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scrapyardboyfriends · 6 years

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11 January 2018

(Wrote a full Plotdale in honor of the White's Exit. It's nearly 3k of nonsense. I hope all of you who have been missing Plotdale, enjoy it. If you make it through, let me know)

[Home Farm with Lawrence, Chrissie, Rebecca, Lachlan and Sebasttiennneeen]

LAWRENCE: Dog is safe away from us! - for the fans

CHRISSIE AND REBECCA: *People who aren’t us will be so happy Face*

*Whites banter about Sebastttttiieennnnnee* #WorstNameEver

CHRISSIE: I can’t believe the Plot is finally setting us free! It doesn’t feel real.

LACHLAN: *Appears* *Miserable about the Plot Face*

LAWRENCE: You could try looking a little more excited about the Plot letting us go, Lucky. I’ve been waiting for this for MONTHS!!! Afterall, I checked out back in August. #BitterAndSalty

CHRISSIE: Yeah, come on Lucky. Australia is lovely and Plot free this time of year. What could go wrong?

LACHLAN: But...I just don’t understand why Belle would break up with me. It’s not like I stalked her when I first arrived and took creepy pictures of her and then sexually assaulted someone and got away with it and then faked suicidal thoughts and then kind of stalked her again when she was dating that doctor #NotAllDoctorsAreNice and then shot granddad and helped you frame an innocent man and then went to prison for it anyway and then there was that time I kidnapped your uncle and tortured him and then I faked my own suicide while I hid in the attic spying on everyone….I mean, I’ve never done anything wrong in my whole life!!! #LetSerialKillerLachlanRise

CHRISSIE: You’re so right, nothing is ever your fault, Lucky. And nothing about that attitude is going to come back and haunt me later at all. Also, let me get in one last dig about the Dingles.

LAWRENCE: *Casually Sexist*

REBECCA: *Looks vaguely amused but offended*

CHRISSIE: Go pack! The clock is ticking on our lives!

*The Whites attempt to have cute banter* #TooLittleTooLate #BetrayedByThePlot

LACHLAN: *Murder Eyes*

[Keepers Cottage with Robert and Victoria]

VICTORIA: Robert? Are you sure this insane plan is the right thing to do?

ROBERT: Obviously. We clearly have no other options.

VICTORIA: But like, surely there’s something else we could do that makes more sense?!

ROBERT: I’m waiting….?

VICTORIA: Look! I’m sure there is, okay, but the Plot won’t let me think of any right now.

ROBERT: Great, the crazy plan it is! I mean, I tried to go down the legal route before I did something stupid but the Plot left me no choice!

VICTORIA: But like...will this help you legally?

ROBERT: Does the Plot care about legality? Rebecca just wants to hurt me okay! #YourVictimComplexIsShowing #TheWhitesHaveRubbedOffOnYou

[Home Farm with Lawrence, Chrissie and Rebecca]

CHRISSIE: I’d like to say we had plenty of good times but...we pretty much just messed everything up because the Plot hates us. I mean...we let Lachlan get away with sexually assaulting someone for way too long, I might have gotten my first husband murdered, I set fire to Robert’s car and accidentally killed three people, I found out I wasn’t your biological kid and you fought being gay for so long you were literally shooting teddy bears in the yard, I found out you got my bio dad killed, I tried to date my uncle, we let Rebecca into the house, we all disowned each other five hundred times, we believed Robert Sugden too many times for our own good and WE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WE HAD AN ATTIC!

LAWRENCE: Ah...good times. At least we’re united now! No time left to disown each other before we go!

CHRISSIE: I’m sure everyone will miss us so much. They’ll probably throw a fireworks display in our honor and totally not for ironic reasons. #StopLyingYouLiar Oh and I lied, now I’ll get my last dig in about the Dingles. Cause I’m far superior than them, especially Charity.

LAWRENCE: I’m sorry for all of the horrible things I’ve done and all the gullibility and all the lying.

CHRISSIE: Oh don’t worry Dad, you’re not alone in all of that. I’m also sometimes terrible. But let’s not actually talk about that because why would we admit to our own mistakes properly! Now….let’s go get Lucky and go. LUCKY!!!

REBECCA: Hi, I’ve arrived to deliver the Plot relevant line because I don’t matter! Lachlan is not here. #JobDone

[The Village with Robert, Aaron, Gerry, Tip, Ross, Moses and Victoria]

*Aaron runs with a dog* - for the fans #GetAaronAPuppy

GERRY: *Leaves a message for Lachlan to further the Plot*

AARON: Hey best friend! You look like you’re running away. That’s never a good sign.

GERRY: *interrupts*

AARON: Go away Gerry! I’m trying to have a chat with my idiot husband..I mean best friend.

*Gerry runs ahead*

AARON: So...what are you doing exactly?

ROBERT: *Is Shifty*

ROSS: *Appears with Moses looking like a good dad* #LetTheTheoryLive *References Adam Plot*

ROBERT: Hey best friend Aaron, I know you want to hit him but you learned that violence wasn’t the answer back in your Boxing Filler Plot. This is so 2017 Aaron. That said, he absolutely deserves a punch but just...the Plot doesn’t have time for that right now. You need to not be in prison so we can have that reunion soon.

