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caepaecaesurae · 6 years

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> Attempt Friendship, pt 2

LAST TIME: caepaecaesurae i'm sorry that part of you likes me. palteringcecutiency ...would you rather I didn't? Sunday at 10:43 AM

caepaecaesurae ...not really. but i knowv it's making life harder for you. Monday at 12:43 AM palteringcecutiency ...there's not a lot that doesn't, and I've accepted this is... something that is sticking around. Things are... better off, trying to be friends than... otherwise. caepaecaesurae ..for both of us. palteringcecutiency ...for both of us, yes. palteringcecutiency ...you do not have to answer, but. ...what does... friendship with me, garner for you? caepaecaesurae Aside from missing you? palteringcecutiency If... there is, anything. caepaecaesurae Evwery time I try to find the wvords, I fall dowvn a mountain of reasons bearing no relation to eachother. caepaecaesurae There is more peace among the clade if wve are capable of functioning peacefully. I wvould be frequently concerned for the man I once harmed if I had no ability to speak wvith him, or see if he wvas evwen remotely wvell. It's nice to havwe someone to share the crasser, grimmer jokes wvith, although that devwolvwes back to missing you. caepaecaesurae The part of my mind that is unfortunately paranoid of others is appeased if I can keep others wvithin cordial convwersation distance, hence my extremely long and unfortunate history of befriending those wvho make the least sense. palteringcecutiency ...it is not difficult to keep tabs on another through those who speak to both. I... did so, when you were... offline, recently. But... if you are determined, and... enjoy, me, I won't... try to convince you otherwise. palteringcecutiency ...there is a difference between surveillance and friendship, however. caepaecaesurae It is a comfort to see first hand proof that someone is not a threat, at times... but you are correct. Part of me misses you. palteringcecutiency ...what kind of proof, are you looking for? I... am not the most... skilled, at reassuring, and. If there is something specific that would help, I'd... like the knowledge, at the very least. caepaecaesurae Talking to you wvhen you're like this puts my pan at ease a bit. ..I don't knowv if it's more complicated than that. palteringcecutiency ...it seems so little for... so much. caepaecaesurae ..maybe, maybe not. really did miss you chief. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying, and I... do not think I... understand... how much. caepaecaesurae WVhen you got here, I knowv I should'vwe been thinking of Alternia. I should'vwe let that be at the front, I knowv wve both livwed that life unspeakably longer than the first, bu wvhat I sawv wvas Mituna being able to talk straight and sass people and it wvas a relief. palteringcecutiency ...I. Can understand that, somewhat. The feeling, in general, to have Beforus override sense. But... neither of those parties are ones I would... only call friends. ...none of them were... enough, to do so. I cannot figure out if the problem is you, or... me. caepaecaesurae i think the phrasing is getting careful enough that you're losin me a little. "only call friends"? palteringcecutiency ...pardon. I... do not want to accuse, only understand, and I'm... having difficulty reconciling this side with yours, and I... don't know what the problem is. ...the two... that have been successful, so far, are... were, quadrants. ...Kurloz and I are courting pale because we keep... being pale, without noticing, despite... everything else. Latula... it is going to be... interesting, when she reincarnates, I. Miss her dearly, painfully some nights, though I know it's... pointless. ...but I don't... get attached, easily, so I... don't know if you're excessive or I'm... cold. caepaecaesurae .. I don't knowv if you're cold but I'm definitely excessivwe. palteringcecutiency ...ah. That would be... it, then. > Caesurae spends three minutes consulting Kankri and Nadaya on whether it would be a good idea to hit enter, before ... caepaecaesurae ...also for wvhat it's wvorth you might care to remember that I had crushes on almost all of our friend group, on Beforus. ..that I frequently tried to act on, often simultaneously. You wveren't immune. Though it's faded out and no longer... a factor. palteringcecutiency ...you what palteringcecutiency I. I don't remember that at all?? I mean, I remember the part about you asking everyone out under the moon but. I thought that was out of desperation? Not. Not like. Are you /sure/. caepaecaesurae Just because I wvas bad at it doesn't mean there wveren't sincere feelings under there somewvhere. Evweryone wvas attractivwe, and I could see wvondrous possibilities in each of them. Aside from Horuss and Kur, towvards the end. palteringcecutiency ...but. Are you. Me?? Of all people, /me/?? The whole time?? ...oh god. The entire time. caepaecaesurae I wvas a real prize, I knowv. palteringcecutiency I. Fuck, I didn't. Notice? At all?? I mean, the, undercurrent part, obviously, I just... for how long?? And /why/? caepaecaesurae You're clevwer, wve havwe the same sense of humor (gods help us all), and teasing about the injury boards and mutations and my assorted, numerous failures all seemed to flowv vwery smoothly. You wvere a friend, I liked you. palteringcecutiency Fuck. palteringcecutiency I. Believe I need a moment. caepaecaesurae That's fair. caepaecaesurae ... I'm not entirely sure wvhy it's a surprise I had crushes on evweryone, but apparently that is a running theme. palteringcecutiency It's. More that it was on me of all people, than anything. I didn't think... I didn't have any reason to pry deeper. caepaecaesurae To be entirely blunt, wve wvere both little shits. caepaecaesurae I think the wvay wve got along fit wvell, at the time. Including you apparently not noticing. It's for the best. palteringcecutiency Well /yeah/, the theoretics make sense, and we definitely did, but... Mm. ...what. Makes you say that, specifically? caepaecaesurae If it had gone anywvhere, I wvould'vwe been just as much of a little shit, and then you'd havwe had to deal wvith my teen attempts to learn howv romance wvorks, wvhich are regrettable in general and I am glad that fewv here havwe any experience wvith that. And that wvould havwe led to evwen further complications here. palteringcecutiency Yes, because I was a thoroughly suave romantic myself, having figured out what to do with people who honestly liked me enough to date me at the ripe age of six. ...on your end or mine, because I'm rather sure it's a drop in the ocean at this point, compared to Kurloz and Her. caepaecaesurae You didn't do too poorly wvith Latula and Kur, chief caepaecaesurae I mean, complications from the other life aside palteringcecutiency You mean the moiraillegence that was ashen on my end half of the time, and the messy quagmire that left because neither of us knew what the shit was happening? Or the fact that I only started courting Latula because Kurloz literally placed me in front of her and left, and only continued because she thought my fumbled flustering was charming for god knows what reason? You should know by now that nothing with me is what it seems, after this long and this many times. caepaecaesurae WVell apparently I don't, so there. Nevwer underestimate my wvillingness to believwe the things you literally say to me. palteringcecutiency Well stop that. caepaecaesurae I don't think you can make me. palteringcecutiency Stubbornly clinging to a blatant weakness is a bit much even for you, Cro. caepaecaesurae You'd rather I trust my owvn judgement than that of others? That's a laugh. palteringcecutiency Over /mine/? I'd think /you/ would rather. caepaecaesurae But then I'm being insensitivwe and not listening to you. And making decisions for you wvithout accounting for your side. palteringcecutiency ...you'd gamble that I'm not abusing an easy button to avoid even the possibility of that. caepaecaesurae To be honest, if you wvere wvilling to be nefarious at me, I'd already be in ruins. I don't havwe much to lose by just believwing you and going by wvhatevwer you say. I don't see the downvside palteringcecutiency ...Cronus, I've been doing my damnedest since I've gotten here. caepaecaesurae You'vwe also mentioned more than once howv the fact other people care about both of us is a stumbling block palteringcecutiency To turn your paradise into hell the best I could, only you built it too well before I got here. caepaecaesurae ...wvhat havwe you tried to do? palteringcecutiency To be a thorn in your side, smear the dirt of your past all over for people to see, to tear people away from you, to turn them against you. Be a constant, fanged reminder that you're not the nice, harmless good highblood you convinced everyone of. ...none of it worked. caepaecaesurae ..I noticed the reminders. I did almost leavwe tumblr once. There's some wvho are more cautious around me than they wvould havwe been, and a fewv close to me wvho wvere not as friendly to the Alternian half of me wvhen I wvas split as I had hoped caepaecaesurae ... You're in your rights to complain about that sort of thing as openly as you care to. I don't think that counts as nefarious, no matter howv little I personally enjoy it wvhen it comes up. palteringcecutiency Goodness, really, let me just dig out my empty notebook of victories to jot this down, right next to the one time I got to someone before you did. caepaecaesurae .. I'm not going to fight you on this, either, Mituna. palteringcecutiency I'm not either, it doesn't matter. I've given up trying. The allies I have now are more than I expected after so long, enough to risk friendship at least, and I never was going to win no matter how hard I tried. There was just... a dream, I guess, of you being the powerless one this time around. Finally getting the upperhand on someone, get control of my life for once. Should've known better. caepaecaesurae WVould you actually feel better if you managed it? To stand, gloating, ovwer a defeated foe? caepaecaesurae You didn't like it on the roof of the castle. I'm not sure howv much you liked it, after asking Kur to showv me. palteringcecutiency That was /different/. That was me wanting to punch you and fucking up your pan instead! Any fun I got got immediately... fucked over, by that. caepaecaesurae I'm not strong enough to stand against you, Mituna. That's the other reason it's for the best that crush nevwer wvent anywvhere. palteringcecutiency ...you keep saying all this, but I've watched you for a sweep, here. You've done just as well as you did on Alternia, better even, since you have more at your disposal to use against me. How are you talking as if losing is inevitable when you've already /won/? caepaecaesurae I'vwe made friends, Mituna. I've tried to livwe my life. But the instant someone raises their vwoice, especially if they are in my clade, I lose my mind and go sit in a corner. Hardly the most elegant of lifestyles. So I'vwe sought out peace, since it's all I knowv howv to handle. Spite has no place in my goals. Only learning howv to exist again. WVhen I talk about standing against you, I mean a physical conflict. I mean arguments. I mean direct clashes, not ephemeral shadowv-games. I'm not playing any shadowv games. ...I knowv you don't believwe that and I'm not sure wvhy I'm letting myself try to talk about it again. caepaecaesurae My "vwictory" is a life wvhere I don't get hurt. I hope that's not mutually exclusivwe wvith wvhatevwer vwictory condition you set for yourself. palteringcecutiency I... I don't... have, any. caepaecaesurae You may havwe an easier time reaching your goals, if you havwe some to reach Pick one. Start somewvhere. palteringcecutiency ...I barely remember how to be a troll, Cro. There's... not a lot within reach. Heh, you're doing bounds and leaps better than I am, if you ever need someone to compare yourself to and come out looking better. caepaecaesurae Perhaps it feels safer, to havwe your goals all focus on tearing dowvn others, than on constructing things of your owvn. ...I'm sure it wvas a necessity, and that the alternativwes are ancient and dusty, and I understand, and I don't blame you for it a bit. caepaecaesurae ..I'vwe had a head start, and far more luck. I rely on my quadrants to help lead and guide me. Sometimes my clade. ...They'vwe been helping. caepaecaesurae Evwen trying to find a goal, is a goal. palteringcecutiency ...mn. ...there's only so much anyone can do when the night's goal is 'accept having skin' and it's failed. The simple is out of reach, the beyond basic... I have been trying for... ages, in the bubbles, and I've gotten this far only to be stripped of what helped. It is. Remarkably difficult to be... hopeful, and positive, while drowning in failure. caepaecaesurae Could Sparks use technical skill or his access to the bubbles and his afterlife to arrange something that wvould help at all? caepaecaesurae ..I knowv it's hard. I'm sorry I alwvays make it sound like there's some solution hanging just out of reach. It feels like the opposite of givwng up, somehowv. palteringcecutiency ...he's offered to assist me in... garnering an electronic connection, but. There is a general consensus that I am not allowed to have one, and if I got one regardless, I'd be dragged out of the systems far sooner than later. palteringcecutiency It's just... frustrating, and I'm... tired, of trying constantly, of being told the fixes aren't allowed as they aren't 'healthy' enough. caepaecaesurae Maybe they'd be more open to some things, if they came wvith a scheduled, organized calendar of howv long you wvere intending to use each crutch to guide yourself forwvards. ..not that the timing wvould be easy to guess. caepaecaesurae I'm sorry people are havwing emotions about the solutions you seek. I'm sorry evwerything is this wvay, and I sincerely wvish it wvas easier for you. ..do any of your alternates havwe meaningful advwice about the early stages of a return to independance? palteringcecutiency ...each case is different. One still refers to himself as a machine, rejecting trollhood. One tried to exist as a troll alone, but gave up mortality to get the connection back, missing it far too much. The third... we have not spoken on such matters yet. ...none of them wish to abandon their wetware permanently, and never have, so... they do not have advice on that for me. caepaecaesurae Far from a simple puzzle, though you knowv that already. caepaecaesurae WVould gaining the connection wvithout losing the body be a step forvward? WVould control of some robbotic drone, that you could use to navwigate the wvorld instead of the fleshier body? palteringcecutiency ...it is losing the body that I want. The connection is just... what makes that possible. caepaecaesurae ...WVould it be rude to keep asking details, to see if I can think of anything you havwen't? ..should I let it go? palteringcecutiency If you are... willing, to hear the answers, I... have no problem, giving them. It's... not pleasant, though. To warn you. caepaecaesurae Is it the sensory aspect of havwing a body, some sot of germ thing, or something else? palteringcecutiency I... abandoned my wetware, my body, for... centuries, to... because of Her. My pan expects steel and wire of a ship, it feels muscle and blood and signals something is wrong, desperately wrong, upsettingly wrong, and /focuses/ on it, so that even a slightest twitch of a muscle sounds like surround sound at max volume. ...not every night but... more often than not. Organics... have all sorts of awful reactions to stimuli, things that make no sense, things that hinder what should be easy, and I was free of all that, and now I am crammed into a fleshbag and forced to feel all of it again, and for what? For what purpose? What is so much better about being like this than being how I was? caepaecaesurae So.. if something could make all of the organic body senses into an electronic readout like you're used to dealing wvith, that might help? WVhile still keeping you awvay from depersonalizing yourself, like they're afraid of? palteringcecutiency The... distance, too. Filters, I suppose? I... do not /need/ this data, I know I'm in a fleshbag, I know I am using its muscles, I /made that decision/. But it won't shut up and stop being so /wrong/, and I can't edit filters like this, and I can't /escape/ to anywhere and I just- It's /maddening/. caepaecaesurae The control to be able to adjust wvhich information you are receivwing? caepaecaesurae Sparks' afterlife ovwerlaps heavwily wvith the realm of dreams. You may consider asking if he can wvake you up, and allowv you the chance to escape wvhen asleep, if that is a middleground that wvould help. You cannot sleep all the time, but you must sleep often enough that perhaps it could be of use palteringcecutiency ...when I sleep, I dream of )(er. I use a 'coon, unless I am with... trusted trolls. caepaecaesurae WVhen I slept, I dreamt of Arlequin's men. ..until Sparks movwed my dreamer to a stabilized castle wvhere nightmares do not dwvell. palteringcecutiency ...then, it is... successful, at that, at least. That's... good, for you as well. ...the, mutability of the bubbles was... favorable, letting things shift as I needed them or didn't, but... with life everything is... permanent, choices must be made and lived with. But with mutability comes... )(er. Do... you think, something... between, is even possible? caepaecaesurae I'm sure he'd givwe you your owvn stabilized realm outside the castle if you wvished privwacy and distance along wvith your peace. As wvell, I'm sure you could wvork out some kind of wvay to allowv...disrete, controlled episodes of mutability. caepaecaesurae Evwen an on-off swvitch may do it. palteringcecutiency I. Still have to ask. I don't... know, if anyone will... object. It seems... too close, to what they do not like. caepaecaesurae At the vwery least, ask about the dream castle. You could freely exit it wvhenevwer you wvished, if you sought mutability. And return, if you maintained control. caepaecaesurae I also suspect he wvould not mind seeking you out during nightmare to cause harm to your enemies. I believwe he's mentioned doing that for another, once or twvice. Dream vwisions may havwe no substance, but they can still be harmed by an outsider wvho is not under their spell. palteringcecutiency He'd. He'd 5ee. He'd kn0w. caepaecaesurae ... Sorry chief. Your call. I think he'd be glad to help you any wvay you let him do so, though. palteringcecutiency 5orry. 5. S. Sorry. I. I just. He doesn't need that, in his head. And you're. Right, he does want to help, enough to say yes when. He shouldn't. caepaecaesurae I think he'd be fine, but I'm a selfish old man wvho trusts him to knowv his limits. Maybe you're right. palteringcecutiency I once trusted that, but then he passed out and dropped from the sky and I found myself less inclined to. caepaecaesurae Granted he can be a bit exciteable. Tempted to make a contextless callout post telling him to take care of himself. palteringcecutiency Do it, the dash is on the topic anyway. caepaecaesurae WVhat a coincidence.

