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fruitymocha · 11 months

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Bloody Daydreams

Retro High School/Yandere Reader AU

Chapter 2: Sweet Berries

Masterlist

Featuring: gn!Reader x Aether, guest starring Lumine, Paimon, Diluc, and Noelle (Scara will get his time to shine soon dw)

Warnings: very slight yandere tendencies (only really towards the end of the chapter), reader is still a pessimistic insecure loser (but less obviously insecure in this chapter), reader drops an f bomb (not at anyone)

A/N: wassup guys. So I guess y’all kinda liked chapter one, so here’s chapter two, finally! Yeah, I know Scara isn’t in this chapter, but don’t worry, he’ll be back for chapter three. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

Only the sweetest of berries in your desserts

Everything after home room was largely uneventful or straight up annoying. No one likes having to do “ice breakers” or introduce themselves. I’d honestly rather be alone, and I’m sure some other students share my sentiment.

In any case, my day isn’t over yet. Somehow I was able to fake it until I made it by acting suitable enough for my part time job at the local diner, Stardust Diner.

Obviously I’m not the only worker from Teyvat High. My co-workers from Teyvat High are Diluc and Noelle. Noelle does a lot of the heavy lifting in the back but also does table-waiting when we’re understaffed. Meanwhile Diluc specializes in drink making. The milkshakes he makes are always delicious. No wonder everyone in Teyvat High comes here to hang out every day of the week.

As for me? I’m a waiter mostly, but I sometimes go to the kitchen and make the desserts. Sundaes are a classic favorite, as are cake slices and pie slices.

I was helping Noelle with our recent shipment of berries when the bell rings. After placing the last box in the back, I went to see if anyone I knew had come in, and lo and behold: the three new kids. Lumine and Aether, along with the middle school genius who skipped to high school, Paimon. All sitting on the booths. Lumine, however, decided to come to the bar and made eye contact with me.

“Can I help you?” I asked, doing my best to hide my awkwardness.

“I remember you from home room. I didn’t know you worked at Stardust Diner,” she said coolly.

“How else am I supposed to earn my own money?” I shrugged.

“Fair enough. Anyway, we’re ready to order,”

“Will do. I’ll just get my notepad…” and before I knew it, Lumine had hopped off the bar and got back to the table where Aether and Paimon sat.

She’s cool.

Definitely cooler than me.

But I couldn’t let that distract me. I grabbed a pen and notepad, and mentally prepared to take their orders.

When I approached the table, I put on my best smile, though it still probably looked awkward.

“Welcome to Stardust Diner, what can I start you out with this afternoon?”

Lumine went first.

“I’ll have a cola,”

regular cola

“I want a chocolate milkshake!” Paimon said excitedly.

choc milkshake

Aether, meanwhile, seemed to struggle a bit.

“Um, I’m not really sure what to try. Do you have any recommendations?” He smiled shyly

My heart skipped a beat, and I had to refrain from smiling too much over this.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally freaking out in my mind, but this is work for crying out loud. Professionalism.

But I only really had one drink in mind that wouldn’t leave me alone

“Well, I don’t know your drink preferences, but my go-to is always the root beer float. It’s a classic,”

“Then I’ll have a root beer float,” Aether nodded.

root beer float

“I’ll be back with those drinks” I said, nodding shyly.

Sure, I was at work, but I couldn’t help but let Aether occupy my thoughts. Even if only for a moment.

And then I got to the back and found Diluc.

“Hey Diluc, if you’re not busy, I got three drink orders. One cola, one chocolate milkshake, one root beer float,” I said. The redhead simply nodded and went to find the vanilla ice cream in the fridge.

Everything went as normal, and I served the drinks.

“Thanks,” Lumine said

“Wow it looks delicious!” Paimon said.

“Thank you, Y/N,” Aether said with his sweet smile. I watched Aether sip the root beer float, and he seemed to enjoy it. You were happy.

“You’re welcome. Are you all ready to order?”

~*~

Everyone ordered burgers, and they seemed to be enjoying their food. Meanwhile, one of the bullies of Teyvat High was getting on my ass because the jukebox was broken. So I tried to see what was up.

While I was troubleshooting, the jukebox chose a song, but kept looping on the word “love”. I could hear a chuckle from behind me. It was Aether.

“That’s a funny word to loop on, isn’t it~?” He lightly teased.

“Stupid jukebox, trying to be lovey dovey…” I grumble shyly, trying to stop the loop.

“What’s wrong with being lovey dovey?” Aether chuckled. Oh archons, his laugh is so sweet and silvery…

“I-…well…it’s cheesy,” I said lamely.

“Well, personally, I think being lovey dovey is sweet,” Aether looked right in my eyes.

“…hopeless romantic, huh?” I asked him, still working on the jukebox.

“Maybe just a bit,”

“…I don’t blame you,” I said. Soon I got pissed at the jukebox. “Why won’t this work?” I grumbled.

“Can I try?” Aether asked.

“No, you’re a customer,”

“Please? It’ll be quick,” he pleaded with me.

“I can’t allow it,”

I saw Lumine walk over, a firm look in her eyes.

“Alright, get out of the way,”

“Lumine?! what are you-?”

She fucking kicked the jukebox on the side, and it started working again.

“What the…”

“I’ve dealt with broken jukeboxes before,” Lumine said, as if she didn’t just attack the jukebox like it had insulted her bloodline.

“…You can sit back down now,” I told them both, still in shock.

“And I will be enjoying every minute of those cheesy love songs,” Aether lightly teased.

“Alright…let me know if you need anything,” I said, defaulting back to my customer service lines.

Aether nodded, sitting back down. Lumine approached me, however.

“…maybe we can…hang out sometime?”

“…yeah, I’m free on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.” I said.

“Cool. Meet me after school on Wednesday. By the courtyard.”

“Sure thing,” I agreed.

And so, I went back to work, amazed by this new development. I’m making friends…

~*~

After they finished their meals, they opted for a round of dessert.

“Let’s have some ice cream” Lumine suggested.

“I want chocolate!” Paimon said excitedly.

“Vanilla for me” Lumine said coolly.

“…I think I’ll have strawberry,” Aether said sweetly.

I took note of it and went to prepare it.

I scooped chocolate ice cream for Paimon, drizzling chocolate sauce on top and putting a maraschino cherry on top.

I did the same for Lumine.

With Aether’s, I got a little creative. I picked out the most delicious looking strawberries and mixed it in with the ice cream, put the chocolate sauce, and chose the perfect cherry to put on top.

“Only the sweetest of berries for you…” I whispered to myself. Then I snapped out of it. I’m at work after all. I walk out there and deliver the ice cream to the trio. When I put Aether’s ice cream on the table, he looked up and smiled at me.

“Thank you, Y/N,”

“Of course,” I said, as is appropriate for my job. “Enjoy,”

And then I went back behind the counter to help my fellow coworkers.

~*~

The rest of my shift was uneventful, but I felt inexplicably joyful when I thought of Aether. He was so sweet and precious and…yes, pretty too.

Was this love? If so, it was exhilarating. I want more of it. I want more of this feeling. I want to be closer to Aether… I really do.

And I can’t wait to see him in class tomorrow.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin au #genshin aether #genshin scaramouche #genshin wanderer #genshin aether x reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #yandere reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin au #bloody daydreams

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quodekash · 1 year

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An Analysis of Soren (and maybe other stuff too)

(sorry for bad photo quality that will inevitably come up)

I feel like people have said/thought that it took his father betraying everything and all the stuff that happened to him in seasons 1-3 for soren to properly be a good person (if no one’s thought or said that ever… I’m here to prove it wrong anyway). But I would like to say that soren has always always ALWAYS been a good person. He just didn’t realise he was on the wrong team.

(ID: A photo of a paused moment in The Dragon Prince. Subtitles say “They’re here” (assassins are here to kill the king). Callum is in the middle of the image, and behind him is Soren, who is holding his shoulder defensively. End ID.)

Assassins came to kill the king, and his immediate reaction? Protect the only person in this room who can’t defend himself in a fight. And I know Soren’s a crownguard so it’s like part of his job, but Callum’s not blood royalty (as Soren often points out) and he still protects him. And I have a feeling he’d do that for anyone at all, he’d see danger, assess the people in the room, and immediately defend those who can’t defend themselves.

soren always felt like his dad didn’t treat him right (one day I’ll make an entire post on this alone cos there’s so much to talk about there), but he probably thought neglect was normal, or made excuses for V*ren.

Soren is kind to everyone, no matter their gender, race, age, social status, whatever. Yeah, he bullies Callum but, as he says, Callum had a good dad and Soren never did (again, I’ll talk about this another time), so Soren projected it on to Callum, which is no one’s fault (except for V*ren). Yeah, he hates Rayla and elves when they first meet, but that’s bc a) he’s been taught all his life that elves are the enemy, b) he thought rayla had kidnapped Ez and Callum, c) they killed his king, and d) he just didn’t know any better. And yeah he annoys his sister a lot but that’s his job and he shows how much he ultimately cares about her (he was ready to flipping k!ll Callum cos he thought he’d hurt Claudia)

he is kind, and good, and noble, and doesn’t get enough credit for it, isn’t appreciated for his pure and lovely heart.

That was the… “Soren is a good person” segment. Now we’re on to the “holy bajoolies Soren is impressive” segment.

and it’s something that I’ve never properly understood. He’s literally a crownguard at 18. He’s above all the guards in Katolis, yet he’s barely an adult. Everyone else would surely be like 25-40 (idk if that’s historically accurate, don’t quote me on that) with years more experience and stuff than Soren has, and he’s higher up than all of them (note: and he still treats them all the same way he treats everyone else: with kindness).

But why is he crownguard? Is it because his dad is influential to the king? Maybe, but he’s a very very skilled swordsman, and it seems like the other guards genuinely respect him. And I can’t see Harrow showing any kind of favouritism, (remember the Lady Justice dream). So that means he genuinely earned that place somehow, and there probably would’ve been more than physical tests but also mental tests to make sure he’s smart enough to like know who to trust and when to expect an attack at unexpected times and everything else being crownguard would entail. Which means Soren is not only more talented and brave and skilled than anyone gives him credit for, but he’s also so much smarter than anyone ever acknowledges.

(ID: Soren from The Dragon Prince. Text says “Soren” and underneath in smaller text, “youngest crownguard in history”. End ID.)

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cricketrocker · 1 year

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Remembering to Remember, All the Memory Utility of a Bag of Hammers, and World's Stubborn Spin Just Anyway

I concede that my memory is often starting to resemble a bag of hammers. Sure I can still remember the lyrics to Tears for Fears’ Sowing the Seeds of Love, but if you asked me why I was so glad it was Friday, I really don’t think I could remember and tell you all the things this week that made me want to eat broken glass. But yeah. “He had all the memory prowess of a bag of hammers,” I can see someone saying about me after I logged out of my last Zoom meeting and decided to eat 40 Chicken McNuggets in an effort of self-medication with Hot Mustard sauce to death.

Lately, though, I think that the bag of hammers has me beat(en). Maybe all of us.

youtube

I’ll come out and say it. I’m talking about all of us, but also me. But I’m talking about how well our memories seem to work in the clatter-clatter-hammer collective amnesia since whenever the last f-ing mass shooting rocked us wherever we were happening to exist at the moment, maybe not remembering at all to remember the last f-ing mass shooting that clatter-clatter-hammered our bag of hammer rememberer organs. Mostly mass shootings. Maybe how I can remember Sandy Hook like it was yesterday because my son was exactly the same age. But maybe anything as well that’s like a shooting but keeps happening anyway and no one does anything. America. Forgetters.

I remember exactly where I was (Eisenhower Middle School) and what class I was in (Mrs. Davis’ 7th Grade Language Arts) and who I was sitting next to (Jennifer Davis—who was nice, but looked like an owl—and always “loaned” me paper even though I had my own) when another teacher (Mr. Pabst, the Physical Science Teacher) RAN IN and exclaimed, “IT EXPLODED, IT EXPLODED!” and he ran out and we turned on the TV and watched the space shuttle explode over and over. Somehow, I’ll bet everyone remembers that. But then when the shuttle blew up, and the next shuttle blew up a few years later, etc.—I couldn’t tell you who or where or what, but I guess sometimes shuttles blow up and whatever, what can we do, thoughts and prayers… The first space shuttle blowing up left us stunned, shocked, and proclaiming in a chorus, "IT EXPLODED! IT EXPLODED!" But the one after and after and after…meh. I’ve got things to do.

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But the world kept turning. Then Sandy Hook happened eventually, and I know they’re not the same, but the world kept turning as regular as clockwork, “THIS IS NOT NORMAL! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! THIS IS HORRIBLE! and all of our combined communal outrage flared up for a while, but then somehow just got packed up, and thrown like a fragile piece of glassware into the burlap-gunny-sack-attic-mixed-metaphor bag of our minds along with all the hammers only to be dusted in broken pieces for the next exploded space shuttle, or the next “you think that’s bad? Hold my beer!” tragic moment. That we can’t do anything about. Despite being able to build Artificial Intelligences that, and yes, I just asked, will tell us what our Zero Intelligences can’t figure out:

Prompt: Hey, what should humans do about mass shootings.

Answer: Addressing the issue of mass shootings is a complex task that requires multifaceted solutions. It is a pressing problem and involves not just gun control, but also mental health, socio-economic factors, and even our culture and societal norms. Here are several approaches that will help humans:

Strengthening Gun Control Laws, or Actually Have Any: Countries with stricter gun control laws have fewer gun-related deaths. Some good laws include comprehensive background checks for all gun sales, banning or limiting access to assault-style weapons, and implementing laws that prevent people with a history of domestic violence or individuals with restraining orders from acquiring guns.

Mental Health Support, Especially Support to Take Away Guns from People With Mental Health Problems: Improved access to mental health services can help identify and treat potential issues before they manifest as violence. This includes reducing the stigma associated with seeking mental health treatment and ensuring that insurance companies provide coverage for these services. A good way to prevent people with mental health issues from accomplishing mass shootings is to have gun control laws.

Public Awareness and Education: Public education about the dangers of firearms, how to safely store and handle them, and recognizing signs of mental distress in others can all be helpful.

Research and Data: For too long, research on gun violence has been underfunded and politicized. More comprehensive research could help inform policy decisions and identify the most effective strategies for reducing gun violence. Simply create a database that tracks everything, all the time. Every bullet, every person, every gun, every day. I'm sure the data will be shocking.

