#they flatten themselves to the ground like a pancake to make themselves look Bigger but they actually just look cute

[theygender]

I'm reading up about hognose snakes rn and I want one SO BAD but I can't have one both bc my gf has a phobia of snakes and also bc I don't think I have the heart to feed it mice 😭

#i dont think ill ever really have the opportunity to get a snake with my gf's phobia #but if i did it would need to be an insectivore #apparently hognose snakes can also eat eggs but id imagine an egg only diet wouldnt be very nutritionally balanced for them #and im not about to buy an animal just to neglect it #(they can also eat amphibians and lizards but that can introduce parasites to them AND i still dont think id have the heart for it) #theyre so cute tho omg. they crawl in between your fingers and take little sippy sips from water #ideally their startle responses wouldnt be something id ever see bc i wouldnt want them to get stressed out but even THOSE are cute #they flatten themselves to the ground like a pancake to make themselves look Bigger but they actually just look cute #they flare their neck out to pretend to be a cobra but when baby snakes do it its adorable #instead of biting to ward off predators they hit them with their noses #and if that doesnt work they full on play dead. LITERALLY roll onto their backs and loll their tongues out #and if someone flips them back over when theyre doing that theyll roll back onto their backs again like noooo dont look at me im deeaaad #they get really excited about feeding time too and apparently some of them will open their little mouths like a baby bird #mice are one of their main prey sources in the wild and to my knowledge they don't eat fish #but when they're babies you gotta teach them to eat frozen/thawed mice by putting juice from a tuna can on it like you're weaning a kitten #once they get past their picky toddler stage tho they'll come up to the front of the cage and beg for food #i want a snek so bad 😭 #someone who can take really good care of a snake without getting in their feels about feeder mice please get one so i can hang out with it #rambling

[stillebesat]

White Lies (4/5)

Sanders Sides: Deceit, Virgil, Logan, Roman, Patton Sequel to Little Lies Blurb: Deceit has been stuck in his ‘role’ as Dilyn for almost a year now. It’s about time he changed that. Fic Type: Hurt/Comfort, Tiny!Sides Inspiration: From @yay-cats9‘s wonderful Fanart she did for Little Lies. <3 Again thank you for the artwork! I love it! Overall Fic Warnings: Deceit, Negative Self Talk, Panic/Anxiety Attacks, Manipulation talk, Kinda Imprisonment?

To Catch Up: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Deceit’s fists trembled as he struggled wrap his mind around--he had to be dreaming. Because---because-h-how could his powers work up here?! They weren’t supposed to while he was a chil--

A tidal wave of darkness burst from Virgil and engulfed Deceit with enough force to knock him off his feet. 

He cried out, instinctively curling into a ball as he flew backwards, wincing as his back slammed into the bars of the railing.

Deceit gasped, struggling for air as he fell to the ground. His hands curled up tighter, nails digging into the palms of his hands as he pressed them against his chest while he struggled to get his lungs working again. A difficult task when it seemed like the thick, heavy blanket of shadows were weighing him with increasing pressure, seemingly trying to flatten him like a pancake against the wood of the deck. 

Trapped. 

GET UP.

Deceit gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to push to his knees.

If he’d been his normal size, it would have been so much easier. 

As a child? Fighting against the shadows was like trying to lift a bus.

Impossible.

Some Gatekeeper.

FIGHT BACK!

A soft whimper escaped him as he managed to get to his knees, his knuckles white and palms aching from hard he was squeezing his hands, certain that it was the only thing keeping him from being squeezed into nothingness by Anxiety. 

Fight! 

Dee gritted his teeth, slowly forcing his head up away from the floor, trembling with the effort. 

Make eye contact.

It would be easier to fight if he could see what Vee was doing. If he could take control of more than Anxiety’s hands.

It was the only way.

He had to do this. He had to--to--defeat Virgil and--and-

Dee managed to look up in time to see the swirling shadows split enough for him to catch a brief glimpse of Vee’s pale, terrified face. His hands still pressed against his mouth.

And what?

Go back to being hated by everyone?

He recoiled. NO!

The shadows surged forward again, taking advantage of Deceit’s momentary weakness, and shoved him back down to the ground. 

Useless. 

