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reeshyz · 1 year

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Title: It's much harder to be sad while eating a cookie Pairing: Paul Landers / Richard Z. Kruspe / Christoph Schneider Presentee: @liebe-ist-musik Prompt: Baking cookies Warnings/Tags: Angst with a happy ending | Jealousy | polyamorous relationship Word Count: 2.435 Summary: Richard is helplessly in love with Christoph and Paul, who are already together. Does he even have a tiny chance? Read on AO3: here

♪

“That was such a shitty session,” Paul laughs when he sits down on their red couch in their break room. Richard has to agree, because they didn’t really record anything today. Mostly they had just been playing around. “Was kinda fun though,” Richard says and he shrugs. They don’t really have any pressure on them this time, because they had released the last album a few months ago but they had wanted to spend some time together again.

“It’s always fun when we’re not taking work seriously,” Paul says, grinning up at Richard, who huffs. He’s clearly hinting at the old Mutter days. Sometimes Richard is still very ashamed of his behavior back then.

He’s still a perfectionist and loves to get a lot of work done, but he can also sit down and relax.

“Shut up,” Richard mutters, pouting at Paul, who now laughs even harder.

Richard had felt so many years ago in love with that laugh and not one day is he not feeling his yearning heart beating faster when he hears it so close.

“Come on you know it’s so much fun to tease you a bit,” Paul says and he throws one of the pillows towards him. Richard catches it a bit more clumsy than he wants to admit, but he takes it and then walks over to Paul.

“You’re an asshole,” Richard says, but he actually dares to sit down on Paul’s lap and then pushes the pillow into his face. Paul laughs even louder and tries to get Richard to stop. Richard lets him win and Paul throws the pillow away.

His hair is all over the place.

Richard wants to kiss him.

“But you love me anyway,” Paul says and he pokes his tongue out at Richard, who tries to go for an easy smile. His face feels frozen.

Paul has no idea how true that statement is. There is no one that Richard loves more than… Paul and his boyfriend. His heart throbs painfully in his chest and he looks down. He wishes he could have what they have.

And he had tried, but it seemed like there was nobody out there who would ever love him back as much as he loved people.

He thought that he had put that behind himself. But just being so close to Paul rips all the hidden wounds open and even worse than before. Richard feels like his heart is bleeding, all the blood and pain choking him.

“Rich?” Paul says, apparently Richard had taken too long to think about this. Richard looks down at his blue eyes and nods slowly.

“Yeah uh of course,” Richard whispers and it just gets worse when Paul licks over his lips. Richard could just lean down and kiss him now. He almost closes his eyes, because he’s probably imagining that Paul looks interested.

Instead the door behind them opens.

“Sweetheart?”

Ouch. Yeah that feels like a cold shower.

Christoph walks into the room and he looks relaxed when Richard turns around to him. Richard feels so bad because he’s sitting in the lap of his boyfriend, so he hastily tries to get, almost kneeing Paul right in the nuts.

“Hey Chris,” Paul says, his eyes so wide and full of love. Richard hastily takes a few steps away from the couch. He wants to leave but he’s sure that would make it even more obvious.

Richard doesn’t want Christoph to think that Paul would cheat on him. Because Paul would never! Richard had been the asshole to create such an intimate looking situation.

“What are you two up to?” Christoph asks and he walks over to his boyfriend. Richard watches helplessly when Paul kisses him. Both are closing their eyes and are completely focusing on each other’s love.

Richard swallows his feelings down. He’s an asshole and he should be happy for his friends. He should be able to ignore his love, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

“Nothing much, Richard was just trying to make me shut up,” Paul says and he surely means the damn pillow that’s still on the ground next to the couch, but to Richard it sounds as if he had known that Richard wanted to kiss him.

“Oh did he, hm?” Christoph mumbles and kisses Paul again. This time Richard can see how he sticks his tongue into Paul’s mouth who groans. Richard’s own pants feel a bit tight now and he should probably just leave.

“Yeah well I should look if Till…,” Richard starts and he points awkwardly at the door, even though they are still very much busy making out. Paul’s hand is even on Christoph’s ass now. Richard’s face turns a bright red, even though he had seen ‘worse’ things.

