Arya drinks the moment in. 

“If this is a big scene in a film, any other secrets you want to let out here?” she asks with a smirk. 

Gendry breathes deeply for a moment. 

“Lem gave me some info on an apprenticeship in King’s Landing I might go out for.”

Arya purses her lips. 

“An apprenticeship? What for?”

“To be a paramedic.”

Arya’s eyes go wide. She thinks back on his uncertainty about his future.

“That’s a great idea! You already have something resembling experience too.”

Gendry smiles, though his face still looks a bit hesitant. 

“I think so too, especially after what happened during the canoe races. I just- I’m tired of not knowing what I want. I want to make something of myself, show everyone I’m worthy, that I’m not just some lost kid to be pitied and looked down upon.”

Arya kisses his chin.

“Just remember you don’t need to prove anything to be worth it to me.”

Gendry breathes softly, and rolls so they’re closer together, nearly pressed nose-to-nose. 

“It’s not a guarantee, it’s a hard spot to get. It’s not just recent grads, working adults can apply too.”

Arya smiles. 

“After this past year with Bran, I’ve been considering physical therapy.”

“That’d be a good fit, given your background.”

“I thought so. Though apparently you’re competing with a ton of failed med school applicants. I’ll have to really buckle down this year.”

She groans deeply. The two beers she had is making her blood feel hot.

“I don’t want to think about school, it’s the summer holidays.”

So after that, they don’t talk anymore about the future. 

Morning comes, with the sun, and only a few hangovers. The campers leave, and the unit counselors slack off. Out in the stables, Arya and Ygritte muck and chat. Much like her and Gendry, they don’t talk about the future. 

#game of thrones #A Song of Ice and Fire #gendrya #fic #summer camp au

[hillnerd]

Hello hillnerd! I've read more than one of your interesting analysis, so I was wondering, if/when you'll have the time could you explain why/how Ron's character was mistreated by the movies? We all know what a terrible portrait of Ginny they've done, but I've always felt like they did a worst job with Harry than with Ron. Thank you very much, and if you've already spoken more deeply about, don't you worry about it ^^

Aw thanks so much! I’m glad you find my extra long rants interesting! ;)

So! Ron Weasley is my favorite character in the HP series. I found myself continually getting more and more disappointed with his portrayal as the movie series progressed, and have had lots to say on it over the years, but don’t believe I’ve ever had one semi-cohesive long post about it. Here we go, kids!

I have explored this when I went into classism and how it plays into Ron, and the Weasleys, portrayal in the films. This, I feel, is key to understanding how perverse the changes ended up being in the films. To me it’s not just about the character of Ron not being portrayed accurately, but rather an all-around disdain for poverty/working class people.

I won’t repeat what I said in my other essay- but please do read it to get a fuller picture of my issues with Ron’s portrayal. To sum it up, classist tropes of poor people being stupid, lazy, unloyal, and fearful is what Steve Kloves reduced the Weasleys to. 

I also am not a huge fan of the movies, so have not given many of them a lot of rewatches- nor will I for this- so it might get hard for me to remember all issues, and I’m sure I’ll miss a lot of them.

HOW RON WEASLEY WAS RUINED IN THE MOVIES:

When people watch the films they come away from them having some understanding of who the characters are in the books. Harry might come across as more serious in the movies- but his bravery, his dedication, his self-sacrifice, and even at times his sarcasm- are still there. Hermione and her whip-smart intelligence are not just present- they are upped to the point of ridiculous at times- they also went on to make her even more empathetic, friendly and kind than she was in the books (she’s more of a prickly little thing- but they portray her as this sensitive empathic character who never puts a step wrong in the movies… ) and made her more physically capable than in the books too. (punching malfoy, able to physically lift Harry into the air when being swung around on the whomping willow, dueling capabilities etc)

Then there is Ron. Most people come away thinking Ron is a coward, or stupid- at best they find him amusing. The movies seemed to go out of their way to wipe away all of Ron’s positive attributes and replace them with problematic behaviors that were completely antithetical to who Ron was, and even change scenes so that he did the exact opposite actions as well. They robbed him of almost every act of intelligence, kindness, wit, heart and bravery from the books. I’m fine with changes from the book as far as scenes- but I am not ok with them completely altering his character to make him selfish, unkind, cowardly, stupid etc. The movies didn’t just ruin Ron Weasley in them- they created a legacy of suck. I mean, that’s why  there are video essays titled ‘is Ron useless’ on youtube where they have to do a breakdown of the character, in the newest HP phone game Ron isn’t featured like Harry and Hermione and is worth less points, in the play he’s portrayed as a dingus who can’t point a wand in the right direction… People fundamentally don’t know Ron, and that’s due to the movies (and their influence - even on how people interpret his character when they read the books, imo.)

Let’s get into it though!

This started with the first film:

the one film that was truest to who Ron was in the books.

The Devil’s Snare

Let’s compare the scenes:

Now, they had to cut one of Hermione’s feats in order to streamline the journey to the stone. The riddle with the potions would be a lot harder to make interesting in film, so having her shining moment be the Devil’s Snare makes absolute sense. 

As it was her one moment of glory, it also made sense for her to get to stay calm. I can’t begrudge that change.

What I DO have issue is, Kloves decided to sacrifice Ron’s character in order to bolster Hermione. He made Ron become completely irrational and panicky, while cool calm Harry and Hermione looked on with amusement and derision. 

He could have easily had both the boys unable to keep from wiggling- or had Hermione just crawl off in time like in the book- but no. 

This was the beginning of a pattern we continue to see throughout the movies.

They kept feeding the notion that in order to make Harry and Hermione looks cool’/brave- they needed to have Ron cowering beside them- when that is the exact opposite of who he is as a character. 

We also have another moment earlier in the book/film that undercuts Ron in order to bolster Harry.

_________________________________________________

Their first quidditch lesson:

BOOK

MOVIE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ix0BhYSZBg

Ron’s been flying a broom since he was a kid. Yet he’s struggling to get the broom to go up while most of the class succeeds, and then it strikes him in the face? Really? Neville is already about to have an accident with the broom and made a lot more sense for this piece of physical comedy- but they did it to Ron… 

In this film it’s not that big of a deal- after all he has loads of great moments- but it goes to show that Kloves doesn’t understand Ron’s role in the series for Harry- beyond being his best friend, he’s also a knowledgeable guide to the wizarding world. They almost completely remove this from Ron, and give almost all exposition to Hermione or Hagrid. Ron’s essential function is removed. This is just a tiny example. It gets worse as the films continue.

   ———————————————————————��————————

THE TROLL

In the book he is very capable and is able to do Wingardium Leviosa to save Hermione WITHOUT her coaching him in the bathroom. But he can’t have his moment without Hermione teaching him in the movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxMy9T49fM

    ————————————————————————————————

Chamber of Secrets

This is it. The film where Ron is firmly established as a coward.

He is moaning, squeeking, shaking, crying, and all around acting a total miserable coward in scene after scene. Again this is the exact opposite of who Ron is as person. In the books he’s this fiery tempered guy who is ready to first fight/duel any ahole who crosses his path- but in the movies, he’s this:

FOLLOW THE SPIDERS

In the books he never is falling apart like that, even when facing the spiders- his biggest fear. (He is literally phobic of them, but this is now shown in the films.) Harry is stoic, to the point of ridiculously stoic, during these moments- while Ron practically crying. Now I’m fine with Ron being show afraid in this particular scene- my issue is how it’s played for comedy, how they add in moments of ‘now can we panic,’ and have Harry show about as much emotion as a door knob the whole scene.  

