#poor george he's doing his best but there's something prohibitive about holding my phone and looking at this person through a screen

[lesbiansforboromir]

Ohhh it’s getting bad again folks, this is a venting in the tags post no need to read it or interact with it! 

#gotta lot of thoughts in my head that are better off outside of it #contemplating the now pretty real concept that I will have spent a large majority of my life in school #and in situations and learning things that I wasn't that interested in or enjoyed and some that were pretty distressing #only to get to my third year of university and to have my body be literally incapable at completing the last stage #we're back to thinking about 'what if it's just this forever now' and that's a bad concept #I always forget how dehumanising the bad periods are all your choices are suddenly nonexistent i'm not really making choices at all #i'm being forced down the most self serving most solopsistic lanes and I can't really care about people and I cant make plans #i have no control over how I interact with the world or how I'm percieved really I'm just in bed and weighing the benefits of #talking to friends or having a bath #and I'm trying to balance my brain's still incessant need for stimulus but the very few number of activities that I can do without #severely impacting my health are so limited in scope and a lot of them literally make me depressed anyway #And it gets worse every year because I'm more and more of an adult who has no real adult experiences and less of a life to speak of #and it's already practically a concern like I really no longer trust my parent's instincts or ideas that it'll all be ok but #the idea of being cared for by anyone else literally drives me out of my mind with guilt and misery! #I'm walking my bones are all fine my brain works passably well #But I cannot work! there's no way I can work like this I can't even play video games all I can do is like #tap into that one arbitrary straight like that my brain's allowed me and open the tap and let it pour out #all other things have to be dug out of me and I'm so tired I can't think straight by the end of it #AND SCREEN BASED THERAPY... is not working out for me... or at least it's not got such a benefit #poor george he's doing his best but there's something prohibitive about holding my phone and looking at this person through a screen #ANYWAY if you read all the way down here don't worry about it and you didn't need too I'm just cataloguing #I forget a lot of how bad periods were so it's good to write it down to remember #tbd #except that's a lie but maybe it's not who knows

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer III: Amaterasu Blessed

When Anjou came into the lounge a few minutes later, Johann had already set up a small recuperation corner by putting together some chairs, taking sofa cushions for my back and putting the water dispenser closer to me. The old man chuckled.

“That reminds me, I haven’t approved your marriage application yet, Johann.”

“The school board has some concerns.” Johann said quietly. 

“Understandable ones. But I’ve already made up my mind.” He walked over and handed him what looked like a lipstick case. “This is my private seal. Once you two get back to the college, you’ll find the application in my left upper desk drawer.”

I frowned. “You’re not planning on dying, are you principal?”

“No my dear, I’m not.  But one should always be prepared, regardless. Now... that that’s out of the way, I can speak freely about your next assignment.”

He was looking at me, laughter in his eyes. “I need you to shadow Chisei Gen.” “Eh? But...”

“Do you really think he’s going to leave Japan with his siblings?”

I recalled his preparations earlier. “He’s not.” I said flatly.

“We have learned so much from your team reports in the last few days and yet we have only scratched the surface! Even if we have the ultimate weapon, we are still taking a shot in the dark. Chisei Gen is now the best source of intel we have.”

Johann and Nono had explained the Sword of Damocles to me. It wasn’t a sword at all, but a massive metal rod shot from space. The impact force and heat of the rod would be very similar to a meteor strike and would obliterate everything for miles, including a dragon.

But it would only be over its target every 90 minutes. And it would only be fired once.

“Then... why cut him loose?” I asked.

Anjou just smiled. “It is for the best that he tastes the freedom of his individual justice. He is a man without a mentor for the first time in a long time!”

“Uh.... then he might not appreciate me following him around then?” 

“He is also a Lonesome George by his own admission. Forgive me for saying so Johann.” He glanced briefly at him and turned to me again. “He is without equal in the world. And you are his kind. I don’t think he would turn you away. Quite the opposite.” He looked at Johann again. “No offense.”