“Till left. He wanted to go and eat with Ollie and Flake in that restaurant he mentioned earlier,” Christoph says, when he breaks the kiss and looks back at him. Richard strokes through his hair.

“Oh uh well then I should…,” Richard shrugs. He doesn’t really have an excuse to leave now.

“We still wanted to bake cookies,” Paul says, he’s also bright red but smiling as well. It must be amazing to love and be loved back. Richard has to force himself to look away. It had been some time since he had baked, but it was always fun.

“Oh yeah I can do that. I already got all the stuff we need, you can just relax here,” Richard says and he turns to leave again. Sadly it seems like they don’t really want to be alone because Christoph speaks up again.

“It sounds like fun. We will help you!”

Richard closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It probably would be really weird if he declined now. Besides he could probably use their help, because Till always stole so many cookies, so they had to make a lot.

“Yeah sure,” Richard says and he hopes it comes out convincing.

Half an hour later Richard is really annoyed. He is already covered in flour thanks to Paul and it seems like those two can’t stop flirting for even two minutes.

Richard’s heart is slowly bleeding out.

“How long will this take?” Christoph asks and he’s holding a bowl with some batter in it. Richard tries to take that bowl away from him, while Paul actually should watch the damn stove. They already burned some cookies of the first batch.

“You don’t have to stay,” Richard says and his smile is only a grimace now. Christoph pouts and holds the bowl out of his way. Richard huffs and tries to get to it but sadly Christoph is taller than him and holds it above his head.

Richard tries to reach it on his tiptoes but it doesn’t help.

“Give me the bowl! I need to prepare the next dough!” Richard says and Christoph laughs. He hadn’t even realized that he had put one hand on Christoph’s hip while trying to reach the bowl.

“I could. What do I get in return though?” Christoph asks, his voice so laugh.

“Uhm…”

“You should give him a kiss,” Paul says from behind them and Richard turns to him. He can’t believe Paul would suggest something like this. Paul winks at him, just as Richard looks down to the cookies, who are burned as well.

“Shit!” Richard says, ignoring Christoph for now, even pushing Paul away. All the cookies are a dark brown. He sighs.

“Look at you, all mine now,” Christoph says and when Richard turns back to them he sees that Christoph had put his hand into the flour and then grabbed Paul’s ass. There are two imprints of his hands now on Paul’s pants.

“Always been yours,” Paul says and they are kissing again. Richard isn’t sure how much more he can take at this point.

“The cookies are burned,” Richard mutters and they both turn to look at him. Paul even takes a cookie and bites into it. He grins.

“Oh no look a broken heart,” Paul says and Christoph laughs too before he bites into it as well when Paul holds out for him. Richard knows he is overreacting but his heart feels exactly like this damn cookie.

“I need a break, you two do whatever you want but I’m out. Do those shitty cookies on your own, I don’t care,” Richard says and he turns around. He’s too angry to care right now. He knows jealousy isn’t a good character trait, but he’s just heartbroken too.

“Rich wait,” Christoph starts, but Richard loudly slams the door right into his face.

Luckily they both don’t follow him and so Richard finds himself outside, freezing almost to death, but at least enjoying a cigarette. He knows that he doesn’t have the right to be angry at those two.

He had just forgotten how much they flirted all the time. They didn’t know that Richard is in love with them and even if they did, they don’t owe him anything.

Richard is the disturbing factor here.

He’s not even sure why he’d been so upset about those damn cookies. It’s not like he really enjoys eating them himself. But the batch they had left burned a few minutes ago had been just hearts.

Richard had made those and he feels silly.

He had made those, daydreaming about giving them to Paul and Christoph while being next to them. He had wanted to get showered in kisses too and he would even take Christoph’s handprints on his damn ass, if that meant he would be theirs too.

But just like they had let the heart cookies burn, they’d cut his own heart open. Obviously both without bad intentions.

Richard wipes a tear away and hates himself even more.

He knows why Paul fell in love with Christoph. He’s strong minded, beautiful inside and out. Christoph would gladly participate in any dares and pranks Paul could come up with, but he would also calm him down when it was getting too much. Paul could always count on him.

