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buckykingofmemes · 7 years

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Closet Softie

Or, How Bucky Barnes Nearly Ruined His Tough-Guy Rep

(On AO3)

The trail mix was gone.

The nice, expensive trail mix, with twelve kinds of nuts and the big sunflower seeds and dried fruits, the kind Tony only rarely left sitting on the common floors for everyone to get at, was gone.

Clint had been looking forward to that stuff all morning.

All the way through a hellish morning “jog” with Steve, all through Nat handing him his ass on the training mats, all through firing the same batch of misweighted arrows over and over so Tony could take scans and fix the design, he’d been thinking, when this is done I get to go upstairs and hang out on the couch and watch Dog Cops and eat the good trail mix, guilt-free.

And it was gone.

Clint was gonna shoot somebody.

Just as soon as he figured out who’d taken the trail mix.

kingofmemes posted:

yesterday i saw a sad duck in the park who kept getting picked on by the other ducks so today i brought some trail mix and we had a nice lunch together. also i think he might be the duck who pooped on sam last week. if so, he is officially my new best friend.

Posted at 3:29 PM, 24379 notes

(Read More Below)

Was...was that Barnes? No way was that Barnes. There was zero chance that the huge guy teaching a swarm of kids how to throw a baseball in the park was the Winter Soldier. That was ridiculous. Barnes was probably back in the Tower, brooding or something. Definitely not throwing crazy curveballs while a six year old with a broken arm rode piggyback. There were a dozen or so kids of varying ages clustered around, trying to mimic his throw. And while the big guy did have hair about the same length as Barnes’s, Barnes’s hair definitely wasn’t done up in sloppy child-made braids and topped with a dandelion flower crown. And Barnes would rather loose his right arm than deal with a bunch of kids, right? Even if these grubby little monsters were being remarkably well-behaved.

Had to be somebody else. Clint kept walking.

kingofmemes posted:

today i learned that i can throw a baseball hard enough that it will explode on impact. and also that if you do that, you better be prepared to teach a bunch of kids how to do it, because they wont ever leave you alone otherwise

Posted at 4:47 PM, 26658 notes

Clint actually tripped over the package left in front of his door. Avenger he might be, but it had been a long day at the end of a longer week, and he was tired. And usually there wasn’t anything left in the hallway to trip over, what the hell.

Clint grabbed the box and dragged himself into his apartment. Hopefully it wasn’t a bomb. If it was, he was totally gonna get blown up, because he was too tired to check before he opened it.

It wasn’t. It was a bizarre knit shirt-thing, big enough to fit him and with a hood and hoodie pocket, but without sleeves.The whole thing was made of a soft dark purple yarn, and it seemed unbelievably warm. It was...kinda perfect. He’d just been complaining on the last op about how hard it was to find warm clothes he could wear that didn’t restrict his arms so he couldn’t shoot.

He pulled it on. It was even warmer than it looked, and softer than Thor’s godly hair. Clint loved it.

But who the hell had given it to him?

kingofmemes posted:

i dont care what anyone says, knitting is a combat-applicable skill, and if you disagree i will fight you. with my knitting needles.

Posted at 3:42 AM, 47292 notes

There were cupcakes on the counter. Beautiful, glorious, still-warm cupcakes on the kitchen counter, and Clint was gonna eat all of them before anyone stopped him.

Well. Maybe he would share with Nat. Otherwise she might make him regret it. Nat was kinda the worst.

Wait, were these cupcakes for him?? They were lavender. With purple frosting. And the other half were little dark chocolate and red velvet sandwiches. Maybe it was a coincidence? Clint mused it over as he shoved a third lavender cupcake in his mouth. The red-and-black ones had some kind of dark red filling leaking out between the layers. It looked like blood. Nat reached past him and snagged two of them. He’d jump, but he’d gotten used to her sneaking up on him all the time. She was the worst. Clint refrained from commenting by stuffing a fourth cupcake in his face. They were really good.

Nat made a little muffled moan noise. Clint reached for one of the red cupcakes, and she slapped his hand down. “Those are mine,” she grunted around her mouthful of cake, because she was only ladylike when it suited her.

