#ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since

[daz4i]

a bit insane to know there's people out there who think i'm hot shit tbh. you know i'm a pathetic cringefail loser who literally can't do anything, right?? please raise your standards 😔💔

#had a meeting with my mentor/guide/man i really gotta figure out some english word for her today #and basically unprompted she brought up that like. she thinks i'm amazing for having goals and working to get them #which i was honestly baffled by bc. i don't do anything 👍 #my past self sets shit up for me to regret later bc i hate doing stuff. that's it #never heard anyone describe me as ambitious but in her eyes that's like a defining trait of mine #i'm highkey worried i'm gonna disappoint her 😭 and. everyone else. #my method is usually to do the bare minimum so no one develops any expectations #and that way they're always surprised when i do more #unfortunately this plan falls flat bc for some reason ppl keep having expectations of me #not ill intentioned ones. idk if that's the words. ig they're more like hopes? #like they hope i'll do more they hope i'll be better. not for themselves but for me #and then that inevitable disappointment hurts in a different way bc you know it comes from genuine love #i can't even be mad in that case 😭 like what are their expectations of me. for me to be happy?? #(honestly in that case i AM angry you should def drop that that's literally impossible 👍) #ok now i'm rambling. sorry. ig this conversation fucked me up a bit bc i've been real stressed since #vent #kinda??????? #ask to tag