#my mom's miserable btw. you think i can take her path and not go absolutely insane? naw!!!!...

[bredforloyalty]

ok going back soon to the regularly scheduled posting. nothing changed it's just that the sun is up and i feel braver being a girlwreck so we're back to that not so sweet spot where i just don't care. just don't care. so what if i don't hand in anything or hand it in a week later and get a bad mark and have to apologize profusely and everyone's disappointed and they think i'll never amount to anything. what about it. what are they gonna do, kill me? better make it count. better make it hurt. because otherwise, well i do not care

#it's my armor it's the only useful thing my father taught me #i hate being a shell of a person though #but what can you do. in this environment. in this economy. i mean come on #so what if i never amount to anything. the world needs cashiers and janitors and maids. i can be that #i'd love to work with my hands‚ my brain is kind of killing me #getting in the way. i can't be someone with a diploma‚ i can't be like my mom for real #for real! but the other option is my dad and you know how i feel about that #my mom's miserable btw. you think i can take her path and not go absolutely insane? naw!!!!... #i do know that blue and pink collar jobs are not equal to ''not amounting to anything'' btw #that's just what certain people would say that means‚ in my case? like there's something people expect from me #and then i suck at it but i'm also like a delicate soft-shelled turtle or maybe a turtle without its shell at 20. seems like i wouldn't be #good at like‚ costumer service or manual labor. i feel like i'd crumble they say i'd crumble #but maybe i should just take that chance cause it's better and more fitting than whatever this is and eventually i'll be happy #i could still help people and be relatively comfortable without a degree.. i don't know why i act like i want this #well i do know but i've already said a lot of stupid personal shit and i don't even have time for this i'm wasting time right now #so.. whatever 🥴 #kata.txt