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#so now I'm having panic attacks at the smallest random sounds at night
justaweirddruid · 2 years
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sathina · 2 years
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Paper rings pt.2
Pairing - Jack Harlow x reader
Summary - you thought you had moved on, thought that you have forgotten Jack. Atleast that's what your brain told you, but your heart, it knew better.
Warnings - angst, arguing, talk about panic attack
Pt.1
" Oh, c'mon. You have to come. It's gonna basically be like highschool reunion." Your best friend's voice blared out of the phone as you cleaned. Wiping down the counters you clutched the small device to your ear tighter.
" Yeah…"
" Sweetie." A silenced pause ringed through before they continued. " I'm sure he's not gonna be there. Probably too busy with his fame shit anyway." There was a sharpness to their words.
When you told them what happened that day, they lost it. Going as far as ranting about the million ways Jack is going to suffer, in either physical or mental pain.
" Has he texted you again since then?"
" Luckily no. But he has been liking everything I post on social media, I mean I wanted to block him, but I think that's what he wants. Just a stupid reaction." You weren't lying, you just weren't telling the whole truth. Indeed you didn't want to block him. Quite frankly, you loved the attention, you loved how he constantly texted you. Saying good morning, goodnight, how was your day, did you sleep well? He begged for even the smallest ounce of recognition, but all he got was a simple 'read'. Sometimes you felt like an asshole. You thought about the way he might be feeling. After all you were ghosting him, acting like he didn't even exist, but then the pain and sorrow came through. All those memories of sleepless nights came flooding back, and you remembered why you decided to be this way. It was protection, you were keeping your heart safe.
" Yeah, and he better keep it this way, 'cause if not, I'm throwing hands." Your best friend's voice pulled you out of the train of thoughts. " But you should come. I will be lonely if you don't."
" I'll think about it."
" Okay. I have to go now. Bye." There was rustling heard on the other end, and then the beep of a hung up call rang through.
At this point you didn't know what to do. There was only a slim chance that Jack wouldn't be at the party. This was Louisville. If someone heard that he was back in town, everyone would try to get his attention. He was your highschool popstar after all.
<3
A red solo cup sat in your hand while you stood by the bar table.
People were swarming the place all over, some kissing, others dancing, more arguing. The noize and buzz was too much, but you couldn't leave now. Your best friend was already wasted, grinding on a random stranger.
Someone suddenly bumped into your shoulder. You lost your balance for a second or two, before looking up.
" I'm so sorry." It took Jack a moment to realize it was you. You looked so much better in person, the pictures only doing mere justice for your beauty. " Y/n!"
Your brain freezed, not one nerve moved in your body, it felt like you couldn't breathe. And just like muscle memory, you ran.
Discarding the cup somewhere half way through, you tried every door. Finally one you got open led to a bedroom.
It's been years at this point. So why were you acting like this? Acting like you couldn't move on just like he did. Why were you having a panic attack just now? Truth was you didn't know. The heart was a complicated thing. How could it beat so much for a person you hated? Your heart knew Jack broke you, but something about him pulled you closer.
A loud knock echoed through the room. " Y/n? You in there?"
You looked up in a slightly dazed expression, your ex standing in front of you, with the door wide open.
Both of you were like two deers caught in headlights. No one was making a sound or moving, just staring at each other.
" Hi."
You didn't reply though, you couldn't. It felt like your mouth was sewn shut and you couldn't rip it.
" Can we talk?" Jack had that innocent look in his eyes, a slight shine to them that only you could see. But yet again you didn't say anything. He nodded and went to close the door, taking your silence as an answer. " How have you been doing?"
" Could be better."
" Oh-okay." It looked like he was uncomfortable. His hands were slightly shaking and twitching, his Kentucky accent coming out stronger and richer. " Uhm, if you want to leave, you can. Not forcing you to stay here."
" Okay." Your short answers were starting to piss him off, but he knew if he truly wanted to talk it out he would need to shut up about it.
" Look, I'm gonna get to the point. I'm sorry, I really am. And-and I missed you. You don't even know-"
" Oh, I don't know? Jack, are you even hearing yourself right now? You left saying you were going to get bored, not me. I spent countless nights crying because of you. You don't get to play the 'I missed you' card here!" There were tears in your eyes, some already teasing you on their way down your cheeks, others blinding your vision with the salty liquid.
" I know, but-"
" Jack, just stop it. You made it clear that day, I don't want to hear it again." And just like the day you read his message, it was starting to get hard to breathe. Your face was flushed, leg bouncing as you tried to take deep breaths.
He noticed right away, pulling you closer to his chest, making you lay there. Your shoulders were shaking, loud sobs escaping your lips.
" Shhh. Remember that ring I made for you back in highschool? What did it say?"
" Forever and always, you and me."
" Exactly-"
" But you didn't keep that promise."
" I know. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." His words sounded encouraging. But your broken heart pieces still lingered. One thing you knew for sure is that you couldn't trust Jack, at least not now.
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