AARON: Cheers, best friend. Thanks for looking out for me. Back to you though, you look like you’re about to do something stupid but you wouldn’t tell me if you were, would you?

ROBERT: You know me so well. This is why you’re my BFF.

AARON: Please don’t do anything stupid Robert. #ImNotReadyToLoseYou

GERRY: Come on Aaron! It’s time for the Plot to move on without us!

*Aaron and Gerry run away from the Plot*

VICTORIA: Robert! It’s time to do something stupid!

[Wishing Well with Lachlan and Belle]

LACHLAN: Belle, I really don’t understand why you broke up with me so the Plot sent me here to get vital information that will impact the rest of the Plot.

BELLE: Well...I’m going to try really hard not to tell you for a while…

*Tick tock tick tock*

LACHLAN: *Makes lots of super insensitive comments about Belle’s metal health issues*

*Tick tock tick tock*

BELLE: Okay fine, you’re mum told me about your attic lair and I think you need help. So I think that you should go and do what the Plot wants you to do.

LACHLAN: *Sad Murder Eyes*

[Outside Home Farm with Robert, Victoria, Lawrence, Chrissie, Rebecca, Lachlan, Sebastttiiennnee and Sebasstttiiienenne’s inadequate double]

ROBERT: *Super Spy Mode Activate* Look at Rebecca trying to ruin my life. #YourVictimComplexIsShowing

VICTORIA: Let it go, Rob.

ROBERT: Uh...this is the basis for this entire Plot, how can I let it go?

VICTORIA: Because when you’re wound up, you make mistakes and when you make mistakes, people die!

ROBERT: Oh I’m willfully ignoring all of the signs in this Plot. I’m not going to make ANY MISTAKES! No #UnintendedConsequences for this full proof plan!

LAWRENCE: Can we just have one last look that we didn’t miss any opportunities in the Plot? #SoManyMissedOpportunities #PlotVicitms

CHRISSIE: *On the Phone* Come on Lucky, we really need you for this Plot! Just one more time.

REBECCA: *Exists to put Sebasstteeieennne in the car*

*The Whites head back into Home Farm*

VICTORIA: Chrissie! I still have a catering business! I know, right! But anyway, it’s super relevant right now so will you talk to me about it?

CHRISSIE: Uhh...this seems suspicious but okay.

ROBERT: *Super Secret Spy Mode Run* *Opens car door*

SEBASTINENNEEEENNE: *Cries while wearing adorable teddy bear onesie*

ROBERT: *Dad Mode Activate* Today you’re my mate! You know who else is my mate, Aaron. You’re the only two people in the world I care about.

*Camera shifts*

ROBERT: *Picks up Sebasttienneeeenen’s double* It’s okay, I’ve got ya.

SEBASTTTTIIENNE’S DOUBLE: *Does an inadequate impression of a baby*

ROBERT: *Runs* #NoActualBabiesWereEndangeredDuringThisSegment

REBECCA: *Exists for the specific Plot purpose of seeing Robert running*

ROBERT: *Damn this driveway is longer than I remembered Face*

REBECCA: ROOOOBBBBBERRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! #DupedAgain #PlotVictim #UgliestCoatVestThingEver

LAWRENCE: Oh no! What the Plot has happened now?!

REBECCA: *Bad Acting Alert* Robert, Robert, Robert, he’s taken Seb. The Plot wants us to go now!

CHRISSIE: I’ll drive! A decision that will absolutely not come back to haunt me. #PlotVictim

LACHLAN: Oh I think it will. #LetSerialKillerLachlanRise

[High Speed Chase on a Country Road with Robert, Sebassttteeeiieene, Chrissie, Lachlan, Lawrence and Rebecca]

ROBERT: Hey son, Daddy’s an idiot and sometimes he does really stupid things because he’s not with his husband and the Plot tells him to. But I love you. *Turns Right*

BACKSEAT DRIVERS: *Bad Acting Alert*

CHRISSIE: Lachlan are you okay? You look scarily calm.

LACHLAN: I’m finally channeling my inner psycho. I’ll be okay soon enough.

CHRISSIE: Which way should I go?

REBECCA: Left, definitely left. I know Robert soooo well!

CHRISSIE: *Turns Right*

REBECCA: Why’d you do that?! Don’t you trust my judgement when it comes to Robert?

CHRISSIE: Uh, no. And the Plot has decided to acknowledge that Robert and I had a connection once until you showed up on screen. But it’s my day, so shut up and let me get on with it.

ROBERT: *Tense and Panicked Face*

SEBASSTTITTIEENENE: *Chillin* #MightTakeANap

CHRISSIE: *Sees Robert Ahead* #Vindicated

*White Sisters Argue For The Last Time* #AboutTime

LAWRENCE: How did Robert possibly know about our Super Top Secret Plot?!?! We were soooo careful!

REBECCA: It was you Lachlan, wasn’t it? Not all of us who had multiple conversations about it in full view of the public. I just assumed they didn’t care enough about us to notice us anymore. *Bad Acting Alert* Faster Chrissie!

CHRISSIE: Lachlan, I’m still concerned about how you’re acting. Did you see Belle?

