#my entire life has just been a massive cesspit of sleep deprivation

[onlyfangz]

when i say im an insomniac, i dont mean i fall asleep at 2am and feel a bit run down the next day. when i say im an insomniac, i mean once when unmedicated, i didnt sleep for three days, hallucinated, and was hospitalised, and when i am medicated, it takes 10mg of melatonin before my body decides it might fall asleep before 7am, so i hope yous can understand my frustration that "i overslept" isnt an acceptable excuse.

#charlie.txt #my entire life has just been a massive cesspit of sleep deprivation #i feel like insomnia is seen as this kind of normalised thing that everyone deals with #and whilst its like #im not trying to say people with regular insomnia dont struggle or have it bad #i have never met anyone in my entire life who has such trouble sleeping as i do #ive been like this since i was a baby #an actual baby who couldnt even hold his own head up #right through my entire childhood #teen years #and then up to now #theres never been a single period in my life where ive known what its like to sleep well #im constantly running on near empty and yet society expects me to give up more than i have for it #and its like. im not trying to be condescending here. but my issues with sleeping have made me suicidal in the past. #ive just wanted to end it all so i can get a moments fucking rest #and it feels diminishing when someone tells me they stayed up til 3am last night so they get where my frustrations lie