#saying survivors of abuse (by people w PDs) shouldn’t have focused support communities

[fencesandfrogs]

Okay, so one of my posts that circulates a lot has to do w personalities disorders and abuse. So I want to lead with I do not think having a personality disorder (especially cluster B) inherently makes you abusive. If you have NPD, BPD, any other cluster B, or any other personality disorder, I’m sorry for the stigma you face and I do not think you’re abusive. (With that in mind, this post might be triggering for you, because it’s about abusers who have a personality disorder.) I also don’t think it’s okay to armchair diagnose abusers.

Okay, I think that’s all the red tape. (Good red tape. I don’t want to be misconstrued.)

So. I get frustrated sometimes with — now, this is a very Online Only Issue, because it’s not real world applicable, but the fact of the matter is online is a big chunk of a lot of people’s lives, and there are a lot of really good trauma support communities online. So I get that I’m pointing fingers at an online problem, but much like “let men be masculine” isn’t usually relevant IRL, it (a) sometimes is, and (b) is still meaningful commentary on the online communities where we spend a lot of time.

So I get frustrated because…let’s take Christianity. A lot of people were abused by Christians (in such a way that religion was relevant), and they make communities to interact. To support each other. To share stories. We all agree that’s good, I think? And in turn, we expect those survivors to not go into Christian spaces and badmouth Christians, and to preferably try to stay neutral in public.

And this is a charged comparison, I get that. I understand the complex social stigma factors at play here. I get that Christianity is a cultural juggernaut.

But I think like…the fact that people who were abused by people w NPD, in such a way that NPD was relevant, want to connect and share stories is okay.

That would be true for just about anything, right? It’s like — vent groups for spouses of people w various things are allowed to exist. You’re allowed to feel the way you do and allowed to find a community of support for it. That Idea is really important to me.

(Do I have to clarify that I don’t like or support the term narcissist abuse? If I do, I don’t. Actually, I might have to because of that analogy earlier since religious abuse is a Thing. The comparison wasn’t meant to be one to one, but y’know. Internet.)

And there is a really touchy issue of how to name these things. By touchy I mean “there are established communities w shitty names but I think the communities have a right to exist.” (You prob know the subreddits I’m talking about. I don’t know what I Would name them, and I would like to rephrase and make sure the context of “abusive parents with…” was clearer, but I think like. It’s okay that people want to connect w shared experiences.)

So that’s the pretty tangled knot of emotions I feel, and then I see someone whose content I generally like post something from the POV of someone raised by an abusive parent who had a PD. And like. Sometimes there are abusive parents who happened to have a PD. I had an abusive parent who happened to be Christian. But that’s not always true.

And I think seeing someone raving about Christians — someone who had clearly been abused — and saying “not all Christians” would be terrible, right? We agree they have the right to voice their pain?

So…I dunno. This isn’t a statement or anything, it’s just a ramble about the tangled knot of emotions and experiences I have about this.

#mine #if you clown on this post I will block you #clowning includes but is not limited to: #implying all people (or most or w/e) w PDs (or certain/a specific PD) are abusive #saying survivors of abuse (by people w PDs) shouldn’t have focused support communities #deliberately missing nuance or assuming bad faith #and just generally being a dick #also #ask to tag