LACHLAN: *Holds Plot Phone* *Means to ignore Gerry’s call*

CHRISSIE: *Gets sudden Plot urge to stroke Lachlan’s fingers*

LACHLAN: *Accidentally does the future Plot a favor and calls Gerry*

[The Mill with Aaron and Gerry]

GERRY: *Ignores the Plot calling* You go Gerry, baby!

AARON: Did you just call yourself baby? I really don’t know why I let you live here.

GERRY: *Crashes Car* #Foreshadowing

PSYCHIC AARON: Crash and burn baby! #FORESHADOWING

[High Speed Chase on a Country Road with Robert, Sebassttteeeiieene, Chrissie, Lachlan, Lawrence and Rebecca]

LACHLAN: I know all about the Plot mum.

CHRISSIE: Wait, what? That’s not supposed to happen. But, look, it’s for your own good. Everything I’ve ever done for you has been for your own good. That’s why you turned out like this.

REBECCA: *Bad Acting Alert* But what about my Plot!!!

CHRISSIE: I love you more than anything in the world Lucky. And that level of love and letting you get away with everything has absolutely not been detrimental to you character.

LACHLAN: You know what we need right now? Some creepy poetry. #LachlansPoetryJam

LAWRENCE: *Bad Acting Alert* Uhh sorry, can we focus on the Plot at hand, please!

LACHLAN: *Recites Creepy Poem* #LachlansPoetryJam

REBECCA: *Bad Acting Alert* But, this is still about MY PLOT! *Cries Inadequately*

CHRISSIE: I was a great mother, Lachlan. Everything I did was your for your own good. But I’m touched you remember my creepy poetry. #MotherOfTheYear

LACHLAN: *Recites More Creepy Poetry*

LAWRENCE: Can this poetry reading wait until we’re in Australia?

LACHLAN: *Psycho Voice* We’re not going to Australia. Don’t you get it, you’re all the monsters. And I have to make all the monsters disappear. *Screams* *Grabs the wheel*

LAWRENCE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! #Iconic

*Screaming*

*Lorry Driver hits the Whites* #TrueHero

ROBERT: *Slams on brakes* *Shocked Face* *I made a mistake Face* #UnintendedConsequences #IShouldHaveSeenThisComing

[Crash Site with Robert, Lachlan, Dying Chrissie, Unconscious Rebecca, Dead Lawrence and Sebastteieenneee]

*Disclaimer: No Lorry Drivers were harmed in the making of this stunt* - for the fans

ROBERT: *Still Shocked Face*

SEBASTTTTIEENNNE: *Cries* *Still Exists*

ROBERT: *Human Mode Activate* - for the fans - *Calls Ambulance* #CharacterGrowth

DEAD LAWRENCE: *Is dead* #Payback

ROBERT: *Panicked Face* It’s a really bad accident that I am in no way responsible for. #UnintendedConsequences

ROBERT: *Human Mode On Overdrive* *Runs to Rebecca first because she’s the mother of the baby chilling in his backseat*

LACHLAN: *I think I just killed my mum Face*

*Robert and Lachlan have a weird hug moment as Robert pulls him from the car*

LACHLAN: Where’s Granddad?

DEAD LAWRENCE: *Still dead*

ROBERT: I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.

LACHLAN: *It’s really not, I was going to do it anyway Face* Standing over his dead body is different to how I thought it would be. I’ve only been imagining it for years. #LetSerialKillerLachlanRise #TheresStillTime

ROBERT: What happened?

LACHLAN: The Plot will never let me admit that.

DYING CHRISSIE: *Still alive*

ROBERT: *Soft Human Voice* It’s gonna be okay Chrissie, just try and hang on. Just think about yourself.

LACHLAN: The ambulance is coming soon.

CHRISSIE: Are you sure you’re not just going to kill me?

LACHLAN: *The Plot’s not sure yet Face*

[The Woolpack with Victoria, Diane, Gerry and Belle]

VICTORIA: I can’t believe Robert hasn’t called me back after kidnapping his son! How rude!

*Belle and Gerry show up*

VICTORIA: Hey Belle, you haven’t seen Lachlan have you? He’s part of the White’s Plot and I need an update.

BELLE: No, I’m trying my hardest to get out of that Plot.

DIANE: Doesn’t Rob have his mediation today?

VICTORIA: Oh he’s way past the mediation stage? See, he kidnapped Seb...now I know what you’re thinking Diane, but it’s only so Rebecca couldn’t also kidnap him and take him off to Australia.

DIANE: I’m sorry, what is this Plot you’re dragging me into?

VICTORIA: I promise it’s not as stupid as it sounds!

DIANE: *This is going to go SOOO wrong Face*

[Crash Site with Robert, Lachlan, Dying Chrissie, Unconscious Rebecca, Dead Lawrence and Sebastteieenneee]

LACHLAN: *Casually Victim Blames*

ROBERT: *Has a sweet Chrobert moment to remind the audience that they were once a thing and the Plot hasn’t completely forgotten that* *Strokes Chrissie’s Cheek* You just have to hang on a little longer, okay? *Pained Face*

DYING CHRISSIE: *Still dying*

ROBERT: *Has crowbar* I have to get Rebecca out because she’s the mother of my child. That’s the only reason I care at all.