If this were the one scene where Ron acts like this, hey I’d let it pass.

Nope. It’s become his entire personality. He is in the same state CONSTANTLY in this film. Dignity? Ron does’t get to have a moment of that. He’s constantly making this face:

When in the car, when near his mum, when being yelled at by the howler, when being yelled at by moaning myrtle, when Harry is injured etc.

If his excessive fear weren’t the only big problem that’d be one thing- but no.

He is also striped of his purpose in being a guide to the wIzarding world.

—————————————-

MUDBLOOD AND SLUGS

When Hermione is called a Mudblood in the books she has no clue what that means. Ron is the one who, rather eloquently, explains it.

This is instead given to Hagrid and Hermione. While Ron pitifully barfs int he corner only able to add a feeble ‘it’s sickening’ for laughs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpj3krxJtNU

——————————————————————-

PRISONER OF AZKABAN

They continue to make Ron a coward, but also erode his friendship with Harry and Hermione, and make him ‘irresponsible’ on top of it.

INSUFFERABLE KNOW-IT-ALL

Ron gets detention from Snape for defending Hermione against him.

In the films he agrees with Snape’s bullying comment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjxZyljxrxE

——-

SCABBERS

Ron’s concern about Scabber’s health is made into a one-off sort of joke in the films, and for some reason a narrative of ‘Ron keeps losing Scabbers and is an irresponsible pet owner’ is established in the films. 

Molly has to chase him with Scabbers and shouts ‘DON’T LOSE HIM!’ and then later the cat/rat fight is reduced to a ‘Ron’s lost Scabbers’ instead of it being a clear case of ‘the rat is dead, most liekyl because of her cat.’

Again we see Ron being shown as inferior (dumb ron unable to keep up with pets), while Hermione is built up ad able to talk down to Ron. (Ronald has lost him again!) (Also, anyone else HATE that they did this with the Ronald bit with Hermione and Ron?) Even Hagrid condescends to Ron when he finds the rat (and Hagrid is shown as quite clueless, but apparently not as clueless as Ron now….)

——-

There’s a moment added to the films where Harry goes to return the crystal ball to Trelawney and asks if Ron wants to come with him— Ron, a bit rudely, says no. This was used as a way to get Harry alone with Trelawney for the professor to give her prophecy- but why did they have to do it at the expense of Ron?

—————

THE SHRIEKING SHACK

Ron on multiple occassions in the book goes out of his way to attempt to save Harry. ALL of these are cut.

Ron literally put himself between Harry and danger. Instead in the films he’s stupidly sitting beside the whomping willow,

 then he’s  just screaming, terrified, as he’s dragged away.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lhi1bOuIj0E

Then Ron, with a severely broken leg, stands on it to confront a murderer while Hermione scaredly whispering.

Instead they give this line to HERMIONE, while Ron incoherently whimpers on the ground like a coward. 

They knew Hermione had a TON of ‘moments’ in this film already- why did they need to give one of Ron’s ONLY moments to her???????? She had just punched Malfoy (instead of slapped him), literally had the strength of a grown weight lifter to lift Harry by the shirt into the air as they fought the whomping willow and will go on to the have the time adventure… yet, here we are- She has this line as well.

Ron is robbed of every ounce of dignity and gumption and self-actualization he HAS.

————————

Then at the end of the time adventure they have Harry and Hermione laughing at Ron as he, again, incoherently babbles and makes this face.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OavYqCjM45k

Oh ahahah! It’s DUMB OLD RON! XD

Everything valuable he brings to his friendship with Harry and Hermione is cut- and replaced with this garbage.

—————————————————————————————————-

GOBLET OF FIRE

Again all nuance for Ron’s character is lost- and he’s demonized while Harry and Hermione are lifted up. They also, throughout the movies, have done a pretty crap job of showing Ron’s place in the wizarding world when it comes to wealth and when it comes to how he’s treated and what he goes through. His lack of money is treated as a joke with his robes, and in general is not taken seriously beyond a a few Lucius is a bad guy scenes and the first movie.

HARRY AND RON’S FIGHT

In the books Ron and Harry’s fight leaves Harry devastated- and Ron’s behavior doesn’t come out of nowhere either. They establish that Harry and He had an agreement to go into the tourney  together if they could- but it looks like Harry did it without him. [the post by @owlpostagain does a brilliant analysis of it]

Ron does not come into their fight angry- in fact he’s trying (And failing) to be positive for Harry.

Ron brings NO ANGER to this exchange. HARRY DOES, though:

In the books Harry isn’t reasonable when he tries to explain this to Ron- he’s angry and insults Ron. Of course in the films, they make Harry ever so reasonable and Ron just a moody whiny asshole who is purely angry and spiteful in this exchange.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an7WWOY94Qs

The utter misery Harry experiences while he and Ron are on the outs is cut (I mean, at this point, why would he be miserable? Ron is a pretty awful friend in the films.) Best explored in a post I can’t find now- just go and reread how miserable Harry is. (eta: FOUND THE POST!!! Thanks @vivithefolle​!)

[This post] by @purpleklimt​  PERFECTLY sums up all the part in GOF where Harry is desperately missing Ron

He then goes on to attack Ron a SECOND time in the books

They leave out Harry’s part in this fight- and make it solely Ron’s fault in the films.

When they make up in the books Harry is SO relieved he won’t even let Ron apologize. He starts off cold- but immediately turns it around with relief.

But in the movie he’s angry and condescending to Ron (after having a SUPER out of character ‘everyone look at me, who wants me to open the egg!!!’ scene) and continues acting so AFTER they’ve ‘made up’? It’s not a happy reunion. And Ron is acting… really stupid :P For no reason

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s_dukNgLPg

————-

TRAINING

Ron goes on to help Harry train for the next task in the books, letting him practice hexes on him. Ron does nothing at all to help Harry in the films. Literally nothing.

———

YULE BRAWL

Again Ron is shown as angry- but they have to up the ante don’t they- where he literally makes Hermione have a breakdown in tears saying he’s ‘ruined everything’- when she had a great time at the ball in the books :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bynhxDUqqgU

Where as in the books they are having a fight of equals:

————-

They also add in a lot of scenes where Hermione is like, a rock for Harry emotionally (which she has never been in the books at all. The closest was in book 7 at the graveyard at xmas.)

————————————————————————————

ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

This is the ONLY movie after the 1st one to show Ron’s true friendship for Harry.

It’s not a coincidence that it’s the only film NOT written by Kloves. Here he is defending Harry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktfsgXyRbuc

Ron is a bit of a non-entity in this movie in general, but he’s a good supportive friend, and even has his cleverness pointed out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_p6j28GC3A

I guess they had to when they cut out him being prefect :P

They do a minor bit of Hermione getting Ron’s lines when Harry meets up with them at Grimauld place:

Ron: We told Dumbledore we wanted to tell you what was going on. We did, mate. But he’s really busy now, we’ve only seen him twice since we came here and he didn’t have much time, he just made us swear not to tell you important stuff when we wrote, he said the owls might be intercepted.

