#the story of how old Russ Dhaalgondt finally got the D after 13 years

[thefoodwiththedood]

TMI Tuesday: Yo, Russ. Re: the thing with Pat. First off, man, high fives. Second, how did that come about?

Its TMI Tuesday! Invade my muse with personal questions!

(This is gonna be very long and very NSFW, so I’m putting it under a cut. Also, Pat’Oni Bessiil belongs to @deer-head-xiris, so they’re half to blame for this one)

Hes: “Yeah, Russie, how did that cum about? What led the evening to that climax? It’s semen like you had a load of fun, so why not tell us abo—“

Russoc: “Hes, I’m gonna have to stop you right there, if I hear one more pun tonight someone’s getting shot. Besides, I think you should be the one to start this story—you made it happen, after all,”

Hes: “Oh yeah, I did! ‘Ight, so, little background for you guys—’bout a week ago I met Pat Bessiil at their little traveling ramen shop, not expectin’ to get much besides a nice lunch. Well, blahblahblah, some semantics and flirting later, we were doin’ the do—and whoo boy, that Pat knows their stuff. I dunno where or how they learned their, shall we say, ‘cunning linguistics’, but they had me goin’ like—”

Russoc: *clears throat*

Hes: “Oh, right, your story—well yeah, so after I got with Pat, I thought ‘ey, you know who could use a good time? Russoc! The guy probably hasn’t had a good nut in over a decade,’”

Russoc: “Hey!”

Hes: “What, it’s true! So yeah, I decided I’d try and set ‘em up, at least for a night ‘a fun, nothin’ too serious,”

Russoc: “And, in your particular fashion, you made a complicated ruse out of it,”

Hes: “Ey man, would you have expected anythin’ less? So yeah, my plan went like this: I ordered some take-out from Pat’s place one night—they were totally in on it too, by the way—and I sent Russ to go pick it up. Actually, I think that’s where you’d pick it up, buddy,”

Russoc: “Right, yeah. So I went into town to grab the food, and lo and behold, Pat’s on me from the second I walk in. I already knew from Hes’ ‘encounter’ with them that they can be pretty flirty—I was there when Hes mysteriously disappeared into the back room with Pat for an hour—but I could tell they were especially ‘in the mood’ tonight. Everything from their outfit to the way they talked told me they were coming onto me—and after I remembered Hes specifically asked me to pick up the food, I realized she’d set something up,”

Hes: “Aww, man, is it that easy to tell? I thought this was a good plan!”

Russoc: “Well, I’ll give you that it worked, but yes, it was painfully obvious. So yeah, I’m just sitting there waiting for Pat to ring me up, not reciprocating their flirting much, until finally I can see them starting to get confused—I guess they’re not used to their charms failing. So finally I just said I knew something was up, and that’s when they dropped the sham altogether. They apologized, said they didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable, all that—really, it was rather sweet how genuine they were behind the promiscuity,”

Hes: “Yeah man, it’s a fact: people who get around as much as Pat and I are generally super cool on the inside. But wait, though, if the flirting didn’t work, how’d you two start—”

Russoc: “I’m getting to it, don’t worry. Thing is, it did work—really well, at that. In truth, as you so eloquently put it, I really haven’t been, uh, ‘satisfied’ without Zolovau. I knew it would never be a substitute for him, but what Pat was offering me was exactly what I needed—satisfaction. So I just set my hand on their shoulder to quiet them down, and as seductively as I could, I said, ‘let’s do it,’”

Hes: “ATTA’ BOY, RUSSIE! So I take it they helped show ya a fun time?

Russoc: “Oh, you have no idea. It could just be that I was pent up after all this time, but we made it to I think Round Eight before either of us got tired. And, my god, they gave some of the best head I’ve ever gotten,”

Hes: “Yeah man, Pat knows how to turn mouth stuff from an appetizer into a main course. Speakin’ a man-meat, though, what’d you think when they brought out their…their, uh,…”

Russoc: “Is ‘gigantic cock’ the word you’re looking for, perchance?”

Hes: “I wanted to say somethin’ more punny, but yeah, that. I noticed you were walkin’ kinda wonky the day after, so I take it they didn’t pull any punches,”

Russoc: “Not a one, man. It’s already been a day and I’m still a little sore—what can I say, though, I’m a glutton for punishment. And I did ruin their sheets and partially destroy their bed frame, so I suppose it’s only fair they leave me with a little parting gift, too”

Hes: “Amen to that, man, rough sex is good sex. So what do you think, big guy—was this good enough to finally put you back on the horse?”

Russoc: “Well, not even Pat’s massive tentaschlong can compare to my Zolo, nor could anything…but, given the opportunity, I suppose I could do something like this again,”

Hes: “HELL YEAH, that’s my boy! Y’all hear that—Russoc Dhaalgondt is single an ready to mingle! He loves long walks on the beach, romantic dinners, fighting the empire, getting railed in the a—”

Russoc: “OKAY, well, hopefully that’s a good explanation of the story—now I’m gonna cut this off before Hes tries to set me up with every eligible bachelor in the Inner Rim”

Hes: “OH, that reminds me, he’s also a big fan of rimjo—”

Russoc: “ALRIGHT WE’RE DONE”

#star wars oc #my ocs #rekkingcrew #TMI Tuesday #Russoc Dhaalgondt #Hes Chaddic #other people's OCs #pat'oni bessiil #there ya go Rek #the story of how old Russ Dhaalgondt finally got the D after 13 years #truly a tale for the ages #also a special thanks to @deer-head-xiris for their amazing art #and all the talking and brainstorming we did about this #situation #what a blessed smut-filled weekend it was