Richard also knows why Christoph fell in love with Paul, who’s such a sunshine and could always make you love. Paul would happily carry the whole world on his shoulders, just to make Christoph smile again. Christoph would never have to go one day without a smile on his face.

And of course those are also the reasons why Richard fell in love with them such a long time ago. He hadn’t even realized it at first and one day he had almost told Paul, but then he had heard that those two got together over a tour break.

He shudders again and opens the door to get back inside.

“And what can you offer? Nothing but being a fuck-up. You’re addicted to cigarettes, you’re selfish and a perfectionist. You never shut your damn mouth. You’re just a damn raincloud that doesn’t fit to them,” Richard says to himself on his way inside.

He would just crawl into his bed and cry himself to sleep or something. He deserves this. Alone for thinking of his taken band members. The guilt is eating him alive.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

Richard almost hurts himself when he turns around. Paul and Christoph are both in the kitchen doorway, looking almost angry. It had been Paul who had spoken.

“Uh…”

“Come here, we want to show you something,” Christoph says now, his voice strict and he manages to sound disappointed and displeased at the same time. Richard thinks about just running to his room for a second.

“Please,” Paul whispers and Richard follows them back into the kitchen.

On the counter are now lots of new cookies. They are all shapes like hearts as well and they’re all decorated with pink icing. On a few of them are the words “I love you” spelled in a really bad handwriting.

“Oh. They look good,” Richard offers and then continues to stare at the cookies. Some have the words “We love you” on them. Richard frowns at those.

Christoph sighs and then takes one of those cookies and holds it up in front of Richard.

“For you.”

"Uh, danke?"

“Oh my god. Are you always this dense,” Paul says and just as Richard wants to snap back at him, but Paul is already kissing him. Richard makes a surprised sound but then slowly melts into the kiss.

“Finally,” Christoph mumbles quietly and Richard breaks the kiss.

“Shit sorry. He…he kissed me first,” Richard stutters out and he frowns when Christoph doesn’t look angry at all. No, he’s smiling.

“I know I told him too. Now let me kiss you too,” Christoph says and Richard nods. Christoph presses him against the wall and kisses him for real. Richard gasps when Christoph deepens the kiss and strokes over his chest.

Paul is stroking his sides and Richard shudders.

“Oh,” Richard says quietly, when Christoph breaks the kiss. Paul next to them is smiling and he holds Richard’s hand, before he’s the one who kisses Christoph now.

“We already knew that you liked us,” Paul says, grinning so widely.

“H-how did you know?” Richard asks, his face still so bright red. Christoph smiles and presses another short kiss to his burning cheek.

“You were kinda obvious, baby,” Schneider mumbles into his ear and Richard laughs a bit embarrassed. That’s great, so they knew the whole time.

“And Till told us. That’s why he’s gone actually, was scared you’d kill him,” Paul says, he’s already eating another cookie. Richard gasps.

“Oh I will kill him!” Richard says growling while the other two are laughing.

“But first you should kiss us again,” Paul says and he presses his lips onto Richard’s. He tastes like fresh cookies and peppermint. Richard’s knees buckle.

Christoph holds him upright.

Richard smiles into the next kiss.

Maybe… maybe he should thank Till.

After he kills him.

“Can I keep the cookies?” Richard asks them and the other two laugh.

“Of course. It’s much harder to be sad while eating a cookie,” Paul says, while he takes another one to eat it. Seems like he’s just as bad as Till. Richard would bake him all the cookies in the world.

“And we never wanna see you sad again,” Christoph continues and Richard is embarrassed because they probably saw him crying outside.

“Right now, I’m the happiest,” Richard admits when he bites into a cookie himself.

And for the first time it’s the truth.

He laughs when he gets two kisses to his cheeks.

#schnaulchard #reehshyz advent calendar

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reeshyz · 1 year

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Title: Who could my Santa be? Pairing: Paul Landers / Richard Z. Kruspe / Christoph Schneider Presentee: Revovovo Prompt: Secret Santa Warnings/Tags: misunderstandings | hurt / angst | polyamorous relationship Word Count: 2.601 Summary: When the whole band agrees to do a secret Santa, Richard is happy that he drew Christoph as his presentee. But then Paul wants to switch their papers and Richard discovers who Paul didn’t want as his giftee. Richard. Read on AO3: here

♪

“Really you wanna do a secret santa?” Flake asks and Richard chuckles at that. He’s not really happy about the idea either, but how bad could it be? If it would make Paul and Christoph happy (who had the idea) then Richard would do it.

