#and all i ever think abt when i eat is if i’m gonna gain weight anyway so it’s not like there’s mental stability to lose

[szczylpierdolony]

suicide is so unnecessarily dramatic and for what

#bc i think hanging is my best option #but idk it feels like such an annoying thing bc then someone finds you and it’s a whole thing #i just wanna be dead and for my body to disintegrate #and i wish i was never born bc so far it’s just been 20 years of being achtelt aware something is wrong with me and i can never fix it #there’s sth about knowing that at any given moment you’re the dumbest ugliest and least interesting person in the room #and that everything you do always feels like a bad imitation of others #the way you talk or dress or move feels wrong and everyone can tell #also i think i’m gonna start starving myself again #bc i can’t stand the way i look and food makes me feel gross and i hate the feeling of a full stomach it’s so fucking disgusting #and all i ever think abt when i eat is if i’m gonna gain weight anyway so it’s not like there’s mental stability to lose #and there’s no break to this either bc every single interaction i have with anyone just makes me feel worse no matter who #it’s the worst at uni bc everyone is cool and smart and going somewhere and i’m not #and yeah i’m not the only one who’s mentally i’ll but everyone is still somehow able to be prepared for class and have a relationship #and go out and meet with friends and work #and i can’t do anything but lay in bed and cry and it’s not fair idc #and nothing brings me any joy anymore i don’t draw and reading is tiring and i can’t get up to do any japanese practice #idk if i just wish this could end

[baraqi]

adding my two cents abt the sunoo situation bc i didn’t wanna bring it up on his bday + i’m an overweight shawty (tw for disordered eating thoughts n stuff like that)

idc if they make those remarks to him in private if sunoo really doesn’t care. we’ll never know unless he says himself which prolly won’t happen lol. but what i do have a problem with is that this is not the first time they’ve made comments abt his weight for the world to see. i see a bunch of ppl being like “well it’s a cultural thing they don’t know better” it’s still inconsiderate. i don’t think the other members should be getting d3ath thr3ats over it but they should know better. they aren’t children, most of them are adults, and should know better.

this whole thing has taken a bit of a toll on me honestly. ever since the sunjay graduation live where jay brought it up, it def rubbed me the wrong way. but the most recent instance did it for me idk why. since then i have been feeling a bit more self conscious and paranoid abt my eating than i did before. i’ve had this problem before but it resurfaced. i’ve been picked on by peers and my family (mostly family) for my body/eating, i hate clothes shopping bc nothing fits and it ruins my day (all my friends are skinny too so when we go in american eagle or smth i just stand there), i can’t eat in front of ppl unless i trust them, it’s an instinct to suck in my stomach when i’m in public, i dread doctors appointments bc they constantly act like i’m so obese i’m gonna die bc i’m 200 pounds and last time i checked. i come home from check ups crying most of the time. i feel like i gain weight with every bite i eat of anything. the scale in my house is dead which is probably for my own good bc i’d be checking every few hours if it wasn’t. i’m not tryna sit here and be like “enha brought my disordered eating back🙄🫵” bc no tf they didn’t it’s not their fault. their words affected me bc of my current situation/past experiences but that can’t be said for everyone. but it’s annoying to see a bunch of ppl being like “everybody’s so overdramatic it’s not that serious” just bc it’s not serious for them.

i still love them all but i’d be lying if i said this didn’t leave a dent in how i see them. if i’m able to see them in concert, i wanna try and lose weight bc damn if sunoo’s fat to them then i’m a fucking cow fr. i already feel ashamed of how i look so what if one of them sees me n thinks i’m fat and nothing else. what if ppl laugh at me. i preordered a manifesto: day one set from weverse and i’m praying i don’t get into the fansign bc i don’t want them to see me. ik it’s a stupid thing for me to say but that’s what social anxiety paired with body image issues does to a mf ig😭. and jay’s one of the main ppl who’s made weight jokes abt sunoo and he’s my second bias, next to sunoo being my ult. like imma be real i teared up writing this a couple times🧎🏻‍♀️. but seeing someone u admire weightshaming another person u admire, when u urself have been in that position, hurts?? jay’s a huge comfort for me but recently not really. but i never wanna say anything bc i don’t wanna seem dramatic bc at the end of the day they’re just some dudes who don’t know me but idk i’ll probably get dragged for this.

[omiscurls]

hi! (this request is heavily inspired by a kdrama i just watched called sweet home lmao) could i request a childe x gn reader fic where childe and the reader r both severely injured and the reader had to kill someone for self defense and as theyre running away the reader feeling super guilty is like “i’m so terrible i killed someone” and childe is trying to comfort them and they find a place to rest while being both on the verge of death and the reader is like “i killed someone, i’m so scared that it’ll be my last memory”and the childe is like “try to forget abt it it’s ok” and the reader is like “u don’t think abt either too” (yk implying like oh don’t think abt the ppl you’ve killed before childe, bc im assuming he’s killed a lot of ppl) and he’s like ok with a sad smile and they die together in each other’s arms holding hands?)/?:))2 help this is wayyy to detailed i’m sry but if u want the reference scene it’s from this video , they show the specific scene in time stamps 0:57-2:56 again i’m so sorry if this is too detailed or if u don’t wanna write it!!! tysm <3

memory

a/n oh my god that is just my kind of angst, thanks for the request and i hope you'll enjoy!!

prompt: honestly? dying with tartaglia (that sounds like a creepy tv show's title and i'm proud of it)

contains: tartaglia

warnings: angst, death, blood, major character death, self-blame, murder, more blood, really a lot of dying and bleeding, please do not proceed if you're not comfortable with the topics

adrenaline was probably the last string that had your body moving and functioning in any way. the blood in your veins made you deaf, only capable of noticing the sounds of it pumping behind your ears, head pulsing like a bomb about to explode.

your whole body shook, and you felt a metallic taste on your tongue, covering your mouth with your hand to prevent throwing up, which you predicted would happen in a matter of seconds.

"hey!" you finally heard childe yell, sounding distant even still, when you lifted your gaze away from the body before you and noticed he was standing fairly close. "come on, move, or his buddies" he said pointing to the lifeless man beneath you "might just come to get revenge"

with that he took your arm by the waist and pulled you along with him.

you stumbled over your own feet, and almost fell down every couple of minutes. your lungs started to burn after mere seconds, and you couldn't even find breath to tell him to slow down. you also knew he couldn't, having better self-preservation instincts than you, he understood the situation you two were in better.

fuck.

you looked behind you, to the spot where blood painted the grass red under a pile of dead bodies, some of your allies, some of your foes, but from this kind of distance, you couldn't even make out which one was which. your gaze fell down to your hands, covered in sticky redness as well.

you just killed somebody.

it wasn't even the consequences that frightened you, it was the sheer act of life leaving his eyes before he fell down, of his pupils staring at you in one last beg for mercy before freezing like that for the eternity ahead, for how his body seemed to have gained weight in a matter of seconds, almost pulling you down with him. the ringing in your head got more intense as you choked on a strained sob.

"they're dead" you breathed out, making your partner laugh sarcastically.

"good guess" he answered, his grip on your arm loosening as the both of you climbed up a hill.

"no, you don't understand, they're- dead dead! i- i didn't think i-" you stumbled over your words, panic settling in your eyes as you tried to comprehend the situation.

"what, you didn't think that if you pierce a person through with a blade they're gonna die?" he asked rhetorically, back almost slamming against a tree, sliding down to the ground with a breath of relief. "fuck, looks like i got pierced, too" he noticed, looking down onto his side, the grey material of his uniform getting dark and sticky. he hissed, trying to lift it up, and gave up on his attempts, instead opting to look at you.

you didn't sit down, but kept staring forward with the most frightened expression he had ever seen you wear. eyes wide open as you searched for answers in thin air, hands shaking, moving up to cover your mouth.

“hey” he whispered way gentler than before, urging you to sit down in front of him “it’s okay, it was only self-defense. you did kill them, but you didn’t murder them or anything, it was kill or be killed”

his words held so much confidence in what he was saying, you almost felt comforted. he really did master the art of bending the truth to his liking, didn’t he?

“i did it, what if he was someone’s father, or brother, or whoever else, what if i just destroyed someone’s world? he was a human being just as much as i am, i had no right-“ you started relapsing into panic, hands gripping on your hair, head moving down to hide between your legs.

only then did tartaglia notice the huge wound right across the back of your thigh, and several others. fuck, he instantly thought, whoever did it knew what he was doing, cut you in a very specific place, with intent to kill.

he couldn’t even fight back the wave of anger coming crushing at him, but bit his lip instead of saying anything. there was no way the both of you could get to a safe place in time.

he used to be so passionate about continuing to live, normally he would’ve just throw you over his shoulder and run, until his legs gave out, but now, he didn’t even have the energy to stand up. he barely could move his hand, and the more he tried to fight it, the more tired he became.

the feeling of helplessness was eating him alive, both from not having any way of providing you safety, and for not protecting you earlier, not to mention how he couldn’t find the right words to say to you now.

“listen” he started carefully, waiting for you to stop sobbing. “it’s painful, killing someone. it leaves a hole inside you that you don’t know how to cover. it makes your thoughts twist and fight back against you, it makes you want to leave your own head for how bad you feel. it sucks, believe me, i know. you didn’t deserve to have to feel this shitty. i’m- i’m sorry. for not shielding you well enough.” he said bluntly, not a hint of comfort or the usual beating around the bush that he used every time he intended to coax you. just pure, brutal truth. for once.

“it’s okay” you mumbled quietly. your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and you felt how it started to fall off its support. the numbness in your legs, this sort of stressful feeling of being constantly out of air- “i don’t want to die, though”

the sentence felt like a whimper, a cry of help, but tartaglia knew there was exactly nothing he could do.

“am i gonna die?” your voice felt a little stronger, laced with fear, and you lifted your eyes back onto him, in search of a “no” that you knew you wouldn’t find. “i’m gonna leave this world with killing a man as my last memory” you laughed bitterly, before laugh became a cry, and tears mixed with sweat on the surface of your cheeks. “that’s the worst fucking death i could ever imagine”

“baby, look at me” he asked calmly “come here”

when you moved to sit on his side, his hand, sticky from blood, intertwined its fingers with yours, and squeezed tightly.

“look. we’re sitting on a hill, under a tree, the sun is high up in the sky, a meadow below us, it’s a perfect date!” he laughed so authentically, you almost believed it was true. “we’re on a dream date, isn’t that amazing? and look.”

with that, he tilted your head towards his, and kissed you softly and shortly.

“i love you.” he said in the calmest manner he could force out “is that a better memory?”

you placed your head on his side, attempting to hug him even a little bit, tears staining his uniform even more.

“i don’t want to leave you.”

“i’ll be right behind you. guarding your back, like i always do. after all, i promised to always protect you, right? death won’t change my plans.”

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #childe x reader #genshin boys #childe angst #genshin impact angst #genshin angst #genshin imagines

[1eos]

Okay but literally I was reading an article the other day about how for most of human history and in most societies it was accepted common knowledge that some people are just more prone to gaining fat on their bodies than others. Even if people did the exact same thing as some skinny person, they’d gain weight. It was viewed as just an aspect of that persons body. Near universally in human cultures. And then in the early 20th century some jackass was just like well actually this is a behavioral problem. Instead of veering this field to answer the question of why some peoples bodies are more prone to accumulate fat, I’m going to assume these ppl are just eating to much bc (some bullshit about the law of thermodynamics that shows they don’t even really understand it) and thus we must study why these bad fat people have such an uncontrollable appetite. And the field has veered that way ever since EVEN THOUGH in almost every landmark study on obesity there is evidence in the data set that points towards the obese humans/mice/whatever the subject is gaining more weight than non-obese controls when having the same net caloric level and even when in a calorie deficit.

it's actually uhhhh wild when you start to do any research on weight loss bc common perception is literally devoid of facts. like ppl insist that anyone fat overeats or has an unhealthy diet when some fat ppl literally do not have a different diet. nd then there's all this mythos abt losing weight which boils down to starving yourself which on average causes more harm to the body than anything else. remember those studies published abt how being fat doesn't really negatively affect your health on average the way ppl preach? some ppl truly are just fat nd you're not gonna drop dead just bc you are 😭😭😭😭 but you tell any of that to a fatphobe they say you're promoting an unhealthy lifestyle nd that every fat person needs to get up off their ass nd exercise nd mobility if possible is good but ummmmm skinny ppl still be wheezing after a flight of stairs lmao. nd they think w exercise anyone can magically become a size 0 when, again, some ppl just are not gonna be that small!!!!!!!! extreme weight loss isn't even viable for long periods of time nd it pisses me off that gaining weight back is seen as a 'failure' when it's really your body finding the equilibrium it wants to be at. 'healthy' isn't always gonna be skinny nd im ready for that to seep into the collective unconscious

[msage9764]

New jeans diet log: Day 4/10▪️

OKAY, U GUYS ARE GONNA BE SO PROUD OF ME. Ik i’m proud. SO, I DIDNT EAT TODAY!! This is the first “fast” i’ve ever done and it wasn’t even that hard surprisingly. It was fun. I loved it. I was fine during breakfast and then when it got to lunch i gave my lunch to my friends and it was actually so easy for me to do this time. And then, throughout the day my friends offered me candy a couple times and i’m actually really proud of myself for declining it. Tbh i’m rlly surprised that i did. I feel great. One of the things i did, was when i got home my mom had actually left dinner for me. I was hungry but i knew not to eat so, i did the classic chew and spit. i didn’t swallow any food at all plus i didn’t feel guilty abt it for once since i actually “ate” it. Anyways today really was not hard at all and i feel like i could definitely do a fast tomorrow. BUT i’m sticking to the diet. Also i drank about 8oz of water today, not much. I did not do a work out, i am super sore from doing them the last 2 days HAHA. Honestly i feel amazing. I’ve been sm happier and stuff the days that i’ve worked out and i’m actually having fun w the dieting thing. I mean, yea i have my rough days but this is FUN!! I’ll be skinny soon:,)

Also, i’ve been weighing myself daily and i’ve actually been maintaining weight. So i’m still hovering at 287lbs. Which id rather maintain than gain but i want to lost weight not maintain it.

