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justatinybunwriting · 1 year

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Melody

The 16th writing prompt

Synopsis: Jac becomes mesmerized and drawn to the sound of a magical song, it's mysterious power said to soothe beasts and make flowers bloom.

The morning announced it's arrival with a brilliant orange that blanketed the entire eastern sky. Jac was early to rise, which was typically unusual when it came to weekends. But what prompted the young woman to remove the crust particles from her eyes was a sound so soothing, yet breathtaking that it resonated throughout the family farm. A nostalgic feeling welled up over her, and she was eager to watch and listen as the voice continued to echo across the fields and into the canopy of the resting trees.

It came from none other than her stepfather, Gerald B. Fincher, who was singing a hymn that had been past down through generations of the Green Men since ancient times. It took on a strong baritone for much of the first half, with it bridging to a surprising yet seamless higher note which Jac describes as fluffy and 'light as air.' The song looped continuously as soon as the alto reached its climax, a true endless tune that only ceases when the vocalist deemed it so. The human woman understood not a single word of it but that didn't deter her from becoming completely enamored by it's sound.

The best part of being a spectator of her pop's "concert of the fields" so to speak is observing the reactions from the farm animals and the surrounding nature. The Green Man's primary stock and trade are the fleece of giant vegetable sheep, and every morning he rounds up a herd of nearly a hundred of them simply by the calls of his song. The very melody seems to hypnotically tame the entire masses as they never fail to follow his every move- no need for a shepherd dog if he can do everything himself. What intrigued Jac the most was that he never seemed to tire or take breaks to catch his breath, working till the morning's end largely without ceasing his tune. That to her was an amazing accomplishment all by itself.

Unfortunately for the young woman, her stepfather stopped at the midst as soon as he spotted her in the clearing. He had successfully herded the sheep into their grazing pasture, so there was no need for him to continue anyway at this point. Jac however, was kicking herself internally for not making a better effort to hide.

"Good morning Jac! You're up early." Her stepdad said.

"Mornin' pops..." Jac said plainly. "You... don't have to stop, you know... because of me..."

"What do you mean?"

"Your song! I love listening to it."

"Oh!" Traces of a blush could be seen on his cheeks, but he kept focus on his work as he continued to speak. "Well, my song isn't like other giant's, you see... My voice is carried through the wind, so it vibrates across the fields and travels far and wide! If I see you're close by, I couldn't possibly resume knowing that it could potentially hurt your ears."

"I know dad." Jac tried her best not to groan, but traces of this could be heard from her voice. "I could get out of your way then.."

"Now, now..."

Gerald walked over to the human and bent down with the equivalent of a couple of yards away from her. Compared to the common giants his frame was enormous at a whopping ninety feet, so while despite trusting her dad just about as much as Richard and Bo, it still amazes her just how big he is in comparison.

"If you want to leave, then I'm not going to stop you." He said "But it's been a long time since I've seen you round the farm. I could use your company, even if only for a short time. It would give me a much needed break to clear my throat after all."

Jac considered his words. After awhile she would nod, and while she was dissatisfied by not hearing the song for the duration of their union, she was certain that she would be given the opportunity again when the time came for the sheep to return to their pens. So without further delay, Jac hopped on to the hand that was presented to her, which would then lift her slowly and steadily before she was placed on the giant's shoulder.

For the next hour or so, the two would talk about this and that while Gerald kept a watchful eye on the herd. Jac couldn't help but bring up the hymn after the topical subjects had run dry, and while her stepdad was hesitant to bring up the details surrounding it at first, he figured that it likely wouldn't matter if he told her at least some of what he knew. He trusted his own daughter to keep it just between the two of them.

"I mentioned to you before that my father taught me when I was a growing boy," he explained, "The song has deep meaning to us Nature Giants, and is one of many that hold the primary source of magic for our own kind. When we utter it, the breeze will carry it adrift, making sick and dying flowers healthy again. When we sing it out loud, it's like a gust that travels across distant lands, or so I've been told. This has the power to tame beasts as you have seen, as well as hold other positive benefits."

"That's amazing! I guess that the second one worked on me too?"

"I wish it would calm humans down the way it does with you." Gerald laughed. "But I'm glad you think it's worth listening to."

"Of course! You're the best singer I know!"

"Oh please! You flatter me! You should have heard my grandmother, she was one of the best vocalists of our town! Folks from all around would gather to hear her voice."

The elder giant then had a darker expression over him, his eyes contemplating deeper thoughts that made him silent for a minute. Jac's smile slowly fell upon realizing this, and she asked him if there was anything the matter. The Nature Giant declined to elaborate at first, but he decided to ease her into the details bit by bit.

"Jac, it's important that you don't speak a word to this to anyone."

"Uh... sure thing. I promise."

After a long sigh, her stepfather spoke.

"The lyrics to our songs are from a giant language from this part of the world that is widely believed to have gone extinct." As Gerald told his story, he took momentary pauses to wipe the hint of tears in his eyes. "Not even I know the meaning behind them. I wish I had asked my grandparents or the elders about about it, but they have all left this world now..."

Jac's eyes began to water as well. This is the first she's heard of this and it contradicted some of her previous thoughts.

"I thought Nature giants can live for a millennia or more. That's what I, heard.."

"That was the case for a time.." Her father spoke with his voice hung low. "But... not sure if it's true or not... but I have a theory that since we are similar to the plants and trees, I suspect that it may be to do with the ever increasing presence of pollution in our planet. While we pretend that nothing's wrong when we speak to everyone else, I suspect that there aren't very many of us left..."

"That's terrible!" Jac exclaimed. "Why do you want to keep that a secret? Don't you think that there's folks that could help you in some way?"

"I don't want to be held captive in a greenhouse!"

Jac was shaken by the words that came out of his mouth, as well as the pained anger that fueled the volume of that last statement. To his fright, Gerald put a hand to the tiny woman's back and began to stroke her ever so gently.

"I'm sorry.."

"It's okay dad. I'm just... I don't know what to say..."

"I was just as shocked as you were when I first heard about it. Simply put, it's a domed city where they house small populations of green giants in at least one other country, to try to 'preserve their lifespan' under a controlled environment, or so they claim. They provide good food, good housing, but... I hate to think that I'd be forced to stay stuck in one place for the rest of my life. To me that sounds no better than a prison." He shook his head. "If keeping my freedom to go wherever I please means that I will whither away sooner than so be it. I don't want to be cooped up like that. I'm sorry."

After that there was silence, as the two tried to comfort each other the best they could. Afterwards what little conversation they had were small and light, as in what ice cream flavors they will be having after the workload had mostly been accomplished. While the topic was never brought up again, the gravity of the revelation weighed down on Jac for the rest of the day.

Soon it came time for the older Green Man to round up his herd. Jac was placed far enough away from the fields and the barnyard as Gerald thought was acceptable, which got a complaint from the smaller woman, though she chose not to dwell on it. Soon enough, the song was heard once more from a distance, which Jac couldn't help but get a closer look towards but only slightly. As she watched her stepfather exercise his vocal chords and move the massive crowd of rams and ewes into their pens, a new sense of realization clouded Jac's mind.

The day her father passes away, the song will likely die with him.

With a wipe to her eyes, Jac sought to appreciate the moment to the fullest and never failed to look away until the last sheep was brought in and the tune was done for the day. And she would continue to enjoy listening to the concert of the fields for many more years thereafter.

#bun does writing #main series #oc: jac #oc: gerald #jac in the beanstalk society #sfw giant #gerald is a gentle soul #I should do more with him in the future x3

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seliverydervice · 2 years

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n's july delights!

in an attempt to forge a time capsule of the things i enjoy, here is my first try: a recap of my july! includes: a personal recap, books, and films/shows. i wanted to include comics, as well as music and poetry, but the length already more closely resembles an amateur's attempt at an editorial piece than a wrap-up written by someone who actually knows what they're doing—so maybe next time.

PERSONAL RECAP

i wanted to savour the saturday night of summer (as august is its sunday night; and yes, i am stating this now, and i am still planning on repeating it for august’s wrap-up!) the best i could. i can’t say for sure whether i was successful, but the month kicked off with a trip to bali, and shortly after my return, i took another trip to bogor! lovely were the people in bali, and lovely were the sights to see in bogor. we took a historical tour bus in bogor, something i had never done before, and our tour guide was an old man who spoke with so much certainty that my mom and i were certain he’d been there himself; he talked about the pool parties in the 18th century like he was present to see the dutch cannonball into (what is now known as) the oldest swimming pool in bogor. my mom thought he was just old, but i was positive he was a vampire.

he must’ve heard our conversation, because out of nowhere, he clarified he was fifty-five. mom was mortified. we bumped into him again at a mini-market after the tour. i was stocking up on snacks and masks; he only brought with him a bottle of water, and he stood directly in front of me at the line for the cashier. he recognized my family and my stepdad paid for his drink. (until now, my family and i all think the hotel—who had hosted the tour—should have bought him a bottle of water too, given as they’d included a snack (a hot dog that wasn’t a hot dog) and water for the people taking the tour. so why not the tour guide, too?)

BOOKS

this was such a delightful month! i had a reading slump that began in march (or was it february? i should have kept a diary), and i’m happy to say i’ve gotten back into the swing of things! i eased myself back into reading by starting off with a middle grade book (it was r.l. stine—i started the month with a taste for horror), and i’ve adopted a new reading principle: to read whatever i want to. it’s an obvious tip, one i really should have employed years ago, but i’ve always had an issue re: picking up books that actually interest me vs. reading what other people like even when they aren’t my cup of tea. i wasn’t afraid (okay, maybe i was a little scared) to try reading books i couldn’t get through before too—some books deserve second chances—and i managed to this time. more than that, i loved them! there are books you can’t get through because they really aren’t for you, and then there are books you stumbled upon when it wasn’t the right time. and re-discovering them again, when the time is right and the stars have aligned, is nothing short of wonderful.

if you check out any of the books, please heed their trigger warnings!

THE MAJESTIES by TIFFANY TSAO

why-dunnit. a girl in a coma, with nothing else better to occupy her time, retraces her memories to understand why her sister murdered their entire family. set in jakarta, and i know i’m biased, but i am fond of books that aren’t set in north america or western europe. this left me reeling.

REBECCA by DAPHNE DU MAURIER

if i knew how to write like du maurier, i would never stop writing. everything about this book is iconic. the prose? top notch. she was so good at painting a vivid image of everything that was happening while staying on theme; there was a sense of eeriness to the writing, even in the story’s lighter moments. this is about a girl (we never find out her name) who has recently become the new mistress of manderley. unfortunately for her, unpleasant things await, most of them borne from the ghost of her husband’s dead wife’s memory. a ghost story, even in the absence of a literal ghost.

HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE by DIANA WYNNE JONES

this was my first diana wynne jones book! i am one of the many whose first exposure to howl’s moving castle was the ghibli movie. i still love the movie, don’t get me wrong, but if there was a way i could time travel to my childhood and give little me a copy of the book, i would. it’s not a slight against the movie at all; i just wonder how i would have grown up had diana wynne jones been one of my childhood companions. this book is a perfect example that you don’t need a complicated magic system for a book to be magical. in fact, i think it’s one of the most magical things i’ve ever read. sophie gets cursed and turns into an old lady, and seeks refuge as well as answers at the wizard howl’s moving castle. there, she befriends the fire demon calcifer, howl’s apprentice michael, and even howl himself.

WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE by SHIRLEY JACKSON

as you can probably tell, i had a bit of a gothic kick. this story is as haunting as it is eccentric. our narrator, mary catherine blackwood (merricat), lives in a big house with what is left of her family: her cat, her sister, and her uncle. the rest are dead. the townspeople hate them, and she hates them right back. things start to change when their cousin, charles, moves in with them. i feel like this is one of the books where the less you know about it, the better, but if you want to know what the book is about; i think, most of all, it is about isolation. (also: constance and merricat are one of my favourite sisters in literature.)

EMMA by JANE AUSTEN

remember what i said about picking up books that previously came at the wrong time? this is one of them. i can’t remember exactly when i first tried reading emma, but what matters is i did eventually try reading it again, and this time, i loved it! emma woodhouse is... she’s everything to me. she is an icon. a legend. she is the moment, one of the first ever it girls #ToMe. it is likely a familiar story (hello, clueless?), but seeing emma constantly be off the mark about matchmaking, the exact thing she claims is her talent (and to be fair, it’s not like she has a god-awful track record), is hilarious. i just know jane austen was giggling and kicking her feet writing some of this. what appealed the most to me was not the romance, but emma herself. you just can’t help but root for her!

