#so like. for the people who ask when im gonna post on onlyfans/reddit/whatever again: i dont know

[tallymali]

i know this is a terrible awful ungrateful thing to say. but i sincerely hate my illness for not being terminal.

#i no longer have days when i wish to continue living #i went through all the childhood trauma and the failed suicide attempts #and i worked my ass off in therapy to get to a point where my brain was not a terrible place to live #and i sincerely felt happy about living and having a future #and then this happened. #and i dont know if i will ever live normally again #theres a chance im just gonna spend the rest of my life trapped inside my house numb from pain #so like. for the people who ask when im gonna post on onlyfans/reddit/whatever again: i dont know #i know you’re not asking that in an unkind way #i know its a compliment #but i truly dont know if ill even still be alive in a years time #i dont want to kms but i also dont have it in me to live my life like this #so yeah my answer to everything is i dont know and idk if i ever will know #sorry this is fuckin grim.