Till looks at him as if he’s worried that Richard had hit his head, when he agreed to it.

“Do you always have to be against everything?” Paul snaps at Flake, who grins back at him.

“That’s why I am in the band right? To tell you when ideas are stupid. So this is me telling you,” Flake says and he leans back into the couch. Paul glares at him for a moment, before Ollie chuckles.

“I like the idea. It could be fun,” Ollie says and Richard nods. They all deserve a bit of stupid and ridiculous fun after the last few months of hard work. Besides this is the last week before Christmas and they’d all leave soon for their own homes.

“See, they all like the idea. So we’re doing it. Chris always has the best ideas,” Paul says, still pouting and Till nods to Richard as if he understands now why Richard had agreed in the first place.

Sometimes Richard hates how obvious his feelings are. At the same time he’s glad that at least Christoph and Paul are too oblivious of them, otherwise he could for sure look for a new band.

Richard sighs.

“Okay so we need to draw names first,” Paul says happily when it’s decided and Flake had just given up to even answer him. Christoph helps his boyfriend and Richard has to look away, when his hands find Paul’s hips.

What would he give up to be touched like this by one of them? By both of them. Richard feels how the emptiness seeps back into his heart. He shouldn’t think about stuff like that.

When they come back Paul is holding a little bowl with some papers in it. He sits down next to Richard now, touching him way too much. Richard gasps when Paul’s hand finds his thigh for a second.

Holy shit. Christoph sits down opposite them and Richard can’t even look him in the eyes, even though of course nothing is happening. Just his thoughts running wild again.

“There we go,” Christoph says and he takes the bowl away from Paul, before everyone takes one of the papers out of it. Richard is the last one to pick a name and he glances quickly down at it.

Chris.

Paul’s handwriting.

Richard swallows. He already has a million ideas about what he could give him. He already made him a rather adorable present for his birthday and -

“Reesh? Can we talk for a second?” Paul asks and he bites down on his lower lip. He’s clearly nervous and Richard frowns. Had he said something wrong.

“Yeah sure,” Richard agrees and Pal nods towards the door. Flake is already bitching about his piece of paper, while Till is laughing so loudly. Everyone seems pretty much distracted, especially when Ollie tips his mug over on accident and everything spills on Christoph’s jeans.

Paul gets up and Richard follows him.

Outside it’s much quieter.

“I know this is probably eh… cheating but I saw that you drew Chris and I’d really like to switch our papers? Please I have such a great idea for him,” Paul says and his eyes look so big and cute.

He knows how to play Richard every time.

Richard looks at his paper again. There is even a tiny heart over the ‘i’ since Paul had written it. His heart sinks, his mouth tasting like blood. It shouldn’t matter. His feelings can’t matter.

“Oh yeah, no problem. I mean…, he’s your boyfriend,” Richard says, his hand is shaking when he holds his paper out. Paul takes it happily and presses his own paper into Richard’s hands.

“You are just the best friend ever,” Paul says and he hugs Richard as tight as he can. Richard feels frozen, especially when Paul kisses him on the forehead. He feels like his head is swimming.

As fast as it had happened, it’s over again.

Paul takes a step back and then he’s gone back inside. Richard stares at the door for a moment, a small smile on his face. Paul had kissed him. Even softer than he did on stage. Richard would fall asleep to this thought for the next few weeks.

Just then it feels like cold water washes over him.

Paul had called him his friend.

Richard would never be more to him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath, before he opens the paper in his hands. He’s kinda nervous to see who’s name is written on it now. Richard looks down to it and sighs.

It’s his own name.

Paul didn't even want to give him a gift. That… makes sense.

There is no heart over the ‘i’.

Why would there?

Just a week after this… unpleasant day, Richard finds himself on the damn couch again. He’s not really in the mood for this right now, but it seems like he has no other choice than suffering through this.

