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frogmanfae · 8 months

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Newsies as Things I Heard This Week Part 3

Race, who decided to fuck around and take an intro to med course: Boogers, man *solemn nodding*

Literally everyone else who was having a normal conversation 2 seconds ago: ...

Race: They have a purpose

Davey: What's on your dress?

Romeo: Are those corn dogs?

Jack: They're popsicles!

Katherine: No!! They're otters!! You're like the third person! They're two otters swimming next to each other and holding hands because otters holding hands is the cutest thing ever!

Romeo: Ohhh I see it now

Katherine: I would wear a dress with corn dogs on it though, that sounds pretty cool

I'm gonna drop out

Spot: What happened

Race: Change my name

Spot: What happened??

Race: Move to another state-

Spot: What happened???

Davey: He was talking to his english teacher while she was trying to grade and she asked him to shut up

Race: MY ENGLISH TEACHER

Spot: ooh... That's rough buddy

Jojo: Uh... I think it's red?

Buttons: Damn that's a big apple!

Jojo: I know it's like huge-

Buttons: What kind is it??

Buttons and Elmer: ...

Elmer: *bursts into laughter*

Buttons: *gasping for air* I mean... Are we talkin gala, pink lady, honey crisp...?

Albert: Do you ever want to just start some chaos for no reason?

Jojo: Oh! Uh... *laughing but the crying kind* I don't know...

Race: Absolutely-

Albert: Because right now I just wanna- I'm fighting an urge

Elmer: *out of nowhere, directed at no one, for no reason* itty bitty titty committee

Race: What? Literally what did you just say?

Davey, running on an hour of sleep, three monster energies, and the crippling anxiety that if he takes a break he will have failed his entire family: It's like thing that there where like... What is that?

Davey: Where all the words are the same? Oxymoron!

Race, who isn't an english scholar but is pretty sure that isn't right: ...no?

Davey: Wh- *realization* ... Alliteration. I meant allitera-

Race: DID YOU JUST MISTAKE ALLITERATION FOR OXYMORON-

Race: NO BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING OXY-MORON

Davey: SHUT UP

Crutchie: Were you on the marching band bus with the penis game last year?

Davey: THIS IS ANTISEMITISM AND HOMOPHOBIA AND- UH- fuck what see am I? I'm something else, for sure, right?

Race:.... An immigrant?

Davey: YEAH THIS IS ALSO XENOPHOBIA

Race: DID YOU JUST FORGET THAT YOU-

Davey: I SAID SHUT UP

Buttons: What?

Crutchie: The penis game

Buttons: No? Can I- I'm gonna need some elaboration

Crutchie: Okay so you say "penis" and you start really quiet and then the next person-

Buttons: Okay I understand. I need no more instruction, I know what to do now. I'm so glad I've been given the honor to bring this to Bus 1

Denton, addressing the marching band kids on expectations before they leave for their first away game of the season: Did I cover everything? Is everything said?

Medda: Language!

Denton, very obviously tired: Oh yes! Language. Only use the good words, not the bad ones. Like... Yay and... Yippee.. Oh darn... Holy smokes... Things like that...

Romeo: The trombone section shirt is going to say "I'm about to blow" and it's gonna have a trombone with a bomb

Henry: Why the bomb?

Romeo: So people think we're talking about explosions but actually... Cum

Henry: I mean the trumpet shirts say "I'm horny" so-

Romeo: RIGHT?! THAT'S WEIRD! If they can have that we can have this.

Elmer: Please don't quote me on that

Buttons: I'm quoting you on that

Elmer: Nooo...!

Denton: *chainsaw imitation in the middle of teaching class*

Davey and Spot: *autistic discussion about angler fish* (I wasn't able to write all of this down because deadass this conversation about angler fish lasted 20 minutes in the middle of my creative writing class instead of doing our work)

Elmer: *tricks his cat into thinking he has a treat when he, in fact, does not* Look he's looking at me like "you whore I knew you were lying"

Denton, teaching biology: This is called phagocytosis (fag-oh-sigh-toe-sis)

Davey and Race: *bombastic side eye*

Crutchie: *trying not to laugh*

Denton: It occurs when a phagocyte (fag-oh-sight) essentially, like- *eats* another piece of biological material in the body-

Davey and Race: *BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE*

Crutchie: *TRYING NOT TO LAUGH*

Medda, to her english class: Oh don't read that that's hetero

Les: you just use your tippies *talking about fingertips*

Davey: ... *trying so hard not to laugh*

Davey: I'm gonna touch you with my tippies

Race: *trying and failing not to laugh*

/after Les leaves/

Race: PLEASE GO UP TO JACK AND SAY THAT

Albert: *gets his heart broken by a guy* I'm straight now!

Henry: No!

Albert: I'm taking the rainbow heart pin off of my bag right now!!!

Race: I support you, I'm shopping for a straight pride pin to replace it

Elmer: Relationships are give and take, lately you've only been giving and he's only been taking you should really end that

Albert: thank you! A true friend

Race: here, here's an ally pin-

Albert: no I'm straight up homophobic after this

Race: oh shit

Crutchie: Damn okay look at you getting deep, freshman??

*long line to get in through a door*

Buttons: *opens a second door*

Denton: Oh there we go, second option. Always use plan b!

Jack: *snorts*

Davey: *side eye*

Race: *deep voice* get off my property

Race: You should keep that one in mind

Davey: I'm having a hard time seeing what I could use Plan B for

Jack: It's so weird to hear you using your straight guy voice

Race: *southern deep voice* oh yeah-

Davey: WHY ARE YOU SOUTHERN???

Race: *still in the voice* I was born in South Carolina

Jack: THAT DOESN'T COUNT

Race: *still in the voice* In another life I coulda been a cowboy

Buttons, about Oscar: Nah girl that is more than a bad day that's a bad YEAR-

Spot, sarcastically: It's governMENt not governWOMANt so sit down

Denton, teaching a band class: It's like your tongue is ever so slightly flicking the note-

Sarah, jokingly: :0

Davey, also a drummer: *trying (and failing) not to laugh* shut up

Spot, a drummer and therefore not a part of the tongue flicking thing: *starts laughing*

Specs: It's like we're a travelling truffle of elephants-

Romeo: Is that-

Specs: Yes that's the right term

Denton, about a halftime peice: No no it can't be that

The entire band: ah- pff- uh-

Denton: i's not funny anymore now it's just sad

Race: Alright I'm going to the bathroom so no funny conversations while I'm gone

*2 minutes later the book falls*

Race: Everyone point and laugh at her because her book is slowly falling off her desk

Davey: It's not that funny

Davey: *snorts*

Elmer: You have a cartoon character frown

Race:

Davey: shut up

Davey: What

Elmer: Like your frown is cartoony

Davey: I dropped ap chem

Jack: What?

Davey: I'm taking ceramics now

Jack: You-

Davey: I dropped chemistry for ceramics

Jack: You're so real for that

Albert: AH- You did not just L my jeans that are black!

Elmer: Okay but why would you have edibles if you could just have gummies

Jack, who has never actually done drugs of any kind in his life: I mean like drugs tho

Elmer: Okay but would you rather have a bowl of fruit gummies or like 3 edibles

Jack: But-

Elmer: Infinite fruit gummies or-

Buttons: We should give birds space suits and just send them up there

Davey: Huh?

Race: I'd get arrested if I was a politician

Buttons: See if they would fly without air

Davey: I feel like you aren't thinking any of this through

Romeo: Aren't the best politicians attested at some point? (/sarcastic)

#im back #back at it again #Newsies as things I've heard this week #newsies

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