#someone sic marvel on this fucker

[salmonandfox]

...AI bros are something else, especially with their audacity levels. Was just kind of randomly browsing DeviantArt which is RIFE with this shit btw... and uh.

My dude that is literally just Spider-Gwen you cannot sell that.

I mean you're sure trying.

And reporting you to the site isn't gonna do SHIT.

But like aside from the fact that the AI stuff can't be copyrighted, is made of stolen art and is a colossal energy/water sink that is apparently not even currently turning a profit because it's such a shit show...

That's literally just Spider Gwen.

You are trying to sell a MARVEL CHARACTER that you haven't even filed the serial numbers off of, you've basically just slapped a tape strip on and hoped for the best.

((I did absolutely report this bullshit but I mean... it's Deviant Art.))

#ai is dangerous #ai is theft #anti ai art #protect your art #someone sic marvel on this fucker #like what the hell is the audacity level here because man I'm pretty sure its visible from space as this vague toxic looking glow. #screenshot

[sazandorable]

Descriptions Of Lord Asriel That I Cannot Fucking Handle

(spoilers, btw)

So. Surprisingly probably no one ever, it turns out i just Can Not Handle Lord Asriel. I feel personally victimized by Lord Asriel and everything it means about me. I remembered liking him a lot but I never realized how this fucking man apparently shaped my tastes for all male characters and father figures ever. (DISCLAIMER THO: YEAH OK I DO HAVE MY OWN DADDY ISSUES BUT HE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM MY DAD AND UNRELATED TO THEM. Shocking, yes.)

On first rereading attempt I excruciatingly managed to get through the first chapter and finally just stopped there and screamed in a pillow and stepped away to collect myself, and it took me over 6 months to even consider going back to it.

Which I’m doing now, but that means I still had to reread that first chapter again.

And yeah. Y e a h.

Have a collection of my suffering through the first 3 chapters of the first damn book

"Good evening, Wren,” said Lord Asriel. Lyras always heard that harsh voice with a mixture of pleasure and apprehension.

This is the third thing said about Lord Asriel ever and is also where I first lost it back in October and I’m STILL absolutely losing it, WHAT A SENTENCE.

Gods, Lord Asriel explains everything about me and my tastes in character kdfljdkgjldjgfljglfdgjfg DAMN IT.

jesus, every ten lines i need to take a break and calm down

The Butler looked uncomfortable. Guests entered the Retiring Room at the Master’s invitation only, and Lord Asriel knew that;

THIS FUCKER WHO JUST LIKES TO DO WHAT HE WANTS AND MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT IT

Lyra’s uncle moved across to the fire and stretched his arms high above his head, yawning like a lion. He was wearing travelling clothes. Lyra was reminded, as she always was when she saw him again, of how much he frightened her.

that lion simile is totes uncalled for

(Stelmaria:) “You should rest.”

He stretched out in one of the armchairs, so that Lyra could no longer see his face.

“Yes, yes. I should also change my clothes. There’s probably some ancient etiquette that allows them to fine me a dozen bottles for coming in here dressed improperly. I should sleep for three days. The fact remains that —”

He’s snarky and funny and he makes you want to bundle him up under five blankets and he’s still intimidating I hate him so much

“There are only three dozen bottles left of the ‘98.”

“All good things pass away.”

HE SAYS THIS SHIT ABOUT A FUCKING BOTTLE OF WINE (and still intends to drink it)

Then Lord Asriel stood up and turned away from the fire. She saw him fully, and marvelled at the contrast he made with the plump Butler, the stooped and languid Scholars. Lord Asriel was a tall man with powerful shoulders, a fierce dark face, and eyes that seemed to flash and glitter with savage laughter. It was a face to be dominated by, or to fight: never a face to patronize or pity. All his movements were large and perfectly balanced, like those of a wild animal, and when he appeared in a room like this, he seemed a wild animal held in a cage too small for it.

*burrows face in book*

*slowly rolls over and crawls on floor to a cliff from which to throw self off*

Too much. Way too much. What the fuck.

(also please note there has been absolutely zero physical description such as hair or eye color, and yet this is the most eloquent and striking description of any character so far)

He seized her wrist and twisted hard.

“Lyra! What the hell are you doing?”

“Let go of me and I’ll tell you!”

“I’ll break your arm first. How dare you come in here?”

“I’ve just saved your life!”

They were still for a moment, the girl twisted in pain but grimacing to prevent herself from crying out louder, the man bent over her frowning like thunder.

b y e

what the fuck is that last simile oh my god Pullman PLEASE stop making Asriel sound like legit pagan god

There was a knock on the door.

“That’ll be the Porter,” said Lord Asriel. “Back in the wardrobe. If I hear the slightest noise I’ll make you wish you were dead.”

She darted back there at once, and no sooner had she pulled the door shut than Lord Asriel called, “Come in.”

I can’t quite put into words what it is exactly that tickles me so much about the fact that Asriel calls out so fast without giving Lyra any spare time to hide properly, but it does. (He’s a ruthless ass, basically.)

