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agent-barnes40 · 4 years

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Watching The Empire Strikes back

The old sounding theme

Didn’t Mark Hamill get into an accident before filming this one?

What is up with the Dalek looking probes?

Mark Hamill looks so young.

He sounds so young.

Bruh, Luke wtf?

Y’all I fucking see it! I paused it at 4:27 and for a moment thought that Han was being played by Adam Driver. I definitely see the resemblance now.

Rip Chewie’s original actor

Wheretf is Leia?

There she is.

SPACE MOM LOOKS SO YOUNG

Rip Carrie Fisher while we’re here

Damn, Carrie talks so quietly during this scene.

Damn, Leia’s sass is amazing.

Leia hiding her feelings. Are we positive that Leia wouldn’t be an awesome Gen-Z?

Everyone walking in-between Leia and Han as they fight, iconic!

The angry “YOU COULD USE A GOOD KISS!” Sounds so much like Ben/Kylo. It’s nuts.

Above scene is at 6:27.

3P0! R2!

“OH SWITCH OFF!”

Han looks feral, that’s all I’m saying.

Han’s concern for Luke and Leia warms my heart.

“Between ourselves, I think Master Luke is in conciderable danger.”

“That’s right. My friends right out in it.”

Han, admit it, you’re attached to Luke.

“Then I’ll see you in hell.”

Damn Han.

Ya’ll I forgot that most of the “cgi” was stop motion in these first three.

The old force theme.

Rancor? Thingy is cool.

R2 willing to freeze for his Skywalker master makes me want to cry.

R2 DONT SOUND SAD!

Are we close to shoving Luke into a tauntaun yet?

The rebellion people being concerned for Leia’s worry over Luke and Han while C3P0 just walks up.

Leia closing the doors to the base and Chewie looks so sad.

I’m legit about to cry. They mimicked Chewies cry from this to put into TROS when they tell Poe, Finn and Chewie that Leia’s dead.

Shelby is joining me in my watch of Star Wars.

We’re shoving Luke into a tauntaun now!

Obi-Wan absolutely dissing Qui-Gon.

Glad to know the Tauntaun died of the cold,

Han wielding the lightsaber!

They’re so happy to have found Luke and Han

The bacta tank

Luke is like, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHILE I WAS ABOUT TO GET EATEN!?

The iconic Laserbrain scene.

Chewie laughing and Han looks so betrayed.

NERF HERDER!

Have I mentioned I love Leia?

The sad look on Han’s face when Leia calls him scruffy.

Luke’s like PLEASE DONT GET ME IN THIS!

I forgot Luke and Leia kiss!

3P0 casually mentioning that it isn’t a rebellion signal

Oop, here comes Anakin “So, do you like my plan?” Vader Skywalker.

The Falcon absolutely wreaking Han.

Han and Luke silently communicating.

Vader’s egg.

Vader casually killing someone while talking.

Have I mentioned I love Leia?

The stop motion is amazing.

THE AT-AT!

3P0 casually reminding R2 to be safe.

Luke trying to save his friend

Han running back for Leia.

Han catching 3P0.

Anthony Daniel’s autotune.

The very old sounding theme.

Luke gets his dumbass traits from Anakin.

Carries scream.

Where in the hell is the scene where 3P0 rips the warning on a door?

R2 being worried about Luke.

“Take Evasive action!” Almost dies.

The scene where Han is on the pole and his ass is on display, thank god Harrison Ford got paid for that.

Leia trying to fly falcon shows that she’s a Skywalker and has that natural ability to fly.

Had to switch over to my computer.

“Never tell me the odds!”

Oof, Dagobah.

Here comes the green dwarf who drinks coke every day.

Luke’s X-wing.

R2 falling into the water

R2 scream

Yoda should show up soon.

Vader’s egg.

Anakin’s crusty head.

Han catching Leia

Leia getting pissed

Han flirting

Here comes Yoda, the coke drinker.

