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mst3kproject · 4 years

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Blood of Dracula’s Castle

This is another film by Al Adamson of Carnival Magic, starring John Carradine of The Unearthly and the weirdly rectangular Alexander D’Arcy of Horrors of Spider Island. If that weren’t enough, the first thing you see when you start the movie is an opening sequence of badly-shot driving set to an incongruously cheerful theme song, looking like something that should have credits over it, but doesn’t. Because obviously the perfect way to begin your movie is by giving everybody flashbacks to Manos: the Hands of Fate. Oh, boy.

Glen Cannon has just inherited a castle, so he takes his girlfriend Liz out to see the place and to meet the longtime tenants, Mr. and Mrs. Townsend. Unfortunately for Glen, Liz, and a number of short-skirted passers-by, the Townsends are actually vampires! They live in the castle with a menagerie of servants that include George the butler, Johnny the homicidal maniac (not the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, just a guy named Johnny who happens to be a homicidal maniac), and a hunchback named Mango. Not keen on the idea of moving, the undead try to persuade the young couple to either extend their lease or sell them the property outright. And if that fails, well, George does need victims to sacrifice to the moon god…

(Pictured above, three hundred percent more captive women than in Hercules and the Captive Women.)

You’d think a movie called Blood of Dracula’s Castle would be set in some ancient and spooky part of eastern Europe, wouldn’t you? And you’d be wrong, because the castle in this story is in the middle of the Arizona desert. Why is there a castle in the Arizona desert? The movie never explains, but I’m guessing the backstory is similar to that of Shea Castle in California, where much of the movie was shot – some rich asshole just decided he wanted to live in a castle. What I really want to know is why this specific castle has vampires in it. Deserts just don’t seem like good vampire habitat, you know?

Blood of Dracula’s Castle is particularly ridiculous about this, because like Attack of the The Eye Creatures or Mole Men Against the Son of Hercules, it features sun-hating baddies in a movie that is clearly shot in the daytime with a dark filter! And like those other movies, the sunshine is so intense that the filters do just about nothing. Also, why is there a beach nearby? Arizona is not exactly famous for those.

The Townsends are some seriously weaksauce vampires. A lot of movies have vampires with superhuman strength, telepathy, or the power of flight. These two are afraid of being shot, and can’t even escape from being tied up with silk sashes. I would say it undermines their threat, but they never seemed that threatening to begin with. Alexander D’Arcy and Paula Raymond play the characters very low-key and matter-of-fact, and their servants come across as far more dangerous than the masters. I suppose this is why the vampires turn to dust in an anticlimax, while the real movie-ending battle is with Mango the hunchback. He takes a bullet to the gut, an axe to the back, is set on fire, and finally topples over a cliff before he goes down! Even George the aged butler puts up a pretty good fight with a morningstar before breaking his neck in a fall down the stairs.

Johnny, meanwhile, is a very confusing inclusion. He’s been in a mental institution for murdering some unspecified number of people, and he blames his killing spree on the full moon. The movie harps on this at some length, with Johnny himself, the Townsends, and George all referring to it, so by the time the climax approaches we’re pretty sure we’re gonna get a werewolf scene. When George sets out to sacrifice a captive woman to the moon god, I was eagerly hoping this would take the form of wolfman Johnny showing up to tear her apart. But Johnny is present to watch, remains fully human throughout, and does nothing, while George simply sets the woman on fire! Why spend all that time setting it up? Is the point supposed to be that Johnny uses lycanthropy as an excuse for his killings when the truth is he’s just a murderer? If so, the movie misses by a mile.

Glen and Liz are technically the main characters, but they’re very much the type who are only present so this movie will have somebody to happen to. The writers, director, and even the actors are far more interested in their assortment of baddies. Neither of the couple has anything that might be considered a character trait. They are introduced in a montage of Glen taking pictures of Liz at Sea World, which establishes nothing but the fact that she’s hot and he’s recently asked her to marry him. There’s also a really weird bit where they make out under the watchful eyes of a voyeuristic walrus, which sure is a sentence I just wrote.

There are a couple of moments when it looks like Glen’s profession of photography might just be plot relevant. He tries to take a picture of Johnny, but Johnny doesn’t want him to, which could have been a precursor to one of them recognizing the escaped murderer. It goes nowhere. I also wondered if the film might make use of the idea that vampires don’t show up any better in photographs than they do in mirrors, but the idea is completely ignored.

About the only thing in Blood of Dracula’s Castle that works is one joke. Glen and Liz are snooping around the castle basement, where they discover the Townsends sleeping in their coffins. Liz starts to freak out, and Glen tries to reassure her by telling her that there’s a perfectly logical explanation. She demands to know what that is… and rather than offer some ‘rational’ bullshit Glen just straight up says, “they’re vampires, obviously!” The sheer surprise of seeing a trope subverted like that in this stupid movie made me laugh out loud.

Is there anything halfway interesting in this movie? Meh, not really. The closest it comes is when it suggests the Townsends’ distaste for ‘traditional’ vampirism. They don’t go around biting necks and leaving bodies behind – instead they drain blood from a vein and sip it out of genteel wine glasses. Killing Glen and Liz is not Plan A, it is what they’re forced to turn to when all else fails. Lady Townsend even contemplates the idea that someday somebody might invent synthetic blood, allowing vampires to become law-abiding citizens!

This could have been neat, but it fails to go anywhere because the Townsends seem entirely cheerful and blasé about the crimes they do commit. They have no problem keeping young women chained up in their dungeon, draining them of blood and then turning them over to Mango to be raped and murdered. They show no reluctance to sacrifice victims to the moon god. In fact, their performance has almost a Stepford Wives sort of feel, in which they are polite and pleasant about literally everything. Even in private, when they worry about possibly having to kill their guests, they sound cheerful. The fake smile plastered across D’Arcy’s face is downright terrifying, though not for the reasons it ought to be. He looks like being in this movie is causing him physical pain.

Another thread seems to be some commentary, probably unintentional, about the nature of relationships. Glen and Liz argue quite a bit, and I think most of it’s intended to be in fun but Gene O’Shane and Barbara Bishop are not good actors and it sometimes comes across quite bitter. Their disagreements contrast with the behaviour of the Townsends, who are perfectly in harmony in everything they do. Perhaps this is because the Townsends have simply known each other longer, having been married for some three centuries while Glen and Liz have only been together a year or so. The impression one gets, however, is an Addams Family sort of vibe, in which embracing the darkness within seems to lead to better relationships.

Now that I think of it… with the charming, well-dressed, and loving couple, and their cadaverous butler, there is definitely an Addams Family thing going on here. The comics had been around since 1938 and the TV series started in 1964, so it was out there for other creators to draw on.

In comparison to the other Al Adamson movies I’ve seen, Blood of Dracula’s Castle actually strikes me as more similar to Carnival Magic than to Psycho-A-Go-Go. The latter film was very upfront about its dark themes, while the former buries them under a cheerful carnival front. Blood of Dracula’s Castle also looks rather harmless on the surface, as the Addams Family comparison makes clear: the Townsends are very cheerful and friendly vampires, their castle more whimsical than foreboding. They and their strange servants could be characters in a comedy, were the movie not so explicit about their murders.

Blood of Dracula’s Castle is pretty dull. You won’t be missing anything if you skip it. If you do want to watch it, I’d better warn you: the opening sequence is set to an upbeat song called Last Train Out, and once it’s in your brain, it’s not going anywhere for a while.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #blood of dracula's castle #poor john carradine #tw: rape #60s

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patrickmcnally9-blog · 7 years

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