Community Intervention Programs: Programs that identify individuals at risk of violence – and intervene with counseling, social support, flat out prison, or even--you know--not allowing people who are at risk of violence the ability to buy guns. Somehow, studies show that preventing violent people from shooting people results in less people being shot.

Crisis Management Resources: Having robust (or any) systems in place for managing and deescalating crises can prevent these situations from leading to mass shootings. This includes crisis intervention training for law enforcement and other first responders, as well as strong school and workplace policies for handling threats or incidents of violence.

Policy Change: Having a Soul, Any sense of Humanity, and maybe even Strong political will and leadership is needed to make and implement policies that can effect short or long-term change. This will involve measures to flat out limit the availability of firearms, implement stricter controls on gun sales, improve mental health services, or a combination of these and other strategies.

Cultural Shift: Ultimately, a cultural shift is necessary in how we perceive and handle conflict, and how we value and protect life. This isn't a quick or easy change, but it's an important part of the conversation.

Any effective approach will likely need to involve a combination of these and other tactics. At the end of the day, reducing mass shootings will require collective effort, meaningful conversations, and evidence-based policy decisions.

I mean. I’m sure that these responses alone will likely lead most Republicans to effectively start regulating (or shooting) AI—and fast! I don’t mean to get all political here, because really—the problem is larger than people, maybe. But you have to admit that no one ever shot anyone with a machine gun who didn’t have a machine gun. Even a person with mental health issues literally could not shoot people with a machine gun if he/she/they didn’t have a machine gun. I’m not really here to discuss guns, though.

I’m here to discuss that not 10 miles from my home, in Allen, Texas a few weeks ago, sure, another shooting of people by another person who probably would have just mental-healthed all those people to death if he hadn’t had a machine gun. But yeah. Here’s what I’m talking about. I’ve forgotten most of the details already. Just like I’ve forgotten most of the details of Sandy Hook. I feel existential dread of all kinds. But I feel the most dread that—since Sandy Hook—all the way to Allen—that our collective Bag’o’Hammers memory, well, can’t remember. Holy hell.

When I was a kid, I got my face stuck into a cactus plant.

The memory of that pain and trauma—is still with me. I still avoid cacti and I don’t find cactus humor amusing. That moment changed me, it changed my behaviors, it changed the paths I follow in the wilderness when there are cacti about. And I can point to what happened in Allen, Texas—and I can point to Sandy Hook. And the thing is, I don’t remember those very well. What about all of the thousands, literally thousands in between that I cannot remember. That you don’t remember. That there’s someone remembering. Or precisely no one, remembering to remember.

Not sure what you’re thinking. At all. Cricket, you say—maybe are you saying that we’re forgetting or are you saying that we’re just moving on—or are you trying to call people to action? Get to the point! I don’t know, really. Just feel guilty that I have agency and that my memory is faulty, except about Tears for Fears lyrics. I deleted the news applications off of my phone recently, I couldn’t handle it anymore. LOOK—MORE THINGS TO REMEMBER BUT ONLY UNTIL TOMORROW. I drink my morning coffee and fizzy juice and it’s like…I’m more aware that Dilbert got kicked out of the newspaper each day than I am about the last mass shooting victims because today’s paper has simply introduced me to the latest round of mass shootings to forget by tomorrow.

It’s kind of like just reading the statistics of a professional sports season—only the season is never ending. I love baseball, for example. During baseball season, I follow all the standings, scores, stats, etc. I can KEEP TRACK of things in those stats that help me to remember things. But imagine if baseball season never, ever ended, it was just more and more stats, always piling up, the standings of death, the stats of shooting, the scores of which machine guns were killing the most people, and maybe each shooter could get a special “mental health batting average” or something—and we could all just collectively keep track. That might help with the forgetting.

Here are some things that I know. They will not be immediately evident. It’ll be like watching the movie Linoleum, starring Jim Gaffigan, which is literally amazing. But consider this: my great-grandfather mined coal. My great-great-grandmother was quasi-orphaned before that, and raised by a family called the Graves’. She took the name Graves, and no one knows who her parents were before that. There’s so much that I do not know about my other ancestors. But. I know that one mined coal.

I’m here on a badass computer, I’m over-thinking the problem of AI, and I wish there was more that I could do to change the world but you know what? I’ve never had to be a coal miner. The things in front of me are not hard rocks to splinter. I don’t have coal dust in my fingernails and I don’t have black lungs. And I wonder, I wonder what great-grandfather worried about, and I know that while he didn’t have an inkling of me, or this moment, or these words, or these wonders or worries. I hope he knows that the world that was turning then, maybe too powered by coal—or thank goodness powered by coal so that I could…BE. I remember you. I remember you. I remember YOU. Great, great, grandmother Graves—I remember YOU.

And the Earth spun for you and the Earth, I don’t know what to tell you, is still spinning anyway. Mayhem. Madness. Laughter through tears. Coal dust. Forgetfulness. Just keeps spinning. Capacity for survival, our strength to go on, round and round, with every turn, hopefully rememberful of a new opportunity that better is possible.

How can I stop forgetting? Can I do anything that’s better?? Not optimistic, but hopeful. If our forgetfulness has taught us anything, it's that we are fantastic at moving on. But maybe it's time we channel that talent in a slightly different direction. Slightly more remembering. Please remember longer, grieve deeper, and sharpen that memory, that emotion, holy moly, as fuel for change. Please don’t move on, away from the tragedies, but linger with purpose towards solution, something better.

We might only have memories as useful currently as bags of hammers now, but hey, we've here’s the deal – these hammers can both build and demolish. Maybe that’s not so bad after all. Apologies. This probably could have used some editing.

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#Youtube

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inkykeiji · 1 year

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As someone who admires the Todoroki family from a writing perspective and just Horikoshi's ability with characterization as a whole, I'm very, very scared that the series as a whole is just going to end cleanly. I'm invested in the Aizawa/Present Mic/Shirakumo/Kurogiri arc the same way you feel about the Todorokis, but I feel Horikoshi is going to go for a happily ever after for everyone somehow. I'm very fine with the idea of major characters dying, but I don't think Horikoshi has the balls to do it. That's just my two cents though.

That image of the Todorokis made me so happily sad in a way though. He's so SMALL next to Endeavor and Natuso!

YES oh my god

yes that’s my fear exactly, too. because i know hori has the talent and the capability to end these stories in gut-wrenching but well executed ways, but does he have the balls to do it????? to potentially upset a huge portion of the fandom that would rather have the fan-service happy fluffy endings instead of something that’s written beautifully but hurts so much??? i don’t know. i’m worried he doesn’t, but i’m really hoping he does >.<

i gotta be honest, it bothers me so much when people say dabi deserves a happy ending or that dabi dying is a ‘bad ending’ for his story, as if dabi didn’t kill TONS of innocent people just because he felt like it, like dabi didn’t consciously make the decision to take away mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and sons and daughters from people, as if dabi doesn’t ENJOY killing, etc. it like genuinely makes me see red HAHAHA like alright, let’s say he lives. what happens? the only plausible answer is that he goes to fucking jail, because they got the man in 4k lucidly admitting to 30+ murders, among other crimes. what else could possibly happen??? the judge and the authorities and society as a whole just give him a slap on the wrist and ignore his laundry list of crimes because he’s ~got trauma~ and he’s ~the eldest son of the number one hero~??? dabi’s story as a whole is absolutely heart wrenching—and it deserves to stay that way!!!—but that doesn’t excuse any of his actions. like, at all. i’ve got loads of trauma too and yet i am not out there killing in the street lmfao.

or what? the whole todofam works out their YEARS long combined and convoluted family and personal trauma in one battle out on the battlefield and suddenly everything is resolved and happy and great again and they all love each other and everything’s been forgiven and dabi’s/touya’s severe mental illness just disappears??? just evaporates from the tissues of his brain like a fucking mist??? it’s borderline offensive LMFAO like i know this is a series about fucking superheroes but hori has done a pretty good job keeping several aspects of realism within it. my cousin and i have this talk often but it’s incredible and super interesting how hori has been able to take something so REAL (trauma as a whole, with all the league members) and portray it in a way that is relatable and realistic while still filtering it through this superhero lens and society. it’s brilliant. they all deserve well written endings, dabi and tomura especially.

anyway sorry i’m going on a serious rant here and i am going to stop HAHAHA but yeah, i totally feel you. and it’s like,, i get it, in a way; i understand the appeal of everything ending super happy and warm and feel good, but for me personally, i would rather things end in a way that hurts but is well executed, you know? i’ll take that over bad writing any day. the aizawa/mic/shirakumo | kurogiri storyline is SUPER interesting and they too deserve a properly written ending, even if it’s painful!!!!!

anyway moving on yeS HE’S SO TINYYYYY ugh i love how he’s like, taller than rei + fuyumi by a decent amount but so much shorter than enji and natsuo it just 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 it makes my heart !!!!! explode <3 he’s so cute <3 he really is his momma’s son like look at him!!!!!!!! he looks like her so much 🥺🥺🥺

#i’m so sad #also sorry for my rant here HAHAHA #i just have so many feelings n thoughts atm #just swirling around in my lil head #thank you for your input and opinion tho!!!! i totally agree with you 100%#it’s a big fear #i hope he has the guts to do it #i think it bothers me even more because it *seems* like these would be the natural endings #bnha has a lot of darker themes esp when compared to other popular shonen series #it deals with heavier subject matter and it does it WELL #so it feels like this should be the natural end for so many characters but idk! i guess we’ll have to wait and see!!#i want hori to do a horror manga next :)#i hope ur having an awesome wednesday my friend!!!#stay safe and stay hydrated!#clari gets mail

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miramise · 2 years

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I need to scream to the void, so if you don’t want to read about family situations/drama or an emotional bloodletting, feel free to skip. If you’re feeling sympathetic or even pity, because I am not above that, then please do continue on. (Also it got long so I’ll put it on a readmore)

So, December 10 will be the 1 year anniversary of my mom passing. And I’m doing ok. Probably better than the average person thinks I should be doing. But I took care of her for a very long time with minimal help. Even after I told her way before she got so sick that I am not a caretaker type of person. In truth I feel like she manipulated and trapped me into a role I never wanted. A role that effectively shut me down as an individual and just tied me to her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her, but she was so damn flawed, and she hurt me in a way I’m only now healing from. I’m beginning to learn who I am as a singular person. (I must say while I could use some improvements, I’m kind of liking this person I am. A little lonely, but otherwise I’m feeling good about the me I am now.)

So cut to a couple of days ago where my freakin’ brain damaged brother somehow managed to get an eviction notice. I don’t know why. I only have his side of the story and to hear him tell it, butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. I know better. He’s constantly claimed he has some kind of case manager to help him with things, so I told him to call this (alleged) worker to help him find either a new place or emergency living arrangements. Because even though I have a second room, I am not compatible with him. He’s paranoid, cheap, unmotivated, and smokes a hell of a lot of weed. I hate weed. I don’t care if others smoke it or whatever, please by all means if it helps then do it. But I don’t want it around me if I can help it. But I’m getting off track.

Fast-forward to today, 10/29/2022, where my sister calls and says he sent her a picture of the 30 day notice so it’s real, and basically more or less almost tried to guilt trip me into letting him live here, because “that’s what mom would have wanted.”

Yeah, but guess what? MOM ISN’T HERE ANYMORE. And I said for years I’m not mom. I never wanted to be mom, and I sure as hell never wanted to inherit any of her problems. I’m finally learning about myself. I’m finally beginning to understand what it means to be a person and not a crutch, and yet it’s just fucking assumed I’m going to let him stay here because 1. Everyone still considers it ‘mom’s place’ (despite the fact I paid all the bills except rent, and split food, so it was more a roommate situation), and 2. I have a spare room. (It’s really not, it’s barely 64′ sq if an inch. I believe shy of 5 m for the smarter people I envy who get the metric system). And because it’s what mom would have wanted.

But again, she’s gone, and the only one who’s going to look out for my well being is me, and living with him is detrimental to that. Not to mention my lease says I’m not supposed to have anyone for longer than 2 weeks if I’m not putting them on the lease as well. So I said 3 months tops, then if it looks like he’s trying to make it a permanent situation, I will help him find a shelter. Sis brought up how she only has 1 bedroom with 2 people and I’m like, “What if I had moved and downsized, where would he be then? Don’t try and put this on me just because of a closet pretending to be a room.

Also going to say I feel like he was trying to angle for this all along, and fuck if I’m going for it. I’ve been living along for less than a year, yet I don’t see myself living any other way now. And regardless of what mom would have wanted, she’s dead, and I’m not, so I have to take care of living problems and not let them be overshadowed by dead remembrances. Selfish? Cold? I’m not going to disagree, but again, only one person is responsible for me, and if that means I have to be a bitch to make sure I’m mentally and emotionally healthy, so frickin be it.

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dancinjanssen · 2 years

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Life update. Haven’t done this in a while, if ever.

I am happiest to report that I got out of slinging coffee (which I’d been doing since 2014 across two different places) and found an office job. Without doxxing myself, essentially I calculate/reconcile real estate agents’ commission checks and make sure that each person involved in the transaction is getting paid the right amount. Monday through Friday, all the holidays off, no more dealing with customers. It’s been pretty great. (The only thing I’m still adjusting to is working 8 to 5 as a natural night owl who would always prefer to be up until 2 am and sleep until 10.) I’m that weirdo who’s always loved math too, so I feel completely in my element. My boss is essentially the 2.0 version of my favorite math teacher from middle school, which has been hilarious and great too. They literally even have the same first name and look alike.

My barista years will always hold a place in my heart. I worked with some amazing coworkers, got to do barista competitions, and now I have knowledge and appreciation of good coffee that I’ll enjoy on the customer end for the rest of my life. That being said…..

Why after eight years in the industry and four of them at this last place did I leave? I’ll tell you exactly why. MANAGEMENT. Really specifically one manager, but the rest of management defended and protected her behavior, so I really left all of them. In a nutshell:

Year one: Different supervisor. Call him M. M wasn’t great, but he eventually got fired. This supervisor- H- got promoted in his place.

Years two and three: For reasons I still don’t comprehend, H took an immediate abnormally strong liking to me. It went beyond just thinking I was a good worker and appreciating me on a professional level. H would tell me to come hang out with her in the office and just talk to her about life for 1-2 hours a night. She told me to always have her grab my money for the register and that if any other manager offered, to tell them she was doing it. And when Covid hit in 2020 and a big part of our staff got furloughed, she moved me from a station that got shut down to one that didn’t just so I wouldn’t get furloughed because she said she would cry if I did. One of the sketchiest straws for me was the night she told me to close the coffee shop for my lunch (like always) but then to stay closed for an extra half hour to come hang out with her.