Movie:

Harry: You couldn’t have put this in a letter, I suppose. I’ve gone all summer without a scrap of news.Ron: We wanted to tell you, mate. Really, we did. Only –Hermione: Only Dumbledore made us swear that we wouldn’t tell you anything.

But it’s not the worst infraction. It does cut into Ron and Harry’s bond though in order to bolster Harry and Hermione’s. :P

————————————————————-

HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

Steve Kloves is back- and he seems determined to undermine Harry and Ron’s friendship, bolster Harry and Hermione’s, and generally cut out anything but buffoonery from Ron’s stories.

He has Ron kissing Lavender for seemingly no reason, has Ron looking like a moron as he does quidditch (The helmet… ) and just in general doesn’t give Ron any dignity.

When Ron is poisoned- a VERY SERIOUS incident- Ron immediately goes from dying to sitting up to make a joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK3K8XmZX3Q

The MOST EGREGIOUS one, though, is THE ENDING OF THE MOVIE

First let’s look at what we find in the books

They are a TRIO- Ron and Hermione are equally supporting him- but as usual Ron has the most lines of verbal support in the book- because that’s his role as Harry’s BEST FRIEND.

In the film… I mean… LOOK AT IT! 

Ron is COMPLETELY SILENT. And seated about 20 feet away from them as the ‘grownups’ talk and Hermione pledges her ever loving support to Harry, while Ron, again, IS SILENT! FOR THREE MINUTES!

WTF

I JUST…. WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!!!?!?

—————————————————————————-

DEATHLY HALLOWS

Ron is actually portrayed ok at times here- They are ALL OVER the place with Ron’s characterization though, and do LITTLE to show the sacrifices he’s making leading up to their journey (and don’t support that narrative much later either.)

At times a bumblerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiTgShhO-JM

But is finally allowed to hold his own when things get serious- but shows a weird sort of serial killer-esque darkness as he confronts the frozen deatheater.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk5I27gTOj0

Again they make him an idiot at the ministryhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxgGMs3tezw

But Ron’s injury for once is treated seriously. :) (no sitting up to make a joke!)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lvpgvg_0neQ

The locket scene they do NOT honor Ron’s character, and have him become incredibly cruel compared to how he was in the bookhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZi_9E3ULwI

Again they do what they’ve done with ALL the fights based around Ron  (note how they CUT all of Harry&Hermione’s fall-outs?) they make Ron completely randomly unreasonable- and bolster Harry’s perspective as just misunderstood and not at all out of control angry

Don’t get me wrong, Ron was horrid when he was essentially possessed by the locket- but he NEVER went to the low blows Ron of the films did.

They go on in the film to show that without Ron, Harry and Hermione are fine. They are dancing and having a good time without him. And why wouldn’t they? He’s never been the rock of support and common sense he was in the books.

In the books they are hopeless without Ron. Miserable without him. that’s why when he’s back it’s a BIG deal                      _________________________________________________

♪REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD♪  meh

When reunited, Harry and Ron don’t have a particularly close bond- They destroy theh horcrux- and Ron’s emotional reaction of sobbing after his worst fears are out is cut- because of course all Ron-humanity is cut- and then his bond with Harry where they embrace and Harry comforts him is also cut- because only Harry & Hermione are actually close in these movies….

Movie version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1XUfFnmflU

The clip cuts off but after

All that, and all they say is:

‘Just think, there are only three to go.’

Oh ok! No Ron explaining things, no Harry and Ron bonding- Ron’s not a good friend anyways, right?

Augh.

Where Ron comes in saving the day and bringing them tons of knowledge (the taboo, snatchers, potter watch) film Ron comes back bringing nothing (because Ron in the films NEVER is smart or bringing anything to the table. The TWO TIMES in the WHOLE FILM SERIES he does, it’s commented on like ‘wtf?!’ from Hermione….), and his presence doesn’t seem to particularly change anything for Harry and Hermione either. They were fine without him and Hermione is laughing and smiling LESS with Ron around, so is Harry.

Anyways! Then there is Hermione’s torture. Ron in the books is going mad with grief for her- He on MULTIPLE OCCASSIONS defends her and even says for them to take him instead. in the movies he reacts with a worried look and silence, then when he’s down in the basement seems less worried about Hermione than he was about anything in all those other movies he was freaking out in:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twHLFlqZ8T8

Look at how sedate he is. Jesus.

In the books he’s shouting her name and desperate for her.

But in the movies… BLECH

At least they still let him save her. (I’m surprised they let that stay.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2zNRrOXbPY

————————————————-

I only saw Deathly Hallows part 2 when it first came out- and haven’t seen it since because i really didn’t like it. The final fight sequence sucks so hard :P

But anyways- what I remember- Ron essentially does nothing and contributes nothing until he gets him and Hermione into the chamber of secrets and they randomly kiss.

ROOM OF REQUIREMENT

He is portrayed as plain old SILLY in the Room of Requirement:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZiGbypAnFU

————————————————-

MY FRIEND IS ABOUT TO GO DIE.

He gives a lame ‘what? Are you mad’ then as Harry goes off to die, Hermione gives Harry a big old hug- (neither character would let Harry do this- but Ron just STANDING there??? THE FUCK?) and Ron just stand there silently. Again, why is kloves so afraid of having these boys touch? Show affection????? (honestly I think all the times Ron shows anything like friendship in the films it’s usually silent moments that are improvised by Rupert.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg1LLVWZyg8

Like you’re telling me THIS BOY

Is gonna just stand there while Harry goes to die???

——————————

And then hermione almost seems embarrassed to be interested in him

——————————

19 YEARS LATER

Then in the final scene of the book, where Ron had tons of lines (the most besides Harry and Albus) he’s just this potbellied silent dude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEKA6rmVfW8

Like…. I can’t.

I HATE what the movies did to Ron. (don’t get me STARTED on Ginny.)

At every place they could they silenced him, took away his moments, made him a buffoon, made him a coward, made him a rotten friend, removed all his best traits- and left him to be mostly… THIS

He’s a selfish cowardly lump who is just around to keep the AUDIENCE entertained. Honestly you could cut Ron from the movie series and almost nothing would have to be changed- that’s how little they let him inform the narrative.

