#me taking a break from deancas angst to write something wholesome and pain-free

[fromcenotaphy]

Sam and Cas and chaos energy

incomplete list of Sam and Castiel’s Chaos Hangouts, organized by the number of gunshot wounds involved:

zero:

locking a witch and a hacker in a warehouse together to decode a forbidden spellbook of dark magic in order to perform a ritual that will lift an ancient curse and coincidentally also unleash a primordial cosmic force into the world {Chaos Level: 4/10. this escapade demonstrates poor planning but is fairly pragmatic.}

Cas struggling to remove his physical hand from Sam’s chest in order to keep Lucifer from detonating Sam’s soul, a situation they are in because Cas has agreed to be possessed by an archangel and Sam has aggressively volunteered to let his soul be used as a battery  {Chaos Level: 6/10. extremely haphazard but only somewhat chaotic.}

trying to extract angel grace from Sam’s body using a giant syringe that they found in the Bunker along with some random untested instructions they also found  {Chaos Level: 8/10. baseline Sam and Cas messaround.}

poking around in the Bunker archives until they find the key to Death’s library so that Sam can bluff his way past a cosmic void entity in order to steal the book that contains the secret to defeating God  {Chaos Level: 9/10. this is a standard Sam and Cas plan but with extra non-Earth dimensions added in.}

wrestling on a diner floor because Sam got brainwashed into believing he’s a 50s-era head of the household named Justin  {Chaos Level: 18/10. off-the-charts Sam and Cas chaos energy.}

one:

Sam missing a ghost with a salt round and shooting Cas instead {Chaos Level: 9/10. includes gems such as: Cas states the obvious in a deadpan voice, Sam doesn’t apologize for waking up that morning and choosing chaos, also a literal clown is there.}

Sam going into a coma because they decided to have Cas probe the magic gunshot wound in Sam’s shoulder that is tethering Sam’s soul to God because Sam previously decided to shoot God with a magic gun  {Chaos Level: 12/10. extra chaos points added because they have learned nothing from the Gadreel grace incident.}

psychically contacting their dead father figure so that he can orchestrate a mass soul prison break creating a distraction so that Cas can sneak into Heaven and break Metatron out of jail and bring him back to Earth in order to cut out his grace so that Sam can shoot Metatron in the leg and then Sam and Cas can finish each other’s sentences as they sass Metatron together while he screams in pain  {Chaos Level: 100/10. the levels of pandemonium, batshit planning, interdimensional mayhem, and violent off-the-cuff sass here are unparalleled.}

multiple:

gunfight in a bar full of demons that 1) starts because Cas decided to go alone to meet a demon in a bar in order to ask him for information about a rogue archangel and 2) ends because Sam yells to the room that he is Extremely Done with Hell politics and will shank the next person who brings it up  {Chaos Level: 15/10. this is only held back from being an easy 50/10 by the fact that Cas is chained to a chair the whole time the fight is happening.}

(inspired by this post which i am still laughing about)

#spn #sam #castiel #brOTP #anyway i love them #chaos duo #bros-in-law #they have learned nothing in 11 seasons and i support it #text post #cenotaphy posts #me taking a break from deancas angst to write something wholesome and pain-free? it's more likely than you think #i can't tag this as crack bc it's just a retelling of actual events on the show