#ooc eyes only #palteringcecutiency #mental health/#helming/#Cae admits he had a crush on psii and it's hilarious

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methodicalauxilium · 6 years

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»~ Didn't you, just earlier, say that you don't like to kill people? ~>

»~ And you don't have to be pleasant to be likable ~>

#palteringcecutiency #pda

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stormpainter · 6 years

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💭💭 palteringcecutiency

..werent expecting this one, weren’t expecting much of anything honest though

hes real bad hurting and all spikey edges to try to make sure he aint get hurt more

he probably aint gonna like me cause me n cae were a thing. or if he found out what I’ve done. I wonder if he knows cause I’m not.. real private about that

#palteringcecutiency #Anonymous

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brackishbarracuda · 7 years

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> that is the saltiest non answer youd seen in a while

> ...you like this guy

#palteringcecutiency #]]

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immutablethroes · 7 years

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@palteringcecutiency reblogged your post:PHOTOS ARE GREAT BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE A TENDENCY TO...

I cannot guarantee a conversation will last any sort of length, but a hello in return, I suppose.

IT’S ALREADY QUALIFIED FOR “ANY SORT OF LENGTH”, SO I’LL OPTIMISTICALLY SUGGEST WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START, REGARDLESS OF YOUR UNCERTAINTIES.

MY NAME IS SIARRA, AND THOUGH I DON’T PREFER TO GO BY MY TITLES, I’M NOT OPPOSED TO BEING CALLED UPON BY MOST NICKNAMES OR URL.

#palteringcecutiency #reply #IC #WELCOME.

