#ocd+anxiety+chronic stress fucking sucks btw

[v-iv-rusty]

well. I feel slightly better now at least

#misc.txt #ocd+anxiety+chronic stress fucking sucks btw #gonna rant about it a bit #was literally in the middle of an Episode(tm) when I made the last post #currently watching that yt channel with the guy that makes fucked up sausages and somehow that's helping me take my mind off it #it's like. a little issue or question will pop up in the back of my mind #(for no real reason. or if something external triggers it) #and I try to ignore it but it gradually gets louder and louder #until I give in and start thinking about it constantly and it just gets um. completely consuming? #I will sit there and ruminate and google things for HOURS on end constantly feeling like I'm about to explode the whole time #just looking for answers my shit idiot brain will never be satisfied with #like #idk how you can mindlessly ruminate but that's what I do. just the same anxious thoughts over and over and that's all I can think abt #it doesn't go anywhere it's just thinking in circles #and then I'll get like. moments of clarity? where I realize 'wait I don't need to worry about this wtf' #but it's only for a second #(because things that make me feel better must be lies right? /s) #when it's really bad I lose my appetite and forget to eat/drink/do anything which makes me feel 10x worse obviously #and the fact that I feel physically bad doesn't register as hunger for some reason? I end up taking it as 'SEE the anxiety is right' #this probably doesn't make much sense without full context but whatever. anyway #talked to someone and I feel a lot better. trying hard to ignore the 'issue' and tell myself not to worry abt it but it's really hard to do #hopefully I don't have literal nightmares about the obsessions tonight because that's uh. a thing that's been happening lately