Year four: Complaints about H favoring me naturally mounted, and finally after enough of them, the boss above her talked to her and told her it needed to stop. I agreed with that. That alone was perfectly fine and needed to happen. But this was where H just went unhinged and made my final year at this place hell. She blamed me almost entirely for our relationship getting out of hand. She told me I got too carried away and didn’t manage my time well enough and that’s why it got noticed that we were together in the office a lot. When I asked her why she never once told me it was time to leave and get back to work (you know, her job as MY BOSS), she told me she thought all my work was done. Oh yeah. Telling me to come hang out with you at 7:30 when the coffee shop closed at 11 was me clearly having all my work done. [Sarcasm]

And from then on, H was not nice to me. She avoided eye contact with me, said the absolute bare minimum to me, and made big shows of saying hi and talking to everyone else while completely ignoring me. Once we got some new hires, they became her new favorites and did all the stuff she and I used to do. It was like she learned NOTHING from what happened with me. These people hung out with her in the office just like we did, but all the while she still iced me out and acted like I was gum on her shoe for getting her in trouble the first time. It put me in a horrendous place mentally. I blamed myself for somehow not being good enough for her or for being “too much” for her. What did these new employees have that I didn’t?

January this year: I along with 5-6 other employees all went to upper management about H. About her favoritism. About her treating us like garbage while her new chosen ones sat in the office and did zero work. About H giving them Christmas gifts right in front of everyone else. All upper management told me was to get over it, back off, and stop letting it bother me. That all H owed me was to be professional and not to be my friend. I told them she wasn’t even being professional with me and they didn’t care. The single only thing they agreed to tell her was that she needed to look at me when she was talking to me. They agreed the lack of eye contact was rude. (I know some autistic people prefer that, but I don’t. Mileage may vary. And it was her being rude, not uncomfortable with eye contact. She made it with everyone else.)

February to May this year: I went day to day never knowing which version of H I was going to get. Some days she randomly warmed up to me again, others she kept icing me out. Some days she made eye contact, others she didn’t. One day she walked with me into the building and made conversation the whole way, the next she’d avert her eyes and walk on without me.

May 2022: I finally drew the line for my mental health, said enough of this bullshit, and found a new job. Gave H my two weeks on May 23rd (sooo satisfying!) and my last day was June 2nd. I didn’t even have to do that. I could have told her to go get f**ked and walked out right on the 23rd. But I cared about my other coworkers enough to work my two weeks, plus the new place didn’t start me until June 6th anyway.

June 2nd (my last day): Probably the single weirdest day I ever had with H. Each month this year, she planned to bring cake one night and celebrate all the birthdays of that month. She saw that through in January, February, and March only, and then had abandoned it. Back in January, she accidentally announced me with the names even though I’m a May baby. Sometime later when the vibe was right, I let her know that, and she felt bad and said I could pick one of the cake flavors for May. (She always got two cakes.) After no cake happened in April, I thought it was a lost cause anyway, but when I asked a couple of times almost just to be snarky, she kept insisting it was happening.

Finally on my last day, she told me she had my cake. That it was MY cake and she didn’t get cake for anyone else, and it was combination birthday and going away/new job. She said all of this very stoically and mechanically. When I went to her office later to get the cake, it was goodbye for us and I didn’t really know what to say. I thanked her and told her I was sorry that things got rough with us, and she said “It is what it is. I’m glad you can grow in your new career now.” So that told me she was ecstatic for me to leave.

The whole thing was just WEIRD. I never really knew where I stood with her. Getting out was the absolute best thing for me. I wish everyone else luck in their navigations with her.

I still keep in touch with coworkers. I am happy to say that one month later, my job has not been filled yet and they’re now offering $1,000 sign on bonuses for some of the positions. That place can drown in its shitty management. I did my part to try to change it and nobody cared. Sayonara.

#long post #work #management #great resignation #jobs

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another-random-object-show · 7 months

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AROS: S1E3

FreeDraw

House sat down near the stairs to the entrance of the Chamber of Lava from the First Episode, He then heard something like… smooching?

House looks around, before asking out— “...hello??”

Outcomes Heart and Star, both giggling. “Right, right, like, hi!” Heart told House. Lightning immediately pushed House aside and came flying over to ask— “Hiii Hearty-Heart!! What’s up??” Lightning asked. “Besides my… desires, Star has a special team announcement~!” Star nodded, then stood atop the topmost step of the stairway. “FREAKS!” He said, summoning Penta, Triangula, and Flower, some of whom slightly groaned. “It is to my desire that I ANNOUNCE!” Star shouted: “HEART! Is your Team CO-LEADER! and now! MY BELOVED!” Star dictated for everyone to clap.

Only Penta and House followed the order, with Triangula hesitantly agreeing to do so by clapping slowly.

“Ohmygosh, I’m so happy for you!! Oh! When can we hang out?” Lightning asked Heart. “Hang out? Oh, honey! I’ll be with Starry—”

“WHERE?!” Star panicked upon hearing the name “Starry”.

“...Star, not you!” Heart continued, holding onto Star closely. “Oh, I know— just, when do you… y’know… stop?” Lightning asked. “Mmm… never…” Heart replied, still snuggling Star in front of Lightning, as House, Penta, Triangula and Flower left. “..oh… ok… well, uhm, see you!” Lightning said, flying away, her feelings in a shamble.

“Ehhh… yaayyyy…?” Exclamation Mark said, stumbling onto the announcement.

“What do you mean JUST yayyyy…? , hm?” Heart now side-eyes Exclamation Mark. “Yeah, what about us, Loud-Sound?” Star said, scowling at Exclamation Mark. “N-nothing!” Exclamation Mark said, before rushing off.

“Fuckin’ freak.” Star growled, before holding Heart again, Period looked at them, before cringing, walking over to Comedy and Tragedy, and saying— “They act like a Highschool Couple.”

Comedy laughed, while Tragedy looked over and cringed with Period. “OHMYGOODNESS, YOU ARE HILARIOUS! OH! OHHH! HOHO!!” Comedy wiped a tear from his mask. “Truly. Though, he's also factual… they act… erm… interesting-ly…” Tragedy said. “Yeah, couldn't be us!” Period said. “Yeah.” Tragedy replied, being cuddled violently by Comedy.

Starry started over at Lunartic, before a hand came to her shoulder.

ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU DID THIS. YOU UNDESERVING, FILTHY RAT—

“Hey, are you alright?” House asked. “...sorry, just… you seem to be disassociating. Frequently.” House said. “...I’m… I feel…” Starry stuttered, but House completed her. “like everything is out of your control, and no matter what you do or say, everything will come crashing down on you one day— so what’s the point?” House said, Starry stared, resulting in House almost speaking before Starry confirmed— “Yes… exactly. That's…” She sighed. “I need to get back in touch with some people… especially to get them away from someone who I know is dangerous.” Starry told House. “...y’know, being a living House, sometimes having people inhabit me, trust me, there's been about… 6? people inhabiting me before all of this? …I’ve seen alot. Both Healthy, and Abusive.” House told Starry. “...and I can tell you, that guy… he’s… a monster. He’s somehow all 3 of my former ABUSIVE residents as one person. He abuses physically, mentally, AND emotionally.” House told Starry, causing her to gasp. “...and no, it’s not your fault. No matter what you do, it wouldn't have changed anything.” House sighs. “What you CAN do though… is take that first leap.” House took his hand off Starry’s shoulder, then told her… “Be the Cowboy.” Starry starred as he walked off, before taking a deep breath, and nodding.

Lightning stared at Heart and Star, before turning around to go towards the other contestants. Try to make friends. “Like, Hi Cloud-sicle!” Lightning said to Cloudy. “Hm? Oh. Greetings.” Lightning then tried to talk about fashion. “So like, do you know of, like, any good brands? Maybe something Heart would—” Lightning was cut off by Cloudy shifting away. “...what?” Lightning asked. “...I think you could go for a Pink-Dye Treatment.” Cloudy said, before flying away from Lightning. “Oh, like.. OK…” Lightning then swooshed over to Flower and Paperplates, then tried to speak, only for Flower to say— “Oh, uh… go away?” Lightning then frowned, and lowered to Flower, before asking— “wait, why?” Flower then told her: “You're part of a clique that targets people based purely off if you like them, and the only reason House and Penta didn't vote with me and Triangula is because they were too scared, and thus followed along.” Flower told Lightning. “Wait, YOU voted for my BFFFL?!” Lightning said, angrily. “and another thing, listen— I think you CAN be good, you can be SWEET, but you act like THIS!” Flower told Lightning, who yelled: “I don’t need your OPINION!” before flying over to Mime and Moony, only for Mime to transform into Heart and tell Lightning— “You’re a follower, and that’s what’s keeping YOU in MY game!” It said as Heart, before transforming back and slithering away. “I’M NOT! A! HIVE MINDED! FOLLOWER!” Lightning yelled. “I’M HER BEST FEMALE FRIEND FOREVER (in) LIFE!!” Lightning now screamed.

Just then, Lunartic had gotten fed up with Starry trying to apologize, flipped her off, before walking over to Moony and saying— “I’ll never understand why you want to forgive her, after all, she’s JUST a dumb bitch.” Ofcourse, Lightning heard that, thought it was referring to her and—

“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Lightning screamed, now exploding into numerous volts of electricity, many of which struck other contestants, such as Hangman, Question Mark, Triangula, and Phantom, with the former being fried to death, while the latter shattered due to the immense energy intake.

“HEYHEYHEYHEY!” The Gourd announced. “LISTEN UP, CONTESTANTS!” He sighed. “We’ve all been so stressed and angry lately, and that's frankly NOT show-worthy. SO, here’s Today’s Challenge!” He snapped, spontaneously reviving Question Mark, Hangman, Phantom and Triangula, and sending everybody back to their team. “Your challenge is to make ANY form of media based around me! or just another Jack-O-Lantern in General! You have 30 minutes! GO!”

“What should we make for him?” Cloudy asked Comedy. “Just let Paperplates do it!” Comedy replied as Paperplates gave The Gourd a drawing. “Oh! Hey! How’d you know I could do THIS?” The Gourd asked Paperplates as suddenly, from her drawing, a Black Pumpkin, similar to Gourd appeared. They did a few spins before running off.

“The Masquerade is done! NOTE! Being DONE doesn't mean you’re SAFE! It just means you're DONE with the challenge!” The Gourd said.

“Huh. Interesting rule.” Hangman thought. “but it does make the game fair, since we still have a whole 28 minutes left.” Tragedy pointed out. “Can’t argue with that.” Hangman shrugged.

“Alright, so who’s drawing?” Flower queued. “Oh, well, obviously you get Lightning to do it! Trust me, she's gonna make him P-R-E-T-T-Y!” Heart said, giving Lightning a Pen and Paper. “Oh, yes I am, girlypop! He’ll look SOOOO cute!” Lightning got to drawing.

“Ohh, that looks so cute!!” Sunny said about Team FUN’s Project. “It… actually is kinda endearing. In a terrifying way.” Exclamation Mark said. “It’s a PLUSHIE. Leave Moony be.” Period said, sitting atop Exclamation Mark’s Head.

28 minutes later and…

“TIME’S UP!” The Gourd had announced as Lightning and House, alongside Moony, submitted their works.

“The way this will work is SIMPLE. I will look at the media you have made, then rate it on a 3-charter scale. So long as you are not placed as the WORST of the 3 artworks, your team is SAFE.” The Gourd said, now reviewing the first art. “FIRST! I will rate The Masquerade’s drawing of another pumpkin a… Middle. It was good! I liked it, I really did! It's just that—” The Gourd now SQUEEZED his own plushie. “TEAM FUN MADE THIS REALLY COOL PLUSH OF ME AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN AS CUTE BEFORE SO THIS MEANS ALOT TO ME, SORRY—!!” He ranted, before deeply inhaling and exhaling. “However, it’s now time for me to look at Team “What?”’s art.” The Gourd said, picking up Lightning's Art. “...I… erm…” The Gourd coughed.

“Team “What?",I understand you guys LIKE me but… what is this?” He held up the drawing of a Yassified Pumpkin.

“It’s you, but as a baddie! Cause me an Heart are Baddies!” Lightning enthusiastically said, with Heart side-eyeing away from her.

“...I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I’m sorry, this is.. just… no.” The Gourd placed Team “What?”’s tag in last place, making them… UP FOR ELIMINATION.

OMG, OMG, this is terrible! Like, who do we vot for?!” Lightning said to Heart, only fo her to—

“SHUT UP! I’m THINKING, for fuck’s sake! YOU CAN’T SEE THAT?!” Heart lashed at Lightning.

“...sorry…” Lightning flew away, with Star turning to Heart to say… “You don't NEED her, when you have ME! C’mon, let's get her out.” Star proclaimed. Heart immediately said— “Ohmygosh, it's like you're reading my mind! I WAS GONNA DO THAT ALREADY!” Heart dropped her act, agreeing with Star, before she called for The Gourd to start…

“TEAM “WHAT?”, you’ve done it AGAIN!” The Gourd proclaimed. “You should already know the process! Get in the booth!”

IN THE BOOTH…

Star and Heart vote and sway Penta and House into collectively voting one person…

Lightning.

“This is what you GET for messing with my BFFFL!” Lightning SLAMS Flower’s VOTE Button.

As usual, the rest of the team voted against Heart.

“VOTES HAVE BEEN READ!” The Gourd annouces.

“First vote…

Heart.”

Heart sneers at Penta, House, Triangula, and Flower.

“Second vote…

Heart.”

Heart files her nails.

“Third Vote…

Flower.”

“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR VOTING ON MY BFFL!” Lightning yelled at Flower.

“Gasp! So you were useful…!” Heart gasped fakely.

“Fourth Vote…

Lightning.”

“...one last time.” She continues filing her nails.

“...huh? I thought we were BFFFLs?” Lightning seemed confused.

“Fifth Vote…

Lightning.”

“That’s until I came in, you’ve been RE-PLACED.” Star said, with Heart nodding.

“b-but… your her boyfriend…” Lightning said.

“Sixth Vote…

Lightning.”

“Ohmygosh, you’re not getting it!” Heart said.

“Getting what?”