One thing that’s really helped me for some reason are mukbang videos. I have no idea why but they make me feel full AND i have the “once i’m skinny i’ll be able to eat like that” mindset. Which ik it’s fr not true but that’s what my mind thinks so those videos helped me TONS!! Happy dieting. I’ll update tmr:))

#anablog #tw ana stuff #ana ed #ed diet #an0r3x14 #tw ed in the tags #tw ed relapse #an0rex1a #anablr #analog #i want to be th1n #th1n5po #not pro just using the tags #th1nz🎀 #dieting #ana diet #ana fast #anacoach

[shinydocsberrytea]

TW!!!! ana/thinspo talk, orthorexia, BED

i feel like i’ve been in this negative mindset since i binged for the 1st time in a long time. it’s been so much more difficult to ignore all the delicious holiday food that is constantly surrounding me & offered to me. (carrot cake is my absolute fucking favorite & my friend randomly came by the apartment & brought us homemade carrot cake cupcakes & it was so fucking difficult pretending like i had no interest in it. but i did & i was convincing.) it felt like i lost control, like i lost progress, like i lost everything. it’s like eating healthy/restricting/obsessing has become a main part of my personality and if i don’t have that it feels like.. i don’t deserve to be happy. or have a girlfriend. or feel attractive. i actually can’t imagine eating something unhealthy in front of anyone. i guess that’s what orthorexia is. i feel like admitting that unhealthy food still tempts me & has power over me is automatically failure & defeat. but it’s not. after my binge i was in a weight loss stall for HALF A MONTH but over the last 9 days i broke it & lost 3 pounds :) this feels so insignificant to me but it does mean that overall i’ve now lost 44 pounds. i have to start seeing that like the accomplishment that it is, w/o seeing it as too much of an accomplishment & binging. (as for controlling my binging: i think i’m gonna allow thanksgiving break to be my four cheat days and whenever i think abt binging before then i’ll think abt break. i’ll get the holiday foods & drinks i’ve been dreaming abt at starbucks, i’ll eat thanksgiving dinner & sip sparkling cider & maybe have a slice of pie, i might even get some of my favorite meals from restaurants in my hometown. it’s weird bc my biggest fear isn’t even gaining weight it’s that my parents will judge me for eating unhealthy & lose respect for me. but before i left for college my dad told me to stop losing weight & i’ve lost another 15 lbs since then so maybe they’ll want me to eat?) i’m at 136 rn, my lowest weight ever recorded. i think it’s important that i take a second to be proud of myself. it’s very, very easy to say “my ugw is 100, & i’m 36 pounds away from that so basically i’m not even close to my weight loss goal & i have no reason to celebrate this” but 55% of my weight loss journey is complete & that is worth smiling about. so i’m gonna list some of my accomplishments that inspire me & i hope they inspire u guys too ❤️ i will also include a body check from late sept & in it u can see a line down my stomach which is so strange bc i’ve never seen that on my own body

1. i’m small enough now to borrow some of my girlfriend’s clothes, and all my clothes/shoes that were too tight on me fit again and some of my jeans look oversized which is crazy to me

2. i found an xs shirt from aeropostale in a thrift store and it fit and i bought it and it’s my favorite shirt now. (i used to genuinely fear aeropostale, abercrombie & fitch, & hollister bc it really felt like being skinny was a prerequisite to entering the store.) i also bought a hoodie that’s xs & fits only slightly tight.

3. changing rooms are still brutal to be in, but much less so now. & if i stand a certain way i have a visible thigh gap which keeps me going

4. the overweight friend of one of my roommates said they wish they could count macros like me and they asked how much weight i lost and they were both shocked at the answer & when i told my roommate who’s 120lbs that i wanted to get to 120 or less she was shocked & said that she was actually trying to gain and get to my weight… i’ve never been more shocked tbh (i was 139 at the time) bc how could a skinny girl want to get to my weight..

5. my girlfriend says to me now “i love the way you look in that” & says i’m hot when i wear tight clothes. (she doesn’t say i only look hot in tight clothes but i’ve noticed she only compliments me when i’m wearing them.) & i’ve noticed when i lay next to her that my hip bones are starting to become more visible like hers which is nice

6. i suppose i have no choice but to admit that my legs have shrunk bc my old jeans hang off my legs & even though it feels like they’re just as fat as when i was at my sw, i can tell when i shave them that there’s less surface area & it’s easier and takes less time. oversized clothes are starting to look good on me instead of making me look like a whale, & docs make my legs feel so skinny i love it

7. my mom texted me this yesterday after i told her about all the unhealthy food my roommates cook and eat around me: “I do applaud your willpower btw. It must be very hard to stay on track when everyone else around you eats garbage.” she’s never complimented me on my willpower or on anything related to dieting really so this felt probably too amazing

8. my best friend from my hometown visited me in college 4 days ago & saw me for the first time in over a month & a half & the first thing she said was “wow you look smaller i didn’t recognize you”

9. one of my old classmates from high school slid up on my snap story & said: “damn, you’ve been working out! you look good. like seriously. i’m sure you are but be proud of yourself” & my mom’s best friend also slid up on my story & said “i have a concern though. i see you’re looking thin… i just want to make sure you’re ok…”

10. all my roommates actively, respectfully, & interestedly listen when i teach them facts abt diet/nutrition/macros/fasting/fitness. which feels fucking crazy bc if i had tried to talk to skinny girls abt all the shit i know, when i was obese, no one would’ve taken me even a little bit seriously. bc at the time i had 0 proof that i knew what the fuck i was talking about. but as soon as people find out how much weight i’ve lost, they look at me w this beautiful expression. filled with shock, intrigue, amazement, jealousy, curiosity… all the things society wants you to feel when you hear abt someone successfully losing a bunch of weight & being happier because of it. & i really am happier as a smaller person. i can’t even begin to name the endless list of negative things i don’t have to deal w as much now that i’m skinnier. i’ll save that 4 another post

have an incredible day. i love all of you. i truly feel so close to every single one of you it’s insane. please message me i would love to talk to you. today: go pet an animal. go to the grocery store and buy your favorite safe food. (i’m gonna do that today :)) go on a walk in your favorite outfit. spend money on something you’ve been wanting. (i bought a mushroom tote bag yesterday & i’ve been wanting a tote bag forever.) drink some tea & watch a movie you’ve been wanting to watch. cuddle w someone. listen to ur favorite song. remind yourself of the little things that bring u joy no matter what & prioritize them <3

[goosewhisker]

this crooked posture (is all you’ve ever known)

read this on ao3 || read this on fanfiction.net

i wrote this whole thing in a span of about 5 days :pensive: as u can maybe tell i have a lot of feelings abt that one conversation btwn scourge and jules...there is so much potential here and im sad we never got to see it

as far as timeline goes- this would probably take place in the pre-boot universe about six months or so after scourge & co escape from zone jail. the destructix are camping out on mobius for the time being to avoid drawing zonic's attention and knothole has wrapped up the ixis naugus/metal sally arcs.

Summary: Fiona heads off with a wave, and he's left where he started - staring through a window into a nearly-empty kitchen, looking in on a life was never his and never will be. Inside, the robian sets bacon on the stovetop to fry and starts making toast, blissfully unaware of the hedgehog just outside. It's hard to tell on a robot, obviously, but he looks perfectly content with his life. Happy, even.

Pathetic. 

Or: Scourge avoids his problems, Fiona is exasperated, and Jules is mostly oblivious.

It's the early hours of the morning. So early, in fact, that it shouldn't even technically be called morning because it's still basically nighttime and no one sane is up right now.

Which is probably why the idiotic robian is up at five o'clock in the morning, puttering around in the kitchen and making breakfast. There's literally no reason for it. It's not like he can eat anything, after all, and his stupid son lives off chilidogs, so he's not going to eat it. And his stupid wife isn't getting up for like two hours, so she's not eating it either. See? Idiocy.

Yet another thing that their universes seem to have in common.

"What are you doing?"

Scourge almost shrieks - key word is almost, 'cause he's too cool to scream like a dork - and tackles Fiona into the bushes. "Shhh!"

Fiona splutters indignantly and a second later her fist bounces off his jaw, which, ow. "Are you nuts? Get off me!"

"Shhhut up!" Scourge throws a quick glance over his shoulder at the window. No one's come outside to investigate, so hopefully no one's heard. He rolls off her a second later. "You wanna get us arrested, woman?"

"Hey, I'm a legal citizen of this universe!" Fiona protests. "If anything, it's you who's getting arrested, Mr.-Snooping-Through-Other-People's-Windows. That's so creepy."

"We're both wanted criminals here; if we get caught, we're going down together," Scourge points out, graciously ignoring her last comment. "And anyway, I'm... gathering intel."

Fiona snorts. "Pull the other one, Scourge. That's not gonna work on me." Crossing her arms, she adds, "You've been gathering intel every night for the past week. And I know you're technically the same person, but watching Sonic sleep is really weird."

"I'm not watching him," Scourge snaps before he can help himself.

"Oh?" Fiona's eyes glint and it's then that Scourge realizes he's slipped. "Then who are you watching?"

"Uhhh..." Scourge fidgets while trying not to look like he's fidgeting. "No one. I'm just passing through, not watching anything. Why'd I want to do that anyway?" He forces a laugh. "So lame."

Fiona regards him with a flat stare. "Your fingerprints are smudged all over the window."

"What?" Scourge whips around to check the window. He'd been so careful not to leave any traces of his visits, but-

Waitaminute.

"Very funny," Scourge growls into his gloved hands. Fiona snickers.

"Look, if you don't want to tell me, I won't make you," she says, standing up and brushing the dirt off her pants. "But I'll find out eventually. And if this new obsession of yours endangers yourself or the team, I'm going to put a stop to it."

"Yeah, yeah," Scourge mutters, waving her off. "Get lost."

"Mhm. We still on for that movie night?"

"'course. See you there, babe."

Fiona heads off with a wave, and he's left where he started - staring through a window into a nearly-empty kitchen, looking in on a life was never his and never will be. Inside, the robian sets bacon on the stovetop to fry and starts making toast, blissfully unaware of the hedgehog just outside. It's hard to tell on a robot, obviously, but he looks perfectly content with his life. Happy, even.

Pathetic.

Scourge kicks the side of the house, suddenly incandescently furious with everything. Inside, Jules looks up in surprise, but Scourge is already gone.

"I need to stop," Scourge says later. The movie is over - some samurai flick that Simian had picked out and Lightning had ruined with his constant nitpicking - and they'd gone out for ice cream afterwards (read: robbed that nice gelato place downtown). Getting used to having teammates again is... something, Scourge supposes. But it's not completely terrible.

"You need to stop," Fiona agrees. She's texting furiously, slouched into the ratty couch in their current hideout with Scourge's head on her lap.

"It's just weird seeing him alive, is all," Scourge tells the ceiling. "That's all it is. Like, when you see something weird, and you just gotta look at it. It doesn't mean anything."

"Are you trying to convince yourself or me?"

"Not tryin' to convince anyone. I'm just saying what it is."

Fiona sets down her phone with a sigh. "Look, you gotta stop hurting yourself like this."

Scourge sits up a little too fast. "Hurting myself? What? Babe, have you forgotten who you're talking to? I'm Scourge the Hedgehog, I don't hurt."

Fiona gives that all the acknowledgment it deserves, which is none. "I told you about the... the prison, when I was a kid," she says. Scourge falls silent. "I went back there a few times, after I was big enough to handle myself. There wasn't a reason, really. I just thought I had to see it. And it sort of helped the first time - I cleaned out all the bots and made sure that place couldn't hold anyone ever again - but after that, I just went back again and again because it made me hurt and that felt good. Because I was hurting anyway, and being able to make it worse when I wanted to made me feel like I could control it."

Scourge doesn't say anything.

"But that wasn't true," Fiona says. Her voice shakes just a little, and without thinking Scourge takes her hand. It's stupid (sentimental) but she smiles faintly. "I wasn't healing or in control or anything. I was just hurting myself. And I can't stand watching you do the same."

"Babe," Scourge begins hoarsely.

"Tell me it's not the same," Fiona says flatly. "Or tell me- tell me that if I went back to that prison and crawl through that tunnel I dug with my own hands and relive every moment of the hell I went through, that you wouldn't stop me. That you would watch me do it."

He can't tell her that. He can't tell her that and she knows it.

Scourge looks away.

Fiona sighs and runs her hand along his spines. "He's not your dad, Scourge," she says quietly. "He's an entirely different person. Hurting yourself isn't going to make anything better."

"Okay," Scourge agrees. "Okay." Then, after a moment, "Thanks, babe."

Fiona smiles again, and there's something so sad about it he squeezes her hand again (uncool, but it's not like there's anyone else to see it). "No problem, hun."

He goes back again the next day.

This time, the wife is there too.

Scourge crouches in the massive oak tree beside the window, pretending he doesn't feel like a massive creep. His green fur blends neatly with the leaves, rendering him all but invisible to any casual observers, particularly when it's not-quite-light. With luck, it'll fool robian eyes as well.

Anyway.

Scourge doesn't remember his mother. She was simply never in the picture; whether because of death or divorce he never knew. Generally, he suspects the latter - months upon months of neglect, of being constantly passed over and ignored for the more important burdens of the state and the good of the people - yeah, he can see how a divorce would happen. Not that he'll ever know now.

The hedgehog in the kitchen doesn't look neglected. She throws her arms around the robian, not seeming to mind the cold metal, and dances around him as they prepare breakfast. The robian, in turn, leans into her touches and takes advantage of a moment of distraction to dab pancake batter on her nose. It's disgusting. Scourge gags.

Part of him wonders what he's gaining out of this. Hiding in a tree, spying on some losers and their dumb domestic life - not exactly fitting behavior for the former king of Moebius, after all.

It's not... It's not that Fiona's right. It's not like he's hurting himself - like he told Fiona, he's Scourge the Hedgehog. He doesn't do that emotions garbage. That kind of wimpiness is more Sonic's thing.

(Let alone that Fiona had said it happened to her. Let alone that she's usually right, and that she's one of the strongest people he knows.)

He's just curious. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less.

(The voice in his head sounding suspiciously like Fiona whispers, Yeah, right.)

Inside the kitchen, the robian starts flipping pancakes. For a second, Scourge tries to imagine his own father like that: Jules the Hedgehog, king of Moebius, flipping pancakes in a frilly pink apron and laughing with his wife. Arguing over who gets to wake up their son. Talking and hugging and laughing and living -

- and the illusion dissipates. Jules wouldn't set foot in a kitchen. He had servants to do that kind of thing, just like he had servants to take care of his son.

Scourge drops down from the tree branch and lands lightly on his feet. He's done here. He slinks off into the streets, hiding his face from the strengthening sunlight as synthetic laughter rings out behind him.

"Hey, Simian," Scourge says a few days later.

Simian continues lifting weights without slowing. "Yes?"

Scourge likes Simian, as much as he likes anyone. The ape is steady and has a solid head on his shoulders, and while it's kind of a drag most times, he does occasionally have helpful bits of advice. And when he goes loose on the battlefield, he can be really fun to fight alongside.

So that, plus the fact that Hawk doesn't care and Lightning would probably make fun of him and he'd rather eat his own shoes than talk to Fly, makes him Scourge's best option.

Scourge swings his legs back and forth as they dangle off the chair and tries to think of a way to broach it. He just needs to be subtle, right? "When was the last time you saw your parents?"

And maybe that wasn't super subtle after all, because Simian stops in the middle of his workout session (he never stops in the middle of a workout session) to stare at him. It feels... extremely uncomfortable, actually, wow. Scourge hops up and starts his stretches (anything to avoid looking back).

"When I last left my village, I was eighteen," Simian says at last. He sounds thoughtful, which is never a good sign. "That was several years ago... six years, I believe."

"That long, huh?" Scourge moves to quad stretches. "You're pretty old, man. Slowing down anytime soon?"

He's rewarded with a sharp grin. "I'm not that old. Though I suppose most people look slow next to you."

"Damn straight!"

"Why do you ask?"

And that's the issue - when even Scourge isn't sure why he's asking. He takes his time answering. "Oh, you know... just curious. Ever think about 'em?"

There's another ponderous silence, which mostly just succeeds in making Scourge antsy. Well, antsier.

"Sometimes," Simian says. "But I am a dedicated member of this team. You can rest assured of that."

And that's nice, but it's not what he's asking-

"...but that's not what you're asking, is it?"

Scourge freezes. Is he just that transparent? Why can everyone suddenly read his mind now? "What're you on about, man?" he deflects.

Simian shakes his head. "I do miss them, sometimes. It is natural for children to miss their parents."

"Not me!" Scourge laughs, and if it comes out a little too sharp, well, who's to blame him?

"Of course," Simian says, sounding vaguely indulgent. "Does that satisfy your curiosity?"

"Uh, sure," Scourge lies. "A little heavy on the oversharing, but it's cool." And then he scarpers, because if super speed's good for anything it's for escaping uncomfortable conversations. Simian doesn't say anything about it later, and thank Chaos because he doesn't think he'd be able to face Fiona if she ever got wind of that little talk.

The next time he's in town, Scourge picks up a new set of woodworking knives and leaves it on Simian's equipment. It's not like he's gone soft, buying presents for his friends or whatever, Scourge tells himself. He's just... buying Simian's silence. It's a bribe, is all.

(Simian saves him some extra ice cream the night after and that's that.)