REPUTATION by LEX CROUCHER

this is mean girls meets gossip girl but regency. honestly, this was probably the funniest book i read this month, but it’s not just fun and games—it has its moments when it gets dark, so please, look up the trigger warnings if you decide to read it. our protagonist, georgiana, has been sent to stay with her aunt and uncle over the season by her absent parents. she finds it dull, but is saved from her boredom by frances campbell, wealthy socialite and trouble magnet. frances adopts georgiana into her group of friends, introducing her to a world of opulence, splendour, and debauchery.

STEERING THE CRAFT by URSULA K. LE GUIN

i confess: though i claim to be a writer, i barely read writing books. but, if you want to read a book on writing at least once in your life, i could not recommend ‘steering the craft’ enough. le guin was a master of her craft, and this book is pretty much my new holy scripture. she gives advice without sounding patronizing, and this book just makes writing feel so... accessible? she shares her opinions on some of the more popular writing tips and it’s just... wow (active vs. passive voice comes to mind). i don’t think i can summarize it and do it justice. the book has writing exercises, too!

FILMS/SHOWS

EMMA (2020) dir. AUTUMN DE WILDE

i’m pretty sure this was the only movie i watched in july that i actually liked, and it wasn’t even a first watch! there is just something very comforting about emma (2020). watching it in july counted more as a re-watch, but it was my first time watching it after reading the source material, so it was an entirely different experience, too. this movie is warm and hopeful, and it feels like a hug and a steaming cup of tea on a rainy day. also it has anya taylor-joy, and can you really go wrong with anya taylor-joy? if anything, watch it to see the scene where she gets a nosebleed on cue.

SUCCESSION by JESSE ARMSTRONG

i could write an essay on succession, but i doubt i would have anything new to contribute. if you've never seen the show yourself, you're probably going to think there's something wrong with me, but listen. listen. i know this show is about rich people and stocks and business with snippets of dialogue that sounds like it came from a stan twt sentence generator, but it is also: a shakesperean tragedy, and the depth of it only continues to unravel as we progress further and further into the show. the acting is amazing. the directing, too, and the writing is one of the best i've ever seen on television. it's game of thrones if game of thrones was set in a modern day, corporate structure. these characters are not good people. they're rich assholes who have no idea how the real world works. but they're human, and they're three-dimensional; they're interesting, they're tragic, and they're so compelling you can't help but to keep watching, whether you want to see them fail or succeed.

#monthly wrap up #book recs #i feel hesitant about tagging this as film or show rec as i only have one of each lol #so maybe not!#book recommendations

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years

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Jameson's first time on the run would also be super interesting

CW: Escaped pet whumpee, internalized dehumanization, touch starvation, brief reference to dubcon at the end, hunger

"Oh, you're lookin' a mess." The woman drops into a crouch next to where the pet sits on the curb, her head tilted. Her voice tastes like the smell of freshly-mown grass. Long dark hair braided with brightly colored fake strands layers a mix of black and red, blue and purple, green and yellow against the side of her face. She seems like she has a thousand of them, the little braids, pulled back against the nape of her neck and falling to frame her face.

Bright streaks of color decorate her cheekbones, glitter along her eyelids, turn her lips to a pink that is inhuman.

He swallows, looking sidelong at her, almost afraid to look directly. She's dressed in a red tank top and matching skirt, fishnet stockings peeking out from underneath, heavy boots at the end.

She barely seems real.

Will she simply vanish, some colorful hallucination brought on by how hungry he is?

"I'm fine," He snaps, making his hoarse voice as furious as he can -a dog with hackles raised, a cat poofing all its fur out to look bigger than he is - but she only smiles a little wider with those neon pink lips against her pale skin.

"No, you're not," she points out. His eyes drop to the platforms of her shoes, adding a good four inches to her tiny frame. "You're a run-off pet, is what you are, and prob'ly you're half-starved like all the others. Huh? Am I right?"

His shoulders hunch, heart racing at fear chills his spine. "How do you-... how would you even know how to tell that?"

"Collar." She points, and he's not surprised to see her fingernails match her hair. "You're still wearin' it, kitty cat."

"Don't call me that." He looks away, but one hand raises to finger the soft leather, the clinking metal of his tag. It's the last thing he has of Nanda, the thing he doesn't want to lose. His stomach drops and his heart twists.

Nanda.

All his fault, all his fault, all his fault.

You fucking asshole, I miss you.

"Well, what should I call you, then? When I buy you some dinner?" She grins, wide and bright, and her teeth are a little bit crooked. She's beautiful.

His eyes go back to her, looking for the trick, the trap, but he can't see one. She's tiny, even with the boots she's smaller than he is. He could probably push her down and run if she tried something.

He could...

Oh, but he could be good for her. Maybe she'd let him sleep on her floor if he was. Out of the wet and the smell of trash in the alleyways where he's sleeping now.

"What do you-... what do you want me to do for it?" he asks, hesitantly. His other hand starts to worry at the seams of the jeans he stole and has been wearing for three days straight now. His stomach grumbles, disloyal as always, giving him away as more desperate than he wants to look.

"That's easy, pretty boy," She half-coos, and his lips twist in an answering snarl. "I want you to eat. Breaks my heart, to see you all come through this part of town. I just got paid, so I can afford to be a little nice tonight and still have enough for my good times later."

"How many of us are there? The... the runaways?"

"Never more'n a handful. The pigs pick you up pretty fast, you all give yourselves away real quick. Trust me." She puts a hand on his shoulder, and he bristles, but he doesn't pull away.

Good pets don't.

The pet licks at his lips. If they find him - the police - they'll know it's his fault Nanda died, and they'll send him back for refurbishment, clean-wipe resold, no more of the him in his brain left. Like dying. He can't do that.

He can't.

"What should I-... how should I stay hidden? Away? From the-... the ones who will know?"

"Oh, baby." She sighs, but it's a kind sound, and when she pushes herself back to standing and holds out a hand, he takes it and stands as well. The world briefly spins around him, hungry enough to feel dizzy, but it settles before he falls over again. "Everyone's gonna know. You're not exactly subtle. You can buy some time, though. First, you gotta lose the collar."

"I-... I can't." Panic stirs at even the thought. The only thing that keeps a pet safe at all is their collar. Without it... without it, anything can happen.

"Well, then it definitely won't take long. But you might as well have dinner before some asshole looks at you and sees prime rib. C'mon, baby, I'll buy you some food over at Pita House, my cousin's stepdad owns the place. We'll get a discount and he won't tell the cops. You like falafel?"

He blinks. "I don't-... I don't fucking know what that is."

"Seriously? What kind of no-culture owner-... well, you'll learn about it tonight." She squeezes his hand, and he finds himself tremulously, nervously answering her bright and shining smile. Maybe he can trust her grass-voice taste. Maybe she's safe. "Believe me, runaway, you're gonna love falafel."

He nods, and lets her lead him away.

Maybe there are nice people in the world after all.

When she leads him inside, he doesn't notice how she picks up her phone to text someone. He smells food and voices and his stomach is gnawing him from the inside out, and he's grateful for her kindness.

He doesn't see the message she sends.

Found a runaway. He's cute. Come fuck him up with me.

@astrobly @finder-of-rings @burtlederp @whump-tr0pes @raigash @eatyourdamnpears @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @boxboysandotherwhump @outofangband @whumptywhumpdump @whumpfigure @thehopelessopus @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @butwhatifyouwrite @newandfiguringitout @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump @oops-its-whump @endless-whump @cubeswhump @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @whumpiary

#whump #dubcon mention #escaped whumpee #pet whump tw #dehumanization tw #jameson bb #runaway whumpee #box boy #bbu #box boy universe #whumper as caretaker #touch starved #hunger tw

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thessalian · 2 years

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Thess vs Sacrifices

Quick thing before I collapse, because today was hard. Like, really hard. It wasn’t a great pain day to begin with but my bus got diverted and why? Because despite having spent months tearing up the road and replacing all the pipes and fucking up my commute for the best part of a year, apparently something went monumentally wrong and my bus home got diverted for emergency water works and I had to walk up a massive hill after an already difficult day. I hate Thames Water with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

Anyway, I survived another dinner at the parentals’ house on Sunday. Honestly it wasn’t too bad. The dog has decided he adores me because I have the best petting hands, and conversation didn’t go to anyplace too tense beyond a moment when my strongly Conservative-supporting mother actually defended Boris Johnson with, “He’s just an unfortunate public speaker”. ...I mean, that too, but ... look, my mother thinks that Margaret Thatcher saved this country (the way Ronald Reagan saved the US, in her eyes - I AM NOT SAYING I AGREE WITH THIS, BY THE WAY) and thus she is very pro-Tory and has serious issues with the fact that the current leader of the Conservative party is a lying, cheating, slovenly, heedless berk. She has chosen denial. I may not agree with it, but as long as it means no shouting matches at the dinner table, I’ll just leave that alone.

But seriously, if one ever needs proof that I love my mother, we now have it. See, Mum’s a big fan of science fiction, fantasy, horror, all the stuff I picked up from her by osmosis. Well, mostly. Frank Herbert’s never been hugely my jam. Mum, however, loved all the Dune books. And of course, the new movie just came out. Thing is, while she loves all that stuff, it’s not something she shares with my stepdad. He finds it all absolutely ridiculous and doesn’t really engage with it - he’ll be more or less okay with it if it’s on the TV where he can read the paper or something, but he’s not going to go out of his way to go to the cinema, even to make Mum happy.

Thing is ... I’m not a huge Dune fan. And I have some significant issues with the cinema - migraines, mostly. I don’t think a movie like Dune is going to go easy on me in that regard, so it generally wouldn’t be on my radar. I mean, I don’t want to be sitting in a cinema with people who may or may not mask up anyway, and sitting in one of those little cinema seats for two and a half hours is probably going to be painful in the extreme. Add all that to migraine and you get a whole lot of “I’m not going to see a movie at the cinema if it isn’t something I really want to see”. And I don’t really, desperately want to see Dune.

...But my mother does. And my stepdad won’t go with her. And she hates going to the cinema alone. So I offered, when she mentioned the movie, to go with her. I’d been thinking about doing that anyway but thought I’d spare myself a little bit and wait until she expressed an interest to make the offer. Since she did ... well, I know I’m going to damn well suffer but at least I know it’ll make her happy. I also set some rules - we’re doing it when I’m on my week off next week (I have so much annual leave, seriously; I shouldn’t feel bad for taking what I’m owed but I kinda do - which is not to say that I won’t take it...), we’ll have lunch beforehand, we’ll go straight home afterwards and she will not expect a conversation out of me when we leave the cinema. I explained to her point-blank that I would be in no condition to string a sentence together, more than likely. She understood and accepted that. This is probably a good solid step in the right direction.

So I’m going to go see Dune and I will pay for it with agony but it’ll make Mum happy, so whatever. I’ll just have to make sure I’m appropriately stocked on mallet meds for afterwards. And set up a meal that takes no actual prep for dinner.

Someone please remind me of this the next time I worry about not being a good person?