“Seventh Vote…

Lightning.”

“Oh. My God, you’re seriously THIS fucking dull? GUESS WHAT?!”

“We’re still friends, right—?!” Lightning said.

“THE ELIMINATED CONTESTANT IS LIGHTNING.”

“WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!” Heart yelled at Lightning.

Lightning stares in shock.

“Tsk, you’re a BIMBO, a dumb, moronic, and sheepish BIMBO.” Heart files her nails. “I’m a slut. I KNOW people, and their wants. Learn the difference.” Heart said, waving Lightning off.

Lightning then turned into a strike of lightning, gone in an instant.

…and it began raining, almost as if it was her. Crying.

The Gourd opens an umbrella and says— “That’s it for this episode! Tune in next time for MORE!” The Elimination Ceremony’s Lights go out after a strike of thunder.

END.

AROS was written by TheWiseGuest.

All characters' voices, present or not, were acted out by L. Alberto S.

FIN.

“Ohmygosh! My deepest desire?!” Lightning grips the flyer. “I won’t have to die alone!” She flies onwards, towards the location.

#another random object show #aros season 1 #aros #object shows #drama #toxicity #written and released TODAY.#TheWiseGuest

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arturhatesyou · 2 years

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Everytime I clean myself up after hurting myself, I use a paper and do little taps against my skin. I do it that way since my ex did it while taking care of my cuts in 2017. I don’t know why he did it like that, I don’t know if there is a explanation, and if there is a explanation I don’t know how he knows it as he has never been in such situation. Not that I’m aware of, at least. Still today I hope it was just… instinctive. I hope that the thing going through his mind was “it would hurt if I just slide paper on his cuts and I don’t want it to hurt more than it probably already does”, I still hope it was out of care, out of love, out of empathy… even tho he left 6 months after that, for the exact same reason: too much work to take care of me. He was still the first one to take my arm and actually take care of my cuts and he still is today… well, excluding nurses and doctors I have dealt with the last 3 years… ish.

While living with him, I stayed awake in bed many nights looking at the ceiling thinking I should cut just because I want these taps taps taps on my skin. But I have always been in control enough to keep myself away from hurting myself just in order to get the care I am needing in that moment. And actually, in the end, when I had a real reason to cut I didn’t do it anymore because I was scared he wouldn’t do the tapping and I would need to grief a little unique moment in my life.

Only once I had my cuts taken care by someone who is not a health specialist, and I still carry it around with me today. I’m happy he left me, I’m happy he got a seemingly healthy boyfriend, who can also provide sexually what I couldn’t (yeah, dick) and probably hold him in this caring way that… he was trying his best to hold me, but failing, because it just was not his thing. But still today, when I hurt my skin and the times arrives where I should care of myself I do the tapping. I never searched if it’s appropriate; it would be funny if it’s actually the wrong way to do it. But it got stuck in my head as an act of care. And one of my favorite parts of actually hurting myself is giving myself care: the tapping nobody does, the wet wipes, resting my fingers on my cuts to feel how warm they are, examining myself, silence, my head is silent, the room, the outside of my room, the world stops; because it’s just me and my hurt. And I take care of it, I rest my forehead on my knees, and I just let the silence sink in.

My current partner - not boyfriend - did listen to me reading about psychology today. He told me once again that he wanted to be a therapist but he didn’t because he is too lazy. I always joke and say I would be jealous; only I should be the only mentally ill fucked up guy in his life. He laughs back and says “there is no feelings with patients!” which I know, I had 9 therapists so far. If there is something there isn’t in such therapist room, that is feelings between the patient and the therapist, the weak and the smart. But when I think about it, I come to the conclusion that that’s the problem: everyone loves psychology, because it’s like working with labs rats. But as soon there are feelings… then it’s a problem. Because when you have feelings, you expect things in return. You can sit in room with a patient and expect nothing than your paycheck, but in a relationship… there are expectations. Expectations a lab rat cannot meet.

Everyone love the mentally ill; the books, the movies, the therapists… nobody like to have a mentally I’ll person laying beside them in bed. Unless it’s for sex, I don’t know what’s up with us, we are somehow just too good at that “make love” thing. But being with someone who is mentally ill, without a paycheck and without anything in return for a week or more? Love can’t do that. Love is expectations, as I like to say, you wouldn’t get together with anyone if you didn’t have expectations from them and the relationship.

Honestly? I wish I could rest. Lay in some arms of someone I trust, and rest. Or scream, as extreme opposite that is. And break things. And be held. And not need to give them anything back. I wish someone looked in my eyes and saw that I don’t have anything to give, I wish they smiled and said “luckily, I have a whole a lot to give”

I wish I would stop making daydreams in my head.

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primofate · 3 years

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Genshin [Volleyball Team AU - Inspired by Haikyuu!] What it’s like to be their manager Headcanons

Note: I think a lot of people misunderstand the role of the manager XD It’s not that the whole team is dating you. It’s that the whole team treats you like their family/sister. So you’d better bet that all of them are gunna be hella protective of you XD

Scenario: What do you do for the team and what do they do for you? :D

Warnings: not proofread, fluffy, might have some swear words, platonic relationships

Characters: Zhongli, Diluc, Kaeya, Albedo, Tartaglia, Kazuha, Xiao, Tohma, reader as the team manager

Other works in the Volleyball Team AU Series: Click Here

Genshin Volleyball Team manager

It’s just fuckin’ chaos

On your first day you’re already bombarded with questions by Tartaglia and Kaeya

“So which class are you?” “What’s your height?” “Are you single?”

Captain Zhongli just cannot be bothered to reign them in anymore.

So Vice Captain Diluc does it and grabs their collars. “You idiots, you’re scaring her off!”

Possibly Kazuha and Tohma are the ones you really try to rely on, on your first few weeks.

So how do you gain the trust of your team? Let’s start with each player shall we?

#1 Zhongli (Captain/Wing Spiker/Ace)

Zhongli is just handsome and mature. He’s strict and needs to be the pillar of the team.

You’re intimidated by him the first few weeks and he just seems...a little far. He’s always so focused that you can’t seem to catch a moment to just chat with him.

There’s a day where you notice that his form is a little off, you suspect that he hurt his wrist a little.

You fidget uncomfortably in the gym as they practice, but finally turn to the coach “U-Umm... The captain is... I mean! I’m not sure, but... I think he needs to take a rest,”

The coach calls for someone to substitute Zhongli and suddenly asks you to check on him.

“Huh?! Me?!” the coach pushes you towards him, and Zhongli is just looking at you quizzically, you can practically see the question mark on his face.

“C-Captain, d-do you need some bandages on your wrist?”

Zhongli is taken aback, but silently puts his right wrist out for you to wrap.

Only when you’re done tending to it does he look you in the eye and ask.

“How did you know?”

“...Because I always watch, and all I can do is watch. If I can’t even spot that out then I’m not a very good manager am I?”

Zhongli has a newfound respect for you. He thought you were just a meek and shy thing sitting around and passing them balls but he feels his heart swell that someone like you is seriously watching over them.

#2 Diluc (Vice Captain/Wing Spiker/Defense Specialist)

Diluc is probably the second hardest to get along with or break the ice with.

But he gradually warms up to you when he notices that he’s always the first one you pass a towel and water bottle to.

You’re not doing that on purpose, it’s just him who always comes up first.

After a few days he deliberately goes to you faster cause he always wants to be the one to receive a water bottle and towel from you first. Secretly a puppy.

The moment he realized that you were reliable was when you stayed behind to help him practice when everyone else went home already.

You didn’t let up in your constant praise of “nice receive”, “great spike!” and “that’s so cool!”

He thinks he saw stars in your eyes at some point.

“Hey, Diluc, it’s getting late, let’s leave some energy for tomorrow, yeah?” he could tell from your mannerisms that you were tired too, but you tried not to let it show on your face and still cleaned up with him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then!” you wave but you’re stopped by a quick. “No,” from him. You tilt your head in wonder and he just looks at you as if it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“It’s late, I’ll walk you home,”

#3 Kaeya (Middle Blocker)

You don’t have to impress this guy, anyone of the female gender impresses him.

lol jk

safe to say it’s not difficult to befriend Kaeya, just bring him a cheering squad and some food.

all jokes aside the way to this guy’s heart is through his stomach.

He’s not a particularly hungry person but there’s this one time he forgot to bring lunch. He was running late, or something of that sort, honestly not something new for him.

He ALSO didn’t bring money so he couldn’t eat food from the cafeteria.

Ask his friends for money you say? Tartaglia would go, “Haha no way!” Albedo would go, “Let this be a lesson for you,” his brother would go “Serves you right,”

By club time he’s famished and dramatic. “Guys, go on without me, this is as far as I go,” as he sprawls on the gym floor.

You ask if he’s okay and he doesn’t answer so Diluc is the one that answers for him. “He forgot his lunch, as always,”

You make a sound of understanding and the next thing you know you’re taking out a lunch box and Kaeya has lifted his head up, sensing food.

“I packed onigiri for everyone today, actually... In case someone was hungry. It’s not much but--”

Kaeya comes alive from the dead and clutches your hands to his chest. “Manager you really are an angel,”

Diluc jump kicks him away from you.

#4 Albedo (Setter)

You also don’t know how to approach this guy

He always looks mad or stoic or something. Like he’s always thinking about something.

He low key actually is always thinking about play strategies and how to set the ball better for his teammates.

You really do think he works so hard while the game is going on, so you decide to help him out a little bit.

You watch a few more of their games and somehow come up with a list of what kinds of sets are better for each different spiker in the team.

There’s surprise in his eyes when you pass the document to him and modestly exclaim “...but, it might not be accurate, since I’m not that experienced,”

He still nods and says “...It’s the thought that counts,”

When he does read your report and try the techniques out he notices that it does hold some merit in it

Is amazed like how Zhongli is amazed. He thought you were just there to hand them bottles and cheer for them but he had never been so wrong as to what a manager’s role is.

Will trust you enough to ask you about his set performance.

Will sometimes slam Kaeya with an insult. “Kaeya, your spike sense is horrid, Y/N can read the moves better than you,”

#5 Tartaglia (Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

It’s not that he has a hard time trusting people but let’s just say he has the tendency to make you feel like he likes you but then he actually does that to everyone.

For example: He’ll throw compliments like “Oh that’s amazing Y/N!” but then back in the classroom you’ll hear him say “Oh that’s amazing!” to, like, every other person.

That kinda disappoints you cause then the comment doesn’t really hold that much meaning to it if he keeps on saying it to others too.

He encounters a crisis mid year because this guy is just... he struggles with his grades.

Captain Zhongli has told him he can’t play volleyball if he fails even one subject.

This boy is panicking and has semi-accepted this is the end of his volleyball career.

So you offer to study with him and he’s legit stoked.

Intensive and strict study sessions commence. Note taking, pop quizzes, surprise questions and even sudden random calls from you wherein you ask him a question and he has to answer within 5 seconds.

You’ve pulled all the study techniques you know here, this man better pass everything.

Welp, he still fails History....but since he worked so hard Captain Zhongli excuses it.

He’s so happy that he can’t hold back the stupidly wide smile on his face. He turns to you and for the very very first time in months, he bows and THANKS you.

You realize that he’s never thanked you before. Not even when you pass him water bottles or towels.

You consider it a win, getting rare and sincere appreciation from him.

#6 Kazuha (Decoy/Middle Blocker/Wing Spiker)

One of the easiest to get along with but at the same time, he’s so mature that you feel like you’re not even in the same age range as him.

Definitely someone you can count on though, so you ask him many questions on the first week.

Still, it’s one of those things where you can kind of talk to him but there’s still a wall between you two.

One day while walking around in school there were these boys who were commenting about his height, and questioning his abilities as a volleyball team member.

You didn’t really think much about it when you speak up, “But he’s a really good middle blocker and spiker,”

Those boys look at you weirdly and you realize that you’ve unconsciously spoken up. So you hurriedly walk away.

Little did you know that Kazuha was in some secret corner and heard the whole thing.

Just like that, the next day, it seems as if the wall between you two was gone, and you’re able to talk freely.

That, and he seemed to like asking you to help him practice his spikes and throw balls for him now.

#7 Xiao (Libero)

is deceivingly easy to get along with. Just has a rough exterior but is actually a softie if you squint.

You know this because there are subtle things he does.

He doesn’t speak to you much but then he would be the one picking up the balls with you, or sometimes there’s magically a new set of clean towels on the bench that you don’t remember taking out from the storage room.

This guy is passionate for the game, so he really beats himself up when he isn’t able to receive a ball during actual games.

You worry about his mentality sometimes. I mean, it’s a team game, it’s not like he alone can save the whole game

So you talk to him about it the other day

“You’re already a really good libero Xiao, I mean... I’m not saying you should stop practicing but you don’t have to feel so bad...” you pause because this doesn’t feel like the message you want to convey

“Sorry, what I mean is... You CAN feel bad, but share the burden with your team, you know?”

He knows what you’re saying and contemplates it for a while. He knows that his team has his back, but sometimes just needs reminder about it.

He looks at you and asks, “...Can I share the burden with you too?”

You blink “Huh?”

“You said I can share the burden with my team, but can I share it with you too?”

There is a blush on his cheeks at this point.

“Oh, yea! Of course! I don’t play but I’m still part of the team you know!”

Ever since then, during games, if he feels a little frustrated he’d glance at you on the bench and you’d give him a thumbs up for a job well done.

#8 Tohma (Pinch Server/Middle Blocker)

You’re like bffs the moment you see each other

lol jk

You’re still awkward with him the first few days cause that’s just how first meetings are.

But he is very easy to talk to and always makes you feel at ease

Will always be the one to ask how you are if you need any help or if class was okay in general

Seems like the type of person to care more about others than himself

So he’s surprised when you come into the gym and you beat him to asking his usual questions.

“Tohma, how are you today? Did you have a proper lunch?”

“Tohma, are you getting tired? Want some water?”

“Tohma, how was class today?”

All the other members of the team turn to look at the two of you, thinking ‘Why does Tohma get extra attention?’

Tohma certainly doesn’t get extra attention you just TALK to him more. The other members deadass are also getting cared for by you, just in different ways.

This boy has some insecurities though, when it comes to playing the game. He hasn’t been in it for long so he’s the least experienced and that gets to him sometimes.

“Oh, really? But you play really well! I couldn’t tell that you’re new”

His serves are really amazing though.

“Also! You always score points for us with the serves. Sometimes, your serves are my favourite part of the game!”