It is natural for children to miss their parents, Simian had said. Ha! As if. Scourge hasn't missed his old man a day of his life and he's not about to start now.

... that'd carry more weight if he wasn't spending two or three mornings a week moping outside their kitchen.

Scourge sips his frappe and pretends he's not sulking. Right now, he's outside some random diner in Knothole in full disguise, complete with a trenchcoat, fedora, and sunglasses. He was honestly expecting someone to stop him before now - this kind of garb is about as suspicious as it gets - but no one seemed to even notice anything out of the ordinary. Idiots.

Fiona would kill him if she knew the kind of risks he's taking - which, of course, is why she doesn't need to know.

Scourge checks the time. Seven o'clock, meaning the wife is just getting up and they're having breakfast right now - Chaos, he has their entire morning schedule memorized, doesn't he? Fiona was right, he is obsessed. Scourge slumps over the table and buries his head in his arms.

He can still turn this around. Knowing their schedule is useful, from a strategic standpoint; he could threaten them, take them hostage... even kill them. Sonic would be taken completely offguard. It would be simple. Easy. The smart thing to do.

Scourge's groan is only partially muffled by the table.

"...you alright, son?"

What-

Something electric shoots up his spine. Scourge's claws dig into the edges of the table with a crunch as he bolts upright. And there, before him, with a look so familiar but so foreign in his eyes is-

He's not the same.

His skin is metallic where it should be flesh, plated where it should be furred. His eyes burn a bright pixelated red when they should be brown. That stupid tuft of fur on his head is shining chrome that glints under the bright sun.

But the way he stands - colored though it is with a hint of a soldier's posture - that proud tilt of his chin, the gentleness in his hands as they reach out to him -

It's Jules.

It's different from seeing him in that dim, lamp-lit room. In the daylight, the differences are exaggerated - and so are the similarities.

For a second, Scourge can only see his dad standing there.

He reacts on instinct. Scourge rears back and smacks Jules' outstretched hand away. "Don't touch me!"

Jules straightens up, virtual eyes widening with shock. "I'm- I'm sorry, it looked like you were unhappy. I only meant to-"

"Well, don't," Scourge spits. "Get lost."

Jules looks at him longer and then, for some Chaos-forsaken reason, doesn't leave. Why isn't he leaving, Scourge thinks furiously, and only realizes he's breathing heavy when his breaths start coming too fast and harsh in his ears. Jules says something, but the words don't make sense and he can't tear his gaze away from the polished metal. Beneath his fingertips, the table starts to splinter.

And then there's warm hands on his shoulders, and a steady voice in his ears, saying, "Listen to me. Do you want me to leave?"

Nothing comes out of his throat. Scourge shakes helplessly. He wants him to leave, he wants him stay, he wants to never see him again. He wants his dad.

Jules must take it as permission to stay, because he doesn't leave. The grip on his shoulders is a solid, unmoving presence, and Scourge can't help but lean into it. "I'm going to count slowly. Try to match your breathing to my voice - it's alright if you can't. Starting now. One, two..."

For some completely batty reason, he tries, and it helps some. His breathing is a little too fast and a lot shaky, still, but it settles into a more even pace instead of the uncontrollable rush. Sense comes back slowly, and with it, an acute, uncomfortable awareness of what just happened.

Well. At least he's not crying.

Scourge stands abruptly, tearing himself from Jules' arms. The robian raises a brow but doesn't protest. "Are you feeling better?" he asks instead. It's entirely casual, with no hint of pity, and Scourge hates himself a little for being pathetically grateful.

"Peachy," Scourge snaps and whirls around, hiking up his collar. Jules isn't screaming yet, so he clearly hasn't realized who he is, and Scourge is in no hurry to correct him. Honestly, this hedgehog's stupidity knows no bounds.

"Well." The robian stands up, reaches for a grocery bag that Scourge only just realized was there, and adds, "Stay safe, son."

Scourge's vision briefly whites out from fury. "Don't call me that," he snarls and takes off running before Jules can reply.

He finds a secluded place in a lonely corner, throws his warp ring, and promises himself that he'll never go back.

Scourge does some research.

It's called a panic attack, apparently. Common among soldiers, which is probably why Jules knew what to do - he said he'd been on the front lines, hadn't he? Common among victims of PTSD, the website says, and Scourge scoffs and closes the tab. Trauma - ridiculous. Scourge doesn't do trauma. If anything, he gives it to other people.

He's still snickering at his joke when Hawk comes in to tell him that Finitevus called in with another job. Normally, Scourge would tell him to screw off, but he's offering a massive stack of Anarchy beryl in return - something they've been in short supply of since they ditched Moebius.

Scourge's body itches at the thought of going super again. He accepts.

Thirty minutes later, they're waist-deep in smashed Eggman bots and struggling to fend off a fresh wave while Fiona and Hawk bicker over the terminal.

"I'm telling you, if we do that, we'll get locked out of the system entirely!" Fiona snaps.

Hawk throws up his hands. "Fine! Ignore me! It's not like you literally just have to enter the code or anything!"

Scourge spindashes down the line of Eggpawns, smashing through them like paper. He hits the wall at the right angle to bounce right off and uncurls in midair to land on his feet.

"Wrap it up, guys!" he yells and ducks beneath a stray kunai. "Watch it, Lightning!"

"Thought you were supposed to be the fast one," Lightning calls back.

"And I thought you were supposed to be able to aim!"

"I can." Lightning flicks a wrist and Scourge drops backward into a roll to avoid the next kunai that comes his way. When he springs back onto his feet, ready to chew out the idiotic trigger-happy lynx, there's a Badnik pinned to the wall right where he'd been standing. Lightning shoots him a smug grin.

"Right back atcha," Scourge mutters and barrels through the cluster taking potshots at Hawk and Fi.

"Ugh, fine!" Fiona shoves Hawk away and starts typing furiously.

Scourge drops another five Badniks and skids to a stop as an Egg Launcher smashes through the wall directly in front of him. "Fiona!"

"Give us a minute," Hawk snarls back.

The Launcher brings its arms down to eye level and Scourge leaps into the air as its targeting system locks on - and then Fly drops out of nowhere onto on its shoulders. "Need help?" the frog giggles (sweet Chaos Scourge hates him) and rips the thing's head off. Scourge blitzes right through its chest.

As its body slumps bonelessly to the floor, another Launcher steps through the wall behind it... and another one. And another. Chaos.

"If those things unload all those missiles in here, we're going to have a problem," Lightning says, echoing Scourge's own thoughts.

"Out of the way," Simian grunts, swinging the first bot's disembodied missile launcher-slash-arm onto his shoulder and taking aim.

"Are you nuts, man?" Scourge yells. "Didn't you hear Lightning? You fire that thing and this whole building's going down!"

"Better have the exit ready, then," Simian returns evenly.

"Got it!" Fiona announces, jumping up from the terminal with a chip in hand. Hawk follows, looking severely disgruntled. "Turns out we really did just have to enter the code. Hah."

"I told you," Hawk begins, but Fiona waves him off.

"You were right once, don't go getting a big head. You got the ring ready, sweetie?"

"Everyone over here! You miss the ring, we're leavin' you behind!" Scourge doesn't wait for a response and throws the warp ring. The portal spins into existence, glistening faintly in the electric light, and they all pile in. Simian fires off a final missile salvo before the ring vanishes and they tumble haphazardly into the Doc's lair to the sound of the entire base going up.

For a second, no one moves, too tired and bruised and tangled together to bother getting up. Lightning sighs heavily from the bottom of the heap. Scourge laughs.

"I trust you have what I asked for?" Finitevus asks from literally two feet away, and Scourge isn't even going to question how he knew where they'd end up. After all, they are at his mercy inside his weird evil lair, and Scourge knows how to be tactful.

Scourge props himself up on an elbow. "So do you like, practice being creepy, or is it natural?"

Without looking, Fiona smacks him in the back of the head.

"Ow!"

"We have it," Fiona says, extricating herself from the tangle. Scourge considers tripping her as she walks past, decides against it, and settles for hooking his ankle around Hawk's heel as he stands up. The bird goes down with a satisfying squawk right on top of Lightning and the ensuing chaos lets Scourge hop up onto his own feet.

Fiona ignores it.

"All the files relating to the roboticization process are on this USB," she says, holding it out. Finitevus takes it and, after a moment's inspection, slips it into his robes.

"So why'd you want that, Doc?" Scourge asks, adjusting his sunglasses. "Woulda thought that robot stuff wasn't quite your style."

"It is true that roboticization is a perversion of the natural order and representative of that which I seek to destroy," Finitevus concedes. "But I am not opposed to much that will give me the advantage against my nemeses. And I must admit the idea of enslaving your opponent's will to your own has a certain... charm."

Scourge and Fiona exchange a look - of the literally why is he like this and the why do we talk to him again variety - and Scourge shoves his hands in his pockets and steps up. "Uh... yeah, man. Totally. Anyway, if we're done here, can we have the beryl now?"

"Of course. But first, I have one more task for you."

Scourge scoffs disbelievingly. "Are you kidding? The deal was we break into Eggman's lab, steal your stupid information, and hand it over. We've done that. It took like forever and it was a massive pain in the butt the whole time, we are not adding anything else onto that and that's final."

"...I'll double the amount of beryl."

Scourge hesitates.

... which is how they ended up here. Scourge crouches on the windy rooftop, tugging his dumb fancy suit jacket closer and hoping idly that something happens soon. "Can we go in yet?" he asks.

Hawk, who's busy adjusting his own disguise, shakes his head. "You really have no patience at all, do you?"

"Nope!" Scourge tugs on his overly-tight tie and mostly just makes it worse. "How 'bout now?"

"If you were any good at infiltration, Fiona would've let you go in already," Hawk says. He's typing on his communicator, syncing all their devices into something they can actually use. It's not that Hawk's particularly adept at technology, or anything; it's just that all the rest of them are so abysmal at anything electric that tech duty usually falls to him or Fiona. "Unless Plan C falls through, you're not headed in 'till the last minute."

Scourge sighs loudly, letting his feet dangle off the edge of the building. "I could just walk in and grab him. They wouldn't even see me coming. Then we wouldn't have to spend a million years sitting out in the cold."

Hawk doesn't look up. "And then Sonic would pursue, and then we'd have to fight him off while trying to kidnap a geriatric former soldier without killing him. Which, given our previous track record..."

The bird trails off and Scourge grimaces. Yeah. They'd given up on kidnappings for a reason. They wouldn't have even considered this one if not for the offer of Anarchy beryl - which has been in extremely short supply recently, given they can't hop dimensions without instantly snagging Zonic's individual attention. And it's not like Scourge isn't flattered that the self-important dimensional cop will drop everything for a chance at catching him, but he's not planning on seeing the inside of Zone Jail ever again.

Anyway. It's a small blessing that Zonic hasn't come looking for them personally, or sent Sonic after them, but it's one Scourge isn't willing to throw away just for a power-up. Thus the kidnapping mission.

Scourge swings his legs contemplatively and longs for Fiona to hurry up so he can bash some heads.

Right on cue, their communicators ring. "Alright, boys," Fiona's voice comes through a little tinnily. "You ready?"

"Heck yeah," Scourge says immediately.

"Ready to go whenever," Hawk confirms.

"Roger. Meet me where we agreed." The comms unit crackles and goes silent. Scourge hops up and starts stretching quickly, trying to limber up his half-frozen muscles. Hawk sets his communicator down and picks the lock on the trapdoor they'd been sitting next to. Once it's open, they slip down a small flight of stairs and through an empty hallway. At the end, they take a right through another hall and stop outside a janitor's closet.

Scourge raps on the door. "Knock, knock," he says.

There's a moment of silence. Then Lightning opens the door. "Hurry up," he whispers, peering over their shoulders.

Scourge clicks his tongue in disappointment. "Dude, you're supposed to say 'who's there.'"

"Yeah, Lightning," Fiona says from inside. "You're ruining the script."

"I- what?" Lightning sputters. "You people are so immature. Simian, can you tell them to shut up?"

There's a good fifteen seconds of judgemental silence. "...you should've said 'who's there.'"

Lightning rolls his eyes and Scourge pushes past him into the room. Simian nods as he enters and Fly, who's doing something he can't quite make out, cackles in a corner. Scourge spreads his arms wide. "Alright, I'm here now, the party can start!"

"Good to have you," Fiona says. She's sitting on an overturned bucket, one ankle folded over her knee and eyes glued to her phone. "Alright, so Plan A failed."

"Yes!"  Scourge cheers, pumping a fist in the air.

Fiona shoots him a glare. "We weren't able to get him away from his bodyguards and the speech is about to start soon. I didn't want to do this in front of a crowd, but we may not have a choice. Right now, we only have to deal with the normal security and Sonic. After the ceremony, they're going to meet up with a bunch of Sonic's friends before going back home to Knothole."

"Wouldn't it be better to wait, then?" Simian asks, folding his arms.

Fiona shakes her head. "No for two reasons. We can handle the normal security easily, especially if we use the crowd for meatshields while Scourge is distracting Sonic. Sonic's friends are, frankly, a much greater threat than the security, and they will not be holding back. And if we wait until they go back to Knothole, we have that... woman to deal with."

Everyone shudders at the mention of Nicole. Their last attempt on Knothole is not a memory anyone wants to relive.

"So if we use the crowd for cover and Scourge's able to distract Sonic for long enough, this is doable," Fiona resumes. "We'll just have to time it right. And we can not let Sonic know our target at all costs. If he realizes we're trying to kidnap his uncle, he won't let the old man out of his sight, and our job will get a lot harder. Got that?"

A quick briefing on everyone's roles later and it's time to go. Scourge starts to follow the guys out the door and is caught short by Fiona's hand on his wrist. "Sweetie, can I talk to you for a second?" she asks and drags him back inside before he can answer.

She turns him loose and Scourge spins around, rubbing his wrist. "Alright, if this is about what I think it's about-"

"Don't worry, I'm not yelling at you. Just..." she trails off to stare at him.

Scourge tries not to fidget and goes for a confident smile, propped up against the wall. "Babe, don't worry about me. This'll be a lark."

"It's... you know." Fiona shrugs and apparently decides to just go for it. "You've been having issues about your dad. I need to know if that'll affect your performance here."

"What?" Scourge is almost kind of offended. If it was anyone but Fi asking, he would be offended. "Babe, my uncle was a total nutjob. Like, worse than my old man. No issues here."

Fiona looks at him a second longer. "Alright," she says at last. "If you say so. I'm counting on you."

She brushes past him on her way out, squeezing his hand on the way, which is nice since she's weird about stuff like that. Scourge follows a minute later.

I require one more thing for my research, Finitevus had said. Charles the Hedgehog. Inventor of the roboticization process. He is receiving an award for his technological advancements in Central City in two days. Bring him to me alive and you will have your full reward.

Scourge scans the crowd for Charles now, leaning on the fancy railing of the fancy indoors balcony overlooking the fancy banquet hall. There's a name for a balcony like this - a mezzasomething - but he can't remember what it is. Maybe Fiona would know.

Scourge tugs at the collar of his unbearably fancy suit jacket and longs for his sunglasses.

He'd told Fiona the truth earlier - his uncle was a wackjob. Paranoid, jittery, simultaneously ravenous for power and terrified of it - no one had liked him, least of all his nephew.

Jules had liked him, probably. Enough to give him a home and a laboratory for his crazy experiments and to turn a blind eye when they started getting darker and more deadly. That had gone on up until Charles had invented a machine that turned moebians to robots, and its first (unwilling) test subject had been Jules.

Yeah. After Ivo managed to save Jules' life, they'd put a stop to that real quick.