#Thess has parental units #Thess has chronic migraine

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chicago-geniza · 3 years

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well i intended to go for a nice evening walk, ended up having a panic attack, ordering a couple of cocktails at the bougie bar, joining a jam session with a bunch of old hippies on the logan green (one of them gave me a handpainted wooden medallion which seems to be carved out of tree bark, strung on a length of yarn???), met a crustpunk train-hopping dude in town for the month (& his dog, in a leather-studded harness) who's lived in 45/50 states & a 44 yr old guy everyone called "the wizard" wearing a tattered, patch-covered robe who shares most of my parents' conspiracy theories & considers himself a latter-day prophet, he bought us sorbet & ice cream, wound up hanging out with them & staying up all night at their indescribably eclectic, cluttered, blood-spattered (!!!) apartment, belonging to 44 yr old guy's art curator father & decorated accordingly, smoking m*th & listening to music & talking (or rather listening to them rant/rave/recount stories from their incredibly wild lives), i gave them advice on applying for unemployment & medicaid & how to appear compliant enough w/ carceral psychiatric intervention so they won't section you without actually submitting to forced medication or institutionalization, especially if they assign you a case worker & do regular "wellness checks." also how to pass off certain aspects of behavioral dysregulation as executive dysfunction, get them to pay for an adhd evaluation, get an adderall IR scrip, sell the 30 mg pills (cite body weight, high doses of other psych meds as reason for higher dose; look sincere; play to systemic biases toward cis white men, unfortunately), & use the cash to buy m*th, if they'd prefer to keep doing that. you can also pass positive psychotic symptoms--agitation etc.--off as severe anxiety, especially if you have a history of trauma, & they will give you benzodiazepines. it is in their best interest to keep you docile, i.e. tranquilized, particularly if your past convictions & involuntary institutionalizations revolve around a pattern of aggressive behavior, & that's On The Record/there's a paper trail. (e.g. one dude got arrested trying to keep cars away from an injured bird on the road, some genre of raptor i think (???) by threatening them with a shopping cart, not hitting them, but like, running at them as if to collide then feinting at the last minute so they'd swerve out of the way. not the safest or most effective maneuver, lotta reckless endangerment, but the motivation was admirable. probably put the fear of god into some drivers, though. he doesn't seem to have, like, impulse control.) it's a lot easier & you have fewer run-ins with the cops if you game the system & appear cooperative. they gave me this coat, which "just showed up in their apartment one day," like i did. 44 yr old guy walked me back to apartment, stole a street sign & tore down a real estate sign en route, lori lightfoot did indeed take down the pride flag in front of her house on july 1st & replace it with an appropriately patriotic american flag, i walked past the idling plainclothes cop car & another marked police vehicle with their Mayoral Guarding Detail inside at like 4.30 am smoking a menthol cigarette (not inhaling), high on m*th, draped in a neon anime jacket, in the company of a visibly insane, unshaven & unshorn middle-aged man in a technicolor patchwork trenchcoat, holding a lit cigarette in one hand & an upside-down traffic cone in the other, which he was using as an ad hoc amplifier for a noise track playing on my phone. he was also carrying the stolen real estate banner &, inexplicably, a stack of mail. i gave him my old backup phone (no SIM card & doesn't hold a charge long, ancient, but still works), since neither he nor the other dude have phones (cops took them), also one hybrid edible for each of them, as a thanks for the m*th & the kindness. their hearts are in the right place but they have some fucked-up beliefs about "reverse racism" being real, while also saying in the same breath that you can tell our country is irredeemable by the way it continues to

treat black people. we were discussing medical weed for seizures on medicaid & 44 yr old guy mentioned one of his close friends, a black epileptic woman, whose seizures were frequent & severe enough they prevented her from working. then he added, in apparent bemusement, they she hadn't spoken to him in some time, & he wondered why. a little while later he relayed their last conversation & i was like "my dude, i can say with 100% certainty she is not talking to you because you said some *appallingly*, jaw-droppingly racist shit & did not even realize it was racist." then i, comma, a white person, explained to this man that he literally thought of their exchange as, like, an abstract argument over insignificant ideas, a theoretical exercise, & therefore considered it simply a smug gotcha to "counter" hotep theories about egyptian origin by claiming that "if that's true, american slavery & the oppression of black people in america are divine retribution for the enslavement of the jews in ancient egypt, an eye for an eye & a deserved punishment." like, first of all, what the actual fuck, if i were that woman i would also never speak to you again, second of all there's the collapse of historical time & mythical time, history & exegesis, an assumption that rests on spurious claims of biblical literalism (zionist colonization logic, btw! him: what's exegesis? what's zionism? me: never mind, not the point. exegesis is the interpretation of religious texts in a religious CONtext, in this case what you would likely call the hebrew bible.)--but most importantly it is 100% irrelevant to this discussion whether or not black americans are Actually Factually descendended from ancient egypt! you just told this woman to her face that the ancestry she claims, of which she's proud, is the reason & justification for SLAVERY & BLACK SUFFERING--not only that, but that if it WERE true, than black people would DESRVE to suffer, by DIVINE DECREE. you are trying to force her to abdicate her claim on this heritage by putting her in a position where she'd be forced to concede complicity in her people's historical & present-day persecution, oppression, & essentially the existence of structural racism. & using The Figural Jew as a rhetorical cudgel to bludgeon her into this corner. what a despicable thing to say. like, he hadn't considered it from her perspective at all, & once he groked why the comment itself was, like, unforgivable (idk, maybe she's more forgiving; she has a virtue-name), i started socratic-method-ing him through why it was particularly unforgivable for *him* to say to *her*--the individual is not responsible for the systems from they benefit, but they are imbricated in them, they are implicated when they actively perpetuate & uphold them, even with speech acts. & finally gave the same "there is no such thing as reverse racism because racism is not an individual act, it is an institutional, systemic phenomenon, & it is an ideology, one which individual acts can bear out or be in accordance with, & to which individuals can subscribe (this bearing it out in their behavior, in their institutional roles, in their interpersonal interactions--here i gave & solicited examples of each) or be subject (also gave & solicited examples). m*th makes me very good at Explaining clearly & he was surprisingly receptive--like, it was astonishing that it had not occurred to him??? but it hadn't, the same way it hadn't occurred to my mother, & she interpreted it as "reverse racist" when their next-door neighbor called her the "white devil" for disputing their property line, & i had to be like "ok but if you called in a random third party to mediate in lily-white [city], oregon, where white supremacists openly drive down the street in pickup trucks with swastika armbands, whose side do you think they would take, statistically speaking, in your property dispute. that's why racism is systemic & institutional, & your rude neighbor calling you a name over a disagreement does not constitute 'reverse racism,' because 'reverse racism' by definition cannot

exist." now this dude wants to like, read books, so i gotta get him some entry-level Intro To Racism primers??? how did i end up here, but better me than his black epileptic (ex-)friend, i guess??? jesus christ. both of these guys have the most chaotic, reactionary politics in a potpourri with these deep commitments to abolition & mutual aid & a kind of proto-anarchist consciousness, none of which would be called by those names, but all of which is borne out in practice & in the politics of everyday life. they remind me a LOT of my parents. i'm loath to imagine how they'd internalize my stepdad's rambling, street-preacher-style libertarian lectures. probably go out & buy guns & invest in gold on the stock market & double down on the conviction that free speech is being curtailed & individual rights are in jeopardy because you can no longer unleash a barrage of harassment against some guy on the street because you think he looked at you funny. these claustrophobic convictions, like the space to express oneself is getting smaller & smaller every day, *other people* are taking it away from you, suffocating you on all sides with their offense demanding your silence, they are *making* the walls close in--when in fact it's more like a holodeck. you're a member of the Hegemonic Group, afforded the privilege of the default, so you don't question the vast verdant expanse that is your domain--ah, Free Speech, the sun never sets on the empire of ~uncensored expression, you can say whatever you want whenever you want without facing consequences because you control all the organs that mete out consequences & you have also determined that those groups who might be adversely affected by your words--emotionally OR materially--are not, well...of consequence. but of course the vast verdant domain is an illusion, photons & forcefields, held together by the all-encompassing TOTALITY of the dominant group's hegemony, power, etc. once that power begins to redistribute throughout the system--however unevenly, however incrementally, however slowly--as even the smallest pieces are appropriated by those deemed inconsequential, who have endured years of systemic, material, institutional violence that allowed the dominant group to become dominant & retain its dominant position--once those 'inconsequential' groups speak up & say "actually, these words bear an indelible imprint of the violence enacted upon us, these words are the legacy of that violence, these words are a tacit endorsement of the ideology behind that violence, which classifies us as subhuman, & even if *you* can't hear those echoes, the words broadcast on two historical frequencies, so now that we're able to broadcast on a frequency *you* can hear, we request you find other language, & consider the implications of the words you've been using for years." well--once The Subaltern Speaks, the dominant group loses its 'innocence,' & becomes aware the vast verdant expanse of language is an illusion of infinite space, aware of the four holodeck walls pressing in behind the simulacrum of the horizon, & suddenly "what one can say without negative consequences"--largely social, sometimes, rarely, if social media goes viral, professional--feels much more claustrophobic. so they get angry. & some of them are just bigots, obviously, but some of them--like my parents, &, even, this weirdly well-intentioned m*thhead who said one of the most shockingly racist things i've heard in my life & *honestly didn't understand why it was racist*, is really riled up about free speech & individual rights, hates the government, hates "FANG" (facebook amazon netflix google) & has a bunch of dystopian conspiracy theories about data harvesting & personal information that only miss the mark in that they get too nefariously biopolitical (billionaires want to put microchips in everybody for surveillance to monitor our movements & sell us more stuff; they don't need to, they already use our phone location & browsing habits to generate the algorithm & sell the information to ad companies lol, it's digital& cast a

single illuminati figure in the role of comic book villain, controlling the operation behind the scenes like an evil puppetmaster (classic conspiracy fare; again, we gotta take that energy, that suspicion, the understanding that they are being taken advantage of & tricked, the idea that power & capital & resources are concentrated among a very small number of people, however it's not an individual wealthy villain with a desire for world domination who wants to turn Free Americans into microchipped drones, it's a *class* of people--or rather several classes, but *who those people are as individuals does not matter*. if you guillotined bill gates, another billionaire would take his place. bill gates qua bill gates is not the problem. it is classes of people who control the means of production & own property & profit enormously from exploiting the labor of a desperate, rapidly increasing underclass, i.e. from the system as it is. therefore it is in their interest to maintain the status quo, because it serves them. 'the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.' the middle class gradually ceases to exist. if you want to compound it by race, consider the GI bill as an example - you learn about it as the leg up that enabled thousands of WWII vets to buy houses, enabling them to enter the middle class. hundreds of thousands of third-gen middle class white americans still reap the structural, socioeconomic benefits of their grandparents' initial upward mobility, including,, very tangibly, those selfsame houses, which can be inherited & then rented out as a second property if the children or grandchildren accrue enough money to buy their own properties. but only about 100 black vets got approved for homeownership loans, despite the staggering numbers of black soldiers who enlisted & applied through the GI bill. anyway! the impulses are there, & they're only being funneled into conspiracy thinking because that makes intuitive sense on a narrative level. these guys have a high school education; so does my stepdad. their reading habits are...eclectic, sporadic, pretty much dictated by occasional recommendations & like, little free libraries around the neighborhood. it's both interesting & frustrating to see like - hey, here are these people, we agree on a lot of things, they're earnest & open & want to learn & would give their neighbor the shirt off their backs as a matter of principle. they'd give a *stranger* the shirt off their backs; they'd share whatever they had. even what chores there are in their collective--they live with two other guys--(dumpster diving, walking the dog, tidying up the apartment) are allocated by ability & inclination. they made advance plans to look after the dog & their roommate with War PTSD on the 4th of july if the fireworks upset them, jokingly called the dog an emotional support animal. you give them the tools, the reading, talk to them like normal people with a stake in society--like, imagine a society that would have a stake in people like you instead of criminalizing you & consigning you to the margins! that's already *political imagination* because anyone who occupies a marginalized position will have their existence politicized, whether they want this or not, so better to become a self-aware, self-reflexive political subject, no?--talk *with* them because tbh i am them, i'm just better at situational masking & also i am very very afraid of cops so i only damage property in groups during planned political actions (not spontaneously, because i feel a flash of rage at my neighborhood gentrifying, & simply do not have a superego, so i tear down the real estate sign for the fancy new apartment complex in a fit of pique, because in this house we believe that spontaneity can & should be developed into class consciousness, again, the seeds of which are there in the initial trigger for the spontaneous reaction, i.e. anger at gentrification. not opposed to a little direct action, but they're just gonna put up a new sign tomorrow, it doesn't advance your agenda or hinder the gentrifiers' progress. now, if