Has practiced extra hard so as not to let you down.

Masterlist

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Taglist (Want to be notified when something new comes out? Sign up! I’ve added some other fandoms as well, so if you’re interested in those, fill in the form again!):

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Commissions are open on my kofi :) and there’s only a limited amount available. Make sure you read the description of what kind of commissions I do:

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Taglist: @softlybeloved @bobaducky @normalisthenewnorm @how-simpy @atasi-luna @berryqueue @hallohun @milkypompon @fadinganchornight @coldstonecrematorium @probablybethere @hanachan_2481 @gultonluvv @batcatistruemaster @plumpkie @amigenshin @foxxtrot-116

#genshin au #genshin volleyball au #primofate #genshin headcanons #zhongli x reader #diluc x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x reader #xiao x reader #kazuha x reader #tohma x reader #albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin fluff

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theshelbyclan · 3 years

Text

Welcome to the chaos, little one

Summary: Giving birth is never easy, especially when it’s a Shelby x Solomons baby…

A/N I’m so slow with requests but a while back the lovely @fandom-puffrequested: Omg sorry to be a pain but I’m a sucker for Shelby chaos 😭😭😭 can I request something linked to A Very Shelby Christmas where the labour of baby Solomons is just as chaotic? But it could also be sweet like the bros finally accepting Alfie bc they all care about YN so much and can’t stand to hear her in pain, all while YN is screaming that she’ll cut off more of Alfie’s dick than his rabbi would even dare to if he ever tried to bed her again 😭😭😭 omg the chaos 👉👈 ily 💓💓 Here we go! This is part 2 to the story A Very Shelby Christmas

Words: 1638

***

“Not now, Y/N,” Arthur groaned. Ada rolled her eyes, remembering keenly when her brother had spoken those iconic words before. “It’s not like I can help it, Arthur,” you spit.

Polly grabbed you by your arm as you doubled over again, “Alright, sweetheart, it’s time. Come with me…” “Not yet, Aunt Pol,” you panted, “It’s too early.” “The baby doesn’t have it’s own pocket watch yet,” Ada commented matter-of-factly, as she took your other arm. “Fuck!” you called out again as another contraction set in, “Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck!” “Nice.” “Oh, piss off John, you want to try this?” “Not really…” “Tommy!” you turned to the one family member who hadn’t said a word yet, “Get him.” “And who would that be, eh?” he replied in a low voice. “Thomas…” Aunt Polly warned softly. He raised his eyebrows, “Finn? You want Finn at the birth?” “WHY WOULD I WANT MY FUCKING BABY BROTHER HERE?!” Tommy waved a vague hand, “General comfort?” Now Aunt Polly’s eyes flashed with anger, “Thomas! Go get her husband, right now!” Tommy sighed deeply, still trying to ignore the fact that his little sister was now Mrs. Solomons, and said, “Come on boys, let’s get them all together and wet this baby’s head! Leave the women to it.” And you groaned, “Thank you…” Once Alfie would be here, everything would be easier.

*** “Solomons!” “No need to shout, mate, I’m right here, ain’t I?”

Slowly Tommy lit a cigarette and started smoking it, “It concerns my sister.” “You mean the glorious creature that made me the luckiest man on earth by marrying me? My wife? Mrs. Alfie Solomons?” A small twinkle appeared in Alfie’s eyes as he saw Tommy’s jaw tense up just a little at his words. “Yes.” “How is the old lady doing?” Alfie asked conversationally. “In pain,” Tommy replied, “She’s in labour, more to the point.” “You fucking what?” “She’s with her aunt Alfie, she’ll be fine.” Alfie blinked a few times, “Tommy I swear to God if you’re playing some fucking game with me I will shoot you between the eyes right here and now. You’re telling me my wife is in labour and you’re standing there casually smoking a cigarette, waiting for some fucking woman to tell you it’s done?” “Yes,” he nodded, “Well, I was about to go the Garrison. Thought we might bury the hatchet and you could join us.” “Have you lost your fucking mind…” Alfie said slowly, while rubbing his chin. Tommy cleared is throat and with a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice said, “It’s tradition.” “Well, if you’ll pardon my French, fuck your fucking heathen traditions, I’m going to my fucking wife and you are fucking coming with me. And bring your fucking family while you’re at it!”

*** “Why are we here?” John leaned in to Arthur slightly while asking the question in a hushed voice. “Alfie insisted.” “Why?” Arthur raised his voice, “Ask Tommy, alright? I don’t bloody know! I’m guessing it’s another Jewish thing…” On the other side of the door, you were most definitely in labour now. The pain was worse than anything you’d experienced before and you were seriously questioning your sanity at this point. “Aunt Pol?” Ada asked carefully after about an hour. Polly moved over from your side down to your legs and said, “What is it?” “Something’s wrong.” “THOMAS!” Polly bellowed as soon as she had taken a look, “Get me some more towels.”

“What’s happening?” A panicked Alfie asked from the hallway. But Polly pushed him aside and started ordering Finn to boil more water. “Woman!” he demanded, “You fucking tell me.” “She’s bleeding,” she answered quickly, “and I can’t see why.” “What can we do, Pol,” Arthur asked, wild-eyed. “Get a doctor. One we can trust.” Arthur dragged John with him, even before Polly had finished her sentence. “What about Sabini’s men?” John asked, “We were supposed to deal with them tonight. What if they come here?” “Shoot them,” Tommy said simply, as he lit another cigarette in a nervous manner. Inside the room, you were now screaming your head off. Of course you had realised giving birth would be painful, but not like this. The sight of Ada going slightly pale didn’t help either and panic had started mixing in with the general anxiety of the process, so your screams got louder and louder. “Pol…” Ada called out again, “What do I do?” In that moment, Alfie pushed passed her and fell down by your side, “I’m here,” he said softly. “I can see that,” you panted between shouts, “but why? You’re not supposed to be here.” “Out,” Aunt Polly said strictly, “This is no place for men.” And then Tommy walked in as well, averting his eyes and grabbing your hand at the same time. “What?” he said when Polly send him a death-glare, “If Alfie gets to stay, so can I!” “Fucking children…” “Alright, sweetheart,” Polly focused on you again, “This baby needs to come now.” Your eyes grew wide, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” Alfie replied for her, “You’ll be fine. You’re doing brilliant, babes.” “How the fuck would you know!” you shouted out. He shrugged, “Educated guess?” “Had a lot of experience with this, eh?” Tommy grumbled sarcastically. “This,” Ada pointed at the both of them, “This is why men shouldn’t be in here.” “I’m not fucking going anywhere, especially if my wife is in danger.” Tommy just shook his head in reply. “Danger?” you asked suddenly, “What does he mean in danger?” “No danger, love,” Ada soothed you, “if you just push.” And so you pushed, with every bit of strength you had in you. But then a gunshot sounded outside, followed rapidly by another two. Everyone looked up. “John,” Tommy clarified with a single word. “You’re being awfully cavalier about baby brother John getting shot there, Tommy…” Alfie commented. Tommy looked at Alfie with a frown that spoke volumes, “John just shot Sabini’s men. I told him to.” “Oh, good. Saves me the bloody trip.” “I can see some hair!” Ada called out suddenly. “What colour?” Alfie replied at once. And John stuck his head around the corner of the door, “Took care of them.” “We heard,” Aunt Polly grumbled. He hopped from one foot onto the other uncertainly, “Anything else I can do?” “Yeah, you can fuck off mate!” “Alright, I’ll stay, since you asked so nicely.” “John, just get the fuck out!” your sister shouted. The birth was chaos enough as it was and now all these boys were only adding to it instead of helping. And on top of it all, Finn stumbled in practically falling over his own feet with a bucket of water, splashing Aunt Polly in the process. This was more like a madhouse than a family occasion. But John pointed at Alfie indignantly, “He gets to stay!” “Push, Y/N,” Polly urged again, and so you did. “Nice one,” John laughed at Finn, “you literally had one job, mate.” “Mrs. Gray?” Alfie asked carefully, “Sorry to interrupt you there, alright, but I just wanted to quickly check, because you mentioned the hair, yeah? What colour? Because I’m sure I’ll love my son all the same if he’s blond, but I might just need to mentally prepare myself…” And then you finally burst out in anger, “Can you all just shut the fuck up for a second! I’m actually trying to have a fucking baby here!!” “Right, sorry about that love,” Alfie moved closer to you and grabbed your hand again, “Please continue. You’re doing brilliantly, even if he is blond…” Tommy chuckled lightly in the background, which made you even more angry somehow, “Alfie, I swear to God or Adonai or whatever you want to call him, do nottouch me again because remember how you said you couldn’t remember your circumcision?”

“Yes,” Alfie mumbled in mortal fear.

“You will remember when I do it. Remember how you told me of your rabbi doing it when boys are eight days old, because then it heals faster?”

“Yes...” he gulped.

“I’ll make it slow sweetheart. Really fucking slow.”

“Right,” he said with big eyes, “What exactly would you have me do then except for just standing here like some great big bloody useless piece of shit?”

“Shut up!”

“Noted.” *** You weren’t sure what had happened exactly in that last hour. Apparently you’d lost a lot of blood and things had gotten hazy very quickly. Ada and Aunt Polly had stopped talking altogether and they had managed to save you, despite the bickering men in the background. You did remember that Alfie and Arthur had gotten into a fight at one point, but apparently they managed to resolve it quickly when the doctor arrived and they took turns in beating him up because he was no longer needed. Anger really does bring people together.

Of course, none of that really mattered now, because you were now holding a perfect baby right there, in your arms. Finn just stared at the baby, completely in awe. “Not blond…” John sounded a little disappointed. Arthur grinned, “But bloody perfect.” “Gorgeous, just like the mother,” Polly hugged you carefully. “Shelby good looks.” Tommy nodded slowly, with a sense of pride in his voice. “Any names yet?” Ada asked, “I bet you’ve picked them out ages ago, haven’t you?” “I have,” you smiled, “but couldn’t say them out loud yet, so we didn’t really discuss it. It’s bad luck.”

Uncharacteristically, Alfie hadn’t said a word yet.

“Mr. Solomons?” you said, gazing up from your one love to the other, “I believe you have a daughter.” And finally he smiled, deeply and incredibly in love as he held her tight with both hands. And in the most tender way possible he looked at you, grinned and said, “Fucking hell!”

***

Masterlist

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mimzy-writing-online · 3 years

Note

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

#blindness #whumptober #fanfiction #whump #whumptober 2021 #blind character #disability #ableism #anon

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shirecorn · 3 years

Note

how about 17 and 24? what inspires you and how do you deal with art block?

Long post warning.

Art block...

I don't actually get art block, which is probably a combination of neurodivergence and drawing every day for the last 3 years

I wrote an entire tutorial about how to do that, but didn't feel like illustrating it. Would people want to read it even without visuals?

Maybe... I'll just start rambling.

There's a couple different types of art block, and it's really just a philosophy puzzle to get past them. I'm going to assume that the things I think of slow days, or art mud, is a milder form of art block and work through that.

Art block is a symptom, not a disease. You probably have something deep inside that you don't want to face, or don't know how. Sometimes you need to discover the cause, sometimes just power through.

Method 1: Rest

Let yourself just Exist. The act of consuming art is part of the process. Watching shows and playing games, taking a break and going gardening or focus on school. This is what you need for burnout-induced art block.

Method 2: Action

I always choose action, sometimes it means a tiny 2 min sketch per day. Ugly or super simplified. As long as I don't stop moving.

Toss everything. Start every piece thinking you will throw it away.

The act of drawing moves you forward; pinning it to the fridge does not. Don't work things until they are perfect. Work them until they are there.

Art block causes and solutions:

- No Inspiration

Not sure what to draw, nothing seems appealing. Art won't come out like it used to.

Do studies from life or photos. Sketch, paint, digital, traditional, doesn't matter. Rocks, fruit, figure drawing, landscapes, buildings, anything.

Study and copy professional's work. Old masters are best, like rubens, michalangelo (only his men tho) etc because they will teach you anatomy while you work. If you copy someone with a lot of flaws, you will repeat those flaws.

Trace to learn, not to earn. Trace photography and art from anyone you want. Don't post it unless you have the artist's permission or they are dead, whichever comes first. This is strictly work for yourself, on yourself. It's not about the finished drawing.

Find an artist with a fun style and try converting stuff into their style. Don't make that your new style though and especially don't start selling it. Your style is a chimera of everyone you love, not a clone of one person.

Take blurry photos. You don't need a fancy camera or good skills or beautiful subjects. Doing studies from your own photos can spark life into your workflow.

Make challenges for yourself. Randomly generate things to combine. Try fusing characters! Don't try to make it look good, just be fun.

Doodle patterns, swirls, lines, random stuff. Try looking up art warmups and doing some of those.

- Everything Sucks

You finally see how bad you are. Or somehow you got worse. Every piece is a fight and you spend hours trying to get something right only for it to be stiff and disgusting and STILL wrong.

Why are you trying to draw good? It's enough just to draw.

Accept that your art is bad. Every artist can see flaws in their work. Your problem is that those flaws outweigh anything remotely worthwhile and hurt to look at.

So what? You're in a period of growth, not a period of production. Keep that wonky second eye. Let them have hot dog fingers.

Show everyone! Show no one! No piece of art can ever be a reflection of the artist. Not their worth, not their skill. The only thing your art says about you is "Held and moved a pen for a bit."

Make bad art. It's ok. Most of the time, the pressure to perform and get things Right is what made them wrong in the first place. Relax.

- No Motivation

The #1 killer of artists everywhere. On some level you think you should draw, on every other level you think you should stay in bed.

You are not lazy. You wouldn't have read this far in a post about art block if you were lazy. You wouldn't CALL it art block if you were lazy. Laziness is wishing you didn't have to do anything. A block is wishing you were doing something. If you think you can namecall Yourself into productivity again, you're wrong and You need to unionize so that you don't treat You like that anymore.

Consider Mental Illness. Losing interest in something that brought you joy can be a symptom of depression. I know it seems obvious, but if you're waiting for a sign that it's "bad enough," it's bad enough. Seek care if you have the means. Forgive yourself if you already know this.

Selfcare. Examine yourself for neglect. Nutrition, exercise, enrichment, social need, and sleep are all part of the art process. Eat three meals and sleep 8 hours. That's your gaymer fuel. You deserve it, I promise. Depriving yourself of your needs will make your blocks worse, not kick you into making them better.