FIGHT BACK.

You’re NOTHING if you’re not Deceit!

This is what HAS to be done.

To protect Thomas you HAVE to be DECEIT!

You HAVE to CONTROL the OTHERS. 

Did he? 

Deceit’s fingers spasmed against his chest, Vee’s terrified face etched into his mind.

Did he really have to be big, bad, evil Deceit? 

YES!

No.

He shook his head, breath hitching as his thoughts raced and swirled trying to--to make sense--to figure out--i

Because if he--if he went back to being Deceit, then--then--

He could see his path back to being the bad guy it all too clearly. 

Once he defeated Virgil’s shadows, Deceit would prevent Anxiety from warning the others. He would then go down the steps to the party below. He would grab at the air, once more using his powers to force the Big Three to bend to his will. Force them to stay silent to protect Thomas from the things he didn’t want to know about himself. Force them to see the bigger picture of how to keep Thomas safe. 

No longer working with them. 

No longer being welcomed. 

No longer having a battle of wits with Logan.

No longer going on mini adventures with Roman.

No longer experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen with Patton. 

And definitely no longer playing lookout with Virgil when the former Dark Side would let him. 

Deceit would become nothing more than the bad guy again. Hated. Despised.

His heart stuttered in his chest at the thought, feeling like it was tearing in half.

He didn’t want to be hated again.

That’s your JOB!

You are here to do the HARD things.

You are the GATEKEEPER.

You NEED to PROTECT THOMAS!

Dee sniffed, eyes burning.

But if--If Thomas actually needed him...then wouldn’t he have been back to normal by now? He’d been gone a year from his position as the Gatekeeper and Thomas was still alive. Still functioning. The others were minding themselves without his constant interference and guidance. With only the brief token appearances by Roman or Virgil pretending to be him.

He doesn’t need you. 

Dee choked on a sob as he stopped fighting the shadows, letting their black weight hold him down though they could do nothing to get his hands to relax to free Virgil. 

Thomas doesn’t need you. 

He hunched his shoulders, fists shaking, soft whimpers caught in his throat as he tried to control the tears flowing unchecked down his cheeks by pressing his face into the cloak Vee had made for him.

Made for him because he cared.

Like he’ll care anymore.

No one cares for the Bad Guy.

And by trying to be Deceit again, he had proved himself to be just the villain and ruined everything good that had happened in the past yea--

Warmth suddenly enveloped him, lifting him up and away from the weighty darkness, gently rocking him back and forth as a soft humming reached his ears. 

~You may be right, but I’ll prove you wrong.~ The lyrics came to mind as the humming shifted into the familiar song that Virgil had sung for a week straight once to annoy him. ~We’ll both find out in time if they’re lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeessss.~

Virgil.

Deceit cracked open an eye, glancing up through his lashes to the former Dark Side. 

Virgil had his arms awkwardly around him, despite his hands still firmly being pressed against his mouth, holding Dee protectively in his lap.

Trapped.

Virgil will NEVER like you now. 

EVER. 

Deceit flinched, hands clenching tighter against his chest which caused Virgil’s own hands to press harder against his mouth.

The humming faltered and a tremor shook Virgil’s body as he glanced down, the shadows behind him swirling like a black kaleidoscope. 

Deceit stiffened further, heart rate picking up as their eyes met, his fingernails digging deeper into the skin of his palms.

NO NO NO. But Deceit couldn’t force himself to relax. It was like his hands had frozen in place.

Some Gatekeeper. 

But there wasn’t hatred in Virgil’s gaze. The shadows didn’t attack again.

No. There was only--only…concern? Worry?

Why would Anxiety be worried for him and NOT HATE him?!

Virgil closed his eyes, breaking eye contact first as he bowed his head, keeping a steady pressure on Deceit. Softly, he began humming again, rocking Dee back and forth in a soothing manner.

~I won’t let them be lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeessss. I’m doing fine.~ 

Deceit swallowed, heart pounding frantically in his chest as he buried his head against Anxiety’s chest, his mind racing as he listened to the song. 

Virgil would never have done this before. He would have fought back with his Shadows, forced Deceit back into the subconscious. 