They'd told Scourge that Charles had gone far away to someplace he could be happy. He still remembers that scene - Jules crouching down before him with mournful eyes, one arm cold and stiff where the roboticization process had gotten it before Ivo had pulled him out. His flesh hand had been warm and comforting on his shoulder, and Scourge had been so distracted by the touch that he hadn't even cared that his uncle was gone. He'd faked tears just to get Jules to stay with him a little longer.

Scourge shakes his head wildly, dissipating the memories. Anyway, it was painfully obvious in hindsight that Charles had either been jailed or executed for treason. Not that Scourge would have cared either way. Mostly, he's just vaguely curious to see what Charles is like in this world. Still a mad scientist, or something more benevolent?

A mass of whispering erupts at the main entryway of the hall. Scourge straightens up.

A bunch of bodyguards in black enter, followed by a few people who could be family or friends. Sonic's there, obviously, and next to him can only be Uncle Charles.

Scourge doesn't really remember his uncle; he was, after all, a kid when the guy vanished, and he avoided him whenever possible. But the face before him is undeniably like his own. He has the same sloping forehead, the same pointed muzzle. Honestly, he looks exactly like Sonic with a mustache.

Scourge leans forward, intrigued, as the old guy says something that has Sonic pitching forward in laughter. It's weird, seeing him. Not like seeing Jules, or even like seeing the mom. Just... weird.

Not the kind of weird that Fiona's worried about, thank Chaos. No, he'll have no problems handing this schmuck over to the Doc.

Charles and his little squad sit down in the front row while the bodyguards split up to cover the exits. Scourge tracks their positions automatically, mostly focused on the target. Charles claps his nephew on the back and leans over to whisper something in his ear. Scourge looks away with a sneer.

The ceremony starts. A bunch of people Scourge doesn't know talk about a bunch of things he doesn't understand, blah blah blah. Scourge yawns and taps a tattoo on the railing with his claws. Luckily, all the civilians seem to have gone down to the seating area, so he's alone on the balcony. As long as the security doesn't notice him, he should have no problem staying under the radar until it's time to make his move. Until then, he amuses himself trying to find the rest of the Destructix hidden in the crowd.

Down below, the speeches start wrapping up. Charles ruffles his nephew's quills one last time and heads up to the stage. Scourge straightens up as he accepts his award and takes the mic.

"First, I'd like to thank you all for being here today," the hedgehog says. Scourge taps his foot impatiently. "I know it's a bit of a long way for a lot of you - we've got some visitors from Holoska, even! - and it means a lot to me that you'd take the time to make it here today. So thank you."

Ugh, so boring. Can't Fiona hurry up? At this rate, they'll be doing the audience a favor by sparing them all this drivel.

"- of the University of Spagonia for funding my research and going out of his way to help me whenever I needed it. Thank you, old friend."

Scourge taps his communicator and almost jumps when it crackles to life.

"Alright, everyone's in position," Fiona says. "On my mark, Scourge, you're going to distract Sonic. Jump down there, challenge him to a fight, anything. His sole concern needs to be beating you up."

"All he has to do is be himself and Sonic'll be jumping at the chance to tear him a new one," Lightning interjects. "Works on me."

"Oh, shut up," Scourge says. "Fiona, tell him to shut up."

"...well, he has a point."

Lightning's amused huff is audible over the comm. Scourge rolls his eyes. Traitors, all of them.

Fiona's voice goes serious. "But for real. Get him mad and get him out of here. Make him chase you 'till I call you back, and don't give him a second to realize there's more going on. If he comes back here before we're done, it's over. Okay?"

"I got it handled, babe," Scourge says. "Worry about yourself."

"Believe me, I am." The comms go silent a second later. Scourge stands up, shakes the stiffness from his limbs, and hops up to crouch on the railing. It's showtime.

On stage, Charles is still talking. Does the hedgehog not know how to shut up? "And finally, I'd like to thank my family, who loved and supported me every step of the way, up to and including being here with me today as I accept this award. Sonic, my amazing nephew - you've grown so much and, while I wasn't there for all of it-"

Well, that's enough of that. Scourge leaps into the air, curls up, and lands a perfectly executed homing attack on the podium. Splinters, chunks of wood, and a massive dust cloud fly everywhere. Someone in the audience screams, and behind him he can hear Charles stumbling back and coughing furiously.

"Uncle Chuck!" In the front row, Sonic rockets to his feet and dashes forward, only to come skidding to a stop. As the dust dissipates, Scourge grins. He can feel the light glinting off his fangs.

"Long time no see, faker," Scourge spits. He pulls his sunglasses out of the stupid suit jacket's pocket and slides them on with a flourish. "Can't exactly say it's a pleasure seeing you... then again, I always look forward to a chance to kick your butt."

"Wh- Scourge?" the blue idiot sputters. The shock only lasts a matter of seconds before fading, as the flabbergasted expression turns into something more like a smirk. "Well, well. I haven't heard from you since I demolished you and left Zonic to drag your sorry carcass away. Did they let you out on good behavior?"

Good behavior. Hah. As if Sonic knows anything about what goes on in Zone Jail. "Please. I smashed my way out of there the first week. The Zone Jail's in shambles; just ask Zonic! Oh wait - you can't." He laughs.

Sonic's smile slips a notch and the quills on his back bristle. "What happened to Zonic?"

Scourge keeps laughing.

"Alright, pincushion. Maybe you'll tell me when I beat it out of you!" Apparently done talking, Sonic curls up into a spindash. Scourge, still laughing, topples off the wrecked podium and leaves Sonic to smash into the stage where he'd been standing. People are screaming, someone's escorting Charles off the stage, and Scourge is reveling in the chaos.

"Slowing down, blue boy?" he mocks him. "You'll never find out about your stupid friend if you can't even touch me." Zonic's perfectly fine, actually, unless you count the truckload of paperwork Scourge saddled him with after his escape from Zone Jail. Not that Sonic needs to know that, 'cause if anything ticks him off, it's a threat to one of his friends.

And, true to form, Sonic snarls wordlessly and Scourge knows he's got him.

"You're looking kind of slow today - let's see if those legs of yours still work," Scourge calls over his shoulder and takes off. The world blurs around him as he taps into his speed, rockets between panicked partygoers and confused waiters and angry bodyguards. Out of the corner of his eye, he briefly spots Fiona crouching behind a pillar before she's blown away in his wake. Like this, outside sounds, sights, everything drops away, leaving him alone with himself and the wind.

It's nice. Peaceful, even.

And then the only other being who can keep up with him barrels into his side, sending them tumbling over each other right through the big open doors outside. Scourge lands a kick to Sonic's chest, sending him spinning away, and sprints down a sidestreet towards the marketplace. A moment later, the sound of footsteps running at 300 mph picks up behind him.

Scourge grins. The plan's working, then - Sonic's so ticked that he hasn't even stopped to wonder why Scourge isn't stopping to fight, or why he crashed the party in the first place. Now he just has to play this out 'till Fiona's done.

"Been slacking your exercise regimen lately? 'Cause I thought you were faster than this!" Scourge calls out.

"That so?" Sonic returns. The sound is unexpectedly close and Scourge looks back to see Sonic running only a few paces behind him. "I could say the same for you."

Scourge growls and vaults a fruit cart, sending it flying with a back kick. Sonic dodges the cart and dives through the onslaught of flying fruit, coming up without a scratch. Scourge's gained a precious few seconds, but in a contest of speed, those seconds mean everything. He blocks Sonic's path - kicking over trash cans, dodging in front of moving cars, knocking a baby out of its mother's arms with a well placed swipe. Sonic dodges the trash cans, goes over or around the vehicles, and loses a good fifteen seconds saving the baby. By the time they've cleared the marketplace, Scourge is about thirty feet ahead and gaining.

"What's wrong?" Sonic yells. "Scared of a little fight?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Scourge yells back. "Dunno 'bout you, but I'm not wasting my time fighting someone too slow to keep up!" Up ahead, a pile of trash bags is stacked against a sloping wall, reaching up to the edge of the roof. Scourge leaps up in a single bound and sprints along the rooftop. Behind, the trash bags crinkle as Sonic races up, and tiles creak as the hedgehog fights for balance. Scourge snorts and picks up speed.

The rooftop run is fraught with near-misses and almost-falls. This area of town has a mixture of buildings; some are modern and boxy, with flat tops, but there's a number of older structures with pointed tile roofs. Scourge skids down the sloping ridge of one of these, slips off the building, snags a flagpole on the way down and turns his fall into a launch point. He lands upright on the narrow ledge of a skyscraper and darts along the line of windows, flashing a mock salute at some goggle-eyed kid in its bedroom.

Sneakered feet hit the concrete behind him as Sonic pursues, grinning despite his ferocious eyes.

Scourge hooks a fast right as the ledge ends and drops down to the top level of the parking garage nestled against the 'scraper. Mostly he's planning on going back down to street level, but Sonic puts on a burst of speed and tackles him right there.

They roll head over heels across the concrete, colliding with a dusty pickup truck hard enough to dent in the side. Scourge throws himself out of the way and rolls onto his feet just as Sonic picks himself up. The blaring car alarm is the only sound as they stare each other down.

Sonic moves first. He doesn't bother curling up, just lunges fist first at Scourge's face. Scourge ducks the punch and goes in low for Sonic's solar plexus, narrowly dodging a knee to his face. Sonic slams his heel down on Scourge's foot and drives an elbow into his neck. Scourge stumbles back, falling into a roll to avoid Sonic's left hook, and comes up on his feet with room to spare.

There's another moment of staring and circling as they pant heavily and pretend they're not.

And then Sonic steps something that crunches and looks down.

Scourge lunges. Sonic sidesteps him easily and snatches it up - and wait, Chaosdammit that's his communicator-

"Is this a mic?" Sonic asks disbelievingly and then the pieces click.

He stares at Scourge blankly, and Scourge can practically see his train of thought - comms means accomplices, accomplices means there's a plan, a plan means Sonic was intentionally drawn out here away from the ceremony, and if Sonic's out here then -

Then -

Scourge swears and moves to tackle Sonic but the idiot's already gone. Instinctively, his hand goes to his ear - "Fiona, he's coming your way, I-" No, wait, Sonic's got the communicator and it's broken anyway, dammit. The plan's falling apart and it's entirely his fault.

Well. It hasn't fallen apart yet.

Scourge takes off, running full-tilt after Sonic. The irony of the situation isn't lost on him, not that he appreciates it. Sonic's trail is a direct beeline back to the hall. It should be easy to follow, but for some reason Scourge can't catch up those last few feet.

"I thought you wanted to fight, you dingus!" Scourge snaps. "Make up your mind already, sheesh!"

"You tricked me," Sonic growls.

"Uh, yeah? I'm the bad guy. It's kinda what I do."

"What's your actual plan?"

"Thought you were gonna beat me up and find out?"

Sonic snarls and, impossibly, picks up speed. Scourge has to drop the conversation entirely to focus on just keeping up.

They hit the convention hall scarce minutes later. There's clearly a fight going on inside; explosions and the faint sound of screaming accompany the flood of people battering down the doors in their desperation to escape. The Destructix are clearly having fun... and more importantly, haven't escaped yet. What on Moebius are they doing?!

Sonic zips through the crowd, dodging panicking mobians with practiced ease. Scourge doesn't bother; he kicks one middle-aged cat into the heart of the rush and vaults over the resulting pileup without missing a step. "Babe! Hope you're wrapping it up in there!" he yells as they burst into the ceremony hall.

The Destructix are more than holding their own. The security has been almost entirely cleared out; fallen guards litter the area while none of their own are even scratched. Fiona, wielding a G.U.N. issue stun pistol, jerks up in surprise as Sonic skids into the room. "Scourge, you had one job!" she screeches.

"So did you!" Scourge rams into Sonic from behind, sending them both flying into a row of seating. Scourge comes out on top. "What happened to Ch- the target?" he asks, pinning Sonic down with an elbow to his throat.

"Escaped," Fiona says grimly. "We've already informed the Doc... and, uh, we have a new objective now."

Sonic makes a choked-off sound and Scourge leans down harder. Something shifts behind him but he ignores it. "Alright, what is it?"

Fiona hesitates.

And then cold metal claws clamp down around his shoulder and tear him off Sonic, lifting him bodily into the air. The hedgehog wheezes for breath on the ground, but Scourge isn't paying attention. He's not paying attention to anything anymore, because in front of him-

"What the hell are you doing here," Scourge breathes.

Artificial red eyes burn into his own. "Don't touch my son," says Jules, and the anger in his voice causes every limb in Scourge's body to lock up with instinctive fear.

Of course Jules is here, Charles is his brother, why wouldn't he attend the ceremony - hadn't the blasted hedgehog said as much during his speech? Scourge should've realized it then. This was a bad idea, they need to get out of here, why did Scourge even come here in the first place-

Something in Jules' mechanical expression thaws.

The clawhold on his shoulder eases as he's lowered to his feet, but Scourge's brain is still spinning in circles. He's gone completely unresponsive, some part of him knows, but he can't think.

"Get away from him!" Fiona yells and plants a high kick right in the center of Jules' chest. The robian goes flying, pursued by Simian, and Hawk swoops down behind them to tackle Sonic away. "Babe," Fiona says, kneeling down beside Scourge, feeling frantically at his shoulder. "Did he get you?"

The world shifts a little bit back into place. "No," Scourge mutters. "Fiona, I don't-"

"Save it." Fiona's eyes are full of worry as she grabs his wrist and hauls him to his feet. "I think you need to sit this one out, sweetie."

"What? No." Scourge grips her hand like a lifeline. "I can fight. I can still fight."

"Scourge... the new target is Jules."

Something in his chest catches. Scourge stares at her, and around them, the noise of the battle seems to fade. "...what? Why?"

Fiona grimaces. "We lost the inventor of roboticization. Next best thing is its last survivor."

"No. We're not doing that." Scourge has no idea what he's doing, only that they cannot hand his- hand Jules over to Finitevus. He catches both her hands in his own and squeezes them tight. "Call off the mission, we're going home."

Fiona stares at him. "What? Scourge, you can't be serious! After all the work we've put into this? And what about the beryl?"

"We already got the beryl from the first mission. We'll be careful and save it until we can restock. We've gotten this far without any beryl at all, we don't need it that badly!" Scourge hesitates. "...Fiona, please."

It's the last word that breaks her. She knows how bad he hates saying it, knows how much this means to him that he's saying it now. Her shoulders slump in defeat. "...fine. But you get to explain this to the Doc - and please, let's try to avoid burning that bridge again."

Scourge squeezes her hand one last time before letting go. "Thanks, Fi. And don't worry about the Doc; I'll take care of him."

"That's what I'm worried about," Fiona grumbles, but she's smiling. "Alright, team," she calls out, pulling out her warp ring. "Mission's off. We're going home."

"Wait, what?" Hawk asks and nearly gets clobbered by Sonic for his trouble. "Why?"

"Ask questions when we get home," Fiona says and throws the ring. As the portal whooshes open, Scourge turns to survey the troops. Lightning and Simian are slowly retreating back to the portal, fighting Jules every step of the way, while Hawk and Fly are trying without much success to fend off Sonic long enough to run.

Scourge spindashes into Sonic, knocking him off-balance. "Get to the portal, idiots!" To Sonic, he adds, "Sorry, but it looks like we're cutting this date short." If Chaos has even a drop of mercy in its unforgiving soul, Sonic will have been too thoroughly distracted by the fight to have overheard his exchange with Fiona.

And it looks like for once, his prayers are answered, because Sonic's grin, strained with exhaustion though it is, hints at nothing off. "I'm not letting you get away this time," he says and launches into another spindash. "I still have some questions for you to answer!"

"Then they'll have to wait for next time." Scourge ducks the attack and slams his heel into Sonic as he passes, boosting his momentum to slam into the opposite wall. "Alright, time to go!" he yells, scrambling for the portal. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the rest of the Destructix doing the same.

