#so we can reunite in Heaven in purer holier forms that are acceptable to you

[yeslordmyking]

I'm so lonely and bored, but the company I want and the hobbies I want to engage in aren't holy, and I don't want to have to repent for doing what I like. I hope the changes my heart need to make come soon and with as little pain as possible.

Put on the new self. Even if you have no idea how not to be the old self anymore..

#I just wanted to be myself. now she has to go away forever and somebody else has to become my new self #someone I don't know. someone I don't feel like I'll enjoy being. someone who's not really real just someone i know I'm supposed to be #someone better. holier. more righteous. more pure. a good example... until that person becomes who I am naturally #a saint. I must become a saint. God will make me do it if I don't willingly die to who I am now. who I've always been #we're not supposed to miss and mourn our less holy selves. but I will #and I'm scared of the spiritually mature woman I have no choice but to become if I am to claim that I love God and want to go to Heaven #maybe this mentality will all be in the past #when i'm old and boring and want Heaven more than I want any future on this evil earth #but right now it feels like death even though I thought I already died when I got baptized. maybe I was still young and foolish then #this is the mature spiritual mindset I should've had when I got baptized but instead I was too caught up thinking I could get what I want #die to your flesh every day brothers and sisters. I guess the phrase 'even if it kills you' makes sense now #I just hope the people I pray for will be saved before the end even if I stop keeping up with them and knowing what to pray over them #at least let me have that Lord. if my life must become a wasteland of what I usually used to love please at least save what I love #so we can reunite in Heaven in purer holier forms that are acceptable to you #yeah... Ok rambling instead of sleeping. #nobody on here cares I scared away all oomf s long time ago... back to lonely full circle. goodnight to myself 🫂♡ #night depression #late night thoughts #oversharing #tmi #christian struggles #personal #random #may it please the Lord