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twinaudacity · 7 years

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==> Ramble for nights

Last Monday at 4:18 AM

palteringcecutiency It is a result of my being a chimera one of a few. There are quite a few fickle connections in my pan and the ones governing sight are among them.

twinaudacity oh! okay 2o why are you playiing *bliind*

palteringcecutiency Because this has been a thing for my entire life both of them and it has never been a hindrance. I see through my psionics and my other senses. Most do not even realize this happens.

twinaudacity how do you u2e p2iioniic2 two 2ee?

palteringcecutiency I spread out the fields as far as they will go faint and undetectable to anyone without psionics themselves and even then. I can feel where things are how they are shaped down to fine details. If I am trying to read something I can send electrical charges through it and tell where things hitch at different rates indicating ink or graphite on the surface.The list goes on.

twinaudacity holy 2hiit ..ii2nt holdiing the fiield liike that for long periiod2 of tiime hard?

palteringcecutiency Not if you practice enough. c: It's second nature to me now has been since I was barely a wiggler.

twinaudacity that2 ju2t really really cool

palteringcecutiency c: I've been known to be on occasion.

twinaudacity ehehehe

palteringcecutiency I do admit I am remarkably curious to know if your ancestor had the same annoyance in his life. One would think he would tell a quadrant at the very least but I am unsure.

twinaudacity ii have no iidea, iit2 never been mentiioned iin any of the rambliing2 from eiither ampora

palteringcecutiency Very curious.

twinaudacity although ii know ed doe2nt thiink much of my attentiion 2pan ii thiink he would have brought iit up though

palteringcecutiency Does he think much of anything not relating to him? One would agree but it seems a rather big difference between us if he didn't.

twinaudacity ii thiink, iin partiicular e2peciially wiith u2 becau2e we're chiimera2, that the genetiic grab bag miight be more randomiized

twinaudacity becau2e liike um okay 2o half alt liike2 po2tiing piicture2 of hii2 junk and whatever riight? miine2 not liike hii2

twinaudacity 2o there are 2ome diifference2, whiich mean2 we've got tiimeliine2 that are parallel but not exactly the 2ame? ii gue22?

palteringcecutiency ...that would certainly explain a lot of things. If you are correct. And I do not doubt you but. Fuck if that isn't bizarre.

twinaudacity all ii know for 2ure ii2 that he need2 two 2top takiing diick piic2 and iit2 not what ii look liike pretty 2ure no one want2 more data than that

palteringcecutiency I. Am sure he's. Quite within his rights to take said. Pictures. But if I could ask a favor for this to not be. So central. To this topic. Please. Last Monday at 6:57 PM

twinaudacity oh yeah 2ure, of cour2e uh. 2o anyhow he miight not have been conditiionally bliind Last Monday at 10:06 PM

palteringcecutiency Thank you. I cannot say your timeline gets less bizarre when a new discovery is found to almost an impressive degree. Perhaps a touch reassuring but otherwise curious. Yesterday at 3:11 AM

twinaudacity 2orry ii got pulled away agaiin rea22uriing?

palteringcecutiency It's quite fine. Ah. Despite my best efforts it's been. Rather difficult to look at your timeline and not wonder if I did something wrong while looking for a split off point. But if your Psiioniic was not me the search is less. Pointed.

twinaudacity well ii mean liike. arent all P2iioniic2 you though?

palteringcecutiency In theory and in examination of the multiverse as a whole yes they are. But comparing us together on a personal level we are remarkably different for being so similar.

twinaudacity doe2 thii2 mean half alt ii2nt really me eiither?

palteringcecutiency No he is not and never has been. You two are remarkably similar for being alternates or half alternates in this case but you have never not been yourself and he himself. Alternates are not interchangeable no matter how close their timelines relate.

twinaudacity ii mean. ii diidnt really thiink he wa2 me "me" but liike, he could have been me?

palteringcecutiency He might have if all the variables were the same but in that case he would no longer be him he would be you wouldn't he?

twinaudacity ..ii gue22 2o

palteringcecutiency ...these sorts of things are tricky to think about. No one is prepared for the concept of alternates.

twinaudacity iit2 really a triip hone2tly

palteringcecutiency I am unsure anyone truly gets used to it. I certainly haven't.

twinaudacity iit doe2 make you 2ort of ii gue22 thiink about the thiing2 you do and diid when you can 2ee how iit miight have gone diifferent?

palteringcecutiency It does and unfortunately gives you another scale to compare yourself against. It comes with benefits of course but lord does it complicate everything as well.

twinaudacity a few of miine are liiteral god2 and rebel2 ii'm liike fuckiing. you know friiend2 wiith gz and ff? and ii have the company more or le22 only giiven two me becau2e a really old fii2h man ii2 ea2iily entertaiined

palteringcecutiency Perhaps your acquisition of it was lackluster but you have certainly used it to your advantage. A free for all for a genius to advance wherever he'd like. ...I do not measure up to many of my alternates either so I can sympathize with the feeling.

twinaudacity ii thiink you're great

palteringcecutiency And I think you are as well. c:

twinaudacity :D

palteringcecutiency Lord that much cheer is practically blinding.

twinaudacity iit2 ju2t an emote :p

palteringcecutiency Am I incorrect about what it represents?

twinaudacity me beiing deliighted?

palteringcecutiency That is what I had inferred yes.

twinaudacity :p :p

palteringcecutiency Pardon if this is unwanted but you are quite frankly adorable.

twinaudacity ii'm the cute2t, the magziine2 all thiink ii'm hot 2hiit and mourn the fact that ii'm mo2tly taken ;) who wiill be the lucky troll who 2tand2 between me and a bad piitch encounter! iit could be you ju2t look at thii2 hot grey 2tud a2h* you know what ii mean

palteringcecutiency Lord that sounds frustrating. I cannot imagine having my relationships or lack there of under a microscope. Or at least moreso than they already are by my brother. But at least that isn't a stranger.

twinaudacity ii'm not 2ure aa'2 goiing two put up wiith beiing bothered by pre22 over me much longer, e2peciially not cha2iing tv'2 taiilcoat2, 2o they'll probably have lot2 two 2ay about my pale quadrant 2oon two

palteringcecutiency I'm sorry to hear that.

twinaudacity we've been kiinda growiing apart for a whiile, iit happen2 2he2 a 'reaper roady and ii'm not that exciitiing

palteringcecutiency :c

twinaudacity hey no 2hh iit'll be okay, ii promii2e, ii'm not 2ure what two do but iit2 probably fiine yeah? 2he ju2t really love2 two watch the world burn and ii'm not a de2a2ter anymore

palteringcecutiency If she was only with you because of your personal chaos... that does not sound like a strong relationship to begin with. If it was deeper than that and you love her still why have you not discussed this with her?

twinaudacity ..becau2e 2he2 never around anymore. 2he wa2 alway2 re2tle22 two begiin wiith and ii woudlnt want two weiigh her down

palteringcecutiency This still remains something to discuss instead of something to weather. You might have assumed incorrectly or missed something vital.

twinaudacity ii miight have? but ii thiink iit ha2 more two do wiith me 2ettliing down and her 2eekiing her next adventure

palteringcecutiency Why are you so reluctant to speak to her on this?

twinaudacity becau2e ii'm pretty 2ure when we have that conver2atiion 2he2 goiing two confiirm 2he want2 two move on

palteringcecutiency And you would rather hold on to wisps of smoke than finish the separation?

twinaudacity ..ye2

palteringcecutiency Even if it means risking chasing her off by being silent and distant about your problems?

twinaudacity ):

palteringcecutiency There is a chance you are too focused on the worst that could happen and grasping at what you think you have left and missed something positive something you can fix.

twinaudacity that tiime when you dont know whether iit2 anxiiety or prophecy

palteringcecutiency Even if it was prophecy it does not mean that you must automatically lay down and take it.

twinaudacity ii'll thiink about iit, we 2hould probably talk anyhow

palteringcecutiency Good. c:

twinaudacity thank2 for talkiing two me, ii notiiced you werent on the da2h twoniight

palteringcecutiency Of course I enjoy speaking with you. c: ...ah. Yes. I have been avoiding posting. A friend of mine has been anonned into a younger version who will deal with my existence even worse than he does now. I'm... trying to save him from dealing with that. From being too curious for his own good.

twinaudacity ): ii'm 2orry two hear about your friiend, how doe2 uh 'anonniing' happen?

palteringcecutiency The anon function on the inbox allows some variety of magic to be weaved through it one that can do a great number of things to its targets. The downside to connecting to the multiverse I'm afraid. They are usually cruel creatures though I have heard tale of them being useful. I've never seen it but I suppose anything's possible.

twinaudacity they do what how the fuck doe2 that work

twinaudacity ii'm turniing off anon

palteringcecutiency I do not blame you. Mine is off as well. I've gotten two so far and both were absolutely miserable.

twinaudacity why would anyone let that happen?

palteringcecutiency Sometimes the results are fun. Sometimes one wishes to provide normal anonymity to people asking questions. ...sometimes one forgets it was open for the latter and was not closed afterwards.

twinaudacity that2 faiir forgettiing ii2 a cur2e

palteringcecutiency It is yes. When it is not a blessing.

twinaudacity ii feel liike that 2econd one happen2 le22 for me than you

palteringcecutiency ...I doubt that considerably. It is more. Wishful thinking.