“I’m so excited what I’ll get,” Paul says and he’s rubbing his hands. He’s not sitting next to Richard, who picked the furthest place away from him. Which means he’s next to Till and tries to relax.

“Okay since I thought the idea was dumb, I will start,” Flake says and he gets up and takes the golden wrapped gift on the table, that has his name on it. He shakes it very carefully, before he sits back down and opens it.

It’s a book and Flake actually smiles at that.

“Oh wow okay, thank you. I wanted to buy this for months by now,” Flake says and he hastily opens it. Olli smiles at him and they hug for a second.

After that it goes rather fast because Till hastily grabs his present and opens it. Flake had gifted it to him and it’s a nice bottle of whiskey. Richard has to smile when Till immediately gets up for some glasses.

They all clink their glasses and Richard groans at the taste.

Just what he needed.

Oliver opens his one next and shows them his newest sweater, that has something very graphic on it. Richard snorts, when Till proudly announces that he had bought that for him. Ollie is not even embarrassed he just throws it on.

“I got this for you,” Paul says now and he holds a red package up. Chris seems happy about that and presses a short kiss to Paul’s cheek. Richard doesn’t want to look at them but he can’t help it.

It’s a necklace and Paul even helps him to put it on. Christoph seems rather touched and they kiss again. Richard has to admit that the necklace looks very beautiful and it suits Chris perfectly.

Richard touches his own chest for a second.

He wonders what it would feel like to be so special, that someone would give him a necklace too. He’d wear it everyday and he knows how much it would mean to him. Especially because this one looks like drumsticks are hanging from it.

Maybe in another life Paul would’ve made him one with his guitar?

"Okay, next one. I don’t wanna see you kissing all day,” Till says and Christoph chuckles. Richard sighs and looks down at his own lap. There’s a package of cigarettes waiting for him, a brand new one.

“I have something very special for you,” Christoph says and he holds out his gift to Paul. It looks beautifully wrapped, even with a red bow and everything.

Till next to Richard frowns.

“Wait a second, how did you draw each other?” Till asks and Paul looks a bit embarrassed but he’s not saying anything. Richard wouldn’t either.

“Yeah that means…,” Flake says and he looks directly at Richard, who’s suddenly very interested in his fingernails. Damn maybe he should’ve painted them red today? Just like the blood that’s leaving his face.

“Richard?”

“Huh?”

Richard looks up when Oliver calls him. He looks kinda nervous and that is never a good sign. Ollie hates it to show emotions like that so openly.

“What did your piece of paper say?” Till asks, the worry so clear in his voice.

Richard takes a deep breath and then goes for his best fake smile. He could do this. He’d been lying to the press since he’d been twenty-five and he had lied to his friends before as well. Not that he’s proud of either.

“It had my own name,” Richard says and suddenly it’s so quiet in the room. Richard doesn’t dare to look at Paul and Christoph. He doesn’t want to see the pity in Christoph’s eyes and he’s not even sure if wants to know what Paul had been thinking.

“Then why didn’t you switch with one of us?” Flake asks and Richard shrugs. He feels overwhelmed and slowly gets up.

“Nah, it’s okay. I got myself something,” Richard says and he’s trying to smile again. Why does it feel so wobbly and why are his knees so weak? He’s barely holding himself up, this is all so embarrassing.

“What did you get?” Christoph asks and Richard finally turns to the love birdies.

“Cigarettes. A whole new package. Which I will use now. Excuse me,” Richard says and he walks out of the room before someone can stop him.

Outside it’s really cold but it calms him down for a second.

Never had he felt this unloved and while he knows that it’s his own fault, his heart doesn’t seem to understand that. Richard isn’t sure why he still had some hope sometimes left in him, but right now it feels like it’s all gone.

“Being alone can be something good too,” Richard lies to himself, ignoring his own tears.

He’d always been good at both.

“This is my fault,” Paul says quietly when nobody is saying anything. Till looks rather angry and Paul wants to hide behind his boyfriend for a moment. He had fucked this up.

“What do you mean, baby?” Christoph asks and Paul can’t even look him in the eyes.

“I… I switched my paper with his. B-but only because I found the necklace and I wanted to give it to you so badly, I even have a matching one for Richard too!” Paul says and he can’t help but curl more into himself.

