#there’s sth about knowing that at any given moment you’re the dumbest ugliest and least interesting person in the room

[szczylpierdolony]

suicide is so unnecessarily dramatic and for what

#bc i think hanging is my best option #but idk it feels like such an annoying thing bc then someone finds you and it’s a whole thing #i just wanna be dead and for my body to disintegrate #and i wish i was never born bc so far it’s just been 20 years of being achtelt aware something is wrong with me and i can never fix it #there’s sth about knowing that at any given moment you’re the dumbest ugliest and least interesting person in the room #and that everything you do always feels like a bad imitation of others #the way you talk or dress or move feels wrong and everyone can tell #also i think i’m gonna start starving myself again #bc i can’t stand the way i look and food makes me feel gross and i hate the feeling of a full stomach it’s so fucking disgusting #and all i ever think abt when i eat is if i’m gonna gain weight anyway so it’s not like there’s mental stability to lose #and there’s no break to this either bc every single interaction i have with anyone just makes me feel worse no matter who #it’s the worst at uni bc everyone is cool and smart and going somewhere and i’m not #and yeah i’m not the only one who’s mentally i’ll but everyone is still somehow able to be prepared for class and have a relationship #and go out and meet with friends and work #and i can’t do anything but lay in bed and cry and it’s not fair idc #and nothing brings me any joy anymore i don’t draw and reading is tiring and i can’t get up to do any japanese practice #idk if i just wish this could end