twinaudacity ii'm 2orry two hear ..all the bad thiing2 are over riight? ii dont need two liike kiidnap you here or 2omethiing?

palteringcecutiency That is sweet of you to offer. c: But I am alright so far.

twinaudacity good iif you need a place ii have no iidea how two get you here but you can come here and liike buiild 2hiit wiith me iit'll be fun

palteringcecutiency I have access to transportalizers if it becomes necessary. And if it is a way back would probably not be needed. Either way the idea of building with you sounds delightful. c:

twinaudacity ..talk two me about tran2portaliizer2 what are tho2e?

palteringcecutiency They're a specific kind of teleportation device ones that connect to a network to prove easy of transport.

twinaudacity a network? do they u2e actual locatiion tag2 or do they u2e locatiion2 on the network?

palteringcecutiency Both. The most common use is to plug in a specific set of coordinates and they will take whatever's on the pad to those coordinates. The network allows for different tricks and lower If one has one with sufficient power one can connect to the multiverse's network instead of just the host universe. [[ fuck ]] [[ ignore that I'll resend as less of a mess ]]

palteringcecutiency Both. The most common use is to plug in a specific set of coordinates and they will take whatever's on the pad to those coordinates. The network allows for different tricks and ease of selecting a pad to a point. If one has one with sufficient power one can connect to the multiverse's network instead of just the host universe at which point choosing a pad off the network becomes quite impossible as there are too many to comb through with trollish methods. Yesterday at 2:42 PM

twinaudacity how doe2 iit briidge the two poiint2, do you know? Yesterday at 8:40 PM

palteringcecutiency I might, I'm rather familiar with technology as a whole, and could find out if I was incorrect. Curious about them for any particular reason?

twinaudacity iit2 ea2iier two make 2omethiing when you have a better under2tandiing of previiou2 de2iign2

palteringcecutiency I thought that might be your goal, though I can hardly blame you.

twinaudacity ii'm really hopiing they're not at all liike the popular tv 2eriie2'2 tran2porter2 becau2e tho2e are ghoulii2h

palteringcecutiency The ones that send one bit at a time? Or has your timeline created something worse?

twinaudacity the one2 on the tv 2how work by ..ba2iically kiilling you and makiing a copy at the new locatiion

palteringcecutiency Oh lord. No, transportalizers do not work like that. The bubbles would be overflowing otherwise.

twinaudacity yeah ii wa2nt really eager two explore that avenue of iin2piiratiion

palteringcecutiency Quite understandable, for a multitude of reasons, good lord.

twinaudacity are we talkiing about foldiing 2pace or piierciing iit

palteringcecutiency Insistent little thing, aren't you? Not that'd you'd be a Captor without it.

twinaudacity ..ii wonder iif you could do iit liike the 2ylladexe2, captcha 2omeone iin one 2pot and uncaptcha them iin the other, iit2 ba2iically ju2t moviing them briiefly iintwo a pocket diimentiion..

palteringcecutiency Is this a personal project that you'd keep to yourself, or would you be using your company to achieve it?

twinaudacity iif iit2 a problem II can fiigure iit out my2elf wiithout cheatiing ;)

palteringcecutiency I have no doubt. c: But I think that's for the best. Your timeline is not prepared for the technological leap of instant transport. The time it takes for you to unravel it, especially if you use your company to do it, will allow for people to find the problems and solutions to them on a greater scale.

twinaudacity iit2 goiing two be iinvaluable wiith keepiing iin contact wiith the colony planet2, 2o ii need two get on iit

palteringcecutiency Ah, yes, that would be a problem for you, wouldn't it. Perhaps wise, then.

twinaudacity we do have ftl driive2 but that2 a liittle liimiitiing and iinterceptable

palteringcecutiency How so? Forgive me, but I'm rather curious about that field of study.

twinaudacity a 2iingle or multiiple ve22el2 can only carry 2o much and you have two plan ahead for what2- a periigee2 journey at lea2t? II thiink? and you cant get emergency 2upplie2 out fa2t enough plu2 ii hear we're 2tartiing two get 2ome piirate raiider problem2, or we already had them and iit wa2 kept hu2h

palteringcecutiency Good lord. I'll certainly keep opinions of that to myself as I'm sure your engineers are doing their best with what they have, but fuck that sounds infuriating.

twinaudacity they're workiing wiith thou2and 2weep old genetiic 2ample2 that have been copiied countle22 tiime2 gue22 who they really want two talk two ii'm currently iignoriing memo2 from my own company urgently a2kiing me for 2ome genetiic te2tiing ju2t becau2e ii feel petty about them wantiing my gene2

palteringcecutiency I can hardly blame you. c: I believe I'd do the same.

twinaudacity on the other hand when ii 2top iignoriing them and deciide two giive the engiineer2 a bone and fool around wiith our current engiine de2iign2 we'll be the top of the market agaiin

palteringcecutiency A commodity needs to be shared at the right time for maximum reward, after all. They've been using grown genetics for power though? A curious thought, possibly one with potential.

twinaudacity yeah iit2 ju2t cloned biioma22, iit2 iinf uckiing

all of our product2 2o ii really 2hould 2top iignoriing them and let them update theiir genetiic profiile and get riid of the copy error2

palteringcecutiency A very curious thought, one I believe I need to play with some. Ultimately that is your choice. One's body and self is a precious thing, and not to be given out lightly. ...though I may be more biased about that than others might, pardon.

twinaudacity ..how fa2t 2hould our 2hiip2 be, out of curiou2iity

palteringcecutiency Ah. Well. I suppose it is more 'could be.' I am unfamiliar with using a cloned biomass in place of... our power source, and do not know how they would compare. And there was a variable length depending on... power, and size of the ship, but. The idea of the Battleship taking perigees to get /anywhere/ is ridiculous and almost insulting.

twinaudacity obviiou2ly we need two retool 2omethiing, iif tho2e 2peed2 are po22iible. although we're obviiou2ly not goiing ah. the route you're talkiing about

palteringcecutiency Yes, as... effective, as it was, I would be horrified if you gave it a thought. It is not worth it. Not at all. But it is certainly possible. Incredibly possible in fact. The jumps I made were not small ones, and made quickly. ...if you'd like to stop speaking on this, please let me know. I am. Far more used to this topic, more than most everyone really. And sometimes I forget that, so please, remind me.

twinaudacity ii'll let you know iif ii get two bothered ii promii2e jump2? ii under2tand goiing 2o fa2t you pha2e 2hiift and 2top iinteractiing normally wiith matter

palteringcecutiency Thank you. It was a different method than that, one with literal jumps. The ship would hop out of reality for a moment, to another place, and then hop back in at its destination. Not an easy thing to manage, and quite draining as well.

twinaudacity ....ii2 telliing me how you do that cheatiing

palteringcecutiency Why, yes it is. c:

twinaudacity diick2

palteringcecutiency But I /can/ tell you that you will need a hell of a power source and a great deal of quick math to accomplish it, which is why helmsmen were so appealing. Two for one deal, and for a low cost over all. Again, not recommended, but some place perhaps to start.

twinaudacity ii wouldnt even know where two 2tart wiith that 2hiit becau2e all that re2earch wa2 de2troyed, 2o iit2 a good thiing ii'm not iintere2ted. math and power huh?

palteringcecutiency I'm sure there's places you could get it if you truly wanted it. I have a remarkably intimate knowledge of the Battleship and my rig for being in it for so long, and I plan to use it as inspiration with my own mechanical dabbling. And while I would not give you detailed plans again, I trust you with the knowledge enough to lay things out for you, explain how it worked. And yes. Leaving one's universe takes a great deal of energy, let alone taking an entire ship and all its contents with you. And there is an extraordinary number of variables to keep track of to make sure nothing goes horribly, horribly wrong, and a great many places to apply them to make what you want actually happen.

twinaudacity we already 2tore thiing2 iin liitle 2mall generated pocket uniiver2e2 ii can fiigure thii2 out

twinaudacity iit2 ju2t. much much larger

palteringcecutiency c:

twinaudacity god2 now ii have a miilliion thiing2 open famiiliiariizing my2elf wiith the 2pace program and ii blame you

palteringcecutiency I cannot say I am sorry, for quite a number of reasons.

twinaudacity II already had wo many project2

palteringcecutiency Did you? Consider me shocked, I would not have guessed.

twinaudacity :p

#pesterlogs #palteringcecutiency #posted ooc

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twotoned2marta22-blog · 7 years

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@palteringcecutiency Thank2 for the 2upport.

#ii'm late two the revelatiion but piizza ii2 great #!greet #palteringcecutiency

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wirrrp · 7 years

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RE:S Cliffnotes : Sparks and Psii

GD: Hey have you heard how fine cae is? PC: ... I might have an inkling. GD: Did you kick his ass because he's an ex-slaver, hit on you, or possibly because he told you this really hilarious joke that you know triggers me? PC: ...Nnnno, GD: C'mon, spill PC: Okay.

GD: You already have two whole Jesus in your life, so have you considered drugs? PC: YOU'RE NOT TAKING ME ALIVE I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING CAE'S BEHIND ALL OF THIS ISN'T HE I UNDERSTAND E V E R Y T H I N G GD: ... what the actual fuck? You literally had to tell me what happened because he won't. PC: Oh, don't play coy, I GET IT NOW, ADMIT IT GD: ... ... ... ??????