Johann crossed his arms. Nono couldn’t hold back her snicker.

I blushed and changed the subject. “By the way... has anyone heard from Mingfei?”

Johann shook his head. “He’s probably hiding somewhere safe. You’re not worrying about him?”

I tilted my head in thought. “No... I think he’s okay. I wonder if he’s walking here. Poor guy didn’t have a helicopter like I did.”

Anjou was unconcerned. “Oh... I’m sure he’ll turn up when he’s needed. He always does. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be herding those crazy Gear Department Cats.”

“ 辛苦你了”(Thanks... sorry.) I said as he departed.

I wanted so much to sleep. I was exhausted from everything. But just as I was drifting off, my phone vibrated next to me. I picked it up. Unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Carli?”

“Eh? Chisei?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I... just wanted to say, I’m sorry.”

“I told you I wasn’t going to bring it up again. I meant it.” I said. Johann was watching me. I was nervous now, talking to another guy right in front of him. It was a for a mission. I knew he wouldn’t say anything or take it personal. That didn’t make it right in my eyes. “What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going back to the shrine. To get Erii and Chime on the next flight out of here.”

“I imagine things are pretty booked...”

“It won’t be an issue for me. I’ll also be  putting in my final instructions for Hydra.”

“So you’ve decided not to leave.”

“I can’t Carli. I was just looking at all these people leaving Tokyo. They’re probably going to die before they get out. They’re here, each car has a family. Each family is trying to stay calm, holding onto each other. After everything I’ve done, it’s not right for me to leave with my family.”

I sighed. “I’ve told you what I wanted but... if this is your justice then, that’s something I can respect.” 

“Thanks.”

I smiled, recalling Anjou’s words. “Sorry... if this sounds weird... but I can I come see you at the shrine please?”

“W...why?”

“Because... I’ve been thinking about what we talked about earlier. I’m more curious now about what your justice looks like. Your future plans for Hydra.”

“Won’t Anjou have something to say about you suddenly leaving?”

“Mmm...” I glanced at Johann. “Anjou is a smart man. If he cared, he would have said something by now. It’s obvious he knows I care about your welfare a lot. I still remember the way there. It’s a unique place.”

“Then... it’s fine.” He hung up.

Johann looked at me. “Anjou was right. At this point, he doesn’t have anyone else to talk to.”

I slid my legs over the side of the couch. Johann helped me get up. 

When I arrived at the shrine, stepping out of the void, it was raining, but I had an umbrella. I still wore the traditional Miko clothing he’d given me earlier. Chisei was already in the shrine, surrounded by priests, flowers and candlelight. I left my umbrella outside the dark space and knelt quietly on the tatami. 

He didn’t look at me or greet me. Instead he looked at someone near him with a traditional inkwell and parchment scroll.. “Write down what I’m saying.’

“I am Patriarch Gen Chisei, 74th generation patriarch of the Hydra. I am ashamed of the ancestors of the family. Our unforgivable errors have caused a disaster in Japan. Starting tomorrow, I will transfer all the powers of the patriarch to Sakurai Nanami, the head of the Sakurai family. She is the 75th Patriarch.”

“After me, family members should follow the instructions of their ancestors and must not pursue the dragon corpse for strength and power. Those who violate that prohibition will be executed by the family.”

“To avoid harming the innocent, the devils in the asylums should be well cared for. In every devil is our family blood. If we treat them kindly, they will be with us. If we abandon them in the wilderness, they will retaliate against us...”

He handed over all control, including contacts, access to buildings, property ownership and passwords to sensitive files. The rain had stopped and things were starting to clear up.

When he was finally done, he looked at the secretary. “Is it all written down?”

The secretary handed him the parchment which he read. He took a small knife, pricked his finger and smeared the blood on his ring. He pressed the ring to the parchment, leaving his signature on it.

He handed it back to him. “Make a copy, seal the original and give both to Nanami Sakurai.”