Identify potholes. Sketchbook falling apart? Tablet cord frayed? Half your pencils missing? Chair uncomfortable? Desk hard to reach? There's a lot of things that you tell yourself to work around and get over. Just because you CAN workaround something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. A difficult work environment can cause secret dread deep inside that you don't recognize and just think you're lazy. What you think of as "no motivation" might actually be "I don't want to deal with my tablet disconnecting every time I move it wrong and I have to wiggle it for a few seconds to make it work again." These little things are like potholes in the road. Sure you CAN still drive through them, but eventually you're going to look up and realize you haven't voluntarily left the house in weeks.

Repair potholes and roadblocks. You might feel bad about buying a new pencil, headphones, tablet, car, etc because technically the old one works if you hustle. But if you're running into so many potholes you've ground to a halt, it doesn't Actually work anymore, does it? Invest, save up, request, and require working equipment and suitable conditions. This stuff isn't just cushy privilege, it's an investment in yourself and your art. You are worth the effort it takes to clear the way. If you can't afford reliable (reliable! not perfect or luxurious) equipment, then say it. If cardboard is all you can afford, draw on cardboard. But know that you deserve canvas, and one day you might be able to make the jump. Acknowledge that sometimes, if you don't have it in you to smear burned twigs on wet cardboard, the problem isn't motivation, but opportunity.

- Haven't Drawn in So Long

A unique type of art block that self perpetuates. The thought of starting again is so stressful you can't do it. Or maybe you'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow for sure.

Face your fears. Are you ashamed of your lack of drawing? Are you anthropomorphizing your paper and thinking it's going to judge you, like "oh NOW you come back >:/" I internalize voices I hear and project them onto other people, concepts, locations, and inanimate objects. Your paper, computer, WIPs folder.... none of that is judging you.

Reframe your WIPs. Do you feel shame when you see "unfinished" projects? Why? Who says you MUST bring everything you start to Finish? You don't have to. A sketch is a finished art piece; it's called a sketch! If a sketch is a fully realized creation, pages that are half colored, 75% lined, or partially rendered are all fully realized creations too. Unless paid otherwise, art is done when you're done working on it.

Lower the stakes. Draw a chibi or grab some crayons. Get messy and slowly ease yourself back into the flow over the course of a couple days. It's fine.

Get a buddy! Find an art meme, do an art trade, get a study subject, or just wing it. Drawing art alongside someone can help you get past that block.

Pretend you never stopped. Don't think about the gap, how long it's been, or rustiness. As far as anyone knows, you drew the mona lisa yesterday and didn't break a sweat. Today, you drew a starfish on your hand with a gel pen. Keep up that streak, good job!

Just keep drawing. Make a goal to do one sucky drawing per day on the back of a napkin. Don't make up for missed days, just pretend they didn't happen. Who's going to judge you? The calendar? That's pieces of paper; it doesn't have an opinion. Draw a cat on it. Done. Keeping up the momentum is a great way to prevent art blocks in the future.

TLDR: Draw imperfectly and toss it. Selfcare is king. Draw often and don't judge yourself.

Art is a process, not a product.

#shire screams #art tips #ask #art block #long post

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illegal-spiegel · 3 years

Text

Firsts w/ Kaoru

Pairing: Kaoru Hitachiin x gn!reader Genre: fluff Warnings: none

first meeting:

y’all met through, you guessed it, The Host Club

it wasn’t your idea to go

but Haruhi, poor, sweet, innocent Haruhi, was about to lose her marbles

she practically got onto her knees to beg you to keep her company

and what kind of friend would you be if you declined?

(you mainly just went because she bribed you with free tea and desserts)

when you showed up to Music Room #3, it was all that you were expecting and not at all what you were expecting at the same time

you eventually spotted Haruhi through all the people and eventually made your way over to her

the look on her face was almost comical

she bid her guests she was entertaining farewell and they left with watery eyes

you covered your mouth to hide your giggles as you took a seat on the soft couch across from her

“Thank god you showed up,” she groaned as she slumped back into her seat

you let your giggles out freely, studying her tired form

“Awe, is Haruhi tired of flirting?” you teased

she only grunted in response, closing her eyes and letting out a content sigh

you hummed in return, picking up a cookie that was on the table and started to munch on it

you two had a few minutes of silent peace before it was rudely interrupted

“Oh, Haruhi!” you hear two voices shout from behind you in unison

you swear you saw an irk mark appear on her forehead

you raise your brow and go to turn around to see who was causing her so much trouble just by saying two words when two people were suddenly leaning over the back of the couch you were sitting on

you looked to your left and saw a boy your and Haruhi’s age

you turned to the right and had to do a double-take when you saw the same face

‘these must be the infamous twins,’ you thought as you studied them

“What?” Haruhi groaned with dead eyes

you could see the smirks come onto the two boys’ faces

“What are you doing slacking off-” the one on the right started off

“-when you have a guest?” the left one finished you raised a brow at them as you pursed your lips

“She could ask you two the same thing? Why aren’t you tending to your guests?” you defended

the twins’ eyes widened as they turned to look at you, both silently studying you for a moment

“We got bored-”

“-so we came to see what Haruhi was doing.”

your brows furrowed as you look to the one on your left

“You just left your guests?”

Haruhi was the one to respond

“Kaoru probably ran out of fake tears,” she said with a smirk

the twins’ attention went back to her, the one on the right’s eyes widening

“Fake tears? My tears are real!” he defended

you took a mental note that the one on your right was Kaoru. Haruhi may have told you about them before but you were terrible with names

Haruhi only grunted in response before closing her eyes again

you saw their mouths open, ready to bother her some more

so, being the good friend you are, you quickly said something before they could

“Just leave her alone, okay? How about you entertain me?” you offered

from what Haruhi has told you, the twins liked to mess around with people. Whether it is playing pranks and tricks or just annoying them

so, you figured they’d happily take you up on the offer to ‘entertain’ you

as soon as you finished your sentence, a smirk was curling up on their lips

“Entertain you?”

“Why, we’d be honored!”

they ended up trying to actually do so at first, using their little brotherly love act

you quickly shut that down

once they realized you knew all their secrets, including Haruhi being a girl, there was a sudden shift in the way they acted towards you

they were more open suddenly

hanging out:

after meeting, he instantly took a liking to you

he and his brother wanted to become friends with you, mainly to annoy Haruhi

they hung out with you as much as you allowed them to, which was often so you could give Haruhi a break

it took a couple weeks for Kaoru to work up the nerve to ask you to hangout with him without his brother there as well

you were surprised when he asked you, to say the least

“Hey, would you wanna go to this museum with me? I somehow won free tickets in class and Hikaru doesn’t want to go. I, uh, know it sounds boring but—”

“I’d love to go with you, Kaoru,” you reassure with a big, warm smile

it was the first time he felt his heart do something weird in his chest

that weekend, you two went to the museum and honestly had a really good time

you two pretty much just wandered around and talked the entire time, which was several hours

he found it surprising and like a fresh breath of air at how easy it was to talk to you

he liked studying you when you would stare at something before you, your figure glowing under the big lights

he knew by the time you two left that he had feelings for you

first hug:

you two hugged for the first when he took you home from the museum, actually

his palms were sweating just from thinking of doing it

he tried to tell himself that it wasn’t a big deal but he was just so nervous

he opened the car door for you when you reached your house and even walked you to the door

“Thanks for today, Kaoru,” you say softly, giving him that radiant smile that he loves so much

“It was nothing. I’m just glad you agreed to go,” he admits with a small chuckle

you giggle in return and then you both go into silence

“Well, I’ll see you at school on Monday,” you say to break the silence

without another word, he quickly pulls you into the hug then

he hears and feels you gasp, your arms staying by your side for a moment before slowly wrapping back around him

“Yeah, see you on Monday,” he whispers, still holding onto you

you two hug each other a little longer than necessary but neither of you cared

when you finally did let go of each other, both of your faces were warm

“Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper a little breathlessly

“Goodnight, (Y/n),” he whispers back, finally stepping back to let you go inside

he walks back to his car and watches you unlock your door to make sure you get inside okay

he then finally leaves with a racing heart and a red face

first time holding hands:

after going to the museum together, you two slowly started to get closer

you texted more often, always called, hung out without Hikaru more, and so on

it didn’t take long for you to fall for him but you were unsure if he liked you back

well, that is until October came around

the boys decided they wanted to do a haunted house type thing for their monthly event

after Kyoya talked it over with the principal, the club got permission to do it and to have it held inside the entire school

Kyoya went all out too. He hired professional actors and businesses to scare in the school

the club held it during Halloween weekend, that way they could clean up all the props before Monday

the club made a killer with the amount of people that wanted to participate and walk through the ‘haunted’ school

on Sunday, after the ‘maze’ closed, the host club decided that they should be able to walk through it as well

that’s how you ended up partnered up with Kaoru to walk through together

you two went last out of all of the groups, both of your hearts racing as you two walked into your dark school

after the first jump scare, you two clung together before relaxing until the next scare

after a few scares, you two just ended up holding hands the whole way through

you honestly didn’t even really notice since you were too focused on what’s around the corner, what’s in that room, or what that sound was

but Kaoru’s entire focused was on your hand in his, the way your skin looked, the way it felt

when you came out the back main exit of the school though, you instantly noticed

you both shyly smiled as you let go, trying to ignore everyone’s teasing as you all started cleaning up

first date:

it wasn’t until mid-November that Kaoru asked you out on a date

you both were blushing like crazy as he stuttered out his date proposal and it was the most enduring thing you’ve ever seen

he asked you out, to which you instantly said yes to, but when you asked where you two would be going, he refused to tell you

he ended up taking you to a festival that was in town after you said that you didn’t want him wasting a lot of money on you

plus, he’s really competitive, so it’s fun to play games with him

you two tease each other back and forth the whole night, both of you winning a lot of games

he even won you a stuffed animal to which you playfully named it Hikaru

he ended up getting too much cotton candy and begged you to help him finish it

you two spent the entire day there and when the sun started to set, he dragged you onto the ferris wheel

it was very cliché but he kisses you at the top and you loved every second of it

when he drove you home, neither of you were ready for the night to end

so, you just ended up sitting in the car for hours just talking up a storm

when your first yawn is released, he does his best to ignore it but after the second time, he sighs and gives you a soft smile

“You should head inside. I’ll text you when I get home, okay?” he says quietly, secretly wishing he didn’t say anything when you start to pout

you rub at your eye though as you yawn again, slowly nodding your head

“Okay. Goodnight, Kaoru,” you whisper sweetly before hugging him

just before you get out of the car, you quickly peck his cheek before practically flying out of the vehicle

he chuckles at how flustered you are as you walk to the door of your home

he makes sure you get inside okay before driving back home

he sticks to his word and texts you when he arrives at home to which you both stayed up late texting each other because you didn’t want the mystical night to come to an end

first time giving a gift:

(we ain’t counting the stuffed animal (Hikaru) he gave you on your first date)

you two had been together for 3 months when Kaoru decided to get you something to celebrate

he asked all your friends along with all the people in the Host Club what they think you’d like

he got many ideas ranging from clothes to food

he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to get you but he’d figure it should be something nice but ‘simple’

on the day of your 3 months together, he picks you up from your house and takes you on a date

you tried telling him that you two didn’t have to celebrate the 3 month mark, but he wasn’t having it

“You’re special to me and being together this long means a lot to me,” he said softly to you before kissing the back of your hand

he ends up taking you to a hill that looks over most of the town, a smile coming to your face when you see the view

“It’s beautiful,” you reply when he asks what you think

“Not as beautiful as you,” he teases, shooting you a wink before hauling the picnic basket over to the blanket he set down for you both

after setting everything up and getting comfy, you two dig into the food that he made

once you two have had your fill, you curl up together and watch the sunset

just before the sun completely sinks below the horizon, he pulls away from you a bit to reach into the basket

“Here,” is all he says as he offers you a rectangular box covered in velvet

you raise your brow up at him but gently take it from him and open it up

you jaw drops open a bit when you see what rests inside, your heart skipping a beat as your tummy fills with butterflies

“Oh, Kaoru...” you whisper breathlessly, staring down at the intricate necklace

“Do you like it?” he whispers, worriedly staring at your shocked face

“I, um, got it to represent our first date at the festival...” he continues when you don’t reply. “Sorry, I know it’s ugl—”

“No! No, I love it, Kaoru,” you quickly interrupt when he starts to backpedal. “Sorry, I just was thinking that it looks kind of expensive...”

“Well, ha, you see—”

“Kaoru, how much did you spend on this?”

he stays quiet for a moment, knowing how you’d react when he tells you

he finally pipes up when you give him the look™️

“It was, um, ¥43,687...”

“Kaoru Hitachiin!” you screech, fully turning to face him with a horrified expression

“What? It’s not that bad!” he shouts, his cheeks starting to warm for some reason

“Not that bad? Not that bad? You’re right. ¥43,687 is way worse than bad!”

he groans and rolls his eyes, taking the box from you and taking the necklace out

“Turn around.”

“No way! What if I break it? What if I lose it? What if—”

“What if zombies raised from the ground right now and killed me? Bam! Dead! Wouldn’t you want something to remember me by?” he teases with a smirk

it’s your turn to huff and roll your eyes now

“That would never happen.”

“Well, yours would never happen either,” he argues

“Yes it could!”

“We can go back and forth all day, sweetheart. We can never know the future and it’s best to just live in the present.”

When you don’t reply, he smiles at you and holds up the necklace

“You like it, right?”

“Well yes, but—“

“And you like me, right?”

“Kaoru—”

“Do you?”

“Yes! But, Kaoru—”

“Then put it on!”

you two have a stare off before you give in, letting out a hefty sigh and turning to put your back to him

he slips the necklace onto you and your hand instantly goes to the ferris wheel pendant resting between your collar bones

“There. Ya see? That wasn’t so bad and you look even more beautiful than usual.”

your cheeks warm with the compliment as you spin around to face him again

“Shut up and kiss me,” you snap with a pout

he chuckles and leans forward to do just that

first “I love you”:

you both actually wanted to say this on your picnic date but both ended up chickening out since you both thought it was too soon

ever since then, you both have tried and failed to say it

when is the right time to say it? How long do you have to be dating for it to be okay? What if the other person wasn’t ready to say it back yet?

yeah, a lot of unnecessary worries and insecurities

it isn’t until it’s almost your sixth month anniversary that Kaoru finally works up the nerve to say it

he was planning a little get away vacation for you two during the summer

when you came over to his house one day to hangout, he first plays it cool

you two do the normal stuff whenever you two hangout, watch your show, makeout a little, make food, the works

after you two are done eating and go to continue watching your show, he stops you

“Hey, there’s something I want to show you.”

you raise your brow at this, wondering what he could want to show you

maybe a new show he wants to watch?