PC: YOU KNOW WHO'S FINE, I'M FINE!

GD: Okay, fuck this.

> Sparks : Throw a bucket of icewater on your dancestor

PC: ?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU I'M STILL FINE GD: Bullshit! PC: SO WHAT?

> Sparks : Hug your dancestor. > Psii : Burst into tears.

PC: okay, so, I'm really sad and I love you and I appreciate everything you're doing here, but you're still definitely part of cae's plan and I wish you could see THE TRUTH(TM) like I do. GD: I really really wish I could explain to you all of the ways that is wrong and makes me want to cry, but I'm going to hand you off to one of your jesuses instead. PC: okay. GD: :c

#re:s cliffnotes #palteringcecutiency #geminidoomed

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amicicidalgambler · 5 years

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I can’t find a post with this song to tag for Psii 8ut I’m doing so spiritually.

#palteringcecutiency

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caepaecaesurae · 6 years

Conversation

Literally Mituna: …I’m… sorry.

Literally Cronus: look, it’s just my pan, i’ll deal wvith it

Literally Mituna: :(

#ooc eyes only #palteringcecutiency #caepaecaesurae

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centaursreticle · 7 years

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> Sky : Message Sparks

> You receive a very concerned message from the Signless, suggesting that Sparks and his dancestor may be having an altercation of some sort. You thank him politely for the information, and soon fine an automated camera that has a reasonable view of that tower -- and hole where one of its windows used to be. > Zooming in, you see Sparks floating there with Twoblade, holding a bucket, looking into Psii's livingblock where a soaking-wet Psiionic has fallen off his chair. There are altogether too many Captors present. > You message your kismesis.

centaursreticle D --> More graceful than a boulder, and yet still a thematically appropriate entrance for you D --> May I inquire as to your current activities geminidoomed he has spent the entire night accusing me of wanting to drug him insensible because of some imagined plot of Caesurae's to have someting done with the 'dangerous psionic' so I threw a buckets worth of ice water at him. centaursreticle D --> Is it helping geminidoomed I cant tell yet centaursreticle D --> Continue

> You steepled your fingers, and observed very seriously as words are exchanged. Sparks comes closer, Psii freezes, Sparks hugs him, Psii bursts into tears. > You tap your fingers very lightly against one another.

centaursreticle D --> It appears to be helping geminidoomed thank god 2omethiing ii2 centaursreticle D --> Technically a pun geminidoomed II hate you centaursreticle D --> Yes

> You will watch somewhat, to ensure no explosions occur, but it appears that Sparks has it well in hand, despite his methods. Occasionally, nonstandard techniques are required to handle a Captor properly. > You delay the repair-drones, telling them that the repairs to the new hole in the castle have already been assigned and are in-progress. Either Sparks will fix it, or you will do so after he leaves.

#ooc eyes only #geminidoomed #hon mention:#palteringcecutiency

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methodicalauxilium · 6 years

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»- Announcement ->

»- I've been courting Mituna for about half a sweep ->

»- (Or, appro%imately, approaching a year) ->

»- And we've been not telling primarily because we didn't see the need and it was amusing ->

»- I am very glad he is in my life ->

#pda #I just want to get that out there #Before people start assuming it was for any reason other than that #palteringcecutiency

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palteringcecutiency · 6 years

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> Psii and Cae: Take A Wild Ride

caepaecaesurae hope youre wvell

palteringcecutiency ...f33l1ng 83773r, 7h3n?

caepaecaesurae if wve both dodge wve're going to need a newv topic

palteringcecutiency > Responding to this takes a noticeable time and a great deal of backspacing, trying to pick between more dodging, asking what you need to know, and just being blunt.

...d1dn'7 3xp3c7 7h15 k1nd 0f c4ll 0u7 fr0m y0u, 4f73r... 4ll 7h15.

caepaecaesurae I'm sorry, chief. i shouldnt, youre right. but life goes on, and theres nothing wvrong wvith a newv topic, reason or no reason

palteringcecutiency ...y0u m15und3r574nd. 17'5 4... d4r3, 1 d1dn'7 7h1nk y0u'd... d0. 4r3 y0u... 7ry1ng, 70 83 unpr3d1c718l3, 0r 4m 1 ju57... 5l1pp1ng?

caepaecaesurae i wvanted to knowv if you wvere okay if wvere not talking about that, wve need another topic or i can shovwe off are wve still trying to be friends?

palteringcecutiency f0r... m4ny 574nd4rd5 0f '0k4y' 1... d0 n07 qu4l1fy. 1. d1dn'7 7h1nk y0u w3r3 4c7u4lly... 45k1ng. 4nd... 1. 1 d0n'7 kn0w. 1 d0n'7 kn0w wh47 y0ur g04l5 4r3 47 4ll. 1'm no7 3v3n 5ur3 wh47 m1n3 4r3.

caepaecaesurae sounds like an improvwement considering howv the last ones havwe been going, if thats okay to say ...Sorry. i'm sorry nothing is fine. i'm sorry i didnt stop you.

palteringcecutiency ...why? 1 w4n73d 7h15. 1 571ll d0. 17 ju57... d1d n07 d0 45 much 45 1 h0p3d.

caepaecaesurae are you sure? ..i'm glad it was good for something. i wasn't sure if you really did want it or not but i knewv it wvasn't my place to second guess

palteringcecutiency ...1 w45 5ur3 fr0m 7h3 m0m3n7 y0u 541d y0u w3r3 w4171ng f0r 17. 7h3 d3741l5 d1dn'7 m4773r. 47 l3457 7h15 w4y l375 n4d4y4 83n3f17.

caepaecaesurae ..does it? i knewv it might nevwer come and i'd made peace wvith that

palteringcecutiency y0u'v3 570pp3d 7h1nk1ng y0ur 71m3 1n 7h3 8u88l35 w45 7h3 54m3 45 wh47 h3 4nd 1 5uff3r3d, r1gh7? 7h3n h3 83n3f175. ...0f c0ur53 y0u d1d. 7h3n why d1d y0u 54y y0u w3r3 w4171ng f0r 17?

caepaecaesurae i dont remember what words i used, chief, i wvas rambling.

palteringcecutiency

caepaecaesurae I don’t knowv that it’s a compliment, but I alwvays did miss you. I’m glad you made it to the prize wvorld. Complicated sides and all.

palteringcecutiency …the Beforan half, I assume. I… can’t imagine you missed… the other, at all.

caepaecaesurae .. The debts of honor don’t sit particularly wvell if left to fester forevwer, but otherwvise aye, there wvere far more fond thoughts of Beforus

palteringcecutiency …if I ask you to say that plainly, will you? Or will you dodge?

caepaecaesurae It may take me a fewv tries, but I don’t mind if you don’t

palteringcecutiency I’m… not in the mood to pry myself, so I don’t, no.

caepaecaesurae I did wvrong. It might be comfortingly safe to avwoid it forevwer, but it wvould still nag at me. Some part of me wvants to be a good man, and has the same stupid drivwe to “make good” at all costs that Arlequin does. I like to think I control it slightly better, since I actually listen to wvhat the wvronged party wvants. I missed the young friend I grewv up wvith. It’s for the best that the man I wvronged is here, convwenience be damned.

caepaecaesurae it wvould havwe been vwery easy to hide from wvhat i havwe done and givwe you no closure to pretend it wvas nothing, to ignore that you had... legitimate grievwance to hide my head in the sand. i am glad that you havwe a chance to try to be happy, and i wvill not hide from any of thise. that is wvhat i meant i am glad that my friend and the man that i wvronged havwe a second chance, evwen though i knewv i could suffer for it.

palteringcecutiency ...y0u d0, 7h0ugh. y0u 5hy 4w4y 4nd d0dg3 3v3ry 71m3 7h3 5u8j3c7 0f y0ur 5l4v1ng c0m35 up. y0u d0n'7 73ll 4ny0n3 70 4v01d d34l1ng w17h c0n53qu3nc35, 70 m4k3 5ur3 p30pl3 r3m41n 7h1nk1ng h1ghly 0f y0u. y0u d1dn'7 73ll y0ur fuck1ng k15m3515, 7h3 3x-5l4v3. /1/ h4d 70. y0u'v3 pu7 50 much g0dd4mn d1573nc3 837w33n wh47 y0u'v3 d0n3 4nd h0w y0u'v3 ~ch4ng3d~ 7h47 /1/ 4m 7h3 0n3 7h47 g375 5h17 f0r 8r1ng1ng 17 up 4g41n 4nd 4g41n. 4ll 0f 7h47 15 4 f4ncy p4ck 0f l135 d351gn3d 70 m4k3 y0u l00k g00d.

caepaecaesurae .. is the entirety of both of our existence to be nothing but wvhat wve havwe done to each other? ..I'm sorry that I'm too much of a cowvard to speak. wvould you rather I tell other people your secrets? I try to remember to at least admit that I wvas a slavwer, but I don't knowv howv many people I'vwe forgotten to. or not wvanted to.

palteringcecutiency 1'm n07 /45h4m3d/ 0f 831ng 0wn3d, cr0nu5. 1 h4v3 3m8r4c3d 17, u53d 17, f0und w4y5 70 83n3f17 fr0m 17. 17 15 p4r7 0f wh0 1 4m, n07 4n un54v0ry 5l1v3r 70 83 70553d 451d3 45 4n 1nc0nv13n13nc3.

