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thegizka · 4 years

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Swift as Wind, Soft as Shadow

Chapter 7: Future

Three days after the end of the war, Temari is preparing to return to Suna, but there's one task to complete in Allied Shinobi camp before she can return home with a clear conscience.

Inspired by ShikaTema Week 2019 Day 5: Surprise Gifts.

Note: Sorry it took over a year to get an update, but for some reason, this chapter felt like pulling teeth. I restarted it several times until I found something satisfying enough to continue the story. Thank you for your patience! I'll do my best not to take so long with the next update.

Read it on Ao3.

Temari wandered through the Allied Shinobi Camp. It was much smaller than it had been before the war. The Iwagakure and Kirigakure forces had already returned home, and the bulk of the shinobi from the other countries were rebuilding their villages. Gaara and Kankuro had left her to take care of Suna’s remaining matters in the camp.

Three days of collecting the final effects of the deceased and packaging them for delivery to their next of kin. Three days of gathering all Suna documents and securing them to return to the village. It was meticulous, emotionally draining work, but someone had to do it.

Right now, though, she had given herself a different assignment. As the camp settled down for the evening, Temari wove through the tents looking for someone. She hadn’t expected to see him here, but mentions of him and glimpses in passing were hard to deny. She had a few things to say to him before she returned to Suna tomorrow.

She pinpointed his spiritual pressure as the last streaks of golden sunset faded into lavender and blue. Shikamaru was sitting on a stack of crates at the edge of the camp, his head tilted back to look at the emerging stars. She watched him take a drag from a cigarette. Since when had he started smoking? That made her hesitate for a moment. She hadn’t been able to speak to him since the end of the war so she wasn’t sure what his mental state was like. She could only surmise based on glimpses and whispers, and the fact that he was here and not home. She shook off her hesitation and strode forward.

“Come with me,” she said in a low voice, hooking her arm around his and not breaking momentum.

“What the hell?” Shikamaru sputtered, resisting her pull. “Temari?”

“Obviously,” she grumbled. “Come on.”

“What are you doing?” he sighed, though he reluctantly plodded after her. She dropped his arm when she felt he wasn’t going to run away.

“Just come on.”

She could feel his eyes studying her with a mix of amusement and exasperation. She was thankful for the rapport they’d built over the years. A normal shinobi would never follow someone from another nation to an unknown location in the middle of the night. At least, normally they wouldn’t. Things were different now that they’d united to fight a war. Something had shifted in shinobi society, and it was both thrilling and frightening.

“How far are we going?” Shikamaru asked with a heavy exhale. The smell of tobacco smoke drifted around her, making her nose wrinkle involuntarily.

“When did you start smoking?”

He didn’t answer, so she glanced over her shoulder at him.

“Does it matter?” he sighed.

“I’m not judging you,” she said, which was mostly true. He’d been through a lot. She couldn’t judge if he had found his own coping mechanism.

“Then why did you ask?”

She didn’t answer. She wasn’t ready to admit that she was a little upset that she hadn’t known. Or that she thought there were better ways to deal with trauma. There were other things she wanted to say first.

“Okay,” she said instead, climbing over a mound of churned earth into a large crater littered with downed trees. “This should be good.” The war had altered the landscape, which was to be expected when literal gods took to the battlefield. Those proficient in earth-style jutsus had helped to clear the main travel paths and nearby settlements, but the world would carry the scars of this war forever.

“Now what?” Shikamaru asked, grinding what was left of his cigarette under his heel. Temari turned to face him.

“Fight me.”

“What?” he scoffed. She never broke eye contact. He looked tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and stubble on his chin. He looked worn and a little broken.

“Fight me.”

“You brought me all the way out here for sparring practice?” The attitude was leaving his voice. “It’s nearly ten thirty. You should be back at your tent getting ready for bed.”

“No, I should be right here fighting you. Now come on!”

“Why?” he demanded. “You don’t even have your fan.”

