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#sleep deprived for like 2 straight days bc yesterday i was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking abt it and today i was doing
pepprs · 2 years
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ok update i just finished making my card and i said / drew (lol) basically everything i wanted to say in it (except for the things i definitely can’t say now that this is happening lol). so i think maybe i might be ok with not saying what i want to say directly to her. but then when i say that im not ok with it at all LOLLLL so i think i need to sleep on it and maybe see what tomorrow brings
#purrs#sobbed hysterically writing the message and that was like 4 hrs ago (yeah.) and im still like dizzy and puffy eyed from it. i am not having#a good time lol. and it’s only going to get more intense this whole week and i don’t know if i can handle it. ive been overstimulated /#sleep deprived for like 2 straight days bc yesterday i was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking abt it and today i was doing#everything in mt power TO think abt it including being subjected to things that were hard and ofc the walk being a flop kinda lol. but omg.#mutuals i know it’s so deeply cringe but i have been vagueposting abt my work life since before i even got the fucking job. i know i look#mentally ill about it and i definitely am but my colleagues past and present are my best friends and my number 1 reason to be alive#actually. so this is just. idk. this feels very……. especially when this is someone who was never supposed to leave this suddenly. who i thou#thought i had years and years left with. and it’s just over like that and we have to say goodbye and i know it’s not even that big of a move#but it’s actually killing me. like physically. that this is happening rn. i don’t know what the fuck im going to do. and we aren’t even f#gonna be able to grieve openly at all but we are grieving and she doesn’t even.. like idk. maybe it just hasn’t occurred to her that we are.#but we literally are and its soooooooo bad. it’s so bad. i feel like im having a bad dream every day. i already felt like nothing was real#anymore and this helped abt -50000% with that sensation. like wtf is going on rn. she’s LEAVING. ON FRIDAY. FOREVER. FUCK!#but uh yeah the point is i do want to talk to her and if it was anyone else i would. but when it comes to emotional stuff and being honest#w each other abt how one makes the other feel… we are incompatible im afraid. she doesn’t want to talk abt it and all i want to do is talk b#but im shy and weak so i cave and just do everything in my power to give her what she needs and then i feel shattered for the rest of the#day / week / whatever. it fucking sucks and im not like that w anyone else in my little irl world (except my p*rents ofc LMAO) but it’s like#onmgggggg. can we please just talk abt how it is so painful you are doing this and comfort each other in it somehow. LOL! like i am in so mu#much pain i can’t even speak and she didn’t even look at me when i flicked my eyes over to her during the silences. CRINGE! girl she doesn’t#care about you 😭😭😭😭 except she does. idk. it’s just sooooo. idk. my brain is not right it hasn’t been since i got the news. i think im dying#delete later#OMG ALSO it is now the wee hours of july 26 which means that 3 yrs ago right abt now i did something so very stupid that made me have my#first very bad breakdown ever and it led to me realizing i needed counseling again. so maybe in the spirit of this anniversary i will do#this stupid thing (of asking to talk and then saying what i want to say even though i wrote it out) and then have a very bad breakdown and t#then go to counseling 🥳✌️
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I am back! And feeling very loved by your ipad😂😍 As i said, dont apologiseeeee. Take all the time you need. (And i am not gonna get tired of you). Also, i am so glad staff fixed the notofication problem!!! About time!  I’m sorry to hear about your cousin. It is aleays hard to lose someone close, and while time makes it more bearable, anniversaris are always a low point. But i am glad that you got to spend it with your family. It might bring memories back, but i guess that at least you were not alone that day. I’m sorry i cant do more through the internet, so i an gladly accepting that hug you offered me the other day and sending it back to you. I hope you are feeling a bit better now💛 Yes! I am tanned now. Not a lot, but i mean, you can see the difference between the skin that was covered by the bikini and the one that not. I have spent two whole days at the beach this week so…i have to be a little tanned by now, right? I get why you hate summer. It sounds infernal. Buuut living near the beach should make it easier, not harder. Bcs you have more wind that in the countryside and also the sea so you can swim anytime you want  and it is not so hot. Idk about the beach in winter because i never go, but in summer is quite cool. (I say that now but irl i cant stand the salt and the sand and i have to run to the swimming pool as soon as i leave exit the sea, yeah). Oh, and about your vitamin D. I was going to make a joke about how deprived of Louis we are but i am worried now so… how is that? Are you okay? Is it really because you dont see enough sun? 😱😱😱 Can you solve it? I have had anemia for almost a year and it sucks because i have no energy. And i cant solve it on my own so yeah, now i am also taking pills. I hope i can get my energy back soon. Nop. He didnt correct any exam🙃. But in the end it all worked out for me and i got a 9 instead of the 7.5 he gave me so…🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉 nope. I tried to get an intership like i did last summer but it didnt worked and my dad organised a family holidays for a whole fortnight (which means no internet pls Louis dont do anything big then) so no job for me this year. Which is bad for my pocket but at the same time is good for my health so no regrets. What about you? Do you work all summer long? Are you planning on going somewhere? I saw him!!! He was so stunning, having a good time with their friends. Thats all we could have asked for! ❤❤❤😍😍😍 I cant wait for Louis to go on stage and look like that every single night. 😱😭😍
Okay, i will come back this Sunday to reming you to take your pill. Dont worry. Until then, have good time💕 
Sorry for this stupid and too long answer.
m
Helooooooooo darling!!! I’m gonna try to answer this ask as “professionally” as I can, jajaja, bc I’m just very happy right now, and I can’t think straight. So, I apologize beforehand, for whatever nonsense I might write next.