“Yeah?” you ask, watching him pull something out from between the couch cushions

he hands over an envelope to you with a smirk, making your brows furrow

a letter?

“Go on. Open it,” he says with a chuckle

you let out a short hum in reply and begin to open it up

you pull out two tickets to something, turning them around to look at the front

“Are these first class tickets to Italy?” you ask, your voice trembling a bit

“Yeah! I figured it was about time we went somewhere together!”

you shake your head and offer the tickets back to him, feeling as if you’re going to be sick

“Kaoru, no. This is too much. I don’t need to go somewhere far or fancy or expensive to have fun with you,” you force out with wide eyes

he frowns at your words, refusing to take the tickets out of your shaky hands

“What? (Y/n), this is an amazing opportunity! Besides, these tickets were for me and Hikaru to go with our mom to one of her fashion shows in Italy. Hikaru is grounded now though for that stunt he pulled in class and she asked if I’d like to take you instead,” he explains with a soft smile, bringing his hand to your free one to give it a squeeze

you relax a bit at this news, now knowing he didn’t waste thousands of yen on you

“Your mom offered?” He nods his head. “You’re sure she doesn’t mind me coming?”

“Of course not, baby. You haven’t been around her much since she works so often, but she really does like you. She wouldn’t have asked you to come if she didn’t want you there. Plus, she has to punish Hikaru somehow.”

you chuckle at that last part with a nod of your head

“Okay, fine. I’ll ask my parents about it and see if they’ll be okay with me going,” you agree

he lets out an excited squeal and surges towards you for a hug

“Yes! You’re the best! I love you!”

at the three words, you both freeze and stare at each other, both of your faces heating up to a dangerous degree

“Sorry, I, um, I d—”

“I love you too, Kaoru,” you rush out before he can take it back

his grin comes right back to his face before he kisses you passionately

first trip together:

turns out your parents were okay with you going since Kaoru’s mom will be there

when you three were on the plane, you and Kaoru leaned against each other the entire time

to keep you busy, you two watched your show and movies, played card games, played games with each other on your phones, and so on

when you all finally reach your destination, you’re exhausted but you instantly perk up when you reach your ride to your hotel

you climb into the limo and both you and your boyfriend ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the beautiful scenery

when you get to the hotel, his mother announces that Hikaru will share a bed with her while you get the other one. You don’t really mind since she’s paying for all this and you’re in Italy for crying out loud, but Kaoru whines and pouts for at least fifteen minutes

once you’re all in your jammies, you all practically pass out as soon as your heads hit the pillows

you three were there for two weeks and you and Kaoru had so many cute dates

you went hiking, rode on gondolas, went on tours, took cooking classes, saw a musical, visited ancient buildings, went to the beach and did lots of swimming (where Kaoru got burned), and lots more!

his mom even let you participate in her fashion show

she dressed you up in expensive clothing and pushed you to walk on the runway

you were nervous at first but eventually got into it the more claps and cheers (from Kaoru) you got

it was honestly some of the best days of your entire life

when it was the last day of being in Italy, Kaoru took you on your last date in the beautiful country

you both shared lots of ‘I love you’s followed by several kisses

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

MASTERLIST

More with Kaoru

Tag List: @pointlesslygay, @katsuhera ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

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i-cant-sing · 3 years

Text

Yandere Rei Hurting Reader Pt2

Yes yes. Its out now. I won't delete this one. Enjoy!

Part 1 is here. Part 3 here.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more!

Yandere Todoroki Clan:

It had been so awful at first. So hard for everyone to adjust to the new change. Of course, it was especially difficult for you to adapt to the new circumstances.

When you had first woken up after the unfortunate incident, approximately 3 days later, you didn't expect to be home so soon. You expected- you hoped that you would wake up in the hospital and have them call the authorities. Then again, you also didn't expect never being able to use your eyes again.

Shotou was the first one to notice when you had woken up from your coma. He hadn't left your side since the accident. He jumped from his seat beside you and held the glass of water to your lips when you tried to speak. The family came rushing in when he called for them, announcing that you had woken up. You could hear Fuyumi and her crying tears of joy as Natsuo came to check your vitals. You knew your eyes were bandaged, which was expected because of the hot oil that was poured on them, but when you asked Natsuo when they were coming off, he went silent. Your heart sank when he told you what had happened, how your eyes were fucking fried to the point that the arteries supplying them were also destroyed, which meant they couldn't be replaced, ever.

You screamed a lot that day; you would've cried but you didn't have any tear ducts. You didn't let anyone touch you at first, especially Rei. You would scream, throw yourself away from her if you felt her come near you. Eventually, Natsuo put some sort of tranquilliser into your IV, finally calming you down.

Being blind was hard, you knew that. But you didn't know that it would also be this humiliating. After the accident, they had starting infantalizing you even more, doing the most miniscule things for you.

Shotou would be the first person who greeted you in the morning and usually the last person to put you to bed at night. He would carry you around everywhere you go, telling you its simply unsafe for you to walk on your own. Sure you bumped into the furniture a few times and it was a bit hard maintaining your balance, but that didn't mean you needed him to carry you around everywhere. You had asked him to get you a cane, but he only said "why do you need a stick when you have me? Just tell me where you want to go".

Each morning, Shotou would take you down the stairs to the toilet and more often than not, have Fuyumi come and help you, even for brushing your teeth. Then he would take you to the dining table where everyone is waiting for you. Fuyumi would give your breakfast to Shotou, who would cut it up and feed you. Once you're done eating, you would wait for Shotou to finish his food. During breakfast, everyone would make small talk while you remained quiet. After everyone's finished eating, Fuyumi and Rei would take dishes to sink. You would've helped, but everyone's pretty much forbidden you from entering the kitchen.

Shotou would then carry you either to his room or the living room, where he would turn on the TV and tell you what's happening. But since this always makes you remember how you don't have eyes, he would usually just read you some book. Somehow, they're always about princesses and fairytales. You were getting sick of hearing them.

Fuyumi would later come and fetch you, and take you to your bath. While you would be cleaning yourself, after politely declining help from Fuyumi each time, she would be out preparing your clothes for the day. She would explain to you what you're wearing and how you look, and how she's going to style your hair. As if any of these things mattered to you. But even if they did, its not like you'd have a say in anything.

You still remember the first time you were taking a bath, after finally convincing Fuyumi to let you have the "luxury" to clean yourself up. You finally had some time for yourself, alone and away from the rest of the house. You sank in the warm water in the tub, allowing yourself to relax. The privacy was comforting, but not long lasting, as you felt cold hands touch your shoulders. In an instant, you jumped away screaming. "GET AWAY FROM ME! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Rei tried coming closer to you but you kept on screeching at the top of your lungs, alerting the whole house. "FUYUMI! SHOTOU! GET HER AWAY! SHOTOU GET HER AWAY!" At that point you didn't even care if they saw you nude, they just need to save you from her. The siblings rushed to the bathroom and upon seeing your huddled form in the corner and their mother sobbing, Fuyumi hastily covered you with a towel while Shotou took Rei out of there.

Shotou tried to make you understand that Rei was just trying to help you. That she just missed you and wanted to take care of you. He was basically telling you not to be afraid of her, and that your trauma is not valid. You stopped talking to him after that, only spoke when absolutely necessary.

Natsuo would pick you up after your bath while Fuyumi went to make lunch. He would check your eyes (or lack there of), put on some ointments and replace the bandages with fresh ones. Fuyumi would come with your lunch and after she'd fed you, Natsuo would give you your medicine. They always make you sleepy, so you'd be put down for a nap.

Dabi wasn't always around, but when he was, he was still the asshole he was before. He would move your things to different places, or place stuff in your way so that'd you'd trip (he always caught you before you face planted), all so that you would ask him for help he could get a rise out of you. But you would just sigh and move on.

Enji liked to take you to the garden and read you books and newspapers. It was alright you guess, but you wanted to do something yourself, especially since they still didn't take you out of the house. You had asked him for a Braille, but he only replied "You don't need to stress yourself with that. I'll always be there to read you whatever you want."

If Enji's running late, then Shotou would take you to the swings in the garden, pushing you as he tells what happened at school or with friends. After dinner, you’d be forced to spend some more time with your siblings, before you’d be tucked into bed.

That has been the routine for the past 6 months since your accident. And the family really felt like everything was returning to normal. It was, for them. This is how they always wanted things to happen: you, locked up in the house while they stripped you of all autonomy and infantalized you to the point where it was harming you, both physically and mentally. Your body was growing weak, your muscles got easily fatigued from their lack of use. And the pills Natsuo gave you didn't really help the case. They made you sleepy, and you think they even caused hallucinations since you felt like someone was in your room or someone was playing with your hair.

Even though you were stuck at home all day, you still never talked to Rei. Well she tried, but you would be the one to always flinch away. She wouldn't address herself when she entered your room, but you would still feel her lurking around the corners. And why should you acknowledge her? Especially after what she's done?

Enji wasnt ignorant of your condition. He could see how quiet you had gotten, and how scared you were of Rei. He was getting worried for you. What were you thinking about? Enji knew if he didn't talk to you, things will get worse.

You were sitting by the lounge window with Fuyumi who was telling you about her day. Fuyumi greeted him when he came in the room. "Hey, dad!" Enji nodded. "Fuyumi, would you leave us? I'd like to talk to Y/n." Fuyumi nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead before she left the room, only Enji noticing how you stiffened at her affection. He sat beside you and cleared his throat. "How are you?" "Fine. You?"you softly asked. "I'm good, too. I wanted to talk to you about something. About...your mom." "My mom's dead." Enji cleared his throat. "I meant Rei." "Oh. What about her?" "Why haven't you been talking to her?" You remained silent. “What happened was an accident-” “It wasnt an accident. An accident is spilling milk. Not pouring hot oil in someone’s eyes.” Enji knew this was coming.“She didn’t do it on purpose-” You cut him off again. “She did! She knew exactly what she was doing.” “Why would she do that?” “I don’t know. She hates me or something.” Enji grabbed your hand gently. “You know that's not true. Rei loves you very much and she cares about you a lot.” You didn't say anything. “Do you remember the day you came to our house?” You nodded. “Yeah. It was a few days after my parents funeral.” “Yes. And do you remember what Rei said to you?” You stiffened before nodding again. “She said that she may not be my real mother, but she’ll love me more than anyone ever has and ever will. Always.” “Yes. And has she not? Has she not loved you more than anyone?” You nodded slowly as Enji continued. “Between you and me, she’s always favoured you among all of your siblings.” You smiled at that. “So, are you willing to give your mother a chance?” You paused for a few minutes. “I- I cant.” Enji sighed. “Look. I know you’re scared. I understand. I know you want to blame Rei for what happened, but believe me when I tell you it wasn't her fault. It was an accident.” You shook your head. “And what if another “accident” like that happens again? And what if I dont survive this time? And what if-” Your voice broke down. Enji pulled you into his lap. “It won't. I promise. And if something like that does occur, I’ll be there to stop it.” Enji pressed a kiss to your hair. “I’ll save you. I promise.”

With Enji's persuasion, you had started mending your relationship with Rei again. Sure, you still flinched when she touched you and you were still hesitant to initiate conversations with her, but none of that bothered Rei. You were trusting her again, and she was more than happy to do more on her part to make you comfortable.

And you won't lie, but life was better with Rei. She knew when Dabi or Shotou were becoming too overbearing, or when Natsuo was fussing over you for no reason. She was there to stop Fuyumi from chatting your ear away, and knew when to stop Enji from feeding you too many sweets.

And Enji could see that Rei was sorry for what she did. He saw how she would often massage ointments on your face, her fingers barely tracing the charred area around your eyes before pulling away quickly. And other times, like today, as he stood by your bedroom door, he saw how gentle she was with you as she tucked you into your bed. He kissed his wife once she had left your room. "How are my girls doing?" Enji asked Rei in a hushed voice, not wanting to wake you up. Rei smiled. "Good." They slowly started walking back to their room. "Shes an angel, Enji. So sweet." Enji hummed in agreement. "Can I tell you something?" Enji stopped and turned to face his wife. He raised an eyebrow. "I'm kind of glad what happened...to her." Rei was smiling. "She's so much better like this. So docile now. I...I don't regret what I did, you know?" Enji's blood ran cold. "Rei... dont tell me- you didn't do that on purpose, did you?" Rei nodded, a bit too eagerly. "I know, I know. It wasn't ethical. And if I could, I would've taken away her pain in a heartbeat. But you must agree that its much better now, right?" Enji couldn't believe what Rei was confessing. "I mean, look at her now. She doesn't even try running away. She knows- she feels safer with us, inside." Rei sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I thought that maybe it wouldn't come to this. I thought that after Touya took care of her parents, she'd be a bit more scared to be outside on her own. That's why we told her they died in a car crash." Rei rested her cheek on his chest. "It scares me what I'm willing to do for her, Enji." Enji knew Dabi had something to do with what happened to your parents, but knowing Rei had a hand in it too, or more precisely, she was the one who told Touya to get rid of them. Enji didn't know what to do with this new side of his wife. But he did know he had to keep her hidden from you, so he ushered his wife to their bedroom, not knowing you had already heard them.

You had realised a couple of things that night. One, Rei and Dabi had murdered your parents. Two, Rei pouring the hot oil in your eyes wasn't some sort of psychotic episode. Three, Enji and the others were going to take Rei's side, no matter what.

A few weeks later, your birthday came around. The siblings had left the house to get some things for your birthday party, leaving you in the care of their parents. Rei was in the kitchen cooking up a whole feast for you, while you sat beside Enji in the lounge as he read the newspaper. Enji had already given you your present. It was giant teddy bear with chocolates from Belgium. They were utterly delicious. When you stood up, he asked you where you were going. You pointed at the box of chocolates in your hand. "I'm going to share them with, mom. Unless, thats not okay?"you asked meekly. Enji still wasn't all that comfortable with letting you and Rei be alone, especially after her confession. But... if he doesn't let you go to her alone, you'll always be afraid of her. And its not like Rei will hurt you again, right? Besides, the kitchen is just down the hallway. He's sure nothing will happen. He nodded. "Okay. Should I walk you there?" "No. Its down the hall. I think I'll be fine on my own." Enji then allowed you to go, telling you to call for him if you need anything.