“Says who?” Clint asked, even as he took another purple cupcake.

Nat pointed to the paper plate. Where Clint’s cupcakes had previously sat, there was blocky sharpie lettering: Have fun on your mission & dont die. Below was a little drawing of an arrow and a spider. There was no signature.

Huh.

Nat swallowed. “We need to leave now if we don’t want to be late for the pre-op briefing.”

Aw, no, cupcakes. There were still so many left, Clint didn’t want to leave them. They wouldn’t last a day in the Tower.

“Take the cupcakes with.” Nat ordered, sweeping out of the room.

Nat was the best.

kingofmemes posted:

cupcakes are great. you could have one really big cake or 40 tiny cakes, thats so fantastic. im gonna die if i keep making this many cupcakes somebody help me eat all these

Posted at 5:43 PM, 23749 notes

Barnes had a death wish. It was the only logical conclusion. There was literally no other reason for him to suddenly yell “Motherfucker!” during a debriefing, while Nick Fury was talking.

That was the kinda thing that got you keelhauled. Clint would know, he was a human disaster. Barnes was apparently worse, though he seemed to have balls to match, because he sat still and maintained eye contact as Fury glared him down. Weaker men and some brick walls had crumbled under that glare.

Barnes waited him out, and endured the following dressing-down with respectful yes-sirs no-sirs and sorry-sirs. And then promptly dashed out of the room as soon as the debriefing was over.

Weird.

kingofmemes posted:

ever get clawed in the stomach by the secret kitten you rescued and stashed in your hoodie pocket? because let me tell you. it 1. hurts and 2. hurts emotionally, because i love her and she hates me

Posted at 4:47 AM, 37294 notes

Clint staggered into the common room. A bad op gone worse had not at all been helped by a stint in medical, which he hated, and he’d gotten home to discover that Lucky had knocked a houseplant over and somehow gotten dirt through the whole apartment and needed a bath. And Lucky did not like baths. Plus he was still dealing with a nasty cold. So now Clint was tired, injured, sick, wet, and somehow still covered in dirt.

Aw, life, no.

Barnes was on the couch, watching with raised brows as Clint stood and contemplated the disaster that this week had been. Possibly also he might be judging Clint for being such a human train wreck.

Clint sneezed pathetically.

Barnes stood up. Clint watched him, too exhausted to be concerned.

“You look like you could use a hug.” Barnes informed him.

It took Clint a moment to separate out what he’d expected Barnes to say and what he’d actually said. And then he said, “What?” Because, no way.

“A hug. Want one?” Barnes repeated, like Clint was slow. Which, to be fair, his brain was basically operating at the pace of a drunk slug.

“I...thought you were a no-hugging friend.”

“Mostly yes, but I’m in a good headspace today and you look like you could use either a hug or a mercy killing. And I don’t wanna get blood on this knife, I just cleaned it.”

Huh. That was...huh. Should he be touched or terrified? Clint didn’t think he had the emotional energy for both.

“So. Hug. Want one?”

“...yeah, please.”

Barnes was a weird hugger. He came in slow and careful like he was expecting something to detonate, but once he was there, it was like being wrapped up by the world’s nicest bear. Strong and steady and taller than Clint, damn him, but nice.

“Thanks.” Clint mumbled at his toes.

“Yeah, yeah. Sit on the couch, I’m gonna make you some soup before you pass out.”

Barnes was such a softie, Clint thought, splayed on the sofa, and slipped into sleep.

kingofmemes posted:

it turns out that the best way to cure grumpiness is with hot food and niceness. or maybe it was the murder threat that helped.

whichever. ill keep doing both just to be sure.

Posted at 4:47 AM, 5392 notes

Mod Hell note: Please note that Bucky did not feed bread to the duck. That is because bread is BAD FOR BIRDS and you should never give it to them, as it can cause serious health problems. Nuts and veggies are good. Google it.

#sometimes sams bird telepathy #just means birds understand him when he calls them assholes #Clint and bucky get along #still not shipping but you can take this as you will #sniper bros #special thanks to Nimitz #who just clawed me in the gut.#verisimilitude #bucky barnes #clint barton #Team Naptime #bucky king of memes #Tales from the Tower

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