Yoda’s so damn high. I’m meaning weed type of high

R2 getting beat by Yoda.

You know for a fact Yoda was beating R2 because he remembers Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker’s way too damn modified Astromech.

How the fuck is Frank Oz still alive?

3P0 wants his husband.

Oop, here comes the kiss scene with Han and Leia.

Han calling Leia by her first name for the first time.

“Scoundrel?”

“I happen to like nice men.”

Finally!

Fucking 3P0!

Han looks so vulnerable.

Oop Palpatine.

Vader’s egg.

Ian McDiarmid has been playing Palpatine since 1980.

Anakin learning that Luke Skywalker is his son and having to pick between killing him and wanting to finish raising Luke. It’s quite sad actually.

R2 getting drenched scares me.

Luke hiding his distaste for Yoda’s food.

Yoda and Obi-Wan talking.

I’m gonna be honest, I hate Yoda. He’s an old man who is doesn’t want change until literally episode 8. He may have taught Luke something but Luke had to learn the way of the force by himself.

Also, Yoda scares me.

Have I mentioned that I love Leia?

“I have a bad feeling about this.”

C3P0 yelling at the Mynock.

Leia faceplanting into the Falcon.

“I am not a committee!”

I don’t like the Luke/Yoda training scene.

The only thing that I believe that Yoda taught look was to absolutely fear his connection with the force.

The whole under the tree Luke/Vader “fight” was to allude to “hey, Vader is this Anakin guy we keep talking about.”

Is that Boba I see?

The light speed fail x2.

“Shut up!”

I don’t like this Luke/Yoda training scene either.

“No! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

Unpopular opinion: Palpatine should’ve killed Yoda.

The soft flute force theme.

Bruh, I forgot Han landed the Falcon on Vader’s ship.

Leia turning 3P0 off.

“He’s a card player, gambler, scoundrel. You’d like him.

“Thanks.”

You can see Anthony Daniels or his stand in breathing in the 3P0 outfit.

Boba following them.

Again, I hate each and every single Yoda/Luke training scene.

“Han. Leia!”

Yoda constantly belittling Luke’s compassion for his friends that he sees as his family. This is why I don’t like Yoda.

The landing on cloud city.

I forgot how much Cloud city looks like Corucant.

Lando Calrissian

Han pointing to himself, *me?*

Lando Calrissian.

“What have you done to my ship?”

“Your ship? Hey, remember, you lost her to me fair and square.”

They are literal children and I love it.

Lando immediately flirting.

Also, what the fuck was George Lucas thinking on letting 5ft something men get chest to chest with Carrie and try to intimidate her with their height whilst trying to flirt with her?

Wtf was he thinking! Carrie Fisher is 4ft something and I feel bad for her.

“She’s the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.”

Chewie going to look for C3P0.

The soft force theme.

The force theme turning to the imperial march.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, you let 12-year old Ahsoka Tano on a battlefield with Anakin fucking Skywalker, the man who stared General Grevious in the face and basically told him to fuck off, and you’re not letting Anakin’s literal son go save his sister and future brother in law! So shut the fuck up dead guy and let Luke save his friends.

Yoda can go die for all I care. I forgot how much of an asshole he is.

God, I fucking hate Yoda.

Leia’s Bespin outfit.

Leia worried over 3P0 is the sweetest thing. This shows just how great of a mom she’ll be.

“I don’t trust Lando.”

Have I said that I appreciate how pretty Harrison Ford is?

Yo! Mandalorian!

Also, chewie finding C3P0!

Leia covering her body when she realizes Lando is watching her is something I thought I’d never relate to but whelp, here we are.

Lando Calrissian is very creepy actually in how he treats Leia every chance he can get.

Han’s ready to punch him.

“Would you join me for a refreshment?”

“No!” I never realized how protective Chewie is of Leia until this scene. Chewbacca immediately is ready to rip Lando apart.

“Having a problem with your droid?”