caepaecaesurae I am ashamed of wvhat I'vwe done.

palteringcecutiency 83c4u53 0f 07h3r5' 0p1n10n 0f 17, 4nd 7h053 wh0 pr4c71c3 17. 07h3rw153 1 w0uldn'7 h4v3 h4d 70 5h0v3 7h15 l3550n 1n y0ur 5kull, y0u w0uld h4v3 4lr34dy l34rn3d 17, fr0m y0ur m1574k35, /gr0wn/ 45 y0u k33p 1n51571ng y0u h4v3, 1n5734d 0f 7h15 fuck1ng f4rc3 y0u'v3 5w4ddl3d y0ur53lf 1n.

caepaecaesurae wvhat wvould a person wvho has changed in the wvay you wvant evwen look like wvhat difference am i seeking i already knewv it wvas wvrong ..I'm sorry chief. I'm lost and I don't knowv wvhat direction to be heading here.

palteringcecutiency 83c4u53 17 d035n'7 w0rk. 83c4u53 17 d035n'7 pr0duc3 u53ful 7h1ng5 f0r y0u 70 83n3f17 fr0m. y0u'r3 50 34g3r 70 d3p3r50n1l1z3 4ny0n3 1nc0nv13n13n7 70 y0ur g04l5, 70 7hr0w 4ny0n3 4nd 3v3ry0n3 47 y0ur pr08l3m5 l1k3 7h3y w3r3 n07h1ng 8u7 /700l5/, /7h1ng5/ pl4c3d h3r3 f0r y0ur u53 4l0n3, 7h47 y0u /571ll/ r3fu53 70 83l13v3 7h47 5l4v3ry 15 wr0ng 83c4u53 17 /d357r0y5 4 fuck1ng p3r50n/. 4 p3r50n wh0 h45 7h31r 0wn w4n75 4nd d351r35, wh0 d353rv3d 70 l1v3 4nd f1nd j0y, 5l4v3ry 74k35 7h47 p073n714l 4nd /ru1n5 17/ 7hr0ugh /p41n/. //7h47// 15 why 17 15 wr0ng, why 17 5h0uld n3v3r 83 1nfl1c73d 0n 4n07h3r.

8u7 y0u r3fu53 70 533 7h15 45 4ny 50r7 0f w34kn355 70 w0rk 4r0und, 3m8r4c1ng 17 1n5734d 45 7h3 w4y 7h1ng5 5h0uld 83. y0u 4rgu3 7h47 7h3r3'5 4 w4y 70 cru5h 4 p3r50n'5 5p1r17 70 du57 4nd r34p 83n3f175 fr0m 17 w17h0u7 up53771ng p30pl3. y0u 8l4m3 07h3r5 f0r y0ur ch01c35, m057ly y0ur v1c71m5 4nd wh3n 7h47 f41l5, 7h3 3mp1r3 1753lf, 51nc3 w3 r383l5 l1k3 7h47 50r7 0f 7h1ng r1gh7? 50 17'5 u53ful, 70 83 1n f4v0r 0f 3qu4l17y. 17 d035n'7 m4773r 7h47 17 /m34n5/ 50m37h1ng, 7h47 15n'7 1mp0r74n7 /70 y0u/ 50 17 d035n'7 c0un7 f0r 4ny7h1ng.

y0u'r3 4 53lf c3n73r3d m4n1pul471v3 ch4m3l30n, ch4ng1ng wh0 y0u 4r3 70 g37 7h3 m057 0u7 0f wh03v3r y0u'r3 74lk1ng 70, f0r 7h3 83n3f17 0f y0u 4nd y0u 4l0n3 4nd w17h n07 4 51ngl3 7h0ugh7 70 wh47 17 d035 f0r 07h3r5, wh1l3 v14m3n7ly d3ny1ng 17 4nd 1n51571ng y0u'v3 ch4ng3d wh3n y0u h4v3n'7, n07 0n3 fuck1ng /5hr3d/.

1f y0u h4d. 1n 4ny 50r7 0f fuck1ng w4y, y0u'd 83 w0rk1ng 0n l34d1ng p30pl3 70 83773r pl4c35 1n5734d 0f runn1ng 7h3m 4r0und 1n fuck1ng c1rcl35 f0r y0ur 4mu53m3n7 4nd 83n3f17, 4nd w345l1ng 4r0und l1k3 4 fuck1ng 33l 70 muddy 7h3 w473r5 50 y0u d0n'7 g37 fuck1ng /y3ll3d 47/.

caepaecaesurae WVhat right do I havwe to lead anyone anyvhere? Of Course that's wvhy it's wvrong.

palteringcecutiency d0n'7 54y 7h47 l1k3 y0u d0n'7 d0 17 c0n574n7ly, y0u'v3 d0n3 50 1n 7h15 fuck1ng c0nv3r54710n.

caepaecaesurae wvhat do you wvant from me?

palteringcecutiency 7ruly? f0r y0u 70 f1n15h wh473v3r fuck1ng g4m3 y0u'r3 pl4y1ng w17h m3, 4nd 47 7h15 p01n7 1'm n07 p1cky /h0w/.

caepaecaesurae wvill you evwer believwe that i'vwe been trying to tell the truth?

palteringcecutiency why w0uld 1? y0u h4v3 n0 r3450n 70, 4nd 3v3ry r3450n 70 l13 47 3v3ry 7urn, 70 5qu1rm 0u7 0f 7h3 w4y 0f wh47 up5375 y0u.

caepaecaesurae i want to be friends but i dont know if trying is going to do anything but hurt both of us i dont know what more i have to give i dont think i havwe anything more

palteringcecutiency 7h15 15 7h3 p4r7 wh3r3 1 7hr0w my53lf 0n 7h3 1d34 0f fr13nd5h1p 1n 0rd3r 70 54v3 17 fr0m crum8l1ng, pr0m151ng 70 g1v3 y0u und353rv3d 7ru57 4nd 70 l37 y0u 83 4 5l1my g17 1n p34c3, r1gh7?

1 7h1nk 1'd r47h3r 4gr33 w17h y0u 1n5734d. why 5h0uld 1 83 fr13nd5 w17h 50m30n3 wh0 w4n75 my 7h0ugh75 r1gh7 up un71l h3 d035n'7 l1k3 7h3m, 7h3n d15c4rd5 7h3m 4nd r3l135 0n gu1l7 70 74k3 4dv4n74g3 0f m3?

4nd why w0uld y0u w4n7 50m30n3 50 /unpl3454n7/? 50m30n3 un4fr41d 70 l00k y0u 1n 7h3 3y35 4nd 73ll y0u wh47 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 h34r, 70 r3m3m83r? n0, y0u'd d0 much 83773r w17h fr13nd5 l1k3 r1ngl34d3r, 455p4773r5 y0u c4n d15c4rd 3451ly wh3n 7h3y d0n'7 m4k3 y0u f33l g00d 480u7 y0ur53lf 4nym0r3.

y0u w4n7 m3 70 83l13v3 y0u? h3r3, 1'll 7ru57 4ny fl47 4n5w3r y0u g1v3 m3. n0 c4v475, n0 5h4dy h4lf 4n5w3r, 54y 17 d1r3c7ly 0r l34v3:

d0 y0u w4n7 70 83 fr13nd5 w17h /m3/, m17un4 c4p70r, 0f pr05p3r17y, 4nd 4ll my unpl3454n7n355, 0r d0 y0u w4n7 70 u53 m3m0r135 0f 4 k1d 1 l1k3d 4g41n57 m3 70 g37 wh47 y0u w4n7?

caepaecaesurae i wvant to be your friend.

palteringcecutiency ...4lr1gh7. 1'm h0ld1ng y0u 70 7h47, 4nd 7r3471ng 17 45 4 50l1d 7ru7h fr0m h3r3 0n 0u7. y0u h4v3 l00k3d 47 7h15 4nd d3c1d3d y0u w4n7 7h15 1n y0ur l1f3, 4ll 0f 17, 4nd 1'm n07 f0rg3771ng 17. 50 y35. w3 4r3 571ll 7ry1ng 70 83 fr13nd5.

caepaecaesurae i don't knowv wvhat to say wvhen you're right. i don't knowv wvhat to say wvhen you're so wvrong i can't reach you from wvhere i am. it's easier to focus on the little things that i havwe any idea howv to handle.

palteringcecutiency 1n my 3xp3r13nc3, '5h17 y0u'r3 r1gh7' 73nd5 70 w0rk n1c3ly. 4nd y0u kn0w my 0p1n10n 0n 7h47 l457 0n3, 45 1'v3 4lr34dy 70ld y0u.

caepaecaesurae wvould you believwe i wvas at least trying to tell the truth if i let kur back in wvith vwoodoo to check that i dont havwe a goal for you that it isnt a game for me that i havwe been trying, desperately, for as long as you havwe been back, to just tell you nothing but the truth i mean, i'm evwasivwe as hell, i can't and wvon't pretend i'm not but the things i do say, to you

palteringcecutiency h3'5 n07 g01ng 70 r1p 4n 4n5w3r fr0m y0u, 3p53c14lly 50 500n 4f73r 7h3 l457 71m3 4nd w17h h0w 84dly y0u 700k 17, 50 7h47 0ff3r 15 4n 3mp7y 0n3.