“I don’t need my fan to fight.” She punched, and he reacted on instinct, turning aside and blocking. She didn’t give him a chance to back away, pivoting to send her knee at his side, but he stepped into her and shoved her with his shoulder. She used the proximity to grab his arm and flip him, but he rolled with the momentum and brought her tumbling after him.

“Temari, what the hell are you doing?” he demanded while she kicked at him. He grunted as her foot connected with his hip.

“What do you think?” She rolled away before he could grab her ankle and popped up onto her feet.

“Why are we fighting?” Shikamaru was gritting his teeth, a sign that he was frustrated. Good. He hadn’t shut down his feelings.

“You tell me.” She kicked at him again and he dodged, but she didn’t slow down, keeping him on the defensive.

“Stop it,” he growled, trying to grab her next punch, but she pulled back before he got a good grip.

“Make me.”

“Why are you being so troublesome?” He threw a fake punch to throw off her rhythm, following up with a strike at her stomach, which she easily deflected.

“Why aren’t you in Konoha?” she shot back, glad that he was actually attacking her now.

“Why aren’t you in Suna?” he mimicked.

“Why are you smoking?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Why aren’t you sleeping at night?”

“How is it your business?”

“Why is it so hard to admit you’re in pain?” Temari kicked some loose earth into his face, distracting him long enough to kick the back of his knees and pin him down with his arm behind his back and her knee on his spine.

“Is that what this is all about?” he groaned. “Yes, I am in pain. Your knee is breaking my back.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“What do you want from me, Temari?”

“I want you to talk to me,” she admitted with more emotion in her voice than she would have liked. “I want you to prove that you won’t let this eat away at you because I’ve been there, Shikamaru. I’ve lost two parents. I sat on my grief until it festered into an empty anger and a perverted sense of duty. I neglected my brothers. I neglected myself. All I focused on was not disappointing a mother I barely knew and a father who didn’t know me. That’s been a burden I’ve carried since I was three, and I still struggle with it.”

“Temari,” he said softly, but she cut him off.

“I’m not done.” She took a shaky breath. “I saw my father during the war. I came face-to-face with him for a minute, and you know what? I said nothing. After five years of wondering if he’s proud of me, if I’m living up to the legacy he left behind, I had nothing to say to him. Because he no longer has a right to my life. My mother doesn’t, either. They’re dead. I’m alive. My life is my own.

“Your father was a great man,” she continued. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t want him to be proud of you. But you’re still alive. You get to choose how to live. And part of that is choosing how you grieve. You can sit on it and carry it for the rest of your life, or you can let yourself embrace it and learn to move on. I think you know which is the better option.”

Temari focused on regulating her breathing while Shikamaru absorbed her words. She didn’t like talking about her parents. It brought a lot of mixed emotions and complicated memories to mind. But she also didn’t like not knowing if he’d be okay. Last time he’d lost someone close to him, it had taken time to find a healthy way to grieve.

“Temari,” he said in a low voice, and she braced for whatever deep conversation would be coming, “could you get off of me now? My arm’s falling asleep.”

She shuffled aside so he could sit up, shaking out the arm she had pinned.

“Did you really have to drag me all the way out here and fight me to tell me that?”

“I needed to be sure you would listen.”

He stopped his stretching to look directly at her.

“Temari, I’ll always listen to you.”

“When you want to, sure.”

“I’m serious.” He leaned forward, and she was thankful for the dim light which hid the emotions on her face. “We don’t always see eye to eye, but I value your perspective and your friendship. You tell me what I need to hear, so whenever you talk, I will listen.”

“So if I tell you smoking is a bad habit and you should stop, you will?”

“I said I would listen. I never promised to obey,” he chuckled.

“Well I still have time to change your mind.”

“What a drag,” he said with something like affection.

They lapsed into silence for a moment. Night bugs buzzed in the background, a promise that life would continue after the ravages of war. Despite the dim light and the fact that she had just opened up about her parents’ deaths, Temari didn’t feel uncomfortable. She and Shikamaru were well beyond the bounds of a typical friendship.

“So you are okay?” she asked eventually.

“Yeah, I will be.” He leaned back to look at the sky. The stars were blinking into recognizable constellations. “I’ve learned how to grieve and I know how to live while honoring those I’ve lost.”