#isidar-mithrim #ron weasley #meta #ron weasley defense squad

[vicky-shitposts]

my mind makes noises

20th Feb 2021,

last night i had a weird dream. im a big fan of Primeval and since i was young, Abby and Connor have been one of my top OTPs. late last year i binged the whole series, start to finish. in my dream last night i can remember being chased across the green of a park, by some tough guys i think?? i distinctly remember checking my phone and i had done 11,000 steps. then Abby pulls up in her car and i hop in, and we speed away to safety down a highway. we stop off at a gas station for some snacks, then catch up with Connor at an office block. it's dark out, and we're being chased around. crawling through air vents and looking round corners. something must have come through an anomaly, or we'd upset the guy in charge. i remember a man in a suit too.

i actually found the energy to get washed and dressed when i woke up. but when i did wake up, i didn't feel so good. physically fine but mentally not. i feel down, sad and terrible but for no apparent reason. i hate it when this happens, and it happens too often. im sat wearing the Pale Waves tshirt dad got me for my 18th, listening to their All The Things I Never Said EP. dad loved Pale Waves and we even went to see them together. i think that was the day that his illness really sunk in for me, and was the last day we really went out and spent together before he had a rapid decline. for the longest time it was so painful listening to them, because it just reminded me of better and happier times. i didn't want to listen to their new album because i was scared i would break down crying. but now Who Am I? has charted in the top 3, which is incredible for only their second album. im so proud of them and i know that dad would be too. i think after this EP, im going to listen to their first album while i do some more reading. i feel like i owe it to my dad and is the least i can do. maybe i feel so sad because i miss him so much: "i swear that i'll never stop loving you, and i'll die by your side if you want me to" <3

i can see why a Pale Waves stan i know of loves Drive so much. i wish i could load myself into a car and drive off into the night, company by my side, either shouting along to music or in dead-but-comfortable silence. the last song kind of got me and just added to the aura im feeling. "i wonder what it's like to die", me too. a wonder on my mind constantly since i was 11, ran through my hands twice. Adam Ant said that Kurt Cobain was brave for killing himself, a sentiment i think about often; Clara saying "let me be brave" suddenly has an entirely new meaning. i think today is Kurt's birthday too, so happy birthday man. i hope you're having a party up there with everyone i love. my album listening session was heavily interrupted when i was asked what i wanted from the shops, as mum's bf was going to get stuff. can a girl never find peace?? apparently not in reality or mentally.

something just happened to me. there i was making my lunch, watching the first episode of Ealing Comedies - a series REG did on films he loves - and the intro of episode one is running. he's telling us what's going on, and has some clips from all three episodes. and out of nowhere, i see REG sat next to Peter Capaldi. Peter is one of my heroes and favourite people ever, his Doctor has taught me so much and is my blueprint. every time i see him i cry. but not this time. instead i let out the most high pitched squeal, collapsed to my knees and started shaking, looking at the tv with so much awe and love. before me were arguably my two favourite men sat together and i didn't anticipate or expect it. it took me by such shock and is all im going to think about for the rest of today. i also had an idea for a Withnail And I-esque film, of two people bunking together but not by choice. one is straight and every archetype of a cis, straight person, constantly giving passing comments of abuse to their flatmate who's as gay, queer, non confirming as they come. both want different things in life and are two opposite ends of the same spectrum. only to discover the "anti gay" was actually gay this whole time, and was deathly scared of themselves and their truth. i also have a bag of cashews to devour now, so some faith has been restored to my world. but not much, mind you.

left my house at 4.11 pm for a walk, didn't get back until about 5.30 pm. it was incredible. as i walked to Sturmer traversing squelchy mud, Hyperspace - Beck was playing in my ears. it's one of my favourite and one of the most important albums to me, i only listen to it on special occasions. felt a little sad listening to it and it reminded me of better times with G/R/E but that's okay. i really do miss them. i sat on a log for 15 minutes and let the album finish; then i sprung into action, found a big stick to use as a walking stick, and walked home through sturmer listening to the Withnail And I soundtrack. there was something so beautiful and liberating about listening to it while walking through a village, all by myself, sun setting behind me. i felt genuinely happy. i felt like i was in the film, at Crow Crag myself, walking in their footsteps. luckily there was no randy bull or chicken to kill for supper. just beautiful music that adorned a huge smile over my heart.

today has been a day of firsts for me, as it's also been the first day ive almost cried while taking the wrapper off a dvd. i just got done watching Logan, and i don't normally care about marvel, but i was actually invested in and really enjoyed it. but before anyone had uttered a word i was almost in tears, because i felt guilty unwrapping it. my dad got it and i presume he wanted to see it at some point. sadly he never got the chance. i only wanted to watch it purely because REG was in it, and i really wish he could have sat and watched it with me. i was also back to hugging my pillow for emotional support too. but the thing that stung the most was (spoiler) that Logan found his daughter, and his daughter watch him die. i may not have been my dad's daughter, but i know what it's like to experience that. i've really been missing him a lot today.

#black and white #photography #aesthetic #diary #diary entry #sad #depressed #exploring #nature #country

[kinda-iconic]

We’re all fighting a battle

I’ve had this drafted for a while, but I was unsure as to whether I was going to post this. However, with so much talk about mental health on social media and the news, I thought that it was about time that I talked about my own. But first, I’d like to thank @allaboutchoices for giving me the courage to open up about my own struggles. 

To those that know me, I’m usually a very happy, bubbly character; I’m normally smiling, and find joy in making those around me laugh. However, I’d be lying if I said that was always the case. Before I start, I’d like to say that I’m alright now; I have a few things going on, but I’m otherwise okay. I’m not always open about how I’m feeling, both with friends and family, but I know first hand how bad it is to bottle things up, and seeing those I cherish do the same hurts; I am a hypocrite, and I admit that. I go on about how it’s not healthy to hide how you are feeling from those that are closest to you, and yet I do the same. But I’m not going to do that anymore, hence why I am writing this now.

As most of you know, I graduated from University last year; it was an amazing experience, and though I tell people that I don’t miss my it, I kinda do. I met the most amazing people in my first year, and after the wonderful time I had, I thought that I would enjoy the rest of my time there.

That was until third year. 

During the summer (before I went back in September), a relative of mine got sick. He was in and out of hospital, and though I have handled something like this before, I found it extremely difficult to deal with. I was constantly worried that something bad was going to happen, and though I’m sad to say that it did, I had hope that I was overthinking things. In October of that year, I started a work placement through university; the staff there were amazing, and the place was simply beautiful, but after a couple of weeks, things started going downhill. 

I was starting to battle with my own self-doubt, and found myself making mistakes that I would never usually make. During said time, my relative was rushed back into hospital with a serious illness, and it all became too much. I started failing my placement, and my self-doubt got a lot worse. I started believing that I wasn’t good enough and that things were never going to get better. I began to dread leaving for placement in the morning, and often found myself close to tears when I was walking to the bus station afterwards. My grades for placement started slipping further, and a tutor from my university came to visit me. He told me of his concerns, and I made him aware as to what was going on outside of University. He was sympathetic, and made a note that this may have an impact on my performance during this placement. I felt, at that moment, that I was going to be okay, and that things were going to get better. 

But boyyy was I wrong. 

Another week passed, and their concerns grew; I was failing more than before, and they were unsure as to how they were able to support me. I started feeling really stressed out, and I can remember walking to the bus station one night and texting my mum telling her that I couldn’t do this anymore. I told her that I was tired, and that I just wanted to get home as I was close to tears (I don’t like crying in public, so I thought that telling my mum how I felt would relieve me of at least some of the upset) - I was wrong on so many levels. She did manage to cheer me up a little - by promising that there was a big hug waiting for me at home and that I could choose a film for us all to watch together that night - and I felt a little better. But when I read about how well everyone else was doing on their placements, I just felt awful. I cried myself to sleep nearly every night for weeks. 

That same night, whilst I was waiting for the bus, I had a phone call from my dad. Now, my dad and I are incredibly close - our relationship mainly being based on seeing who can insult the other more (in a banter kind of way, not actually offending one another). I’ve been open with him about a lot, as well as my mum, but the conversation we had was so different to the ones that we normally have that I was genuinely shocked. There was no joking or sarcastic comments; it was as serious as they come. He was sat in the car, and my mum had told him what had happened and what I had said, so whilst my mum was in a shop, he decided to ring me and ask if I was alright. I filled him in a little bit, but in the end I ended up breaking down. 