UNCONSCIOUS REBECCA: *Bleeds*

ROBERT: Oh god #UnintendedConsequences

DYING CHRISSIE: *Still Dying*

*Dying Chrissie and Lachlan have some touching mother/son time where she once again insists that she was a great mother and Lachlan tells her that her dad is dead*

LACHLAN: *Feels guilty*

DYING CHRISSIE: *Dies* #RIPChrissie

LACHLAN: I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! #ThePlotMadeMeDoIt

ROBERT: *Witnesses the meltdown* *Cogs Turning*

[The Woolpack with Victoria, Diane, Belle and Gerry]

VICTORIA: So...Robert possibly caused an accident because the Whites were trying to get Seb back.

BELLE: Oh no, suddenly I want to be in this Plot again. I was almost free.

GERRY: I like to be involved in everything. I’m coming too.

DIANE: *I expected this Face*

[Hotten General with Robert, Sebasttttieeene, Unconscious Rebecca, Victoria, Diane, Belle, Gerry, Lachlan and Alex]

ROBERT: Oh no it’s the audition scene!

UNCONSCIOUS REBECCA: *Still unconscious*

VICTORIA: Oh good the BABY is safe! - wow it’s been a while -

BELLE: What about my part of the Plot? Where’s Lachlan?

ROBERT: No clue. He came in the other ambulance. I was too focused on Seb’s mum, Unconscious Rebecca. She looked really awful.

DIANE: And Chrissie and Lawrence?

ROBERT: Dead. #UnintendedConsequences *Cries*

*Cut to Lachlan’s miraculous private room*

THE ONLY DOCTOR IN THE DALES: Hi, I’m Alex, the only doctor in the Dales. *Blah Blah Medical Jargon* Is there anyone you’d like us to call?

LACHLAN: Half my family is dead, you insensitive jerk.

BELLE: Oh Lachlan, I still care about our Plot together. Oh hi Alex,

THE ONLY DOCTOR IN THE DALES: Hi Belle. Remember that one time we met because your dad had a chest infection just so I could show off my perfect doctoring skills and impress Aaron’s family? Oh and that other time we met when I invited myself to yours for Christmas. Anyway, I’ve served my purpose in reminding the audience that I am in fact a doctor, so I’ll see myself out now.

BELLE: Oh Lachlan, it’s good that you’ve got Alex as your doctor cause he’s really nice. It’s literally his only characteristic besides being a doctor. #TowingThePartyLine

LACHLAN: Half my family are dead and all you can go on about is how nice Dr Alex is?!?

GERRY: *Makes an inappropriate comment*

BELLE: You don’t have to tell us about the Plot now…

LACHLAN: *Lies about the Plot* #EverythingIsMyMumsFault

*Back in the waiting room*

VICTORIA: Baby!

DIANE: It’s a blessing he’s still a baby and has no idea what the Plot even is.

ROBERT: Excuse me! I had a Plot like this when I was just a baby and let me tell you, it still affects you later on. People feel sorry for you and you only know half of who you are. #CharacterDevelopment #NeverForgetPatSugden

VICTORIA: This is not the time for old Plot revelations! Rebecca’s not dead yet! There’s no way she’s going to leave her son behind. Cause she’s Seb’s Mother and that’s it.

DIANE: Let’s hope you’re right, Love. #SpeakingForPartOfTheFandom

ANOTHER DOCTOR IN THE DALES: #SuckItAlex Unconscious Rebecca is still unconscious. She'll be in a coma until the Plot needs her again.

ROBERT: I can’t believe I actually was this stupid. Wait, scratch that, I should blame you for letting me be this stupid.

VICTORIA: Are you kidding me? I told you to think about it properly!

ROBERT: Well not loud enough. You’re not Aaron. You’re not proper impulse control for me. #IMissMyHusband And now look what’s happened! #UnintendedConsequences

DIANE: I’m sure he didn’t mean it. *Goes to find Robert*

ROBERT: *Human Robert Still Activated* Yeah I know, I was out of line. #Progress #CharacterGrowth

DIANE: It’s okay, Victoria hardly takes you seriously.

ROBERT: I just don’t understand how this Plot turned out like this. Chrissie just swerved into an oncoming truck. Unless… *Detective Mode Activate* Maybe Lachlan did it.

DIANE: That’s crazy!

ROBERT: And so is Lachlan. I think he did something. I think he might have caused the accident. #DetectiveRobertOnTheCase

#robron #emmerdale #plotdale #if you read it please like or reblog #i spent too long on this

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kellykadesperate · 7 years

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so because i have no self control and am heavily influenced by the fandom and au’s, (i am firmly looking at you @softrobertsugden) i have started writing a ‘sweet home alabama’ fic which will be a chunky one shot piece. i promised @robertisbisexual a preview of the opening of it and considering i made her cry already today with my wip fic, i hope her heart is mended a little by this lmao.

Robert's staring at himself in the mirror and not being ashamed to admit he likes what he sees. His wearing a three piece black suit, he's got these fancy cufflinks on and something in his hair which is making it look even more styled than usual.

He can feel the ring in his pocket and it serves as a reminder of what's to come. Robert smirks, almost sees the money bags forming around his eyes if he thinks hard enough really.

There's a loose piece of thread hanging from his waistcoat and it's annoying so he tugs hard and watches it fall. It's easy, getting what he wants, maybe too easy but he doesn't want to dwell on that.