Thanks for the hug, love. I rather don’t keep talkng about it, jeejeje.
Jajajaja, I feel you in that of having to run to the swimming pool as soon as you get out of the sea, jjajajaa. I used to go to the beach, and I stayed at my ancle's flat, that had a swimming pool. And I used to spend more time there, than in the beach. Even though, the water was hot 😅. Here were I live, the water never gets hot. Ever!! And the beach at winter... ayyy, I went once to the beach in “winter” (march) and it was a windy day, and I fell in love with it, 😍😍😍.
You can do as much jokes as you want of my vitamin D anemia,jajjajaja. We do it every day since the doctor told me, jajajja. And what a coincidence that I don’t have vitamin D at the same time we haven’t seen louis in a veeeery long time. I don’t want to assume things, but I may or may not have proven that Louis is the sun for real, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. 
Yeah, it is bc I don’t see the sun (louis) enough. But I don’t feel anything. Like you, for example, say you feel tired, I don’t feel anything. I’m very pale, but I’ve been this guy since I was born, lmao (I actually said that word). But since I sunburnt my legs very badly once (me salieron ampollas gigantes en las piernas 😱😱) I’m like afraid to be in the sun, so I avoid it. It doesn’t affect me seriously, but vitamin d is needed to absorb calcium so I need to take the pills. The doctor told me I’ll probably need them FOREVER 😱, but it isn’t an incordio(?) bc it’s only a pill every two weeks, so 🤷🏻‍♀️.
Another 9?!?!?! But what are those notes??? Jajajjajaja, I’d hate you if I were in your class,🤣🤣🤣🤣. I was a 6 queen. I did enough to pass, jajjajaj. 😅😅😅. But I’m really happy for you. Now that I don’t study anymore, I appreciate when good students get what they’re aiming for. (But that teacher... vaya cara!!)
So you aren’t working. Good! Jajaja, there will be enough time and years for you to work on summer (I hope so, at least), so I’m glad you get this summer to rest. Yeah, your pocket will notice, but your mental health too. So, good good.
Yes, I work all summer. Actually, I could have my holiday this summer this year. It’s that as I only work part time, I get part holidays too. So that means 2 days or so the whole year,jajajaj, or 4, I don’t even know. And I used to get them para las fiestas de Mi Pueblo (I don’t know how to say that in English,jajja). But this year I didn’t take them, so, they’re still there. Anyway, I won’t go anywhere, so I prefer to come to work and I see people at least.  
I’m :/ about Louis. I haven’t even been on tumblr that much this couple of past days bc everything made me sad for him. Between Harry’s tour ending and Louis rumor (I think it isn’t a rumor anymore :/) about him been a judge on Xfactor... I’ve been in a emotional rollercoaster his week. I love seen him happy. He should be always smiling. When he smiles the days are brighter. When he smiles, I don’t have to take a pill of vitamin D 🤣🤣🤣🤣. But it feels like he can’t get anything for free. If he wants something, he has to pay a very high price beforehand, and luego ya veremos si él recibe su premio... anyway, I can’t change anything about that situation, so I just get sad, and try to enjoy other things. Like Harry’s last concert. I woke up at 7am this morning, and so someone on my GC had shared a livestream link of the concert. So what did I do?? No, I didn’t go back to sleep. I took my iPad and watched the concert.why can Harry slap me into reality, jajajaja. And I enjoyed it sooo much, I even cried with SOTT,jajjaja, bc I love that song sooo much, and the way he sings it makes me feel things. Anyway, did you see he’s sort of CO??? Everyone was freaking out (myself included) but then I saw some people talking about how cool™ it was that harry was almost out of the closet, while Louis was just yesterday parading around with “his girlfriend” and is still a dad “but oh I’m so happy for Harry”, and  was “😩😩😩 o only wanted to sleep!! Or have good time! Why can people let other people enjoy things???” 
“Sorry for this stupid and too long answer.” Look at mine...jajjajaja. Don’t apologize for that. I love talking.jjaaja.
AAAAHHH! I didn’t tell you. Yesterday, I met two Irish guys!! They’re here as a kind of teachers on a school noseque me dijo,jajajjaa. Vamos, un campamento de verano de inglés. Y vienen ingleses nativos xa enseñar a los niños inglés. Vienen niños de toda España. Vino hasta Froilán, el nieto del rey,jajaja, cuando era pequeño. Anyway, they came to buy something, and they were talking to each other, and I know talk a bit of Spanish too, so I told them that I liked how they talked (yes, I’m that kind of person,jajja). And we talked just a bit. When they told me they’re from Ireland I almost asked if they knew Niall,jajajajaj. And I told one of them if he could talk in inglesa, and más majo,  he told me why they were here, and not much more. He asked me where was I learning English, and I told Tumblr, 🤣🤣🤣🤣. And he knew about it. Kjddnedjnidev, i have to see them again,jajajaa, and actually ask them about Niall. My problem is that I don’t TALK English, y’know? I write in English, but I don’t talk. So when he asked me in English, I answered in Spanish.🙄🙄🙄. I want to talk in English, but I’m afraid of doing it badly, so I don’t so it. And I mean, they’re Spanish wasn’t near perfect, but at least they try. And I could think the same about myself, but no. 🙄🙄🙄
Anyway, I think I’ll finish here, bc I’m just rambling, and I have to close the shop and go home to have lunch, and then come back again.
Have a very nice day!! Thank you so much for telling me who you are, and make me smile as hard as you did. You enlightened my day a lot!!! 
We will keep talking, no???
😚😚😚😚😚
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