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cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog · 5 years

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Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT. L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I e a t them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

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1loml · 6 years

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If your mutuals were in BTS, who would be who? ♡

thank you so much for this ask lil’ anon! this was really exciting to do but i also honestly didnt know what angle i was gonna go from. so the following answers are really a mix of bts’ personalities nd also how i see them individually!!

namjoon @ilufelix im gonna be honest nd say i have no idea how to express why i feel you’d suit the role of joon but i’ll try okay!!! first of all, im pretty sure you are friends with literally everyone on my dash!! you’re just so kind nd loving and honestly who doesn’t love you!!?!?! you rlly give off vibes that you’re so well put together nd your aesthetic blog influenced my decision because it takes TALENT to pull of an aesthetic blog esp. with a neon look!!!! ur blog rlly is the coolest thing!! you also do the most to promo your faves wholesomely and spread awareness about their talents and just wow??!!!?! a whole intellectual??!! gosh mister joon is also the most big hearted person and loveliest soul nd really is an all rounder and u really fit that role so well skdjf i could go on forever about how much you make me blush sometimes u whole cutie shfkdh this was a weird ramble but it makes sense in my mind that you could be a whole joon!! i love you 🤕❤️

seokjin @jiminnight the highest accolade for mister jin can only be you miss jojo!!! you’re another person who seems to be friends with everyone and i always see you finding a way to tag someone in very specific posts!! ofc you have the usual bias posts but posts to do with cats or turtles you’ve got it covered!!! you’re always just spreading the love just like jin would and wooeowirowow i think it’s beautiful,, mister heart man??? you’re another embodiment of him nd you deserve this role the most!!! goshdfoh please your description is gonna end up being so long so im just gonna have to cut it a bit short because skfdjskg GOSH i love u both you really just like jin you’re really loving nd caring nd talented and uhhhffhhhfh you own my heart too??? so comparing u to the love of my life?? not wildt .

yoongi @ilysmchan this is another one im gonna find hard to explain but uhhfhfhfh yoongi is ½ of my sons nd guess what!!! you’re both just so small nd loveable nd i really wanna just protect you both with my whole soul!!!!!! you both own my heart nd wowowowow absolute intellectual beings here to bless our existence honestly!!! you may find the next bit to be a reach but HEAR ME OUT okay you make really cool audio edits like a talented legend u are nd guess who else is pretty good at producing sounds nd stuff uhhfhh you guessed it!! yoongle doongle. you are both excellent meme quality nd never fail to make other laugh and smile and wow u really do light up my day!! and have i mentioned I love you both very much???? i luv my soft children okay!!!!! i make a vow to always protect my faves okay???? okay!!!!!!!!

hoseok @ktheaven NADINE DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN OHMYGOSHD okay so u know how i go on about hobi being my whole ass crush that i get flustered by cause he’s so adorable and I love him with all my heart because he’s literally a happy pill full of lov???? well miss nadine you literally ooze the same positivity vibes as mister hoseok does!!! your positivity posts constantly enlighten me and pretty much everyone who comes across them and you really do spread around happiness just like that!!! mister hobi is the sunshine of my life okay?? and here you are literally being a happy pill and you fit that role so well nadine!!! hoseok really has my heart, he is so adorable and godhfhdh miss nadine guess what??? you’re his competition!!! that’s i right i went there okokok you really make me blush with your adorableness and just all round love that i dont deserve nd wooowodwow I lOve You whole ass cutie

jimin @1jmins DIA!!!! im screeching cause we were literally discussing this the other day skfjsk you nd jimin are so similar in so many ways!!! i feel sorry for anyone who hasnt been blessed by the look of ur visuals yet,, i mean,,, a face carved by angels fit with cute cheeks nd the most beautiful plump lips??? check! the most kindest caring personality and a heart full of lov for your friends???? check!!!! the only thing that’s lacking is the love of mangoes but we will overlook that because let’s be honest the most adorable personality traits outweigh bad food tastes okay???? okay!!!!!! also my heart is rlly full of love for the both of you like honestly the purest souls i have ever come across in my life!!! you’re both soft nd cute and really own my heart wowowoow like he never really fails to make me smile ever he is just the most beautiful boi nd wowow look at his competition!! every time i see u in my notifs my heart does the thing and beats faster because wowowoeoww i lov having u as a friend okay?!?!/ i love you incase u couldnt tell!!!