Fiona's already waiting at the portal, with one leg halfway through, and-

"-aaaaaAAAUGH, WHAT THE HELL," she screams and falls back, pinwheeling wildly.

"Fiona!" Scourge yells and then the world blurs briefly and he's at her side, hauling her to her feet. "Fi, what's-" and then he screams too, because Finitevus is literally right there, climbing through the ring like a monster in a horror movie.

The battle cuts off. A few feet away, a newly recovered Sonic skids to a stop, staring incredulously. The Destructix are sort of ranged out behind him, looking to Scourge and Fiona for the next move. And who knows where Jules is.

"Dude," Scourge says emphatically, putting a hand to his chest. "Don't do that."

"What are you doing," Finitevus hisses.

Scourge makes a show of looking around. "Uh, escaping? I mean, what does it look like?"

"I should have known better than expect you lot to pull through," Finitevus mutters, and hey, that's actually kind of offensive.

"Hey! Screw you, man!" Scourge yells, shaking his fist. "We're leaving 'cause we want to, not 'cause we're losing!" Fiona slaps a palm to her face.

"Oh? And what possible reason could you have to do that?" Finitevus asks, but he doesn't seem very interested in an answer, because his hands flare with dark energy a second later, and Scourge knows what that means.

"Scatter!" he yells and hits the ground with Fiona as a bolt of Chaos energy goes right over their heads. Fiona rolls out from under him as he leaps to his feet.

Sonic seems to have switched targets. Currently, he's hammering away at Finitevus' defenses, running his mouth the whole time. The ring portal is still open behind Finitevus, but they need to get the crazy echidna out of the way first.

Fiona, as usual, is two steps ahead. "You're going to need to team up with Sonic."

"What, seriously? Can't we just let Sonic take care of the Doc and ditch?"

She gives him a flat look. "I don't know how he did it, but Finitevus must have hijacked the ring's signal and keyed it to his lair. I need time to reset it before we can leave. Just, you know-" she waves a hand vaguely. "Move the fight away. Whale on Finitevus. Keep them both off my back long enough for me to work."

"Ugh. Fine." Scourge turns around on his heel. "Hey, loser!" he calls out, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Five minute truce?"

Sonic uncurls in midair long enough to yell, "Make it two!"

Fiona had better work fast, because this isn't going to take long. "Destructix, watch Fiona's back," he orders and throws himself into the fight.

Finitevus was clearly anticipating something like this, because he moves smoothly into defending against the both of them without hesitation. And it's - frustrating. Whenever Scourge throws a punch, a ring portal swirls into being in just the right place to take his hit. If he tries a kick, the same thing. And Chaos forbid he spindashes, or he'll wind up on the opposite side of the room (or, more accurately, slamming into Sonic).

Between the ring portals and the constant misdirection, the two minute mark passes and they haven't landed a single hit. The guy isn't on their level, exactly, but he's unpredictable with enough tricks that he could probably take either of them on their own. Against both of them, he doesn't stand a chance - or he wouldn't if Sonic would get out of his way.

"Dude, we're supposed to be working together!" Sonic snaps.

Scourge flicks his ear (it's been ringing since Finitevus dropped a portal that sent a spindashing Sonic on a collision course with Scourge's face) and ducks beneath a Chaos-infused punch. "Not my fault you can't keep up."

He sidesteps a second punch and follows up with a roundhouse kick that comes inches from the Doc's face before another ring portal intercepts. Dammit.

Sonic, of course, chooses that moment to go for a homing attack, which takes him right into the portal as Finitevus dodges. From somewhere on the other side of the room, the moron makes a faint oomph sound as the portal spits him out.

Scourge rolls his eyes and sweeps his legs under Finitevus' ankles, forcing the echidna to stumble back. "You make a remarkably disloyal minion," Finitevus says and drops into a portal.

On a hunch, Scourge spins around and slams a haymaker into Finitevus' face when the echidna reappears behind him. "Calling me a minion was your first mistake, Doc," Scourge says. "I'm the king, baby."

Finitevus snarls and vanishes again. "I must wonder at the cause of this particular instance," his voice says. Scourge whirls around, fists up before him, but the scientist is nowhere to be seen. "You were, after all, so eager to serve at first. What changed your mind?"

"You really gotta learn the difference between serving and making a deal, bud," Scourge says. "This why your friends always leave you?"

Finitevus ignores him. "Nothing changed between then and now. Nothing... except the target." Something flickers in the corner of Scourge's eye and he starts to turn, but he's met with a blow to the jaw followed by one to the shin. Scourge crumples to his knee with a cry of pain and looks up to see Finitevus' Chaos-powered boot swing for his face-

And then someone's hand snags his wrist and they're moving.

The world blurs just a little as Sonic hauls him across the room at lightning speed to drag him behind an overturned table. Scourge clutches the lapels of his jacket and tries to force his racing heartbeat to settle. For a second, they just breathe.

"Okay, we need to coordinate," Sonic says belatedly.

"Don't tell me what to do," Scourge says, mostly on reflex.

Sonic rolls his eyes. "If you draw his fire, I'll go behind to take him offguard. Think you can do that?"

"What? No. You draw his fire and I'll sneak up behind him."

"Yeah, maybe I'd do that if I had any faith at all in your stealth. You aren't exactly subtle, bud."

Scourge thinks back to every mission that involved some level of sabotage/stealth/general sneakery and their inevitably disastrous ends and winces. Unfortunately, he has a point. "Fine, whatever. Don't mess this up, dweeb." A blast of chaos energy rocks the floor beneath their feet - time's up. Finitevus is here.

Scourge breaks for the left.

"Hey old man, having trouble keeping up?" He leaps into the air as Finitevus goes for a sweeping kick and curls into a spindash, aimed at the scientist's head. Predictably, he sails right into a ring portal and falls out several feet away. In midair, he uncurls and kicks off the ground to rebound towards Finietvus.

The Doc raises his hands coated in Chaos energy and actually catches the spindash. For a moment, they war against each other - dark energy to living buzzsaw - before Finitevus shoves back and they break apart.

Scourge hits the ground in a crouch and lunges again. This time, he feints an uppercut followed up with a knee strike to the gut. The echidna stumbles back, but recovers almost instantly. As Scourge goes in for another strike, Finitevus snags his collar and yanks him off-balance, slamming him into the dirt. Scourge tries to wriggle out of his grip, but the Doc pins him to the ground with a hand on his throat and a knee on his chest.

"I can't say I haven't been waiting for this," the mad scientist breathes, and raises a handful of swirling black energy.

Scourge scrabbles helplessly at his wrist and wonders, briefly, if this is it.

And then a blue ball of spikes rockets out of nowhere, smacking into the back of Finitevus' head so hard the floor creaks when he faceplants. Scourge kicks him off and rolls back onto his feet, smacking away Sonic's outstretched hand. The echidna staggers upright, but his shield is broken and Sonic and Scourge poised on either side of him. The echidna eyes them warily, rings at the ready, and for a second no one moves.

"Got it!" Fiona's voice breaks the spell.

Sonic's concentration slips. Scourge can see it; the way his posture straightens slightly, the way he half-turns to face her. Finitevus sees it too.

And then Finitevus' hands are up, radiating dark energy, and Scourge drops into a defensive stance 'cause the blue buffoon can get himself killed if he wants but Scourge is going down fighting- but Finitevus isn't looking at either of them.

He's looking behind them.

At Jules.

Jules, who has no Chaos abilities, can't break the sound barrier on a whim, can't dodge bullets point-blank.

Jules, who both is his father and isn't, who's a machine but still alive, who stood across from Scourge in a dark room and didn't flinch though Scourge held his life in his hands, who loves his wife and child and wouldn't hesitate to die for either of them.

Jules, who would walk a random stranger through a panic attack on the street but can't dodge a Chaos spear if it's pointed at his chest.

Time slows down to a crawl. Scourge doesn't think.

He just moves.

The last thing he sees, as pain erupts from his chest like lightning and the world is drowned out by the black of corrupted Chaos energy, is the bright red of Jules' horrified eyes.

There's a beeping noise somewhere near his ear. Fiona's phone, probably (even though it sounds nothing like her alarm). Scourge reaches up to shut it off and is stopped halfway by the clink of cold metal.

...huh?

He opens his eyes to dim electric light and a pounding headache. There's a hard surface beneath his back, thin sheets around him, and a metallic chill around his wrists, ankles, and throat.

Through the haze, something about the last one feels familiar.

Beside him, something rustles, and a soft voice says, "Awake, then?"

"Dad?" Scourge mumbles foggily. For a moment he's eight again, in the hospital after a near-drowning, and his dad took a whole day off from work to rush to his bedside and hold his hand. It was the first time he'd seen him in a week.

Then reality catches up and reminds him that no, his dad is dead and whatever's going on here is something to worry about. The fog is gone in an instant.

Scourge's eyes snap open and he throws himself as much he can to the far side of the bed from the figure standing there now. Jules is there - a little scratched and dinged up but very much alive.

There's a flicker of something like relief inside him before Scourge stuffs it down and crushes it very firmly. Chaos, Fiona was right. He let his stupid hangups about this robian get out of hand, and now look what's happened - the mission went south, Scourge is chained to a hospital bed, the rest of the Destructix are nowhere to be seen, and worst of all, he made a heroic sacrifice like he's Sonic or something.

Chaos, Scourge is never living this one down.

"It's good to see you're moving around already," Da- Jules says in that same too-soft tone. "Some of the doctors were convinced you wouldn't live another day. I suppose any son of mine, even from another dimension, is just too durned stubborn to go out like that..."

"Don't," Scourge rasps.

Jules blinks at him. "Pardon?"

"That." Scourge lets go of the bed's railing just long enough to gesture irritably. "I'm not your son. Don't call me that."

Instead of rearing back in offense or dropping the nice act altogether, Jules tilts his head slightly, as though in recognition. "Ah," he says after a moment. "So that was you."

Scourge freezes and tries to play it off. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That day in front of Chuck's diner," Jules says. "That was you. I wasn't sure, since you were still supposed to be in Zone Jail then."

"Chuck's diner? What?" Scourge forces a laugh. It comes out entirely fake and just a little unhinged.

"You had a panic attack," Jules continues, unperturbed. "I walked you through it. Honestly, at the time, I thought it was because of me."

It was because of you, Scourge wants to say. Instead, he asks, "Whaddya mean?"

Jules gestures vaguely to himself. "I'm a robian," he says. "Robotnik put Knothole through a lot when the roboticizor was still functioning. Plenty of people have had... adverse reactions to my body in the past. It's unfortunate but can't really be helped, except through time and patience."

...for some reason, that stings. Scourge pushes the thought away and snorts. "Sucks to be you. Don't see what that has to do with me."

"You did ask," Jules reminds him, which is fair. He supposes. They lapse into silence.

Scourge slumps against the bed, a little more relaxed with no attack evidently imminent, and holds up a hand to the light. The dangling cuff glints coldly. He can't reach the collar on his neck, but he suspects it shines the same way - like the inhibitors back at Zone Jail. "You guys already talked to Zonic, then?" he guesses.

He's not really expecting an answer, but Jules gives one anyway. "We did. He gave us that inhibitor collar you're wearing right now." Nailed it. "He wanted to take you back with him to Zone Jail right away, but with the condition you were in, we didn't want to risk moving you until you were stable."

Scourge flexes his fingers, watching the muscles move. He'd suspected already, given how drained he feels right now, but knowing that he's wearing the collar is... disheartening. That level of powerlessness is something he'd never wanted to feel again. "I'm stable now. So when will you be moving me?"

Jules hesitates. "Now that you're awake, we'll probably call Zonic to pick you up sometime tomorrow. It's nighttime right now."

"What? How long was I out?"

"Two days."

Two days, and he's still here? Either the Destructix got nabbed too (possible), are planning a rescue mission (unlikely), or ditched (most likely). That... also stings. A lot. He'd liked Fiona, and he was getting used to the rest of the idiots, too.

"What about my team?" he asks.

"Vanished. They tried to retrieve you but retreated when reinforcements arrived."

It doesn't mean much - he is, after all, their strongest fighter and tactically it makes sense to avoid losing him if possible - but it makes Scourge feel better to know they'd at least tried. He lets his hand fall back to the bed with a metallic jingle.

"I still don't understand," Jules says, and Chaos, why won't he shut up? Is this something inherent to Sonic's family? "Why did you save me?"

Scourge inspects the patterns of cracks on the ceiling. That one looks like Sleuth Dog's face. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he mumbles.

"You took an attack meant for me. That much concentrated Chaos energy would've killed me - it's likely the only reason you survived is because you're a very adept controller."

"Sounds like you already have an answer to me."

There's a brief pause. Scourge continues avoiding eye contact. "I do have an idea," Jules says softly. "But I'd like to hear a confirmation from your own mouth."

Scourge doesn't say anything.

What's he supposed to say - that every time he sees Jules some stupid, long-dead part of him longs for his approval? That Jules is dredging up memories better left buried? That when he saw his dad - any version of him - in danger, that his first instinct was to protect him, despite everything he'd done?

Ha. Yeah, right.

"Think what you want, old man." Scourge bares his teeth. "It doesn't mean anything. It was an accident."

Jules doesn't waver. "I think we both know that's not true."

Can't this guy take no for an answer? Scourge huffs and rolls over as much as he can so his back is toward Jules. "Leave," he says. It's what you're best at, after all.

"Sonic heard that you attacked the ceremony to kidnap Chuck."

Scourge has a sudden, sinking feeling he knows where this is going. "I don't care. Go away."

Jules marches on, implacable. "He said that halfway through, after Chuck escaped, Finitevus told you to switch targets. That the new target was me."

"Shut up!"

"And that when you heard I was in danger, you-"

"So I called it off, alright?" Scourge bolts upright. The handcuffs snap back against his wrists painfully and his ankles scream as the cuffs cut into his skin, but he's too furious and aching and raw to care. "Yeah, I called off the mission. Yeah, I took that stupid attack. It doesn't change anything! I'm still your enemy, I'm still going to kill Sonic, I'm still going to tear apart your world and everything you love! So what if I- if I..."

"Risked all that to save one broken-down, tactically unimportant robian?" Jules finishes quietly.

"Yes! No!" Scourge tries to bury his face in his hands and can't even do that, damn this tiny range of motion. "Will you leave me alone?" Metal glints in the corner of his eye as Jules reaches out a hand. Scourge growls deep in his throat until the hand is slowly drawn back.

Mercifully, the robian is silent while Scourge desperately tries to keep himself from falling apart. Chaos, what is wrong with him?

"What do you want from me," he mutters.

This time, it's Jules who looks away. "There's not much time before I have to call Zonic in," he says. "Before he left the first time, there was talk of... life in solitary confinement. Or execution."

Breathe. It's fine. Scourge has been in worse scrapes before. "I can see where the similarities between you and my dad come in," he says softly. Venomously. "He never hesitated to lock me away, either." Sure, it hadn't exactly been tossing him in a prison cell and throwing away the key, but the perpetual grounding to an empty mansion, the total abandonment of him to an endless stream of nannies... and then, of course, that fiasco right before he died.

Dads. So eager to foist their screwups on other people, wash their hands and move on.

"Doesn't any of this setup seem odd to you?" Jules asks abruptly.

Scourge blinks, thrown. "What? You hit your head somewhere, old man?"

"Think about it. You're a top-priority prisoner. You've broken out of Zone Jail. And yet your only security here is an inhibitor collar, some handcuffs, and a broken-down old robian."

...there's a trap here somewhere, Scourge knows it. "Yesss?" He eyes Jules warily. Is this some kinda reverse-psychology thing?

Jules laughs wearily. "You're not the only one with emotional ties he can't quite cut, son."

"Don't call me that," Scourge says reflexively before the weight of Jules' words catch up to him. "Wait, what? Are you saying-" and then he cuts off, because that's so ridiculous it shouldn't be said out loud.

