#one of which is downtown despite there being numerous standing locations nearby that I've always gone to lol

[vtforpedro]

health update - procedure TW

my head is in 'on' mode right now and I've been really emotionally upset so it's been a super shitty couple of weeks. but the fact that I have less severe weeks here and there is still a sign of progress!! I am speaking it into existence!! I've had the gastro problems for a long while now but I really hoped when they went away for months (before my diet change) that they'd stay gone, but they're almost worse now. a lot of pain/bloating/discomfort and all that anyway, endoscopy and colonoscopy on thursday. getting extremely worried about it as per usual and I'm afraid I'll be wide awake like I was for the bone marrow biopsy. everyone is like 'you're gonna be asleep or not remember it' which is what they told me with the BM biopsy and yeah that wasn't true!! I do not want to be conscious with a tube down my throat and into my stomach and remember it forever. like I don't need more medical trauma and it already makes me want to cry lol no one has really explained it which leaves me to googling which leaves me to panicking lmao so I'm gonna call tomorrow and ask about what it's going to be like, what I can do to make it easier, what they can do to make it easier etc etc. maybe I'll feel slightly better going in but idk. all I can think about is the worst of the worst. she did tell me it should only be 45 minutes so we will see gonna be eating low fiber tomorrow, then wednesday is gonna be fun with no solid food at all. and I will be on the toilet all night after. at least the procedure is earlyish on thursday but I am concerned how this is going to screw with my head. stress, movement, straining, and lying down flat or on my side builds an immense amount of pressure so yeah... I'm scared. and it's really hard to convince doctors I have IIH because I'm not officially diagnosed but we are TREATING it like IIH. they never take me seriously, as per usual, and it's something that causes me such agony but I don't know how to get them to take me seriously still I hope it goes well and I hope I can give some good news on thursday. if you can spare any well wishes, I'd really appreciate it. love you all

#personal #medical #i'm so tired of this stupid body of mine #i want to give up and stop going to doctors #i need to not be in a medical facility for a while but my entire july is filled with doctor appts and lab work and ultrasounds #one of which is downtown despite there being numerous standing locations nearby that I've always gone to lol #but no my ten minute thyroid us HAS to be done in the fucking hospital downtown now #HNNNNNNN