#ooohohoogoho why can’t I just talk to peopleeeeee why is is contact so close yet so far awayyyy

[peapod20001]

Ooooohh godd.

#vent #hep me </3 I feel sooooo uhh. negative. uhm #I’m having difficulty feeling rn I did smth to trigger this I think #see. I know I’m not fully there cus my sister is being silly and cute but I’m kinda. putting on a smile #instead of it being my natural reaction. mmm. #ooohohoogoho why can’t I just talk to peopleeeeee why is is contact so close yet so far awayyyy #ghhuuugg. I’ll just. finish my drawing and post it. bury this. get ignored. yadda yadda #I don’t like making ppl feel sorry for me but see also. I have less than 4 years experience holding relationships this close. so I am uhhh. #very bad. at starting and holding conversations. continually checking in. making myself be someone ppl wanna keep around. yknow #siigghhhh uhhh. realized that the reason I’m so good at creating a bunch of fleshed out ocs that can pass as real people is cus I want ppl #to be around me. and to uh. stick around for more than a year. and be genuine. and easy to read. and understand #yea. also they’re to help me understand ppl cus I don’t got enough experience with real people to understand how to people #it’s much easier to play out a conversation between characters. and know they’re inner dialogues. and their history. and why they’re speakin #the way they are. and I can replay it over and over until I understand it inside and out. and hope I’m able to play the part I need when #it’s called upon. mhhhmmm. woaoowwww we’re going into the own mind tonight huh? will anyone read this far? lol. idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #the only thing that gives me any idea of who has read a post is if they like it. or if they come in my inbox like ‘:( sorry. condolences’ ha #haho. preemptive thanks and hugs y kisses love u. mmm it’s so hot outside but I’m sooo literally cold rn yknow how it is boys #ahh. love seeing people get along with others sooo much. gives me so many ideas on how to write my characters. being lovey on each other. #ahmm. yea. soo. let’s hope tomorrow I’m better and less. like this haha woaoowww wish I knew how to be human #I will NOT be crying tonight. or maybe I will. idk. we’ll see I suppose. tears have already been shed today so I guess anything is possible