#the aftereffects of spying on the Dark Forest and then turning on them and witnessing a lot of deaths

[dragoneyes618]

Ivypool stared at her daughter's body. Bristlefrost lay at the edge of the Moonpool, so still, with only the faintest stirring of her gray fur to show that she was breathing.

It shouldn't have been like this. It should have been Ivypool instead.

She shuddered.

"They'll be fine," Tree told her. Tree's son, Rootspring, had also braved the Place of No Stars.

"You don't know that." Ivypool hissed. "You can't know that. You don't remember the Great Battle...."

"The one where you could see the spirits walking the earth?" Tree asked. "So tell me."

Ivypool opened her mouth, but she couldn't speak.

It was always like this, whenever someone asked her about the Dark Forest or the Great Battle. She never spoke to anyone who hadn't lived through it about it. They couldn't understand.

The elders told stories of it-scary stories, the kind no cat was allowed to hear until he or she was at least seven moons old, but the elders told stories nonetheless. Lionblaze had spoken to both of his litters about his experiences. Jayfeather didn't speak to anybody. The warriors would tell their children, or make too-casual references. But Ivypool did none of those.

You spied for us in the Dark Forest! the apprentices always said excitedly whenever they found this out. What was it like? You must have been so brave!

Didn't they understand-no, they couldn't understand, no one could understand-that she hadn't been brave, she'd been terrified, but she'd had no other choice? She'd been sucked into the Dark Forest by her own petty jealousy, like so many others, and once she found out the truth-how could she go on training like nothing was wrong, now that she knew what she was being trained for? And she couldn't simply stop dreaming herself into the Dark Forest. Once the Dark Forest cats had set their sights on you, you could never extricate yourself from their clutches. You couldn't just leave. Beetlewhisker had been proof of that.

Once again, in her mind's eye, she saw Beetlewhisker's body on the muddy ground of the Dark Forest, his neck twisted at an unnatural angle, the fur around his muzzle stained with blood, his wide, terrified eyes staring desperately at her.

"It's not-" she tried to tell Tree, but she couldn't.

She'd attacked Flametail. Well, his spirit, but wasn't it the same thing? And then Tigerstar-Tigerheart, then-had jumped in front of her, blocking her, refusing to let what was left of his brother be destroyed, and ironically, this was what had cemented her loyalty to the Dark Forest, as far as its residents were concerned. Even Hawkfrost had said so.

Hawkfrost.

He'd been so kind at first, so understanding. He said he knew what it was like to have a sibling who was always better than you. He said he could teach her new hunting and fighting skills, so at least she could be better than Dovepaw in something...

She remembered his ice-blue eyes as he'd tried to kill her, any trace of warmth that had ever been there gone-it hadn't been there in the first place, had it? She remembered the pain of a hundred small wounds-

She remembered Hollyleaf's broken body lying on the ground, her blood almost invisible against her ebony fur, her breathing raspy as she strained to speak to her kin in her last moments.

Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost, fighting in a blur of fur and claws, almost indistinguishable from one another, a crack and a gasp and an exhausted brown figure staggering away from another one collapsed on the ground-

And a single, terrifying moment as, in the dim light, she could not tell which one had won.

Antpelt's body, lying on the ground as his blood soaked the earth of the Dark Forest, his eyes angry, sad, scared, his fur in her claws, his blood in her mouth. She had killed him. He was already dead, yes, but had he gone to the Dark Forest after he died because he deserved to go there or only because he had died there?

And she had killed him.

It kept her up at nights.

For a long time after the Great Battle she had been afraid to sleep at all. Sometimes Jayfeather had given her poppy seeds-if she was in a deep enough sleep, she couldn't dream herself into the Dark Forest, right? Other times she had simply slept in the medicine den, trusting that Jayfeather would sense if the Dark Forest visited her.

She hadn't known yet then that he'd lost his powers.

But the Dark Forest had never come back.

Until now.

The Dark Forest was treacherous, unholy, generations of cats' nightmares made flesh, home to the worst cats ever to walk the earth.

And she had let her daughter go in there.

Tree was still waiting for an answer, she realized.

"It was terrifying," she managed, but that alone brought up a whole slew of memories: Sorreltail's kits covered in their mother's blood, Firestar collapsing as Tigerstar faded, a flaming tree toppling down from the heavens like a brand from StarClan. "ThunderClan alone-we lost six cats, including our leader. The other Clans-combined, we lost more than twenty cats. Each Clan has a memorial to them. I can tell you their names." She knew the name of every single cat who had died in the Great Battle.

She had trained with many of them, in the Dark Forest. The Dark Forest trainees had been disproportionately targeted by the Dark Forest-the ones who had fought on the side of the Clans, anyway. The Dark Forest did not take betrayal lightly. However, all the Dark Forest trainees of ThunderClan had survived that terrible night, perhaps because their Clan was lucky enough to have the Three.

Dark Forest cats had died in the battle, too. Not nearly as many dead as the Clans had lost, of course. And of course, a few Clan cats, like Redwillow, had joined the Dark Forest upon their deaths. But Hawkfrost, Brokenstar, and Tigerstar were all definitely dead. Lionblaze had said he'd kill Shredtail.

She didn't know what other Dark Forest cats, if any, had died. The Clans had been too busy mourning their many dead to compare notes for a while, and when they finally had, it had been with problems of the living.

But she wished she knew for sure which cats her daughter might be facing. Mapleshade, Sparrowfeather, Snowtuft, Thistleclaw...

Of course, if any of them realized that Bristlefrost was her daughter, she was probably as good as dead.

I should have gone with her.

Then they would know who Bristlefrost was immediately. They would probably kill Bristlefrost just to torment her.

I should have gone instead of her.

What sort of mother let her kit put herself into danger that she herself had experienced?

What kind of mother was she?

Bristlefrost was young and naive and idealistic. She had no idea, no idea...

She should have given her more advice, told her more about the Dark Forest. She should have told her all about it, how to find her way around, notable landmarks-like the woodpile, or the river-or which cats to avoid-everyone.

I should have gone instead of her...

She wished Fernsong was here.

She wished Dovewing was here.

She wished Whitewing was here.

She wished she was a kit again, three moons old and completely, blessedly oblivious to the world outside the ThunderClan camp or why Dovekit was always able to find her when they played hide-and-seek.

She took a step toward the Moonpool, but she felt cold and her legs began to shake so hard she had to sit down.

"Are you all right?" Tree asked, looking concerned, but she didn't answer.

The Dark Forest was closer to the Clans now than it had been in moons, and she was terrified.

The Three had no powers to help them now. And StarClan was gone.

She should have gone instead of Bristlefrost. What kind of mother let her own daughter put herself in danger in her stead?

But every time she thought of the Place of No Stars she remembered tall, bare trees, and a rotting woodpile, and a viscous, filthy river, and eyes and claws lurking in the ever-present shadows under the starless sky, ready to pounce on you at the first sign of weakness-

And she couldn't.

And so she let her own daughter enter the Dark Forest, knowing full well what Bristlefrost was going to face, and did nothing.

Like a coward.

#ivypool #bristlefrost #tree #tree warriors #the place of no stars #dark forest #the dark forest #the great battle #the aftereffects of spying on the Dark Forest and then turning on them and witnessing a lot of deaths #warrior cats