The sound of a glass clinking downstairs pulls him back to what he really needs to focus on. Chrissie White. His darling, soon to be fiancé who he genuinely does have feelings for, in a sort of way he doesn't want to have to sit down and describe. He loves her and it's enough, it's always been enough when you consider everything else he's getting. It's a sweet deal, pushing a ring down on her finger and saying some vows.

It gets him a house, a stake in a business, a wife who will actually try her hardest to please him as much as she can considering the cock up of her last wedding and the insanity of her son who they don't talk about anymore. He's in some special boarding school in Poland and Robert has to try not to find it fucking hilarious every time Chrisse decides to have her monthly cry into the satin sheets about failing him. As if she forced him to touch an drunk woman all over and get charged with sexual assault.

He doesn't understand that, her guilt over things she cannot even control. It's ridiculous.

The clock in the corner of the bedroom makes Robert's jaw clench, tense a little and shake his head. It's nearly twelve and usually that doesn't mean anything but it's New Years Eve and he should be expecting some cheesy message from Vic about seeing each other more despite her still being in that poxy village and him actually making something of himself in London.

He misses her, he's not too proud to admit that. He misses aspects of a whole life he once led but as soon as he does he realises why he left, why he had to leave and it's enough to make him forget it all. He's managed to have this great ability of blacking out entire dates in his mind, ones that should hold some importance. It's a life saver, literally, because he can't imagine being one of those people who carry around sadness and guilt and *regret over their past.

"Are you planning on hiding up here all night then?"

He hears the voice and registers it without even looking up. He knows that voice, he knows it's flirtatious tone which has long been abandoned by her sister. It's Rebecca White. Something makes Robert rolls his eyes because he knows he's probably going to have to hurt her and he could do without the hassle of it all really. So they have causal sex, quite hasty and manic yet not filled with as much heat as he would like. The last time it happened he literally just bent her over a basin and tried to block out her eager shrieking as she clearly enjoyed herself.

He has to tell her that it's happening, that he's getting engaged to her sister and he doesn't know how exactly she's going to react. He thinks about her slapping him and it suddenly annoys him because if she was being honest with herself she knew exactly what she was getting herself into as soon as she snogged his face off at that summer party. She was a flighty thing, that was always her problem, she'd run from her problems, usually to somewhere warm, and Robert would know he's hurt her heart once again.

He doesn't want to. He does like her, she just isn't enough. She isn't where the money was. Rebecca, with her huge hats and the ridiculous beads in her hair, is just too unreliable to even consider marrying and he certainly doesn't love her enough to do what tossers do and marry for love.

The thought makes him smirk and then he has to turn to her, she looks beautiful in that sort of young, naïve way about her and he smiles.

"No, just finishing getting ready." He says, looks back at the mirror like he has to look at himself again and then he's watching her coming closer, he feels the glitter in her dress bring her closer towards him and then suddenly he smells her perfume by his neck and yeah she's fucking kissing his neck.

It takes a few seconds to prize her off and then Robert's holding onto her shoulders like she's a four year old who needs telling off or something.

"Bex. What did I say?" He's saying and her eyes are fluttering like she's confused and he sighs. "This, us, it's -"

Rebecca shrugs her shoulders away from Robert's grip and turns towards the mirror, fixes the feather headdress plastered on her forehead and then presses her lips together like she's trying to maintain the red lip she's rocking. She does this, pretends that she's not heard or that she's not bothered and then Robert will find her crying in the gardens or trying to cop off with a random.

So he'll tell her it all now to save her any more tears.

"I'm going to ask Chrissie to marry me tonight." He says, really means a few seconds into the new year but he doubts Rebecca really cares for specifics right now.

He watches her turn, watches an O form in her mouth and the way she nods after a few seconds. "I see." She says, comes closer towards him and then smiles. "Should I be happy for you then?" She's asking, expression suddenly hard and Robert looks away.

It's not hard, none of this really is but it's just frustrating. He can't decide suddenly if the impending engagement even really matters that much to Rebecca or if this is all really a front. He pictures slamming hair against a bathroom wall as the party dies down, ring free from his pocket and a hand cupping her breasts as she still tries to feign indifference. That's the thing with Bex, she tries to make out she's good when she isn't really. Chrissie owns her demons whilst Rebecca tries to hire them out for hours on end. It's why she never really looks at home with herself, maybe it's why she's so attracted to someone who wears the demons right on their sleeve without a care in the world.

"I don't get why you're taking this so badly." He argues, has a hand out and frowns at her. "You know I'm with her, you know I love her and - okay now I see a future with her too." It's not exactly lying, but he sees that Rebecca doesn't quite believe him and it frustrates him more than anything else.

Rebecca turns to leave and then Robert holds her tightly by the wrist, he fucking hears the damn hitching of her breath and the passion running through her and it's just so easy. "Nothing's changed you know." He says, lies really, voice like gravel as he bends down towards her and watches her eyes flutter again.

"Of course it has. She's going to be your wife." She hisses out, still letting Robert hold onto her wrist and not even attempting to move herself away. She likes it. She loves this.

And all Robert has to say is: "Well she's not my wife yet."