I broke down at the bus station... in front of people... and I hated it. 

He reassured me about everything, and told me that he knew in his heart that if anyone could overcome something like this, it was me; I had never had this kind of conversation with him before, probably because I’d never needed it, but it just shocked me that anyone thought that about me (the self-doubt had practically made me feel worthless, to the point that I told my mum that I’d failed them). 

Until then, I’d never had any issues with my mental health, but in that moment, I realised that no one was invincible... not even me. I wanted to pass my placement; I wanted to make others proud, but I knew that my parents would want me to do what was best for me and my mental health. 

So I did.

I decided to pull out of placement. 

At the time, I felt awful about it; I had let my struggles win, and I felt as though I wouldn’t be able to bounce back from this. But, when I tell you that ending my placement was the best choice for me, I’m telling the truth. In the short few months after, though I was knocked back by a bereavement, I managed to pull it off; my grades improved dramatically, and I managed to pass my resit work placement with a higher grade then ever before. I graduated in the summer with the rest of my university chums, and I was so proud when I got the email to say that I’d passed my course that I cried.

I’m not posting this for sympathy, but rather in the hope that I can encourage others to be more open about their struggles. Everyone is dealing with something, and though you may seem as if the world is against you or that you can’t be open about how you’re feeling... there is always someone out there that will listen to you. This has been sitting in my draft box for so long, and I really wasn’t sure about sharing this here, but if you get anything from this, I hope it’s the confidence to share how you are feeling, be it with a professional or a friend. No one is ever truly alone, and it’s about time that people are shown that it’s okay to talk about your mental health. Yes, it can feel daunting, but once you’ve got it off of your chest... it’s like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. 

Anyway, I really do appreciate it if you have read this to the end... and if any of you are struggling with anything, please know that there are always people out there to help and support you through the dark times, no matter what it may be. 

#personal #time to get real #thank you for reading this #long post

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 8 - WangXian go on a date & DON’T BLINK

Hello there, welcome to another Untamed commentary. To put everyone in the mood, it is Friday evening, one of those grey rainy days interrupted briefly by by brilliant burst of sunlight. I’m having a snack (chopped mango with yoghurt and a homemade matcha latte with honey), I just washed my hair, I’ve exfoliated, masked and moisturised. And everyone in this household is doing their own thing (napping, watching tv shows, more napping), I’m in a very good mood, so let’s go ahead with episode 8.

I think I’ve never commented on the intro credits before, I’ve seen people say they prefer to skip them because they find them spoilery, which they undoubtedly are. However, besides the absolutely stunning cinematography what I feel they aimed for is confusion. You’ve got this guy who’s kind of dark, but he’s crying and playing the flute, then some people are trying to kill him in some scenes, but in others he’s fighting back to back with the same guys and then there’s black smoke everywhere... I feel that, if I saw the credits I’d be intrigued enough to actively look for the drama and find out what the deal with the guy with the flute is.

And let me repeat something from the previous episode:

BUNBUNS. LOOK AT THE BUNBUNS

HOW’S WWX CUTER THAN THE BUNBUNS. THEY’RE BUNBUNS.

DONT FUCKING DO IT. Oh but these three with the bunbuns just melt my heart. STAY WITH THE BUNBUNS FOREVER AND NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN.

JC: gentlemen’s don’t hold bunbuns.

JC: *proceeds to be soft and cute and gentle with the bunbun he’s holding*

Ok but stoic serious no-nonsense LWJ stopping to say goodbye to the bunbuns? That’s fucking adorable.

FR tho, people who are “tough/cold/unapproachable” being super soft with tiny creatures is my damn kryptonite. It’s like, Ben Solo, being a super-beefcake with a lightsaber, a terrible past, too much attitude... and a kitten on his shoulder, I would 100000% ignore the bit where he was a super effective killing machine and go “aww. you like cats!”

As a lover or thunderstorms at night when everything is still and quiet I would’ve stabbed WC up a nostril just on principle, so props to LXC for not murdering that clown. Never mind threatening his baby brother.

I LOVE SHIJIE’S UNWAVERING FAITH IN HER XIANXIAN.

Aaaaaand let’s have a moment to admire LWJ/Wang YiBo in blue.

Ok, done.

OH MY GOD. I’d forgotten this bit was in here. So you know when WWX has just caught up with LWJ and he throws him a loquat and complains about LWJ leaving him behind? I love the bit when he’s calling the Lans petty, and LWJ just goes “boring” and sweeps past him with this tiny sassy smirk and leaves WWX fucking processing for a second. I live for that kind of LWJ and that’s partly what my TimeTraveling!LWJ was based on.

WWX: *ties them with magic* isn’t this neat?

LWJ, internally: so he’s a genius dumbass, I’m fucked.

Ok now that we are a bit in I can safely say this is one of my favourite episodes. No, it is not because it is pretty much an episode-long WangXian date. How dare you.

LWJ’s internal monologue: I can’t believe in so in love with this dumbass. I’m moron-sexual the gods help me.

JC being a good bro and JYL being the fucking queen of the universe like she always is.

(Another moment to appreciate LWJ/Wang YiBo in blue)

I feel LWJ’s aversión to crowds on a spiritual level.

I also feel NHS excelling just in what he likes so much. I mean, I was never a terrible student, but looking back at just the last six years in Med School my marks skyrocketed from a passing grade in stuff like physics and biophysics to top marks in things like neurosurgery; just due to the fact that I find neurosurgery way more interesting than physics.

THE PETAL SHOWER SCENE IS STUNNING. Also, if you don’t think WWX already had a crush on LWJ (and I am talking in The Untamed/CQL verse, I know that in the books he still thought he was straight) I’m pretty sure this is filmed just so we’d have visual confirmation that he is indeed crushing so hard. And I still don’t know if NHS is wingmaning or third wheeling. (Both? Both? Both? Both is good.)

I mean, NHS goes onto his “LWJ is stunning” monologue, and then WWX gives him kind of a disbelieving look. BUT THEN, he glances at LWJ (again being showered in flowers bc he wasn’t gorgeous enough on his own) and his face turns considering, he makes a stupid joke, and he goes back to looking at LWJ with the softest smile. I will fight anyone that dares tell me CQL!WWX hasn’t been crushing on LWJ since the Cloud Recesses.

//Sidebar LWJ’s looks adorably in awe at the petal shower this whole time.

Aaaaaand plot happens.

Oooof! The contrast between all the colourful flowers before and the burned blackened garden now. Ooooof.

Ok but that shadow bird is fucking cool and I want one.

WC’s head piece (guan?) makes me think of the Disney designs for Pain and Panic.

I know is wishful thinking, but if I wonder how different things would’ve been if WQ had snapped and offed WC when he was taunting her with the safety of her family.

Can I take a moment to rave about how clever WQ is? I mean, she’s already worried and scared for her family, she had absolutely no warning before JC ran into her and yet she managed to pull off that ruse to warn him about WangXian and NHS being in trouble in what, a few minutes? She’s so cool.