you sabotaged the construction site for the new apartment buildings & painted a few potent symbols + graffiti'd a pithy, written statement expressing your opposition to gentrification generally & these apartments specifically? in a prominent place, large font, eye level, visible & legible from oh, a block away? maybe as a member of a collective, your neighbors, perhaps? & you could sign it "[neighborhood] or [block] residents" to pack more of a punch, the power of a crowd speaking in unison to say "not OUR home, you predatory developers"? that's no longer spontaneous, impulsive, affective violence, & it's also no longer an individual--acting alone leaves you vulnerable. again--i didn't just *intuit* that he tore the sign down because he was mad about gentrification, i asked, in a genuinely curious tone, not at all accusatory, no hint of reprimand or censure, just...interested, "why did you do that?" & he was like "it made me fucking mad." & i was like "what about it made you mad? the apartments? how come?" & he thought about it for a minute & explained. i'm not sure *he* necessarily made the conscious connection until prompted. idk, i know people talk a lot about the fact that breitbart & drudge report are free while NYT & "all the news fit to print" is paywalled, & q-pilled covid hoax sites are free while "reputable" pandemic coverage & public health guidelines & explanations of mRNA vaccines for a lay audience are paywalled & that's true but also We Live In A Society & if you talk to the wingnuts who AREN'T that way because of any far-right ideology, a lot of them are just...autodidacts without much formal education but a lot of raw intelligence that leads to analyzing The Big Picture & trying to deduce a pattern, find a framework that explains why the world is the way it is, profoundly frustrated, deeply aware of American society's, universalized & figured as the world's, exceptional unfairness & cruelty, & *that can be redirected* with reading, discussion, prompting critical thought, introducing community connections, & perhaps most importantly for this genre of person, getting them to see patterns at work in terms of systems & structures rather than individuals, letting go of American individualism's explanatory power & belief in its liberatory potential (see: the sort of ad hoc libertarianism that goes hand-in-glove with much conspiracy thinking, both stemming from 1) mistrusting the government, & 2) ultimate freedom of the individual as the most sacred value, therefore it is what all enemies want to take away), outlining positive, actionable goals rather than just ambient suspicion & anger at authority, & figuring out how those goals can be accomplished more effectively by an organized collective (but this will ultimately benefit the individual). If the world isn't run by a shadowy cabal, if you begin to understand the structures responsible & how they manifest even on the scale of your block (e.g.!!! predatory developers buying up properties during a pandemic, tearing down affordable housing to build expensive condos on the lot, or giving old buildings a "spit and polish" so they can double the rent, pricing all the current residents out, not to mention all the little local businesses, almost all mexican & run by the mexican families who live here, that give our block its culture & will get pushed out by boutique coffee shops & the like, catering to a more affluent & almost certainly whiter clientele)--you can, in fact, change the world, something both of them repeatedly referred to as their purpose on earth. it may not be as a maverick figure, one against an army, but strength in numbers is an aphorism for a reason.

anyway! thse guys were also really weird about jews, in the philosemitic way conspiracy theorists of a certain stripe often are. the itinerant vagabond guy gave me one of his drawings; it's really lovely. i'm going to give them "are prisons obsolete?" & "the wretched of the earth" & some david graeber. 44 yr old guy has this idea that society is atomized & people aren't connected to each other & have lost the willingness or the ability to communicate with each other, also that the overreach of authority has driven some people to violence, & that makes the world feel unsafe to everyone else. he feels guilty because he is acutely aware that language, when wielded adroitly & intentionally, always has the capacity to manipulate; he is afraid of succumbing to the temptation, because he senses the coercive power of language within himself. the other guy was mostly quiet but said 44 yr old guy is one of the best friends he's ever had. he thinks animals are able to sense emotions and to heal, & he thinks they can mediate between people who have become too isolated, who have forgotten humans' innate ability to forge connections, approach others as social creatures seeking to bond instead of mistrustful, apprehensive, rejecting overtures of friendship because they expect subterfuge, or propriety has evolved to deem such overtures inappropriate outside of strictly delineated, artificially orchestrated contexts. deviation from the norm is not permitted. & back again to policing. they have an idea called "the omega family," omega for the end, a group of like-minded people who come together, who encounter each other serendipitously (predicted through auspicious auguries & recognized on sight through a constellation of signs & wonders, because of course we are all psychotic here, it was nice to just be psychotic & discuss these things like they were normal lol), & serve as catalysts to each other's "personal truth." anyway this is why i don't go out when i'm crazy, i always end up in situations like this, see also: the last time i did m*th, in a pizza hut bathroom in tallinn with an art student from glascow named muhammad ali (he went by ali), the son of white muslim converts--we thought it was c*ke but it got lost in translation & that's how i figured out i had adhd. later i got [redacted] by a filmmaker from kazan & he gave me his business card afterward for some reason, which was extremely funny. thankfully these dudes were better behaved. one of them even gave a speech about how men shouldn't rape people??? & also how our society shouldn't construct women as universal victims because in doing so it makes victimhood almost compulsory & shoehorns women into a victim role as part & parcel of womanhood? i was like yes my dude you are almost there, read the essay "abject feminism." (i did not tell them i was trans bc i wasn't sure how that would shake down, to be honest; couldn't get a read on it. did tell them i was gay & they respected it, though one did say he dated a lesbian once, & i explained that many men feel compelled to interject with an anecdote relating an exception to the rule or insist that they will he the exception to the rule, & it's really just bad manners, not even getting into the bad politics. he took it on the chin & talked about how the girl in question came home to find her partner dead of an overdose & his wife had just died of MS, so their relationship was more about grief & comfort than sexual attraction. i was like that's really, really sad, & it's wonderful that you were able to be there for each other at a time of such staggering loss, & i am a person who totally understands what you mean to communicate, but if a lesbian tells you they're a lesbian & you reply that you once dated a lesbian & they get offended & instead of responding with contrition or correction you elaborate on the tragic backstory of the relationship as though that explains the circumstances in which a self-proclaimed lesbian would date a cis man, other lesbians *will* deck you, or at the very least not take you, an unwashed white guy in

his 40s who isn't neurotypical & sits way too close for social convention in a way that could easily be construed as a come-on, in good faith.) tl;dr made some new friends, did some good drügs (i much prefer smoking m*th to snorting it, basically like purer, more potent adderall, & as such will not be doing it again for a LONG time, because i enjoy it FAR too much; slices through the brain fog & the chronic fatigue & the joint/bone pain, makes me able to pay attention, follow the thread of a conversation, actually be *interested* & want to ask *questions* & expand, build, encourage my interlocutor to elaborate, place more kal-toh pieces until the conversation shimmers into a three-dimensional shape, instead of being listless & exhausted & disengaged & *bored* all the time, so obviously i would get addicted immediately if given the opportunity, & i've known this forever lol)--now going to hydrate, refill pill case, write some emails, & meet C at the beach! not how i expected to reboot my brain, but it works! also putting them on limited facebook view because i try to keep some groups of people in my life quarantined from each other & that includes 1) my relatives & my academic ~colleagues (ne'er the twain shall meet), 2) my exes & my family, 3) my relatives, colleagues, & uh. a couple of lovely, but extremely psychotic dudes with very long criminal records i met while doing hard drugs

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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OK, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Britney Spears' revenge

Page 1: Big Pic -- Melissa and Joe Gorga during a beach day in Miami

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Tiger Woods on the mend -- Tiger is counting his blessings as he recovers from a terrifying car crash

Page 6: Queen Elizabeth announced in a statement that her grandson Prince Harry and his pregnant wife Meghan Markle wouldn't be returning as working royals, noting that it was no longer possible for them to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service, and almost immediately, Harry and Meghan shot back with a seemingly rude reply, saying we can all live a life of service and service is universal -- no one was more disappointed in Harry's response than his brother Prince William and William finds this behavior both baffling and sickening and he can't get his head around it and William feels the family has been understanding and fair while Harry and Meghan continue to sit on their high horse flinging insults and from William's perspective there is simply no excuse for snide and ego-driven swipes made towards the queen -- especially right now, since three days prior to Her Majesty's statement, Prince Philip was rushed to a London hospital and the queen's been worried sick about her husband and should not be dealing with this added stress -- the whole situation has left William feeling hopeless and he fears Harry is too wrapped up in his own self-importance to see the hurt he's caused and that is unforgivable in William's eyes

Page 7: As Soleil Moon Frye's messy divorce drags on, a loyal pal from the past is providing a shoulder to cry on in Brian Austin Green who she reconnected with while shooting her upcoming documentary Kid 90 -- Brian can feel her pain because he's still hashing out his split from Megan Fox so he knows exactly what Soleil is going through -- they've been friends for more than 30 years and they're going to see each other through this tough time

* Tom Cruise got all pumped up for Mission: Impossible 7, but now that filming has wrapped, he's desperate to stay in fighting shape for the next installment -- Tom was thrown for a loop when the studio postponed filming M:I 8 instead of shooting the movies back-to-back so now he's putting himself through the wringer doing crunches, pullups, squats and weights but Tom's brutal, military-style workouts have friends and loved ones, including his rumored new girlfriend, M:I7 costar Hayley Atwell, worried that he could be pushing himself to the breaking point and everyone wants him to take it down a notch, but he won't listen -- physically, Tom still thinks he's invincible, but the fact is he'll be turning 60 in less than two years and if he keeps going at this pace, there's a big change he's going to do some serious damage

* Life has been twice as nice for Christine Quinn since she found out she was expecting -- the Selling Sunset star, who's pregnant with her and businessman husband Christian Richard's first child, isn't holding back when it comes to treating herself -- the famously free-spending realtor has been splurging on designer maternity clothes and lingerie to lounge around in at her L.A. mansion and she has flowers delivered daily for every room in the house

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars rock statement-making halter dresses -- Lili Reinhart, Camila Morrone, Brie Larson

Page 11: Chrishell Stause, Naomi Campbell, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Uzo Aduba vs. Drew Barrymore, Charlize Theron vs. Kaia Gerber, Bella Hadid vs. Naomi Scott

Page 14: News in Photos -- Steve Martin did what he does best while filming scenes of his upcoming mystery-comedy series Only Murders in the Building in NYC

Page 16: Nicole Scherzinger stepped out for lunch with beau Thom Evans in West Hollywood, a casually dressed Reese Witherspoon matched her shirt to her Draper James canvas tote while boarding a private plane in L.A., Paris Hilton and Carter Reum

Page 17: Rebel Wilson stopped by the gas station to fill up her car in L.A., Mariska Hargitay took a selfie while shooting Law & Order: Organized Crime in NYC

Page 18: Sarah Jessica Parker assisted customers at her eponymous shoe line's store in NYC, Chrissy Teigen at lunch at Wolfgang Puck in L.A., Naomi Osaka with her trophy for winning the Australian Open in Melbourne

Page 20: The Masked Singer panelist Jenny McCarthy in a golden tiara and caped dress before taping a new episode, for a recent date night Outer Banks stars Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline whipped up a cozy plant-based dinner in L.A., Jason Sudeikis filled up on a sandwich on the set of Ted Lasso

Page 22: Bella Hadid strutting around Manhattan, Helena Christensen and her dog Kuma in NYC

Page 23: In partnership with Ziploc Janel Parrish created the Hot Mess Makeup Line in Vancouver, Cara Delevingne in Puma's new eco-friendly line

Page 24: Usher stopped by the dry cleaners West Hollywood, Padma Lakshmi and her pooch braved the cold weather in stylish jackets in NYC

Page 25: Tia Mowry for Late July Tortilla chips, four days before filing for divorce from her husband Kanye West of nearly seven years Kim Kardashian looked somber while out and about in L.A., during a stroll Busy Philipps stopped to check out something on her phone in NYC

Page 26: Scott Disick matched his 'do to his drink at the Sugar Factory in Miami, Justin Long stocked up on groceries in L.A., new couple Mod Sun and Avril Lavigne were inseparable after a date night in L.A.