taehyung @okjimin uhhuhuf this is another one im gonna find hard to explain but i rlly feel this one okay???? miss jenna sometimes ur posts are wild nd you know who else is slightly wild?? mullet boi tae. skfjf i was just scrolling through your blog nd you bought expensive ass boots nd tbh that’s such a power move that (1) taehyung would do!!! thats just something i find similar between the both of you and its just the powerful aura you give off its rlly somethin oof nd that’s only one example out of multiple why you rlly pull of tae vibes for me,, of course i cannot write a mini love post for both of you without mentioning cute, bubbly personality you both have and the thing where you make everyone smile no matter what!!!! yeah!!! that really gets my heart beating!!!!! and gosh do i even begin to mention the visuals????? mister taehyung was voted #1 best lookin man in the world nd miss jenna you really are the equivalent in my books!!! ur gorgeous golden locks nd all round perfection????!!? you’re both my ultimate crushes and i lov u very much okaokay

jungkook @piedparkjimin dakota blease DONT even doubt this for a second okay you nd jungkook are talented bbys nd honestly dance legends okay???? mister jjk is just such an all rounder like he is really out there dancing his way through life nd being good at everything and stealing everyone’s heart and wow would u look at the similarities cause u really did the same with me okay?????? the sweetest most pure babies ever like wowowoowow i wanna protect so bad like i literally feel like you mum sometimes skfjdj i have u on snapchat okay so I don’t need to explain when i say personality wise you are v good at bein weird ass crackheads when u need to it’s wild okay skfj but also u are my young baby friend that i wanna protect at all costs so it’s no surprise that you’d be ½ of my sons okay…. lov u my tiny daughter

#shdkfjdj i didn’t think of this talent wise or position wise at all im dumb sorry #skfjskjf I i love you all and sorry if your description makes no sense!!!!#also I feel bad but there are only 7 of them so i really did choose the first people who came to my mind!!!#anon #answered

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msinha-galaxy · 4 years

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Motherhood of 16 years.

Amazing years-They just went by swiftly. When I look back to her turning 16; each moment of her being is just divine; A God’s angel gifted to me. She gave a meaning to my life; living my life and my childhood once again through her eyes. Her first cry; her first word; to her first test; to her first sadness; to her first friend all are truly special moments. I wish I could again live them each day.

0 years in the tummy: Kicking mummy dearest with all her might.. for every month making her mumma cry in pain almost bed ridden- Mamma feeding herself Rasgullas and pomegranates and all nutritious food for healthy good looking baby.

I will be helluva of a girl Mamma ! Watch out for me...Navratre comes; full blown pregnant mumma dreams of Durga and Laxmi. Is there a cute little Meri Durga in my tummy?.. mumma is dreaming of little princesses clad in white lehngas running around laughing and giggling around the house with sounds of lil girls wearing Payals. Yes it is the sign of my princess arriving my Durga my Laxmi my Sarswati arriving..

Two days post Dusshera she is Born Eshita Vani !! aka Laxmi Sarswati...

0-1 year : was the most quietest time; beautiful angel always looking towards her mummy with blue eyes. Lil angel beautiful; pink as a rose; doe eyed - mumma’s heart out of her body..

1-2 years: Loathed the Crèche. Howled her lungs out as she had to leave Mumma’s arms. Always looking for mummy’s bosom for breastfeed - the moment mummy is in sight. She knows no one except mummy and mummy’s arms. She cried and cried when she went through a mundan. Mummy’s heart wept to see her that sad.

Calls her father Daadda; doting father; who just lets her do everything- right to Painting the Ghar ka wall with Crayons to not wearing anything only undies...

Comes Mausi the villain - gets the little Esha wean off breast milk - mummy’s heart bled watching Lil Esha lick salt and mirchi. Cried all night missing her comfort - mumma’s Duddhoo. Mausi is practical and loving will sleep with Esha for next 7 days...

2-4 years: Now found new love in grandparents; Aaka; and Mausi. She is fast; supermodel always infront of mirror; changing clothes every 30 mins. Cat walked her way every where.

Mummy made a really bad hairlook to school yet told her teacher my mummy says I am beautiful and look like a princess.

Pride of a lioness cub; lovely as a doe; yet feisty in 2 feet of her being.

Her Aaka is the greatest; her first friend; she ruled him with her demands and he reciprocated with all his love to his Eshu.

Meri laado ki mehndi every weekend courtesy Naana!!

4-6 years: Blackmailed her mummy to buy clothes with her little tantrums in the mall. You should now know her as my little Paris Hilton - color coded top to bottom with mini satchel; sunglasses; shoes and dress. She is my Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell walking out of Lilliput Kid’s Store.

Enrique Iglesias croaking for her always since kid...A 5 years old Esha singing along I'm not in love it's just a fase that I'm going through i 'm always looking for something new 🎶🎵🎶🎵

Her Daadda disappears... Esha is a l’il sad each day as it goes yet each day a lot more happier with her new life with Naana; Naani and Mummy enfolds with new adventure infront of her... Her Naana becomes her strong fort around her. Her Aaka becomes her bro her friend her mausa No he is only Aaka....

Naani’s little brat was scolded- Little Esha packed her Barbie stroller and said I am leaving the house... couldnot help but turned back from the front door oh she doesn’t know where to go!

Homework with mummy never ! Mummy and home are supposed to be fun... PTM teacher pointed out she doesn’t do homework... Hello aren’t you supposed to teach her... she is supposed to spend time with Mumma and simply have fun.. school changed their rules...

Esha watches her Mausi’s tummy grow with doted eyes who is in there; will be taking her space.

