#regardless of why zuko asks him - he doesn't want to turn into ozai and start a war again - why aren't they more freaked | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

azulafangligo · 4 years

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I know it's a bit late, but I wanted to share another story for @azulaweek . It's for day 4. I was happy to be part of Azula week for the first time and I'm looking forward to participating next year. Stay flamin :))

A mother's love

This story takes place about a week before the flashbacks in Zuko Alone

Everyone in the Royal Palace was sleeping at this late hour, except Ursa. She couldn't sleep a wink. She tried really hard to fall asleep, but to no avail.

It was a warm night in the Fire Nation. The moon shone high on a cloudless, black sky.

The princess left her bedroom with a candle in her hand, walking through the empty, dark corridors of the palace toward the kitchen to drink a cup of water. She could have ordered a servant to bring to bring her some water, but she didn't want to wake anyone up and start a commotion. Besides, she didn't like ordering others around. Ursa respected the people who served her and her family, but she didn't like relying on them for every little thing and exploit them, even though most would argue it was their job. It just didn't seem right and she wasn't comfortable with it.

As Ursa got closer to the kitchen, she entered the corridor with Azula's and Zuko's rooms. She passed by Zuko's room quietly, but when she was a few meters away from Azula's, she heard a creaking sound as the door was slowly opened. She stopped as she saw her daughter walking out of her room while rubbing her eyes and closing the door behind her. Azula spun around to see her mother after she noticed the candle light. She looked startled, but also tired, having small dark circles under her eyes which had been half open until she saw her mother. She was now facing Ursa wide-eyed.

"I was just going back to my room," Azula said after a few seconds, putting her hand back on the door handle.

Ursa looked at her, worried.

"Are you alright, Azula?" she asked.

"Yes. I just wanted to drink some water," she said, annoyed. Even though she was obviously tired, she seemed in a rush to get away from her mother. This saddened Ursa. She really loved her and cared about her, but she knew she wasn't always doing the best job of showing her that. She tried hard to be a good mother for both Azula and Zuko, but her husband made that very difficult.

She stepped closer to Azula and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong," she said gently. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"No, I already told you, mom. I was thirsty. Now I'll go back to sleep," Azula said coldly. She looked away from Ursa and folded her arms. "Since when do you care about me anyway? Don't you have to worry about Zuko? Or you're here just because he doesn't need you right now and you want to make sure I don't get into trouble?" Azula said acidly.

"Azula, I love you and I care about you. I know I don't show it to you enough, but I'm doing my best for you and your brother. I want to help you if something's bothering you. You don't have to keep it to yourself. You can tell me. " Ursa smiled encouragingly at her, urging her to say what was on her mind.

Her mother didn't usually speak like this to her. She was always so busy giving Zuko all the attention that she neglected her.

Azula stood there for a second. She couldn't sleep all night. It was really frustrating and she wasn't sure what to do. She thought maybe a breath of fresh air and a few minutes in the gardens would help, but her mom came out of nowhere and she had to go back to her room now. Azula didn't have anything to say to her and just wanted to go to bed and be left alone. She'd be fine just by herself and she'd fall asleep eventually. It's horrible. I just want to sleep, but I can't. I hate this and I don't need her. I never did and I never will. She was about to go back to her room, but she thought how she'll stay in her bed for hours, struggling to catch some sleep, all alone. As much as Azula wanted to avoid her mother, she admitted trying again to sleep would be really hard and unpleasant. Maybe even more unpleasant than spending time with the woman that, no matter what Azula did, wouldn't appreciate her and would only criticize her and complain how she was mean to her favourite child. Azula didn't know why her mother pretended to care now and there was nothing she could do to help anyway, but it was better to tell her the truth instead of being all alone. This is probably a bad decision and I might end up regretting it, but here we go.

"I can't fall asleep. I've been trying for hours, but I can't," Azula told Ursa.

"It happens sometimes. I can't sleep either. Would you like us to go to the garden for a while?" Ursa said.

Azula looked away again. She still wasn't sure she wanted to be in her presence. It wasn't nice to be mom's least favourite child, but she had no trouble with that. Azula didn't need anyone. She did great just by herself. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to go for a walk outside, since she wanted to do that anyway. However, even though at first she would have preferred to be alone, perhaps it'd be good to have some company.

"Alright," she said.

Ursa smiled at her again.

"Come on," the princess said, a hint of joyfulness in her voice.

As they entered the garden, Azula felt the gentle wind on her skin. It was warm and pleasant outside. The bright stars were sparkling on the dark sky. She looked at the scenery overhead for a few moments.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" Ursa asked.

"I guess," Azula replied in a neutral voice.