Page 28: Inside My Home -- Claire Holt's airy abode

Page 30: Zooey Deschanel and Jonathan Scott have taken the next step in their almost two-year relationship: they've secretly tied the knot -- they've been talking about getting married for about a year and just decided to go for it and the intimate ceremony took place in front of a few family members at Jonathan's Las Vegas home on Valentine's Day and it was spur of the moment, but that's how Zooey likes to do things and now Jonathan too and they put it together in a matter of days and everyone got a verbal invite to come -- Zooey wore a Bohemian-inspired gown and flowers in her hair while Jonathan wore an all-white suit and Zooey serenaded Jonathan with a love song she had written -- guests including Jonathan's twin brother Drew Scott and sister-in-law Linda Phan were treated to a gourmet buffet and video and arcade games -- now the couple's eager to grow their family and Jonathan will be a great stepdad to Zooey's children Elsie and Charlie but he's been saying for months that he can't wait to have kids of his own and they've already started trying

Page 31: Blake Lively and husband Ryan Reynolds are one of the most charitable couples in Hollywood and now the big-hearted duo are ready to take the next step by adopting a baby in need -- Blake and Ryan who share daughters James, Inez and Betty have donated millions of dollars to organizations working to protect the rights of immigrant children separated from their families and awaiting deportation -- day by day they've been warming up to the idea of providing an orphan with a forever home -- Ryan jokes that Blake is a baby machine who would have no trouble getting pregnant again, but their hearts really go out to these kids

* Ever since Bridgerton became a monster hit, the sizzling chemistry between Rege-Jean Page and costar Phoebe Dynevor has fans convinced that they're an offscreen item as well, but Rege-Jean's girlfriend Emily Brown is fed up with keeping their real-life romance under wraps and she's starting to feel like Rege's dirty little secret -- Emily has been dating Rege for two years and shares a home with him in East London -- the show's producers have been happy to let the rumors about Rege and Phoebe fly because it made their steamy sex scenes that much more believable -- Emily, a part-time soccer player and copywriter from Manchester, loves to go to pubs and party, which she and Rege used to do before the show came out -- Rege insists that keeping their relationship on the down-low is no big deal, but Emily wants everyone to know that the hunky Duke of Hastings is spoken for

* Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have got the parenting thing down pat, and they're ready to share their know-how by penning a how-to manual -- their friends have been begging them for advice for years and Mila and Ashton make having kids look like a fun adventure and for them, it really is -- now that Ashton has wrapped up shooting his new thriller Vengeance, he and Mila finally have a little downtime and the handbook will include the duo's dos and don'ts for raising their children Wyatt and Dimitri like they never argue in front of the kids and make sure to treat them equally -- Mila's the stricter one and Ashton's the softie, but it's a team effort and it works and they admit it can get a bit chaotic, but they don't sweat the small stuff

Page 32: New parents Kit Harington and Rose Leslie may be in baby heaven, but they're dealing with the home renovation from hell -- the Game of Thrones alums, who recently welcomed their first child, have been up to their ears fixing up their 15th-century country manor, which is turning out to be a huge money pit -- Kit and Rose bought the $2.4 million spread shortly before tying the knot in 2018 and had no idea what they were getting into and the couple got hit by sticker shock when they finally got their plans approved to put in a new kitchen, master bath, pipes and flooring and it's going to cost them an extra half a million at least -- they still think it's the perfect place to raise a family, but overseeing an army of builders and designers with a newborn at home is leading to some serious sleep deprivation

* As Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles' romance heats up, the couple is planning a heart-to-heart with her ex-fiance Jason Sudeikis -- after filming wrapped on their movie Don't Worry (for the love of all that's holy, please put in a comma) Darling, the lovebirds flew to London to meet with Jason, who's been on the set of Ted Lasso in England because Olivia, who shares two kids with Jason, wants to clear the air and have a calm conversation about how everyone moves forward from here, and she wants Jason to realize that Harry is here to stay and Olivia needs Jason to understand this is a serious relationship, whether he likes it or not

* Baby Boom -- these celebs recently welcomed little ones -- Wilmer Valderrama and fiancee Amanda Pacheco welcomed a baby girl, Kansas City Chiefs QB Patrick Mahones and fiancee Brittany Matthews welcomed a daughter named Sterling Skye, Mandy Moore and Taylor Goldsmith welcomed a son named August Harrison

Page 34: Cover Story -- Britney Spears fights back -- she is ready to reclaim her life and she's looking to take down anyone who stands in her way, starting with her father, Jamie Spears

Page 36: In the wake of the #FreeBritney movement, Justin Timberlake who dated Britney Spears from 1999-2002, and publicly insinuated her cheating ruined their relationship, took to Instagram to offer a mea culpa, saying he wanted to apologize to Britney who he cares for and respects and he knows he failed -- he also contacted Britney directly to express his regrets over how he handled their breakup because he wanted to do the right thing and Britney accepted his apology and she was touched by the gesture and thought it was absolutely sincere and they had a nice little chat and it made Justin feel better knowing that Britney didn't hold any grudges

Page 38: They're So Grown Up -- the kids of some of Hollywood's biggest celebs are striking out on their own -- Ava Sambora is the daughter of Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora, Maya Hawke is the daughter of Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, Damian Hurley is the son of Elizabeth Hurley and Steve Bing

Page 39: Lily Sheen is the daughter of Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen, Jack Depp is the son of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis, Lola Consuelos is the daughter of Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos

Page 40: Interview -- Dwayne Johnson -- with a new TV sitcom based on his early years, The Rock reveals all about his rollicking adventures growing up

Page 42: Slim Down for Spring -- how these stars got their best bodies ever just in time for the warmer weather

Page 46: Style Week -- Sara Sampaio is fronting Michael Kors' new campaign for its latest perfume, Gorgeous

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- break a sweat stylishly in LoveShackFancy X Beach Riot's limited-edition collection -- Nina Agdal

Page 49: Preppy Tennis Fashion -- Lele Sadoughi turns to '70s and '80s country club looks for its spring/summer 21 accessories

Page 50: Gift Guide -- self-care session -- pampering gifts that benefit body and mind because, hey, there's never been a better time to treat yourself -- Miranda Kerr

Page 52: Chrissy Teigen is a fan of affordable de-puffing and brightening holographic foil eye masks

Page 58: Buzz -- costars reunited -- Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay for Law & Order: Organized Crime, 13 Going on 30's Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner reconnected on the set of their upcoming movie The Adam Project

Page 59: Rachel Bilson shared a snap of herself with O.C. costar Melinda Clarke, Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel who played a beloved couple on Boy Meets World starred in Panera Bread's new commercial for Valentine's Day, Rebel Wilson and Adam Devine of Pitch Perfect met up during Super Bowl LV game in early February

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Jennifer Love Hewitt on her night out with Betty White, Henry Golding on expecting his first child, Drew Barrymore on never going under the knife, Salma Hayek discussing billionaire husband Francois-Henri Pinault

Page 61: Tiffany Haddish on taking a chill day, Colin Jost on letting Scarlett Johansson plan their wedding, Cameron Diaz on whether she plans to return to Hollywood, Kehlani on feeling sexier as a mom

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Connie Britton turned 54 on March 6

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Ana de Armas

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goddamnitaisha · 6 years

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Hey dear @asreoninfusion,

remember a time before you were a popular blog Sefikura BDSM Kink Queen?

When you were too afraid to make a blog? And were too afraid to message me because you worried you would annoy me? Before we met in real life.

Hahaha you sent me anon messages in a time I received multiple anons a day. I had to give you a nickname because I wanted you to sign your posts. I gave you name options, you chose the name anon-sundown. I wanted you to continue talking to me, because you were cute enough to be adopted. You suggested writing about your funny life experiences.

Now, I kept all these messages for years. READ THEM BOTTOM TO TOP. You might want to copy them and put them on your own blog.

Love,

your friend Aisha

anon-sundown asked you: 10 hours ago You couldn't actually see the driver; all that was visible were two hands sticking out through this massive bunch of bananas, clutching the handlebars with a white-knuckled grip, and a little face peering round the edge.

anon-sundown asked you: 10 hours ago But the favourite two-wheeler incident was the banana man. People would often cart around huge amounts of food or stock for the local shops they owned; this man was transporting bananas. A /lot/ of bananas. To this day I have no idea how he managed to balance them all on there, but it is safe to say there was significantly more banana than man.

anon-sundown asked you: 10 hours ago We used to see all sorts of insane things on two-wheelers. Across the road from the Croc Bank there lived a man who would regularly drive a fully grown goat around on his bike, with the animal casually draped over the back. One time we saw two men driving along with an eight foot length of PVC pipe... lengthways. They were holding it /across/ the bike, taking up almost the entire road and forcing everyone to swerve all over the place to avoid them! (Fairly standard driving for India, then.)

anon-sundown asked you: 10 hours ago Let's have a non-animal related story for a change. In India they were big on their motorbikes - or two-wheelers, as they call them. They tend to be a lot cheaper and more accessible for most people, so they made up about 40% of the traffic. And the amount of stuff people would cram onto those things! It wasn't at all uncommon to see a family of four or five squashed onto the one bike.

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago One other thing the macaques used to do - and I have no idea where they learnt to do this, if it was instictive or they had learnt it from someone - was floss their teeth. The zookeeper would pull out a strand of their hair and hand it to the monkeys, and they'd start flossing! That soon became an integral part of the feeding show, getting them to clean their teeth afterwards for the visitors to see. We were often the ones doing that, so it's a good thing both my mum and I have very thick hair!

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago Even if they weren't playing with the hose, most of the monkeys would still stop and stare while you cleaned, then try to imitate what you were doing. My mum once brought in a little toy broom to give to them while she was sweeping, see if she could get them to copy her and do some of the work! (They weren't buying it.)

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago In the complete opposite of the spider monkeys, the macaques loved water. The cleaning always took twice as long as it should have, as the monkeys would come and play in the spray when you were trying to hose down the floor and rocks. On more than one occasion a zookeeper (usually my mum) was caught playing skipping rope with the monkeys and a stream of water.

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago Cleaning their enclosure was always a two person job; one to do the cleaning, and the other would stand there with a hose, keeping the monkeys at bay. Fortunately, the macaques monkeys were much friendlier. You had to make sure not to get too near to any of the babies - the mothers were very protective of their young - but other than that they were quite happy to have company in their enclosure.

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago Most of the time the spider monkeys would grudgingly accept an intrusion at feeding time. They weren't pleased that someone was in their space, but they knew that they got food out of it. Even so, they could be vicious buggers, so the zookeeper would always carry a water pistol in with them. If the spider monkeys got too close or too aggressive, you just squirted them with the water pistol and they would back off!

anon-sundown asked you: 12 hours ago At the Hunter Valley Zoo in Australia there were also monkeys, although these were part of the zoo rather than the local wildlife! We had two species; macaques and spider monkeys. The macaques were a big friendly group, playful and generally very nice. The spider monkeys, on the other hand, were not. Their enclosure was /their/ territory, and hoo boy, they did not like their territory invaded. Oddly enough, the only thing they liked less than having someone in their territory was... water.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago Fortunately, he missed the food. But he did knock over a bottle of milk belonging my little sister (who was very little then). Somehow he managed to set it spinning right around, squirting milk out in every direction at everyone while we dove for cover. Having very successfully got our attention, the goat then hopped back down and made for his balcony, only to run straight into the closed glass door. We let him out there just to get some peace!

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago He's obviously gone for my apple cores, sticking his head into the bin to get at them... but then his horns had got caught, and he couldn't get himself back out past the swing lid. So he just pulled the whole thing off. and then, flailing around like a mad thing trying to dislodge the lid, charged upstairs and jumped right up onto the dinner table.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago One final piece of background information; I like eating apples. I used to sit at the computer in the front room downstairs, happily munching away, and throw the cores into a little bin with a swing lid just by the desk. This is relevant. So, the goat sneaks into the house. The family is all sat down for dinner, minding our own business, and the first we know of it is hearing a huge ka-clop, ka-clop, ka-clop as the goat comes absolutely flying up the stairs with a bin lid stuck around his neck.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago As it turned out, we needn't have worried. The goat's reaction to the big scary dogs was to headbutt them, full in the face. The German Shepherd was the one scared of the goat! After the goat had grown a bit and become too big for the balcony, he was relocated to a nice little shed outside. But he still believed the balcony was /his/ balcony and his home, and thus would regularly sneak into the house and charge upstairs to try to get back there.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago When the goat was just a little thing, it used to live out on the balcony on the second floor of our house. This was because we also had two dogs, an Australian Cattle dog and a fully grown German Shepherd. The former was about twice the size of the goat, and the latter three or four times bigger. We introduced them regularly, but didn't want them to share the same living space until the goat was a bit more grown up and less likely to be intimidated by the big scary dogs.

anon-sundown answered you: a day ago rp-sephiroth asked:

Hahahahaha, I loved the story of the goat. It made me really happy on a less than happy day! xD You're so full of good things, I can't imagine why you still hide. Over the past few weeks you've come across as a pretty rad friend. xD <3 Yes, you make me happy!