Ok, full disclosure here, I can’t see elderly people being sad, scared or worried, it reminds me of my maternal grandparents whom I adored and I get super sad.

(My dad still has his parents but they are terrible to my mum, dad and me, so they get no sympathy)

Funny story: I almost fell backwards the first time I heard “grandmother” used as a respectful term to an elderly lady back when I was living in Bulgaria (I moved back to Spain like a week ago, I’m over the moon to be home y’all). You don’t do that in Spain, calling someone who’s not your grandma “grandma” is really fucking rude.

Aaaaaand none of these knuckleheads know how to speak with a person in shock. They get a pass because all teens are knuckleheads in some measure but...

But if I heard a terrified lady muttering about soul snatching I’d fuck right off that village tbh. I’d take my chances sleeping in the woods with the roaming serial killers.

[it just started storming, I love this!]

Sure! Let’s stay the night in a cave with a creepy anthropomorphic statue that’s supposed to snatch souls. I’m sure it’ll be ok.

NHS is the only one with a Braincell here. (NHS is my adorable Slytherin son and I love him)

Y’all might not have noticed but I have not I’m not going to comment on the quality of the CGI/special effects/monsters. I’m aware this is a tv show and it doesn’t have the same budget as idk, a Marvel movie. I’m ok with them not being that believable. Same with unbelievable sword moves, I know shit all about sword fighting and even less about xianxia. Y’all might even be lucky enough to avoid my “bodies don’t work that way” rants, because again, everyone has magic, why would medicine be any different.

[brief interlude here, I had to go cat-hunting because we couldn’t find one of the cats, she likes to make a break for it sometimes, it’s a full on thunderstorm outside, almost sundown and she’s solid black. We found her in the basement exploring. Two of the other ones are in the kitchen with my mum and my big scaredy boi is under my bed. Also, this storm just reminded me that my dad is fixing the attic so I can have a “loft” next year when I start my residency and I can’t wait to fall asleep to rain up there.]

NOT THE TIME TO FLIRT WWX. NOT THE FUCKING TIME.

What LWJ says: stay alert (in case the statue moves again)

What I hear: Don’t Blink!

Oh come on! Zombies now? Fuck right off, let them sleep!

And that was episode 8! Thank you for reading.

#cql #the untamed #mdzs live action #mdzs #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #lan wangji #wei wuxian #wangxian #nie huaisang #foxglove has a cat #well foxglove has four #and now she actually lives with all of them

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 105

Chapter Summary -   Danielle is tired and jet-lagged, which is not a time to question her integrity.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle sighed as she crashed onto the bed after a long day. The heat, the time zone differences and if she was completely honest, she felt a little lonesome for Tom. Groaning as she felt herself getting a tad frustrated, she just lay on the bed and got her phone out, sending a quick “I’m alive” text before curling up against a pillow and falling asleep.

The next morning, she dragged herself out and forced herself into the shower before grabbing some pastries at the breakfast counter of the hotel and getting a cab to the offices of Lucas’ company.

‘How is the jet lag treating you?’

‘I want to sleep for a week, how do people do this?’

‘Your boyfriend does it a lot.’

‘Yes, and I have a newfound respect for him.’ She commented as she grabbed a very large cup of coffee.

‘May I ask you something?’ Danielle paused, she suspected whatever it was he was about to ask, Tom was the key part of it. She turned and looked at him, nodding. ‘Do you find it odd?’

‘What?’

‘Having a film star for a boyfriend?’

‘No, because to me, he’s Tom, dorky, book-loving Tom.’

‘But he has a big name.’

‘In certain circles.’

‘He could help you.’

Danielle’s jaw clenched slightly. ‘I don’t want or need help. And I am behind the scenes, so Tom’s name does little for me there, thankfully.’

‘You don’t want his help?’ Lucas asked curiously.

‘No.’ She stated firmly. ‘I don’t.’

‘He knows Branagh as well though?’ Danielle frowned. ‘I was talking to him, he was thanking me for suggesting you and then mentioned that it was great to bounce around ideas with you, that you were receptive to his ideas but also that you added your own input that he found valuable and that you brought your boyfriend along to speak with him.’

Danielle felt uneasy as to the tone he was using. ‘Yes, Tom knows Ken, they worked together before on a few projects, quite a few actually.’

‘But why bring him to a business meeting?’

‘Sure you know yourself, when both of you are home, it’s nice to actually do stuff with your other half. Your wife is so busy with work too, isn’t that why you had her at our meeting, to spend time with her while you could? We just had the added bonus that Tom and Ken know each other, so we got to have a wonderful conversation where effectively Ken embarrassed him with stories for my amusement and Tom and he got to actually spend time talking again, they are considering working together in the future as a result of that meeting.’ She smiled. ‘So, does that mean that technically, I got him a job, not the other way around?’

Lucas’s brow furrowed. ‘I’m not quite sure. So, you didn’t bring him to secure the job?’

This time, Danielle’s jaw clenched completely. ‘I have not, nor will I ever, use Tom to “secure a job” I will get by on my efforts and mine alone. I noticed the flaw, I wrote my piece that caught Browne’s attention and had him contact you, I went into that hotel and spoke to you regarding it, and though yes, you suggested me to Branagh, it was my talking that convinced him, you just said yourself there, my ability to add to his idea, he and Tom talked about Wallander and Thor and theatre, he and I spoke shop. Tom hasn’t a clue one end of a safety harness from the other, it is not his job to know.’ She rose from the table. ‘I am not sure I wish to continue with this if it is going to be assumed that I have Tom as a means to get ahead in my work, he went with me that day because I was shitting myself at the idea of a project that big with such a renowned actor, he dropped me the day of our meeting because he knew I was terrified but he didn’t come in, he respected me enough in my job to not do so. He knows I would never want to get anywhere on his coattails but on my own labours.’ She walked towards the door. ‘I am sorry it had to go like this, I really am.’ she sighed, walking out of the office.

As she pressed the elevator call button, she felt her heart begin to sink. She had thought her career was on the rise, but this had put it all to a halt. Part of her wondered if she was being petty, but the other part was highly insulted at the insinuation she was using Tom and his name to further herself. She worked hard, she didn’t have to use Tom’s name, nor would she. She loved Tom, not his name or influence. Angered and with a severe dislike of elevators anyway, she decided to go for the stairs, it was only fifteen floors down so she began her descent. When she opened the stairwell door into the lobby, she noticed Lucas standing in front of the elevator doors, she looked at him for a moment before focusing on the door and walking out it. She hailed a taxi and gave the address of her hotel, noting Lucas watching her from the doorway of his offices, but she refused to look at him.

In the safety of her hotel room, she kicked off her shoes and looked around, her files in hand. Danielle looked at them bitterly, all her hard work, her chances of getting somewhere, blasted from the water by the idea she had used her boyfriend’s name. She felt angry for a moment at Tom for costing her for a prestigious role. If he had been normal, an Average Joe, she would have gotten more credit for her hard work...she paused, feeling guilty. Danielle was no fool, she knew it was in no way Tom’s fault, she was just upset and venting. Tom was in Atlanta, blissfully unaware of the terrible mess her career was in. the thought of which caused her to pause for a moment. Her career was in shambles, one call from Lucas and Branagh could drop her, she could very easily be blacklisted and she would never be able to explain herself because of how the industry worked. Upset, she sat on the bed, heartbroken at how events had played out. She wanted to talk to Tom, to just hear his voice, but she was embarrassed, she did not want to tell him, she felt like a failure. With the word screaming like sirens in her head, she felt her chest starting to hurt from the sensation of it. She had failed.