8u7 pr373nd1ng f0r 4 m0m3n7 7h47 1 83l13v3 y0u, 1 w0uld h4v3 70 pu7 dry 3mph4515 0n '7ry1ng' 5p3c1f1c4lly, 5331ng 45 h0w m4ny l135 4nd h4lf 7ru7h5 1'v3 c4ugh7 y0u 1n.

4nd y0u'r3 n07 ju57 3v451v3 cr0nu5. y0u'r3 m4n1pul471v3. y0u 57r37ch 4nd 83nd y0ur w0rd5 70 7w157 7h1ng5 1n70 wh47 y0u w4n7. y0u 83gg1ng m3 70 7ru57 y0u 15 480u7 45 l4ugh48l3 45 1f 1 w45 d01ng 17, 0nly f0r 50m3 r3450n y0u 7h1nk 17'll w0rk 1f y0u 54y '7ru7h' 4nd 175 v3r14n75 3n0ugh.

caepaecaesurae ...i'm too tired to ask wvhat lies you'vwe caught me in, tonight. maybe sometime wve can make a day of you taking me to task for one of them, and see if you're right and i owve an apology again or if there's some other explanation

palteringcecutiency p3rh4p5 y0u'll c0m3 4rm3d w17h 4c7u4l pr00f 7h47 15 m0r3 7h4n ju57 y0ur w0rd, 4nd m4k3 17 4c7u4lly w0r7h 50m37h1ng. y0u'r3 n07 7h3 0nly 0n3 7h47'5 71r3d, cr0nu5.

caepaecaesurae that wvould be ideal this is tearing us up.

palteringcecutiency 7h3 50lu710n 15n'7 w1ll1ngly 8l1nd1ng my53lf 4nd l3771ng y0u d0 wh473v3r y0u w4n7.

caepaecaesurae ...is that wvhy being evwasivwe is wvrong there?

palteringcecutiency 15 wh1ch why wh3r3?

caepaecaesurae ...Sorry. I hadn't considered that avwoiding eachother wvould provwide opportunity for anything untowvard.

palteringcecutiency ...y0u m15und3r574nd. y0u 5p34k 0f h0w 71r3d y0u 4r3 4nd h0w much 7h15 cl4w5 47 y0u 4nd y37 7h3 0nly 50lu710n y0u d33m v148l3 15 1f 1 8l1ndly 7ru57 y0u, 4nd pr373nd 1 d0n'7 533 wh47 y0u d0 0n 4 c0n574n7 84515 70 m0r3 7h4n ju57 m3, 4nd f0r 50m3 r3450n, 1 h4v3 d0u875 0n h0w 5ucc355ful 4 v3n7ur3 7h47'd 83.

caepaecaesurae chief, you seem to think i am doing things on a daily basis that i cannot for the life of me identify either youre wrong or im stupid or a delightful mixture of both. im not big on conflict. im not trying to hurt anybody. i dont knowv wvhat to say that wvont sound like wvhining so i guess ill stop

palteringcecutiency ...4r3 y0u 4773mp71ng 70 54y 7h47 y0u m4n1pul473 4nd u53 3v3ry p3r50n y0u c0m3 1n c0n74c7 w17h... 8y /acc1d3n7/?

caepaecaesurae If I did it on purpose, don't you think the people I like wvould come out a bit better? I'm short-sighted. I forget things wvhen they aren't about wvhat I happen to be thinking of at the time. My attention to detail is intermittant and I solvwe that by wvriting myself notes, wvhich once upon a time wvere knowvn to trollkind as "Journals". I try to do my best as I see it, as I go along

palteringcecutiency n0, 1'd 7h1nk /y0u/ w0uld c0m3 0u7 83773r f0r 17, wh1ch, 5h0ck1ngly /y0u d0/. w0uld y0u h4v3 3v3r 4dm1773d 70 n4d4y4 7h47 y0u u53d 70 0wn p30pl3 1f 1 d1dn'7 d0 17 f0r y0u, 0r w0uld y0u h4v3 st33r3d h1m cl34r 0f 7h47 70p1c f0r c3n7ur135 50 y0u d1dn'7 r15k l051ng 50m37h1ng y0u l1k3d?

caepaecaesurae ..to be honest, i'd thought he did knowv that i'd owvned people. just not you, specifically. but I may be mixing up wvhat wvas wvhen. I wvas a highblood. I'd owvned people, but givwen up the practice and tried to change. i may havwe gone quite a wvhile wvithout admitting i hit you though. i think the greatest thing Nadaya has to gain from me is learning howv to deal wvith people like me. Safely.

palteringcecutiency 4nd wh3n 1 54y y0u'r3 53lf 4850r83d 4nd 53lf c3n73r3d: d1d y0u 3v3r f0r 4 /m0m3n7/ c0n51d3r h0w fuck1ng 837r4y3d h3 m1gh7 f33l 1f y0u'd g0n3 50 l0ng w17h0u7 m4k1ng 5ur3 h3 kn3w 480u7 7h47 p4r7 0f y0u? d1d 4ny7h1ng 07h3r 7h4n y0ur 0wn 5h4m3 4nd f34r cr055 y0ur m1nd wh3n y0u m4d3 7h3 d3c1510n 0v3r 4nd 0v3r 4g41n 70 k33p 831ng 4 5l4v3r fr0m y0ur 3x-5l4v3 qu4dr4n7?

caepaecaesurae ..Again, I'm fairly sure I thought wve'd discussed it not in immense detail, but... at least some

palteringcecutiency 0h 0f c0ur53, 17'5 345y 70 h4v3 c0nf1d3nc3 wh3n 17'5 n07 /y0ur/ w3ll831ng 0n 7h3 l1n3. n0 53n53 1n m4k1ng 5ur3, wh47 w17h y0ur 4dm17748ly f4ul7y m3m0ry 4nd h0w 1mp0r74n7 7h15 m4773r 15.

caepaecaesurae Mituna, Nadaya is a furious troll wvhen he's mistreated. It in fact wvould havwe been my wvellbeing on the line in short order. I havwe no idea wvhy he tolerates me the wvay he does.

palteringcecutiency y0u kn0w 45 w3ll 45 1 d0 7h47 h3'5 50f7 45 fuck 7h3 53c0nd h3 g375 4774ch3d 70 4ny0n3.

caepaecaesurae I suppose many of us are

palteringcecutiency 50m3 0f u5 pr3f3r 70 g1v3 7h3 83n3f17 0f 7h3 d0u87 0nly wh3n 17'5 34rn3d, 83c4u53 7h3y kn0w 83773r.

caepaecaesurae I hope it wvorks better

palteringcecutiency 47 n07 831ng 574883d 1n 7h3 84ck? w0und3d f0r 4n07h3r'5 l0f7y g04l5? u53d 4g41n57 my w1ll? y35, v3ry much 50.

caepaecaesurae howv the fuck did you evwer end up wvith friends like me?

palteringcecutiency ...1n3xp3r13nc3, 4nd d35p3r4710n.

caepaecaesurae you deservwe better.

palteringcecutiency 1 d0n'7 pr373nd 1'm n07 d35p1c48l3, 4nd 7h47 d035 n07... 4pp34l, 70 m4ny.

caepaecaesurae You're right, that most of those I'm close to don't confront me about the things you do. I'm not sure wvhat blend of that is things you're off about and wvhat part is things they're too kind to say.

palteringcecutiency 700 f0rg1v1ng, m0r3 l1k3ly. 35p3c14lly k4nkr1.

caepaecaesurae ...I don't knowv. I really don't knowv howv any of them can stand me.

palteringcecutiency 7h3y d0 m0r3 7h4n 574nd y0u. 1'v3 7r13d 70 5h4k3 7h3m l0053 0f y0u f0r 4 5w33p, 4nd 7h3y h4v3n'7 /8udg3d/. 7h3y /d3f3nd/ y0u, fr0wn 47 m3 f0r 84r1ng f4ng5 47 y0u, 7ry 70 c0nv1nc3 m3 0f 4ll 50r75 0f 7h1ng5 480u7 y0u. ...7h3 0nly c0mf0r7 15 7h47 4 g00d h4ndful 0f 7h3m 7h1nk y0u d353rv3 wh47 y0u g07, 4nd w0rr13d f0r m3 45 w3ll. 8u7 7h47 w45... 4 r3c3n7 d3v3l0pm3n7.

caepaecaesurae i wvas more sure of them until recently vwoodoo hasn't helped much.

palteringcecutiency 0h?

caepaecaesurae it's hard to ignore the vwiewv of me you showved.

palteringcecutiency ...p4r7 0f 7h3 p01n7, 8u7 r3g4rdl355. y0u d0u87 7h31r l0y4l7y 45 1f 7h3y'v3 0nly ju57 n0w f1gur3d 17 0u7 45 w3ll, 1n5734d 0f h4v1ng kn0wn 7h3 3n71r3 71m3, 51nc3 1'v3 70ld 7h3m, c0n574n7ly.

caepaecaesurae ... More or less.

