#the trenchcoat carried that entire fit not gonna lie man

[kfrances]

ivy! (from @lackadaisycats)

#fanart #lackadaisy ivy pepper #this is more 1940s but it's ok. let me live #tavin was telling me to draw her in the bladerunner deckard outfit and i was like ok and i looked it up and it was so rancid #the trenchcoat carried that entire fit not gonna lie man

[ariyadaivaris]

five sets of stairs that would be vastly improved by me shoving drew gulak down them

the world is full of many steps that do good work every day providing a way to reach higher altitudes should you be given the opportunity to use them. however, they are also good for reaching low altitudes, and, in the name of innovation, i’ve decided to propose we improve on this low-altitude-reaching technology even further, by making it quicker, and entirely at the expense of drew gulak. here are five impressive stairs that would become legendary were they to be graced by the bullying, by me, of drew gulak: 

1. The Brief But Undeniably Intimidating Stairs Of The Winchester Mystery House

the stairs of the winchester mystery house certainly live up to the manor’s name, because no, they don’t actually go anywhere, they just hit the ceiling and stop. there’s an allure to their weird house of leaves style internal logic! who would be able to resist going up a few steps? certainly not me. and certainly not local Complete Fucking Dweeb, drew gulak. 

while he is inspecting the walls, and the steps themselves, i will be waiting patiently for the moment he steps back down. i will be crouched on the stairs in wait. he is going to trip over me, and i will instantly wither and die upon touching that accursed man but it will be worth it because soon enough the winchester mystery house will have one more mystery to add to its impressive collection, which is, Where Did This Chalk Outline Of Andrew Gulak Come From, and What Necessitated It? it is simply what’s best for business, and what is best for the world’s peace of mind, knowing that drew gulak has been sufficiently destroyed.  

2. The Admirably Claustrophobic Flørli Stairs

someone had the power to veto the creation of these stairs. to say, “no. not today. surely there must be a better way to go about this, at the very LEAST we could put some space between our systems of pipes and probably hydraulics and these steps. there has to be another way.” 

but the overseers of this project never gave up on their dream. no, in a testament to the human drive to forge onwards, to carry on, to continue on until we’ve come out of our work victorious, the overseers of this project saw it through to its steep, stifled, sadistic end, and they will forever have my gratitude, because i am going to haul drew gulak’s fucked up concave butter bean ass up those steps with false promises of a “take back your life” seminar awaiting him at the top, and then i am going to punt drew gulak down these unforgiving stairs like he is nothing more than a nerf brand football. 

3. A Stepladder That I Bought At Home Depot For A Disappointing But Ultimately Worthwhile Price

these safety steps i definitely own, and do not own only when it is best for comedic effect; these extremely real and existent stairs have sat in my garage gathering dust for what feels like millennia. oh, woe be these tiny baby steps. they serve no purpose to me, not in THIS millennial market, where i don’t do anything but slather avocado butter between pages of newsprint and dm the president of antifa pictures of like, i don’t know, lolcats or whatever thinkpieces think is most scathing over my smartphone. in this modern age, these steps need to be re-imbued with purpose. with VERVE. with droplets of drew gulak’s blood. 

and oh, oh, fortunately, these dinky little steps have one redeeming quality, which is that i can indeed promise drew gulak he will be more visible on top of them, and thus, able to give better presentations in the middle of this wrestling show that he works in wherein he is meant to be wrestling. this will give me the opportunity i need to watch him climb to the top before sweeping his ankles out from beneath him and watching his jaw hit the pathetic excuse for a handrail and just snap entirely in half like a kitkat bar. i will invest in anything; if it means drew gulak gets bullied, then i consider it money responsibly spent. 

4. Morocco’s Unearthly Stairway To Heaven Art Installation

this stairway to heaven (Himmelstreppe) serves no functional purpose, beyond maybe a dual purpose as a sundial, but it IS a very cool art piece in the middle of morocco. the first of a trifecta of such art pieces, actually, senior to the Goldene Spirale and the Stadt des Orion. how fitting, how touching, that wait hold on holy shit i was gonna say how thematically faux-resonant that the eldest of the gold standard be shoved unceremoniously down these stairs, but actually drew gulak’s only 30 and tony nese is 32. ariya daivari is 28 years old. drew gulak is ONLY 30 YEARS OLD??? that...that can’t be right. how can this be. he’s practically an infant. what the fuck. i mean i’m still gonna shove him down these stairs but jesus i need to lie down for a bit i think

5. The Iconic And Infamously Cinematic Steps Of East High School’s Cafeteria

now hold on. i know what you’re thinking. “but buzz, this is a silly joke entry that is only a silly joke!” okay, first, i don’t appreciate your tone or your lack of faith in my honesty and devotion to making good posts on the internet. i appreciate it as much as i appreciate my muscle memory convincing me to type “tony” instead of “tone” five consecutive times just now, which is to say, Not At All. 

secondly, LOOK at these stairs, though. not only do they have a powerful aura of Rude And Uncouth Behavior, courtesy of hit disney film franchise High School Musical, but the geometry of these stairs is such that if you fall down them, you are almost guaranteed to run your forehead into some weird modern high-tech architecture shit. there are so many railings. so many slopes. so, so very many panes of glass. 

drew gulak calls himself The Human Torture Device, but next to these, it is even more embarrassingly apparent that he is just a bunch of uncooked spaghetti noodles in a trenchcoat, and he will shatter the moment you tap his shoulder and send him down these mercilessly cruel high school steps. this...THIS is what comes of your no-fly zone, drew. we’re soaring. you’re flying. there’s not a step on this staircase that your remarkably breakable nose can’t reach. 

in conclusion, i intend to help expand on the technology we have to de-elevate people by shoving drew gulak down as many flights of stairs as we can, and collecting information on stairs, his reaction to them, and how breakable his various bones are, for future use when i sell these secrets to the other members of the 205 live roster. i don’t ask for much. i don’t even ask for cash. all i ask is a promise that this information will be used to bully that block of philadelphia cream cheese until we, as a people, can all unite to shove this twerp into a locker like he deserves. thank you for your time. 

#205 live #drew gulak #long post - #you would not believe the hell i have been through trying to write this fucking post guys #q