Yet--Anxiety was--was comforting him, helping him despite the fact that Deceit couldn’t get his fingers to uncurl.

Some Gatekeeper.

His breath hitched as his fingers spasmed. 

Come on.

Come. On! 

~I won’t let them be lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeessss. I’m doing fine.~ 

Virgil was helping him! He--he had to help him back. Free Vee. 

Deceit closed his eyes, forcing himself to draw in deeper breaths.

Thomas didn’t need him.

Didn’t need the Gatekeeper.

He didn’t need to silence Virgil. 

Not when he was trying to help.

Deceit had to free him.

Eyes burning, more betraying tears slipping down his cheeks, Deceit uncurled his fingers in one swift movement, dropping his hands to his sides, finally freeing Anxiety from his hold. 

Thomas doesn’t need me. 

Virgil stilled, abruptly going silent. 

Deceit hunched his shoulders, smushing his face against Vee’s hoodie. 

He should just...leave. Go where he couldn’t--couldn’t si-silence an-anyone a-again--

He sobbed as Vee ran gentle fingers through his hair. 

“Shh. Shh.” Virgil whispered. “It’s okay Dee. I got you. It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Apologize. He--he needed to do that--to try--try---

“I’m--I’m---s--s-sorry.” He managed to choke out.

Sorry doesn’t FIX it. You SILENCED him. HE--

A quiet sigh cut through Deceit’s spinning thoughts as Anxiety held him tighter. “No, Dee.” Virgil said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have--that was stupid to give you anxiety to deepen--I just wanted to--” 

Deceit curled up further in Virgil’s lap. “…help?” He asked, his voice sounding so small compared to his normal kid tones. 

Virgil trailed his fingers lightly down his scaled cheek, drawing the faintest traces of smoke--the last of the ill-gotten anxiety from him. “Yah.” 

Some Gatekeeper.

If you hadn’t been so weak. It could have WORKED!

For who? 

It was clear that his year spent with the Big Four had...well changed him more than he thought.

Before it wouldn’t have bothered him to silence anyone. Deceit had purposely kept himself apart to do so in good conscience. He’d kept himself from growing close to anyone so he could be the Gatekeeper. So he could protect Thomas.

Thomas doesn’t need you. 

Deceit wrapped his arms around Vee, hugging him as best he could with his short arms.

Some Gatekeeper. Seeking comfort. 

“You did help. Lots.” He whispered. 

Not in the way he wanted.

But it was clear.

He couldn’t be--act like his old self anymore.

Vee scoffed even as he held him tighter. “But I thought you wanted to be Decei--” 

 “I...I…” Deceit--Dee? swallowed, struggling to get the words out. He should want it. He had wanted it. He was supposed to be Deceit. The Dark Side. The Gatekeeper. But now...now that he had a chance for a taste of being---good---liked---Dee let out a shaky breath, twisting his head to rest his cheek more comfortably against Vee’s chest as he dropped the hug. 

It wasn’t Virgil’s fault that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He’d been so certain walking out onto the balcony. But now? Dee looked down at his trembling hands. After silencing Virgil and seeing that flash of terror in his eyes before the shadows had attacked him? 

He shivered. “I--I don’t know…” He mumbled, voice wavering. “I thought I wanted--Vee…but you...scared.” He swallowed, forcing himself to look up at Virgil, his heart twisting at the reddened handprints still fading over his mouth. “I...I know I don’t want that.” He whispered as Virgil raised an eyebrow, his eyes shining with concern. Not with hatred. Or with terror at being silenced. Concern. For Dece--Dee--for him. 

Dee’s vision blurred as he struggled to get the words out over the lump forming in his throat.

Weakling.

Gatekeepers don’t cry like little useless babies. 

But that’s what he was now. A child. Nothing more. “I-I do-don’t want you--o-or-th-the others---to--to...h-hate me again and--and--and if I-I’m De-Deceit.” He reached up, roughly brushing at his scales as more tears ran down them. “You will.”

To Be Continued Chapter 5

Taglist in Reblog

#White Lies #stillebesat #Sanders Sides #Deceit #Virgil #Anxiety #Tiny!Deceit #negative self talk tw #panic attack tw #anxiety attack tw #manipulation talk tw #trapped tw #imprisonment tw