Han immediately realizes how vulnerable Leia can get when C3P0 is involved and when people she’s intimidated by. Han drew away Lando’s attention on 3P0 to him.

Han drank his appreciating women juice.

Is Boba wearing a death watch thingy on his shoulder?

Leia looks so damn scared.

Han grabbing Leia’s hand tighter to protect her.

Chewie trying to work on C3P0.

The imperial march.

Han’s super pale. “I feel terrible.”

Leia’s vulnerable and even though Han’s hurting he jumps in to protect her and how angry Leia gets, that’s when everyone knows that Leia’s feeling and anger is her protection emotion.

Honestly, I’m ready to skip the rest of Lando’s scenes.

Carbonite.

Okay so when Vader tells the Troopers to put Han into the carbon freezer, Chewbacca attacks, if you notice, Vader just lets him. It’s not because, “hey let’s not anger the Wookiee more.” It’s because according to a scene in The Clone Wars animated TV show, Chewbacca saved Anakin’s padawan, Ahsoka. I like to think Vader was finally paying his debt to the Shriwook for saving Ahsoka.

Han calming down Chewie by telling him to look after Leia.

Han and Leia’s second kiss

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Leia looks so damn sad and scared.

Chewie literally pulling Leia into his body to try and lessen the pain she was in.

The fact that Luke doesn’t realize that it’s Han.

Luke slowly realizing that he didn’t see Han with Leia and Chewie.

The only lightsaber fight between Luke and a Vader that I remember.

I’m not gonna comment on Chewie chocking Lando.

That force jump.

The biggest plot twist in cinematic history, according to the Internet, is about to happen.

R2 getting electrocuted

R2 going to fix his husband.

Oop, Luke’s hands about to get cut off.

Mark Hamill’s scream.

“Luke, there is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”

“I’ll never join you!”

“If you only knew the power of the dark side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.”

“He told me enough. He told me you killed him.”

“No. I am your father.”

“No, no, that’s not true. That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

The iconic “Noooo.”

“Luke. You can destroy the emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. Come with me. It is the only way.”

Skywalker men are such idiots and always are so dramatic.

The poor film editor, having to make it look like Luke is falling and is just playing with the footage they got of Mark Hamill writhing around.

And here we see just how powerful Leia and Luke are.

“Leia. Hear me. Leia”

“Luke.”

Luke’s just swinging his legs.

Light speed fail x3

“Luke.”

“Father.”

“Come with me.”

“Ben. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Luke, it’s your destiny.”

Mark Hamill is such a talented actor

Welp, Anakin’s gonna kill everyone.

“May the Force be with you.”

Luke’s fake hand.

The chills I get during the ending music.

And that was The Empire Strikes Back. All in all a good classic.

#caitlyn watches #the empire strikes back

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twopointthreeninetoone · 7 years

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(I’ll warn you up front: This shit is long. Because I wrote it while I was watching it, all those many years ago. Also, although I grew up on the movies and love them to death, 1) this is still pretty irreverent, so if you’re a mega-Star Wars fan and want to read nothing but praise for the movies, uh, don’t read this; and 2) I don’t know the official names for a lot of the characters and ships and weapons and so on. So don’t send my nasty anon messages about how I spelled sarlaac wrong. Because I honestly don’t give a fuck how many a’s are in that bloody word. But yeah. We’ll start at the end. That’s a very good place to start.

Revenge Return of the Jedi (1983)

So, it’s been three years since The Empire Strikes Back. We imagine that Luke & Co. were knocking around the galaxy—Luke finishing his Jedi training, Leia undoubtedly trying to figure out a way to get her boyfriend back, and oh yeah, there’s that whole rebellion thing going on as well. Or maybe this takes places shortly after The Empire Strikes Back, with Luke & Co. stopping long enough for a cuppa before heading off to Jabba the Hut’s pad to rescue poor Han. In any case, here we are, and we’re at Jabba the Hut’s place, and some weird shit is about to go down (read: metal bikini).