"Yes," Jules confirms. "I volunteered for guard duty because I had to ask, first. To make sure for myself that something of my son is in there."

"I am not your son," Scourge snaps. Distantly, some part of him recognizes that he's being actively detrimental - that if he plays his cards right he could actually walk out of this free - but he's past that kind of rational behavior now. "You're chasing ghosts, old man! Stop looking for stuff that isn't gonna happen!"

"You're not my son," Jules agrees. "You're not my Sonic. But you're a Sonic, and somewhere... that potential for great good is inside you."

And isn't that exactly what Sonic had said on their last birthday - the day he'd finally ditched that lame Anti-Sonic moniker, had finally stepped out of Sonic's shadow into his own light - that all it'd take is a bit of decency, and Scourge would be just like him? The echo stills him.

"You're making a mistake," he says hoarsely. He's not going back to Zone Jail, he'll die before he goes back to that hellhole, but he needs Jules to understand this. "I'm not Sonic. I'm no hero. If you let me go, I'm just gonna go right back to doing what I did before. People will die because of you."

"No, they won't," Jules says, half-smiling. "I've done my research. The Destructix don't kill. You wreak havoc and destroy things, but... no bodies. I understand it's to avoid trouble with G.U.N.," he adds, holding up a hand to forestall Scourge's protests, "But you don't have a body count. That's important."

Shows what he knows - but Scourge can't bring himself to point out the obvious. "I still ruin lives," Scourge says instead. "There's other ways to kill people without holding a gun to their heads."

"I know. And that's where I'm being selfish." The half-smile turns into a full smile, but it's so sad and wracked with exhaustion and bitterness that Scourge has to look away. "I... I lost my son once. I can't help it... I can't watch a son of mine - from any universe - be destroyed while I can do anything to stop it. I'm not a good person, Scourge. I've lost too much to try. So I'm going to be selfish, just this once, and hope you don't make me regret it."

Scourge is silent. He's silent when Jules stands up and unlocks the cuffs, one by one. He's silent when Jules reaches up to his throat to unlock the inhibitor, and he's silent when it falls away and power rushes freely beneath his skin once more.

His boots are on the floor, suit jacket draped over a chair. He pulls on the shoes and digs through the pockets until he finds his sunglasses, but leaves the jacket behind.

"Scourge," Jules says quietly, as Scourge pushes the window open. He hesitates over the window sill, half inside and half out.

If Jules asks him to stay, he doesn't know what he'll do.

But he doesn't. In the end, Jules looks down and whispers, "If you ever need somewhere to rest, my home is always open. Till then... be safe, son."

The words catch in Scourge's throat. He nods, wordlessly, and drops out of the window to land lightly on his feet on the ground below. For a moment, he dallies beneath the window, waiting for-

For...

He doesn't know. Scourge shivers in the cool night air and starts running.

...thanks, Dad.

He finds the base a few hours later, jogging to the next town over and hopping a train the rest of the way. When he walks in, the base goes dead silent.

Fiona leaps up from the circle of Destructix - planning a rescue mission, he later finds out - and tackles him, hugging and pounding him in equal measure. She cries a little too, which he only discovers when she points out he's tearing up himself. The Destructix surround them, yelling over each other and clapping him on the back until Simian picks them all up in a group hug. It's at that point that Scourge declares he's done with all this mushy stuff and if they don't knock it off he won't bother coming back next time. Fiona announces that if there is a next time he won't have to worry about coming back because she'll kill him first, and Simian gives them all one last squeeze before turning them loose.

Scourge retrieves his leather jacket with a sense of great relief and they all end up watching another trashy samurai movie, which Lightning ruins again. Fiona holds him tight the whole time and doesn't chew him out like he deserves, for which Scourge is unendingly grateful.

He doesn't go back to the house. He pulls jobs with the Destructix, they beat up on Sonic and his lackeys, they have one run-in which Finitevus that they come off much worse for. And they watch crappy movies, eat ridiculous amounts of junk food, and get personally banned from every arcade and amusement park across the continent. He's... not gonna lie, it's actually pretty fun.

But in the back of his head, the house is always there. The robian bustling around the empty kitchen in a pink apron. The scent of pancakes frying. Till then... be safe, son.

It takes a long time - months of denial, of wondering and longing and furious self-restraint - but he caves eventually.

He shows up on a morning he knows Sonic and his mom won't be there. He doesn't knock on the door, or ring the bell. Mostly, he just hovers outside, unable to work up his nerve to do anything.

He's about to leave when the door swings open. Jules stands there, looking exactly the same as he did that night by the hospital bed, with eyes too soft for his wayward not-son. Scourge, half-frozen on the sidewalk, searches for something to say and comes up empty. They stare at each other silently.

Scourge shoves his hands in his pockets and forces back the lump in his throat. "I was in the area, so I dropped by," he mutters. "Don't think this means anything."

Jules looks at him for a long moment and Scourge forgets to breathe. Slowly, softly, his dad smiles. "Welcome home, son."

#sth #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #scourge the hedgehog #fiona fox #jules the hedgehog #destructix #fanfiction #sonic fanfiction #sonic fanfic #i cant look at it anymore take it

[imbecilenumber1]

okay, so the sitiation for the mo. cause shits been fucked for the past few years and i gotta do something

did the whole ana thing when i was 13 in 2017. in 2018 (bout six months later) was hospitalized and did the whole shtick for 5 months (i forced myself to “get better” real fast bc i’m trans and nobody knew and being in a girls facility was NOT helping) and basically have been steadily gaining weight ever since.

i’m tall, so weight distribution isn’t terrible, but this quarantine i basically binged every night, so i was 200, but i got weighed a few days ago and am now 230. i needed a fucking change. turns out i hate being fat.

so. i’m back on the wagon now. fell off for a while. only problem is, and this is why when i left res i didn’t immediately start again, i live with my parents and one is like pro recovery has an eating disorder of her own, and one gets sus at literally ANYTHING that hints at restriction, despite the fact i’m practically obese and need to fucking drop some shit.

so my current plan is to be waaaaaaay more subtle than last time, which i actually had no idea how to do bc i have zero chill and i didn’t know i needed to hide an ed. thought i could just lose 80 in 4 months and no one would notice. but my plan rn is to go under 1000, preferably around 600, when they aren’t looking. not going above 1200 when they aren’t looking. it’s shit, i know, it’s way more than last time, but it kinda has to do for now until i lose the absolute BAGGAGE of fat rolls and arms and legs and ugh. i’ve started going on pretty decent walks every day for abt an hr, which burns abt 400-500. so i have abt a total of 100-700 actually being in my body every day. i started this abt 4 days ago and it’s been GREAT. the walks are way easier to work in than i thought, especially when my dad walks with me, and then i also get to use spending time with him as an excuse (which i also genuinely like spending time with him— the other option is him being at work and me going alone, the excuse is like an added bonus). i’m thinking of working in second hour walks when they go to bed, which should be pretty easy. the wake up schedule is way late now bc of virtual school, so i can go to bed pretty late and no one worries. that should be abt 400-500 cal, i don’t want to do more than that rn even though i prob should.

my aim is to basically lose abt 70 lbs by summer, which would put me at 160, which is okay. then i go away to summer camp for two months and i’m going to be cit and no one watches your fucking meal intake like they do when you’re a camper and that’s gonna be fucking great bc then i can restrict all i fucking want, and you naturally have to walk all over the place there, so i burn cals that way, and i can also excersice way late there (i have to be honest. i absolutely fucking hate aerobics or weight training or running or whatever. i rly only like walking. maybe, if i get some muscle by walking a lot in the first month or two, i’ll up it to a jog to get things going faster. but honestly, walking will do for now).

i’m just rly fucking hoping the 90 online weight loss calculators fucking didn’t lie. right now i won’t know, i’m flying blind bc after my 2017 stint all the scales in either house were thrown away. fingers crossed.

[bisexualpromtis]

Hi I’m, dead, I’m so sorry you guys

But it’s 3AM and I’m kicking around Headcanons so, here you go

-Noctis never even playfully ‘hits’ prom, like friendly bonks on the shoulder or head. Prom does it to Noctis sometimes, but the first and only time Noctis did it to prompto prom flinched, and Noct was like kay, nope, never again

-I don’t think particularly in depth abt characters’ childhood abuse because I... don’t enjoy doing so, but prom’s got a spotty, negligent past and, iunno, he seems like he might have some reflexes here or there

-for my promptis, they sort of mutually get each other to eat better in the future; noct complains abt prompto being Too Skinny like, all the time, and prom thinks it’s fine because he eats well, and it’s better than eating junk food all the time, but noct insists and it turns into a sort of,,, “I’ll try if you try >:P”

-noct still hates vegetables but sometimes they do their best to cook together and come up with things they can both enjoy??? Man grilled veggies are great I just can’t let my boy eat garbage the rest of his life

-Prompto Will Gain Weight And Everyone Will Be Nice To Him About It

-not a headcanon but someday I gotta draw older prompto not looking like he’s on death’s door and hasn’t slept for ten years

-older Noctis still doesn’t brush his god damn hair but since he’s let it grow out it’s more relaxed and less ridiculous

-sometimes his bros try to tidy up his hair when he falls asleep in a public space but the next time they see him it’s always messed up again. Is he doing this on purpose??

-in the future prom and noct take for-hecking-ever to establish their relationship with anyone else. Like they just never talk about it, and things only get weird if people question when the king is gonna pick a spouse. Everyone close to them knows they’re together, of course, but whenever they are together, at least for the first few years, they can’t be bothered with anything that isn’t each other,,,, so they never talk about the relationship outside of their relationship lol

-I guess the last thing has to do with the common HC that noct is really good at turning the regal professionality on and off, which I can jive with... but in reality they’re just too gay to function when they’re together so when they’re not together they can actually focus and behave normally :)

-I just love these boys a lot

-I’m really gay

I wish I had more but I was mostly thinking about the first thing. I tend to stray towards more relatable things to myself or my friends when it comes to headcanons and stuff :B

I FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE

Ignis memes! Like very seldom and not always accurately, but sometimes he dead-faced sneaks a circle fingers into a conversation or something and if one of the boys notice they lose their absolute minds

(This has smt to do with something I wanted to draw a long time ago but just never had the time :’| but yeah. Ignis memes.)

#ffxv #long post #promptis #sorry!! sorry!! hello!! #i havent had time to draw even my own OCs let alone my honorary OCs #:(

[skinnistoner-blog]

i think i need to give a little about myself.

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

i didn’t think this would be so triggering. but it really really really is very triggering! please be warned 💛

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

⚠️talks of eating disorders and selfharm. goes in depth of sad story’s. please if you could be triggered don’t read⚠️

trigger warning

hi. i am meiku. or that’s what you can call me. that’s not my real name. i’m keeping this 100% anonymous. i am gonna talk about my progress here. strictly mental health related stuff.

i am 15. 16 on september 13th. i have been trapped in an eating disorder since i was about 7 or so. i didn’t care much about food at all until about 3rd grade. maybe 2nd. but i had like daily binges. i didn’t realize it at the time. i always knew i was bigger than others, but i’m also tall. so i didn’t think food was the issue. i remember i’ve had self-esteem issues since 3rd grade because my best friend had to always remind me i was beautiful. i became homeschooled in 7th grade, just before that, that bestfriend moved 1.5 thousand miles away because her mom died. i remember so vividly, i was binging. and turned to the side, saw my gut and said “that’s it i’m having an eating disorder now.”

now let me explain. at this point in my life i thought i had anxiety, depression and a newly decided eating disorder. nothing determined by a therapist, my parents don’t believe in mental health. and still nothing is determined by a therapist, but i know now you don’t just decide if u have or don’t have a mental illness. because when i thought i had those things, i didn’t even know the half of it.

something i feel i should add here, me and my bestfriend that moved both “pretended” to have mental health issues. i say “pretended” because we thought we did, but didn’t. anyways, we sharped the back of pencils and took the sharp metal and scratched our wrists to see how hard it was to hide selfharm marks. it was her idea, but i regret so much saying yes. we promised to not allow ourselves to bleed. we went to the corner of the playground and did it. she made herself bleed and ever since then i’ve struggled with selfharm. i’ve punched, bruised, hit, scratched, pulled, grabbed, cut, burn, all of it.. and i got about 3-4 months clean of everything but hitting and punching and bruising and fvcked up abt a month ago with burning and everything but cutting, then cutting a week ago. it’s been a struggle so i thought i’d add it.

i made an instagram to track my progress and as you all probably did too, fell into pro-ana 12 yr olds and followed calorie diets and workout plans and coldbaths and laxatives, never did i purge though. after my first account got deleted, i made another. then it got deleted, and i made another. then that one got deleted, and now on my account i have 3 followers. 3 people i know the face, age, life, and story of. i don’t trust much anymore so please don’t report this, it took a lot to make this.

throughout 7th and 8th, i gained height. i mean i was still young of course i would. i went from 5’6-5’9 and wasn’t eating much and working out a lot so i jumped from 167 to 148. then lost control and uncontrollably binged for a while. i remember every time i stepped on the scale i had a new highest weight. 170, 172.3, 178, 181, 186, 189. “surely it can’t get higher than this.” i’d say every time i stepped off. then my highest weight. 198. i haven’t gotten higher. and i hope i never get to 200. i can’t. i cannot. i’m 197.2 atm and keep dropping and gaining the same 6 pounds.

but anyways. at the end of summer 18’ my bestfriend (not the same one^ my new one hah) told me her story of her bulimia. it hit me in a lot of ways but one definite way was motivation. it became a game to me. i kept losing and got down to 170. bouncing from 169-173. i went to homecoming with her. we became close ass friends. i came out about my ednos story and we shared tips (not proana sh¡t. like how to overcome a binge) after a while i started trying to purge, at this current date i have purged 2 or 3 times and have tried like 10 times. but slowly both of our lives have fallen apart. i don’t have her much anymore bc she came clean to her parents about her mental health tendencies, and they reacted negatively. so i’m alone again. i have my 3 followers and i couldn’t physically be anymore greatful for them. but i miss not feeling alone.

so please. let’s be friends.