It makes Rebecca roll her eyes fucking playfully and then she's kissing his cheek, pressing her red lips against his skin and smiling as she walks back towards the door and back down the stairs leaving Robert with a mark of her like it means a damn thing.

Everyone is old so no one really jumps up and down like teenagers when the countdown begins. Like every year Robert is plagued suddenly with thoughts about his old life and what he used to. He spends the whole year trying his hardest to block it all out and then spends literally ten seconds thinking about it all.

He remembers a cricket pavilion. He remembers cans of beer. He remembers laughing. He remembers jumping into a car and screaming at the top of his voice as he drove somewhere. He remembers losing someone and it crushing at his gut over and over again.

"Happy new year darling." Chrissie is hanging on him, her dress is that little more expensive than Rebecca's and it manages to cement something in Robert's mind. He knows he's picked the right one, knows with a arrogant confidence that he had the fucking choice, still does really.

He kisses her, can't believe how short those ten seconds actually were and then he's holding her hand, leading her outside into the gardens where fireworks are being fired and Lawrence is enjoy a tipple with some old friends, or lovers, it's hard to tell with him.

He's down on one knee before Chrissie can say anything and he instantly regrets it, the grass is wet and this suit is expensive.

"Chrissie White, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" He's not even practiced it, just thought it would be said on a whim and it pays off because she's pulling hands over her mouth and nodding her head and then dragging him up to his feet so she can kiss him.

She tastes like appetisers and champagne. She tastes expensive basically and for a second, Robert looks out towards the night sky, watches it become decorated with pink fireworks and then he's thinking about his father.

He'd be proud, he thinks, because despite not being a farmer like the ridiculously boring other son, he was making something of himself finally.

He is hardly a disappointment anymore.

The thing is, Robert's convinced himself life is pretty fucking great now and it's mad.

Rebecca's managed to hug her sister and congratulate her and then talk about fancying a holiday in Crete to escape the January blues and Robert is thankful.

He thinks about giving her some money but then decides against it, watches her scowl at him as he pats through his blazer in search of some. She still manages to call him 'Roberto Sugden' before she goes though and Robert manages not to laugh at her dramatics.

So she isn't the problem, and neither is Lawrence who doesn't have enough of a problem with Robert to genuinely be annoyed by this engagement. He says something awkwardly average about Robert looking after his girl and Robert doesn't even bat a fucking eyelid.

There's one problem though, it's a niggling one, pressed so far back in his mind that it's hardly there at all.

He thinks about it as he sits down on his office chair and tries to think about a way out of the mess he's created himself. The mess no one knows about. Not Chrissie, not Rebecca or Lawrence, not even Vic.

Before he can do anything about it, someone's ringing him and he has to bite back irritation just before he says hello.

It's Vic and somehow she manages to make him settle and sit up at exactly the same time.

"Hey, I - haven't heard from you for ages." He says, gets in there first so that he doesn't feel even worse when she chastises him over something or other.

It turns out that it's over the lack of a New Years text and he has to roll his eyes as she bangs on about family, and having to keep everyone together despite their differences. It almost sounds rehearsed, like she's reading off a sheet of paper but then he's hearing a voice in the background, booming and loud and he knows it's Adam's. The twat just has this wild ability of rubbing Robert up the wrong way with his dopey laugh and lack of drive to do literally anything with his life apart from drink beer and hang off his sister.

"Yeah well, I've got lots to tell you about." He says, presses the phone further towards his ear before attempting to rummage through the drawers of the desk. He reaches as far as he can and then hears Vic ask him what he's actually talking about. He has to pretend he hasn't heard her for a few seconds as he pulls out a stack of letters addressed to him, addressed back to him and he sighs hard.

"How about I tell you in person?" Robert says, a hand pressing over the letters and then quickly pulling one open, staring hard at the divorce papers and then scrunching one up in his hand angrily. "I fancy a trip down memory lane."

Like a fucking hole in the head.

He gets lucky. Of course he does.

Chrissie is having a bad week, generally missing her psycho son and has this wild urge to go and see how he is getting on.

Of course she wants Robert to come along with her, bust she's in such a state that his promise of joining her out there in a few days seems to suffice.

"I just want him to know I still care." And Robert hates this part of her, it makes everything a lot harder suddenly but beneath the jewels and the diamonds and the shows, she has a heart and it's protective and loving.

"He does know." Robert says, he's watching her pack away her things as he stands by the door and thinks about telling her where he's going himself. He said it was a business trip up north and she just believed him blindly without even raising an eyebrow. He thought about doing the right thing, just telling her the truth but then she'd only want to know he couldn't wait until she was back so that they could visit his darling family together.

Because basically she hasn't got a clue and Robert likes to keep it that way.

"I promise I'll be there as soon as I can." He lies, because he can, because it's easy.

He's in his fanciest car, suitcase in the boot and wind running through his hair.

He feels likes he's got this covered, feels like he's going to leave the stupid village a new man somehow.

He'll be a free man. The thought makes him smirk and then he's not, then he's thinking about it all and he feels sick because he hadn't allowed himself to really get bogged down by the past and the mistakes he had made when he was young and dumb and convinced himself to live for the moment.

Robert sees the sign before he wants to.

Emmerdale bloody village.