“There’s no route to revenge this time.”

“That’s fine. I’m actually kind of glad. There’s been enough death and vengeance in the past few days.” He reached into his inner vest pocket. Temari expected him to pull out a pack of cigarettes, but his hand emerged holding the battered lighter that used to be Asuma’s. He fiddled with it in his hands but didn’t ignite the flame.

“Are you okay?” Suddenly he was looking at her intently. Even in the dark, she could feel the weight of his gaze and knew she couldn’t hide the truth. Memories of the war that had kept her up at night flooded into her waking thoughts. There were faces of shinobi she hadn’t known but whose deaths she had witnessed. There were her brothers, hurt and exhausted but prepared to fight facing their own deaths. There were the empty eyes of her reanimated father, bereft of pride and all but the faintest recognition. There were those desperate moments when she had felt Shikamaru’s life slipping away and been helpless to save him.

But they had won the war. Her brothers were safe. Shikamaru was alive and beside her now. In time, this reality would overcome those memories, and she would heal, too.

“I will be,” Temari promised, echoing his earlier answer.

He nodded, apparently satisfied with her response. He returned to observing the heavens and fiddling with the lighter, and she counted the stars while sneaking glances at him. Now that she had the time to look past the signs of fatigue, she could see the calm and intention in his features. The tragedy of his loss was still there, but it was different from what she had seen after Asuma’s death. She wasn’t worried that he would go rogue in an attempt to alleviate the pain. He was grounded and purposeful. Not for the first time, she was aware of how much he had grown and matured. Her heart swelled with a warm feeling that was both unfamiliar and intoxicating. She had to look away before it overwhelmed her.

“So you’re returning to Suna tomorrow, right?” he asked.

“I am.” Temari thought of her home and her brothers who were waiting for her. She missed the sand and the sun and the wind. “It will be nice to get back to something like normal.”

“Whatever that looks like now.”

“Yet another thing we’ll have to figure out.”

Shikamaru grunted in agreement. The lighter in his hand stilled. A moment later, he sighed and tucked it back into his vest pocket. He stood and stretched a bit before offering her a hand.

“Come on. There’s something I want to show you.”

Temari knew it was late, but it was only fair to go along with him after she’d hauled him all the way out here to fight. She let him help her to her feet. Did his hand linger on hers a little longer than necessary? Perhaps, but she didn’t pull away. He let go when he turned to lead her back toward the camp.

“How’s your mother doing?” she asked after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“She’s hanging in there,” Shikamaru sighed. “It’s not easy to lose the person you love.”

“You’re not in Konoha with her.”

“She doesn’t want me there. I have a job to do.”

Temari tried to see his face, but they were moving too fast and it was too dark to read his expression. Normally she’d expect families to grieve together, but the Naras came from different stock. Shikaku had always had a strong sense of duty, and his son had inherited that same will. Yoshino wouldn’t let either of them shrink away from their responsibilities, even when she was heartbroken, even when it meant sacrificing her family. She was the strongest woman that Temari knew, but even the strongest needed someone to lean on sometimes.

“I probably won’t be able to visit for a while. Give my sympathy to your mother. And look after her.”

“Yeah yeah, I know.”

“Shikamaru, please.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell her,” he promised. “You should write to her, though. She’d appreciate it.”

Temari didn’t think a few pages of writing would be sufficient to convey sympathy and comfort, but it was all she could do for now.

They slowed as they reentered the camp. Temari followed him towards the Konoha tents, her curiosity buzzing. What was he planning to show her? Had he intended to share whatever it was from the start, or was it an afterthought from their conversation and fight?

“In here,” he said, holding aside the flap of a tent. She hesitated a moment, aware of how entering his tent might be perceived by others. But there were few people around at this hour, and she and Shikamaru were known friends. She stepped inside.

Temari wasn’t sure what she’d expected, but his tent was decidedly plain. He lit the lamp hanging in the center of the small space, revealing a cot, a tiny foldable table and stool, and a travel pack. He hadn’t tidied his bed after last night’s rest, and he’d thrown one of his vests on top of his pack. There was just enough laziness evident to be on brand, but not enough to significantly hinder a speedy exit if necessary. She supposed her tent would look much the same, albeit tidier.