It’s apparently a three-pronged attack—initially R2D2 and C3PO lead the first wave of attack, pouncing upon Jabba’s compound with the grace and ferocity of black jaguars. Or, they go there and are instantly given to Jabba by Luke as a sign of friendship. It should be noted that Luke (or Mark Hamill) looks wrecked by now…and he’s wearing black. The Fuck-Up Luke of the Past is no more, my friends. We now have a calmer, more Stable Jedi Luke, who wears black and talks in a monotone voice and drops his friends at the slightest chance of getting to be in with the cool Jabba the Hut. It’s just not cool, Luke.

After this scene, George Lucas injected a musical number for the special edition DVD. Because we needed it. We really did. It didn’t stop the story at all. It wasn’t weird. And I didn’t fast forward through it. Nope. Because it was necessary, damn it. A green alien dancer also gets eaten by a monster. It should be noted that Lucas put in a few more shots of the dancer, twenty-one years after the fact. What’s even more amazing is the fact that he doesn’t use CGI—oh no, not him. He uses the same actress from the original movie, and what’s more amazing is that she looks the same. If I hadn’t known all this, I would have thought it was old footage. I just have to hope and pray that I look like her when I’m forty or fifty.

Second phase of the attack: Chewbacca and a strange alien bounty hunter guy stop by and the bounty hunter sells Chewbacca to Jabba. You notice a pattern starting here. Jabba thinks this is all pretty cool. What he would do with Chewbacca, I really don’t know; although one imagines those Wookiee-skin rugs on the walls don’t bode well for him. Either that, or…metal bikini. Oh, and all this time you can see poor Han in his carbonite slab, a very interesting (if mean-spirited) wall decoration for Jabba’s lair. I can imagine Jabba showing his partygoers around. “…And this is Han Solo, a bounty hunter who crossed me way back when, so I had him encased in carbonite. Would you like some punch?” The Strange Alien Bounty Hunter gets to stick around, I guess. They don’t much care what he does now. It’s a bit like the Kennedy compound in that respect.

That night the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter sneaks through Jabba’s dance room. It sneaks around sneakily, and satisfactorily knocks over a lamp, runs into some wind chimes, steps on a cat, triggers an alarm, trips on another cat, steps on a rake, breaks a window, starts a fire, gets the dog barking, sets fire to a cat, and sneezes. It’s still able to reach Han Solo and free him from the carbonite (in one of those cool eighties graphics like the kind you see in Ghostbusters and Labyrinth). When he hits the ground, it sounds like a freighter was dropped off the Empire State Building. That’s probably what woke Jabba up, but we’ll never know. In any case, hey, Han is blind. Can’t see a thing, and his hair is slicked back in that eighties manner. And he’s really cold, poor guy. So he can’t see the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter take him into its arms and cuddle him. This was the first Star Wars movie I saw, and I distinctly remember thinking that was really, really weird. As the Strange Alien Bounty Hunter soothes him, Han asks, “Who are you?” The Strange Alien Bounty Hunter takes off its helmet to reveal that it is actually—Martin Landau! Actually, it’s Leia. “Someone who loves you,” she tells him. “Calista?” he asks. It’s not. It’s Leia. They kiss. It’s sweet. There’s laughing. It’s Jabba the Hut and his entire Crazy dance party. They were waiting in the shadows the whole time. Jabba’s Crazy Dance Party is actually a lot like those high-profile cocaine parties from the eighties. I think George Lucas was trying to say something.

Han tries to bargain with Jabba—and sounds like a used-car dealer in the process—but it’s no use. He’s chucked into prison while Jabba takes Leia and…well…metal bikini. It’s interesting to note that the metal bikini has become the fuel to the fire of countless fanboys’ fantasies. I guess it’s a boy thing. It doesn’t look comfortable at all, Carrie Fisher looks mortified, and the whole idea of being a sex slave to a huge slug shows that George Lucas was one sick motherfucker. He really is. Freudians will analyze this trilogy and officially announce that George Lucas probably should have been locked up long ago (preferably before he made the Star Wars prequels).