And then I won’t copy that but he basically tells Lyra that he won’t help her but still deliberately makes sure she can see what he’s going to show everyone, he keeps telling her to stay out of this but also decides to show her, knowing full well that she’ll be interested. And of course he enrolls her to be his spy. The amount of misplaced and unexpressed fatherly pride he has to be feeling right now. We get absolutely no hint of it in the text, but. He’s so mad and unkind with her but what he must be FEELING right now, seeing Lyra suddenly wildly jumping out of a wardrobe out of nowhere saving his life like a proper little spying little shit. Like father like daughter lakdklskflanfklsdnf GET OUT ASRIEL AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

As soon as the door closed, Lord Asriel looked across the room directly at the wardrobe, and Lyra felt the force of his glance almost as if it had physical form, as if it were an arrow or a spear. Then he looked away and spoke softly to his dæmon.

ex c u se me. things that are uncalled for, 2: this

She came to sit calmly at his side, alert and elegant and dangerous, her green eyes surveying the room before turning, like his black ones, to the door from the Hall as the handle turned. Lyra couldn’t see the door, but she heard an intake of breath as the first man came in.

“Master,” said Lord Asriel. “Yes, I’m back. Do bring in your guests; I’ve got something very interesting to show you.”

HE’S SO DRAMATIC

WHAT A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SET-UP HE JUST SAT ThERE WaiTING WIth his COFFEE

STOP HIM

THIS IS An ADuLT MAN AND HE JUST DOES THAT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES

And this was just chapter one.

Chapter 2, just a paragraph later:

“Master,” said Lord Asriel. “I came too late to disturb your dinner, so I made myself at home in here. Hello, Sb-Rector. Glad to see you looking so well. Excuse my rough appearance; I’ve only just landed. Yes, Master, the Tokay’s gone. I think you’re standing in it. The Porter knocked it off the table, but it was my fault. Hello, Chaplain. I read your latest paper with great interest...”

He moved away with the Chaplain, leaving Lyra with a clear view of the Master’s face. [...] Lord Asriel was already dominating the room, and although he was careful to be courteous to the Master in the Master’s own territory, it was clear where the power lay.

how does anyone ever handle Lord Asriel in-universe. Also please note how he blithely and pointedly lies to the face of the man who just tried to murder him. This asshole I just

Then he just goes on being as dramatic as possible and pointedly and dramatically ignoring people and showing off a mutilated human head to a bunch of old men with no warning, presumably also just for the shock factor and shits and giggles again.

(Lyra’s narration also mentions quite a few times that she wishes she could see it and wants to hear more about scalping and i also love this child so much)

Lyra looked again at her uncle, who was watching the Scholars with a glitter of sardonic amusement, and saying nothing.

Asriel: *just stands there saying and doing nothing*

Me: *points at him* fuck you

She woke up with a start when someone shook her shoulder.

“Quiet,” said her uncle. The wardrobe door was open, and he was crouched there against the light. “They’ve all gone, but there are still some servants around. Go to your bedroom now, and take care that you say nothing about this.”

“Did they vote to give you the money?” she said sleepily.

“Yes.”

“What’s Dust?” she said, struggling to stand up after having been cramped for so long.

“Nothing to do with you.”

“It is to do with me,” she said. “If you wanted me to be a spy in the wardrobe you ought to tell me what I’m spying about. Can I see the man’s head?”

Pantalaimon’s whiter ermine-fur bristled: she felt it tickling her neck. Lord Asriel laughed shortly.

“Don’t be disgusting,” he said; [...]

He says this but he laughed. Like father like daughter fuck me I bet he’s just so conflictedly delighted that she grew up this way and they got to have this little spying family bonding.

“[...] Do as you’re told and go to bed.”

“But where are you going?”

“Back to the North. I’m leaving in ten minutes.”

“Can I come?”

He stopped what he was doing, and looked at her as if for the first time. His dæmon turned her great green leopard-eyes on her too, and under the concentrated gaze of both of them, Lyras blushed. But she gazed back fiercely.

“Your place is here,” said her uncle finally.

once again Lyra’s direct and completely spontaneous request for Exciting and Adventurer things, but also urgh, urgh, urgh, that gaze, and how Asriel needs a minute to tell her no. He thought about it. He pictured it. And then he said no but she put that thought in his head and he didn’t say no immediately and uhrgikdfhgjfdhjghfkghkdg.

“[...] Do are you’re told and go to bed, and if you’re a good girl I’ll bring you back a walrus tusk with some Eskimo (sic) carving on it. Don’t argue any more or I shall be angry.”

And his dæmon growled with a deep savage rumble that made Lyra suddenly aware of what it would be like to have teeth meeting in her throat.

Lyra compressed her lips and frowned hard at her uncle. He was pumping the air from the vacuum flask, and took no notice; it was as if he’d already forgotten her.