[daz4i]

yknow i’m gonna keep rantin abt this bc i have juice in me

i don’t think skinny people realize how much it sucks to be fat

i spoke abt fashion earlier and well. the fashion industry is rigged against us. because we’re not meant to be seen! people don’t want to remember we exist!

buying clothes is a pain! there’s literally only one chain store in my entire country that sells clothes in my size, and they’re all really fucking ugly and meant for old ladies, mostly 

that’s one of the reasons i can only wear graphic tees tbh. they’re the only thing i can find (usually in special stores for that or ordered online) that can fit me, will be comfortable, and also not look too bad 

hoodies and other outwear and stuff? i have to buy online, usually about a few sizes more than might fit “just in case” because here they’re just not sold in my size at all! clothes that can look good in general just don’t ever get to my size tbh, even online

yknow, even if nice clothes were sold in my size, i’d probably not wear them bc like i said - we’re not meant to be seen. i’m not meant to draw looks. dressing nicely isn’t a thing i’m supposed to to. and if i did do that, i’d get mean comment, yknow? if i went in public with an outfit that draws attention, i guarantee you i’d get nasty comments about my weight.

not that i don’t get them already even when wearing bland shit, but that’s another topic lmao.

plus sized models are almost never truly fat. they’re curvy. plus sized men models are usually a bit chubby but even then, relatively flat stomaches (in comparison to their chests for example), nothing too extreme. fat girls who upload pics of them in nice outfits and get lots of love on social media? they’re all aesthetically pleasing girls, perfect fat girls. they still have the curvy body type that people like seeing, just a bit bigger. most fat people aren’t like that. you can barely see pictures of our bodies, because no one wants to see us, and that’s why we never show it.

and as i started saying earlier - going outside in general! that’s fucking terrifying to me as a fat person! i can vividly remember more than a few times people just told me gross shit over my weight - people i didn’t know, who just decided to tell me i’m fat/i should go on a diet when they saw me in public (or at school, and no, it wasn’t another student). i can’t go outside without thinking “someone is going to laugh at me because i’m fat. someone will call me out for that. someone is going to say a nasty comment”. i can’t afford to wear eye grabbing clothes, not money wise, but emotionall - because if i get people’s attention, i’ll also get bad people’s attention. but really, i don’t even need to wear unique stuff for that - it’s enough that i just exist and fatphobes will be sure to mention how gross my body is to them, whether i asked or not (spoiler alert, i never ask).

you may say “just lose weight” but it’s not easy!!!! i’ve always been fat! and i probably always will be! it’s genes, i’m guessing. really, even when i went on diets before, even when i was watching what i eat and did sports, nothing’s changed - it’s just my body. you know, when i did lose weight - about 20kg/44 lbs - nothing changed either? i went down one pants size. i still looked p much still very fat. so even if i go to a healthy weight, there’s a very good chance i’ll still look fat. also, just to be clear, i lost that weight because i couldn’t eat for about 2 months. not a very healthy way to diet, if you ask me, and yes i already gained them all back, p quickly actually, bc i wasn’t supposed to lose that weight in the first place, bc that’s my body! that’s how it looks and that’s how it is!

honestly the whole matter of losing weight is kinda fucked up too. you hear abt celebrities mention it recently, how they managed to get thin quickly by going on extreme diets that were super unhealthy and they also had personal trainers and were actually almost always hungry. and they usually don’t even start that fat either. imagine if the average fat person could even get access and afford the whole thing these celebrities have, it’d still take us months of this hell to actually be thin, which i imagine is.... not very healthy. honestly, usually when you see people lose a lot of weight in a few months, they usually only became fat in the first place p quickly too and didn’t start out as fat. if a person who has always been fat tried it, i don’t even think it’ll work. like i said about my own weight loss: my body gained this weight back super quickly, because that’s its natural form and what it’s supposed to be. maybe with an intense and strict diet for a few years i could manage to lose this much weight again. but why would i want to? especially since i have a good feeling that if i break this diet i’ll just gain it back too. and yeah, i probably would only go down by a size or two at best. 

and!!! i’m not even THAT fat!!!! when i go to that chain store i mentioned earlier, i’m actually along the lower sizes they sell! if i wear the right clothes and hold myself properly and don’t try to do things like jump or w/e, i’m still fat but it’s not a thing people really notice unless they look for it, really. i can go up in sizes when shopping in online plus size shops if i want things to fit loosely. i have it easy. THAT’S easy. i can’t even imagine what it’s like to be fatter than i am, or have less ~aesthetically pleasing~ (in the eyes of skinny people) fat destribution than i do, but i’m guessing it’s even rougher tbh.

it sucks man! it fucking sucks ass! we’re not allowed to exist! we’re not allowed to be physically seen! we’re here to be a laughing stock or to be used as a bad example or to be a villain in a kids movie, and that’s it! skinny people don’t wanna see us unless it’s in a bad context! they hate us for existing! fat = bad is such a normalized idea that even when someone points out to anyone that they gained weight, not even in a malicious way, my blood literally runs cold. scenes in movies where to show how a character is doing bad they get fat (peter b parker in spiderverse, thor in endgame are just 2 examples i have in mind rn)? that’s another way to normalize this idea. skinny people can say they don’t mind fat, that they love ~girls with a little meat on the bone~, they can go years without saying anything directly fatshaming, but they still see stuff like that - heck, even create stuff like that - and don’t realize how damaging it is and how much it makes me and probably other fat people too not want to go outside even more. fatphobia is poison you don’t even notice is in you unless you’re fat too. 

#rant #fatphobia // #this is..... long #i'm angry crying yeehaw ! #if you actually read the whole thing please like? i wanna know heh #anyways i hate having a physical form. how's everyone doin tonight #long post #i hope the keep reading thing works :(

[lgbt-ffxv-imagines]

Gladio finds out abt Prom’s unhealthy weightloss routine and /kicks his ass/

It starts with one less thing for dinner. No fries, swapping out his soda for a tall glass of water. He skips out on calorie counting for a while. 

Prompto starts running a week in. He looks up tutorials, instructions on how to lose weight and exercise consistently. His lungs burn nearly worse than his body does the morning after. 

He takes “progress pictures,” glaring down at himself like he’s something other instead of just a kid who enjoys a good burger more than an apple. He wants to burn the photos so badly that he starts counting calories to see how far he has to go.

Really, he’s not doing too badly for himself, Prompto finds. He changes his usual foods to things with lower calorie counts, usually more fruits and vegetables than processed fast food, in pursuit of a thinner appearance. He’s still hungry, though, and the burger place he passes on his way home taunts him. 

He decides a five hundred calorie deficit isn’t enough. 

There’s nothing wrong with eating things with lower amounts of fat, skipping simple carbs like bread and replacing them with veggies clumsily chopped and tossed together into a bowl in a basic imitation of a salad. He’s read up on weight loss forums and watched videos about HIIT exercise routines that claim to help him “blast fat away” like magic. 

By the time he’s finished secondary school, he’s shot up like a rocket and thinned out like its vapor trail. 

He’s down to around a thousand two hundred calories a day, weight landing somewhere around maybe fifty-five kilograms on when he gives in and eats more than he should. The running helps him keep to it even when he lacks control (when he’s being fat, his brain likes to spit. Not worth talking to the Lady Lunafreya’s Noctis).

It’s honestly funny to him when Noctis asks him why he doesn’t eat more at lunch (half a salad and a boiled egg are plenty, thank you very much) when he’s already coasting far over his limit more and more often when they hit the arcade, or hang out after class. The chips and pizza are cluttering his tracking app with fat and failure. 

He starts making excuses, runs longer distances, spends so much time exercising and ignoring how easy it would be to grab the cereal his mom always picks up when they go grocery shopping and pour himself a big bowl of it that he’s nearly able to eke his way down to fifty even. 

Noctis just puts all his vegetables on Prompto’s napkin during lunch and raises a brow whenever he tries to insist that no, I’m full, okay, buddy? He knows not to press it after Prompto makes an excuse or two about stomach aches.

Meeting Noctis’s shield is like staring at the human equivalent to a chiseled brick wall. Gladiolus Amicitia is a powerhouse Prompto is exactly one hundred percent sure could snap him in half like a twig. He’s decently sure Gladio could wrap both his hands around his waist without issue. It’s about as comforting as it is distressing. There is absolutely nothing Gladiolus couldn’t do to keep him from Noctis if the prince ever got tired of him. 

He tries even harder to be worthy. 

There are a few long months where he sleeps in too much and feels like there’s cotton stuffed in his head, but then Gladiolus snaps him out of it with a stern, “And what do you think you’re doing there, Prom?”

He looks back to his water bottle and tries for an excuse, “Hydrating?”

“After an hour and a half of intensive Crownsguard training?”

“Yep,” he says, trying for a smile. “Can’t let that pizza from yesterday keep me from being a good member of Noct’s ‘Guard, right?”

Gladiolus frowns. “You had half a bite.” He crosses his arms and waits for some sort of explanation. 

Prompto flounders before pulling his usual, “Well, I’m not really supposed to be eating it. It gives me stomachaches.”

It’s not quite a lie. The guilt makes him ill, sometimes enough he feels he may lose what little food he’s consumed, and he knows he’s supposed to be better than that─to be better than his want need for food.

His parents are good to him, if super busy, and they’d asked him if he was alright. They’d made sure he had lots of things left around the house he can snack on out of worry that maybe there wasn’t enough in the pantry for him to eat quickly while doing schoolwork. He’d found a way to foist the worst of them onto Noctis instead. 

Gladiolus stares him down not unlike the way his mom had, unimpressed and worried. “Then, what can you eat? If it’s a stomach issue, or an intolerance, Iggy needs to know.”

“It’s not that it’s just-y’know how Noct told you that we’ve gone to school together since forever?”

“Yeah and?”

Prompto sighs, tired and very much aware of how badly he’s been doing in university as of late, and admits, “I used to be fat.” He spits it like poison. Gladiolus just shrugs. 

“And?”

“What do you mean ‘and?’“

He sits down next to prompto on the metal locker room bench and comments, “We know. Background checks and all that tend to unearth that sort of stuff.”

Prompto groans like he’s dying and flops backward to lean on the wall. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope,” Gladiolus replies, smiling genially. “You know I used to be a beanpole?”

Prompto sputters, half to delirium because they’ve known for years and never said anything about it. “I can't believe that. No way. Gladiolus Amicitia, the Citadel’s beefiest Shield to date, was a skinny kid.”

“I ate like hell and never gained an ounce,” Gladiolus admits. “It was really frustrating when I was trying to bulk up because puberty tossed my metabolism even further into overdrive. I tried following a lot of diets and tutorials, y’know. Only succeeded in making myself really fuckin’ sick. You’re doing practically the same thing I did, so I’m gonna stop you right here.”

“You were the opposite-”

Gladiolus silences him with a wholly unimpressed look. “We both made some bad decisions. The problem here is that you’re still making them,” he states, running a hand through his hair. “None of us want to see you land yourself in the hospital, Prom. Especially not for something we can prevent.”

“But what about Noct? I mean, why does he hang out with me if he knows I was...like that,”  Prompto asks. 

“Like what? A normal kid?” Gladio raises a brow. “I thought you knew Noct doesn’t care about appearances. He’s made that abundantly clear, blondie.”

Prompto struggles for words, settling on a mumbled, “But what do I do now?”

Gladiolus takes a minute and mulls it over before answering brightly, “Well, I’m sure Ignis wouldn’t mind helping you figure out a nutritional plan. We need you to be in top form if you’re gonna protect Noct. That includes eating properly.”

“Would that really be okay?” Prompto’s brain says it’s not, that once he starts to gain anything back that they’ll find him disgusting. He decides that, for once, he’ll ignore it in full. He gives a tentative and lopsided smile. 

Gladiolus grins and it’s near blindingly bright. “Hell yeah it is, Prom. C’mon, I’m sure Ignis was already counting on you joining us for dinner. I doubt his highness has even started on his trig homework without you there to help him through it.”

“Okay. I’ll...do my best.”

“That’s good enough for me,” Gladiolus says with a pat to the back. “You’re one hell of a man, y’know that?”

Prompto squawks, trying to deflect the compliment only to get slammed with fifteen others and a well meaning ruffle to his already wild hair. 

This can work, he thinks. If Noct would be okay with him being heavier, if Gladio and Ignis won’t poke fun at him over it, he thinks he’ll be able to at least give it a try. 

That night, after a good dinner and hours of even better company, Prompto is pretty sure that the guilt may never leave, that he may never be free of the toxicity he’s built into himself, but the way Noct hoots and hollers at the video games they play is a good enough distraction as any. He lets himself forget about calories and counting and deficits until the morning when Ignis stops by and tells Noctis that no, he cannot drink a whole liter of chocolate milk for breakfast. 

Then, it’s just funny how the Crown Prince of Lucis is cowed by his own advisor’s lecture about proper nutrition all the while wearing half a milk mustache he’s still too sleepy to wipe off in full. 

#ffxv imagines #lgbt ffxv #lgbt ffxv imagines #ffxv #final fantasy xv #prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia #weight loss #eating disorder tw #self harm tw #angst #sfw #anon #mun kiri #internalized fatphobia

[littlelovelymemes]

✰  —  —  *  MORE POPULAR TEXT POST STARTERS

‘  good night. sleep tight. don’t let the bed bugs bite. tonight. imma fight. till we see the sunlight. tik tok. on the clock. but the party don’t stop.  ’ ‘  every interaction with a man is a combination TED Talk, valedictorian speech, personal training session, and getting grounded by your dad  ’ ‘  just a small dumb bitch…. living in a lonely ditch  ’ ‘  if anyone wants me ill be in the dirt thinking abt love  ’ ‘  why is being alive so expensive. i’m not even having a good time  ’ ‘  YOU’RE A THOT: a Tender Heartwarming Open-minded Treasure  ’ ‘  physically, yes, i could fight a bird. but emotionally? imagine the toll  ’ ‘  so much is going on!! it’s too much!! i just want to sleep in the forest for 190 years!! i’m tired leave me alone!!  ’ ‘  imagine being a bear. no bills. you can scratch your back on a tree whenever you want. seasonal weight gain is necessary. no judgement for sleeping three months at a time. itt would be beary great.  ’ ‘  shout out. just in general. im just shouting  ’ ‘  what if mike was short for micycle  ’ ‘  u can still be thug as hell even if you cry everyday right  ’ ‘  cause of death: didn’t get attention for five minutes  ’ ‘  walk into the club like wait nevermind can we go home  ’ ‘  it’s all fun and gay until you get a crush on her  ’ ‘  my house is haunted because i live here  ’ ‘  you’re not asking for too much you’re just asking the wrong person  ’ ‘  i don’t trust people who don’t like 80s pop music like what are you? straight? grow up  ’ ‘  it’s ok. i mean it’s not ok, but it’s ok.  ’ ‘  do u ever look back at the ppl you used to be friends with and think dear fricken god im glad u are past tense  ’ ‘  i can’t believe i used to think people my age were adults  ’ ‘  reverse-evolution. we just go back to being silent amoeba. free of the chains of consciousness. swimming   ’ ‘  yeah.. i don’t get it. just don’t understand any of this. like i just….. don’t get it  ’ ‘  stop breaking your own heart by exaggerating your place in other people's lives  ’ ‘  give a man a guitar and he’ll play for a day, teach a man guitar and today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you  ’ ‘  @ people who think i’m attractive: thanks for having low standards  ’ ‘  struggling to keep your rolled up sleeves looking nice is gay culture  ’ ‘  *eats 14 packs of scooby doo fruit flavored gummy snacks* i’m gonna solve mysteries so fucking good  ’ ‘  wouldn’t it be cool to just like not feel nervous about everything all the time  ’ ‘  you can’t find me in someone else  ’ ‘  i forget everything and i just think that’s really sexy of me  ’ ‘  mid life crisis ? no no, mid DAY crisis. happens every day  ’ ‘  i look at you and see wedding bells and children’s names. i’m so fucking sorry i see a future in you and you can’t even see tomorrow in me.  ’ ‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed  ’ ‘  imma start charging people for hurting my feelings $3 a minute  ’ ‘  i don’t know what’s going on but it’s a lot  ’ ‘  sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone  ’ ‘  you BET i’m listening to 80’s love songs every night until valentine’s  ’ ‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep  ’ ‘  do the fbi agents have their own fbi agents watching them…  ’ ‘  sometimes i catch myself being salty and i’m like damn????? take a nap?????  ’ ‘  im rly just.. rly tired u know. just so tired  ’ ‘  i love people responding to their pets’ noises with ‘i know’  ’ ‘  if you can’t handle me at my worst then we have something in common because neither can i  ’ ‘  i listened to green day once and now i’m gay and hate the government  ’ ‘  idk why anyone would be interested in me romantically i literally watch netflix, complain, and wear the same four to five outfits with different mixes and matches all the time  ’ ‘  i’m like rlly in the mood 4 uhh…….  being paid lots and lots of money  ’ ‘  i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say. i’m not a fan  ’ ‘  say what you want about millennials but at least we don’t lick our fingers to turn a page  ’ ‘  ah yes…the killing curse…fre shavaca do  ’ ‘  self care is actually getting in fights with randoms in dark alleys  ’ ‘  im permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill  ’ ‘  hearing the girl you like calling you baby in a soft voice is like having your heart fall down 7 flights of stairs and exploding  ’ ‘  i don’t wanna sound soft but a bitch could use a hug  ’ ‘  i need my space unless you’re the right person then don’t go anywhere  ’ ‘  first recorded attack by AI on humankind was when i asked my home assistant to play some music i might like and she put on katy perry  ’ ‘  momma didn’t raise a quitter but she did raise a fool and it turns out those two things are a terrible combination  ’ ‘  are cute dates and rough sex too much to ask for  ’ ‘  your sketchers don’t even light up so i don’t really think i can trust you as a wingman tonight  ’ ‘  it’s march and like, you know what? that’s fucked up. literally, it was march this time last year too, and what’s up with that? like, a year has passed since it was last march, what the fuck ?  ’

