#terrified of everything he does and like all of my ttrauma can be traced back to him but no one will believe me that im being abused

[fleshdyke]

fghsgrf

#my dad is yellinng and slamming doors and there are people on my roof and every time they nail something in i get scared really bad #and im just hiding in the bathroom and im scared out of my fucking mind rn #my hands are shaking so fucking bad and i eish i was anywhere else but here #i dont want to die but i wish i was fucking dead rn i wish i could kill myself temporarily just to prove a fucking point #bc i feel like he forgets im here half the time and im so fucking tired of flinching every time he talks or moves or does fucking anything #i wish my mom was home rn but i feel like she would just be even more disappointed in me and i cant fucking handle that #i wish he would just go and fucking drink until he was friendly again bc im so fucking scared of him when hes sober #and i would bet anything in the world that hes not even going to apologize after hes just gonna pretend it never happened #and i wont be able to do anything bc im too scared of him to do anything about it and im stuck here for the next who knows how many years #i wish my family wasnt broken and i wish it was more broken so somethingc coild be fucking done about it bc im in that sweet spot where im #terrified of everything he does and like all of my ttrauma can be traced back to him but no one will believe me that im being abused #i dont wanr to exist right now i want to just fucking vanish #i wasnt meant to be here i dont belong in this family or this house or this fucking year i belong in the woods #rambles #vent