Ahhh, thank you! I’m so happy I can make you happy. ^_^ I have another tale of the goat for today’s silly story.

anon-sundown asked rp-writer-aisha: 2 days ago Oh! And just out of curiosity, how are you making the keyblade? I cosplayed Aqua one time and made Stormfall for her. It came out... okay, I guess, but a bit fragile. Someone leant on it and snapped it. orz So anyway, I'm interested to see what method/materials you're going to use. :)

anon-sundown asked rp-writer-aisha: 2 days ago I know what you mean about the self-acceptance thing. v_v And for me it never seemed reasonable or fair to expect anyone else to like you when you don't even like yourself. (This thinking is a significant part of why I'm always so terrified to talk to anyone new; it just seems so rude to impose my shitty self on them. orz) But I like you, and I'm sure the other people you mentioned who send you messages like and accept you too! It's probably not worth much, but there's that at least. ^^'

anon-sundown asked you: 3 days ago Then the goat came trotting along, looking pleased as punch with himself, with three or four cigarettes hanging out of his mouth. Ah, of course. The builder took off after the goat to try and get them back, but alas, it was too late for the cigarettes. They were chewed to pieces and covered in goat slobber. And the poor builder never did get to have a smoke that day.

anon-sundown asked you: 3 days ago The goat was also around. And goats, as you may know, will eat just about anything. On this particular day, 'anything' was the builder's entire packet of cigarettes that he had left out. He came asking us if we knew where his cigarettes had gone, and for a good while we were all searching around the area he'd misplaced them, scratching our heads.

anon-sundown asked you: 3 days ago Originally, Avoca Drive was bought as a plot of land, and my mum and stepdad had a house built on it. We moved in as soon as we could, with just a few finishing touches like carpets to go down and a concrete path to lay outside the front door (the latter of which meant we had to climb out a ground floor window to get out the house for a day or two while the concrete set, that was fun). So there were a few builders around, just finishing up whatever they needed to do.

anon-sundown asked you: 3 days ago While we were in the same house as the wombat incident (henceforth to be known as Avoca Drive, if I need to reference it again) we also owned a goat. And this goat-- oh Goddess, this goat. It was a donation from another family; they had won the goat in a charity auction, raising money for African villages and 'Give a Goat' sort of projects (hence why they were auctioning a goat, I suppose). But they discovered after the fact they didn't have the time/space to look after a goat, so it came to us.

I perched on the back of the sofa (up out of reach of marauding wombats; I wasn't taking on that thing either) and laughed at everyone. Eventually my brother joined me up on the sofa, and the wombat was led away to its overnight bunk in the cupboard under the house, where it the proceeded to keep everyone up all night trying to dig through the foundations.

anon-sundown asked you: 2 minutes ago He tried to shake the wombat off, changing direction and speeding up. The wombat only sped up after him. They ended up running round the room in panicked circles with my brother shouting for mummy. Mum swept in for a rescue attempt, but was not very successful. They /both/ ended up running round the room being chased by the wombat.

anon-sundown asked you: 3 minutes ago Now, this wombat had been trained at Taronga Zoo to follow people around, so the zoo keepers could easily get it to go where they wanted. So when we let it out to have a wander in the front room it began to follow around my brother. He was only ten at the time, and not terribly pleased by the large hairy creature tailing him at a distance far to close for comfort.

anon-sundown asked you: 5 minutes ago Okay, so back when we lived in Australia (as my stepdad is Australian; everything is always his fault), he and my mum owned a zoo in the Hunter Valley, several hours drive north of Sydney. We had acquired a wombat, a transfer from Taronga Zoo. Since our house was directly along and right in the middle of the route between Taronga in Sydney and the Hunter Valley, it was decided the wombat would stay a night at home to break up the journey.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago We eventually got the noodles back after my mum went and yelled at the monkeys, though it wasn't terribly effective until the monkeys hissed back and scared my little sister. Then my mum actually got angry with them, and she is rather scary when angry. The monkeys dropped the jar and ran off, and thus victory was ours.

anon-sundown asked you: a day ago One time the door to the house was left open and two monkeys broke in. One stood guard at the door while other darted into the kitchen, jumped up on to the counter and proceeded to raid the cupboard. They made off with a jar of pot noodles and took to a nearby tree to try and prise the thing open (without much succes).

#hahahahaha #asreoninfusion

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beeboomachine · 7 years

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Just answer 'em all shitlord :OO

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? I already answered this2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? As long as they aren’t abusing them and as long as they’re not highly addictive4. Is your last name longer than six letters? No5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? Every time actually 7. What does your last received text say? My art period was not for work it was just reminiscing about music and playing, then our teacher was saying how rap used to be and just now they started playing dmx, and he was singing where the hood at, literally the full thing8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten9. Where was your last kiss at? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten10. When is the last time you saw your sister? This morning11. What do you drink in the morning? V8 typically 12. Where did you sleep last night? My dad’s house13. Do you think relationships are hard? Depends on the person14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I got into a spat with a friend recently so that I guess15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Rainy17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Not that I know of18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? Sweatpants19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? If not I’m gonna be 6 ft under20. Does anyone like you? God no21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No22. Is the last person you kissed gay? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? My stepdad or stepmom24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah I’m not allowed tho25. In the past week have you cried? Yeah26. What breed was the last dog you saw? My dog is a chihuahua27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both? Hair in body out28. Have you ever kissed a football player? I’m not that attractive 29. Do you think you’re old? Mentally30. Do you like text messaging? Its convenient you corporate CEO31. What type of day are you having? Alright32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Already answered33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Cold34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yeah35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? I’ll take what I can get36. Are you a simple or complicated person? I think all people are complex37. What song are you listening to? In my head is The Weapon by Rush38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? 90% of the time39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? Yeah40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Attractive, pays attention to me, likes talking to me41. When did you last receive a text message? 10:36 am42. What is wrong with you right now? Anxiety mostly43. How well do you know the last female you texted? She’s my best friend44. Does anyone disgust you? White christian republicans 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Matters if they’re a girl or not? Also age is important? And also probably yes46. Are you in a good mood right now? I think so47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My dad48. What color shirt are you wearing? Already answered but now it’s grey49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Yeah50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Not right now51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yeah53. Do you like rain? Love it54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? They need to live don’t they?55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Yeah it’s les painful56. Do you like to cuddle? YEA57. Are you shy? YEA58. Do you get along with girls? YEA59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No id like to tho60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone and wallet61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Yeah I’d do anything for a million dollars62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? No64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? I’d melt into a puddle 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I FaceTimed a friend and she’s cute66. How old are the last three people you kissed? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Pay cause I’m terrible at that68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra only because my sister loves leopard69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I’m not allowed :/70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Lil Wayne, Luke Bryan is a hack Bitch 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone, how old is this that blackberry is on here??72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Long ass time ago73. Do you like diet soda? I guess?74. What color are the walls in your room? Grey75. Are you 16 or older? I’m turning 20 this year76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No77. Do you have a job? Yeah78. What are your initials? DTB79. Did you ever have braces? Yeah80. Are you from the south? I’d rather die81. What does your last status on facebook say? A quote from Stockely Carmichael82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? No83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? No 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Rogue One86. Do you smoke? No tobacco is literally bad there’s no benefits to it87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Flip flops I can’t walk in heels88. Is your phone touch screen? Yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Whatever it wants to be90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Yea but like not “sneakily”91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool92. Have you ever made out in a car? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten93. …Had sex in a car? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten94. Are you single or in a relationship? Single95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Wanting to sleep, working on D&D maps96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Like 3 4th of July’s ago?97. Do you like the camera on your phone? It nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? No that’s not what Facebook is for101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? The last person I kissed was in Kindergarten102. Name your favorite Kesha song: Tik Tok why would anyone choose anything else103. Do you have any tan lines right now? If by tan lines you mean burn lines then no104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? I would never wear cowboy boots in my life

#thanks for playing!

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mavwrekmarketing · 7 years

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Image copyright Helen Maybanks

Image caption Fatherland has been created using interviews with men about their dads

The 2009 children’s film Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was a zany, fun and fairly trivial animation. So how did it inspire a theatre project attempting to take stock of masculinity in 21st Century England?

Along with his Spray-On Shoes and Hair-Un-Balder, the Monkey Thought Translator was one of madcap inventor Flint Lockwood’s greatest creations.

As well as letting the film’s characters hear what Steve the monkey was thinking, the contraption was put on the head of Flint’s emotionally inarticulate dad to allow his son to hear his inner thoughts.

“This invention gets put on this man and he spoke beautifully and honestly about his son,” recalls theatre director Scott Graham. “It’s a great little film.”

Image copyright Animation/Koba/REX/Shutterstock

Image caption The Monkey Thought Translator in action in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

That scene inspired Graham to embark on his own project asking men to talk honestly about their dads, and dads to talk about their sons, in the hope of getting an insight into the state of fatherhood and masculinity.

Graham, who is the artistic director of the Frantic Assembly theatre company, enlisted award-winning playwright Simon Stephens and Underworld musician Karl Hyde.

Together, the trio tried to tap into the often-unspoken emotions that lie beneath blokeish bonhomie. The resulting interviews have been turned into a theatre show, Fatherland, for the Manchester International Festival, which opens on Thursday.

Image copyright Tarnish Vision

Image caption Left-right: Karl Hyde, Simon Stephens and Scott Graham

The trio decided to go back to their home towns to conduct the interviews. Stephens is from Stockport, Greater Manchester, Hyde is from near Kettering in Worcestershire and Graham is from Corby, Northamptonshire.

They interviewed their own dads, old school friends and strangers – but had to find a way to drill beneath the usual surface small talk.

This is how Stephens describes an average conversation: “I was talking to a really dear friend of mine and there’s so much I want to say to him and end up saying nothing, ‘All right mate, how’s it going? What you up to? Nice one. See you later’. And all those questions sit on this volcano of feeling.”

The best way to get men to open up was to make their interviews feel artificial and staged, they decided. Not just everyday chats. So their interviewees wore headphones, plugged into recording equipment. Their own Monkey Thought Translator.

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Simon Stephens won a Tony Award in 2015 for The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Stephens has written about father-son relationships in plays like The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, On the Shore of the Wide World and Herons. His own dad died at the age of 59.

He says “the artificiality of the situation” helped when interviewing his stepdad for Fatherland.

“I was confronting the volcano with my stepdad, talking to my stepdad about his dad’s death. My stepdad raised his biological children as a single father and [I was] talking to him about what it was like the moment his wife left him.

“I really love my stepdad but I mainly talk to him about Manchester United.

“So that artificiality was really exposing and really tender as well.”

Image copyright Getty Images

Image caption Karl Hyde is also one half of dance duo Underworld

Hyde, 60, a dance music pioneer in the 1990s and beyond, took his two collaborators to see his mum and dad.

“It was very strange to be sat there with recording equipment attached to my dad with a pair of headphones on and my two friends sat on my mum’s sofa,” he says.

“And then they ask him, after he’s been very chatty, ‘What’s your earliest memory of your father?’ And he replies, ‘I don’t want to answer that’.

“I’m sat there thinking, ‘Woah, what don’t I know after all these years? These two guys have just unearthed something that’s been lying dormant all my life and I don’t know’.”

‘Genuine survivors’

Whatever Hyde’s father didn’t want to talk about must have been worse than some of the “real horrors” from his life that he was willing to discuss, the musician says.

Months later, back at his mum and dad’s house, another thought struck him.

“Whatever had happened, he’d protected his children from it. He’s carrying it with him to this day and he won’t let that infect his children. And I think that’s amazing.

“Those are the kind of characteristics [we found]. People who are prepared to say, ‘This is not good enough for the way we want our children and our friends and families to live, so that’s enough of that’.”

Manchester International Festival on the BBC

After speaking to lots of men about their upbringings, Graham was surprised to find how many were “genuine survivors of a very difficult situation”.

That’s not only true of men, of course. “That there’s so much trauma in everybody’s everyday life and the way that we challenge it and rise above it is incredibly heroic,” he says.

“I don’t think that’s purely a masculine thing. It’s constantly surprising, constantly inspiring.”

Image copyright Helen Maybanks

Image caption Tachia Newall (left) and Eddie Kay are among the cast of Fatherland

Stories from the interviews have been woven into the show, with actors portraying the men the trio met. Snippets of speech are also used in the music, composed by Hyde and Matthew Herbert.

But Hyde, Stephens and Graham didn’t just interview other people – they also interviewed each other. So they too are played by actors on stage.

What did they learn about men and themselves during their interviews?

Stephens says: “In drama, characters don’t learn anything new – rather a truth which they’ve known for a long time is revealed and articulated.”

Referring to himself, Stephens adds: “I think [I learned about] my relationship with my dad’s drinking. The extent to which I write out of fear that I might become an alcoholic.

“The extent to which I write out of fear that I might die before I’m 60. The extent to which I am unapologetically a middle class man from a suburb. I could go on.”

‘A celebration of England’

What started as a journey to the heart of England has become a somewhat unsettling step into their own emotional hinterlands.

