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#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk
fleshdyke · 11 months
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ahsgsjaugejwjg
#sh/sui warning for tags#been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/#which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk#idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me#and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything#but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time.#like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down#to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk#and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me#and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk.#and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt#one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around#the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk#i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to#and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared.#idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily.#i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of#thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk.#ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they#kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit#it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to#bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed#and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it#personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was#suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better#rambles#vent
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bbhyeoliskooks · 3 years
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Can you do a reaction of this?
I just imagine that, what if yn has a crush on 1st member but ends dating 2nd member:0 (i hope it makes sense)
。:゜𝐁𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞  。:゜
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
Genre: 3 cups of fluff ! and maybe two sprinkles of angst ?
Warnings: small mention of self-hate, kinda changed it up a little for Soobders but i hope you’ll still like it !!
(... this is like when somebody asks me if i have a bias from txt :ll I SERIOUSLY CANT ANSWER OML??? but this was a fun request to do !! i tried making it the fluffiest i can !! and btw, it did make sense so don’t worry !)
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
*: Yeonjun *:
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{\} Big fat stupid sigh and big fat stupid cri
{\} Did Soobin have to be that ignorant of your feelings ?
{\} why wasn’t the amount of effort you put in sending him signals not good enough?? why couldn’t he see how much you loved him after years of being together and knowing the other’s feelings? why did you have to love him when he was your friend? 
{\} You were feeling pretty down because of this, and Yeonjun easily noticed since he was your best friend :((
{\} He’d always lend you a shoulder to cry on whenever you needed to let out frustrations because of that boy, or even let his favorite shirt be a tissue for you and you only
{\} Because of this, Yeonjun figured out that sooner or later he had a few forbidden feelings towards you which was not the best case since yk... you had flutters for someone else
{\} He was still determined to capture your heart though !!
{\} And how did he do that ? By sweet and flirty gestures of course !!
{\} They could be from treating you randomly, picking you up from your job, holding your hand whenever the two of you go out, to giving up his comfy sweater so that you would feel warmer, ect.  
{\} Little by little, you got out of the shell of loving another boy and became even more closer to jjuniebug :)) that tiny cutie did things to your heart on purpose or not. he was just being the sweetest to youu !!
{\} It all started with a few kisses and hugs to make you eventually fall for him like he planned
{\} All Yeonjun’s thankful for is that you didn’t have the guts to tell Soobin or else you wouldn’t be his significant other :DD
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
*: Soobin *:
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{\} Sad as it is to hear, but unfortunately you and Yeonjun didn’t have enough time together due to schedules :((
{\} This caused a few arguments to erupt because the stress was building up in both of you
{\} Unnecessary words were thrown back and forth which caused a huge break up in the dorms
{\} It’s sort of useless to say, but it led to a pretty terrible break-up
{\} You promised never to see him ever again while he agreed never talking to you again :((
{\} which was pretty depressing; you felt like you couldn’t breathe without him by your side anymore because you really did love him
{\} Soobin absolutely hated seeing you like this !! The way Yeonjun was being so immature even as his older “brother” broke his heart. Somehow, all of his empathy was drawn to you and he just comforted you instead??
{\} He’s confused as well, why wouldn’t he help his bro ??
{\} This boy comforted you in the best way he could !! He truly did everything he could to make you love yourself more than depending on Yeonjun
{\} fast forward to three years where both of you moved on. Good thing is that Yeonjun found someone else while you’re stuck being single ://
{\} This was the perfect time to ask you to be his :)) and what else could you say?? Soobin has been by your side this whole time, always supporting you through the hard times and being the shoulder to cry on whenever you needed it
{\} ...how about we say yes to our happy ending now ?
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
*: Beomgyu *:
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{\} Crushes, crushes, crushes! 
{\} Why do feelings have to be so... complicated??
{\} You swore you could tear your hair out because of your heart
{\} One moment it would be stuck on Taehyun, then the next it would fluctuate to Beomgyu !!
{\} To be honest, you didn’t know how you got the memo that you liked both of them??
{\} Your strange heart just said boom and deal with it ://
{\} In an attempt to find out who you truly wanted, you decided to do a little “friend’s outing” with only you and Taehyun
{\} He’s not a jerk but... he left your date to pick up someone else he had a crush on for a while now 
{\} Cue in the perfect opportunity for suave Beomgyu to come in
{\} You were in shambles at how Taehyun easily left you sitting in the cafe that you didn’t even realize that you were ranting so much and so loud to Beomgyu. He was getting a lot of strange looks from the other customers so something snapped in him and- boom !! he just smashed his lips against yours to shut you up
{\} The clock ticks and seconds go by... the way he sweetly smiled into that kiss spelled it all for you
{\} No need to worry about feeling this way for Taehyun anymore !! Beomgyu is the one, and you know it deep into your heart and soul. 
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
*: Taehyun *:
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{\} Was it that stupid to say that you were waiting up so late for Beomgyu :(( was it that stupid to say that he was clearly the only one that took up all the space in your heart :(( was it stupid to say that you only loved him when sometimes Taehyun swayed your heart too :((
{\} just- the way he gazed at you intensely whenever you were talking was becoming a bit too tiring or the way he would volunteer to help do the dishes with you sort of... snatched you away?
{\} you had no clue who you liked now because of Taehyun :// he did things that fluttered your heart that you couldn’t help
{\} deciding to focus on Beomgyu a little bit, you told him all about what you were feeling
{\} You were visiting the dorms, and he was the only one there due to the boys grocery shopping !! It was the perfect moment to tell him, actually
{\} it ended up with Beomgyu saying he was confused because it sounded like you outgrew him a little bit with the additional information of saying Taehyun felt the same way you did
{\} However when he rejected you too (like you guessed), you didn’t feel anything else but pressure lift off your chest ++ no remorse/regret
{\} This only meant one thing~~ !
{\} You excitedly lingered at the dorms for Taehyun to come home so that you could tell him the words you were searching for
{\} Beomgyu even waited for the boys too to take them over to the living room since it would give you a bit of privacy and time to conversate
{\} When Taehyun finally came home, you spilled everything. Rejection was in the back of your head while you confessed what your heart meant... and he gently took that same heart into his hands as well
{\} The night ended up in warm cuddles and sleeping on the couch to which Soobin snapped a few photos at because he’s apparently proud of raising such a tiny boy
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
*: Kai *:
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{\} Long story short, you did everything to make Yeonjun look your way
{\} Whether it be styling your hair differently, to putting on some bold clothes, or even changing up what you liked because of him-
{\} All he thought of you as was a little sibling
{\} Feeling defeated, you asked Kai why you weren’t enough
{\} Hearing your cries ring throughout his ears shattered his heart
{\} were you really feeling this because of his hyung?? did you think yourself as lowly because you couldn’t make the man you love, love you back?? 
{\} omg, he hated him so much because of this-
{\} but n e way, getting Yeonjun to love you was his goal !! He set up dates for you so that you could be happy, ditched the two of you whenever it was movie night, plus told his older bro to give you a plushy
{\} along the way though, Kai definitely realized his feelings for you through the weird erratic thumps in his heart
{\} ahh, he didn’t mean to fall in love with you after all this time !!
{\} little did hyuka know that you liked him too because of these sweet efforts in wanting to make you happy :00 *gasp*
{\} one day or another, either one of you are going to confess !!
。*:★(´・ω・人・ω・`)。:゜★。
Posted: 11/12/20- 12:20am
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