It's dirtier, looks rugged and he hates it more than he can be.

But he drives through, because Vic is waiting for him and he needs to face the mess he made all those years ago head on. He can't run from it anymore, not now he's engaged, not now he's actually getting married.

The village is still a quaint little thing, void of any colour except for beige and the green plants which are scattered around the place and Robert wants to turn right round. He can feel people staring at the unfamiliar car and it's almost painfully embarrassing for all of them. The little busy bodies who have literally nothing else to do with their day apart from gossip about The Strange Blonde In The Silver Car.

He parks it up right outside Vic's and smiles as she opens the door to greet him. Her little cottage is just that, little, like everything else is and he suddenly misses the sound of traffic he's used to in London. He's fucking sick of knowing all about the birds tweeting in the trees already.

She squeezes his frame and he has to bend down so that she gets the majority of him. He has a hand on her back and rubs slowly, for a second or so he stays that way, just closing his eyes and holding her and then he feels like a prick for getting so sentimental about everything. But she smells like biscuits and lemonade and it doesn't take long for him to see his mother telling him to come inside for his tea and he hates himself.

"I can't actually believe your back." Victoria's got a hand on her hip, she's wearing this yellow cardigan and has a towel over her shoulder and she looks so much like a little wife it's scary. She's so young, should be dancing the night away not making her brother tea and biscuits upon his arrival.

Bless her, he thinks, only sees his mother as she smiles at him.

Robert just nods, digs a hand into his jean pocket and then shrugs his shoulders. It's suddenly hot and he can't cope with his leather jacket on anymore but he keeps it on all the same. "Yeah well, I said I had a lot to talk to you about."

He doesn't really. Vic knows he's been with Chrissie for nearly two years, she knows that they've done the whole going on holiday and not wanting to throttle each other test, she knows that Robert's involved with the business. All she needs to know is that he's finally popped the question. It's not that exciting but he'll make out it is. He can hadn't tell her the real reason why he's back can he?

Before Vic can say anything Adam is walking out and he's got his hands on her waist fucking shamelessly. He's like a grizzly bear who needs to be injected with something and Robert just stares at him, tries to stare him down and it works because Adam's suddenly pulling himself off of Vic and nodding his head at Robert.

"You alright mate?" Adam's asking and he's got a frown on his face the way he always does, as if he's making out as though he's genuinely concerned for Robert's wellbeing.

"Great." He says, he's not going to bother asking how Adam is, he really isn't so instead he's squinting, "Now I smell biscuits so ..." He watches Vic predictably grab his hand and pull him towards the cottage. "Adam you wouldn't mind?" He's saying, chucking Adam his keys and looking towards the boot.

The village idiot can carry his bags in.

The house is just as dainty, as god awful decor but Vic keeps blaming it on Betty despite her owning the house for nearly a year.

"So how comes darling Chrissie hasn't joined ya?" There's bite in Vic's voice and Robert let's it be there, he knows what she really thinks. She'd got drunk one night and rang him out of the blue, started banging on about her family being his family now and had obviously come to the conclusion that Chrissie had taken her brother from her. And it was ridiculous, considering the fact that it wasn't like that really.

It was Chrissie who wanted to see the famous Sugdens, it was Chrissie who wanted to go back to the village Robert was born in.

He just didn't want to bring her here. It was as if you were bringing a iPhone with you into a time machine and travelling back to the 1920's. It was like mixing oil with water. In short, it just didn't work.

"She's visiting Lachlan." Robert says.

"Is he the messed up kid?" Adam says and Robert just stares at him hard, doesn't even blink and then he's rolling his eyes.

"Yeah that's what we call him at home." Robert says dryly, enjoys the way he watches Adam squirm uncomfortably and fight the urge not to apologise. He does in the end and Vic fawns over him like she's grateful and it's ridiculous.

"So," Vic's got a hand on the side of her face and rests it there as Adam potters around the house loudly. "How long you staying here for?"

He genuinely doesn't know the answer. He wants to say days but who knows how difficult it's going to be.

"Not decided yet." He says, oozes confidence as he rests against the chair and then sips at the milky tea Vic has made for him. "I've still got to tell you why I'm actually here." He says with a smile and she is hanging on his every word. He's missed this, missed the way she used to look at him like he was something great.

He goes to speak and then the door is being slammed shut, for a second it startles him and then he's pulling a face as he smells farm and he's only thinking of one person.

"Blimey, he actually showed up then?"

It's Andy.

For a second, he can't turn around. It's stupid really but he's a boy again and Andy's that bit older than him and everything seems unfair in the world because he's being blamed for it all.

"Nice to see you too Andy." He smirks, turns his whole body around and greets him. He's got a beard now, a fully grown one and he's wearing his overalls.

"What did I say about you walking through here smelling like the wrong end of -"

Andy rips his eyes away from Robert and then winces at his sister's nagging. "Alright, alright." He says and then he's going up the stairs, away from sight and there's something heavy setting in Robert's chest already.

"Funny how you forgot to mention he lived here?"

"He doesn't." Vic says quickly and then frowns. "Well he does. Sometimes." She darts a look towards her brother and sighs, "Him and Katie are on a break."

And yeah, Robert can't help but smirk just a little because he refuses to buy into the whole Romeo and Juliet star crossed lovers shit that everyone else seemed to do.

