#pix talks rl

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

It is 2 am and I need to sleep because of the 2 day work event I have this weekend but my brain won't SHUT UP

i knew i should've brought my melatonin...

#pix talks rl

[talkingtea]

From those pix (if I didn’t know any better) I would think LA is G’s wife and potentially part of the show. Kind of like The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina cast - RL is dating JS IRL and KS on the show. Someone (cough CKP) needs to talk to G about that too 😂 😂 😂

We’re sure LA would love nothing more than for people to think she was part of the show 🙄

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

Throughout my teens and early twenties, I really lost sight of myself and what was important to me. 

My priorities shifted because I was told by everyone that I had potential that I was going to accomplish so many things. That I was going to make waves in whatever industry I went into.

As long as I did something business/corporate, there was nothing that could stop me.

Here’s the thing - I have NEVER felt at home in a corporate atmosphere. It has always made me feel like I was making a deal with a devil I didn’t believe in. 

Despite that discomfort, I followed everyone’s advice. I became very serious. I became very focused. And I became very good at the corporate thing. 

But I was miserable. I’ve been depressed, anxious, and suicidal since I was 17. And it’s weighed on me that all of my friends and family know me as this person - the diplomat, the manipulator, the climber. 

And don’t get me wrong, all of that time trying desperately to be the person everyone around me thought I could be hasn’t been all bad.

I’ve learned how to be the most confident person in any room. I know how to become an expert in something almost overnight (or enough of one to make it seem like I am). I know how to convince people to see my point, how to get people to trust my opinion. I’m calm in a crisis and I’m able to see every side of any scenario. And I can pretend to be content and happy with anyone, doing anything. 

I’m 30 now and for the last five years I’ve been working really hard on correcting all of this: unlearning my trained behaviors and adjusting people’s perception of me. It’s been difficult but I think we’re getting there. 

Part of my self-rediscovery process has been going back to interests that I dropped in favor of picking up more serious hobbies.

I came back to fandom and linguistics.

I’ve gotten back in touch with my witchcraft and am thriving on it. My friend who’s of mexican is a traditional bruja and has recently suggested that I look into my own heritage’s practices so that’s a goal going into the future.

My ultimate goal of having a non-profit that specializes in giving a comfortable home to geriatric shelter animals and animals that need lot of behavior mod training is coming back to the forefront. It’s a pipe dream, but I have some ideas that could potentially get me there. 

I’m finally writing and reading again. 

My next goal is to get myself back outside. I want to scuba dive more, I want to start kayaking again. 

It turns out that I used to know exactly who I was. As a child, I knew what was important to me and what I needed to thrive in life. But looming adulthood got in my way. 

I’m really glad that I’ve been able to cycle back to I’ve always been. That I’ve been able to make peace with what I want and need. 

#pix makes a post #pix talks real life #pix talks rl #Queue's too short for bad coffee #real life #self discovery #self rediscovery

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

Lemme preface this by saying Iive in the US. I dont consider myself high maintenence when traveling. Standards are different everywhere you go. One country's 5 star resort is another country's 1 star, ya know? When I'm in a different country, a different state even, I am pretty chill and adjust my standards to where I currently am. Bugs in a beachside hostel in Costa Rica? No shit, it's a beachside hostel, Bugs belong there. No wifi at an air bnb in Cuba? Of course not, most of the country doesn't have wifi in their homes (at least when I was there). No a/c at a ranch in the Peruvian mountains? No shit, it gets down to like 30°F every night, here's an extra blanket Idc that it's 90°F right now you'll want it trust me. Extra fees to take cameras into landmarks in Egypt? Good for them making the rest of the world pay reparations for destroying and stealing their heritage.

But when I'm traveling in TOURIST areas of my home state of Florida, I have pretty high standards for even the cheapest hotels.

And by cheapest I mean I've stayed in some shady, unkempt, dingy places where you're kinda afraid to put your head in the pillow that still charge like $100/night and expect you to pay for parking. Because *tourism baby*.

And quite frankly it's bullshit. Lets not think about the pandemic for a second, Let's go back to a time before everyone was ultra paranoid about germs in public spaces. I shouldn't feel like I need to bring lysol, Clorox wipes, and my own pillow to sleep on if I'm paying $100/night plus parking fees plus wifi fees. Like wtf.

#idk what this rant was really about but mostly it's about just wanting nice things #like if i pay money for something i want to feel like i enjoyed it not like I'm wishing for it to be over #pix talks rl #travel

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

I’m supposed to be working from home today but I can’t f o c u s

#pix makes a post #pix talks real life #pix does real life #pix talks rl #i cant remember which of these tags are my real tag for this shit #my tagging system is so fucked right now #but im too lazy to go through seven years of posts to fix it all #oh well enjoy the chaos

[pixiedustandbluebutterflies]

My boyfriend seems to be a magnet for really shitty friends and he finally has a friend who’s not a complete douche and im just so happy about it??!!!?!?!

#pix makes a post #pix talks rl