#not to mention my history and malay teacher are shit and an absentee (respectively)

[trashydez]

its funny how i often say ill go back to the merlin fandom and continue running the fanblog but then instantly dip the next day lmfao

#personal #cw vent #vent #trigger warning #vent post #i havent gained any new interests and its annoying #all i know now is stress from knowing i have pt3 (basically a big exam for form 3’s as like a recap from form 1-3) #like bro kementerian wtf? why #we have barely been in school learning properly for two years and suddenly pt3??? #not to mention my history and malay teacher are shit and an absentee (respectively) #like damn all i know now is obsessing over my body #hating myself #my anger issues #and the pressure i put on MYSELF to get a good grade for pt3 even tho absolutely NO ONE expects or is pressuring me to do good at it #cuz my smartass brother (lovely person. absolutely no hate to him) is so smart and good at things and i want to make my parents happy cuz #and he got such a good grade for pt3 that i want to do that too #thats the least i can do with the amount of problems and hurt i cause them literally everyday #but i know i cant do good at it cuz i can barely even remember to do basic tasks or focus in class whether i try to or not #but the shame of failing freaks me out so much that i want to aim for it anyway #oh the urge to block everyone out of my life #oh the urge #tmi #its not fair my batch was the last batch to do upsr too (exam after year 1-6. basically the big exam before secondary school) #cuz afterwards was covid #so just #god im so frustrated and angry all the time #and also i got contact lenses cuz i was stupid enough to switch seats with someone and ended up in an incredibly inconvenient seat for my #blind ass who refuses to wear glasses cuz they look like shit on me #so now thats a thing too