WHAT A GOOD NICE DAD

and this is the end of that but we get a flashback in chapter 3 of Asriel’s visits:

[...] and he called her to stand in front of him and tell him what she’d learned since his last visit. And she would mutter whatever she could dredge up about geometry or Arabic or history or anbarology, and he would sit back with one ankle resting on the other knee and watch her inscrutably until her words failed.

i was just about to yell “WAIT THE THING ABOUT ASRIEL IS JUST BIG DICK ENERGY” but no it’s not just that, it’s definitely also a lot of gratuitous being a bastard.

and then he leads her on with questions about her dirty nails just to make her lie then reveals he saw her playing on the roof, but then instead of chewing her out about it he’s just 

watching her sardonically.

And then he listens to her talking about what parts of the roofs are or aren’t accessible and encourages her to explore the undergrounds.

“I’m surprised you haven’t found that out.”

(fuck you!)

then he gives her pocket money (in gold) and asks her if she respects the Scholars and Stelmaria laughs when Lyra answers ‘yes’ and Lyra blushes.

relatable.

ok that’s it thanks for coming to my TED about how much i love and hate Lord Asriel his terrible parenting and his fucking incredible ideas of family bonding

#aza rereads hdm #lord asriel #dads #empale me on a spear and throw me out to the sea i can't handle this

[witchgloves]

nursie watched punisher! here’s a bunch of decent, coherent thoughts i had about it under a cut! probably don’t read them if you don’t wanna be spoiled

i’ve recently come out of a bit where i went through and marathon’d every marvel movie i could find, including spiderman homecoming but excluding black panther and ragnorak because they were the only movies i couldn’t find. the punisher is my very first foray into the mcu in regards to series-based releases, in addition to my first experience with the punisher, which is to say i’ve literally never read a punisher comic. ever.

the punisher greets us, essentially, the same way incredible hulk did: “hey! you know who this is! here’s a few quick excerpts just in case you don’t!” this is a thing i really, really appreciate the mcu doing with some of their characters. thankfully they haven’t done it in a way that’s left me lost yet, but i uhhhh don’t wanna jinx it

this scene ended in a way that seemed to upset quite a lot of people, though. after frank’s done putting bullets in just about every asshole responsible for killing his family, he takes the vest with his iconic logo and burns it in a trash fire. i don’t actually have the huge objection everyone has with this. frank is done punishing, and he dooms himself afterwards to walk the earth as a husk. at least, he was very happy to do so until some really belligerent mother fuckers toss some poor dude into a pit of wet cement, which invites the interest of a certain precious warehouse-dweller. all the while, an upstart dhs agent knows damn well something shady happened to her partner and is going to find out if it kills her. now, to be completely honest, i enjoyed every single one of these characters. the punisher has a colorful cast, not only in terms of ethnicity but in terms of ideals, personality, values, speech - I was never disappointed to see any of these characters during a cut-away, even during some of the most high octane scenes.

frank and madani were set up separately, with their paths intertwining only a few times during the series up until the end where they eventually realize that they’ve been wanting the same thing with one very big issue keeping them apart - madani wants justice. her faith in the system is only rivaled by her instinct and quick thinking. every time her plans are intercepted, she finds a new way to work around the people subverting her. madani, from the very start of the series, is someone that you cannot hide something from. i adore madani and there are oodles of more wonderful things i could say about her, my only regret is that we didn’t get to hear her speak of her faith, only that of her mother and father, but she was wearing her little hamsa in almost every scene.

i don’t know much of anything about micro from the comics. if i recall correctly, micro was a weapon supplier and probably some sort of hacker. in the netflix series he not only serves as frank’s tech guy (and kind of a supplier. kind of.) but also had the perfect kind of personality for frank castle to bounce off of. david is someone who tries really, really hard to do the right thing, even if that means siccing the punisher on a few people who threatened him and his family. seeing him and frank getting along over meals and talking about their family was not something i expected to see in a grim, gritty, and downright visceral franchise such as the punisher, but it was wholely welcome. 

just one more character, lastly, and because i must, frank fucking castle himself. i have avoided punisher comics for this long, and intended to avoid this series for one reason. i hate frank castle. i think the punisher as a character is just a walking, talking, testosterone disaster who paints a big white skull on his chest because he wants to feel big and cool and scary. fans of the punisher will be happy to know that no major changes are made to his character, to my recollection, but the series is watchable with one simple change. the series does not excuse him for it. david even calls him out on his “macho bullshit” once during the series and even when measuring up to other marines like curtis, billy, or even gunner, frank has a level of reckless machismo that towers over the cast, and is only approached by a few antagonists that died in the first episode. we also see the frank is tortured by either nightmares of war or dreams of his dead family every night. 

the punisher is, without a doubt, an incredibly violent series. nearly every episode is graced with grisly scenes of murder, or torture, or combat, none of which i’m a stranger to in movies. they add onto this with harrowing commentary of subverting justice and life after the iraqi war. the punisher is something i only watched on a whim one day, and it engaged me almost instantly, and now i find myself hoping that whisperings of a second season aren't only whisperings.

#my posts #marvel #mcu