As though by divine inspiration, her phone began to vibrate, taking it out, she looked sadly at it, a text from Tom, telling her he was proud of her and that he loved her. Danielle wanted to cry, but nothing happened, she merely stared sadly at the text, she felt unworthy of a successful and wonderful man such as Tom. she was about to throw the phone on the bed when she realised she had actually dialled his number, quickly, she pressed the cancel button, but only a moment later, he called back. Sadly, she pressed the answer button and put her phone to her ear, she was desperate to hear him. ‘Hey.’

‘Elle? Darling, what’s wrong, are you alright?’

‘Yeah, I am just so jet-lagged.’ she sighed, it was, after all, not lying. ‘I don’t know how you do it.’

‘How long were you working yesterday?’ he asked, his voice filled with concern.

‘I landed at half six, I went straight to the office, I got back at half eleven last night, I think.’

‘Jesus Elle, what time are you there today?’

‘I was there for eight.’

‘Are you still there now?’

‘No, I am at the hotel.’ she wished she had said nothing.

‘Can you grab a quick nap?’

‘I suppose.’

‘Do so darling, you need it, that is all that has gotten me through some days.’

‘How is everyone?’

‘Wonderful, it is great to see them all again.’ she could hear the elation in his voice.

‘Good.’ She tried to sound enthused.

‘Elle, whatever it is, are you alright?’ Tom’s voice was one of concern, yet it was clear he did not want to push her.

‘It’ll be fine.’

‘What happened?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Elle?’ He prodded.

Danielle attempted to say nothing, but the punch to the gut that was her day was pushing out. ‘I shouldn’t waste your…’

‘Danielle, stop, do not try to deflect, do not try to pretend you are alright and for the love of God, don’t you dare try and hang up on me.’ She said nothing. ‘What has happened, please tell me.’

‘Lucas made a comment regarding you coming with me to meet Branagh.’

‘Okay, why is there an issue with that?’

‘I am not sure, he brought his wife to his meeting with me and that was trans-Atlantic. But he went on to ask if I used you to…’ Danielle could hear Tom make an odd click noise with his tongue.

‘So…’ His tone was every attempt to be steady, but she could hear it waver slightly. ‘What happened?’

‘I stated I have not, nor shall I ever use you or your name in my work, that if anyone could not see the merit of my work as it is, then it did not matter and left.’

‘Left?’

‘Yes, I left. I am back at the hotel now.’

‘Elle…’

‘What, I am not going to have anyone dismiss me or my work.’

‘But your career…’ Danielle said nothing. ‘This is twice I have cost you work.’

‘No…’

‘Elle, because of me, Durham cost you a job you really wanted, and now this, you said this could catapult you into your career, skipping years of the drudgery, and I cost you again.’ he sounded heartbroken. ‘How are you even speaking to me? You should despise me.’

‘All I wanted was to hear your voice, I wish you were here.’ she admitted.

‘Why, you should want to break up with me.’

‘Tom, I don’t blame you, I blame them, it was never your fault, they chose to be assholes, you have been nothing but supportive and respectful of anything I have decided to do. I would not change this for the world. I rather work at Subway making sandwiches for forty years and have a crappy little two-bedroom in the council flats with you than all of this if it meant I still felt as supportive and loved, honestly.’

‘Really?’ Tom seemed somewhat taken back by that.

‘Yes, with the obligatory chav named for our kids and a terrible faux leopard print clothing and all.’ Tom chuckled. ‘I mean, full-on Vicky Pollard.’ That sent Tom laughing.

‘You would look ridiculous-looking like that.’

‘Yes, but so long as you were there, being you, in an Adidas trackie, Nike Airs and your white socks tucking your pants legs in, shitty tattoos of the kid's names on your forearms, if you still made me feel as happy, I would not change it.’

‘Well, that is one hell of a declaration.’ Tom’s smile was apparent. ‘I am sorry, though.’

‘So am I.’

‘How are you?’

‘I feel like absolute shit, I am tired, hungry and I feel like an absolute failure.’

‘I’m sorry, Elle.’

‘I tried.’

‘Can you fix it?’

‘I don’t know, and I don’t want to if it means I have to accept such comments about my integrity.’

‘That is your decision, you know I support you.’

‘Thank you.’ She smiled. ‘I…’ The room phone rang, 'One moment, Tom’ half in concern, she walked over and held it to her ear, ‘Hello.’

‘Ms. Hughes?’

‘Yes?’

‘This is reception calling, I have a Mr. Lucas Waters asking for your permission to come to your room?’ Her tone was sterile of emotion, a common trait in American receptionists, Danielle had realised.

‘I…’

‘Elle?’ She could hear Tom on her phone. ‘Perhaps it would be wise to listen to what he has to say.’

Danielle paused for a moment. ‘Is he there?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’

‘Could you please put him on for a moment?’

‘Of course, Ma’am.’

‘Danielle?’

‘If you want to talk, I will speak with you in the hotel bar, like hell am I bringing a man that is not Tom to my room.’ she stated coldly.

‘Of course, my apologies.’

‘I will be down in a moment.’ she hung up the phone without delay before putting her own phone to her ear, ‘Tom?’

‘My little fiery Irish girl.’ She could hear him smile. ‘Get an apology before anything else.’

‘At the very least.’ She promised.

‘I love you, good luck.’

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 105 #tom hiddleston #Tom hiddleston fic #wolfpawn

[saibh29]

She’s gone Girly (1/2)

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warning: Maybe a little bit of swearing and some fluff

AN: Oh wow, it’s bit so long since I posted anything I’ve wrote. To start with I had a very clingy baby who bless her suffered badly feeding wise and then I was just so uninspired.  I’m trying to write again though and have started with this.  A little Hiddleston bit of fluff that I wrote for my sister, who as background is in the military and heavily pregnant at the moment herself and suffering greatly. She also has an unhealthy obsession with Loki and Tom himself.  So hope you enjoy.... 

******

“I’m a whale"

You half wailed as you spun slightly too fast and your new frontal centre of gravity over balanced you, sending you skipping forward a few steps into your brother Sam’s chest. He grabbed your upper arms to steady you before patting your head in that slightly comforting, slightly condescending way that brothers did to younger sisters.

“true" he said with a smile “for a good reason though"

“You aren’t meant to agree with me, ass" you whacked his arm as you stepped away from his body. “You’re meant to comfort me. Tell me I look radiant or whatever other crap people say to heavily pregnant women to make them feel better about this" at the word this you waved at your extended stomach.

“You’re radiant" Sam agreed as you narrowed your eyes at him. “not just radiant, practically glowing with maternal energy"

“if I could move fast enough you’d be in serious trouble right now for those words Samuel"

“but you can’t and stress isn’t good for the baby, remember what the doctors keep telling you Y/N, you need to rest, take it easy"

“I hate you"

“no" Sam reasoned giving in and wrapping an arm around your slumped forward shoulders “you hate being pregnant. Which I could have told you that you would months ago"

“I do" you agreed “I know I’m not meant to, that it’s meant to be glorious and everything a woman dreams off but Jesus it’s just making me miserable I just want it to be over already"

“what did Tom say?”