“Have a seat,” he invited, indicating the small stool. She balanced on the wobbly little seat while he dug through his pack to find whatever it was he wanted to show her. Her curiosity peaked when he pulled out two scrolls and a handful of papers, passing them to her over the small table.

“Take a look at these and let me know what you think.”

Shikamaru took a seat on the edge of his cot while she looked over the papers. They were covered in his somewhat lazy scrawl, and the edits and margin notes indicated he had revisited the text several times since first setting pen to paper. She raised an eyebrow at him, but he just gestured for her to keep reading, so she did.

Temari could feel his eyes on her as she made her way through the papers and scrolls. No doubt he was searching for any reaction to give him some idea of what she thought, but she was good at keeping her reactions neutral. Not that she wanted to disguise her thoughts from him. There was a lot she wanted to discuss in these pages, but she knew he would patiently wait for her to organize her response. She wanted to be thorough.

Several minutes of silence passed before she set the final scroll down on the little table. Temari looked at Shikamaru with his tired eyes and the weight of his grief with a new respect. She was impressed with his work, especially given the current circumstances.

“So?” he prompted, eager to hear her thoughts.

“It’s a good start,” she said, flipping through some of the pages, “a really good start. Have you talked to any of the kage about this?”

“Not yet. Like you said, it’s just a start. I want to get a more comprehensive plan outlined before submitting a proposal.”

“You don’t want to wait too long to get the process started,” she warned, drawing on her many years of Suna politics to inform her advice. “Cooperation between the nations could wane as we start returning to our villages. You’ll want to capitalize on the general goodwill as much as you can. And get Naruto to help when you talk to the other nations.”

“You don’t think I can convince them myself?” he asked wryly. Temari looked at him. He probably could. He’d earned respect throughout the shinobi world for his actions during the war.

“The kage like him,” she said with a shrug. “Plus it’ll mean less work for you.”

“Thanks for looking out for me,” he smirked. The way he smiled, strangely soft behind the amusement, made her feel warm. She looked away, letting the papers in her hands provide a distraction.

“A shinobi union of all of the hidden villages,” she mused quietly. Shikamaru had been thinking of the future even while dealing with the aftermath of the war. Reading through his notes and ideas, she could see the future he wanted to build. She wanted it to come true, and if anyone could make it happen, she was sure Shikamaru could.

“Suna will support the proposal,” she promised. “This is exactly the sort of thing Gaara would want to come out of the war.”

“Can I count on your help, then?” He shifted forward, looking at her intently. The earnestness surprised her.

“It’s pretty late,” she said. Suddenly she didn’t want to return to Suna right away in the morning. There was so much more work to be done.

Shikamaru burst into laughter, catching her off guard.

“I’m not going to figure all of this out tonight,” he chuckled, gesturing to the pile of paper. “But it will take me twice as long if I try and do it all myself. There’s also value in a contributing perspective that originates outside of Konoha. If this starts in collaboration, it would provide a better foundation for the shinobi union. I could use your help, Temari. What do you say?”

She remembered his promise to always listen when she spoke. He was offering her a place in the future he was building. Would she be up to the task?

“I say that I’m going to need a copy of what you have so far if you want me to help,” she decided. “Do you have an extra scroll?”

He grinned as he pulled the requested scroll and a brush from his pack and handed them to her.

“Glad to have you on board.”

“You’re just happy to have someone else to do the work,” she teased, starting to copy the main points of the plan onto the blank paper.

“Maybe, but you always say yes when I ask.”

She hated how confidently he said it but delighted in the implied trust between them. Still, she couldn’t be too predictable or she’d lose her reputation for being troublesome. She’d make an effort to keep him on his toes, whatever future they built together.

#shikatema #naruto #nara shikamaru #temari #kaze queen #my words #fanfiction #allied shinobi forces #the fic lives!!#sorry for the wait!#sawsas

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