Stephens later says they did build up a bigger picture of the nation too.

He says that through the men they interviewed, they found a country that’s “capable of bravery and kindness and compassion and defiance”, and says that’s been proven by the reactions to recent tragic events in London and Manchester.

“Weirdly, it’s become a celebration of how good this country can be,” he says of the show.

“It’s been difficult to be English and to talk about how good the English have been until the last two months and then all of a sudden, with the events up the road [Manchester Arena] and London Bridge and Westminster and then Grenfell and Finsbury Park, actually the English are great.

“And I don’t mean in a nationalistic way. I mean there is a dignity and a brilliance to the English that is really beautiful. That’s what I found when I went on the road with these guys.”

The Monkey Thought Translator triumphs again. Perhaps every man should own one.

Fatherland is at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester from 1-22 July. The Manchester International Festival opens on Thursday 29 June.

Follow us on Facebook, on Twitter @BBCNewsEnts, or on Instagram at bbcnewsents. If you have a story suggestion email [email protected].

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bearrigan37 · 7 years

Text

Mind Vomit, Mind Laundry and Mind Garbage

Hey everyone.

Its been about a year and a half since my last real post. A lot of things have happened since that last post. I am not going to talk about a good chunk of it, because I just plain don't want to. The gist is that I lost a friend, I lost my job and lost my place to live. Thankfully my mother is tolerant of our shenanigans and is letting us stay with her. It's been rough, to say the least. The good things are that my sons are healthy and happy, and get to play around with their cousins and grandparents almost every day. The older one is almost done with his Pre-K, and even has a little ceremony coming up for it.

The thought that this child has grown so much is mind boggling. He's a little cutout of me (unfortunately, but thank the abyss that he also has his mothers genes). He'll start actual Kindergarten soon. His little brother is growing in his teeth, crawling, standing, and damn near walking already. The older one is the young ones favorite person in the world, and that's a big ray of happiness in my otherwise bleak worldview.

My wife has had her ups and downs as well. The school she used to go to that caused her tons of grief is going down for being generally shady and terrible, but the school she is going to now can no longer offer the classes for the degree program she is on. She did, however, get into some classes that will lead to a job with an old folks home, and will make her a CNA. Hopefully that acts as a foot in the door for her to get closer to her career of choice, labor and delivery nursing.

My mom and stepdad are slowly starting to do all the alterations to their house that they have been wanting to do, and seeing them out there painting and cutting wood and doing all their little projects makes my super happy for them. It took them both a long time to finally be in a place that allows that kind of stuff, and they're both finally in a place mentally where they are actually very happy. My sons adore my mom and stepdad, so that's a bonus.

My dad got his shop/cave set up and has a bunch of cool things in there. Amazon Echo turns on his air conditioning and that will always be novel to me. My boys got to spend some time with him recently too. My oldest preferred to play outside, but the younger one had a bit of a fascination with him. His laptop, his beard, the dog, all very exciting to the little guy. Being closer to my parents has brought a good amount of peace to my mind.

In the past year and change, I've done lots of thinking. Lots of anxiety, depression and dysphoria have rushed through me at breakneck speeds. I read an article from Transgender Universe lately that was pretty spot on, I'll link it at the end of this post.

Basically, it talks about the anxiety and mental acrobatics that a person goes through when even thinking about transitioning. It hit all the marks, and I recommend that you all read it. Funny that at the moment I type this paragraph, “Wired Wrong” by Steam Powered Giraffe started playing on my computer.

Anyway.

I lay awake a lot at night. I wake up at all hours in blind panic, or crushing anxiety. I think and think and overthink. The me that is now and the past me, have all laid the foundation for my current life. They've laid down the building blocks for what I have to deal with later on. I did a lot of things wrong, and a few things totally right, but they are both things that keep me up. Does the future me, the correct me, even have the strength to figure out how to deal with all that later on, when I'll be forced to? My decisions and lifestyle now have basically doomed me, lets breakdown how so that everyone has an idea of whats going on in my head.

First off, the two big things that are doing things to my general mental and physical health are my diabetes and my gender dysphoria. Because of the diabetes, I can’t take the pills for transitioning, because the pills are bad for your kidney and liver. The other options are injections or cream/ointment/patches. The injections are the most effective way of taking the hormones, and the cream is the least effective way. The injections are on a national shortage, and there is no real sign of that shortage coming to an end. I'm not sure how the cream would play out for me, honestly. I've been too in my own head to actually call my doctor and find out. More on that later.

Everything that has happened in the past year and change has stopped me dead in my tracks in doing whats best for me. I haven't called doctors, I haven't taken medicine, I haven't gone to school, I've done nothing. Well, I did finally get to go camping, and took a few trips into the desert with my brother in law, those always helped clear my head, but now its spring and my allergies would literally kill me if I stayed outside for too long. I got pericarditis last spring, every time I sneezed or coughed, it would create too much pressure on my heart and stop it momentarily because of a build up of fluid in the pericardium, or something like that. This happened because of viral infection, because allergies.

I worry about everything. I don't sleep, because I think of what is going to happen in the future. When I finally find work again, how far into my transition can I go before things get awkward, or violent for me? How long before someone finds a reason to fire me that allows them to claim that it wasn't discrimination? How do I explain myself to my sons teachers? What do I do if one of the parents of my sons friends decides my son can’t play with their child because of who I am? What do I do when faced with all that? How can I even justify going through with my transition, using all that money when it could be used to pay bills, pay for food, pay for doctors, or even just buying toys for my babies? This whole thing terrifies me. I'm scared to exist, merely because existing the way I want to exist could mean no job, no house, no life if I'm not careful, as in I could be killed because of what I am. The thing that scares me more than that is what will happen to my kids and my wife if I start presenting and people make the connection. Everything that could happen to them keeps me awake.

I can't justify putting myself first at all. I need to put other people before me. I have a compulsion to do small things for myself to keep myself sane, like archery or hiking, but in the long run, I will never allow myself to put myself first. This leads to more problems.

Like my steadily declining health.

In that regard, I am purposefully putting off everything because of stupid reasons. Its like those fetch quest strings. Go get this, so that you can get this thing from that guy, who'll give you a thing to give to that guy over there who needs this other thing because blah blah blah. I put off working out because my back and feet wont allow me to work out in the ways I want/need to, but I dont go to the doctors to fix those things because [reasons], [bullshit], and [nonsense].

My diabetes is uncontrolled. I have had plenty of opportunities to go to doctors of all kinds of different fields to get me healthy. Doctors for my feet, my organs, my eyes, my back, doctors to get my weight down, start meal planning for a gastric sleeve, therapists, etc, etc, etc. I don't go. I never go. I know I should. I need to get myself into shape. I need to get the fatty tumor on my liver taken care of. I need to get insoles for my feet. I need to stay alive, but I hardly want to.

Because its inconvenient for everyone else.

I have to go to the doctor, well then I need to use the car to go way out to the outskirts of town to see her. I have to see another doctor later, and another later, well I've already used a ton of gas to do that, and I cant forget about how last time I went out to see my doctor, the tire went flat so we had to pay for new ones. Cant let that happen again. Doctors appointments at weird times? Cant try to get someone to babysit, they might be doing something else, I don't want to bother them. I'll just not go. It's easier that way.

That's how it goes.

Hell, even right now I feel terrible writing this instead of searching for a job. I mean, I know there isn't much more I can do to find one, short of getting out and going to places instead of applying online. I just feel bad. I don't really even play games anymore, because I feel guilty enjoying myself instead of providing, or even just trying to provide. I play strictly mobile games now, and the ones I play I just play because I'm part of groups and don't want to let them down. I'm playing a tabletop Fallout game with my wife that I created, mostly because she has been wanting to play D&D for a long time. My game is unpolished and rough, but she's enjoying it, so that's what matters.

I'm not writing this to complain, mostly. I'm going to complain anyway, because I try not to in real life, so I'm writing this on the off chance that more than five people read this. I'm writing this so that if there are any people that feel the same thing, they know that they aren't alone. The only reason I am comfortable typing this out in the first place is because I think only five to ten people read these when I put them out. Some of my dearest, closest friends have no idea who I am, even though I laid it out plain in the past posts. I guess that in a sense, it is a bit of a cry for help, but I'm allowed at least one, right?

Anyone?

*Ahem*.

Losing my job is the worst thing. I had started working at Sportsman's Warehouse, at the archery counter. It was great. Talk about bows, shoot bows, fix bows, and when I'm not doing that, head over to the gun counter and talk about guns, or do some minor work on scopes, sighting in rifles or whatever. Stock the shelves and clean when there is downtime. It was a fun, easy job. I lost the job because I fucked up an interaction with a customer, and mistakenly thought he wouldn't fire the air rifle I just cocked. Well he did, it was loud, and some people thought it was loaded. Corporate HR and Corporate LP decided I had to go. The managers did what they could for me but, I don't think they could even do much. I loved that job, I enjoyed the company of all the people I worked with. My bosses were cool.

All gone now.

Since I am living with my mom, there have been more troubles. My mom and step dad really like everything to be clean and neat, but I'm very lethargic most of the time. I try to help with cleaning and whatnot, but I just don't have the motivation. I know in my head that I shouldn't need motivation, I should just do it because I’m a god damn adult and that's what adults are supposed to do but... eh. Granted, I'm cleaning more here than I did when I was on my own.

My oldest son keeps telling us that he wants to go home, or go to the new house. Having to tell him that we are home, that there is no new house, and watching his little heart break is just the worst thing.

Living with my mom and step dad is great. We all get along great, we have fun and things aren't bad. I just know that we are a bit of an inconvenience. We dirty the house, eat the food, use the water, and don't really do much to help other than cleaning or occasionally buying beer. I wish there was more we could do, but I don't even know what there could be, without income anyway. We have money, but we need to use it to get a place, if there even is a place that will take us with no income, even if we can pay 6 months all at once.

Another thing is that my uncle was supposed to move down a while back, but the only place he can stay is here at my moms. We're still here, so he cant move down. I don't think he will move down until he knows we are back on our feet and stable. He's just like that, he likes to make sure everyone else is comfortable. He doesn't want to impose, I guess. Something like that. We create more inconveniences. So I'm a huge ball of anxiety and guilt and awful. This all contributes to the decline of my mental health. Dysphoria itself is bad enough but damn, just add everything else up and there's just a massive shitstorm on the horizon and I don't know whats going to happen when it hits. I don't know.

Additionally, I don't talk to anyone anymore. I don't know if I don't talk to them because of whats happening, or I just don't, or anything. I don't anymore. I would like to. I would, but I just don't. I guess its that motivation thing from before.

I mean, at this point I feel like I'm just rambling, but this is an important thing for people to know. Contact with humans outside of family is important. Having friends is important. I talk to a few of them online, but rarely.Plus I need to say all this stuff and not actually say it.

Point is, I don't know what my point is. I've got issues.

Everyone has issues, I know. I know that this is also my outlet, my way of letting people know how I feel about things and letting people know stuff about my life. It started out as my Daddy Blog thing and man did that go downhill fast. I feel the need to apologize for the content of these posts, though I know I have no reason to. Should be a little gateway into my head. I open myself to the public for that reason, to give people that gateway. Maybe something I type out and ramble about helps someone. Who knows?

God I hate posting these things, but I have to do it. I have to let it be known. Even if it makes me want to throw up because of nervousness. It’ll all just get worse if I don't.

Thanks for reading.

Links for more reading (Better reading)

My dads Amazon page! He has a ton of books.

https://www.amazon.com/Ron-Washburn/e/B008MN7D2U

My friends blog, she has adventures and ideas!

http://nearlyeloquent.com/

Transgender Universe article, and really just check out the site.

http://transgenderuniverse.com/2017/04/03/the-darkest-moments-in-a-transgender-existence/

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snowbellewells · 4 years

Text

Self Promo Sunday: “Sweet Tooth”

So this little bitty drabble was originally written as an Easter one shot, and because I was just wanting some fluffy, happy fun. It takes place probably a couple of years in the future from the end of season six: Killian and Emma are married, they have a toddler daughter, and Henry is driving! I think that's really all you need to know in order to enjoy.

Can also be found in my “Of Swans and Swords and Hopeful Hearts” collection of one shots and drabbles on AO3 or ff.net.