"I'll alert the press." He says dryly before standing and feeling Vic hit his arm.

"You will not. And you won't tease him about it either okay? Just because you've got it made doesn't mean everyone else does."

And yeah, that prickles something in Robert's chest.

Andy's with his kids and he's doing the whole boring dad routine which Robert is sick to death of hearing about.

He's sent Chrissie a text, told her that it's all going well and that he hopes Lachlan is okay. He doesn't though, he's never felt so indifferent about kid ever in his life.

He's sitting on the sofa, watching the clouds move over the sky and he's long since abandoned his leather jacket which is hanging on the door.

"How about we go to the pub? I'm sure your darling public are bound to want to see ya." Vic says, pats at her brother's leg and he rolls his eyes. "I've spread the word."

"What Jimmy and Nicola and Bob and whoever he's decided to marry now." He says dryly and Adam laughs, full on cackles like he's having a fit or something.

Robert doesn't like how Adam sort of gets his humour sometimes, he prefers the vacant expression.

"Diane is in the pub." Vic says, and Robert knows he has to go now, knows that Vic won't just give up. "You can play darts with Adam." She says, scratches at her arm and Robert can't think of anything worse and it shows on his face apparently.

Adam's too much of a goof ball to take it seriously.

"I'll play n'all. Invite Aaron, make up the numbers and we can do best buds vs siblings." She's such an excitable thing and her words nearly get lost as she speaks but then Robert's latching on and he can't fucking let go.

"He might be busy." Adam's saying and then Vic says something and all he can hear is voices dancing on top of his mind and squeezing the life out of him.

"Robert?"

He must have missed her words because Vic looks all annoyed at him and Robert just stares at her.

"You remember Aaron right?" She's asking and Robert nods very slowly, watches her look towards Adam. "Him and Rob were as thick as thieves at one point." She frowns, looks awkward. "You know, before you left." She finishes, looks back at Robert.

"Didn't know that." Adam frowns, and it's painfully clear that Aaron has done his best job to forget him just as much as Robert has.

"Yeah well, we were just stupid kids back then." Robert blurts out, hastily, finds himself playing with his watch and gulping hard. "I haven't seen him for what? Nearly seven years."

Vic rolls her eyes. "Alright settle down." She teases, gets up to fix her hair or put some lipstick on or something and Robert stays where he is, waits until Adam is saying that Aaron's working and only then he's nodding.

Turns out that the pub is exactly the same as it was before. The only difference is Chas is behind the bar alongside Diane and Chairty.

"Blimey." Chas says, voice flat but she's itching to raise an eyebrow because it's clear that she's surprised by Robert's presence and he revels in the attention he gets. He soaks it in like some King.

"Nice to see you Chastity." Robert tilts his head and then turns to Adam and Vic, "Just their usual and a pint for me." He says and then he's looking at Diane and something warm spreads across his chest.

She's coming from around the bar and hugging him, calling him pet about five times before she's pulling away. She's saying that she's missed him and he tries to believe she has but it's hard. It's really hard considering the fact that they were like ships in the night. Diane was never really a replacement for his mum like she was for Andy and Vic. He'd missed the warmth and the love she offered, he'd been denied that as soon as he was packing his bags and leaving.

So he doesn't expect her to fake affection but when he looks at her, her eyes are filled with softness and she looks so pleased to see him and he falters for a second. There's a genuine smile on his face and it wants to stick around.

"God, how long are you here for then?" Diane's saying, eyes glued to Robert as Adam and Vic try and find somewhere to sit.

Robert shrugs, "Not that long." He hopes. "Just wanted to see you all." He looks up and Charity is staring at him, looks shocked by how well he's turned out, he reckons. "Never thought I'd see you slumming it behind a bar like this, times hit you hard?" He winces playfully and enjoys the way it makes Chas smirk but then she's hard again like she has to be mean to him.

He sort of knows why, something prickles through him and he knows why.

"Well, I'm waiting for my dashing prince to whisk me away. Mr. Money bags hasn't come knocking yet." She says, hand on her hip and a playful look on her face. "You must be waiting for one too."

Robert scoffs, "What a sugar daddy?"

"No. A daft rich little thing. Why else would you be here?" Charity asks, and Diane is staring at Robert like she is wondering the same thing.

He didn't want to tell them about the engagement until the mess was sorted out but he certainly doesn't want them all thinking he's travelled back for them to take pity on.

"To tell you all I already have one." Robert smirks out and Diane's eyes widen. "I don't think she'd appreciate you calling her that but -"

Charity frowns, suddenly disinterested but then Diane's even more animated and she's calling Vic over.

"So wait? You're - you're actually engaged?" Vic's blurting out, can't help herself as she speaks and waits for Robert to confirm it.

He feels all eyes on him and goes to open his mouth, then the door is being swung open and -

Aaron's standing there, older, taller, but with the same innocent look about him and Robert gulps hard.

"Yeah. It's true. I'm getting married." He says, admits and feels Vic crush him with a hug despite her not even liking Chrissie all that much.

And -

Robert doesn't miss the look on Aaron's face.

#don't ask me when it's going to be done because i have no clue #it's going to be a one shot though #robron fics #robron

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