Esha is 5 years and her sister arrives Anika.... She see her come to this world...her mausi shouting to top of her voice.. Amazed to witness the birth of her baby sister

They grow...4 and 9 uff.. what rivalry they share... right from Dresses to Doremon toys-Nothing to share with each other - every minute of love and play broken by a bout of fight and heartbreaks.

Esha growing with Naana and Naani and mummy.. Esha a little sad a little happy as new life stores lots of adventure and new world.

6-10 years: Comes Naani the SuperMom- life mein Twist... Naani brought Esha back to two T-shirts’ and two jeans. Finally hindi lessons and writing at age of 6..

Naani made Esha Raani excel in class. Every year Golden Star award! My Paris Hilton became Super achiever. Every year strived to do better than before...

My Golu molu angel had best of time with her Naana ... Naana loved his piece of heart... Her every wish is a command for him...

Yuvaan her lil brother comes to the world.., Lil Esha all overwhelmed looking at her small bro - dances in celebration in Mumbai along with Anika. She is taking care of her Mausi.. as she is happy for Yuvaan..

10 years-12 years Golu Molu Esha is a bunny toothed. Anjali Ekka is a soul sister; growing friendship see no bound.

My friends are her friends.. Her first pasta at Bristol with Abhishek uncle; Abhishek Uncle became the Pasta Uncle... every weekend she said innocently Aaj pasta uncle ke paas jaa rahe hai Kya ?

Sprite her favorite drink- Naana has smuggled Sprite at home come what may..

She is in love with her Maths teacher Richa Ma’am- she made her fall in love with maths for life...o Richa Maam married why O Richa Maam pregnant ohNo...

13 years - finally teenager Smita mausi - comes with a lot of teen wisdom n a lot of checklist for Lil Esha to accomplish. Her first kindle arrives with Smita mausi. Her love with books grows from here.

Arpita mausi nicknamed Eshita “Rockstar” - shares same interests - mimeing and singing. Hearing Arpita mausi sing- Esha finds her new interest of singing.

13 years : Watches Beti Bachao Andolan asks why it is important... and her existential question where is her dadda.. on talking with him for 3 days she says - mamma I am proud of you .you made the right decision.

Esha I am proud of you... you are my lil hero who inspires me to be the best version of me every day. To smile come what May ...

14-15 years - Mausi and Aaka are the guradian angels. Mausi keeping hawk eye on Esha’s progress.

Gets herself braces. the unbearable pain of braces for the entire year but the future to have better teeth than bunny teeth.

Anika’s Didi is growing; she is the big sister now.. Still sharing rivalry not for Doremon but for “she said- I said” “don’t disturb me”and wet eyes....wahi roothna wahi manaana... Esha Didi is teenager and Anika a small girl still... want to spend more time with Esha Didi. Esha Didi make pasta for me- says Anika

15 to 16 years: Anika’s Didi is motivating Anika to be focused and determined to excel.

Best gift for life embracing Nam myoho renge kyo.. she chants for great boards result and she aces it. Hurrah!

Not to forget Vampire Diaries Netflix Binge watching.. in love with Sherlock Holmes and Suits..My Lil Paris Hilton is now Hermione Jean Granger ( aka Harry Potter fame).

Her favorite actor is some... very difficult spelling ... Ian Somerhalder

Poor Esha - boards over yeah!! blends with lockdown - no respite...

Reading books and more books - her favorite book Becoming Michelle Obama.

My little Paris Hilton is growing taller to read taller books and quotes Michelle Obama on and off to her mummy...“I hope to be exactly like my own mother though not so at all like her at all...,

Hurraaahhh the dreaded Class 10th boards Lil Esha now competitive ; burning Night oil day and night Yesss she aced it she aced it... Aaka sends Gulab Jamun just as Results downloaded...

Nana panicking; Naani trying varied devices to download the result.. bingo SMS arrives the Ace result...Aaka Mausi joins in a dance jig in the evening...

Studying during the day and karoaking with her new mike in the night.. striving for perfection to every song she sings ... not sharing with anyone.. Nah ! It’s not perfect enough to be shared ...

Challenged by her mummy to dance like AlayaF- yeah she does accept the challenge and yet again had fun making her new video jig..

Hazel & Yashica besties forever ! Making new friends; deepening bonds of friendships.....all friends’ late night Zoom calls and socials - the joy; the laughter.. my lil Paris Hilton is now a debating Teenager - bubbling with loads of aspirations and dreams.

To many more trips to Zara, Mango and H&Ms with you...May you always dress the best and look like an angel from heaven as beautiful as my lil Eshu..

Your eyes sparkle with many dreams with focused goals - shhh don’t say it out...

Happy birthday My l’il Paris Hilton you deserve the best in life... look forward to you leaping ahead in life - I would keep looking from here... Cheers to many good days and also to some not so good days - All of universe will manifest to make you stronger and better human being each day as it goes.

Expect the best out of yourself; you deserve extraordinary hence first shape up to be extraordinary. Have a big heart for everyone. Be compassionate And courage to make your dreams come true.. live life to the fullest yet strive for excellence in everything you do..Dream big and live life like a Disney princess!

Your Proud Mother of 16 years

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