#rp meme #ask meme #indie rp #sentence starters #inbox meme #askbox meme #inbox memes #rp sentence meme #sentence starter meme #rp sentence starters #rp inbox meme #inbox starters #rp ask box meme #rp ask meme

[swamp-ghoul-blog]

12:10 PM

so just a recap since i’ve been in “recovery” i haven’t gained much this time but im not at my lw anymore rip. got a gym membership and im gonna start doing classes with my mom (i don’t live with my parents so i’m excited to get to hang out with her and work out)

my mom started doing this hcg diet where she’s supposed to only eat 500 cal a day and talking to her abt that was super triggering, along with talking to my bf about his weight loss (he’s lost 20lbs in the past couple months while barely cutting down on anything)

my shitty roommate is gone and now it’s just me and my bf, and our new roommate starts moving in this week. he’s a total health freak and i know having that kind of presence is gonna help motivate me to stay focused on my goal (not to mention i’ll be too anxious to binge around him lol hi i can’t eat in front of people im not comfortable with espECIALLY skinny guys)

since ive been maintaining with such a high intake im gonna try to only restrict to 1200 at least for a week or so and only drop when my metabolism starts slowing down. i’ve set myself up for failure in the past by restricting to 500 right off the bat when i relapse and i lose like 10lbs in a week but cant keep it off and i feel so guilty and su*c*dal and have to try and recover again but maybe eating a little more than im comfortable with will put me in a middle spot without “i’m eating to much” guilt or “i’m killing myself” guilt

ultimately my BDD is what’s pushing me to do this again. it’s gotten to the point where i can visually see my self warping and bloating and shifting when i look in the mirror. it’s like an acid trip, my skin and my body is “breathing” and moving and i know it’s not actually but i can fucking see it!!! ive never hallucinated before but im pretty sure thats whats happening now and im terrified bc i dont want to ever go IP and im too scared to get help bc i think if i told someone like a professional whats going on they’d send me away and i’d lose my job, and probably my apartment, and maybe even my boyfriend would leave me and i cant lose my entire life over getting “help” like thats not gonna help me at all i would fucking kill myself and really do it this time

#that got dark im sorry #i havent talked to anyone about this for months im EXPLOADING with food anxiety #p

[cesium-sheep]

need to remember to send doc link to spoonie living and how to get on, probably body braid too. readmore for length.

my appointment actually went really well, once I wasn’t busy being sad the brain fog was pretty well cleared which indicates it is the burnout. doc was really pleased to hear I’d been doing well, even though they’re just as skeptical as me abt it lasting. zofran is now on my list of allergies even though I’m not actually allergic, just to make sure providers ask before giving it to me. they think med cycling seems to be weirdly effective and we may experiment with that, although they agree that the up and down indicates there’s still something we’re missing. and I finally got them pinned down about the weird wbc when I had a cbc drawn during an episode, it is definitely a sign of inflammation which is useful to know.

I have explicit instructions to brace literally every joint I can literally all the time, even the ones that have never hurt like my elbows. I also have explicit instructions to eat lots of sugar and salt and protein. I am instructed to eat as much as I want of whatever I want, because a bmi of 20-23 is the best range to protect my joints and I really struggle to gain any weight at all. (even when arin was cooking all the time and I was already fairly inactive I only ever made it up to 118, or 19.6. turns out the mental bookmark I had for “minimum actually healthy weight” of 120 has been correct the whole time lol. (138 would equal bmi of 23.))

they also strongly suggest only doing one significant task a day for now, and keeping track of how I feel afterwards. they think the combination of stopping the pyrid and doing very little other than crafting and video games may be why I’m feeling better. I do have a robust history of chewing through backlog tasks as fast as I can the second my body gives me an inch of ground and almost definitely overdoing it, so the burnout may have been indirectly helpful here lol

they trust my ability to listen to my body, and think it’s fine to just let it do what it needs to instead of trying to set routines or whatever. like letting myself sleep however much my body wants to. we’re gonna stop the atenolol and give it a couple weeks and see how that goes and then maaaaybe taper off the fludro if I feel up to trying it again.

I mentioned mcas again and pointed out all the reason for suspicion from my mom’s side of the family but we didn’t really go “okay yeah let’s try this next” because we’re still doing the stopping all the meds thing first.

they think that raising some sheep and puttering around at home and being happy for the rest of my life is extremely reasonable, I’ve clearly thought about my own limitations and it’s something that’s purposeful and active. I showed them all the stuff I made for christmas and they were very impressed XD

I mentioned dishes and they recommend cascade platinum detergent pods and greenpan cookware, and also said they were totally willing to prescribe adhd medication for arin if they make an appointment with them, since I mentioned dishes are their responsibility but they struggle with it, because they trust my assessment and theirs and their own partner also has severe adhd so they’re pretty familiar with it for a pcp.

I had trouble with my wheelchair on the way home, I was using the motor (hadn’t charged the battery in a while) and the right wheel kept locking up. it may just be cranky cuz I haven’t used it much, so we’ll see if it happens again. (the wheels are run by independent servos instead of a central motor.) I also stop to say hi to the man setting up for the evening next to our building, he said he lost his pen so I went upstairs and brought down my spare sharpie for him. I can’t wait to have space to just make blankets forever so I have spares to share -n- (we should prolly also keep cash on hand to share too, since by then we’ll be able to afford to do so.)

#long post #readmore #wild how often what's good for me is the opposite of what's generally considered healthy lol

[livingvicariouslythroughphan]

I Wanna Be A Toy

Prompt: ive been thinking abt phil cumming in dans ass and plugging it to keep it in,,,

Author’s Note: a plot? character development? I don’t know her. Meaningful dialogue? i think the fuck not.. sooo I got a little carried away and this fic is pretty much me taking all my kinks out on a nice drive through the country tbh I added neko cause why not. Also i was gross with cum again surprise surprise (1.7k words)

 Phil glanced up and smiled as his neko, Dan, padded into the room, his tail swaying gently behind him. “Hi, baby! Did you just wake up?”, Phil asked, rolling his chair away from the desk and pulling Dan to sit in his lap. The neko rubbed his eyes and nodded, his ears still drooping with grogginess. He leaned against his master’s chest, purring in content when the man hugged him and rubbed his back soothingly. Phil couldn’t help but smile at Dan’s soft purrs, and when the boy snuggled in closer, his eyebrow raised at the little bulge he felt nudging against his stomach. “Are you hard, baby boy?”, he asked, moving a hand between them to cup Dan’s cock through his pants.

 Dan whined at the weight of Phil’s hand and bashfully mumbled, “Yeah, Daddy… I woke up with it, though. I’ve been good, I promise.” Phil smiled, “I know, baby. You always are. My sweet boy.”, he ran his hand down Dan’s thigh, asking, “You want Daddy’s help?”

 The neko’s ears perked up and he nodded excitedly, “Please, Master!”, he said, grinding lightly down into Phil’s lap. “No, no, none of that now, be patient.”, Phil admonished, gripping Dan’s hips to keep him still. The boy stilled and pouted a bit, apologizing, “ ‘M sorry…” Phil smiled at his pet’s wide eyed pout and set him off his lap, grabbing his hand and leading him to the bedroom, “I know, baby. Come on.”

 Arriving in the bedroom, Phil pulled Dan’s t-shirt over his head and laid him down on the bed, kneeling over him and running his hands down the boy’s bare chest. Dan squirmed as fingers brushed over his nipples and he whined realizing Phil was in a teasing mood. Smiling at the sudden understanding in Dan’s eyes, Phil spoke, “Do you want to know what I’m going to do with you, darling?” Dan pouted a bit but nodded, ears twitching up to listen to his master.

 “I’m going to suck your little cock, and I’m going to finger you, I might even eat you out if you’re good. But then I’m going to fuck you. And you can’t come until Daddy fucks you. Or, it’s in your best interest not to, because you know I’ll just do it anyway. I like to hear your sad little whimpers when I hit your spot and you turn into a crybaby.”, Phil snickered. Dan’s eyes widened and his hips bucked up, both excited and dreading what was about to happen.

 “You want that, don’t you, Dan? To be Daddy’s crybaby?”, Phil goaded. The neko nodded urgently and whined, “Yeah, master, please…” Phil cupped Dan’s cock through his pants and spoke in a misleadingly soft voice, “Say it. Beg to be my crybaby.” Blushing in humiliation at the command, Dan obeyed, “Please Daddy, let me be your crybaby, I’ll be good I promise! Just wan’ you Daddy, please..”

 “Good boy.”, Phil praised, pulling Dan’s pants off and positioning himself between the boy’s legs. Dan was staring down at him with wide eyes and he smirked, leaning down and taking the head of his pet’s cock into his mouth, sucking gently, teasingly, and mildly squeezing his balls. Gasping and whining, Dan bucked his hips up into Phil’s mouth, moaning in a mixture of frustration and submission when the man gripped them firmly and kept him pinned to the bed.

 His hands found their way into Phil’s hair and he tugged at it lightly, staring dazedly as his master slowly sunk lower on his length, staying there for a few seconds before pulling back and licking over the tip. “More, Master! …Please!”, he pleaded and Phil pulled off completely. “You’re never happy till you’re taking it up the ass, are you?”, he teased, grabbing the lube from the bedside table and pouring some over his fingers. Dan blushed but shook his head and responded, “No… Need it, Daddy…” Phil rubbed two slicked up fingers over Dan’s entrance before gently thrusting one in, and the neko pushed back onto his finger, wiggling his hips and silently begging for more. He quickly added a second finger and scissored them, leaning down and taking the head of Dan’s cock back into his mouth and sucking gently.

 When Dan was pressing back against his fingers again, Phil added a third one and crooked them upwards, searching for Dan’s spot. He nudged gently at it and Dan whimpered loudly, squirming on the bed. “You want me to eat you out, baby boy?”, Phil asked.

 “Yeah, so bad, Master…”, Dan replied, bringing his legs up to his chest to give Phil better access. “Good boy, Dan, so willing.”, Phil praised, pulling his fingers from Dan’s ass and leaning down to lick teasingly over his hole. “Oh- oh, god… Daddy!”, Dan whined, spreading his legs further and moving a hand to pinch at his own nipples. Phil glanced up and his expression darkened with lust at the sight of Dan, legs splayed, looking fucked out already, playing with his nipples. He thrust two fingers back into the boy and licked between them, humming in content at the high pitched whine the action drew from him.

 Phil rubbed his fingers upward and stroked Dan’s cock while he licked over his perineum, pulling back for a moment to ask, “Feel good, baby?” Dan let out a whiny, “yes!” and arched his back, unable to decide wether to lean into the fingers in his ass or the hand on his cock. He settled for a gentle rocking motion until Phil removed his hand from his cock and slung his arm over Dan’s hips to still him. “Daddy….”, he fussed, bringing a hand down to fist over his own length. Phil shook his head and slapped his hand away, reprimanding the neko, “No touching, Dan. You know the rule.”

 Dan mewled sadly but otherwise obeyed, panting lightly as Phil licked around the fingers in his hole. The jabs at his prostate came firmly and in quick succession, and before long he was shaking and gripping firmly at the bedding beneath him. “I’m gonna- oh -Master! ‘m gonna come…”, Dan gasped, hoping Phil would ease up on him, he wanted to come with Phil’s cock in him, wanted to feel it pounding into him as he made a mess of himself.

 Phil pulled back, easing his fingers out and running his hands over Dan’s thighs, as the boy’s tail wrapped around his arm. “You want me to fuck you?”, he smirked, tugging his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. “Yes! Daddy, please… want you in me..”, Dan begged and Phil nodded knowingly, “I know you do, baby. That’s really all you ever want, isn’t it? Daddy’s cock?” The neko let out a high pitched whine, a blush coming to his cheeks at the accusation.

 Pulling his pants and jeans off, Phil poured more lube over his hand and slicked himself up before dragging Dan down the bed a bit and lining his cock up against the boy’s clenching rim. “You ready?”, Phil questioned, and slowly began pushing in when Dan nodded and spread his legs further. “Good boy… Want me to plug you up with my cum? Keep you full and stretched as a reminder of how much Daddy loves you?”, Phil offered, stoking Dan’s length and giving him time to adjust.

 Dan clenched around Phil’s cock and replied, “Yes, please! Wanna have your cum in me…” He arched his back and begged, “Move, Daddy, please…” Phil complied and began thrusting into him, gaining speed until he was pounding into the neko, who was moaning and whining with every thrust as Phil’s cock brushed over his spot. “Ahh, Daddy!.. Touch me please, it hurts..”, Dan implored, holding onto Phil’s bicep as his body jolted with the force of his master’s cock bucking into his hole. “You want Daddy to touch your little cock? Such a good pet asking so politely…”, Phil murmured into his ear, trailing his hand down to grip Dan’s length, stoking it in time with his thrusts.

 The combination of Phil’s hand on his dick and his harsh thrusts had Dan making strange little sounds, a mixture of whimpers and purrs, and Phil groaned into his neck, biting down softly and listening to Dan fall apart under him. “You close, love? You don’t have to hold it, come for Daddy..”, he muttered, slightly out of breath.

 Dan nodded his understanding at the permission and moaned loudly at the next in thrust, jerking back onto Phil’s cock and coming over his stomach. Phil kept up his thrusts, aiming for the boy’s prostate to hear his pitiful little noises at the overstimulation. “Daddy! Please, want your cum…”, Dan spoke, tears springing to his eyes at the rough fucking. He loved it though. Loved the overstimulation and the feeling of his master looming over him.

 Phil grunted and swore as he came into Dan’s ass, thrusting through his orgasm and listening to Dan’s shaking breath. When he pulled out, Dan clenched his hole and looked up at him expectantly. Smirking as he remembered his promise, Phil leaned over to their bedside table pulling out a buttplug and bringing it to Dan’s stretched rim. He glanced up, gently pushing it in and settling it in position as he watched Dan’s expressions. “That’s good, took that so well…”, he praised maneuvering the boy’s legs back down and wiping his stomach off with a discarded pair of pants.

 “Thank you, Daddy… Feel so full…”, Dan spoke, clenching around the plug and watching as his master settled in a sitting position at the head of the bed. Phil snickered and patted Dan’s stomach, “I bet you do, sweetheart… You need to clean me up though, come on now, don’t act shy, Dan. I see your little glances.”, he urged, gesturing to his softening cock against his thigh, shiny with cum. The neko blushed in humiliation but a tug of arousal pulled in his stomach and he settled at his master’s side, licking gently over the man’s cock, gathering the cum on his tongue and showing it to Phil before swallowing and licking his lips.

 "What a good little cumslut.”, Phil teased, pulling Dan onto his lap and cuddling him. He cupped Dan’s jaw and kissed him, the possessive part of him enjoying the taste of his own cum on Dan’s tongue. They parted after a minute and Dan leaned into his master’s embrace, bringing his hand up to rest on Phil’s chest, feeling his heartbeat as his ears tickled Phil’s chin. “Love you, Daddy..”, he mumbled, smiling at the soft vibrations in Phil’s chest as he hummed contently and replied, “I love you too, Dan.”

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan smut #phan hc #mine #neko!Dan