“He muttered something about hormones" Sam winced which made you smile. “exactly. He retreated fairly quickly after that one"

“surely it can’t be much longer till the sprog makes their arrival"

“sprog?”

“well you won’t tell me what it is so I had to improvise"

You might have carried on being annoyed at his nickname for your child but said child chose that moment to viciously kick your ribs and you decided that whatever insulting name Sam wanted to bestow on them was probably deserved.

“3 weeks" rubbing at the top of your belly you tried to press the baby further down from under your rib cage so you could breathe at least semi comfortably. “3 weeks until the due date at least"

“it could be longer though"

“not if it knows what’s good for it"

You suddenly yawned almost breaking your jaw in two with the force of it. You hadn’t slept much last night as the baby had decided 3am was a wonderful time to take up Irish dancing on your bladder. You had contemplated waking tom and making him read to you but he had had an early start this morning and you weren’t quite that cruel. So instead giving up on laying down you had waddled to the couch and watched back to back episodes of Ru Paul’s drag race as the sun crawled over the London skyline.

“hey" Sam nudged your chin shutting your mouth once more. “you can do 3 weeks Y/N. If you can handle months in an Afghan desert with no comforts or privacy, and training then you can deal with 3 more weeks of pregnancy"

“I know I can... I just don’t want to"

“you don’t want to?”

“No, no I don’t. Shit Sam I have to pee every 5 minutes, I can’t breathe, I’m constantly hungry and the baby thinks kicking me is an ongoing joke of legendary proportions. I’m tired but every time I lay down I just get stuck and this whole thing is just...” you had to stop talking because you had started crying and hiccupping along with your words. Sniffing like a sick toddler as your nose ran with your tears.

Sam looked both horrified and scared at the same time. You never cried, you never got emotional and you were never a girl. To be fair he was still semi in shock that you were having a child in the first place, that you’d actually been attracted to a male. After living in the desert with a platoon of soldiers he’d doubted that you would ever find the male species attractive again. So, to see you sobbing like a real girl was just a step to far into the abnormal.

“there there" he patted you uselessly on the back. “shit Y/N... don’t cry" when all you did was sniffle more he gave in once more and tried to hug you, although the baby bump kind of made it awkward. “look it’s going to be fine. You got this, if you can’t sleep laying down then sit up, if you’re hungry just bloody eat and... and well I don’t know what to do about the kicking or the peeing but hey, this is all going to be forgotten in 3 weeks when you have a baby. A real baby Y/N"

“I...I...”

“words sis, I need words to understand you"

“idiot" you managed to wrench the tears back under control and smacked his chest once more at the teasing. You even allowed yourself to be led to the sofa and helped to sit down.

“tea?”

“That shouldn’t even be a question"

Happier now there was something for him to be doing rather than trying to comfort you Sam left you sat there flicking through Netflix films as he went to pop the kettle on. Seeing you cry was just one step to far into weirdness. It didn’t happen.

Tom arrived back just as the kettle had boiled and Sam was stirring coffee into his cup and tea into his sister’s. He smiled at his brother in law who dumped his bag on the floor and came over.

“didn’t expect to see you here today”

“Y/N called... she’s...well…"

Tom sighed rubbing at his temples “Is she alright?”

Sam fidgeted slightly before it came bursting out “she cried! Y/N never cries, even when we were kids she never cried. God she’s practically gone full 100% female all of sudden"

“apart from the fact she was crying that sentence was almost amusing"

Sam sighed sliding the tea over to Tom. “you take it to her I can’t deal with anymore shocks from my sister right now. I have to meet Saul anyway we have plans that involve drinking things our sister currently can’t"

“you want to risk not saying bye to her? Brave man”

Sam just smirked “4 years with my sister and still you haven’t learnt that discretion is the better part of valour, it’s much easier with Y/N to simply apologise for what you’ve already done rather than ask permission for what you want to do."

He gave Tom a quick man hug before grabbing his coat and disappearing through the door.

Tom took the tea and the abandoned coffee Sam had made through to the living room where you were sat flicking through films on the sofa. Your face lit up in a way that made his heart soar when you saw it was him not Sam.

“I didn’t realise you’d be home so early"

“it finished early" that was a lie.

His recording hadn’t finished early but he’d been worried about you. He knew you hadn’t been sleeping and the pregnancy wasn’t easy for you.

His wife was possibly the worst pregnant woman ever, too used to being active and independent. At the beginning the morning sickness had made you suffer, you’d had a few weeks between the first and third trimester that hadn’t been so bad and then you’d started to get too big to be as active as you wanted to be. That was when the real misery had started. You only truly relaxed when he was around as well, even if you wouldn’t admit it. So, he had just wanted to be here for you.

Kissing the top of your head Tom sat beside you letting you take the tea off of him. “Sam ran, didn’t he?”

“something about a sister who had suddenly turned female, that and the lure of alcohol"

You managed to laugh at that leaning over so your head went to his shoulder. Tom wrapped his arm around you, fingers naturally resting on the baby bump.

“I cried" you admitted softly. “I’m not really sure why I cried maybe you were on to something with the hormone comment. That’s a good excuse, right?”

“I don’t think you need an excuse darling" he pushed you forward gently so his hands could move to your shoulders rubbing at the tension there. “You’re pregnant, quite literally growing another human. You can react how you’d like"

“that is the correct answer" you couldn’t help but groan in pleasure as his hands dug a little harder into your muscles. “god I am just so tired Tom. I wasn’t even this tired after a full 15-month tour of Afghan"

“Would you like me to read to you?”

Normally that suggestion would have your instant agreement. Tom reading anything to you, even the phonebook, in that deep voice would get you to agree to anything. Right now though. “not if it means you moving"

He chuckled to himself but still pulled you back to his chest so you were laying on him once more.

You wriggled a bit as the baby decided to kick hard, this time into your liver. Your hand going to the left side of your bump and pressing trying to get the baby to quit battering its mother.

“Darling?”

“Your child likes beating up its mother” you winced as one more kick collided with your already bruised organs. “Jesus, I swear people said this was meant to be a magical experience”

Tom allowed himself to smile, but only as he was fairly certain you couldn’t see his face. Moving your hand, he pulled your shirt up and put his own hand on the bare skin of your stomach gently rubbing. “Hello little one, if you could please stop kicking your mother that would be wonderful”

The baby kicked hard once more against Tom’s hand, he would never get tired of feeling that, but then he did accept the fact that he didn’t have to feel it constantly on varying organs.

“Shhh, calm down” he soothed hand continuing to trail lazily over your stomach. “Shall I tell you a story? But you have to stay still and let mum sleep. Deal?”

The baby didn’t kick and you couldn’t help but smile. “Quick speak” you hissed “and don’t you dare move your hands, this child only seems to listen to you”

Tom continued speaking in that soft low voice telling the baby some sort of story about his day and the animals he’d seen in the zoo while they’d been shooting. It was just as good as reading to you and without the pain of the baby’s foot in your ribs and with Tom’s voice just behind your ear you finally fell asleep.

*******

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