In the last wave of the attack, everybody stupidly decides to go banco on Luke Skywalker. Because if the past two movies have taught us anything, it’s that Luke Skywalker gets things done, damn it. He comes in, says a lot of things in a sage-like manner, and is ultimately thrown into the cage of that big monster that ate the Alien Dancing Girl. This scene is really sad, because a hog-like guard is thrown in as well, and as he tries desperately to crawl up the walls of the cave, the big monster picks him up and eats him as he squeals like the hog creature that he is. George Lucas, you are a sick bastard. In any case, Luke gets out of it with his Jedi Skillz, and as a reward for his obvious prowess, Jabba sends him, Han, and Chewie into the Living Pit Thing (a pit with a thing that eats other things).

Before this, Han and Luke have a funny exchange:

Luke: You’re not missing much. I used to live here, you know.

Han: You’re going to die here, you know. Convenient.

Han says shit like this the entire time. I love him. So a lot of things happen at the Living Pit Thing. Because that’s the kind of happening place it is. Luke has a Master Plan and gets them all out of trouble, but not before Lando Calrissian (who was there as well) almost gets eaten by the monster. When I saw this for the first time, I was very worried about Lando, despite the fact that I had no idea who he was. My thoughts were more or less, “Won’t someone please help that poor black man! He’s the only black man in the galaxy!” And it was true. During the whole big fracas, Leia (still a sex slave in a metal bikini) strangles Jabba with her chains. Typical sex slave/pimp-related murder. George, I said it once and I’ll say it again—you are one sick son of a bitch.

So after everyone is saved, Luke goes to finish his training with Yoda, and I guess the others just fuck around the galaxy a little more. Yoda dies. Why does one of the most beloved characters in the trilogy die? I can only guess it’s because Lucas is a sick man, hates all that is good in the world, and didn’t want to pay Frank Oz any more than he had to. The thing is, Yoda looks kind of funny before he dies. His eyes are kind of crossed, and his ears are bent, and damn it if he’s making any sense to me. Kind of like Ronald Reagan, I guess. Yep, I went there.

Obi-Wan Kenobe doesn’t know when he’s licked, and his spirit won’t go away. Luke doesn’t let the fact that Obi’s dead stop him from bothering him with questions. Yoda does mention that “there is another” right before he dies. Another? Wasn’t the Darth-Vader-Is-Luke’s-Father thing big enough? And, hey, it turns out to be Leia! What kind of galaxy is this, where everyone turns out to be related to one another? Is this galaxy located in the Deep South part of the universe? Luke is shocked, shocked to learn not only that Leia is his sister, but also that: 1) he kissed—and probably had romantic feelings for—his sister, and 2) he saw his sister in a metal bikini. George, you sick fuck…

Hey, guess what! Remember when we thought that the Death Star had exploded to teeny tiny bits and would never ever be a threat, ever again? Well we were wrong! Because it’s back! And they have to blow it up real good again! Han, Luke, & Co. resolve to destroy it, and while they’re at it, they should probably just destroy the Empire while they’re at it. Because, you know, it’s getting to be a nuisance. They go to the forest moon of Endor, where the power station of the Death Star’s force field is located, while everyone else (including Lando, who gets to fly in the Millenium Falcon) waits in space so they can blow up the Death Star II and all the other Imperial fleets. Han’s a greater person than I am; I won’t let anyone drive my PT Cruiser to the grocery store. Just goes to show you how much he’s matured (and how immature and insecure I am).

Carrie Fisher has a cigarette-laden voice. Just wanted to point that out. And Harrison Ford is still hot (even if he does just seem to be here for laughs).