"Sweet Tooth"

by: @snowbellewells

"Oh husband of mine…" Emma Swan's voice drifted into the living room from the hall with a playful lilt she'd never had much occasion to use before meeting and falling for Killian Jones. Well, she amended to herself wryly as she came up behind where he sat on their couch, hunched over furtively and clearly hiding something, at least not beyond skips she had intended to seduce before taking them down. Still, using it to toy with her pirate a bit before catching him in some form of mischief was a much more entertaining scenario.

She peered over his shoulder, eyes sparkling and a smug smile on her face, almost certain she knew what she was going to find, even as her fingers ran up his neck and scruffed through his coarse, dark hair before gipping it and pulling his head back a bit to meet her eyes where she hovered over him.

Satisfied merriment flickered across his devilishly handsome face and in Killian's brilliant blue gaze as she stared him down – almost as if he had wanted her to catch him all the time. It was in rare moments like this, precious bits of down time for the two of them together, in their home, safe and comfortable and able to simply be themselves, that Emma saw the playful, boyish side of Killian Jones emerge gleefully. He'd had to grow up so fast, just as she had, that when the little boy he had been before betrayal, slavery, pain, and deprivation, felt assured enough to peek through just a bit in play with her, with Henry, or with their daughter, it was beautiful to see. As a ship's captain in a dangerous realm, fighting beings like Rumplestiltskin or in tenuous cahoots with such devious compatriots as Cora or Pan, his buoyant, youthful nature had found little outlet for hundreds of lonely years. Now, however, it was sweeter, gentler than that, and it warmed Emma's heart.

As her eyes trailed from his, she easily spotted the bag of individually wrapped miniature candy bars which she had been hiding in the kitchen cabinet behind her cocoa mix. There were also three or four crumpled metallic gold Twix wrappers on the coffee table in front of him which Killian had not had time to hide. Not to mention the small trace of chocolate in the corner of his smile that she was already hankering to lick away in a slow, sultry kiss.

"You do know those were meant to be for the kids' Easter baskets, right?" she chided, pulling just the tiniest bit harder with the hand she had carded into his hair – all part of the teasing more than genuine irritation. Though, if he had demolished enough of her stash that she had to go back to Clark's mini-mart for more treats to take to Regina and her mother's ridiculous dressy dinner and egg hunt, then Killian was being dragged there with her to hear whatever town complaint Leroy would be standing at the counter yammering on about, to get an earful of Frederick and Kathryn debating which dog food was best for Ajax's coat and joints while they blocked the way down the aisle, to listen to Marco discussing the merits of hand tools versus power, Archie and Belle comparing notes on which herbal teas were best for calm and relaxation, to be sidetracked by Ashley wanting to get them on the PTA phone tree, or whomever else most felt the need to bend an objective listener's ear and so always managed to get her wrapped up in their conversations. It was why she could never return from what should be fifteen minute errands in much under an hour, and why she tried to stock up on all she could think of when she went. Yep, if her pirate had pilfered all the chocolate she bought ahead to avoid the holiday crowd, then he was getting a taste of the chore that shopping was for her.

Raising an eyebrow at her insouciantly, as if he had read her thoughts and had very much raided her collection merely to get a rise out of her, Killian hissed through his teeth just slightly at the increased pressure on his scalp and shifted restlessly on the couch, clearly feeling the tension and heat in the room creep upward just as inexorably as she did. Running his wicked tongue across his lower lip in an obscene gesture that both infuriated her and made her want to suck it into her own mouth, he brought his hand up to uncurl her fingers from his dark hair and pulled it down toward himself, making her lean further over the couch as he murmured, "Oh yes? Well, if that's the case, come and take them back from me."

Emma's breath stalled in her throat at his words; the look in his eyes as he gazed back at her upside down and waggling his eyebrows ridiculously should not be as devastating as he made it, but he unfairly turned the teasing around on her all too smoothly. By the time he had brought the hand he'd captured to his lips, tracing his warm, wet tongue across her palm and up her wrist to nip lightly at her suddenly racing pulse, she was on fire beneath her skin and ready to crawl over the back of the couch to get to him.

Humming lowly to himself, Killian continued his slow, deliberate path with lips, teeth and tongue up to her elbow, and Emma could only watch, entranced, panting and flushed. How had she lost control of this whole situation so quickly? She only wondered briefly to herself before silently admitting that she didn't really care if she had – only with Killian could she truly relish the relief of not having to take the lead and handle everything all the time. She was just moving around the end of the couch to take back the upper hand, and perhaps give Killian a taste of something well beyond pilfered chocolate, when Henry came thundering down the stairs into the room.

"Guys, come on!" he groaned, immediately flushing as red as his mother and turning away slightly. "You're in the middle of the living room!" He hadn't really seen anything scarring – yet – but the way both of them had sprung backwards and given him matching deer-in-the-headlight looks made where things had been headed crystal clear. It wasn't the first – nor would it be the last – time he'd walked into a heated moment about to turn into a raging inferno.

Shaking his head at them in good natured exasperation while Killian chuckled lowly with a shrug and his mom offered a sheepish "Sorry, Kid", Henry plowed on, holding up a somewhat crushed-looking, pink beribboned Easter basket. "I found Morgan's basket grandma made her last year," he announced wryly. "Don't ask why it's buried in the bottom of my closet, but here it is. I knew you were looking for it. She might actually be old enough to put something in it this year."

Both his mom and stepdad smirked with him then, remembering the vision of his year old sister contentedly trying to stuff a handful of grass into her mouth the year before.

With an added explanation that he was off to pick up Violet, and twirling his own newly acquired set of keys to David's old pickup – now his – in his hand, Henry was off with a teenaged warning to keep it PG, he thought he'd heard his little sister stirring from her nap on his way downstairs. "See you at 5!" he called at last, and then was out the door.

Emma sent Killian a devious little smile full of promise as they did indeed begin to hear the sounds of their young princess waking up and moving around in her room overhead. Morgan Ruth Jones was not afraid to make her presence and wakefulness known, and as if on cue, she began to call out for "Mama!" and "Papa!"

Still grinning as she jogged up the stairs to fetch their little girl and get her ready for the party, warning Killian that the rest of the chocolate needed to go in the plastic eggs not his mouth, and quickly, Emma contented herself with the anxiously happy thought that she still had a treat awaiting her when they got back home.

Tagging: @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @jennjenn615 @whimsicallyenchantedrose@tiganasummertree @laschatzi @winterbaby89 @darkcolinodonorgasm @resident-of-storybrooke @teamhook @revanmeetra87 @lfh1226-linda @shireness-says @snidgetsafan @ineffablecolors @let-it-raines @spartanguard @mayquita @thislassishooked @linda8084

#cs one shot #ouat ff #cs fluff #cs future family #ouat Easter au ff #self promo sunday fic #sweet tooth

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snowbellewells · 7 years

Text

“Sweet Tooth”

By: snowbellewells

So this little bitty drabble is in honor of the upcoming Easter holiday, and I just wanted to write it for some fluffy, happy fun. It takes place probably a couple of years in the future from where our show is now: Killian and Emma are married, they have a toddler daughter, and Henry is driving! I think that’s really all you need to know in order to enjoy.

Tagging some lovely folks who may enjoy... @flslp87 @bromfieldhall @drowned-dreamer @mossandmushroom @kimmy46 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @jackieorioncat @kitkattin92 @kmomof4 @laschatzi @rere105 @blackwidownat2814 @spartanguard @startswithhope @revanmeetra87 @jennjenn615

“Oh husband of mine…” Emma Swan’s voice drifted into the living room from the hall with a playful lilt she’d never had much occasion to use before meeting and falling for Killian Jones. Well, she amended to herself wryly as she came up behind where he sat on their couch, hunched over furtively and clearly hiding something, at least not beyond skips she had intended to seduce before taking them down. Still, using it to toy with her pirate a bit before catching him in some form of mischief was a much more entertaining scenario.

Satisfied merriment flickered across his devilishly handsome face and in Killian’s brilliant blue gaze as she stared him down – almost as if he had wanted her to catch him all the time. It was in rare moments like this, precious bits of down time for the two of them together, in their home, safe and comfortable and able to simply be themselves, that Emma saw the playful, boyish side of Killian Jones emerge gleefully. He’d had to grow up so fast, just as she had, that when the little boy he had been before betrayal, slavery, pain, and deprivation, felt assured enough to peek through just a bit in play with her, with Henry, or with their daughter, it was beautiful to see. As a ship’s captain in a dangerous realm, fighting beings like Rumplestiltskin or in tenuous cahoots with such devious compatriots as Cora or Pan, his buoyant, youthful nature had found little outlet for hundreds of lonely years. Now, however, it was sweeter, gentler than that, and it warmed Emma’s heart.

“You do know those were meant to be for the kids’ Easter baskets, right?” she chided, pulling just the tiniest bit harder with the hand she had carded into his hair – all part of the teasing more than genuine irritation. Though, if he had demolished enough of her stash that she had to go back to Clark’s mini-mart for more treats to take to Regina and her mother’s ridiculous dressy dinner and egg hunt, then Killian was being dragged there with her to hear whatever town complaint Leroy would be standing at the counter yammering on about, to get an earful of Frederick and Kathryn debating which dog food was best for Ajax’s coat and joints while they blocked the way down the aisle, to listen to Marco discussing the merits of hand tools versus power, Archie and Belle comparing notes on which herbal teas were best for calm and relaxation, to be sidetracked by Ashley wanting to get them on the PTA phone tree, or whomever else most felt the need to bend an objective listener’s ear and so always managed to get her wrapped up in their conversations. It was why she could never return from what should be fifteen minute errands in much under an hour, and why she tried to stock up on all she could think of when she went. Yep, if her pirate had pilfered all the chocolate she bought ahead to avoid the holiday crowd, then he was getting a taste of the chore that shopping was for her.

Raising an eyebrow at her insouciantly, as if he had read her thoughts and had very much raided her collection merely to get a rise out of her, Killian hissed through his teeth just slightly at the increased pressure on his scalp and shifted restlessly on the couch, clearly feeling the tension and heat in the room creep upward just as inexorably as she did. Running his wicked tongue across his lower lip in an obscene gesture that both infuriated her and made her want to suck it into her own mouth, he brought his hand up to uncurl her fingers from his dark hair and pulled it down toward himself, making her lean further over the couch as he murmured, “Oh yes? Well, if that’s the case, come and take them back from me.”

Emma’s breath stalled in her throat at his words; the look in his eyes as he gazed back at her upside down and waggling his eyebrows ridiculously should not be as devastating as he made it, but he unfairly turned the teasing around on her all too smoothly. By the time he had brought the hand he’d captured to his lips, tracing his warm, wet tongue across her palm and up her wrist to nip lightly at her suddenly racing pulse, she was on fire beneath her skin and ready to crawl over the back of the couch to get to him.

Humming lowly to himself, Killian continued his slow, deliberate path with lips, teeth and tongue up to her elbow, and Emma could only watched, entranced, panting and flushed. How had she lost control of this whole situation so quickly? She only wondered briefly to herself before silently admitting that she didn’t really care if she had – only with Killian could she truly relish the relief of not having to take the lead and handle everything all the time. She was just moving around the end of the couch to take back the upper hand, and perhaps give Killian a taste of something well beyond pilfered chocolate, when Henry came thundering down the stairs into the room.

“Guys, come on!” he groaned, immediately flushing as red as Emma was and turning away slightly. “You’re in the middle of our living room!” He hadn’t really seen anything scarring – yet – but the way both of them had sprung backwards and given him matching deer-in-the-headlight looks made where things had been headed crystal clear. It wasn’t the first – nor would it be the last – time he’d walked into a heated moment about to turn into a raging inferno.

Shaking his head at them in good natured exasperation while Killian chuckled lowly with a shrug and his mom offered a sheepish “Sorry, Kid”, Henry plowed on, holding up a somewhat crushed-looking, pink beribboned Easter basket. “I found Morgan’s basket grandma made her last year,” he announced wryly. “Don’t ask why it’s buried in the bottom of my closet, but here it is. I knew you were looking for it. She might actually be old enough to put something in it this year.”

Both his mom and stepdad smirked with him then, remembering the vision of his year old sister contentedly trying to stuff a handful of grass into her mouth the year before.

With an added explanation that he was off to pick up Violet, and twirling his own newly acquired set of keys to David’s old pickup – now his – in his hand, Henry was off with a teenaged warning to keep it PG, he thought he’d heard his little sister stirring from her nap on his way downstairs. “See you at 5!” he called at last, and then was out the door.

#cs fluff fic #future domestic fluff #easter candy

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