They walked a few meters to the pond and set down. Minutes passed without either of them saying anything. Azula looked at her reflection in the water. In the darkness, she barely saw the dark circles under her eyes, but they were there. She frowned. I ought to get some sleep, but the problem is I don't feel tired at all. She looked tired though, because she struggled to sleep and she could see it in her face.

After sometime, Ursa finally began speaking.

"I'm sorry I haven't been a good mother. I haven't given you enough attention and I haven't told you how much I love you enough times. It's just… It's hard to raise two kids at the same time-"

"Yes, because I'm so mean and horrible and Zuko is so great," Azula cut her off.

"Azula, I never said that."

"But you mean it," her daughter replied, looking her in the eye.

"I don't. I know I left you the impression I prefer him over you, but that's not true. You're both amazing children and I love you equally. I admit I spent more time with him, but that's because your father isn't giving him any attention."

"Don't blame father," Azula said infuriated. "If Zuko would be good enough to deserve his love he'd get it. He doesn't deserve your love either."

Ursa was surprised and outraged that Azula spoke like that about her brother. She opened her mouth to tell her how awful it was to treat Zuko that way, but stopped, feeling her anger dissipate. It was mean to say something like that, but Azula only thought these things because she didn't feel loved enough. That was why she wanted to be better than Zuko at everything-so she'd be appreciated by her parents. Ozai had a very bad influence on her. He turned her against Zuko and made her see him and everyone who wasn't perfect as a failure. Azula was a wonderful child and the only thing her father did was give her bad examples, cultivate negative thoughts and feelings inside her and turn her into a competitive and hateful person. He had too many expectations and put too much pressure on her and, to be honest, he didn't even love her. It hurt Ursa to admit this, but it was true. Ozai loved neither of his kids nor anyone else in his family. He didn't even love Ursa. They had an arranged marriage just so he and Azulon could be in control of Avatar Roku's bloodline. But this wasn't about her. It was about Azula. She needed to know her mother cared about her and was proud of her.

"Azula, I'm sorry your father has so many expectations and induces you to feel so much anger and hate. I know it's very frustrating, but I'm here for you."

"What are you talking about? Dad's great and he teaches me to be the best. How is that bad?" Azula said, but a hint of doubt made its way into her mind. She hated to admit it, but sometimes she got tired and it became hard to catch her breath struggling to be the perfect child. I am perfect, I shouldn't listen to her. Dad wants what's best for me. He wouldn't have so many expectations if he didn't think I am up to the challenge. It's his way of showing how capable he thinks I am to do anything I have to. Azula wanted to believe these things, she really did, but she couldn't dismiss the thought that her mother was right. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself mom just wanted her to be nice to Zuko, she couldn't. Something in her voice, in her eyes told Azula she actually… cared. She was angry to think this stuff about dad, but, deep down, she knew it to be true. This made her really angry and also sad.

"I shouldn't have let him influence you like this. I know you're suffering and it's exhausting to try to be flawless everyday. I let you down, Azula, but I'll make it up to you," Ursa said, putting her hand on Azula's.

Azula didn't want to say anything bad about her father. She loved him and he loved her, but, for the first time in her life, she felt the need to say what was on her mind. She just couldn't hold back her thoughts, regardless of how much she tried. She felt weak and miserable and she despised it. I… I've never seen mom like this. It's the first time she actually wants to talk to me and know how I feel. She actually seems to be honest…

Azula slid her hand from under Ursa's. Then, she put her head in her hands, staring blankly at the pond.

"Sometimes it's… really hard. I do my best to please dad, but it's never enough," Azula said.

Ursa than unexpectedly hugged her tightly. Azula stared in surprise for a couple of seconds before she embraced her mother as well.

"I think you're great the way you are. You don't need to prove anything to me. I love you so much and I'll prove that to you more often," Ursa promised.

"Thanks, mom," Azula whispered.

They let go and just sat there in silence. Azula didn't know how much time they spent at the pond. It might have been minutes or hours, she had no idea. However, as time passed by, Azula gradually lost awareness of her surroundings. She was unable to concentrate on anything as the sight before her eyes became blurry. Soon, it was very hard to keep her eyes open. Her eyelashes slowly closed, everything turning black as she finally drifted off to sleep. Azula propped her body against her mother's arm.

Ursa gently put her hands around her daughter's waist and placed her on her lap.

In the few remaining seconds of consciousness before Azula fell asleep, she felt her mother gently caress her on the top of her head. This brought a smile on her face as she felt really calm and relaxed, but also happy.

Mom loves me after all… she thought.

#Azula Week 2020 #Day 4 #Fanfiction

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