Cool Endor hover-bike chase scene! The price of admission is worth it. I’d recreate this scene whenever I was biking through the forest when I was younger. And the part where Leia wrecks her hover-bike and is thrown to the ground? That scene was recreated a lot. I never found myself approached by Ewoks though. More like rabid raccoons. In any case, Luke succeeds in losing his sister and wrecking his own bike. My own sister was like him in that respect.

Another funny line—just after Luke & Co. realize that Leia is missing, R2D2 beeps a bit and C3PO says to him, “And you said it was pretty here.”

Ewoks. Ewoks are funny little things. I’m thinking that Lucas put them in the movie just to appease the li’l kiddies (the metal bikini probably placed a lot of odd, uncomfortable questions in their fragile little minds). Twenty years later, a good deal of these li’l kiddies will loathe those little teddy bear creatures with a passion. I don’t care about them one way or another—they’re all right and they move the story along. I remember knowing of them, and liking them, as a little kid—about six years before I’d even seen the movie. Insane. The Ewoks are somehow able to capture Han & Co. How they’re able to do this, I have no idea. They might be smarter than you think. And, they have spears. Funnily enough, they accept C3PO as their god. No kidding. Methinks they would have accepted the McDonald’s Golden Arch as their god if the situation had presented itself. They take them all back to their tree-top living arrangement, with C3PO enthroned, and everyone else (even poor R2D2) tied up to be roasted over flames, slowly. These li’l guys are the cutest. And hey, there’s Leia! She’s up there in the Tree Top Compound as well! She looks like a hippie folk singer! Luke is a fucking tool, to the point where I actually kind of miss the whiny Luke of the Past. They’re saved when Luke uses his Skillz to make everything all right. Why he didn’t fucking do this in the first place, I have no idea. Luke and Leia manage to have a heart-to-heart, wherein Luke tells her that she’s his sister and, uh, Darth Vader is their dad. Leia is shocked, shocked not only by this, but also by the realization that: 1) she kissed (and probably had romantic feelings for) her brother, 2) her father tried to kill her numerous times, 3) her father destroyed her entire home planet, 4) her father froze her boyfriend in carbonite, and 5) her brother saw her in a metal bikini. Tough times. Han’s confused by the fact that everyone looks really shocked, but no one will tell him anything. Welcome to my world, buddy. He thinks Luke and Leia are in love. Dude, you don’t want to know what you’ve gotten yourself into.

Luke surrenders himself to Darth Vader (that sounded dirty) thinking that Darth would show some compassion for the first time in, oh, six years. He’s wrong. His punk ass gets owned by Darth, who takes him to the Emperor. Luke doesn’t want to give up the hope that his dad might actually be a nice guy, and will let him by, just this once. Kid, I’ve had the same problem with just about a million teachers. It won’t work. Your ass is toast. Although I will admit, I was never given the chance to fight-to-the-death with any of my teachers. Unfortunately.

More stuff happens. For the rest of the movie, Han & Co. try to get into that power station and turn off the force field of the Death Star II. Ewoks are involved. It is both cute and sad, as little Ewok soldiers lay down their lives for a cause that I’m fairly sure none of them have ever heard about until now, or can never ever really comprehend, no less. Imagine going into the woods outside your house, gathering up all the squirrels in the forest, and explaining to them that we’re at war right now, and would really like their help in fighting, because you see we have all these intergalactic congresses and councils and things went to hell and an Empire sprang up, etc. They’ll be sure to help you out.