“Tomorrow, I will be an ordinary person. But today, please come to the battle with me.”

I felt the warmth on my back and looked over my shoulder. The sun had broken over the horizon and spilled its light into the shrine, on the priests and onto Chisei.

He looked so peaceful. Perhaps, I thought, I could believe he really was Amaterasu-no-Mikoto. 

He met me at the entrance. “At such a time like this, you can smile like that.”

I stood up, still mindful of my healing wound. “I just felt really happy for you.”

“I’ll be sending Erii and Chime away now... Is... Mingfei alright?”

“Oh he’s fine.” I waved dismissively. 

“I wanted to thank him in person. But... if you could....” He beckoned me to follow him.

He took me to a back chamber of the shrine complex. Erii was sitting in the corner, looking like me in Miko clothes, while Chime, dressed in priest clothing, still couldn’t seem to look his brother in the eye. 

“The helicopter leaves in 5 minutes.” Chisei hugged him gently.

“Are you... going to come back?” Chime again had that weak, weak voice.

“I can’t promise you that but I’ll do my best.”

“If only I could...”

Chisei cut him off. “You can’t... and you know why. If you went out there, I’d lose you... forever.”

Chime looked profoundly stunned. “I don’t... understand. The King should have pursued me. But he didn’t. I don’t understand why...”

Erii held up a notepad that read. “Brother, what’s going on out there?”

“It’s very bad, Erii.” Chisei opened Erii’s suitcase full of clothes that Mingfei and Johann had mailed to them. “Here, put these on. I’ll teach you your new identities.”

While he was doing that, I approached Chime. “How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He hung his head in shame. 

I waved my hand at him. “I’m like your brother. I can’t be killed so easy.” I had a sudden thought. “Chisei, after this is over, I’ll send you a bit of my blood for Chime. With the injection it will help prevent his ghost persona from returning.”

I turned back to Chime, “Your Soul Skill, you shouldn’t use it. If you do, there’s a risk you might be lost.”

He nodded. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“I do!” I gave him a victory sign. “Invite me to your first Kabuki performance! That is... whereever you’re going!”

Chime looked away from me, in a daze. “This... doesn’t feel real.”

“Want me to pinch you?” I asked playfully. 

“Uh...”

“Here.” 

“Don’t!” He flinched away.

I laughed.

“She has too much energy.” Chisei moved to shield him from me. “Change into the clothes I’ve left for you, also, here’s your ID, a bank card and a phone. Don’t tell anyone your original names. Only use the name on your passports.”

He leaned over and kissed Erii on the cheek. “I haven’t done much for you in these years. Not even as much as Mingfei did in this last week...”

Chisei’s voice grew hoarse and he abruptly stopped talking. He just hugged her again.

My smile faded and I looked away.

Once Chime had changed into casual clothes, Chisei led us out to where a bullet proof Benz was already waiting. He put Erii in the backseat and stroked her hair before giving Chime another hug.

I kept my distance. Chisei said something to Chime I couldn’t hear, but the younger brother burst into sobbing. “Don’t go, Chisei, please. Please come with us!”

Chisei held him close, not answering, instead, guiding him to the car. Chime dug his heels in, going into a full-blown panic. “The King is going to kill you. He will! I know he will!”

“Hey!” I shouted. “I won’t let that happen!”

Chisei sighed. 

“I mean it! This whole situation is kind of my doing you know? If I don’t follow through to the end it would wrong!” I blinked away my tears. “If Chisei doesn’t come back alive then... well, neither will I. Understand?”

Chime looked at me like I was his only hope and I really felt like I was. It was only then that he got into the car.

The vehicle drove away and I watched it. Chisei glanced over at me and I just looked back at him. “There was no way he was going to get on that plane without something, Chisei.”

“Did Anjou send you?”

“You...” I laughed. “Called me.”

#Chisei Gen #Chime Gen #Erii Uesugi #Dragon raja #FanFiction #Writing