palteringcecutiency 17'5 4 r3450n48l3 7h0ugh7, ju57 l1k3 17 w45 wh3n 1 h4d 17 4 5w33p 4g0, 0nly 70 f1nd 0u7 7h47 n0, 7h3y'r3 n07 4ll 7h47 807h3r3d 8y 17 f0r 50m3 fuck1ng r3450n.

caepaecaesurae I don't understand them

palteringcecutiency wh473v3r y0u'v3 d0n3, y0u'v3 w0n 7h31r /undy1ng/ l0y4l7y, 4nd 17 15 up 7h3r3 w17h 7h3 w0r57 fuck1ng 7h1ng 480u7 7h15 r31nc4rn4710n 8ull5h17, h4v1ng 70 w47ch h0w much 0f 4 f0rg1v1ng f0ll0w1ng y0u'v3 g4rn3r3d 4nd c0n71nu3 70 g4rn3r.

caepaecaesurae i wvish the possibility of me being happy didn't ruin things for you

palteringcecutiency 17 h45 n07h1ng 70 d0 w17h y0ur /h4pp1n355/. y0u w3r3 h4nd3d p4r4d153, dr0pp3d 1n 7h3 l4p 0f luxury w17h0u7 h4v1ng 70 d0 4 d4mn 7h1ng 70 34rn 17, w17h 7h3 r357 0f 7h3 fuck3r5 7h47 d357r0y3d 50 m4ny fuck1ng l1v35 f0r 7h31r 0wn 83n3f17, 4nd my 5l1c3 0f 17 15 g3771ng 70 /w47ch/. 4nd n0w 1'v3 5p3n7 7h3 ch4nc3 70 d0 50m37h1ng 480u7 17, 83c4u53 y0u 70ld m3 wh47 1 w4n73d 70 h34r, 4nd f0r 4 fuck1ng 53c0nd 7h3r3 1 7h0ugh m4y83 y0u w3r3 831ng h0n357.

caepaecaesurae ... technically speaking, I helped fight an empress and a god of time to earn it, plus anything else that may havwe happened during the swveeps wve wvere apart. and i WVAS being honest, and i ASKED you wvhat you wvanted, and it's not my fault you latched onto something because you're so damn paranoid wve can barely talk on a good day Here's another slice of truth if you are wvilling to consider it and go check it for yourself I am not going to hurt you. Evwer. There is no plan.

palteringcecutiency 4nd h3r3 w3 4r3, 84ck 70 7h3 u5u4l, d0n3 w17h l1573n1ng 70 unpl3454n7 p511.

caepaecaesurae Usually I sit here and apologize forevwer in the hopes that it wvill do anything to help. You don't like havwing your ideas challenged either No one does

palteringcecutiency 50 y0u'r3 7ry1ng 4n74g0n15m 7h15 71m3? 533 1f 50m37h1ng ch4ng35?

caepaecaesurae this can be a friendship wvhere wve are both gentle flowvers wvho tiptoe, or it can be one wvhere wve try to call eachother on things wvhen the other is wvrong. Maybe I'm making a mess of things again, as alwvays, but you're being paranoid. it is twvisting your understanding of evwerything and throwving you off. and it's a stupid hour of the morning wvhen I'm tired and frustrated ... i probably shouldn't permit myself frustration.

palteringcecutiency 15 17 r34lly p4r4n014 wh3n y0u g1v3 m3 3v3ry r3450n 70 5u5p3c7 y0u 4nd n07h1ng 70 d155u4d3 17? why n07?

caepaecaesurae because of wvho i am. it's not fair to you. ..evwery reason to suspect and nothing to dissuade it? things like nevwer doing anything to you, going out of my wvay to try to be helpful as much as i am capable of, and offering you free shots at revwenge if you wvanted them? nevwer trying to take any action in return wvhen you literally attack me? ovwer something stupid i said, granted

palteringcecutiency 50m37h1ng y0u'v3 g0773n cl053 70 54y1ng 4g41n, 1 m1gh7 4dd. n07 7h47 4 r3p347 w1ll h4pp3n, 3v3n 1n 4ng3r, 1'm gru8547 f4r 700 7h0r0ughly, 8u7 y0u ju57 d0n'7 l34rn l3550n5 8y n0rm4l, 51mpl3 m34n5. 83c4u53 7h3 d4m4g3 w45 4lr34dy /d0n3/. k4nkr1 70r3 m3 4 n3w 0n3 7w1c3, 3v3ry0n3 cr4wl3d up my chu73 480u7 17. /1 f1x3d 4ll y0ur 5h17/ 4nd 4p0l0g1z3d f0r fuck1ng 4g35, why w0uld y0u n33d p4y84ck f0r 4n 3g0 57r0k1ng??

caepaecaesurae i wvont take choices awvay from you chief, but i havwe my opinions i wvon't be blocking you, but i might ask nowv and agan if youre sure us talkng is a good idea, friendship or no

palteringcecutiency y0u'r3 7r3471ng m3 l1k3 y0u 5h0w1ng 4ny 1ncl1n4710n 0f up537'5 g01ng 70 m4k3 m3 crum8l3 1n70 50881ng du57. d0n'7 7r347 m3 l1k3 4 h3lpl355 gru8 wh0'5 571ll 73rr1f13d, 1 /5urv1v3d/ y0u.

caepaecaesurae alright its hard to keep the parts that aren't currently scorched in in mind, but I'll try

palteringcecutiency ...1 w0uld h4v3 5h0wn y0u m0r3 8u7 7h15 w45n'7 5upp053d 70 83 r3455ur1ng.

caepaecaesurae it wvasn't. ill try to remmber.

palteringcecutiency ...1f 1 0ff3r3d 70... h3lp 50r7 7hr0ugh 7h1ng5, f1ll 1n g4p5, w0uld y0u... w4n7 7h47? 3v3r, 1 m34n.

caepaecaesurae .. probably

palteringcecutiency ...c0n51d3r 17 0ff3r3d, 7h3n.

caepaecaesurae wvhere wvould it evwen start?

palteringcecutiency ...4 num83r 0f pl4c35, d3p3nd1ng. fr0m 7h3 574r7, fr0m 7h3 3nd f0rw4rd, fr0m 7h3 3nd 84ckw4rd5, ...wh47'5 807h3r1ng y0u 7h3 m057, 7h3 h4rd357 70 74k3.

caepaecaesurae ... It's hard to separate out. You'd probably call me self-centered again.

palteringcecutiency ...p3rh4p5. 8u7 p3rh4p5 n07.

caepaecaesurae My upset is largely ovwer the fact that I did that.

palteringcecutiency ...n0, n07 0v3r 7h15. wh47 k1nd 0f up537?

caepaecaesurae I wvas at least mostly acceptant of myself, before. The hatred is newv and counterproductivwe. And circular. I knewv it wvasn't great, but I could deal.

palteringcecutiency 17 mu57 83 m153r48l3, 70 h473 50m30n3 y0u c4n d0 n07h1ng 480u7, 4nd h4v3 17 h4un7 y0u d4y 4f73r d4y, 3v3n 4f73r y0u'v3 35c4p3d 7h3 517u4710n.

caepaecaesurae Mmn. Hate someone that I Should do nothing about. Though I suppose you're right enough.

palteringcecutiency d0 y0u 7h1nk 734r1ng 4 534dw3ll3r 4p4r7 w0uld 83 4ny l355 5u1c1d3 f0r 4n 4l73rn14n w1ggl3r? 0n3 wh0 w45 pr0p3r7y?

caepaecaesurae The day you escaped, you could havwe easily. You'd just chosen not to by then.

palteringcecutiency 1 w4n73d y0u 70 l1v3, 70 kn0w 1 h4d 83573d y0u.

caepaecaesurae Mission success.

palteringcecutiency ...4nd 1 d15l1k3 74k1ng l1v35, 3v3n 0n35 7h47 hur7 m3 f1r57.

caepaecaesurae ..I knowv.

palteringcecutiency ...17 w1ll f4d3, 3v3n7u4lly, w17h 'd1574nc3.' wh3n 7h3 h4un71ng 15 n07 50 fr35h, 4nd wh47 y0u dr34d 570p5 h4pp3n1ng. ...0r y0u c0uld u53 17, 70 1mpr0v3 y0ur3lf, 70 570p 831ng 7h3 7r0ll y0u n0w r3m3m83r. m071v4710n, 1f y0u w1ll.

caepaecaesurae I'vwe already been fighting my temper for so long I learned at least that much wvhen I wvas executed ovwer it I'vwe been fighting other battles less long, but ...

palteringcecutiency w3'v3 5p0k3n 0f 7h15, h0w y0u l0ck y0ur5 1n 4 c4g3 4nd n3v3r l37 17 0u7, 7uck3d 4w4y wh3r3 17 c4n d0 n07h1ng, h4rm 0r 07h3rw153.

caepaecaesurae Better that than yet another mistake

palteringcecutiency 0n3 7h47 g375 y0u k1ll3d?

caepaecaesurae One that hurts people. It's disgusting.

palteringcecutiency d15gu571ng?

caepaecaesurae I'm disgusting. Sorry, good light.

palteringcecutiency ...4h, 1'm 50rry, g00d l1gh7.

#posted ooc #caepaecaesurae #tw: slavery #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: abuse #Honorable Mention:#trolljacksparrow #so many emotions so little time #their friendship is exciting to say the least

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