Luke meets the Emperor. It doesn’t go well. Darth Vader refers to Luke as “my son” a bit too much in front of the boss. Luke, Darth, and the Emperor spend the rest of the movie in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse, as Luke realizes that if he doesn’t fight Vader, then his friends will die and the rebellion will be crushed, but if he gives into his anger, then the Dark Side will win. It’s a bit of a pickle. And, Lando and the rest of the Rebels pick a dogfight against the Empire’s big-ass ships. I mention this because some of John Williams’ best music in the trilogy comes from these scenes. Han & Co. continue to fight on Endor—first getting caught (“You rebel scum”, a Storm Trooper says when he catches them, which led me to believe for a very long time that all rebels were cool, until I learned about all that Civil War stuff. Some rebels really aren’t cool.) In the end, they’re saved by the Ewoks. See, aren’t you surprised that even though they seem small and powerless, they actually play a huge part in aiding the heroes of the movie? Doesn’t this make you feel a bit better about being short and weak? Those li’l guys are dangerous though. Never forget that. They viciously take out an entire battalion of Storm Troopers and their Evil Chicken-Like Tank Things. They could tear you apart, given the chance, and still seem adorable as your bloodied entrails are dangling from their fangs. R2D2 gets shot and explodes (poor thing). An Ewok dies on-screen. It is Sad. Hundreds of rebel fighters are killed when the Death Star II blows up their ships. It’s not as Sad. The only other black guy in the galaxy (an X-wing fighter pilot) dies. So does an Asian guy. It’s Weird.

At one point in the light saber duel, Darth Vader picks apart Luke’s mind and discovers that Leia is his daughter. He actually doesn’t seem too shocked at this, probably because: 1) he’s evil. I just wanted to mention this part (where Darth threatens to get Leia and Luke gets angry and fights him full-force) because the music in it is really cool. It’s probably my favorite part of the movie. Ironically enough, just when Han & Co. get things straight on Endor and turn off the force field, and Lando & Co. fly into the Death Star II and try to blow it up, the Emperor decides that Luke isn’t going to give in and proceeds to slowly torture and kill him, as Darth watches. Luke pleads for his father to help him, once again showing that he really hasn’t learned anything. You need to fight your own battles, son. You can’t go running off to Daddy whenever you need help. Vader shows that he really hasn’t learned anything about being a father by picking up the Emperor and tossing him down a very deep cavern, thus killing himself in the process. Before he dies he asks for Luke to take his mask off, so that he can look on his son “with my own eyes”. This is surprisingly sad, not least of all because this is the end of James Earl Jones’ cool Evil Darth Vader voice. He takes off the helmet to reveal—Humpty Dumpty! Yes, his dad has a face that looks like an egg. Darth Vader dies. Luke gets out of the Death Star II before Lando & Co. blows it up. Back on Endor, Han & Co. celebrate the destruction of the Death Star II (the explosion is pretty). He tells Leia that, when Luke comes back, “I won’t get in your way.” He’s so cute when he’s emotionally destroyed. Leia laughs at him and tells him that it’s not like that, that Luke’s not heavy, he’s her brother. Funny part: you can see that fact slowly register on Han’s face, and he grins and kisses her.

So there are several CGI-produced shots of various planets celebrating the end of the Empire, and then we go back to Endor, where everyone involved is partying with the Ewoks. The original sickeningly-sweet Ewok song of the original movie is gone on the DVD, replaced by a much-nicer instrumental. Luke decides to delay his partying so he can burn his dead dad on pyre (I hate parties too, Luke). Then he joins his friends and everybody hugs and dances and it’s cute. Luke looks out into the distance and sees—dear God—the spirits of Obi-Wan Kenobe, Yoda, and his Dad! The schizophrenia has finally set in! In the DVD version, we see not the original actor who played Egg-Faced-Dad Anakin Skywalker, but Hayden Christensen, who plays Anakin in the prequels. This is terrible. He’s considerably bigger than Obi-Wan, and he looks evil and displaced. In any case, Luke waves and runs off to join his friends. The last shot of the movie is of them all—Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, R2D2 and C3PO, Lando, and the Real Hero Han—sitting together and laughing and stuff. The Empire has been crushed, the Dark Side has been defeated, and one thing is for certain: everyone is going to need a lot of therapy.

[Photo is from ScreenFish]

#Star Wars #Return of the Jedi #Billy Dee Williams #Carrie Fisher #Richard Marquand

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