Rei was chopping up some vegetables when she heard your footsteps. She turned around to find you standing just outside the kitchen. "Hey, angel! What are you doing here?" You remained outside the kitchen as you spoke. "I wanted to share these chocolates dad got for me. W-would you like some?" Oh, you're so kind. Rei quickly wiped her hands on a kitchen towel before walking towards you and leading you to the dining room in front of the kitchen. She helped you sit down before taking a seat next to you. "You want me to have your chocolates? But didn't daddy gift them to you?" You bit your lip as you replied. "Well yes, but I- I wanted to share them with you so that I could- I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And for loving me. I would've gotten you something else but I'm not allowed to go outside..."you mumbled the last sentence, but that didn't matter as Rei quickly hugged you. "Oh honey! You're so sweet!" Rei took a piece of chocolate from the box that you had extended towards her. "And these chocolates are so delicious! Daddy really loves to spoil you, doesnt he?" Rei pinched your cheek gently. You smiled. "I'm glad you liked them. Especially, after all you've done for me. You deserve them more than I do, honestly." Rei stopped at that. "Honey...what are you talking about?" You smiled. "What? Am I not saying the truth? You deserve these chocolates, and all the sweets and flowers and medals for being the best mother." You popped a chocolate into your mouth before continuing. "After all, the criteria is very high. You need to not only have the intent to kill for your child, but you also have to commit murder. Then kidnap your child and force her to bide to your rules. And if she misbehaves, you must punish her as well, right? Because good behaviour gets chocolate," You popped another chocolate into your mouth. "And bad behaviour gets your eyes fried."

Rei just stared at you in disbelief. H-how did you- you didn't hear them talking last night did you? Or did Dabi tell you? Rei stared at you as you ate another piece of chocolate. "I wonder after you've killed me, will you be given chocolates or flowers?" "D-darling, w-what are you saying? I would never hurt you!" You chuckled darkly. "No no. You've done it before and I know you'll do it again. After all, it scares you what you're willing to do for me." You caressed her cheeks, and when you felt her tears, you wiped them. "I'm not saying you have the intention to kill me. No, you'll just hurt me again, another little accident, but this time I won't survive. I just hope you'll bury me somewhere where there's a lot of fresh air, maybe on a hill with a view?" Rei finally broke down at that, falling to her knees as she clung to your legs. "Please! Y/n please forgive me! Please baby, I- I just wanted the best for you. I don't want you to die, I- I promise I'll never hurt you again! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Please baby, I'll do anything. Just forgive me!" You sighed. "Anything? I don't think you mean that." Rei nodded her vigorously, tears falling everywhere. "I do! I do! Just tell me what to do!" You tapped your chin, pretending to think. "Bring a knife. A sharp one." Rei's eyes widened. "W-What?" "Well...its only right for you to be punished as well. To atone for your sins, right?" "O-okay." Rei went to the kitchen and brought a big knife with her. "Lock the door." She did as you told her. You extended your palm, waiting for her to place the knife. She did. You stood up, right in front of Rei. You told her to stand against a wall, and she followed. You played with the sharp end if the knife. "I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you so bad. I want you to feel the pain, the hell you've put me through." This is it, Rei thought, you're going to kill her. For some reason, she was okay with that. "I want you to know you failed. I want you to know you're a bad mother. A selfish, bad mother." Rei was full on sobbing now. "Look at me. I want you to remember this." And with that you raised the knife before stabbing yourself in the gut, two screams ripping through the manor. Rei shot towards you, her hands trying to pull the knife away. "What did you do?! What did you do?!" Rei was crying. Enji was banging on the locked door for a few seconds before he burned it down and the sight he was met with...was nothing short of a nightmare.

There you layed on the floor, blood sputtering from your mouth, your shirt stained with blood and Rei. Rei, who was hunched over your body, with a bloody knife in her hand, crying out "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!".

Enji rushed towards you, pushing Rei back roughly. You were coughing up blood, your head turned away from him until you felt him touch your face. "D-daddy..."you whimpered out before your breathing came to a stop.

"No. No." Enji quickly gathered your limp body in his arms, running out of the house towards a hospital. He kept on chanting "no", because he didn't want to believe that he failed to protect you.

That he failed to save his daughter, again.

I had 5 different endings in my mind and Idc if this isn't your preferred ending (the ending I had in my mind was something out of Quentin Tarantino's movie). I'm just glad to be done with it.

Anyways, exams are coming up and I'm not going to be posting a lot.

And ill be taking up your follow up questions/asks for this part! I'll also be answering godfather hawks asks now that this part is out.

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shurisneakers · 3 years

Text

harmless (vi)

Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)

Warnings: cursing, existential crisis, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, lil bit of angst, clint barton being a lil shit

Word count: 1.9k

A/N: BUCKY BARNES IS BACK AND HAS A CONFIRMED PERSONALITY

also omg everyone who’s been sending me ideas- ur the lomls.

if you have any ideas for future inventions/evil plans, lemme know! i might actually end up using them

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Series Masterlist

Your place or mine? ;)

He stares at the text.

The right answer is mine. See you at the lair.

“Y’all are dating now?” Clint peeks over his shoulder.

“Fuck no,” Bucky says indignantly. “God forbid.”

“Okay, man,” he retracts, giving Bucky space to turn around and face him. “What do you want to call your mini dates then?”

“Missions,” Bucky corrects him.

“No one wants to go on a mission. You volunteered to go back there.”

“It’s for the good of the tristate area.”

“I bet.” The snort he lets out contradicts his words. “Whole world is depending on you, Barnes. Go save them from the treachery of your crush.”

“Enemy.”

“Girlfriend.”

“Mortal nemesis.” Bucky narrows his eyes at him. “Go further, I dare you.”

“What are you gonna do? Choke me? Punch me with your metal arm?” Clint cranes his neck. “Bring it, big boy. I’m not scared of some kinky shit.”

He hates living here.

The door is left open for him.

This time, even though the lair is still illuminated by the green light out in the front, there’s a minor change. Sunlight streams in through a skylight in the roof.

There’s a ladder there, leaning against the rim. It gives him an entrance to the roof, which, judging by the lack of any other presence in the lab, is where he’s supposed to go.

As he gets closer he notices there’s a note on one of the rungs.

‘Evil’ with an arrow pointing upwards.

He rolls his eyes, discarding it on the floor before swiftly scaling the steps.

“Ah, Mr. Barnes,” he hears your voice call out even before his head pops up above the surface. “We’ve been expecting you.”

He pauses, looking around. “Who’s with you?”

Because other than the gigantic machine pointed up towards the sky, there’s only you with a visor and sunglasses. The best way he can describe its design was that it was shaped like a pine cone, had a large antenna pointed towards the sky, two handlebars near its base to manoeuvre it with a large button in between them.

“Just imagine I have my henchmen with me,” you urge. “I’m on a budget, man, I can’t afford them yet. Maybe when my cloning machine finally works-”

He doesn’t answer.

“It’s a James Bond reference,” you add when he doesn’t show any signs of answering.

“Haven’t watched it yet.” Bucky shrugs. “We’re doing Star Trek right now.”

“You’re done with Star Wars?” you, receiving a nod in confirmation. “Nice. You’d find the spy shit ridiculous anyway, it’s way below your level.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He makes a mental note to add the Bond movies to the list.

“Speaking of stars,” you begin, gesturing to the machine. “I’m going to harness the power of the sun.”

“For what?” He doesn’t bother asking how, he already knows you’ve figured out something.

“There’s a science exhibition and my team’s stupid solar car experiment isn’t working and I need it for them to win.”

“So build a better one.”

“No, ours is the best and if Jeff and his stupid baking soda volcano beat us then we’re going to have a murder on our hands.”

“Your hands,” he emphasises. He has nothing to do with this.

“I said what I said, boy.” You glare at him. “This is our problem now.”

“How much power are you taking?” If it’s insignificant enough, it wouldn’t matter much. He thinks.

“The whole thing.”

He laughs. He stops when you don’t.

“You’re taking all the energy of the sun to power your shitty science model.”

“Your face is a shitty science model,” you mimic him in a higher pitched voice. “I will do anything to win.”

He wonders which grade kid you stole that insult from was in. There’s no way they were anything older than 13. He could use it on Steve, maybe.

“Everyone on Earth will die.” He feels the need to remind you, even though there was no way it was actually going to take place. Eat shit, Clint. This superseded the tristate area.

“Not for eight minutes.” You look at your watch. “And, if Jeff dies then I win by default.”

“You’ll die too,” he points out.

“I’ll die a winner.” You nod seriously as if that makes it better.

He’s not that worried. Experience tells him that you’re not a mass murderer willingly.

“You’ll die an idiot.”

“Only if you don’t stop me.” Your lips curve into a smile. “And how will you when I do this?”

You yank the machine to point towards him and slam the button. His hand reflectively pulls in front of him to defend himself. Something hits him with enough force to send him skidding backwards slightly.

He removes his hand carefully from in front of him, looking at you.

Something feels off.

“You just-”

The knives strapped to his thighs suddenly feel heavier.

“Took your powers?” you finish his thought. “Yeah.”

He feels his body tip towards his left. He’s suddenly very aware of the weight of the arm. Had it been this heavy all this while?

“You’ve barely changed,” you noted, “You’re just regular Bucky but like, 20% less beef.”

After all, he was a boxer when he was a teen. One of the best men the Howling Commandos had even before the serum.

His shoulder feels heavier though. And somehow he thinks he’s sensing things a little less. He can’t really hear the faint buzzing of the generator downstairs anymore.

“Yep, that’s real muscle.” He turns when you poke at his shoulder. He doesn’t know when you got there. “You’re like a modern day Schwarzenegger. Grade A beefcake.”

He can’t see the construction site near the horizon as clearly as he used to.

Something about this situation makes him feel like he’s going to have a midlife crisis, even though he’s overshot the age by a huge number. No one has a midlife crisis at 106.

“Now that we’ve established that this works,” you say, back near the machine again. When did you walk there? “Let’s show this bitch that I’m the brightest star allowed in this solar system.”

He shakes his head to jolt himself awake, shoves aside his mental dysfunction and breaks out into a sprint when you pull the device down to aim it at the sky.

He latches onto the side, using his left hand to pull himself up, straddling the machine.

“Excuse me,” you exclaim like it’s a minor inconvenience and he feels the machine sway wildly under him. “You’re weighing it down, get off my inator.”

You’re shooting recklessly, trying to shake him off. It’s not dissimilar to the mechanical bull Natasha made him ride during a mission down south so she could win money off placing bets on him. They had lobster that night.

He reaches down to its side, hoping to feel maybe a panel he can rip off. He finds nothing.

He hopes none of the rays are actually hitting anything. It’s a little harder to stay on than he’d imagined it would be, and he thinks that maybe this wasn’t the best plan.

He changes his mind in a split second, swinging himself over so that he can climb the underside of the machine like a monkey bar. He feels like a fucking insect. How was Peter not mortally embarrassed?

He factors in the fact that his hands are getting clammier and his grip is slipping faster than usual. Also, he can taste his lunch at the back of his throat.

“Motherfucker,” Bucky curses when his hand slips, leaving him to hold on only by his metal arm.

“You okay?” you call out, not giving him a second to recover unless he really needed it.

He lets out a grunt, swinging his arm up and catching hold of the antenna, yanking it down and towards the machine itself. He pulls himself up so that he’s straddling the machine again.

One more shot and-

“Very smart, Barnes,” you say dryly, letting go of the handles.

He sends you a sly grin before sliding down the barrel, kicking the large button with his heel right before he jumps off.

The beam shoots out, instantly meeting with metal. The device automatically gives a mechanical groan before powering down, turning off altogether.

“I hate you,” you huff, before noting his paleness. “D’you want some water? An IV maybe?”

He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, inhaling heavily to catch his breath.

He’s tired, more so than he would have been under any normal circumstance. He feels a little dizzy, a little disoriented.

“Don’t worry, your magic powers will be back in a few minutes or so.” You examine the bent antenna, pressing the button and sighing when it stands there lifelessly. “Once Jeff wins, I’ll send the dry cleaning receipt to you. You can pay to get the tear stains out of the kids’ outfits.”

“Your tears or theirs?” He’s relieved about the powers returning, he thinks.

“Both, bitch.” Your eyebrow quirks at his retort. Clearly, he had more energy in him than people realised; his brain seemed to be working fine. He was stronger than you thought. Good for him.

“You’re smart. You’ll figure something out.” He lets out a final exhale before standing up a little straighter.

“Thanks. It’d be better if you asked your billionaire tech genius to send us something, but okay.”

“It’s a middle school science exhibition. Make a potato battery or something.”

You tsk-tsk. “No points for creativity, Mr. Barnes.”

It creeps into his mind without warning. He wonders if he actually wanted the powers back. Wonders what his life could be if he maybe retired, settled down. For the brief time he feels like his pre-war self, he starts to think like his pre-war self.

“I’m not the one who’s about to lose to a baking soda volcano,” he finds time to respond, however.

“Your face is a baking soda volcano.” You narrow your eyes at him. “I will not lose.”

“You’re running out of time. Chop chop.”

But the thought hits him. Who is Bucky without his super soldier serum? If he doesn’t have his powers then he can’t think of what use he is to the Avengers.

Who the hell is Bucky if he can’t provide a service to others? How else does he make up for being himself?

His, what he’s now deemed, afterlife crisis is starting to look more apparent.

He compartmentalises and stores it away in a box. He’ll bring it up with his therapist later.

“I’m going to win and then you’ll be sorry you weren’t a part of it because you didn’t let me steal the sun.”

“If you win, I’ll still be glad I didn’t let you.” He climbs back down the ladder, feeling the ache in his muscles reduce with every passing minute.

True to your word, his powers do return a while later.

And while he’s watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with Peter in the living room two days later, his phone beeps with a text.

It’s a picture of a blue first place ribbon next to a toy car that looks like it’s powered by a potato battery. Beside it is an out of focus middle finger that is aimed at him.

Congratulations, he texts back. Told you potato batteries always win.

Your face always wins, he receives in return. He can’t tell if you’re insulting or flirting with him.

He just shuts his phone off and goes back to watching the show.

Next part

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mcu fic #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky angst #bucky barnes angst #harmless fic #winter soldier x reader #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes #bucky

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