“What?” Till asks, his voice is so sharp.

“Paul? Did you even look at the paper before you switched it with him?” Christoph asks and Paul looks down to his shoes.

“No… I was just so excited when I saw that he had your name,” Paul says and Christoph hugs him. Paul hides his face against his shoulder. He feels so bad. They all knew how often Richard had to fight his insecurities.

“Okay good. We need to explain that to him,” Flake says and Paul nods against Christoph’s shoulder. He didn’t want to make Richard feel bad.

“But you said you have a necklace for him too?” Till asks, he sounds a lot more soft now and Paul turns to him.

“Yeah I wanted to give it to him on Christmas, i-if Chris and I would finally have the guts to ask him out,” Paul explains and to his surprise Till starts to smile at that. Even Ollie and Flake seem a lot more happy.

“That’s good. I mean he never said anything, but I can see how he looks at you,” Till admits and Christoph smiles at Paul.

“We really hope that he likes us back, but yes I have seen it too,” Christoph says and Till nods at them. Paul tries to relax.

“Okay I’ll get Richard and you get the necklace!” Till says and Paul nods hastily. He’s out of the door before anyone else can say something.

He would make Richard happy again.

“Scholle?”

Richard tries to act natural and he wipes his tears away, before Till has fully opened the door. He doesn’t want his best friend to worry.

“Yeah?”

“Will you come back inside? You’ve been out for some time and it’s fucking cold,” Till says and Richard sighs. He throws his cigarette to the ground and steps onto it, ignoring the other two he had already smoked next to it.

He could consume his present like he wanted to.

“I’m sorry you felt like we didn’t love you. And don’t even deny it, I know you think that. But I'll let the others explain,” Till says and Richard walks over to him. He even gets a small hug.

They walk back inside and to Richard's surprise they’re all still in the living room. Paul is sitting on Christoph’s lap but they’re both getting up when they walk in. Paul is holding a small box in his hands.

“Richard?”

"Uhm, yes?"

“I’m sorry for making you switch with me. I didn’t know that you would get your own name, I didn’t even look at it. B-but I… I also had a present ready for you. It wasn’t planned to give it to you now, but…,” Paul holds the small blue package out for him.

Richard frowns.

“Thank you but, uh you don’t have to. I mean if it’s my Christmas present you can give me it then,” Richard says and he smiles. He hates that Paul feels bad for this. He didn’t want to make Paul sad.

“No, we really want to give it to you now. So you understand what you mean to us,” Christoph says and he takes the package into his own hands, when Richard doesn’t take it. Christoph even opens it and shows Richard what’s inside.

It’s a necklace.

Of his guitar.

“Oh.”

“We weren’t sure if you, well if you ever liked us back, but we were kinda hoping that you would,” Christoph mumbles, there is a blush on his cheeks and he looks so cute. Richard frowns.

“Is this a joke?”

“No, darling, we would never joke about something like this. We just were too scared to ask you out and then we fucked this up. I’m sorry,” Paul says and Richard finally takes the necklace.

“It’s beautiful,” Richard mumbles, he can’t believe this is real. He does hear how Till, Oliver and Flake leave them alone though.

“You deserve a sweet present as well,” Paul says and he helps Richard to put the necklace on. Richard’s heart beats so fast. He had wished for this moment and he can’t believe it’s really happening.

“B-but…”

“No buts. Since I don’t have such a beautiful necklace, I want to offer you another present,” Christoph says and Richard frowns.

“Like what?” Richard asks, squinting at him.

“What did you wish for the most this year?” Christoph whispers and he comes even closer. Richard swallows dryly.

“To be loved.”

Christoph kisses him and Richard finally feels like he’s coming home. He can’t believe that any of this is real but he feels that Paul takes his hand into his own. Christoph hums and then takes a step back.

“You are loved,” Paul says before he also presses a short kiss to his mouth as well.

“I… I love you too,” Richard mumbles, the embarrassment back at full force.

He knows that he can’t believe his luck right now but he also knows that Christoph and Paul would show him what it’s really like to be loved.

Richard smiles.

#schnaulchard #reeshyzadventcalendar

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